The man offered to be friends on a social network. "Friends on social networks are not serious." reasons to befriend your boss on a social network

The issue of friendship between a man and a woman causes a lot of controversy and discussion in society. Some say that this is impossible in principle, others prove the opposite is true, relying on their own successful experience in this regard.

According to a survey conducted among different age groups, most of the population is convinced of the existence of such a concept, and people judge from personal experience. It is curious that boys and girls under 25 are rated the same way. But with age, the enthusiasm of men decreases, and women, on the contrary, are more often ready to see a friend in men.

It turns out that some can calmly communicate with a representative of the opposite sex, be it Leo, Aquarius or Capricorn, and at the same time not experience any feelings and sexual attraction, others inevitably have feelings. Determining your own belonging to one category or another is possible only empirically.

If you are already thinking about how to become a man's friend, try to be honest: ask yourself what you want to get out of this relationship. If you understand that you like this man as a person, it is easy and pleasant for you to communicate with him, but at the same time he does not arouse romantic feelings in you, then you can safely consider him as a friend.

In practice, even friendships are not always easy and simple. Sometimes it becomes necessary to make some effort to make a man your friend. With age, a person develops certain rules of behavior, and he is reluctant and distrustful of contact with unfamiliar people. If you offer friendship directly, they may be suspected of selfish intent or secret admiration.

In order not to find yourself in an awkward situation, do not rush. Try to find out more about the man you are interested in, look for him on social networks, try to enter the social circle in which he is. The situation will be greatly simplified if you have mutual acquaintances. You will be able to get to know him better, and the fact of acquaintance will give you every right to invite him for a walk or a trip to the cinema.

How to behave properly with a male friend?

If you feel at ease in each other's company, the friendship will start by itself. And here, in order not to spoil the relationship that has arisen, you need to learn how to behave correctly with a man-friend:

• If you see only a friend in him, you should not provoke him with frivolous outfits and conversations on intimate topics. Although the line may blur over the years, and the level of trust will increase so much that you will easily discuss any topic, at the initial stage this is not worth doing.
• Do not allow yourself to condemn his choice - his wife, girlfriend or mistress, discuss in a negative way the qualities of his chosen one. You can expect the same behavior on his part.
• You should not enter into an intimate relationship with a friend, unless, of course, this is your secret goal. As a rule, friendship ends immediately at this point, and whether a romantic relationship with a former friend will turn out is still unknown.
• If you or your friend are dating or getting married, be prepared for the fact that your halves will not be able to understand this friendship, and your close and trusting relationship will make them jealous. You may even find yourself in a difficult situation of choice.

In any case, a man-friend will not be jealous, will not take the guy away, will not discuss you with your girlfriends. It's another matter if a man only pretends to be a friend and took advantage of the offer just to be closer to you. Then from such a friendship there can be more trouble than pleasure.

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Orthodox calendar

Thursday, 25 April 2019(April 12 old style)
Passion week
Great Fours. Remembrance of the Last Supper.
Memorial Day of Saints:
Venerable Basil isp., Bp. Pariysky (after 754). Schmch. Zinona, bishop Veronian (about 260). Venerable Isaac the Syrian in Spoletus of Italy (550). Prmchch. Mina, David and John (after 636). Venerable Anfuses of the virgin (801). Venerable Athanasius Abbess (860).
Memorial Day for Confessors and New Martyrs of the Russian Church:
Prmch. Sergiy Krestnikov (1938).
Day of veneration of the icons of the Mother of God:
Murom (XII) and Belynichskaya (XIII) icons of the Mother of God.
Great post.
The marriage ceremony is not performed during Great Lent.
Readings of the day
Gospel and Apostle:
In the morning: -Luke 22: 1-39; Twelve Gospels of the holy passions of Jesus Christ: John 13: 31-18: 1; John 18: 1-28; Matthew 26: 57-75; John 18: 28-19: 16; Matthew 27: 3-32; Mark 15: 16-32; Matthew 27: 33-54; Luke 23: 32-49; John 19: 25-37; Mark 15: 43-47; John 19: 38-42; Matthew 27: 62-66 In lit .: - Ap .:1 Cor. 11: 23-32 Ev .:Matthew 26: 1-20; John 13: 3-17; Matthew 26: 21-39; Luke 22: 43-45; Matthew 26: 40-27: 2
Psalter:
In the morning: -Ps. 91-100; Ps. 101-104 Ps. 105-108 For the evening.: -Ps. 119-133

