Conditional and unconditional love, what is the difference and what is true love? True love is learning to accept the other, with his "dissent

And you don't really need to do anything. Of course, we all did too much, so most of us only experienced glimpses of this Genuine Love. But even these faint glimpses are enough to keep the fire going and remind us of this possibility.

Almost without noticing this, we are constantly in a relationship with someone. In the same way, we do not notice that we always expect to receive love from this someone with whom we are in a relationship... We were loved by mom, dad, then friends, boyfriend, wife. There was always someone who was supposed to receive love from.

Our attention is constantly directed outward... We are focused on the outside world in search of someone who will love us. Out of this tragic misunderstanding is born the suffering of constant efforts to find someone who will bring us love, and life becomes an endless series of relationships.

Yes, in fact, our relationship is very often fueled by fantasy. We have a fantasy about what a man and a woman should be, and we desperately prowl through parties until we find such a person, and then we say: "I love him" or "I love her."

By tying two random people together, the meeting takes place in a completely different way. Perhaps surprisingly, there is the possibility of a deeper encounter here. The point is that when two illusions meet, everything happens to a large extent in the sphere of illusion. When we meet with someone who was not specifically chosen as an object of attraction, then the meeting takes place in a different way. If you have been connected with a person you strongly dislike, then, without any doubt, very soon you will understand that this is just nonsense, complete nonsense. It's not that you don't like this person; he just does not fit into your illusion... And in the same way, you will see your illusion if you are connected with the one with whom you would most like to, since it is quite possible that this person you really do not like.

One of the problems in ordinary relationships is that people are often attracted to someone based on their own illusion... And so people get connected and stay together, because one corresponds to the illusion of the other. But the reality of an everyday encounter is that nothing works out, and it can take years to see it, because our fantasy is so strong.

So that, despite all the illusions and all your projections, an intimate meeting with another person can take place, you need to be very mature .

I would like to end with a very simple sentence for couples when they are going through dramatic moments.

Just sit on the couch together. Sit close enough to be comfortable and be quiet. Look each other in the eye. By simply sitting together and looking into each other's eyes, the mind and all the dramas it contains will begin to fade. You just start to be present. This person sitting opposite was chosen from hundreds of thousands of people, so there is naturally a very intimate and intimate connection between you. When you sit and look into each other's eyes, things will start to feel very different. The dramas will begin to fade, and the sense of peace will grow ever stronger, until finally Love comes. She just appears.

If you understand what is going on, you can understand that she is not really related to the other person. Love does not appear because the other now loves you. Love appears because the drama has stopped, thoughts have stopped, the mind has become silent. As soon as the mind is silent, you begin to move into Being, into your True Nature, into Silence, into Love, and this Love has nothing to do with another person. Of course, you can say that the other person is a mirror, or a catalyst, and this, of course, is true, but by its very essence, the Love that you suddenly begin to experience is your own Love. Not your own, of course, because it's just Love, and the Love that you experience from within is the same that your partner experiences. This Love is just Love. I call her True Love.

from Premananda's book "Satsangi at Arunachala"

Love in family relationships is indisputably more important than romance, although of course romance is a necessary component of marriage. Love does not flare up in a person, it grows inside him. However, no matter how much a person loves, it is very difficult for most people to express their love every day. Not all of us are gentle, caring, and understanding. Some say that love is just a temporary feeling, that love lasts three years. And maybe they will be right.

Falling in love is the beginning of a relationship, which, of course, is part of love. It is through falling in love that attraction arises between people, and this is an integral part of creating a marriage. However, over time, the feeling of falling in love dulls, disappears, and the spouses become unhappy with each other. But if you fight for the further future of family life, then young love will grow into mature, true love.

