How to pray for a child born out of wedlock. How is the fate of children formed in the aura of “civil” marriage? Children are always children

Children born outside of a marriage officially registered in the registry office are doomed to many trials and illnesses allowed by God as punishment for their parents for the sin of fornication or adultery (adultery). Almost always. But much more awaits the trials and illnesses of their parents. Sooner or later. It is only possible to change the “anger” of God for mercy by confessing all violations of the commandment “Do not commit adultery” of every living parent. And their subsequent participation in the sacrament of the Sacrament. And then the Communion of each child is obligatory. But only the beginning of full-fledged obedience to God of parents who have fallen into fornication will finally save not only members of the current family, but also their descendants from repeating violations of this and many other commandments. And the family will receive God's blessing for the continuation of her family. In mental and more or less bodily health. Health depends entirely on the will of God. And it will always be His gift. And most quickly it will be found in regular Communion. Much more frequent than once a month.

Obedience to God consists in the beginning of the participation of each family member in Confession and Communion, starting with those who have fallen into the passion of fornication, from several times a year to a much more regular one. And the participation of their children in the sacrament of the Sacrament is obligatory in order to protect them from the passions-demons living in the souls of the parents and so keep the souls of the children much more pure, the same childish and close to God. From passion-demons living in parents, their own children suffer the most. And many of them are transmitted to them as a contagious disease if children do not participate in the sacrament of the Sacrament. In addition, parents are required to start fasting and praying, gradually learning how to pray daily and observe all the fasts of Orthodoxy. And in this way we must give our debt to God. For people who have not been baptized in Orthodoxy, the best way out is to accept Orthodox Baptism and start learning to obey God in the same way, participate in the sacraments, observe fasts and pray daily.

But if adults or adolescents who have fallen into fornication begin to look for the mistakes of their parents and succumb to someone else's blame for their sins, they will be taught by God to forget about it. And He will convince them to look at themselves and, first of all, look for demonic grievances against their parents and other elders and sins in relation to them, repent of this and correct themselves. And to resort to Confession and the Sacrament, and not to expect that the forgiveness of sin or repentance only in the soul will lead to deliverance from trials and not a repetition of sins. For presumption and non-repentance in Confession and without communion, God often allows the repetition of the same sins. Including fornication.

IMPORTANT.
You need to know that the responsibility for each family member lies primarily with the husband. And then on the wife. Therefore, until the husband who has fallen into fornication goes to Confession and Communion, the whole family will suffer from the passions-demons living in his soul and body. And it’s the same for the wife. Temporary hobbies with someone else during marriage, even which did not lead to an intimate relationship - this is the same violation of the commandment "Do not commit adultery." And the subsequent punishment is the teaching of God. The ways of correction are the same. If a husband or wife stubbornly refuses to go to Confession, then they cannot be reconciled. Those close to you who have understood that it is necessary to obey God should themselves begin to regularly confess and receive communion, fast and pray. For obedience to Himself, God will correct those close to him. With time. In this case, their children, grandmothers, grandfathers, aunts, uncles and other close or even distant relatives can take upon themselves the most important responsibility for the family before God. Such a feat and sacrifice for God He will accept and help those for whom this person is compassionate. And he wants to correct his relatives who have fallen or are falling into fornication. And the greatest sacrifice in such a family is to give oneself completely to the service of God - to take monasticism. And become a prayer book for your family.

A marriage entered into after an intimate relationship before him does not absolve one from the sin of fornication. And from the passions living in these people. And everything described above fully concerns the husband and wife, their children and descendants.

It is also important to know that people who have unrepentant prodigal sins in Confession are aware of such a need, but do not go to Confession and Communion, and bring on themselves much greater trials from God.

“But the servant who knew the will of his master, and was not ready, and did not do according to his will, there will be many beats” - the Gospel.

The term "civil marriage" has come to be called the now fashionable cohabitation of a man and a woman without registration. This name itself contains a big lie. But we'll talk about this a little later, but for now I will allow myself to use this common expression for convenience, of course, taking it in quotes beforehand.