Traditionally, the opinion has developed that men are friends with men, and women exclusively with women. This stereotype divides people into two camps: boys and girls. But is there really no friendship between a man and a woman? Quite a lot of people think so. A man and a woman, first of all, are halves for each other, so their union is quite normal. Representatives of the fairer sex consider every man as a potential spouse, although often many are not suitable for this role. But if a man could become a woman's friend, then he has every chance of becoming loved and the only one.

Often, close relationships built on friendship are much stronger and more lasting than love built on the foundation of passion and physical attraction. Does friendship of the two sexes always develop into a deep feeling, or is it likely to be sincere, purely friendly relations without unnecessary background?

Some girls with a storm of emotions are sure that they have a male friend and that they do not have any passion for him and would not want such a relationship to develop into love. At the same time, not a single representative of the fair sex can fully know the thoughts and feelings of her friend. And it is quite possible that this man sees her in a dream, imagines himself next to him, and friendship for him is just a good excuse to constantly be there.

Another opinion is that the friendship of the sexes is quite feasible if each friendly side has its own half and strong relationship. Such friendship can help you better understand your soul mate, because there is an opportunity to clarify controversial points with a friend. Often, only a man can understand a man's behavior and tell how things really are to an emotional woman. But this kind of relationship is quite rare, like everything ideal in the world.

Some modern girls find friends among the representatives of sexual minorities. This option is a guarantee that your spouse will not be jealous of a new friend. Among other things, together with such a friend, you also get a girlfriend in the kit. Together for shopping and to the make-up artist, you can turn to him and for men's advice. In general, this option is winning, although even here one cannot avoid the possibility of feelings on the part of the fair sex. But for many girls, on moral and ethical principles, such a friendship is impracticable.

It can be quite difficult to make a choice between a beloved spouse and a man-friend, in any case, refusing one of them, a woman loses quite a lot. True, if you are confident in your choice, if it is with this person you are able to build a strong family and have children, then it is better to compromise and abuse frequent meetings with a friend (provided, of course, that your spouse has something against them) ...

But if your chosen one prohibits all communication with other men, puts an ultimatum, then here we are already talking about distrust of you. Are you sure disbelief strengthens your feelings? Most likely this is a reason to think, but that's another question….

Provided that you have not yet found the one and only, but have met a wonderful man for friendship, then, of course, it is worth being friends, without hesitation, whether friendship will result in something more serious. After all, it is wonderful when two worlds - the world of a woman and a man - unite in friendship. This union will bring you a lot of new things. And if over time your friendship turns into true love, you can consider it a gift from above. Trust your feelings and emotions without looking back, do not give in to unnecessary thoughts.

But it also happens that, after an unexpected intimacy, a man and a woman realize that they have made a mistake. They do not love each other, and now a lot of things interfere with the past friendship. In conversations, the former ease disappears, and then the relationship itself perishes. The main thing is not to say everything you think. Trust him, tell us about your experiences and thoughts, maybe then you will come to an agreement together and continue to communicate further.

Why does the partner offer to remain friends, and does not completely end the relationship?

Unfortunately, such a proposal does not always mean the intention to be friends. It is possible that your beloved has lost heart and did not find enough strength in himself to tell you honestly that everything is over between you.

This behavior is dictated by a sense of guilt towards you, already a former participant / s of the relationship and a desire to smooth out internal discomfort. So to speak, to save face in front of yourself - to remain with a good opinion of yourself. This way, your partner will gradually train you to think that you are not together, making the breakup less painful for you. This “wise and noble” way of solving a problem helps him / her avoid feeling guilty towards you.

If friendship is more than love

Of course, it also happens that a man and a woman converge due to the commonality of vital interests, views, and the same worldview. The priority here can be a passion for some idea, a desire to achieve a common goal. This is especially true for people who have dedicated themselves to a career or creativity.

And in this case, a love relationship can distract such a person from the dominant sphere and create unnecessary tension in the couple. This is what can serve to the fact that the partner wants to break off love relationships, but leave the opportunity to communicate with a person close in spirit and offer: "Let's stay friends."

