What if you and your wife have nothing in common? What to do if the wife does not give: advice from psychologists

What if my wife is a fool

Difficulty in relationships

What if my wife is a fool

"What if my wife is a fool?" - this question is the most common and rhetorical among men who meet with "genius" and unpredictable female logic. Indeed, any misunderstanding, disagreement, stupid decision or strange behavior of the wife can be described as "she is a fool." And it will be true.

Most men are amazed that when they took their wives in marriage, they were not like that. But over time and age, they changed, and their antics and behavior became annoying and annoying. "How did such a smart and charming girl turn out to be such a fool?" - any man begins to think so after several years of marriage.

What turns a girl into a fool

Laziness and boredom. While a girl lives with her parents or communicates with friends at the institute, she shows some kind of social activity, she has a duty to her parents. She tries to look correct and abides by rules and regulations that, in the end, she doesn't really need. But after you take her in marriage, and she leaves from parental care, her rules begin.

Her communication comes down to conversations with the same "down to earth" women, she practically does not want to understand anything, and, on the one hand, she feels good, but, on the other hand, bored. And here she tries to make up for the lack of her "spiritualized" communication with her husband. She doesn't care that he came home from work, that he has other things to do. She begins to tell him some nonsense, which in her opinion is of the utmost importance.

Circle of friends. If your wife has been communicating only with naive and stupid women for 10 years, then it is difficult to expect any other behavior from her. Stupidity has a habit of spreading, and women willingly accept it. However, this also has its advantages. It is much easier to convince your wife of the need for something when she believes in any fables and mysterious stories. This is a reason, but quite a positive one.

She's too smart. A woman should be beautiful, loving, affectionate and cunning. And when we talk about cunning, we do not mean intelligence. Too high intelligence makes a girl behave defiantly, rudely, straightforward and completely stupid towards a man. If a guy wants to spend his time with smart guys, he will meet with his friends. He needs understanding and affection from a woman. And not reproaches that he does not understand anything, and in general he is a naive fool. Perhaps such women achieve something, but it is impossible to live with them.

She's just a fool. Some girls do not become fools, but they are born. Whatever you do, whatever you want to get from her, she will still behave stubborn, stupid and confused. You can still say a lot about such women, but let's just say: "What a fool to take?"

Girls' biggest problem is fool

A woman can be a fool to her husband at home - this is a common situation that any man faces. It is much worse when a fool shows her disagreement and argues with her husband in public. It hurts men's reputation, hurts men's pride, and most importantly, self-esteem. No man almost ever forgives such behavior to his wife.

Therefore, if your wife behaves like this, then this is an excuse to leave her at home and have fun with friends yourself. No matter how stupid a woman is, she is obliged to support her husband's opinion in public.

What to do with the fool

Talk to your wife about the situation when you are both calm and in a good mood. Start with something like this correct phrase: "I would like to discuss with you a question that upsets me." She doesn't need to say phrases like: "Wife, why are you such a fool?" Explain that you are a little tired of her antics and want a little peace and understanding. Say that you acknowledge and encourage her if she changes her behavior.

If your wife accepts your words, then everything is fine. If not, then you will likely need to spend more time with your friends taking a break from your wife's behavior. Let her understand that you will not tolerate her behavior.

This can cause big problems in marriage, but if you are willing to put in the effort and time, it will give results and make your life more predictable. The main thing is to understand that female behavior has the ability to be influenced. So it is possible that among her friends or relatives there are those who inspire her with this behavior. Become a respected man and she will do whatever you want.

And to be honest, it is difficult to explain why women begin to behave this way, why they begin to restrict a man and make him feel stupid. One thing pleases me, although women are fools, men still love them.

If the question is put this way, then everything in your family is not the way you would like it to be. Let's see what you can do to improve your relationship with your wife and improve your family life.

If you still value your relationship, keep love in your heart, the little cloud of alienation will surely pass. The wife can become cold, taciturn, aggressive, and irreconcilable. This is a manifestation of extreme emotions, indicating that she is far from indifferent to the cooling of your relationship. What to do?

The best way to improve your relationship is to change your attitude towards your wife. If you do not understand what the matter is, then you need to sit down and chat with her.

Ask what is happening, why she has become so not happy, and right there you will listen to all the complaints. Just don't go to higher tones. Listen calmly without interrupting her. Let him speak, and then you will immediately understand what the reason is;

In order not to bring a wife to such a state, it is necessary to show signs of attention more often, to show the sincerity of your feelings. But this alone is not enough;

A wife needs support in difficult moments like air. Not only in words, but also in deeds. Help her more often with household chores, do not be lazy to raise children anymore;

Meet your wife from work more often with a cooked dinner and a cleaned apartment. So you will interest your beloved wife even more, and soon everything will work out;

Do not abuse your freedom. If you and your friends go out for a walk or go to a sports match, then you should come at the time you promised your wife;

If you and your wife are at a party, you shouldn't pay too much attention to other women. Your wife may think that during working hours you are also passionate about others and not your wife.

