Can't keep secrets. I am not a closet or a museum, keeping secrets from friends: practical ways not to blab out ahead of time. Why keeping secrets is important

Reason: increased talkativeness

Women generally like to chat. “This is inherent in us at the genetic level,” says Yulia Maslennikova, trainer on love and human relations. Many centuries ago, while men silently chased after mammoths, their wives, sisters and mothers sat in a cave guarding the fire. In a closed community, the ability to build relationships correctly is the key to successful survival, so the advantages are on the side of the talkative.

And even now, such conversations, without a specific purpose and just for the sake of the soul, have not gone out of fashion. Conversations and gossip help to entertain the interlocutor, demonstrate trust in him, and defuse the situation.

"In a situation like this, extroverts often blur out their secrets," says dance and movement therapist Vladilena Kitaeva. It is vitally important for them to talk a lot, to be in the spotlight, to surprise. Communication for such people is relaxation, and the secret (no matter whose) is just one of the many topics for conversation.

How can you resist?

We'll have to work on developing self-control. Analytical psychologist Elena Kochetkova recommends starting with simple exercises. For example, ignore external stimuli. Is water dripping in the kitchen? Do something that requires your attention, being careful not to be distracted. Does not work? Start slowly counting to a hundred, interrupting the background noise.

Choose not too pleasant, but useful business and inspire yourself with the desire to do it. Not from Monday, but right from the morning. You knew jogging was good. Run every morning, regardless of bad weather or mood. When you learn to focus your energy in the right direction, it will become easier to follow the content of the conversation.

Reason: the secret does not allow to live in peace

Scientists from Tufts University have proven that responsibility for other people's secrets weighs on us not only emotionally, but also physically. For the secret-keeper, even everyday activities, like climbing stairs or walking the dog, begin to seem daunting. The steps are too steep and the park is huge. The more significant the secret, the worse the state of health. It is not surprising that we almost subconsciously try to throw off the burden, sharing it with others.

"Someone else's secret forces you to control yourself all the time so as not to blab out," explains Vladilena Kitaeva. This requires constant endurance. And it's easier to call and tell your friend everything than to live in a state of prolonged stress.

How can you resist?

If you stopped sleeping, started to get nervous for no reason and constantly think about a secret, it’s bad. Psychologists offer several solutions. First, you can jokingly surrender to the confessor: that's it, I can no longer partisan! Maybe you can tell others yourself? If he refuses, try at least to clarify the situation: for how long and with whom exactly you need to remain silent.

In addition, you can choose a reliable and secure recipient. Your own diary or a person unfamiliar with the one who hung a load of secrets on you will do. Telling your cousin from Germany "about one friend who ...", you are unlikely to become a traitor. You can also dose the amount of information given out by telling a loved one only part of the story and at the same time changing the names and circumstances. Or distribute it bit by bit among people who don't communicate with each other. Just remember: the world is closer than it seems (and Germany too).

The most original way is to talk about the secret with ... its author. Feel free to ask what's new there. Just admit beforehand that you cannot afford one more secret.

Reason: personal goals and plans

“Sometimes we share secrets quite consciously, to achieve something,” says Yulia Maslennikova. Isn't it a way, for example, to take revenge on the offender? Let the boss find out about the unpleasant secret of the colleague, and then they will raise you in the service, and not him.

Sometimes we cover up our own shortcomings with someone else's secret - against the background of the Machine of Treason, your flirting on social networks is just nonsense. Sometimes we gossip to get into trust: I have revealed what a terrible secret to you! There is also a positive motivation - for example, the desire to save a loved one from mistakes.

How can you resist?

Envy and unprincipled rivalry often cover up your failure in some areas. And then, first of all, you need to deal with dissatisfaction with yourself. Psychologists also recommend thinking more about the consequences. How will the act affect your business reputation? How good is a person whose affection can be aroused by gossip?

If you want to protect another from trouble, think about whether it is personal interest that drives you? For example, the desire to teach, or to feel smarter.

