Respect for a close friend. Respect of spouses for each other. IV. Role-play game "Affirm myself"

We simply do not attach importance to some things, but have we ever wondered what would have happened if society had not the slightest idea of ​​respect? Well, some individuals are still neither sleepy nor spiritually, but such cases should be treated as an exception. The bulk of people still know about their moral obligations.
Law, sociology, psychology, religion and philosophy call us to respect, as the only true basis of relationships. But sometimes we forget that we must respect those around us: we skip the line, we are rude (sometimes even for no reason), we cease to value intellectual or material wealth. The times of Pushkin have already passed and we now have completely different priorities. When we once again do something that is not entirely correct from the point of view of morality, we absolutely forget what kind of attitude we require towards ourselves.
When it comes to us, we have a clear idea of ​​what we deserve and what we don’t, but in relation to other people we adhere to completely different positions. Some part of our moral values depends on the mentality - in every country people are brought up differently and, unfortunately, not every country pays due attention to respect. Good example on this occasion England submits: here, from the very beginning, respect and decency are brought up in children. From the outside, the behavior of the British may seem somewhat aloof and cold, but when you are in line, no Englishman will try to get ahead of the line, and no one in the hospital "will come to ask for 5 minutes"... They are accustomed to value not only their own time, but also the time of those around them.
V recent times we often hear that the new generation has become too arrogant and ill-mannered and sometimes we forget who it is, this generation is raising it. The whole problem is that now we teach our children their rights and somewhat forget about their responsibilities. Consequence: children argue here and there, they cease to value parental work, they do not know the value of money. What's wrong? We love them too much! For example, in French families, not only children turn to their parents for "you", but also parents to children, which teaches children to understand that it does not matter who the person is or how old he is - he is primarily a person and should be treated with respect.
We, in turn, know how to love our children, but have not learned to respect them at all. We see them as children, and sometimes as our property, but we cease to understand that children also need to be appreciated and respected. To change the society around us, you have to start with yourself. You should be tolerant and look for only the best in people. Thus, we will change ourselves and someone will one day take us as an example. But what can be demanded from others or even from our own children, when we ourselves are not quite tactful ?!
Be that as it may, respecting others is our direct responsibility. Always try to put yourself in the place of another person - perhaps his act is quite justified, it is just that you cannot see it from our bell tower. We are all not without sin, so we can close our eyes to some unacceptable things for us and remember that as we are to people, so they are to us.

Respect is the most important element of any relationship. If it disappears, then it is felt especially acutely. Respect is the position of one person in relation to another, in fact, it is the recognition of the dignity of an individual. Therefore, it is useless to simply demand respect and insist on it if there are no such merits.

Indeed, respect can be easily lost; it happens quite often in couples. Both the man and the woman are very sensitive to the absence of this. important element... Moreover, if there is no respect in the family, then more and more often you have to resort to different kinds manipulation and pressure, because the partner simply does not want to hear and reckon with you. Although "does not want" is not entirely appropriate here - he or she simply does not have enough respect for you - rather, "cannot." But this trouble can be corrected if respect is restored. And here the adage “respect is easy to lose and difficult to gain” works great. Therefore, initially you need to understand through what actions you lost respect in the eyes of your partner.

Independence

How independent are you in financial plan? This does not mean that you have to make millions, but you have to have your own money to cover your expenses. You can use them or put them off, but the man knows that you are working and know how to earn money. Very often women feel that respect has disappeared just after she ceased to be financially independent, and men feel that she depends on him. You ask, but what if pregnancy and maternity leave. If you enter into a relationship with education, work experience and your achievements, albeit small, then everything will go smoothly.

Attitude to yourself

How do you feel about yourself, how do you take care of your body, education, health? And the point here is not at all about visiting beauty salons on a crazy schedule and not crawling out of the gym with books at the ready. This concern is initially born from the inside, in yourself, because you love yourself, respect and cannot allow yourself to be launched - this commands respect. You can also take care of yourself at home, and self-education can be a constant part of your lifestyle.

Emotional independence and adult attitude

The easiest way to lose respect is by making a man the center of your world, abandoning your life as reasonable for one reason or another. independent action above her, while being in the child's position of perception. Here there will be jealousy, and constant whims, and reproaches, and a lot of talk. And there is little sense, as well as serious actions and adult actions. To have respect for an addict emotionally, who does not want to control his moods and who allows himself to disrupt the communication format for a person is not just difficult, but most likely impossible.

Breaking personal boundaries

The last and probably one of the most important points is the violation of personal boundaries and the acceptance of those conditions that are uncomfortable for you in advance, both physically and emotionally. Swinging at work 24 hours a day for a small salary, you probably will not command respect from the man and those around him - rather, sympathy. But if you make sure that the conditions are more comfortable and acceptable for you, having received additional education or experience - then yes, they respect it. See, there is also a manifestation of caring and loving towards yourself. Your partner also understands this and simply mirrors your attitude towards yourself, and on an unconscious level. If you agree in advance to uncomfortable emotional conditions then it will be difficult for your partner to have respect for you too. Self-sacrifice and sacrifice in general do not command respect, no matter how much you like it.

