Life is made up of meetings and partings. A person comes into our life, sometimes changes it, sometimes gives us a valuable lesson and, having played his part in a play called “life,” leaves. It's hard to let go of a loved one, it's hard to say goodbye to someone who was part of the heart, occupied thoughts and worried the soul, but sometimes this needs to be done in order to live and move on. What stages of parting are there and how to painlessly go through the period of parting with a loved one and come to your senses after that?

It's okay to be upset after breaking up.

If a woman broke up with a loved one and is not in the best shape, experiences severe stress, even fell into depression, constantly cries, is engaged in self-flagellation, she should not think that this is happening only to her, and that she is so weak that she cannot "fine" survive parting with a man. In fact, people are so arranged that it is psychologically difficult for them to break the connection with the person to whom they are attached. It is rare to find women who take parting quite calmly, without any emotions. Therefore, it is important for a woman to realize that what she is experiencing is normal human feelings that need to be accepted in order to fight them later. It's important to know, . After all, relationships are a kind of drug, this expression is especially relevant for women who have been in a state of psychological dependence on their partner for a long time. And during the period of parting, they often have withdrawal. It is important in every sense to become free from them and move on.

Denial of fact

Immediately after parting, a woman falls into a period of denial of what happened. It doesn't matter who initiated the breakup. The fact remains: there is no longer a loved one in life, and it is difficult for the human psyche to accept this fact, so it rejects this information in every possible way, refusing to believe in it. At this stage, one of the partners usually tries to return the past, forgive, forget and renew the relationship. The first stage is the most difficult and painful. It is important to distract from thoughts about your loved one, to do everything so that there is neither time nor energy left to think about him: do work, hobbies, devote more time to friends, family, children, take care of animals, etc.

Exacerbation of negative emotions

After realizing what happened, the next one begins separation stage. The woman begins to overwhelm with anger, her resentment becomes even stronger, and all emotions are sharper and more painful. She recalls everything that was experienced with this person, all his bad deeds, anger grows in her with frightening force. Experts advise not to keep these negative emotions in yourself, but to give them a way out. These emotions will help to realize that the relationship had no future, and the woman did the right thing by agreeing to the breakup.

Excuses and bargaining

The second stage may be followed by the next, when the woman could not realize that she has no future with her beloved person. She went through an exacerbation of emotions, but cannot come to terms with the idea that this is the end. She tries to persuade herself, bargains with herself in order to leave a small chance for the renewal of an exhausted relationship. For example, he convinces himself that the child should communicate with his father and see him as often as possible, or that the child needs both parents next to him, or that he can spend the night with his ex-partner goodbye, and suddenly he will change his mind after that? In no case should you bargain with yourself and try to return the past. Relationships after breaking up as cruel as it sounds, they must be business-like.

Depression

The next stage comes after the realization of the separation. The woman gets depressed. It is important that at this moment close people are nearby who can support her and get her out of a depressive state, consultations with a psychologist will also be useful.

Acceptance and moving forward

The final acceptance of the fact comes when a woman lets go of pain, negative emotions, internally frees herself from everything that prevented her from moving forward. She again lives a full life, meets new people. Parting is always stressful, and you need to give yourself time and the opportunity to get through it, only then you can confidently move forward without looking back.

A romantic relationship is always great! They inspire, energize and give confidence to each of the partners. But, unfortunately, many couples have to part for one reason or another. This period is usually painful. It takes a lot of effort to recover from a breakup and open a new page in life. Losing is always hard, especially the one with whom you had a serious and trusting relationship.

At first, after parting, it may seem that life is cut short, and nothing in it will bring its former joy and inspiration. But these thoughts and feelings can be dealt with. The main thing is to correctly go through the stages of breaking off relations. “Correctly” means “not to hang on” to each of them and take the necessary measures in time so as not to aggravate the situation.

6 separation stages

Stage # 1. Loss denial: "No, it couldn't have happened!" or "No, this is not with me!"

At this stage, both men and women experience feelings such as fear, misunderstanding, and severe anxiety. Denial is one of the main mechanisms of psychological defense and manifests itself when an event causes severe stress in a person, and he refuses to accept it.