Here you need to understand that the person wants to put an end to the love relationship. Despite the fact that he sincerely wants to continue communication with you, all attempts will get closer to a distance greater than a friend - will be suppressed. This will be perceived by him as an obstacle to the achievement of his goals and a limitation of freedoms.

There is another situation in which the beloved unexpectedly offers to remain friends, when you thought everything was going well at first. It is at such a moment when the relationship becomes more intimate (in the soul, not the physical sense) or the partner needs to make commitments, he / she offers to distance himself somewhat - to communicate just like friends. However, while not assuming parting.

This is due to the fact that due to their fears, complexes, negative experience, the partner, on the one hand, is afraid to enter into long-term close relationships. But on the other hand, he wants and really needs such a relationship. This ambivalence of your partner's needs can lead your relationship into a closer-further game.

This means that whenever you are emotionally close to your partner, he / she will show coolness. However, once you agree to just friendship, your partner will convict you of insufficient love for him / her. And if your behavior is not very convincing, in the opinion of your partner, then he / she will prefer to break them.

Although for a while, you may be able to stay in such a relationship. Here, a feature of friendship between a man and a woman will be the confusion of the very concepts in these relations. You will be considered a "friend" but very close. So close that sometimes you will wake up in the same bed.

This behavior is due to the deepest problems of the partner / shea, related to the basic distrust of the world. It is formed in early childhood as a result of parenting. It is the violation in the development of relations between the child and the parents that entails the consequences of the fact that the grown child in adult life avoids relationships with people, since he does not have the appropriate experience of being in them.

This is the only time the partner / s has a need for intimacy. However, his / her own fear stops his / her desire for close relationships and makes it almost impossible for partners to build truly trusting and long-term relationships.

Perhaps the most unenviable situation is if you are caught in a love triangle.

When a guy and a girl enter into a love relationship, and then it turns out that the loved one is married or just has a relationship on the side. Moreover, these other relationships could appear both before your acquaintance, and after that. The key point is the fact that the partner gives preference to other relationships.

These cheaters / s unknowingly enter into complex relationships in order to fuel their self-worth through feelings of suffering, jealousy, guilt, remorse and forgiveness. Thus, a person compensates for his failure to build a full-fledged relationship in a couple. The fact of other relations that surfaced to the surface can affect the further development of events in different ways.

For fear of ruining his / her current relationship, he / she may try to translate yours into a friendly format. The fact is that while you did not claim exclusive rights to him / her, the partner / sha could afford a relationship with you. As soon as this threatens the real relationship, the partner / s will attempt to move you to a safe distance.

And the offer - let's stay friends, is just a signal that you are breaking his / her comfort zone. You are given to understand that in fact you have no exclusive rights to him / her. In this case, if there is a love relationship, it will be solely "out of friendship."

In another variant with a love triangle, he / she, on the contrary, wants to continue a close relationship with you, but without prejudice to the present. This is especially expressed in the classic triangle "husband-wife-husband's mistress." The man himself in this situation is happy with everything, and he does not intend to change anything. And to smooth over this awkward moment - about his double life, he can offer to remain friends. In this case, your role in his life is emphasized, where you are given an honorable second place after your wife.

Relationships in a love triangle are a topic for another article.

In the context of today's topic, it is important for us to consider this situation from the point of view of understanding, the proposal received from the partner: "Let's stay friends."

Such a proposal in this situation means that you are offered to actually deliberately enter into a love triangle. in such a triangle has its own nuances. By referring to you as “friend,” the partner will nevertheless refer to you as “lover / s”.

Remember that in such a triangle, in fact, all participants suffer, and the possibility of finding personal and family happiness is rather doubtful for you.

What if you still take the risk and agree to friendship?

Before agreeing to such a friendship, you should pay attention to an important nuance in this situation. Try to define for yourself:

What do I want from this relationship?

What feelings do I have for my partner / si?

Will you be able to communicate with your partner / s without feeling sexual desires for him / her?

Are you sure that you will not be jealous of your partner / shu towards his / her new chosen one?