Reason: bad example

If in your childhood your mother told Aunt Larissa what Aunt Nelya told her under a terrible secret, you yourself will do the same. “The child is woven into the parental system and is configured to repeat a certain behavior in order to be loyal to this system,” says Elena Kochetkova. From the point of view of family therapy, in general, everything has specific reasons. Perhaps there was a case in the family when keeping a secret would cost someone his life. Now in the genotype it is spelled out: other people's secrets are dangerous, it is better to get rid of them. Or you inherited my mother’s temperament.

How can you resist?

Understanding the problem is the first step towards self-control. Perhaps, at one time, your relatives could not have acted differently. But can you? Next time you open your mouth, think about the secret's author. Imagine that he is standing behind your back. How will he react to this? Feel free to wind up the conversation. You can always get off with the phrase "I promised not to let Katya down!" Weigh the possible bonus and the consequences of disclosing the secret. And let your choice be at least conscious.

Pass it on to another

From the movie "In the Mood for Love" by Wong Kar-Wai:

“In ancient times, when a person had a secret that he did not want to share with anyone, he climbed the mountain, found a suitable tree there, made a hollow in it and whispered his secret to the tree. Then he took wet clay and covered up the hollow. And the secret remained a secret forever and ever. "

If it was not possible to find a hollow in the urban jungle, psychologists recommend using sculptures for this purpose. For example, in the Legend sculptural park in the Penza region (finalist of the vote for the Russia 10 project) there is a figure of the Bird-Man (Sirin) by the French artist Letizia de Baseler. Legend has it that anyone who has a strong desire to get rid of a secret or oppressive information should tell her everything by ear. Sirin will keep this forever, and man will be free. Well, if she blabs it, we are not to blame!

"I am not a closet or a museum, to keep secrets from friends," - this is how it is sung in a children's song. But is the willingness to tell about everything "in secret to the whole world" so good? After all, the inability to keep one's own and other people's secrets can have dire consequences. How to learn not to blabber? And why is it so important?

Why keeping secrets is important

If a person is ready to tell you his secret, then this means a high degree of trust. This suggests that you have developed an emotionally close relationship. If you revealed your friend's secret to others, then he will perceive it as disrespect for himself. Trust in you will be lost, and it will be very difficult to restore it.

If the secret is serious enough, then your talkativeness will be regarded as a betrayal. You run the risk of permanently losing communication with a friend. There were many cases when a long-term and strong friendship collapsed due to the inability to keep his mouth shut.

Let me give you an example from life. The young woman suffered severe postpartum depression. She had to undergo treatment in a psychiatric clinic. She confessed her mental health problems to a close friend who was overly talkative. Very soon the chatty girl divulged the secret of her friend to their mutual acquaintances. The long-standing friendship between women fell apart forever.

If you deceived your friend's trust, then he may tell about your inability to keep secrets to others. You will gain a reputation as a chatterbox and gossip. Agree that this is a rather unpleasant reputation.

Why do people reveal other people's secrets

When a person divulges other people's secrets, then he does not always have evil intentions. Overly talkative people tend to keep secrets poorly. It is very difficult for them to keep private information to themselves. You need to think carefully before entrusting your secrets to an overly sociable person.

Sometimes a person blabs it out by accident. He simply cannot control himself in a certain situation. Let me give you an illustrative example from life. One man told an old friend of his about his family problems and difficult relationships with his wife. He asked his friend not to tell anyone about this conversation. Once his friend found himself in the company of mutual acquaintances, where they talked about family relationships. He actively participated in the conversation and, as an example, spoke about the problems of his old friend. So the man's secret became known to many. This seriously damaged the relationship between old friends.

The most difficult situations are when people divulge other people's secrets for evil reasons. For example, a person harbors a grudge against a friend and, as revenge, tells others about his secrets. Psychologists recommend excluding such vindictive people from your social circle and never sharing personal information with them.

How not to accidentally blurt out? And how do you learn to keep your mouth shut? We will provide several ways to help you keep your own and other people's secrets.