This form of coexistence is very widespread. New-fashioned psychologists recommend living in a "trial marriage", movie stars and other public people do not hesitate to tell on the pages of magazines about their free, "without a stamp" relationship. Why are people so attracted to life in such a "marriage"? The answer is very simple. All the attributes of a real marriage are there, but there is no responsibility. “Civil marriage” is sometimes called “trial”: young people want to test their feelings and live like a husband and wife “for fun”, and then register. However, sometimes there is no question of registration at all. People living in a "civil marriage" often come to church, either for confession or for a conversation with a priest. Many of them feel great discomfort from their dubious condition, they want to know: why the Church condemns "civil marriages" and want an answer from the priest: what should they do next, how to live?

The fact that cohabitation without marriage registration is a completely false, meaningless state, the path to nowhere is affirmed not only by the Church. “Civil marriage” is deceitful from three points of view, from three positions:

1) SPIRITUAL; 2) LEGAL and 3) PSYCHOLOGICAL.

I will start with a story about the legal and psychological problems of "civil marriage" in order to prepare the ground a little and then move on to the most important, spiritual untruth of such a union, because my article is mainly addressed to people who are still outside the church fence.

Marriage or Cohabitation?

"Civil marriage" is completely outside the legal field. In legal language, such a union is called cohabitation. Therefore, "civil marriage" is a completely false expression. A real civil marriage can only be called a marriage registered in the registry office. This institution exists in order to record the state of the citizens of the state: they were born, have a family, or have already died. Cohabitation is not subject to any laws on family and marriage, that is: on the rights and obligations of spouses, joint property and rights, not inheritance. Civil courts are inundated with cases of renunciation of paternity of former "common-law husbands" who do not want to pay child support. Proving that they really are the fathers of their children is very problematic and costly.

Fans of "free relationships" sometimes say: why all these murals, stamps and other formalities, because there was a time when there was no marriage at all. This is not true, marriage has always been in the human community. Promiscuity (promiscuous intercourse allegedly existed among some archaic tribes) is nothing more than a historical myth, all serious researchers know this.

The forms of establishing a marriage union were different. In the Roman Empire, newlyweds signed, in the presence of witnesses, a marriage document regulating the rights and obligations of the spouses. The first Christians, before receiving the blessing of the Church for their marital union, had to get engaged, exchange rings, and formalize their marriage in accordance with the law. The betrothal was a state act. Other peoples (for example, the ancient Jews) also had marriage documents or the marriage was concluded in the presence of witnesses, which in ancient times was sometimes stronger than papers. But, one way or another, the spouses did not just agree that they would live together, but testified of their decision before God, before the whole society and before each other. And now, registering a marriage, we take the state as a witness, it declares us husband and wife, that is, the closest relatives, and undertakes to protect the rights and obligations of spouses. Unfortunately, now, due to the fact that our state is secular, the registration of marriage is separated from the sacrament of the wedding, and before the wedding, the spouses must sign at the registry office. It is interesting that now in France, for a wedding before registering a marriage at the city hall, criminal liability is imposed.

In the Russian Empire, before the revolution, it was possible to marry only by getting married or performing another religious rite, according to the confession of the spouses. People of different faiths were not married. The wedding was also legally binding. The church then kept records of acts of civil status, which are now recorded in the registry office. When a person was born, he was baptized and recorded in the register of births, when he got married, they issued a wedding certificate.

Children born out of wedlock were considered illegitimate. They could not bear the surname of their father, inherit the estate privileges and property of their parents. It was simply impossible by law to sign without a wedding and get married without a list.

State registration of marriage is not at all an empty formality; if you love a person, you are responsible for him.

For example, it is not enough just to give birth to a child, you need to take full responsibility for it. When a woman gives birth to a child, she then goes to the registry office and receives a birth certificate, she is entered into this document, she registers the child with her, puts him on record at the clinic. If she refuses to do so, she is deprived of parental rights - children must be protected. You can’t be “test parents”, “test spouses”, if you love, it’s not a problem to sign, if there’s a problem, then you don’t really love.