For consciousness, this is a certain delay in time to digest everything that happens. After a breakup, your brain doesn't want to agree that your loved one is no longer in your life. Shared goals, values, hopes and plans - losing it all turns out to be unbearable. Then we can find justification and reassurance for ourselves that everything that happened is of a temporary nature, that this is some kind of misunderstanding and the relationship will surely resume. A clear understanding of the situation will come later.

An important task of passing this stage is to get closer to realizing the reality of what is happening, no matter how painful it may be. Any support would be welcome. Therefore, there is no need to be afraid to seek psychological help: it can be simple communication with relatives, friends, or consultation with a specialist.

Stage 2. Expression of feelings: “I hate him / her! I hate myself!"

After realizing the loss, most likely, strong negative emotions will flood: anger, anger, contempt, jealousy. We feel anger at our beloved (s) for leaving, and at ourselves for not being able (could not) keep him (her) and did not correct the situation in time. Accusations and even threats against a loved one can fall down. Also, this stage is characterized by panic from the realization that he will no longer be there.

It is important, on the one hand, not to supplant negative feelings, not to forbid oneself to get angry, and, on the other hand, not to go too far in the manifestation of aggression: not to threaten, not to use physical force against the former partner and not to try to take revenge. All negative emotions need to be thrown out in a way that is safe for yourself and those around you.

For example, expressing them on paper, crying or shouting, keeping a diary, etc. You can clean up things by throwing away or taking away everything related to the previous relationship. Often this helps to free yourself from oppressive memories and get rid of unnecessary negativity.

Stage number 3. Attempts to correct the situation and return everything: "Maybe let's try again?"

After the anger and contempt wears off, there is often a desire to renew the relationship. This is an attempt to deceive yourself and believe that you can return a loved one. It can manifest itself either only in a mental desire to return everything, or in actions: phone calls, messages to a former partner, making appointments.

It is tempting to stay at this stage, but this should not be allowed. Otherwise, an obsession can easily develop. It is important to occupy your thoughts with something else, to switch to activities that will bring positive (dancing, sports, creativity, etc.). Any attempts to meet with a former lover (s), write SMS should be postponed until the desire to do it disappears.

Stage 4. Indifference, depression: “There is no point in doing something. I do not want anything"

Depends on the success of the previous stages and may not occur if the state begins to return to normal. Otherwise, the person is in danger of emotional exhaustion, and he falls into depression. Most often this manifests itself in a state of apathy, unwillingness to do anything.

It is a very dangerous stage, so it is necessary to urgently take measures to combat stress (do not stay alone, but communicate more and share experiences with loved ones, use relaxation techniques, exercise and creativity, seek help from a psychologist).

Stage 5. Acceptance of the situation: "Yes, it's a pity, but that's life!"

There is a recognition of the loss and end of the relationship, the emotional state gradually stabilizes. The fifth stage is characterized by the fact that a person resigns himself to the need to part, ceases to carry the burden of the past, “lets go” of the situation.

It is important to learn from previous relationships, to realize the mistakes in your behavior and what you have been able to learn during this time.

In addition to the above, you can find out about that on our website.

The 5 stages of separation are associated with overcoming the stress that a woman or man experiences when parting with a loved one. Stage 6 assumes readiness for a new relationship.

Stage number 6. Return to life: "I start living from scratch"

Fresh forces appear, a person becomes more energetic and more self-confident, he can begin to actively change something in the environment. This is the time when new ideas are born in thoughts and a desire arises not only to dream, but also to make plans. Moving to stage 6 of parting, we gain meaningful experience and regain our faith in the future.

Few people think about the fact that the separation process goes through 6 stages. Sometimes they proceed quickly, sometimes they drag on. But in the end, their cycle is aimed at the harmonious completion of relationships, preserving the integrity of the personality and ensuring that everyone who is experiencing loss comes to the conclusion: "Life goes on, and everything will definitely work out for me!"

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In the life of almost every person, sooner or later, parting occurs. Our life is arranged in such a way that from time to time we have to part with something or someone. Sometimes it overtakes us suddenly, and sometimes it is natural, when the relationship is already becoming obsolete.

But, as a rule, parting is always a painful process, especially if you have to disagree with your loved one and loved one. It is as if you are falling into a deep hole full of sadness, pain and disappointment. And sometimes at this moment it is hard to believe that someday you will find a way out of this "valley of tears". But no matter how it seems to us that the whole world is crumbling, we must not forget that all this is temporary.