How serious someone else's secret is

If a friend told you that he wants to tell you a secret, then in advance ask the importance of the secret. Pay attention to the person's behavior. If he smiles or laughs at the same time, then it is unlikely that he wants to tell you something serious. This does not mean that you have the right to divulge a secret. But you shouldn't carry your friend's little secret like a heavy load.

How long and from whom do you need to hide a secret

You also need to know how long to keep the secret. If the secret is temporary, then it will be much easier for you. If you need to never divulge secret information, then you should find out about it in advance.

You also need to know from whom exactly you need to keep information secret. If you are going to tell someone else's secret to your spouse or parents, then ask the permission of the one who trusted you. You should find out about his agreement or disagreement in advance, even before the moment when the person told you something secret.

Be honest

If you are very talkative, have poor control over yourself and find it difficult to remain silent, then warn your friend about this in advance. Tell the person frankly that you cannot keep his secret for long. He will appreciate your honesty. If the secret is temporary, then invite a friend to tell you the secret information shortly before he reveals it to others.

Some people find it very difficult to keep other people's secrets in themselves. This is a serious stress for them. In this case, it is better to refrain from listening to someone's secrets.

Avoiding the topic

Most often, we let it slip when in the company of friends a conversation comes up on a topic related to a secret. In this case, you just need to avoid participating in such conversations. Even the smallest detail you mention can lead to the disclosure of the whole secret. In such situations, the likelihood is very high that you unwittingly blabber.

If there is a conversation about something related to a secret, try to change the subject. If this is not possible, then you had better leave the company under some pretext. This will help you avoid accidentally divulging a secret.

How to deal with talkativeness

What if you are characterized by increased talkativeness? Very sociable people are more likely than others to betray other people's secrets. The following methods will help you deal with your own talkativeness:

1. Write the secret information on a piece of paper, and then tear or burn it. This psychological technique will allow you to get rid of the burden of someone else's secret.
2. Tell the secret to an inanimate object or pet. It is also useful to tell the secret to your reflection in the mirror. But at the same time, you must be sure that no one hears you.
3. Sometimes secret information puts such pressure on a person that he can't wait to tell others about everything. In this case, active movements will help: gymnastics, dancing or brisk walking. You will throw out your energy and get rid of the psychological burden.
4. Weigh the pros and cons of disclosing the secret. Assess the possible consequences of your talkativeness. You will satisfy your need for conversation, but you may lose trust forever.
5. Try to avoid companies that consume alcohol. Under the influence of alcohol, people lose control of themselves and quite often give out secrets.

Some psychologists advise telling about someone else's secret in an anonymous environment. This can be done, for example, on a forum on the Internet. However, in this case, you must be sure of complete anonymity. There is also a danger that your friend will read the forum and recognize himself in the situation described. He may accuse you of divulging his secret to strangers.

Many people find it difficult to keep secret information. In this case, experts recommend telling someone else's secret to a reliable person who knows how to keep quiet. However, this advice is rather dangerous. After all, you cannot be 100% sure that a person will keep everything secret and will never blabber.

There are times when someone asks you about your friend's secrets. The best answer is that you don't know anything about it. If a person is very intrusive, then you need to directly tell him that you are not ready to talk about this topic or ask him to stop questioning.

Dangerous secrets

It should be remembered that a secret is a secret. Imagine that a person has told you about an offense they have committed or their wrongdoing. What to do in such cases? Should such secrets be kept?

This is the most difficult situation. But remember that if a person has told you that he is harming other people or himself, then you are not obliged to keep such a secret. If we are talking about his participation in criminal activities, then in no case should we be silent about this. Otherwise, you will be legally responsible for the failure to report.

Failure to keep our own secrets can seriously undermine our reputation. Let's take a real life example. The girl, in a fit of frankness, told her friend that in the past she suffered from alcohol addiction, from which she successfully got rid of. She asked her friend to keep it a secret. However, the young man told all his friends about her secret.

This took place in a small town where people know each other well. Rumors spread, and soon the girl's past problems with alcohol became known from her duty station. At work, she increasingly encountered the sidelong glances of her colleagues. As a result, she had to quit.

conclusions

As mentioned, overly talkative people tend to reveal other people's secrets. They tend to gossip and discuss the problems of others. It is very difficult for them to keep secrets and keep them to themselves.