A bit of statistics and psychology

Supporters of "civil marriage" usually justify their condition as follows: in order to get to know each other better and avoid many mistakes and problems already in marriage, you need to converge gradually. First, live together, and then sign. This does not work at all, it has been proven by practice. Statistics show that families where spouses had experience of cohabitation before marriage break up 2 times (!) More often than marriages where spouses did not have such experience.

By the way, such figures are not only in our country. In the United States in Pittsburgh, specialists from Penn State University have studied the family life of about one and a half thousand American couples. It turned out that couples who lived together before marriage were twice as likely to get divorced. And family life in these families is accompanied by b O more quarrels and conflicts. Moreover, for the purity and accuracy of the study, data from different years were taken: the 60s, 80s and 90s of the XX century.

The results of studies conducted in the universities of Canada, Sweden, New Zealand also prove that premarital cohabitation does not serve to strengthen the family. It means something is wrong; people "try", "try", and the number of divorces and family problems is growing, they want to get to know each other better, but they cannot stay married.

In our country, 2/3 of marriages break up. But when "civil marriages" were a very rare occurrence, there were no such monstrous divorce statistics.

The fact is that in a trial marriage, partners do not recognize each other, and they confuse everything even more. It is not for nothing that fornication has one root with the words: wander, err. Prodigal cohabitation misleads people.

The premarital period is given so that the bride and groom go through the school of relationships, without any admixture of passion, a riot of hormones and permissiveness. All this very much interferes with an objective assessment of a person, to see in him not a sexual object, but a person, a friend, a future spouse. The brain, the senses are clouded by the intoxication of passion. And when people start a family after a "trial marriage", very often they understand: everything that connected them was not love, but a strong sexual attraction, which, as you know, passes very quickly. So it turns out that completely strangers turned out to be in the same family. The groom and the bride are given a period of courtship precisely so that they learn abstinence, to better see each other not as sexual partners, not sharing a common life, living space and bed, but from a completely different, clean, friendly, human, if you want a romantic side.

In addition to the fact that "civil marriage" is a false and deceptive phenomenon, and is only an illusion of the family, but it also does not allow partners to build their relationships, people can live together for years, but never create anything real. Only a small percentage of “civil marriages” end with registration.

Once a girl came to confession to me and admitted that she was living with a guy without a stamp. And she began to talk about free, informal relationships. I told her, "You're just not sure if you love him." She thought and replied: "Yes, you are right, I do not fully know if I can live my life with him." I have had many such cases; when it came to frankness, people usually, hiding their eyes, admitted that the obstacle to entering into a legal marriage for them is not the lack of their own housing or money for the wedding, but the lack of confidence in the partner and in their own feelings for him.

But if you are not sure of your feelings, just be friends, communicate, but do not call it marriage, do not demand everything at once. The most important thing in this "marriage" is not - love and trust in each other.

If you love, then one hundred percent. You cannot love half, especially your spouse or spouse. This is no longer love, but distrust, lack of confidence in love, it is she who lies at the heart of "civil marriage".

"Civil marriage" is sometimes called barren. Firstly, because the roommates, as a rule, are afraid to have children, they cannot figure out in any way in their relationship why they still need extra problems, troubles and responsibility. Secondly, “civil marriage” cannot give birth to anything new; it is spiritually and even mentally sterile. When people create a legal family, they take responsibility. By getting married, a person decides to live with his spouse all his life, go through all the trials together, share in half both joy and sorrow. He no longer feels separate from his half, and spouses, willy-nilly, must come to unity, learn to bear each other's burdens, build their relationships, interact and, most importantly, learn to love each other. As a person has parents, brothers, sisters, he wants to - if you don’t want to, he must learn to get along, find a common language, otherwise life in the family will become unbearable

