How to cope with leaving your husband? To survive the departure of your husband from the family, follow our advice - they have already helped thousands of women, they will help you too

Our expert - psychotherapist Tatyana Nikitina.

Belated epiphany

"Suddenly" nobody leaves. In the heat, after a quarrel, at the peak of emotions, a man grabs a jacket and runs to a friend, a woman collects a bag and goes to her parents. In fact, such couples do not even think to separate - the percentage of reunions after such "family hurricanes" is very high. As you know, "the darlings scold - only amuse themselves": the ties between them not only do not collapse, but also become stronger. The main thing is not to turn something like that into a system.

According to the forecasts, the most unfavorable (that is, putting an end to family life or existing relationships) leave is not done in a rush, but only on a sober, cold head. The decision has matured, all the pros and cons have been weighed, and an escape plan has been prepared. The only thing left to do is to inform the now former half.

Often, psychotherapists hear from these very "former" the same phrase: "After all, everything was fine with us, what did he (she) lack?"

These words are repeated by an experienced housewife with a long experience of family life, and a young spoiled young lady, and a malicious jealous person, and a faithful husband, and a loving father. By the way, Anna Karenina's husband, who considered himself one of the latter, was sincerely surprised at his wife's ingratitude and asked himself the same question, not even realizing that his wife considered him a "machine" and she lacked such a little thing as ... Love. This textbook example once again proves how far people living nearby can be far from each other. That which for one is earthly happiness, for another is whimsy, licentiousness, something unworthy of attention.

We have to admit: parting does not happen due to a short-term insanity of one of the partners. There are good reasons for this, which for the time being the second half simply does not know. Alas, the one who does not listen to his partner enough and does not try to understand him (or he simply does not have time, or maybe not interested), one day may be alone.

“I felt that we were not made for each other,” says Galina, a pretty, intelligent woman in her early fifties, “but we have children, a family, and I would never ruin our relationship. And he did it and went to another. "

The situation is typical. A woman most often strives to preserve her family, a well-established life, a familiar environment. A man is more inclined to experiments and even adventures, he is not averse to conquering new heights ... Therefore, if the relationship does not suit both in some way, he is the first to break.

Period or comma?

A short standard phrase sounded. And then - heartache, shock, confusion, a sense of guilt ... And at the same time - resentment, anger, offended pride, especially when it turns out that the reason for the divorce was a love relationship with someone on the side. Those who have experienced a breakup at least once in their life will probably call the moment after breaking up one of the most difficult periods in their lives. Without exaggeration, it can be considered a real mental trauma.

Sometimes in a protracted period, when mutual reproaches and misunderstandings accumulate, both spouses think that the best way out of the impasse is divorce, but even in this case, "drawing the line" can be very painful. What can we say about those who consider their relationship with a partner, if not ideal, then at least tolerant.

Many psychologists who work with married couples believe that the biggest mistake they make at the first moment after is trying with all their might - persuasion, threats, promises - to try to get him / her back as soon as possible. At first glance, this ill-considered, impulsive movement seems to be correct, because “the train has not left yet”, something can be changed, something can be corrected. But this tactic works only in the case of a “blackmailer partner”, when the husband / wife is not going to go anywhere and scares him with a divorce if he wants to achieve something significant: the wife requires moving to an apartment separate from the parents, and the husband requires the wife to leave work and the birth of a baby. In the case of a thoughtful and pre-planned departure, neither tears nor persuasion will work, and threats can push you to even more decisive actions and will no longer leave you the opportunity to establish normal relations after a divorce.

Psychologist's advice: what not and what can you do after he / she leaves?

It is impossible

Chase, start endless investigations - "why" and "who is to blame", cut off the phone, write messages and fill up the email inbox with letters, watch the street. Such activity will not lead to positive results. The one who is being pursued begins to feel like a “hunted down game”, so he tries to run away quickly and further away. Think about self-esteem and pride. Some "departed" sometimes reconsider their actions and return. Only more often they return to those who do not forget about their own dignity.

Sprinkle ashes on your head and lock yourself in four walls, cherish your loss. It may well happen that what you think is the end will actually turn out to be the beginning of another relationship, much brighter and more significant. Wise people say: "When one door closes, another is sure to open."

Stop looking after your appearance. , and a hairdresser and beauty salon on schedule. As well as a solarium, gym, swimming pool and more.

To avenge an insult, call his / her new passion, threaten or try to upset their relationship. Such actions will give the former lover another reason to assert the correctness of their decision to leave you.

Tell your friends, neighbors, colleagues bad things about your ex. After all, they suited you when they were around.

Start a new romance immediately. Until you feel free from the old shackles of love, while your heart still belongs to him (her), you will not start a truly warm and lasting romantic relationship.