It should be noted that you have opposite needs in this relationship - you want love relationships and strive for them, and your partner / sha does not want love with you and will avoid it. Therefore, you will not be able to build normal relationships, even just friendly ones.

What will happen to you in such a friendship? You will constantly prove your worth as a loved one. Tormented by questions: What is wrong with me? Why am I not suitable? Why doesn't she / he want to be with me? Such friendship will be accompanied by your difficult inner experiences. By agreeing to the offer - "let's stay friends", you will most likely experience a mixed cocktail of resentment, anger and despair.

A married man invites a free woman to date. Having received a refusal, he agrees to be friends. What does "friendship" mean in his understanding? And is friendship between a man and a woman even possible? If so, what do you think, under what conditions?

I guess he is still counting on getting the woman into bed. Because friendly sex has not been canceled yet.

"if a man cannot become a woman's lover, he becomes her friend" (Honore de Balzac, I think). Perhaps he is so confident in himself that he believes that he will "burn out" later. in any case, it is somehow not very reasonable to trust a man who first wanted to cheat on his wife with you. but we do not know him, just as we do not know the whole situation.

friendship between a healthy man and a healthy woman is impossible. and in a specific case, he still hopes to drag you into bed, hiding behind friendship with you.

I think he hopes with the help of friendship to become closer to you, and there you may melt and agree with him to a frivolous relationship! Friendship of a man and a woman almost always ends with "rapprochement". It seems to me that one of the friends of the opposite sex will still feel unfriendly feelings.

If you are interested in a man, then friendship will not work ...

Friendship in his understanding means that he will wait until she herself jumps on his neck, and at this time he will, as far as possible, beat off her free suitors. Friendship between a man and a woman is possible when they are united by common interests, and not by the desire of one to drag the other into bed.

Friendship between a man and a woman is impossible.
Passion, enmity, adoration, love - just not friendship.

Oscar Wilde
And the whole history of mankind has confirmed this more than once.
What does it mean that male pride is hurt and wounded, and that he hopes
starve to death, it is possible that such situations have arisen in him before, in general, when this topic arises, it means that one of the two has a glimmer of hope, no matter what sauce it is served.
If a similar situation arises after a relationship, then it is possible that the person wants to leave, but leave the door ajar, just in case, it will suddenly come in handy ...
good luck!)

In his understanding, "friendship" is most likely without a bed, but in his thoughts such a "friendship" is hardly possible ... He hopes that everything will happen somehow later ..

In his understanding, this can mean anything - both the hope for the development of relations in the future, and simply the desire to maintain good relations between you, so that neither you nor he have any tension in communication and an unpleasant aftertaste. It is not his understanding of such friendship that is important here, but yours. It is you who set the limits of friendship for yourself. For example, if I were you, I would communicate well with him in the company of other friends, congratulate him on the holidays, but if he began to invite the two of us to go somewhere under the pretext of a friendly walk, I would no longer agree. I believe that if a person is married (married), then friendship between women and men can only be in companies, and if they constantly meet together, this is something more than just friendship.

That's it: "free woman". If you meet with him, then in the opinion of society, you will remain free, because society perceives only an official marriage. You can successfully meet with him for a very long time, and at the same time receive very beneficial help from him. In addition, if you break up, spoil someone else's family, you will look like a very successful woman in your own eyes. But there is one "but". There is no purity and high spirituality in these relationships. But we are, after all, spiritual beings ... Sometimes it's worth thinking about the meaning of life, and then acting.

This is called "Or maybe I'm waiting until you get drunk")) But seriously - I don't believe in friendship between a man and a woman, if both excite each other.

The main thing is not to drink together if you have to stay overnight together!)) May bear it, or maybe everything will be smooth, that's who can tell you if this man has a plan ... But no one can say for sure what will happen. For example, I am friends with girls, I help my friends, while I have a beloved, she trusts me, so everything is fine, there is friendship!

Not necessary. Friendship in his understanding means that he will still get you if he takes a long time to court. You will be friends, that is, communicate on topics that are important to you, right? For a woman, such verbal communication is very important and can be a bridge to falling in love. And the man will be happy in this case to give you his energy, which in fact should be given to his wife. Conversations on important and close topics should bring the spouses closer together, and not the married man and his woman friend. This is a gimmick.
Friendship between a man and a woman is possible as part of love between spouses, between women and gays, and in cases where the friendship initially developed as friendship. But when a married man offers to be friends, if he was denied more, it means that he has not abandoned the idea of \u200b\u200bhaving an affair with you.