The well-known psychologist AV Kurpatov once called "civil marriage" a ticket with an open date. “Partners always know that they have a ticket, so if something goes wrong, at any moment - give up, and be healthy, happy to stay. With this approach, there is no motive to invest in a relationship in full - after all, it's like renovating a rented apartment. "

Another Russian psychotherapist, Nikolai Naritsyn, agrees with him in his assessment of “civil marriage”: “Cohabitation is in no way a marriage, or a family, and even less a marriage - and not so much according to the law, but in essence! So, in such a "union", at least, it is naive to hope that your roommate, making some decisions (especially if they affect your mutually exclusive interests), will take into account your needs. And it is just as naive to make claims that this person behaved this way and not otherwise - in most cases, alas, he does not owe you anything, and is free to act as he (she) wants! "

That is why so few “civil marriages” end with registration. People initially do not perceive their union as something significant, serious and permanent, their relationship is shallow, freedom and independence are more dear to them, even years spent together do not add confidence to them, and their union - strength.

Family Orthodox psychologist I.A. Rakhimova, in order to show people who are in a “civil marriage”, the falsity and meaninglessness of their condition, offers such couples a test: in order to believe your feelings, for a while (say for two months) stop bodily relationships. And if they agree to this, then there are usually two options: either they part, - if they were tied only by passion; or get married - which also happens. Abstinence, patience allows you to look at each other in a new way, to love without an admixture of passion.

I usually give similar advice too. I explain why cohabitation without marriage is a sin, and what consequences it has, and I suggest: if you have no serious intentions to get married, it is better to leave, such a state will not lead to anything good. If young people want to legalize their relationship, I advise them to stop intimate communication before marriage. After all, not everything is limited to this, you can make friends, communicate, show your tenderness and affection in some other way. Then you will really get to know each other better.

Can happiness be built on sin?

And now about the most important problem of "civil marriage" - the spiritual one.

All bodily relationships between a man and a woman outside of legal marriage are fornication. Accordingly, those living in a "civil marriage" are in a state of permanent fornication. Fornication or fornication is one of the eight human passions, and fornication is also a mortal sin, that is, a sin leading to the death of the soul.

Why is it so strict? What harm can this sin do to people? I think that every priest periodically has to answer one question (usually asked by young people): “Why is bodily, carnal relations between a man and a woman outside of marriage considered a sin, because all this is done by mutual consent, no one is harmed, harmed, here is adultery - another thing is betrayal, the destruction of the family, but here, what's wrong? "

First, let's remember what sin is. “Sin is lawlessness” (1 John 3: 4). That is, violation of the laws of spiritual life. And violation of both physical and spiritual laws always leads to trouble, to self-destruction. Nothing good can be built on sin, on error. If a serious engineering miscalculation was made during the founding of the house, the house will not stand for a long time. Such a house was built somehow in our summer cottage village. Stood, stood, and a year later fell apart.

The Holy Scriptures classify fornication as one of the most serious sins: “Do not be deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor malaki (that is, those engaged in masturbation (priest Paul), nor sodomy ... the Kingdom of God will not inherit” (1 Cor. 6, 9) They will not inherit unless they repent and cease to fornicate Why does the Church look at the sin of fornication with such severity, and what is the danger of this sin?

It must be said that carnal, intimate communication between a man and a woman was never forbidden by the Church, on the contrary, it was blessed, but only in one case. If it was a marriage. And by the way, not necessarily married, but simply a prisoner under civil law. The Apostle Paul writes about marital bodily relations: “Husband show his wife due favor; like a wife also to a husband. The wife has no power over her body, but the husband; likewise, the husband has no power over his own body, but the wife. Do not deviate from each other, perhaps by agreement, for a while, for exercise in fasting and prayer, and then again be together, so that Satan does not tempt you with your intemperance ”(1 Cor. 7; 3-5).