Can

Not to pretend to be a "snow queen" or "tough macho", but to live and feel the pain, resentment, longing. Let there be tears, do not be afraid and ashamed of them, they help to heal spiritual wounds.

Distracted. Work will help, which, as you know, "saves us from three evils - boredom, idleness and poverty."

Experiment. Many women advise to radically change the image, for example, turn a strict chestnut haircut into golden curls. Men choose other ways: one "ex-husband" after the departure of his wife completely changed the situation in the apartment.

Create. Have you ever dreamed of mastering the guitar or dancing flamenco, but never had enough time? The moment has come - immediately sign up for courses, find a dance studio. At first it will be difficult, but it is these difficulties that will distract from the experiences. And who knows, maybe soon you will compose a beautiful lyric song or express your love and hope in a dance.

Find those who need help: take toys to an orphanage, bring groceries to an elderly lonely neighbor, take your mother or grandmother to the theater.

Take a trip. A change of scenery always helps to cope with stress and provides an invaluable energy boost. In addition, it is during distant wanderings that wonderful romantic relationships sometimes arise, which - who knows? - can grow into something more.

“Forgive and let go,” as the song says. You won't be able to do it right away, but time heals. The day will surely come when you will feel that you are letting go of the person who brought you joy and suffering. Simply because he does not belong to you, and you, no matter what, respect his choice and his right to live his life.

Many women are faced with the situation when the husband left for another. The departure of a beloved man can become a real tragedy when, as a result, you give up and do not want to do anything. Anyone who finds themselves in such a situation suffers greatly. Feelings are hurt, trampled under the onslaught of the experienced shock. At such moments, it becomes very difficult to reason about anything, to make further assumptions about a joint future. How to survive the departure of a husband to another? What steps should be taken?

Expression of feelings

It would be a big mistake to pretend that nothing happens if the husband is gone. You cannot ignore the situation and keep silent about your emotions. Otherwise, the psyche will indeed suffer great damage. The state of mind of a person in these minutes is greatly deteriorating. An abandoned woman must definitely speak out, express her emotions in full. They should not be allowed to settle somewhere deep in the soul and gradually poison life. Psychologists say that uncried tears negatively affect the mental organization. The more a person experiences, the more time he needs for emotional recovery. The expression of emotions is facilitated by meaningful and lengthy conversations, conscious articulation of your feelings. When a person comes to the realization of what he really lacks, then by definition it becomes easier for him to act in the future.

Fight or let go

This is the most difficult question to be solved. If the husband has gone to another, it is necessary to act without delay. You can hope that he will return or think about how to learn how to live without him. The second option really teaches you not to give up your own ambitions. Humiliation does not paint a woman. A beloved man will not appreciate such a sacrifice if he falls in love with another. It is necessary to consider each situation separately, so as not to hurt yourself even more, not to become hostage to your own fears. The advice of a psychologist will be very useful to those who are desperate and do not see a way out of this situation. It is especially offensive when a spouse leaves after many years of marriage.

How long can you hope that your husband will return? There is a term for every woman here. Someone loses hope after a few days, the other agrees to wait six months and does not mention the existence of a conflict. Unfortunately, for many women, the question of how to survive the departure of her husband to another is incredibly relevant. If the husband went to his mistress, it means that something really did not suit him. The psychology of the stronger sex is such that a man never goes nowhere. First of all, emotional contact is lost, there is uncertainty in the feelings of a partner. As a rule, some time after parting, a decision is made to leave. He just can no longer listen to the same reproaches, live repeated situations.

Self esteem

Unfortunately, many women forget about this elementary concept. They completely and completely devote themselves to a man, so then they have to pay with the departure of the husband to his mistress. The fact is that men cannot stand being controlled. If a woman loses self-respect and literally dissolves in love for her partner, then gradually she becomes less attractive to her young man. If the husband fell in love with another, then he found something interesting with her. At the same time, the wife almost always seems to be a book read for a long time, to which one does not want to return. Love leaves when there is no living space left for it.

Self-respect in the life of any person is of great importance. The more a person has individual boundaries, the more he begins to value his own person. If a woman does not work on herself and does not develop herself as a person, then sooner or later there will be a situation when the husband leaves for his mistress. He often goes to her for new emotions and impressions that are lacking in a relationship with his wife. Another woman often acts as a kind of backup option, which is used when not everything is going smoothly and well in the family. Love must be constantly supported, given the opportunity to grow and develop. If the husband went to his mistress, this does not mean that he did not love his wife. Perhaps he left her and left due to the fact that she was very dissolving in his needs.