Getting used to the idea of ​​loss is difficult, and sometimes it seems completely impossible. Looking ahead is scary, but backward is painful.

5 stages of loss

1. Stage - denial

2. Stage of expression of feelings

3. The stage of dialogue and bargaining

To start a new life, you need to do away with the old.

4. Stage of depression

5. Stage of acceptance

How long does each breakup stage last?

The common truth is known: “Any difficult situation, any crisis is not a“ misfortune ”, but a test. The challenge is an opportunity to grow, to take a step towards personal excellence and a better life. ”

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This is life, and we cannot change its rules, sooner or later our companions will leave our life.

This article consists of information collected from various sources - J. Teitelbaum, F. Vasilyuk, G. White. It examines the stages of separation from a psychological point of view. I believe that everyone should have this information, because parting is an inevitable part of our life. Sometimes, after parting, people do not understand what is happening to them, and bring themselves and their loved ones a lot of grief and destruction. They may feel their situation is desperate and insane, but in reality it is not.

Being aware and understanding the reactions of our psyche can help in accepting ourselves and our feelings. This is essential to overcome difficult situations. With this information, we can gain the ability to support ourselves and ask for help from others when needed.

This article provides a description of examples of how the separation stages usually go. These stages and states are almost identical both when breaking up a relationship and when parting with the dead. Edge states are described here for a better understanding of these processes. The stages of grief can be lived more or less intensely and even change places. I hope this information will be useful to you.

I often see people living in a breakup close in on themselves and feel they have to deal with it on their own. Based on my experience, I can say that often such a position only aggravates the person's condition and makes the separation process even more painful and long. Why and why suffer so?

It's important to talk about your feelings and share that pain with someone else in order to get through the separation phases in a healthy way. This can be a relative, friend, psychologist, etc. In this state, it can seem that everyone is indifferent to your experiences, but they are not. In fact, there is always at least one person who can listen to you and support you!

The process of mourning is often referred to in literary sources as the work of grief. This is, in fact, a great internal work, a huge mental work to process tragic events. So, grieving is a natural process needed to mourn and let go of loss. Conventionally distinguish between "normal" mourning and "pathological".

Stages of Normal Mourning

Normal mourning is characterized by the development of experiences in several stages with a complex of symptoms and reactions characteristic of each.

The picture of acute grief is similar in different people. The normal course of mourning is characterized by recurrent bouts of physical distress, throat cramps, choking fits with rapid breathing, a constant need to breathe, a feeling of emptiness in the abdomen, loss of muscle strength, and intense subjective suffering, described as tension or mental pain.

The acute grief stage lasts for about 4 months, conventionally including 4 of the stages described below. The duration of each stage is rather difficult to describe, due to their possible reciprocity throughout the work of grief.

1. Shock stage.

A tragic event causes horror, emotional stupor, detachment from everything that happens, or, conversely, an internal explosion. The world may seem unreal. Time in the perception of the grieving person can accelerate or stop, space can narrow.

In the mind of a person there is a feeling of unreality of what is happening, mental numbness, insensitivity, deafening. The perception of external reality is dulled, and then in the future, gaps often arise in the memories of this period.

The following features are most pronounced: constant sighing, complaints of loss of strength and exhaustion, lack of appetite. Some changes in consciousness may be observed - a slight feeling of unreality, a feeling of increasing emotional distance with others ( "How can they smile, talk, go to the shops when there is such pain?").

Usually, a complex of shock reactions is interpreted as a defensive denial of the fact of what happened, protecting the grieving person from colliding with a loss at once in its entirety.

1. The stage of denial (search).

Characterized by disbelief in the reality of loss. The person convinces himself and others that "Will still change for the better" that "he / she will be back soon" etc.

It is not a denial of the fact of loss itself that is characteristic here, but a denial of the fact that the loss is permanent.

At this time, it is difficult for a person to keep his attention in the outside world, reality is perceived as if through a transparent veil, through which all the time the feeling of the presence of the departed breaks through: a face in the crowd that looks like a departed person, when the doorbell rings, the thought may flash: it is he /she. Such visions are quite natural, but frightening, are taken for signs of impending madness.

Consciousness does not allow the thought of loss, it shuns pain, which threatens destruction, and does not want to believe that its own life must now also change. During this period, life resembles a bad dream, and the person desperately tries to "wake up" to make sure that everything remains the same.