Be more caring and kind to yourself. Respecting others starts with respecting yourself. This is manifested in actions, not in words.

My new article on the portal Lady.mail.ru -
"How Respect Is Shown in a Relationship: 10 Signs."

"A healthy relationship in a couple is built, first of all, on love and respect for each other.
Psychologist Irina Chesnova shows on specific examples how that respect can be shown.

1. Respect for needs and desires

A need is a need for something very good for oneself. The need for external good. Anyone needs food, safety, rest, companionship, acceptance, love. Needs are always good and natural. There is nothing shameful about needing support, for example. Or in recognition. Feeling good and needed. And in being in silence and loneliness. Needs should not be judged critically, nor should they be considered “wrong” or stupid for the other person (or for you). They are always correct! And you need to treat them with attention and care. Because of the fulfilled needs, the general satisfaction with life and the feeling of happiness are formed.

I am very tired, I need half an hour to rest.
What is your answer to this?
- What was there to get tired of? Weighed not bags! - In this phrase there is no respect for the needs of another person.
- Of course, rest, you need to recover. - And in this one.

Now about desires.

I really want bacon pizza!
- Where else with your weight pizza?

People who respect each other will never take a position "above" in communication. Respect is primarily a recognition that your human value- equal.

I really want bacon pizza!
- And I want ice cream! Although very harmful. Well, shall we go all out or shall we show willpower? - it looks like a conversation between two people who do not put themselves either higher or lower than the other.

2. Respect for specialties

Your living together will be the more comfortable and happy the better you can see and take into account which person is next to you, what are his mental properties and character traits, what he is capable of, and what are his limitations.

I can't do it / solve it so quickly, I need more time!
- You’re always slowing down! We need to think faster! - Here we see irritation and rejection that the other person is less quick and quick-witted.

Okay, I'll wait when you're done. And tell me if I can help you with something? - a calm and respectful phrase, in which there is no confrontation, but there is an offer of cooperation.

3. Respect for feelings and experiences

We are all living people, not robots. Sometimes we are very upset, angry, angry.

I get very upset when you say that ...
- What we are gentle! Doesn't it hurt your eyes? - This is neglect and the desire to hit harder.

I regret. This whole situation is very frustrating for me too. - So you show: I recognize your feelings, we are with you in the same boat. And there are no cracks in your relationship.

4. Respect for interests and tastes

Examples of disrespect:
- Than to go fishing (picking with flowers), it would be better if I read some clever book!
- Only narrow-minded women watch such serials.
- How can you even eat this? Looks awful!

The tastes and range of interests of any person is a personal, completely inviolable for others (even those closest to you) territory. If you don't like that your loved one pays too much attention to their addictions, this can and should be discussed. But criticizing, making fun of his hobbies "in general" is a blow below the belt and absolutely unacceptable things in respectful relationship.

5. Respect for values

Values ​​are what is of great importance to us, what we truly believe in, what we stand on. This is our attitude to the fundamental things in life, our ideas about acceptable behavior, our internal obligations to ourselves.

Instead of going to my parents to dig a garden to go, he could take me to a holiday home! - there is disrespect for what is important for a man - to help elderly parents, be a good son.

I know I need to help your parents. But I also really want to go to the holiday home. Let's think about how we can combine this so that everyone is happy. - By recognizing the values ​​of your partner, you can expect that he too will be attentive to what is dear to you.

6. Respect for point of view / vision / picture of the world

Only people who are lagging behind life can reason like that!
- You do not understand anything and haven’t smelled life.

Is it nice to hear that in conversation when you express your point of view? Of course, it’s unpleasant. Nobody likes it. How can you respectfully express your own vision, which is different from the vision of another? Very simply - with the words “I have a different opinion” (then follows an opinion starting with the words “I believe that”, “I believe that”, “My experience says that”) or “I disagree / I do not agree".

7. Respect for plans and aspirations

- Are you out of your mind? So much time and money to spend on it! You do not need it! - "You have no right to your development and your own life, I will decide what to do and what is good for you "- as this phrase says. Here the partner is perceived not as a separate person with his own free will and the right to dispose of himself, but as the property of another.

I want to get a second education.
- I'm not sure what now the right time for this, but if this is your decision - I will support him. - You do not need to enthusiastically accept all the intentions of your spouse, you may doubt their feasibility and prospects. But in any case, your loved one is an adult, and he himself is able to make life choices and be responsible for them.

8. Respect for the social circle

What do you have in common with these strange people with whom you hang out? They are not worth your time!