The Lord blessed the marriage union, blessed the fleshly intercourse in it, which serves procreation. Husband and wife are no longer two, but "one flesh" (Gen. 2; 24). The presence of marriage is another (albeit not the most important) difference between us and animals. Animals have no marriage. The female can copulate with any male, even with her own children when they grow up. People, on the other hand, have a marriage, mutual responsibility, obligations to each other and to children. It must be said that bodily relationships are a very strong experience, and they serve even more affection for the spouses. “Your attraction to your husband” (Genesis 3; 16) is said about the wife, and this mutual attraction of the spouses also helps to consolidate their union.

But what is blessed in marriage is a sin, a violation of the commandment, if it is done outside of marriage. Marital union unites a man and a woman into "one flesh" (Eph. 5; 31) for mutual love, the birth and education of children. But the Bible also tells us that in fornication people are also united into "one flesh", but only in sin and lawlessness. For sinful enjoyment and irresponsibility. They become accomplices in a moral crime.

Each lawless carnal relationship inflicts a deep wound on the soul and body of a person, and when he wants to marry, it will be very difficult for him to carry this burden and the memory of past sins. Fornication unites people, but in order to desecrate their bodies and souls.

Love between a man and a woman is possible only in marriage, where people make vows of loyalty and mutual responsibility to each other before God and all people. Neither extramarital affairs, nor cohabitation with one partner in a "civil marriage" gives a person real happiness. Because marriage is not only physical intimacy, but also spiritual unity, love and trust in a loved one. No matter how beautiful words the lovers of "civil marriage" hide behind - their relationship is based on one thing - mutual distrust, lack of confidence in their feelings, fear of losing "freedom". The fornication people rob themselves, instead of going the open, blessed way, they try to steal happiness from the back door.

It is no coincidence that marriages in which there was a period of cohabitation before marriage break up much more often than those where the spouses did not have such an experience. Sin cannot lie in the foundation of a family building. After all, bodily communication of spouses is given to them as a reward for their patience and purity. Young people who do not keep themselves until marriage are loose, weak-willed people. If they did not deny themselves anything before marriage, then they will just as easily and freely go “to the left” already in marriage.

Sin is a spiritual illness; it wounds a person's soul. Sins are the cause of many of our misfortunes, sorrows and even bodily diseases. By sinning, a person violates the laws of spiritual life, which exist objectively, like the laws of physics, and will certainly pay for their mistakes. In this case, allowing fornication before marriage, people will pay with sorrow and problems in family life. “What a man sows, that he will also reap” (Gal. 6; 7), - says the Holy Scripture. It is not without reason that now, when for many, pre-marriage relationships have become the norm, we have so many divorces. In Russia, the overwhelming majority of marriages break up, and 40% of children are brought up outside the family. Sin is incapable of creating, it only destroys. When a grave sin lies in the foundation of the building of a future family life, nothing good can be expected, which is why modern marriages are so fragile.

Is there a way out?

What should people do who have not kept themselves in purity and chastity due to isolation from faith and traditions? The Lord heals our wounds, if only a person sincerely repents, confesses his sins and corrects himself. The Christian is given a chance to change himself and his life, although it is not at all easy.

Having embarked on the path of correction, one cannot look back, into the past, then the Lord will certainly help everyone who sincerely turns to Him.

And further; if your chosen one or chosen one has a negative premarital experience, in no case should you be interested in a person's sinful past and reproach him for it.

God wants us to be happy, but you will not find happiness on the way. The fruits of general sexual laxity and a frivolous attitude towards marriage are already clearly visible: young people do not want to start families and have children, in addition, 5 million abortions are performed a year. And the country's population, meanwhile, is rapidly declining. If we do not stop and do not think, but continue to "live like everyone else," then in thirty years Russia simply will not exist, there will be some completely different country, with a Muslim population, most likely. After all, Muslims with family values ​​and fertility are all right.

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The story of one family without sex before the wedding ( Ilya Lyubimov and Ekaterina Vilkova)

Baptism is the beginning of the spiritual path, the entrance to the community of believers. This rite signifies a willingness to follow Christ and follow the teachings of the gospel. Church of all children, whose parents agreed to the sacrament and turned to the temple.

Why might a cleric refuse to baptize a child born out of wedlock?