Denial is a natural defense mechanism that maintains the illusion that the world will change following our yes and no, or better yet, remain unchanged. But gradually, consciousness begins to accept the reality of loss and pain - as if the previously empty inner space begins to fill with emotions.

1. Stage of aggression.

It is expressed in the form of resentment, aggressiveness and hostility towards others. In accusations of oneself, relatives or acquaintances, etc.

Being at this stage of facing a loss, a person may threaten the “guilty” or, conversely, engage in self-flagellation, feeling guilty for what happened.

The bereaved person tries to find evidence in the events preceding the loss that he / she did not do all that. He / she accuses himself of carelessness and exaggerates the significance of his / her slightest missteps. Feelings of guilt can be aggravated by a conflict situation before a breakup.

The picture of experiences is substantially supplemented by various reactions. Some of the possible experiences of this period are:

• Sleep changes.
• Panic fear.
• Appetite changes with significant weight loss or gain.
• Periods of unexplained crying.
• Fatigue and general weakness.
• Muscle tremor.
• Abrupt mood swings.
• Inability to concentrate and / or remember.
• Changes in sexual desire / activity.
• Lack of motivation.
• Physical symptoms of suffering.
• Increased need to talk about a person who has passed away.
• Strong desire for retirement.
• Or vice versa, immersion in constant meetings.
• Workaholism as a protective mechanism that helps to escape from feelings.
• Inability to work.
• Etc.

The range of emotions experienced at this time is also quite wide. The person is acutely affected by the loss and does not control himself well. However, no matter how intolerable the feelings of guilt, feelings of injustice and the impossibility of further existence - all this natural process of experiencing loss... When anger finds its way out and the intensity of emotions decreases, the next stage begins.

1. Depression stage (suffering, disorganization).

This is a time of longing, loneliness, withdrawal and deep immersion in the truth of loss. It is at this stage that most of the work of grief falls, because a person has the opportunity through depression and pain to look for the meaning of what happened. There is an opportunity to stop, immerse yourself and rethink the value of your own life. Gradually let go of the relationship with the departed, forgiving him / her and yourself.

This is the period of the greatest suffering, acute mental pain. Many heavy, sometimes strange and frightening feelings and thoughts appear. These are feelings of emptiness and meaninglessness, despair, feelings of abandonment, loneliness, anger, guilt, fear and anxiety, helplessness. Extraordinary absorption in the image of the departed and his / her idealization- emphasizing extraordinary merits, avoiding memories of bad traits and actions.

Memory, as if on purpose, hides all the unpleasant moments of the relationship, reproducing only the most wonderful, idealizing the departed. This process intensifies the painful experience. Often people suddenly start thinking how happy they really were and how much they did not appreciate it.

Grief also affects relationships with others. There may be a loss of warmth, irritability, a desire to retire.

Daily activities change. It is difficult for a person to concentrate on what he is doing, it is difficult to bring the matter to an end, and a complexly organized activity can become completely inaccessible for some time. Sometimes there is an unconscious identification with the departed, manifested in the involuntary imitation of his gait, gestures, facial expressions.

In the phase of acute grief, the grieving person discovers that thousands and thousands of little things are connected in his / her life with the person who has left his / her life. “He / she bought this book”, “he / she liked this view from the window”, “we watched this movie together”... Each of these details carries the consciousness into “there-and-then”, into the depths of the stream of the past, and one has to go through pain in order to return to the surface.

This is an extremely important point in a productive grief experience. Our perception of another person, especially a loved one, with whom we were connected by many life ties, his / her image, is saturated with unfinished joint affairs, unfulfilled plans, unforgiven grievances, unfulfilled promises. It is in working with these connecting threads that the meaning of the work of grief is in restructuring the attitude towards the departed.

Paradoxically, the pain is caused by the grieving person. Phenomenologically, in a fit of acute grief, it is not a person who leaves us, but we ourselves leave him, tear ourselves away from him or push him away from ourselves. And this self-made separation, this own departure, this expulsion of a loved one: "Go away, I want to get rid of you ..."- and observing how his image really moves away, is transformed, and disappears, and causes, in fact, mental pain.

The pain of acute grief is not only the pain of decay, destruction and withering away, but also pain birth of a new... The former bifurcated being is united here by memory, the connection of times is restored, and pain gradually disappears.