Seeking comfort

What if the husband left for another, and family life turned into a real nightmare? First of all, it is necessary to find the possibility of at least temporary consolation. This must be done. Otherwise, no nerves will be enough for a constant struggle with oneself. How to live if the spouse left and went to another? Of course, experiences will overwhelm, especially at first. It is necessary to try at least to find some peace of mind.

Many women do not know how to forget a husband who has gone to another. It seems to them that, no matter how much time has passed, they will not be able to survive betrayal. Negative feelings literally overwhelm, make it difficult to feel happy and self-sufficient. When a wife loves her husband, and he leaves for another, it always becomes a heavy shock. At such moments, a woman ceases to believe in the best, does not know how to survive the circumstances. For many, being abandoned means actually losing their individuality and relevance.

Work on appearance

It is very important for a woman to be able to maintain her beauty. How to survive if the husband left for another? You must definitely take care of yourself. Do not forget about your hairstyle, individual preferences, special style of clothing. After the spouse leaves for his mistress, it is necessary to make significant efforts in order to regain himself. This is a very important step that no one will take instead of a woman from whom her husband leaves. You can't stop looking after yourself. Otherwise, the woman will lose self-respect, and this is fraught with certain negative consequences. In most cases, shopping acts for the fair sex as an effective psychotherapy. It must be remembered that the other woman to whom the spouse left is no better, she just got in his way. You need to make an effort to cope with the situation and survive the emotional turmoil. The feeling of one's own irresistibility will give self-confidence, dispel fears and doubts.

Hobby

What activity can give a person moral satisfaction and help him survive a personal tragedy? This includes individual hobbies. If the business brings tremendous joy, regardless of the amount of material income, then it is really useful. The main thing is to observe the joy of the process itself, then you will not be sorry for the time spent. People sometimes deny themselves pleasures, do not allow themselves to do what they are really good for. A hobby helps to regain peace of mind, to re-believe in yourself. After all, self-esteem after the departure of a loved one is significantly reduced. We must try with all our might to return it.

Working with a psychologist

Some people, for some unknown reason, are embarrassed to seek help from specialists. It seems to them that they will thereby discover their own weakness. In fact, there are many benefits to working with a psychologist. The specialist will help you understand the problem, point out the reasons that are hidden deep in the subconscious. Individual psychological consultations will help you realize your own mistakes, believe in yourself, and look at the situation from the outside. What you definitely shouldn't do is humiliate yourself in front of a man. There is no point in shedding tears in vain and asking him to come back when he himself does not want to. A man never returns under duress or when begged to do so. He needs to always feel that he is in control of the situation.

Thus, when the husband leaves for another woman, it seems unrealistic to survive this situation. It seems that the familiar world is crumbling, the main life guidelines are lost, self-confidence is lost. It is necessary to gather courage in order to start acting openly and courageously.

With the departure of a loved one, it begins to seem as if half of the heart has been cut off. I want to cry and feel sorry for myself. It is a completely natural desire that must be satisfied. But what to do then, how to survive the departure of a loved one? The feeling of loss from parting will disappear only when your soul is again filled with something meaningful.

Why is it so hard to come to terms with leaving

Attachment is the cause of a lot of experience. As a small child who cannot fall asleep without an expensive bear, you cannot find a place for yourself. At such a moment, the main thing is to maintain balance. Don't go to one of the two extremes: do not blame your partner and do not think that the root of all troubles is hidden in you. It's not that you're ugly, fat, or poor. There is no reason for love - you just love and you are loved. Everything else is from the evil one.

Third way

So, to start a new life, you must choose the following strategy: get the most out of your position. You are no longer a baby who suddenly lost his mother - you are an adult woman. This situation is given to you for a reason. Destiny itself gives you time to grow up, to look around with a realistic look. After some time - a year, two - you will be able to see the true reasons for what happened. No wonder they say that the truth is seen at a distance.

Find your purpose

At the moment, you just have to accept adulthood. Someone after such shocks strikes into religion, someone begins to do charity work. In any case, it is important not to be isolated, but to openly interact with the world. By helping others, you will feel satisfaction, and this, in turn, simply will not allow you to feel sorry for yourself - there is always someone nearby who is in a much worse situation.

Build your personal space

In order not to be betrayed in the future, you must first change your attitude towards yourself. Learn to limit yourself in some ways, and be condescending in some ways. Define boundaries that no one will have the right to cross. You can't be good for everyone and always step on the throat of your own song. You need to fight for your happiness. If you treat yourself with respect, you will never choose an unworthy person.

Don't be afraid of new relationships... Treat men just like friends and do not build far-reaching plans on them, do not grab the first comer. You will not be left alone, because you yourself will be self-sufficient. And the most important thing is that you will finally find a worthy person, relations with whom will bring only joy.