You see the question that someone from the site users asked the Universe, and the answers to it.

The answer is either people who are very similar to you, or your complete opposites.
Our project was conceived as a way of psychological development and growth, where you can ask for advice from "similar" and learn from "very different" things that you do not know or have not tried.

Do you want to ask the Universe about something important to you?

A few years ago, I wrote an article called "", which discussed the feasibility of such a friendship, but without regard to the desire to return the guy. That is, it was assumed that returning is not your goal. Over the time since that publication, in the comments to my articles people often ask: “What to do if the ex after the breakup offered to“ stay friends ”? Should I agree to a new format of relations in the form of "friendship"? Will this “friendship” with the ex help bring him back? Today I will try to answer these questions.

Should you accept your ex-boyfriend's offer to “stay friends”?

It is unlikely that you can find any other factor that would have a greater negative impact on the chance than “staying friends”. Nothing will slow down the healing process any more.

You might think that putting the relationship into a state of "friendship" will help you get closer to your boyfriend, but in reality, you will move further away from him. The longer the "friendship" lasts, the deeper you become a friend and the less chances that the guy will again see you as a romantic, not platonic partner.

Also, it is worth noting that this "friendship" will not bring you joy. Imagine, for example, how your ex-boyfriend starts dating another girl, and you have to sit back and watch, because you are a friend. Moreover, you will need to portray "happiness", because you are a friend. Now imagine how a guy walks with this girl "by the hand" where you walked with him and how he takes her to "your places". Now try to imagine him calling you the next day to talk about it, listen to your opinion, and ask for advice.

Think, how can you be so "friends"? - Of course not! If you still love him, you cannot deceive yourself and pretend that no love exists. The passive role of a friend will only lead you to the most severe jealousy, bitterness, and ultimately to anger and resentment.

The biggest misconception about "friendship" with an ex

When a guy after a breakup says, “Let's stay friends,” “I don't want to lose touch with you,” “we will still communicate,” or something like that, it's very easy to make a mistake and agree with that. The reason for this error is trivial: you do not want to "lose it completely." But the "ultimate loss" that most girls talk about is nothing more than an illusion and self-deception. For you, there is not and cannot be any "inconclusive" loss. There is or is not a romantic relationship, there is no third way. After all, you need a romantic relationship, not just any one. But for the guy who left you, there is just an inconclusive loss, because friendship with you suits him completely, and only after losing this friendship, he will completely lose you.

It seems to you that by "remaining friends" with your ex, you do not lose contact with him. You can, as before, call or write to him, talk to him, see him or even hang out somewhere. You think that over time, an insight will suddenly descend on him, he will understand that he loves you, after which the relationship will be restored in the most natural way. At first glance, a simple, straightforward and easy strategy. However, the reality is that it almost never works. Becoming a friend to your ex does not increase the chances of him coming back; on the contrary, it decreases them, making it extremely unlikely to come back.

Why? - After all, a guy has everything he had at the time you were in a relationship, but at the same time he is free of any obligations to you. And if you take into account that in many cases "friendship" with the ex also includes "friendly" sex, then the guy is completely satisfied with everything.

Let's take a look at the situation from your ex-boyfriend's perspective:

He gets the opportunity to freely communicate with you when he needs;
he can see you when he pleases or when he misses you;
he can have fun with you in his free time and even offer joint travel, vacations, trips, parties, picnics (and you will not refuse, you will not risk it);
he is not obliged to call you, write, entertain, pay attention, listen, etc., because he is not your boyfriend, but just a friend;
he can quite calmly date other girls without risking losing you;
he also gets the opportunity to maintain an intimate relationship with you.

Name at least one reason why the guy, having all this, wants to reconnect with you. Seriously, think about it. Your ex-boyfriend has no incentive to come back to you. Having got you as a friend, he has everything he could have in a relationship.