The previous stages were associated with resistance, and the accompanying emotions were mostly destructive.

1. The stage of accepting what happened.

In literary sources (see J. Teitelbaum and F. Vasilyuk) this stage is divided into two:

1. The stage of residual shocks and reorganization.

At this phase, life goes into its own rut, sleep, appetite, professional activity are restored, the departed ceases to be the main focus of life.

The experience of grief now proceeds in the form of first frequent, and then more and more rare individual aftershocks, which occur after the main earthquake. Such residual bouts of grief can be as sharp as in the previous phase, and against the background of normal existence, subjectively perceived as even more acute. The reason for them is more often some dates, traditional events. "New Year's for the first time without him / her", "spring for the first time without him / her", "birthday" or events of everyday life. “Offended, there is no one to complain to”, “a letter has come to his / her name”.

This stage usually lasts for a year. During this time, almost all ordinary life events take place and in the future they begin to repeat themselves. The anniversary of the separation is the last date in this series. Maybe that's why most cultures and religions take one year for any separation.

During this period, loss gradually comes out of life. A person has to solve many new problems associated with material and social changes, and these practical problems are intertwined with the experience itself. During this period, people very often check their actions with the moral norms of the departed, with his / her expectations, with the fact that “What would he / she say l ". But gradually more and more memories appear, freed from pain, feelings of guilt, resentment and abandonment.

1. Completion stage.

The normal grief experience we are describing enters its final phase after about a year. The duration of the grief reaction is obviously determined by how successfully the person performs the work of grief, that is, he gets out of the state of extreme dependence on the departed, again adapts to the environment in which the lost face is no longer there, and forms new relationships.

The withdrawal of a person who has generated intense hostility, especially hostility that has no outlet, can elicit a strong grief response, in which hostile impulses are most noticeable. This happens, for example, after a relationship in which people could not, for one reason or another, openly express their grievances and claims to each other.

It is not uncommon if a person who played a key role in a certain social system leaves (in the family a man played the roles of father, breadwinner, husband, friend, protector, etc.), then his departure leads to the disintegration of this system and to drastic changes in life and social the position of its members. In these cases, adaptation is a very difficult task.

One of the biggest obstacles to grief functioning properly is the often unconscious tendency of the bereaved to avoid the intense suffering associated with grief and to avoid expressing the emotions associated with it. In these cases, there is a "stuck" in any of the stages, and painful reactions of grief may appear.

Painful grief reactions

Painful grief reactions are distortions of the "normal" mourning process.

Delaying the reaction

If a bereavement catches a person while solving some very important problems, or, if it is necessary for moral support of others, he may hardly or not at all discover his grief for a week or even much longer. In extreme cases, this delay can last for years, as evidenced by cases where people who have recently suffered bereavement grief over people who died or passed away many years ago.

Distorted reactions

May manifest as superficial manifestations of unresolved grief. The following types of such reactions are distinguished:

1. Increased activity without a sense of loss, but rather with a feeling of well-being and a zest for life. The person behaves as if nothing happened. It can manifest itself in a tendency to engage in activities close to what the deceased did at one time.
2. The appearance in the grieving person of the symptoms of the last disease of the departed.
3. Psychosomatic conditions, which primarily include ulcerative colitis, rheumatoid arthritis and asthma.
4. Social isolation, pathological avoidance of communication with friends and family.
5. Violent hostility against certain individuals. With a harsh expression of their feelings, almost never any action is taken against the accused.
6. Latent hostility. Feelings become, as it were, “numb”, and behavior becomes formal.

From the diary: “… I perform all my social functions, but it looks like a game: in reality it does not affect me. I am not capable of experiencing any warm feeling. If I had any feelings, it would be anger at everyone. "

1. Loss of forms of social activity. A person cannot decide on any activity. Determination and initiative are lacking. Only ordinary daily affairs are done, and they are performed in a stereotyped manner and literally in steps, each of which requires great efforts from a person and is devoid of any interest whatsoever for him.
2. Social activity to the detriment of their own economic and social status. Such people give away their property with inappropriate generosity, easily embark on financial adventures and end up without family, friends, social status or money as a result. This extended self-punishment is not associated with a conscious sense of guilt.
3. Agitated depression with tension, excitement, insomnia, feelings of inferiority, harsh self-accusations and a clear need for punishment. People in this state can commit suicide attempts.