But how do you know if this is true love? Here are some principles of true love.
First, one must be aware of the enormous responsibility before choosing the future. However, some young immature and inexperienced people take responsibility for another person, and, as it often turns out later, this person is not able to bear such a burden. Assuring their “soul mate” in eternal love until the grave, such people then abandon their earlier obligations and get divorced, hoping to find a new love. However, they do not understand that the second and the third time will be exactly the same, because they need to understand the essence of the problem itself, analyze their actions. Such people are usually not ready for new tests, new problems and snags. A person must first of all realize that he must fight to strengthen relations, make great efforts. You need to be serious and attentive to the choice of your soul mate, this is what serves as an indicator of maturity and wisdom.
The second is that there are no conditions for love. Conditional love is not genuine love. After all, real, genuine love accepts a person as he is. Of course, there is no ideal love in life, but people should strive for this very ideal of love.
True love motivates us to meet the needs of another person. Such a funny phrase like “What is love? Bringing a glass of water in the middle of the night is love! " reflects the real serious essence of love. Of course, everyone can love a person in joy, but can everyone be able to keep love in sorrow and problems? This is the most important thing.
Also, oddly enough, true love for another person strengthens our love for ourselves. You should love your loved ones and loved ones as yourself. Often people do not pay due attention to this aspect, believing that loving yourself is a sin, complacency. However, self-love is not pomp and selfishness - it is, first of all, self-confidence, calmness, self-respect. After all, if a person respects himself, it means that he values \u200b\u200bhimself, his dignity and capabilities. Oddly enough, but relations spouses depend on their relationship to themselves.
True love allows the other to be who they are. The purpose of love is to give freedom to your loved one to be himself. This means that a person respects the decisions of the other, respects the decisions he made. It is thanks to this that we continue to develop as individuals in marriage, enjoy life.
And finally, only true love is lasting and permanent. True love doesn't fade away. However, love is a rather fragile feeling. Indeed, since most relationships begin with a passionate attraction, these feelings may not develop into great and bright love. After all, marriage is, first of all, responsibility. Selflessness is what true love is based on. Do not expect great love from your spouse; first, fall in love yourself. Live from today for deep and pure love and enjoy life together!

True love is inconceivable without the consciousness of great responsibility.
Since taking full responsibility for multiple members of the opposite sex is beyond human capabilities, we are ultimately forced to narrow our choices to one person. Most people lack the emotional energy to maintain multiple love relationships at once. It's just exhausting.
Immature and inexperienced people often take responsibility for another person, but later suddenly discover that they are unable to bear it. They swear eternal love, which in fact turns out to be very brief. Such people easily abandon their obligations, get divorced, and then carelessly rush towards new love. They don't even try to analyze their personal qualities and change for the better. It does not occur to them to ask themselves if they are ready for new challenges. Love will only grow strong if we continually make serious efforts to strengthen it. Being careful about your choices before turning a gift of love into a lifelong commitment is an indicator of a person's maturity.

True love is not limited by any conditions.
Conditional love is not genuine. Only in an atmosphere of unconditional love will the trust necessary for intimacy arise.
One woman admitted that her husband had a "conditional" love for her. She got the impression that his love depends on whether the house is clean and tidy. But in order for the house to be clean, she needs to know whether he loves her, regardless of whether the house is clean or not. Likewise, a woman can give her husband “on condition” intimacy. Such a wife promises to satisfy the sexual needs of her husband if he first completes a certain task, or on condition that his behavior will meet her requirements. All this is far from true love, and breaks family ties.
Unconditional, genuine love accepts a person as he is. Emotional and psychological barriers, selfishness interfere with our freedom to give our love to another without setting conditions. However, unconditional love is the ideal to which we should strive.

True love motivates us to meet the needs of others.
My favorite comic drawing shows Charlie Brown in pajamas walking with a glass of water to his beloved dog's booth. The caption reads: “What is love? Bringing a glass of water in the middle of the night is love! "
It is easy to love when your chosen one is affectionate and attentive. But how difficult it is to answer him with love in annoying, ordinary cases. You should not cheat in a benevolent manner, even if your spouse is acting imprudently. We must strengthen true mutual love by devoting our lives to the interests of another, even if our own interests are infringed upon.

True love strengthens our self-love.
The prerequisite for true love for the other is true self-love. But this should not be confused with pride. Self-love is based on the awareness of one's essence as a person worthy and significant in the eyes of God and the world around him. The Bible tells us to love our neighbors as ourselves. This also implies the following: what we would do for the benefit of our neighbors should also be done for our own benefit.
Often this thought remains in the shadows, and Christian doctrine is reduced to "works for the benefit of others." Often Christians regard taking care of themselves and acknowledging their worth as a sin. However, self-love isn't necessarily arrogance or arrogant complacency. It is a calm confidence that is based on a sense of self-worth and personal significance. If a person has self-respect (and not sick self-esteem), he can realistically assess his own merits and capabilities. He knows that he is no worse and no better than others. Arrogance is an unrealistically overestimated self-esteem, which leads to an unreasonable sense of superiority over others.
Perhaps someone will think: what does self-esteem and self-confidence have to do with it? However, this is a very important issue, since the relationship of the spouses is directly dependent on their self-respect and self-confidence.