The ex-boyfriend derives the maximum benefit from his "friendship" with you - you love him, take care of him, try to please, in the hope that he will return, and the boy is only "friends" with you. In fact, your ex is exploiting your feelings, giving you false hope that makes you be a very good, perfect friend against all odds. You cannot be offended, respond to rudeness or neglect, because if you fail, then your hope is the end. It seems to you that then you will “lose him completely,” and the guy uses your tension and fear even unconsciously (and sometimes consciously).

A very unpleasant situation, isn't it? - But the worst thing is that you yourself are to blame for this, if you agreed to "remain friends" even after the guy left you. Do not entertain yourself with illusions. Offering friendship, the guy is not guided exclusively by crystal clear thoughts. Think, if you are not good enough for him to be his girlfriend, then why are you good enough to be his friend? Doesn't that seem strange? By agreeing to be a friend, you are agreeing to lowering your status, which is humiliating.

Imagine that your best friend would announce that now she will not consider you her best friend, but only a friend, but at the same time insists on continuing communication, spending time together and on mutual assistance: “I want you to continue to treat me like your best friend, but you won't be my best friend. " Is it humiliating? - Yes! Would that suit you? Would you agree to this? - No! And why then do you need to settle for even more humiliation in front of your ex? Even if you are very much guilty before him, then this is only a reason for apologizing, for working on yourself, but not a reason for humiliation and loss of self-esteem.

What to do if your ex-boyfriend wants to be "friends"

The solution to this problem is actually very simple and obvious: you should tell him no. Just say so bluntly: "Thank you, but no." You love him too much to allow yourself to be content with only the status of a friend, to pretend that this suits you and not dare to show your true feelings. Therefore, - either love, or nothing. Maybe someday in the future you will be able to become his friend, but not now and not in the near future. Just wish the guy all the best and say goodbye to him.

If you can do that, the guy will naturally not be happy, because this is not at all what he expected. Breaking up is an unpleasant thing not only for the one who is being dumped, but also for the one who is dumping. Of course, these are different levels of "trouble", but at the same time, they are troubles and worries for both parties. In such conditions, the guy wants to ensure himself freedom of maneuver, but at the same time he deprives you of this freedom.

He became uncomfortable with you (which is why he broke off the relationship), but he still does not know how he will be without you. So he seeks to make the transition from the state "with you" to the state "without you" as painless as possible for himself. The guy kind of puts his foot in the door so that you don't close it, on the other hand, he falls on the same door so that you don't open it, and the resulting gap, the width of which, by the way, is under his complete control, he calls "friendship" ... Thus, he does not need to make a choice - to be with you or without you, since you, as it were, remain with him. He does not lose anything and does not risk anything.

It is worth noting that this guy's behavior is not malicious intent to cause you suffering. In situations like this, most people follow this pattern. If there is an opportunity not to make a choice and not to risk later regretting his decision, the person will use this opportunity as long as he is allowed to.

Indeed, it is one thing to look for new clothes while the old one remains with you, but quite another, when, before buying a new one, the old one must be given away. This is a completely different level of responsibility for your decision, there are risks, right?

By denying a guy “friendship” after breaking up, you deprive him of freedom of maneuver and force him to make a choice that he avoids in every possible way, because as a result of this choice he really risks losing you “completely”.

Refusing the offer to “stay friends” is a very powerful move that makes the guy think hard about the correctness of his decision. Indeed, in this case, you also get freedom of maneuver, exactly the same as he did. Hence, you can live your life, date other guys, have fun without your ex, and he won't even know who, when, and where. Does this prospect please him? - Of course not!

In many cases, having received a refusal in "friendship" from the girl he left, the guy can really understand after a relatively short time that he hastened to break off the relationship and is not ready for his girlfriend to go to another. This may lead the guy to think that maybe it is worth rebuilding the relationship, but just before that, work better on mutual understanding.

In fact, guys are not at all as cruel as it seems from their actions and are not as difficult to understand as they seem. Therefore, you should know that when a guy says: “It's all over between us,” and his decision is final, irrevocable, and under no circumstances will he return to you, then in fact there - inside him, everything is not so simple. And if he offers you "friendship" after the breakup, then even more ambiguous.