The painful reactions described above are extreme expressions or distortions of normal reactions.

Flowing into each other on an increasing basis, these distorted reactions significantly delay and aggravate the grieving and the subsequent "recovery" of the grieving person. With adequate and timely intervention, they are amenable to correction and can be transformed into normal reactions, and then find their resolution.

The tasks of the work of grief

Passing through certain stages of experience, mourning performs a number of tasks (according to G. White):

1. Accept the reality of loss, not only with your mind, but also with your feelings.
2. Survive the pain of loss. Pain is only released through pain. It means that the unearned pain of loss will sooner or later still manifest in any symptoms, in particular in psychosomatic ones.
3. To create a new identity, that is, to find your place in a world in which there are already losses.
4. Transfer energy from loss to other aspects of life. During mourning, a person is absorbed in the departed. It seems to him that forgetting about him / her or stop grieving is tantamount to betrayal. In fact, the ability to let go of one's grief gives a person a feeling of renewal, spiritual transformation, the experience of a connection with his own life.

One must accept the pain of loss. He must reconsider his relationship with the departed and acknowledge the changes in his own emotional responses.

His fear of losing his mind, his fear of unexpected changes in his feelings, especially the emergence of a sharply increased feeling of hostility, all this must be reworked. He must find an acceptable form for his further attitude towards the departed. He must express his feelings of guilt and find people around him from whom he could take an example in his behavior.

Life after loss

A person's emotional experience changes and is enriched in the course of personality development as a result of experiencing crisis life periods, empathy for the mental states of other people.

A person comes to understand that with the departure of a loved one, his own life has not completely lost its meaning. It continues to have its value and remains just as meaningful and important despite the loss. A person can forgive himself, let go of insult, take responsibility for his life, courage for its continuation - there is a return to oneself.

Even the worst loss contains opportunity. Accepting the existence of loss, suffering, grief in their lives, people become able to more fully feel themselves as an integral part of the universe, to more fully live their own lives.

In fact, parting is not a short dramatic episode with blouses and discs, suitable for melodramatic films. The parting begins long before the suitcase appears in the frame.

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At the words “she left him,” “he left her,” a typical picture immediately appears in front of my eyes. With trembling hands, she throws her blouses into the suitcase, saying: "No, this is no longer possible." Or he, stern and disappointed, loads boxes of DVDs into the car and slams the trunk with the words: "That's it, I've had enough."

In fact, parting is not a short episode with blouses and discs, suitable for melodramatic films. The separation begins long before the suitcase and the declaration of divorce appear in the frame. And, by the way, this process does not end with a break, a maiden name and a fire from photo albums.

Why twist the word "parting" this way and that, if people dispersed and will disperse, if only 65% ​​of official unions in Russia break up every year - not to mention civil ones? What will change if you understand that parting is stretched out in time and we leave each other not at the moment of the “last conversation”, but gradually? Why is it important to realize that parting is not a sole decision, but the brainchild of both?

Because:

An understanding will appear: the abandoned partner was not just suddenly and offensively presented with the fact of the finale - no, he was a participant in the whole process and, if desired, could influence him.

A balance of responsibility will be restored between the heroes of the love drama, which is an unpleasant and difficult thing so much that everyone strives to push it onto the shoulders of a partner, accusing and exposing.

The abandoned partner will cease to feel like a victim of circumstances and insidiousness, will regain control over his life and become a full-fledged character in the drama, and not a helpless creature that suffers from the evil will of the protagonist.

Plus, the initiator of the gap will receive incentive prizes:

He will be spared the role of a monster that destroyed the life of a once loved one.

He will not have the need to make excuses and whitewash himself (which happens, as a rule, due to the vilification of the former partner).

First step

This time of disappointment in a partner and resentment towards family life, which did not meet expectations, did not satisfy, did not make happy as in a fairy tale.

At the first stage of alienation, men are characterized by the following behavior:

1. He stops caring about a woman, or his caring looks like a once and for all established pattern.
2. He makes no attempt to please her.
3. He stops giving her emotional support.
4. He dismisses the woman's complaints and bitter feelings as unfounded.
5. It does not reinforce the woman’s confidence that he loves her.

The woman behaves this way:

1. She fixates on his shortcomings and irritably tries to make any improvements.
2. She stops feeling grateful for what he does for her.
3. She does not approve of his behavior, his actions, doubts their expediency.
4. She misses his company and tries to spend time with her friends.
5. She is much more silent than usual.