If you belong to this type of people, then tell your friend in advance that you cannot keep his secret. This is much better than losing a long-term friendship and gaining a bad reputation.

It is believed that women are more prone to gossip. However, men are no less likely to give out other people's secrets. Excessive talkativeness and inability to control oneself do not depend on gender.

Respect for other people's secrets is a very important quality. This characterizes you as a reliable and honest person. Remember that gaining the trust of others is not easy, and it is very easy to lose it.

In one forum, a question was asked about what is the biggest secret they keep. People willingly shared their secrets, secrets and skeletons in the closet. Someone else's secret is always attractive and interesting. What are men and women silent about? What secrets do they hide and what secrets do they worry about?

“We all have something to hide. Something we don't want to show to others. And we pretend it's okay, hiding behind the rainbow. And maybe it's for the best. Some nooks and crannies of the soul are better for no one to see. " Dexter

On a popular forum, a question was asked about the secrets and secrets they hide now. Many people have responded anonymously or from temporary profiles that they have specifically registered to respond. It was very interesting to read.

One people answered, "Nice try mom." Others saw the hand of the special services or the police behind it. Still others preferred to keep the secret to themselves. But some people have shared their secrets and skeletons.

Many people have had troubles or happy moments that formed the basis of a secret or secret. Reading these secrets, you will understand how boring your personal everyday life can be. But it can be good when the stars are in favor and everything is predictable and good with you.

100 secrets and secrets of people

1. I have been friends with a wonderful girl for a long time and secretly love her. But I will never tell her about it. Not in this life.

2. My family does not know that I left work and now I am trying to work for myself.

3. I am a virgin at 27 years old, although pretty and with a figure everything is fine.

4. Spent a lot of money on gambling, but my family doesn't know about it.

5. I just quit my job and went traveling. All my friends and family think that I'm just a moron with a midlife crisis. But this is my last trip. I have a brain tumor and I am incurable.

6. At work, I often surf the Internet and half of the time I just do not work.

7. For the last year I have been deeply depressed and do not know what to do. I have a family, a job and children, but I am very unhappy. Although everyone thinks differently.

8. I always have a chocolate bar in my bag, I never share and I always eat myself.

9. When I was young, I slept with men for money and traveled with them a lot. But then I found myself a boyfriend and now I hide about it.

10. I have a tattoo in an intimate place, but no one has seen it yet.

11. I want to quit my job, my relationship soon and move to another city. I have already started saving money.

12. One of my acquaintances starred in homemade porn, but she doesn't know what I know and even watched it.

13. All the time I want to kiss my beautiful colleague at work, but she is already married.

14. Show boobs to strangers when drunk.

15. I often think about suicide, although I have never tried it.

16. I ruined my five-year relationship with the best boyfriend ever. Everyone thought it was due to our differences, but it is not. At the end of the relationship, I got carried away by another guy, but he didn't give a damn. We broke up, but it torments me every day.

17. I was full all my life, but began to secretly go in for sports. I want to amaze everyone by changing my body to a sporty one.

18. I know that my friend sleeps with one man who has a family and children.

19. I like young men, although I myself am 44 years old. I'm divorced, but my kids don't know that I prefer younger guys.

20. I want to propose to my girlfriend and wait for the right moment.

21. I constantly watch porn and masturbate, although I have a girlfriend and have sex with her.

22. My parents work in the church and believe in God. And I have lost faith in him and am afraid to confess to my parents.

23. I hate my wife. Everything I do, I do it wrong in her eyes. I want to leave, but I haven't decided yet.

24. I am in love with a girl who is in love with another guy who is hopelessly in love with another. It is an endless circle of sadness, not love.

25. A guy cheated on me, but I still don't know whether to part or not. I cheated on him with another guy and I feel revenge. We continue to meet for now.

26. I was raped when I was young, but I didn't tell anyone about it.

27. I have not loved my wife for many years.

28. I'm 28 years old and I'm still a virgin. I've never asked a girl out on a date and I'm afraid to do it. I’ll probably be lonely all my life.