The psychology of the relationship between husband and wife

What else can you do to improve your relationship with your wife so that the family atmosphere improves and everything becomes the same as before? Try the following methods:

A man should reconsider his behavior lately and if he has something for that, ask his wife for forgiveness.

Start fighting for your family together, give your relationship another chance.

Reconsider your relationship completely. Before it's too late, establish new rules that will help you live together not only long, but also happily.

Appreciate the time spent with each other. Despite everyday problems, work, children, find time to be alone in order to improve relations with your wife. Otherwise, you can give up on your relationship. Use the weekend, the help of parents, so that they sit with their grandchildren, become as close again as in your youth.

Fill your life with joy and leave room for crazy actions. Arrange pleasant surprises for each other. Replace your time at home with going out - going to the cinema, visiting, in a cafe, or just taking a walk in the park. You will have time to talk calmly. And the TV and the iron will not run away from you. You should not exchange your family happiness for them.

Always be together in sorrow and joy. Such moments are very close and help to cope with troubles and unhappiness together. Do not lock yourself alone, share any grief with your wife. Get over it together. If you were in a quarrel, but misfortune happened, forget about pride - help her cope with the misfortune. This will help you improve your relationship with your wife.

End all quarrels and conflicts until the moment you go to bed. Let your bedroom be a place not for conflict, but a place for love and relaxation.

Rest separately sometimes. Have different friends. This will help you stay interesting to each other, and a little separation will only be beneficial.

Remember to touch. Touch each other. Let your life have a place for hugs and kisses every day. This will strengthen the bond between you and no quarrel can break it.

Your employment at work should not interfere with family relationships. You may not be able to spend all evenings together, but take a moment to call your wife. Your short call will once again remind you that you need and care about her.

How to improve a sexual relationship with your wife

Both women and men tend to ignore the fact that emotionally they are very different and look at many things differently. Very often they simply do not know which side to approach their wife in order to improve relations with their wife, to support and reassure her.

For example, if your wife is upset, it would be a big mistake to tell her - why are you so worried about nonsense? After that, no matter what sensible advice you give, the woman no longer perceives them, because she is absolutely sure that you do not take her problem seriously and do not share her feelings. You just speak different languages.

Patience, patience and patience again. Please note that women are very sensitive to the words of their beloved. It is very important for her to understand that you really want to understand her problems and want to share them and help her in a difficult situation.

Only when she feels your sincere interest will she fully open up to you, without fear that you will not be able to understand her and reject her. At the same time, she herself will begin to listen to you more, not trying to criticize your view of things or impose her own will on you.

Yes, perhaps her problems really seem to you not serious and not worth such experiences. This is not surprising, because a man and a woman are responsible in the family for different aspects of the relationship. A woman lives to a greater extent with emotions that are difficult for a man to understand.

That is why her irritability and nervousness can be caused by the fact that she is simply tired and she needs to recover emotionally. Help her in this, take on some of her housework, let her feel your love. Isn't your family's happiness worth it?

The psychology of family relationships

How to improve relations with your wife if she is a businesswoman? Try to explain to her that it is very important when a project, a report, or a huge number of people depend on her decision. This makes her a whole person. But is such a vital rhythm of family relationships worth it? Try to convince your spouse that there are no irreplaceable people. Try not to provoke or annoy her once again. Everything will calm down by itself.

How to improve relationships during menopause? At this time, you may notice a cooling on the part of the woman. Hormonal changes in the body sometimes cause an effect on the psyche. Patience and participation will help both of you deal with this problem.

How to mend a relationship with your wife when the kids are older? When children grow up, and between spouses there is a cooling of relations. To improve your relationship, invite your children to visit more often, take your grandchildren. Or you can get a dog or a cat. Taking care of the little creature will help you socialize and walk more. Show more concern and involvement. Be attentive and often say pleasant words to your spouse. Then nothing can threaten your family happiness.

Question: I have been married for 1 year and two months now. For all the time that we have lived, we often quarreled. The reason was that she constantly deceived me, three weeks after nicknames, I caught her with the fact that she was talking on the phone with some guy for two weeks and at the same time did not say that she was married, and he did not know. The most surprising thing for me is that she did not admit that she really communicated with him and did not even apologize to me. I considered it a moral betrayal. The next day I cooled down and decided to close my eyes to it. After another couple of weeks, we found out that she was in position. Then a terrible thing happened: I learned that, being in a position, she smoked a lot, deceived me that she did not do this and ignored my swearing about smoking, continuing to smoke further.