True love allows the other to be who they are.
Love shouldn't be possessive. The Bible says: "Love ... does not rage, does not seek its own, does not get irritated, does not think evil" (1 Cor. 13: 5). True love recognizes the uniqueness of the spouse's personality, giving him the freedom to be himself. Such love excludes the attempt to turn the other into your own property and to manipulate him. It implies respect for the spouse's freedom to think their own way, feel their own way, and make their own decisions. She helps the spouse in self-expression and in realizing their capabilities.
Such love will not interfere with friendly contacts and interests outside the home, since each of us needs a certain "free space" in which we could develop as individuals. Without trying to block the whole horizon for another, we will give freedom to our chosen one to enjoy all the variety of rich life experiences.

True love is enduring and lasting.
One of the wonderful properties of true love is its constancy: “Love never fails” (1 Cor. 13: 8). Love cannot disappear. However, thousands of spouses, bitter and disillusioned, begin divorce proceedings, all of whom once claimed to be in love.
In most cases, love starts with infatuation. But, like a beautiful plant, love will fade and perish if the lovers have no idea how to feed it and how to care for it. Love, even true love, is a fragile creation.
A certain amount of self-discipline is required of a truly loving person. I like this definition of marriage: complete responsibility for the other for the rest of your life. The key word is “responsibility” (obligation), which, in turn, implies inviolability.
The following can be said about a strong marriage. Mood and life circumstances cannot change the deep love that spouses have for each other. Mutual responsibility makes them inseparable, despite the fact that human emotions, of course, are subject to fluctuations. At times, the spouse can be frustrating and her romantic feelings disappear. At other times, the spouse may make a mistake and make serious mistakes. It happens that both are seized with anger, resentment, bitterness or despair. However, true love is above all this and is able to overcome many everyday difficulties. Romantic feelings can let you down, but the true love you grow will keep you together even during difficult times.
Selflessness is what true love is based on. A lasting union of love will develop as the personality goes from self-centeredness to complete self-giving. In order to receive love, you need to learn to give it away. Jesus said, “Give, and it will be given to you” (Luke 6:38). And this His commandment is fully applicable to family relationships. If you want your marriage to be filled with deeper love, start by loving more yourself. Rather than expecting your spouse to show love for you, make it a rule to be the initiator here.

Think about what your spouse's needs are, and start living them from today, from now!

In real life, not everyone has the happiness of meeting a handsome prince, falling in love, and even more so - keeping a deep feeling for many years. Why is this happening?

Every girl dreams of attracting love into her life, waiting for her with bated breath, trying to see her betrothed in all men. But finally, they meet - He and She. A spark runs between them, or, as they say now, chemistry arises. All thoughts are occupied by him, the only and most beautiful man in the world. It is already impossible to imagine your life without him. I want to sing and laugh. Feelings are overflowing. And the beloved reciprocates! What is this if not love? But in a state of euphoria, it is very difficult to distinguish a genuine feeling from an unconscious love, physical attraction or fleeting passion.

How to tell love from falling in love?

True love has settled in the heart or not, only time can show. That is why it is so important not to rush, but to try to get to know your beloved better and intelligently understand your attitude towards him. Indeed, often a girl falls in love with a person with whom she has nothing in common. A sudden outbreak of love is inherently the very beginning of love. How to tell love from falling in love? The line between them is very thin, barely discernible. It is difficult to predict the further transformation of this unusually vivid but quickly passing feeling. Although there are several signs that allow, at the beginning of a relationship, to distinguish true love from a simple romantic passion.

Confidence in a lover

True love is impossible without reciprocity and complete confidence in the feelings of the other person. Relationships will only last long when they are based on mutual trust. If there are doubts about the loyalty or sincerity of the chosen one, then this in the future will inevitably lead to difficulties in relationships, scandals and quarrels. True love implies the ability to freely talk with a partner on any topic, without fear of being ridiculed or misunderstood. Love will always help close people always understand each other. The knowledge that you are loved is the best guarantee of a reliable and lasting relationship. Distance is a kind of indicator of a relationship. Falling in love in separation passes, and love only becomes stronger, for her, distance is not an obstacle.