29. I am in love with my friend, but we will never be together. I value our friendship and care about him.

30. I am a girl and I have a best friend. I had sex with my girlfriend's boyfriend when they were in a fight. But now they have made up, and I hide about our sex.

31. I don’t want a family and children. This will limit my freedom, which I do not want. Although I have a girlfriend.

32. I am often bullied at school, but I started going to Jiu-Jitsu.

33. I like girls, although I am a girl myself. I am secretly dating a lesbian even though I have a boyfriend. I have sex with both sexes and this is my secret.

34. My boyfriend cheated on me, but I do not pretend that I know. I was already so worn out looking for new guys, in every sense, that I just scored on this betrayal.

35. I tell everyone that everything is fine with me. But for the past three years I have been crying at night.

36. I really want to leave my husband, but have not yet decided, because he provides me.

37. My parents do not know that I am married and have a child.

38. Danced striptease at a party when she got drunk.

39. I love my girlfriend, but I constantly think about how to date different girls. I would like to meet on the street and again experience all these emotions of love and sex.

40. I had an abortion in my youth, but no one knows about it.

41. I still love my ex, although I am already married to another.

42. I want to try anal sex with a girl, but I'm afraid to suggest it to her.

43. I do not pay taxes on all the money I receive from other companies. I have to hide it from the tax authorities.

44. I am sick with an incurable disease about which Zemfira sings. Six months later, I quit and leave for India for good.

46. ​​I hate my job and secretly look for a new one that is radically different.

47. In my youth I was a drug addict, but I overcame addiction. I still find it difficult to restrain myself.

48. I have a second family on the side where there is a child. I don't know how to get out of this all and I'm tired of constant deceptions.

49. I learned that I was pregnant. My boyfriend doesn't know about it yet. But he will soon find out.

50. I once slept with two guys at the same time. In general, I was not very strict principles and had a break as I could.

51. I ride a motorcycle even though my parents don't know. They are very worried about my past bike falls.

52. Marry a guy who cheated on me several times. I'm too weak to get away from him. And my family has already prepared the wedding.

53. I sleep with my housemate, but she asks not to tell anyone about it. She has a boyfriend and I have a girlfriend.

54. Once I stole a T-shirt from a clothing store. It was when I was young.

55. I have a real pistol, which I inherited from my grandfather, who fought with the Germans. Only our family knows about this.

56. Everyone thinks I am a hard worker and a workaholic. But in reality, I just play a lot on the computer.

57. I decided to leave this life in 2043, when I will be 60 years old. I still have enough time to make my other dreams come true.

58. I work as a teacher. I have sex with my female students who easily fall in love with me. I don't think I'll ever get married.

59. For a whole week I pretended to be sick at work. I just wanted to go to the festival for a whole week. I managed.

60. I hide from my parents that I have been smoking for many years.

62. I am a nice girl, but I am fond of BDSM and all sorts of perversions. But I'm afraid to tell my boyfriend about it.

63. I am on the verge of a psychological breakdown. Business brings less money and soon I will be bankrupt. And the family thinks everything is fine.

64. I am secretly in love with my friend's girlfriend, but I am the third one.

65. When I have sex with a girl, I close my eyes and imagine her other girls together.

66. I said that I no longer love the guy and will look for someone else. But in fact, I don't want to meet anyone anymore.

67. I am barren, but my parents expect grandchildren from me.

68. Slept with my boss's mistress, but keep it a secret.

69. I have always envied girls who have toys from a sex shop. I recently bought myself a dildo.

70. I have a girlfriend with whom we have been together for five years. But through the Internet, I met another girl who lives in a neighboring country. She is very beautiful and interesting. I don't know what to do next.

71. Had a threesome with another couple who offered me money for it. And I ate the fish and earned money.

72. Once I found a wallet, but did not give it to the police. I spent the money on myself.

73. I am not satisfied with the existing job and relationship with a guy. I want to drop everything and start all over again. I have already begun to prepare for this step.