Both men and women are surprisingly unanimous in their less and less emphasis on marital sex.

Second phase

Such changes (with a certain skill) can be ignored for a long, long time, convincing yourself that you do not need to put sex at the forefront. Moreover, many couples live in such conditions for years, testing each other's patience. But in one of the partners, the lack of heat accumulates faster, and the separation turns into stage number two.

General signs:

1. Sex is increasingly ignored by both partners - to the point of completely disappearing and calling it the word "stupidity". Kisses on the lips and other tender places also become nonsense.
2. More and more time, one of the spouses strives to spend separately: any pretexts are suitable for this - from negotiations to out of nowhere classmates who have come from nowhere, exhausted without communication.
3. Your sleep-wake-play-meal schedules are strangely not overlapping.
4. The future initiator of the breakup prohibits the partner from touching his cell phone, motivating this with the need for personal space.
5. One of the spouses begins to sit on the net, and when the other half approaches, all open windows are immediately minimized.

Women:

1. At this stage, the woman cries a lot, but does not report the reasons.
2. A number of women start drinking more often and more than usual.
3. The woman begins to be annoyed by her partner's everyday habits: some cannot watch how the once beloved man eats, others - how he shaves.

Men:

1. Men have sudden and frequent outbursts of anger.
2. A man can behave defiantly, but shies away from a showdown.
3. A man begins to find fault with a woman, often disputes over household trifles develop into violent scandals.

Stage three

Then a period of acute emotional and physical starvation begins in the relationship, which ends with a break in relations, the search for new partners, curses, travel and depression.

Divorce statistics show that in 60% of cases, the wife is the initiator of the divorce. There are several reasons for this:

1. Role overload in the family and at work leads to the fact that the woman boldly takes responsibility in order to resolve the crippling situation.
2. The peculiarity of female psychology is that "women usually end sexual relations with a man whom they no longer love, and establish a strict boundary between the old love and the new."
3. The man is pushing the woman in every possible way to ensure that she becomes the initiator of the break.

Caution: The man from point # 3

The man from point number 3 will harass his former beloved in the most savage ways: to be rude, lie, disappear, sometimes - repent, reproach, change - but he will not take a decisive step, relying on the woman's initiative. What drives him?

The first motive. It's strange, but the man from # 3 is a conservative. He does not want to change anything, but the existing order of things is unbearable for him.

The second motive... Due to chronic infantilism, he cannot take responsibility upon himself, cannot figure out his desires and will rush about until the woman puts an end to this.

Motive three... The most touching and quite popular. A man does not want to humiliate and offend a woman by the fact that he no longer loves her, and prefers to bring her to such a state that she leaves herself. Such mercy is difficult to believe, but it exists.

Fourth stage

If at the moment of an acute crisis both men and women behave according to their individual

psychological characteristics, the state that occurs after a divorce can already be reduced to some numbers.

For women, the first year after separation is especially difficult. Every fourth woman seeks help from a psychologist, about 50% suffer from depression.

Men also experience feelings of depression, disappointment, loneliness, alcohol abuse, and a decrease in interest in sex and professional activity - these symptoms intensify by the middle of the second year and are called the "seventeenth month syndrome."

Total ...

Until we realize what is happening, we see nothing and are not responsible for anything. So far, we can not worry about anything, but this peace of mind is borrowed from the future, and at extortionate interest rates.

However, what should happen happens. And the less we realized the seriousness of the problem, the more unexpected it will be for us.

The saddest thing is that an unexpected breakup will interfere with further relationships: it will make us fearful and weak. Last time "it somehow happened" that we were deceived, abandoned, insulted. How and why this happened is not clear to us. So where is the guarantee that they will not be deceived this time too?

If you include awareness in the early stages of the gap (at the stage of "distance"), this does not mean that the situation will be corrected overnight. But the main thing will happen - you will tell everyone - yourself, her, him, the circumstances: “Hey, I also exist! Have they forgotten about me? I have my desires, fears, hopes, doubts. Let's take me into account, ask me, listen to me and try to understand. "

And then anything can happen. And a painful break as well. But this will be a fact of your biography, a stage in your life, after which you can move on, and not sit and painfully rack your brains: "How could this have happened?"

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