Nikah was with us in November 2017. She worked until maternity leave for about 7 months, worked two days later, the next day after work, she returned late, and then worked a day after one. At that time, we lived with my parents, half a year after nikah she began to go to her parents after our quarrel for two or three days, she began to impose conditions on me that she didn’t want to live with my parents, you see, it’s uncomfortable to live with them. ... My parents did nothing bad to her, they treated her with respect.

In general, we lived with my parents for 9 months, a child was born, after 40 days the parents still decided to separate us. They lived separately, and sometimes they didn’t happily, her relatives at our house, sometimes her mother, or her little sister, began to frequent. Her father, her mother and sister often interfered in our relationship, also continued to smoke after childbirth, continued to deceive, did not obey, refused to go to my parents at all, and saw her own people almost every day, did not look after me, did not really clean at home ... In general, they lived together for a year after the last quarrel, she called her mother, and she collected her things and took her home. He did not drive her out of the house, she left on her own initiative. I went to her three or four times, trying to keep the family together. She didn’t want to listen to me and didn’t want to go back. She turned her parents against me, said and thought up nasty things about me. What should I do?

Psychologically speaking, the answer is:

Praise be to Allah, the Most Merciful and All-Merciful! May Allah bless and greet the Prophet Muhammad, his family, his family, his companions and his followers. Amen.

Unfortunately, good changes in marital relations are impossible until both want to change something and go towards each other halfway. Marriage is a partnership where everyone takes on their own half of the responsibility and responsibility.

It seems that your wife was not ready for real married life. From a wedding celebration to everyday life, and even in her parents' house, where she had to take into account other people's opinions and other people's habits. Perhaps she was not in the mood for that. Hence her attempts to get positive emotions through virtual communication "on the side", when she corresponded with a stranger on the Internet, and active smoking, relieving stress and distracting from sad thoughts. Then your wife started to disappear at work. This may also be due to her desire to be distracted, to get away from problems. And when nothing helped, and her strength was running out, she just took and left you to her parents. The time that you lived in a rented apartment could somehow positively affect your relationship, but this did not happen. I consider two probable reasons for this: the active intervention of the wife's parents in your relationship, which may indicate the wife's excessive dependence on her relatives and her infantility (emotional immaturity), and the fact that you, as a husband and loved one, could not find an approach to his wife, somehow get closer and solve the problem together. I do not know your relationship, so I cannot advise what exactly and how you should have behaved with your wife during the period when you lived in a rented apartment. But the fact is that she did not see support in you and went to where she found mutual understanding.

Your spouse's behavior is not what you expected of her. And here you converge with her: she is disappointed in you, and you are in her. Your expectations for family life did not match. But in order to change the behavior of a marriage partner, you had to go beyond dry remarks about her, but try to get closer to her. Constant claims against her only exacerbated the situation. She did not see in you someone on whom to rely on, to learn and with whom she could change for the better. Of course, the intervention of her family also took place, but, in particular, as an alternative to the lack of support and understanding that she could receive from you.

Even the writing style itself is indicative and critical of your wife. Hasn't she done anything good for you? Have you tried to understand her? I do not mean that you should have indulged her bad habits, turned a blind eye to the sins she committed against you. Logically, you did everything right, but at the expense of relationships and at the cost of splitting the family. I urge you to educate your wife, and not oppress her with remarks and lead her into a state where she is forced to run away from you to her parents with a small child.

You yourself have probably noticed that your woman’s psychology is still childish, her expectations from marriage (like yours) did not come true, and her behavior in family life is far from calling it appropriate for her acquired status as a wife. But every married woman goes through this: some find it easier, some more difficult, some faster, and some slower. It is impossible to become a full-fledged wife and hostess on the second day after the wedding, just as it is impossible to be an ideal mother on the second day after giving birth. A woman needs to learn everything. And this requires time, diligence and a close person who would support her good endeavors, accept and love her with all her weaknesses and shortcomings and believe that she can become even better, helped to take steps towards good changes in her. If a weak student repeats throughout the entire educational process that he is "clumsy" and only point out his mistakes, then soon he will run away from such a teacher to someone who loves him and sees good in him. This is the normal desire of a healthy person. Therefore, think about whether you were in family life too tough, categorical, offensive, annoying, etc. I don’t know how it really was.

I invite you to look at the solution to the problem with the heart of a loving person, and not just the mind that knows how it should be. After all, the upbringing process is very complicated. And your woman deserves that you find an individual approach to her. This situation is also a test for yourself, so that you become better. Perhaps your heart will soften and you will start thinking with your heart, not just your head.

Remember how often you communicated with your wife, asked about her needs, joked and played with her? Do you know her morale? It is important not just to live with a person, but to be close to him, body and soul. Think about the emotional component of your nikah. If you began to change your spouse from afar, applying the method I described above, then you yourself would begin to change within yourself. Because it is impossible to change your position without changing yourself.