74. I am pregnant with my ex and am planning to have an abortion.

75. I have an imaginary friend with whom I have conversations and talk regularly.

76. Slept with her boss to get a promotion. Received.

77. He stole money from his parents.

78. My wife and I are active swingers, although outwardly a normal couple. But on the other side of life, we live in sin.

79. I drink seriously and hide it from people.

80. One of my employees watches TV shows half the time at work. But I won't fire her. It works too well and the company needs it.

81. I want to try sex when the girl is with a strapon.

82. I have very little money and I am broke, although my friends do not know about it.

83. I am a former alcoholic and am struggling with it. It is very difficult for me not to drink when there are so many temptations around.

84. I know that one of my parents is cheating on the other. I do not know what to do.

85. Once got drunk and slept with a client of the company. We have been lovers for many years, although we both have a family.

87. I hide my age from the guy, because he is younger than me. This is my secret that can be easily revealed.

88. She left for the capital in her youth. I have been working as an escort for a long time, but my parents do not know about it. I want to get out of all this, but I still can't.

89. Put nails under the wheels of his neighbor, whom he hated.

90. My girlfriend has gotten fat in recent years. She doesn't want to tidy herself up, and I think to leave her. I myself am fond of sports and go to the gym.

91. I used to think that I want to be a programmer. But now I realized that I want to be a rapper and dream of dedicating my life to this. Nobody knows about this.

92. I am a nudist to the core. Several times a year I fly to the sea and visit nudist beaches.

93. Everyone thinks I'm a good and naive girl. But I'm dying to get myself a boyfriend and have sex with him.

94. I play poker to earn extra income, but I hide it.

95. I was sending my nude photos to the guys I was dating at that moment. Now all of my exes have good collections of my naked photos.

96. I have been in business for 10 years. I try to be nice to people, but I've become a terrible cynic. I have absolutely no faith and love for people.

97. I didn’t tell my parents that I left the university and was already working.

98. I was cleaning my boyfriend's apartment and found a receipt for the ring. I'm waiting for him to propose. I'm happy.

99. Everyone tries their best at work, are in relationships, start families, buy apartments, but I’m not interested in all this. I want to travel all my life, fall in love and write books.

100. I'm going to quit my job and buy a dream home by the sea in the coming years.

What are you hiding?

Can you keep secrets? To tell everyone a little secret of a friend, or to mysteriously inform the girls about your upcoming trip to Paris - all this is so feminine! Most of the girl's secrets are completely innocent, and from the outside, our desire to gossip about each other's secrets is just a favorite pastime. But the more mature we become, and the more intimate the secrets entrusted to us, the more difficult the consequences of our desires to "blab" are. But what can I say, about your plans and secrets, too, should be kept quiet from time to time. Why?

Why keep secrets?

Surely everyone girl at least once, but I had to suffer because of my intemperance about other people's secrets. A friend shared with us, warned that "this is only between us", and you are irresistibly drawn to tell someone about your awareness, or simply to discuss the "event". The consequences of such incontinence may not be the most pleasant. Well, the most innocuous consequence is that you will simply be considered an untrustworthy gossip.

Moreover, the first to cross you out from the list of trusted persons that friend with whom you decided to discuss a stranger. And do not be offended later, they say, I share with her, and she is so with me! The natural reaction of a person to protect their secrets is not to reveal them to someone who so easily shares other people's secrets with you. So, minus the reputation of a reliable person, and minus the trust of friends. What else? The person who has entrusted you with his secret will sooner or later find out about your talkativeness. In the best case, your conscience will torment you, and in the worst case, they will simply take revenge on you by telling your secret to "the whole world." Is it worth keeping secrets or not? Maybe yes. And how to train yourself to restrain your emotions if you really want to tell ?!

How to keep other people's secrets

As a rule, a person does not ponders over why he gives out other people's secrets. In most cases, we are driven by the desire to demonstrate our own importance: "But I know something! And only I know!" Have you come across such people in your life who made such hints, and thereby made you feel a little humiliated by ignorance of something?