Why you shouldn't pay attention to your ex's attempts to be friends

The fantasy of almost every girl left by a boyfriend looks something like this: Suddenly the phone rings, and the girl sees that this is her ex-boyfriend. Excited, she watches his name and number appear on the phone screen ... or a letter comes from him, or a message on a social network, or something else. In short, it doesn't matter which way, but he wants to contact her. Now she will answer him and hear that he loves her, cannot live without her and wants to restore relations ...

But is it really so? - As a rule, not at all. Why, then, does your ex-boyfriend want to contact you? What does this mean?

In such a situation, you are too excited to understand the reasons for his attempts to reach out to. More often than not, the ex-boyfriend needs contact not in order to restore the relationship. Usually - this is "reconnaissance" in order to find out - whether the "place of your boyfriend" vacated by him is free and whether it is still reserved for him. He needs the most complete information in order to understand how free he is in maneuver and how much time he has to stay in a state when he does not yet need to make the final choice between "being with you" or "being without you." Simply put, the guy wants to know how great the risk of losing you is, whether you feel free in your further actions.

It is possible that the contact will be supported by some plausible excuse, for example, "to pick up your things." Maybe he wants to look at you, see you, visit your home, so that the "intelligence data" about the assessment of your current position is as accurate as possible. He can also collect information through friends, colleagues, relatives. During a contact or meeting, he will probably want to enlist your consent in the future to maintain constant contact (“let's talk, because you are not a stranger to me”), and ideally, “become friends” in order to have a guarantee of freedom maneuver (which I already wrote about above). Sometimes a guy can resort to manipulation - start to “take offense” if you refuse him “friendship” and blackmail you with “his final loss”, but he will do this only in order not to lose control over you.

Naturally, there may be other cases and other reasons, but, as a rule, it is the desire to control you, the whole situation as a whole, and to be calm for your unoccupied place in your heart that serves as an incentive for the guy not to lose touch with you after the end of the relationship ... This is why breaking up is so important, especially in the first few days or even weeks after breaking up.

Please note, I am not saying anything about the need to ignore an ex-boyfriend or not to respond to his messages and phone calls, about adding him to the “black lists” and removing him from “friends” on social networks, about writing him a devastating letter expressing all your grievances … It is better not to do any of this, since this is not a manifestation of strength, but of weakness. Plus, you may not always be able to do this, because you can work or study together, live in the same house, have mutual friends, and hang out in the same places.

Your job is not to temporarily erase your ex-boyfriend from your life. All that is required of you is to push his leg out of the door slot and put your own there, seize control of the door, and show the guy only what you want to show - a strong girl who can survive a heavy blow of fate and is looking into the future, otherwise what he wants to see - a weak and wretched creature ready to give up everything, in order to devote his whole life to waiting for his return. Let the guy understand nothing and constantly doubt - who you are with, where you are, how you spend your time, what you think about, and maybe you already have someone… This will further inflame his curiosity.

However, if you are not capable of this level of self-control with your ex, think very hard before happily answering his call a couple of days or weeks after breaking up, even if you can think of a million reasons to do so. After all, you will give yourself away and make it clear to the ex-boyfriend that you are still waiting for his return, his place is free, and he can not rush anywhere and not worry about anything. I am against ignoring and playing "in silence", but if you really have to choose between "complete ignore" and "being friends", it is better to choose the former, because remaining friends with your ex will greatly delay his return or even make it impossible.

Only when you are ready to return your ex-boyfriend, when you understand what was the real reason for the breakup and how to build a new relationship, only then can you start all over again and become friends. But this will already be another friendship - before the relationship, and not after it. Hope you understand the difference?

FROM THE AUTHOR: My answers in the comments are the opinion of a private person and not a recommendation from a specialist. I try to answer everyone without exception, but unfortunately I physically do not have time to study long stories, analyze them, ask questions about them and then answer in detail, and I also do not have the opportunity to accompany your situations, because this requires a huge amount of free time, and I have very little of it.

In this regard, I very much ask you to ask specific questions on the topic of the article, do not expect that I will advise in the comments or accompany your situation.

Of course, you can ignore my request (which many do), but in that case, be prepared for the fact that I may not answer you. This is not a question of principle, but exclusively of time and my physical capabilities. Don't be offended.

If you want to receive qualified assistance, please contact for advice, and I will devote my time and knowledge to you with full dedication.

Best regards and hope for your understanding, Frederica