In some churches, priests refuse to baptize children born out of wedlock. They explain this by saying that being born out of wedlock is a sin. However, officially, the church has no right to refuse the sacrament of baptism, because before God everyone is equal.

Clergyman Vasily Yunak also does not give a specific answer to this question, but he tells why in some churches the clergy refuse to baptize children born out of wedlock. God and the Church see all events in the same way, but if the Lord feels with his heart and understands the true meaning, then people rely on external factors. Being born out of wedlock is a sin, the church cannot tolerate this. Even if the priest is ready, he must condemn the offense.

If the priest refused to perform the sacrament, the Lord will accept the child, because the baby should not be responsible for the actions of his parents. As he grows up, he himself will decide on baptism. Should we pay attention to people who condemn the birth of children out of wedlock, and listen to priests who refuse the sacrament? Only you can decide.

What if the church refused to baptize the child?

If in one church you were denied the baptism of a child, it is not that all clergymen are against the administration of the sacrament with children born out of wedlock. If the priest does not agree to baptize, contact another church. Some mothers in such cases do not dare to be baptized in infancy, give the child the opportunity to perform the sacrament after adulthood.

“All are pleasing to God” - this is how many clergymen answer. That is why most of them are rarely interested in whether a child is born in marriage or not, with the help of IVF or a surrogate mother. If a child was born, then this is the will of God. Can the church refuse to baptize a child born out of wedlock? Yes, but it largely depends on the opinion of the priest. If one parish was refused, then the second one may not even be interested in whether the child was born in an official marriage.

Question: Explain, please, the attitude of the church to the concept of a bastard (bastard). Is such a child born without a wedding, or at least it is enough for the mother and father to sign in the registry office?

Answer: It must be said that the Church recognizes every legal marriage, both married and unmarried.

The Church treats all children equally. The sin of children that they were born out of wedlock does not exist. Therefore, one can only talk about the sins of the parents. Here, indeed, one can definitely say that extramarital cohabitation is a sin.

Sin not only separates man from God, but destroys his life. In this case, of course, it also affects children who are the fruit of illegal cohabitation. Of course, a child, from the very moment of his conception, being in an atmosphere of sin and the illegality of the life in which he lives (both from the point of view of the law of God, and sometimes in relation to civil laws) may feel as if outside of normal society. Deprived of a real family, he receives a lot less in childhood and often feels his inferiority. In the modern world, however, this is not so noticeable, because most children are brought up in ruined and incomplete families. But in reality, children do not receive, perhaps, the main thing that is necessary in childhood: the experience of trust, warmth and love in the family. And it is especially bad for children, who at the same time feel the inferiority of their position. For example, dad has another family, which for some reason is real, he lives in it and brings up other children, but he only comes to visit me. Or one of the parents, or even both, the child does not have at all.

The idea of ​​equating a lawful, although not married, marriage with fornication does not flow from the Holy Scriptures and the teachings of the Church, but from our monstrous pride and anger. We must strongly hate people, and consider ourselves entitled to judge them, so that the entire population of the country is declared fornicators, and children are bastards. After all, most marriages in Russia (even if we leave aside the rest of the world) have been unmarried for more than eighty years.

Trying to argue about this with modern women, and trying to prove to them that they are all harlots, and their children are bastards, looks like just a bad joke. Christian preaching, and in general, cannot consist in condemning and proving. It can only be a testimony to our good life.

Question: If the parents were not married ... As the grandmothers in the churches say, the parents are in sin, and the children will be tormented both there and here all their lives ...

You listen to the grandmothers in the church, and your whole life can really seem like a confusion of nuances and omissions. However, what is from God brings simplicity and clarity to the soul. The Lord is not the source of evil, and does not punish anyone, let alone children who are not at all to blame for the sins of their parents. The sins of parents can greatly complicate, or even cripple, the life of their children on earth, and in this sense, we can say that because of them children are tormented.

But the Lord does not judge children for the sins of the parents, and even vice versa - to whom less is given, therefore the demand will be appropriate.