The social circle, like tastes, like a circle of interests, like outlook on life, is yours personally. No one can invade this area with their opinion and advice, if this advice is not asked. We are friends, we communicate with someone, because we are interested in them, we are connected by some kind of our own, unique story and emotional attachment. Treat these stories with respect and emotional attachments your loved one - means to respect him, to his personal space.

You know, I'm not very comfortable with your friends, but you feel good with them. Well, great, meet, communicate. Friendship is great.

Respect for your social circle is another thread that will strengthen your union, make it strong and safe.

9. Respect for choice

Look what I bought myself!
- I could have found something cheaper / more practical / better! - and again we hear here disdain, disapproval, confidence that the other is not able to do a good choice, the desire to assert itself and at the expense of loved one to acquire peace of mind.

Everything that the other chooses for himself is good, practical, right for him personally. You may not like his choice, but - think - do you need to spoil his mood with your opinion? It will not bring you closer, it will only push you away.

10. Respect for time

How long can you do this ?! Do you even look at the clock?

If you understand that at any given time your partner is busy with something important to himself, if you respect this “important”, you will never say so. You say:

It's late, you could not be distracted, I need your help.

If in any of your interactions you strive for cooperation, if you are happy for each other, cherish, treat with attention and respect everything that belongs to another (feelings, thoughts, plans, experiences, outlook on life), you create that very inspiring space , in which it is very joyful to live - the space of love. "

You need to think about creating harmony in marriage in advance, because the idea of ​​the compatibility of partners appears within a short period of time after the start of the relationship. Before legalizing an alliance, it is important to realize your own readiness for cohabitation, involving many tests and checks on the authenticity of feelings. Ultimately, a man's respect for a woman should be manifested in the following components of a love relationship:

recognition in the spouse of self-sufficiency and other personal qualities;
the lust of the chosen one, accompanied by compliments about sexuality and appearance sweetheart;
the absence in the relationship of assault and abuse, belittling feelings dignity women;
gratitude for caring for children and labor activity within the framework of everyday life;
respect for the opinion of the spouse, whose voice in acceptance family solutions plays an important role;
sympathy and moral support of the chosen one in difficult minutes life;
satisfaction sexual needs spouses.

A man must learn to perceive the opinion of a girl, directing, if necessary, the chosen one in the right direction. It is impossible to achieve respect without mutual understanding, so the dominant "males" will have to compromise with their own preferences and principles. True love and the ability to listen to your wife will not be allowed. The main thing is to really want to establish a bond with your partner, preventing conflicts and stressful situations from arising in the family. V otherwise the result of mutual grievances will be "screaming" loneliness, which causes serious mental disorders.

Features of a woman's respect for a man

If in eastern religions women unquestioningly fulfill the wishes and whims of men, then European standards accompanied by democracy in relationships. Often, girls show leadership skills, trying to take a dominant position in a love union. Such a combination of circumstances does not satisfy the needs of a man, so the emergence of conflicts is inevitable. Quarrels appear if a woman does not support a guy, arguing the oversight of the chosen one with criticism. To prevent marriage discord, a girl should have respect for a man, which is manifested in the following aspects of life:

recognition of the authority and dominant status of the partner;
trust, accompanied by support in the husband's making fateful decisions;
satisfaction with the physical and sexual strength of the chosen one (if necessary, it is necessary to criticize the partner in the form of wishes);
respect mental abilities and the talents of the spouse;
recognition of the self-sufficiency and spiritual solvency of the beloved;
support in stressful situations and moments of despair;
acceptance of the husband's hobbies and hobbies, which are especially difficult for guys to give up;
lack of arrogant phrases and raised tones in the dialogue;
respect for work activities and friends of the spouse who are an integral part of his Everyday life.

- irreplaceable personal characteristics, but showing such qualities is fraught with the occurrence conflict situations... It is important for women to learn to listen and hear the chosen one in order to avoid misunderstandings. Recognition of a man's talents and moral support in difficult situations allow the girl to create a cozy and favorable atmosphere in family.

In order to prevent the emergence of misunderstandings in family relationships, it is important to jointly create the right atmosphere in the house. People living in the same territory have to put up with bad habits other roommates. In an attempt to achieve mutual understanding accompanied by respect, regardless of the rank of the couple - long-term marriage or an emerging family, adhere to the following guidelines:

Do not be afraid to sort things out, preferring constructive dialogues to uncontrolled aggression. Competent quarrels advise married couples psychologists, explaining the need for conflicts by the opportunity to throw out negative energy and get rid of. After a meaningful conversation, the spouses have a chance to bring the marriage to new level, jointly solving pressing problems.
Self-respect is integral to a person's personality, so give Special attention... The people around you will not take your opinion into account if you are not confident in your own abilities. Only by fostering self-sufficiency inside, you can count on respect from the household.
To save a relationship, you need to learn to put up with the bad habits of other family members. Remember that prior to marriage, you were raised and lived in different conditions, therefore joint stay in one territory will be accompanied at first by a number of misunderstandings. In this situation, it is important to think again in time and find compromise solutions that suit all household members.
Appreciate the work and efforts of loved ones by expressing gratitude kind word or an unexpected surprise. A man tirelessly earns financial resources for the family, a woman monitors the household and keeps the house clean, and the child diligently learns school curriculum- each person fulfills his role, which is accompanied by characteristic difficulties. The efforts of all family members must be respected.
Sincere compliments and rewards are powerful arguments in winning the favor of the household. Having built a model of relationships based on affection and care, it is easier to avoid conflict situations and eliminate the risk of accumulating resentment in the soul.

Relationship with a child is a separate component family institute, in which respect must always be present. With the right parenting model, parents are presented to the baby as an example of respectful behavior in society. The children's subconscious mind projects communication between adults on its own life, therefore psychologists do not recommend swearing at raised tones with the offspring, sinking to insults. Parents must become authorities for the child, with the opinion of which must be reckoned with. In this situation, it is important to be guided by the general model of upbringing, periodically encouraging the preferences and wishes of the child. In an attempt to earn the respect of a son or daughter, you should not deprive them of their childhood by regularly criticizing and punishing them. The main thing and stick to common views uniting family members into one whole.

Family respect must be manifested in everyday things, testifying to the existence of mutual understanding between the household. Help in household chores or moral support in difficult times, joint searches a compromise solution or a noble act for the sake of a loved one - we can show own attitude to others different ways... The main thing is to take into account the opinions and preferences of people with whom we have to share joy and experience grief.

Our expert - psychologist Sophia Shnol.

Have to earn it?

We all know from childhood the well-known statement that we must respect the elders. This begs the question: is it necessary to respect only the elders (I wonder, from what age?) Or all people in general? It is still quite widely believed that children should not be respected because they have not yet grown up and have not done anything worthy of respect. Then it turns out that you need to grow up to respect or you have to earn it. In this case, it is more like maintaining a chain of command or a reward for achievement. But if we pay attention to the etymology of the verb "respect", we will see there a root common with the word "important." This will remind us that respect is not a manifestation of subordination or recognition of merit, but the consciousness that each person is important and worthy of attention to himself. Therefore, the topic of respect should not be considered narrowly, limited to the attitude of the younger to the elders - it concerns any relationship between people.

Every person at any age has the right to respect, simply because he exists in the world.

And don't forget that children always learn from adults. If we want them to respect us, we must first show them how respect is shown, what it is. Without meeting with respect in the family, they will never know what it is.

Keeping boundaries

Respect is closely related to the ability to notice the other person in their real manifestations. If a person is important in himself, then he is important. personal characteristics, his needs, his preferences, his feelings. I may not like its manifestations, but I cannot ignore them. Respect is shown in simple things, for example, in noticing the boundaries of someone else's personal space and observing them: not interrupting in a conversation, not entering without knocking, not taking things without permission ... Adults often require children to respect their own boundaries, but do not consider it necessary to respect children's personal space. Not noticing the other person and not taking into account his needs, we seem to leave no room for him, in fact we deny him existence. Unfortunately, adults quite often behave with children in this way (recall the parental motto from not so long ago: “Children should not be seen or heard!”). And to be honest with each other, older family members do not always behave respectfully. With such an attitude, it is difficult for a child to learn respect - he does not see an example.

Respect requires careful attitude... If we are attentive, we will begin to notice that people, especially children, usually give many hints on how to show respect to them. The child, who has not yet despaired of being heard, easily communicates that he feels what he likes or dislikes. For example, he does not want to eat noodles because it is "slippery". And here it is already up to parental attention. We can stop and admit that the vermicelli disgusts the child, or we can ignore his feelings and fall into "righteous" indignation about his "whim."

Let's start with ourselves

An attempt to respect others without respecting oneself leads to the fact that a person begins to feel like a victim and, as a result, is unconsciously angry with those whom we “should respect”. As a result, no respect is obtained, but, on the contrary, it turns out to be a complete violation of other people's boundaries. So our self-respect is necessary not only for ourselves, but also for the people around us, and first of all for our children.

If you notice that you do not have enough respect for yourself, try to highlight people in your environment who treat you with respect, and try to communicate with them more in order to get this experience from the outside first. The help of a psychologist can also come in handy here.

Personal opinion

Natalia Senchukova:

Raising a child is not a set of certain specific points and rules. This is a whole complex of factors and conditions. The most important thing in upbringing, I believe, is the lifestyle of the parents, their behavior. Personal example- this is the basis. Everything else is already some kind of auxiliary things that may or may not give a result.