Best friend

Support and mutual assistance

If the chosen one is fixated only on himself and does not want to delve into the difficulties of his woman, then this is not the right person. True love completely eliminates selfishness; it is impossible without mutual help. A loving person is ready to do everything in order to see his soul mate happy, even sacrificing his own interests for this. Close people cope with all difficult situations together, helping each other and supporting.

Honesty in a relationship

Finding your love is not enough. Lies and even reticence can destroy relationships, undermine trust in a loved one. True love is impossible without sincerity and honesty. It is very important to talk frankly with each other when discussing various issues. Even if you know that the beloved may not share your point of view or condemn you. Sooner or later, the truth will come out, and this will lead to complications. Lying is a manifestation of disrespect for a loved one, which can offend and offend. Loving people accept each other as they are without trying to remake. They try to understand each other's motives and support in any situation.

Ability to compromise

It is extremely rare to find a man and a woman with exactly the same characters and habits. We are all different. And if at first everything in the beloved admires, then after a while eyes begin to open to the existing shortcomings. And everyone has them, even the most beautiful people. The attitude to the shortcomings of the chosen one helps to check your feelings. If a girl is able to accept not the best character traits of a loved one, without trying to change him, then this is a sure sign of genuine feeling. When two are able to make compromises so as not to upset each other, then this is an indicator that love is real. Loving people are able to forgive a lot in order to keep her.

Is there a love over which time has no power

Genuine feelings do not go away with time. They only transform, becoming more mature. Romantic love is replaced by sensual attraction, which is then replaced by friendship and mutual respect. Loving people become close and dear. True love is able to overcome all everyday troubles, life difficulties and trials. It is the time that will help to assess the constancy and strength of feelings.

And while some people ponder how to attract love into their lives, others who have already found it know that true love is a great happiness, the greatest gift. And if you were able to find love, then you need to carefully store it, protect it from the destructive effects of life's adversities and annoying little things.

What is true love and how can you recognize it?

Do you understand what is the difference between love and being in love? A million light years between them!

“If what you are experiencing is genuine love, then you wish well for the other person. If you want another person, then it's falling in love. ”- Margaret Anderson

“If what you are experiencing is genuine love, then there can be no ownership in your relationship.” - Karen Casey

I love this saying by Margaret Anderson. is precisely this. However, I would like to complement this statement. If what you are experiencing is genuine love, then you desire, not only the good for a loved one, but also your own good. When you provide your highest good and your loved one’s highest good, you will never have to keep him close to you. You are just happy to share love with this person and do not feel the need to receive his love by "keeping" him "on a leash."

If love is real, then there can be no control in the relationship. True love involves your own freedom and the freedom of your loved one. The difference between love and being in love lies in the fact that falling in love is often accompanied by jealousy and a sense of possessiveness, which arises from the fear of losing a loved one. "Love" that is based on the fear of losing is NOT genuine loverather affection. Falling in love arises from the expectation that someone will come and fill this emptiness. The cause of inner emptiness is.

True love to another person is born of true self-love. If you know your true self and love it, then you can see and love the true self of another person. The difference between love and being in love consists in the fact that falling in love arises from the projection onto another person of those qualities that you DO NOT recognize in yourself. When you are in love, you see the other person through the prism of your Ego, the false “I,” through the prism of your self-forgetfulness.

Bypassing falling in love, we strive to find true love

True love Is the most significant experience in our life. There is nothing more joyful than giving your heart and soul to your loved one and receiving the same love in return. There is nothing more important than those moments in life when you can share love with your soul mate.

• You are not cultivating self-esteem on your own;
• You do not defend your rights if someone infringes on them;
• You do not take responsibility for the feelings you have, and you do not learn anything from them;
• You are not financially secure;
• You are not providing yourself with a reliable relationship;
• You don't take care of your body or control your time;
• You are not creating a positive environment around you.

True love lives in ourselves when we love and value ourselves. Self-love and spiritual self-knowledge open our hearts to the love of God, the universe.

The difference between love and falling in love is that true love comes to a person who lives a full life, and falling in love occurs when a person is in need, a need for someone to come and fill his life. That is why, every short-term love is not the last in a person's life.

Love in a long-term relationship can NOT be based on what do you get from this relationship... Love in a long-term relationship is based on about your own inner nature and about the inner nature, the true self, of the other person. If you live in oblivion of your true self, which God created, you probably cannot realize the true self of another person. In this case, you believe that your false self, filled with fears and false beliefs,