The desire to emphasize your importance and assert oneself at the expense of someone else's secret - a direct way to reveal the secret. Therefore, when you want to feel your own importance from knowing something that others do not know about, try to imagine that you are in fact a very important person with unique information, and if you blabber, you will lose your power. Usually a sense of self-worth is satisfied with such a little "self-deception", and you start to keep a secret for self-affirmation, and not vice versa.

If you prone to remorse, then the best way for you not to betray a stranger is to imagine that tomorrow the owner of the information will find out about it, all this will happen in your presence, and it will be terribly ashamed. Do you like this option? But sometimes such unpleasant coincidences do happen. Save yourself the shame by getting ahead of time.

Well, if you really want to to discuss the information received, have a chat…. with yourself! You can cook dinner, and conduct a mental (or even sound) dialogue with an imaginary interlocutor. Or, for example, tell your cat about it, who faithfully waits for the sausage under the table. As for people who, in theory, will never meet the person whose secret you are revealing, this is a risky undertaking. The likelihood that they will meet, of course, is small, but still exists. Imagine you are telling your mother the story of an employee's unhappy love for her boss. Not connected, it seems, people. But in a year or two this employee will be invited to your wedding, and when she meets your mother, she will unexpectedly give out: "Yes, I remember your exciting love story, darling! And how did it end?" Everything would be fine, but the same boss will be standing next to you ... Always think about the consequences of your talkativeness.

And if you are provoked to disclose information? This also happens. It is best to honestly tell the curious that you are not authorized to distribute this information. Let them turn to the original source.

Do I need to keep my secrets?

Sometimes very difficult save something in secret, "interrogators" are hovering around with questions. It is best, of course, to delicately translate the topic, or to laugh it off: "Where will I go on vacation? To Siberia, to cut trees! I will lose a couple of kilograms at the same time!" Sometimes a little secret can be covered up with a lie. But this is risky. In a year you will forget the false information, and the person will remember. How will you get out then?

The best way to save secret- is not to know him at all. But we live in an ordinary world and communicate with living people. You can't always refuse to listen to a secret. You will never be able to live without secrets yourself. So should they be kept or not? You decide.

We call everything hidden from prying eyes a mystery. And possession of a secret is oppressive to the soul and leads to alienation from other people. Is it possible to overcome your talkativeness and carelessness and keep the personal secrets of others?

The Swiss psychologist, psychotherapist and philosopher Carl Gustav Jung argued that the more destructive a personal secret is, the more necessary it is to share it with others. Jung believed that a person perceives his own secret as sin and guilt, even if moral laws do not recognize it as such. Therefore, people are happy to find in their environment someone who can be trusted with secret secrets, to ask advice on how to act in a particular difficult situation. And how painful and offensive it can be when we understand that our secret has become the property of strangers and, possibly, negatively minded people.

Here are 7 practical tips for learning how to keep another person's private secrets.

1. Remember the consequences.

Before you open your mouth, think that your voluntary or involuntary talkativeness is forever with the person who confided in you. And, much worse, it will even harm him (possibly indirectly). Is it worth paying such a high price for the minute pleasure that you get by blurting out someone else's secret?

2. Clarify how big the secret is.

There are things that "beyond the statute of limitations" lose their relevance, and the secret will no longer have any value over time. It turns out that you will not reveal any secrets if a certain period of time has passed. There are also personal secrets that cannot be told to anyone at all, or secrets from someone in particular (mothers, for example). In this case, nothing bad will happen if you share information with someone “safe”.

3. Remember, if you could not resist and said "A", then for this you will have to say "B".

In a figurative sense, of course. You just don’t need to intrigue and "fog up" the conversation. Many have such a weakness: "You can't imagine what I know ...", "You won't believe it, but it turns out ...". After such phrases, it will no longer be possible to close your mouth with a lock.

4. Be persistent.

There are always such curious individuals in the environment who know how to fish out information in any way. Do not seek to honestly answer leading and other questions. Moreover, if they do not concern you personally. Try to get away from topics when absent persons are discussed. This will help to keep personal secrets and avoid many troubles.