Try to get your wife back to an apartment where you live separately from your parents. Make time for your spouse. In her free time, indulge in the halal entertainment she loves. Take an interest in her needs, emotional state, spiritual growth. Encourage her to do good good. Praise her for the slightest change for the better. Accept her for who she is. Do not demand the impossible from your wife, but what she can change, help her with a good word, a kind gesture and a loving face. Don't rush her. Remember that women are very different from men. It is not enough for a woman to understand how to do it. She should be attuned to the work that she needs to be taught. Do not interfere with the spouse's communication with relatives, but limit her contact with them. They must understand that for the wife, now, you are the guardian and owner of her house. To make this less painful for the wife and her relatives, it is necessary to devote more time to the wife, and to express a good disposition to her relatives, give them gifts, etc. If you manage to establish an emotional connection with your woman, then it will be easier for you to manage her actions, and, accordingly, bring up in line with your expectations (in that it does not contradict Sharia law). insha'Allah.

I hope I didn’t hurt your feelings and became something useful. May Allah make it easier for you!

And praise be to Allah, the Lord of the worlds! Amen.

Elvira Sadrutdinova

A man in his early 40s.
He had a situation - you will not envy. He is married with three small children and his wife left for another.

Their marriage was already many years old, but the first 10 years they did not have children. They went through a lot together, supported each other and hoped that happiness would smile at them and their life would finally be filled with children's laughter.

And everything worked out, three babies appeared with an interval of 2-3 years. It seems, just to be happy, and here it is ...

The husband asked what to do with his wife, to let her go? But the children love her, and he is also not ready to part with them. Do not let go? Will you hold back if love is gone.

He was in complete despair.

And although we discussed a lot, the decision remained with him, and he could not decide on anything. Apparently it took time. At the end of the consultation, I made, as usual, a forecast for the year.

Among the expected events were the following: a pet could die. To this my client did not react in any way, and I thought that perhaps there were no animals in the house. And among other things, there was an indication of an unwanted pregnancy.
At these words, the client soared: “What a pregnancy! What are you talking about, we have not slept together for six months! "

I have already been sufficiently taught by experience that it is not necessary to adjust the forecasts to the existing situation. You have to say what you see without ignoring anything. I replied: "I am just warning, I just see that you are not up to adding a family now, I am just warning."

We broke up. Exactly a year passed, and he called.
I thought that it was necessary to make a forecast for the next year. By the way, he asked about it. And when he came to the consultation, he put his head in his hands and asked: "What should I do with my wife?" At this point I was surprised: “Why, you haven't done anything? And what is she? "
And then he issued: “Not only is the dog dead. So also this unexpected pregnancy ... "

I didn't know how to react. He continued: “The wife is back. But pregnant. It is clear that not from me. What should I do with her now? When there were no children, I remember sitting with the men at work in the smoking room and envy them when they talk about their children. They supported as best they could, and sometimes urged: you, if anything, call, we will help. It was funny. But they will help in such a way, well, I never imagined ... ".

Discussion: 4 comments

"Life is a chain, and little things in it are links, you cannot but attach importance to the link!" The man dismissed the details as insignificant, proceeding from the logic of the development of the situation at that moment, but ... man proposes, but God disposes! Conclusion - you have to be very attentive to any information, not discarding anything in advance, otherwise it will work out, "help" so that you will come to your senses for a long time !!

To answer

Hello! If we consider the situation "what to do for a man", then everything is banal and unfortunately mental anguish cannot be avoided. There are two ways out based on practical experience. The first is to understand and forgive it requires tremendous willpower, common sense, and true love (love is a sacrifice of oneself, both physical and spiritual for the sake of another). The second is that the ships parted as at sea, which requires no less volitional expenditures. Everything else is half-measures with a bunch of wasted nerves and emotions.
There is a golden rule about forecasting for all kinds of predictions and practical actions. When working with a client, in no case should you get closer to him, all the more emotionally. As soon as you have sympathy for him, hatred, etc. there is a bias of the situation with all the ensuing consequences (lack of objectivity in considering possible options for the development of events). We'll have to involve some of the colleagues in the shop for an objective analysis. If you look at the situation from the outside, the first thing that comes to mind is that the wife was tired of the routine and raising children and decided to distract herself. Having received all the necessary unloading, and being burdened by many years of family ties, I returned, but pregnancy is not tricky.

To answer

In my opinion, nothing will help here. There are too many offenses and innuendos. They can never forgive each other. They will never become the family they dream about in their hearts. I would advise them to disperse, and not try to glue the broken cup! It will still flow ...

To answer

The couple's main question was about children, it didn't work out in any way. but what now - well, another child in the family)))) where three - there and the fourth will grow up))), What is the question then ???? in the emotions and ego of a man. Conclusion - leave and thank your wife for returning to her children and even with an increase))))

To answer