Seven levels of communication: from primitive to spiritual. Relationship levels between a man and a woman

My greetings to you, dear readers!

When two people create a relationship, then in theory their total value should be 1 + 1 \u003d 2. But in some respects, people are only engaged in finding out, and they have no strength left for anything else. In others, miracles seem to happen, both people are constantly growing, and everything beautiful over the years increases exponentially: love, trust, mutual understanding, income, quality of life, level of happiness, and so on.

Therefore, the mathematics of relations does not always obey the laws of ordinary mathematics. I counted 4 options for the development of events. They can be called the levels of relationships, because each subsequent one is higher and at least a little more stable than the previous one.

Four types (levels) of relationships:

👉1+1=0

There is no trust in a couple. All energy is spent on quarrels, attempts to prove to each other their point of view, to convince them that they are right. As a result, things really do not go well for anyone, both have no time to think about ideas and goals, and they have no strength. Each of the couple feels overwhelmed. Such an eternal competition - who is stronger and more important?

Most likely, this relationship will fall apart when one of the partners gets tired of it. Another option is that one of the partners will still break the other, or the second will get tired of fighting and submit voluntarily, then the relationship will move to the next level, in which 1 + 1 \u003d 1.

👉1+1=1

One of the pair is just ballast, in general it is neither cold nor hot from it. Essentially zero. Such a relationship can arise when a person does not really know what he wants and is ready to swallow everything that is given.

As in some film, I can't remember the name (remind me in the comments?): With one man she loved scrambled eggs, with another fried eggs, and with the third poached eggs. As a result, she turned out to be unhappy, which is not surprising - she herself did not know what she wanted, she adjusted to each man and completely lost her personality. Or this person was not originally.
Both partners in such a pair are not really interested in each other. Especially the one to whom they adjust.

Also, these relationships arise when one of the partners suppresses the other, does not allow him to develop to please his interests, public opinion or some other reason.
For example, a man forces a woman to stay at home because he is so calmer and more comfortable. He did not even think of her.
Or a woman makes a man work from call to call at a "normal" job, because she wants to live "like everyone else." And in it a brilliant inventor or entrepreneur dies.

If at the same time the person who is being suppressed loses interest in life and he humbly awaits his end, then this kind of relationship is obtained. But a riot may arise, and a full-fledged war will unleash, where 1 + 1 \u003d 0.

Conflicts in these relationships tend to end in favor of the suppressor. The one who is accustomed to adjusting is inferior, even if once again steps on his throat.

👉1+1=2

A man and a woman live together, but each is as if on his own. A kind of loneliness in the family. Everyone does his own thing, no one bothers anyone. Communication is usually just formal: “Hello, how are you? Well, that's okay, that's okay. "

The successes and failures of the other do not evoke special feelings. Simply indifferent. Because this will not affect the second in any way, because he is on his own. But nevertheless, there is some respect for the other. Conflicts are resolved mainly by compromises - everyone wins a little and loses a little.

From the outside, such a relationship can look almost perfect. And the partners themselves may think so, but at the same time they do not understand why they often do not want to go home and where the “extra third” comes from. From there, that there is no trust and close communication, but there is tension.

This relationship is noticeably more stable than the two previous types. Against the backdrop of scandals in the families of neighbors, it seems to both of them that everything is fine in their quiet haven and there is no need for throwing. But as a rule, sooner or later, one of the couple, or both at once, falls in love with someone who is closer in spirit. Why to keep the existing relationship is not clear.

Sometimes, nevertheless, one of the partners realizes that everything is going wrong, and he wants more. By studying the sea of \u200b\u200binformation or acting at random, he can lead a couple to the fourth level.

💖1+1=11

The highest level of relationship. This is also called "synergy". In such relationships, people hear each other, and not only accept them for who they are, but also support each other in every possible way, inciting each other's strengths. In both of them, the fire of a single goal burns, on the way to which each fulfills his task. Here it is best to distribute responsibilities so that everyone has the opportunity to do their part as best as possible, not to be sprayed on everything at once and not to fight on controversial issues.

For example, a man is responsible for finances, a woman for home comfort. If the family runs out of money, the husband understands that he has no right to force his wife to earn money, because it is his responsibility. If the family has nothing to eat, the wife understands that she has no right to force the man to cook, because that is her task. If her husband helps, great, she will sincerely thank him. If not, she would not even think of scandalizing with him, or whining that “she also works,” because she may not work, family income is not her concern.

I used finances and comfort as an example, because in our family this distribution worked great, reducing the number of scandals to almost zero. If there is a quarrel, it means that something is not distributed and it is time for one of us to take responsibility for it. Would you like a detailed article on the distribution of responsibilities in our family? I look forward to hearing in the comments.

Not only that, as far as I know, it was the division of responsibilities that was the beginning of human progress when, many thousands of years ago, men focused on hunting and women on household chores. Everyone improved in their own area, as a result, even surpluses appeared that could be exchanged for something useful. And just a clear distribution of responsibilities allowed Henry Ford to put together his automobile empire at one time.

There are other features at this level of relationship. When a person comes up with an idea or just a thought, he tells it to his partner. He knows for sure that they will not accept him with hostility, listen to him, seriously think about it, try to look at the situation through his eyes and do everything to understand him and put this idea into practice, even if it does not look the most successful. This path has every chance of success, because ideas are often fired that seemed to be sheer madness even to the closest people. In any case, by trial and error, sooner or later a “great idea” will appear, and if you don't try anything, the chances of success are zero.

In the event of a conflict of interest, partners will do their best to create a situation where both win. For example, a wife wants to go on vacation to the sea, a husband wants to go to the mountains. They will find places where there will be both sea and mountains. Or they will come up with something else that is even better than the two previous options. They both understand that a quarrel is born in a dispute, and not at all the truth, as is commonly believed, so they agree, instead of yelling and insulting each other.

Neither of the two wants to remake their partner. Both understand that a person as he is is perfection, the best version of himself at the moment. If he wanted to be better, he certainly would. Moreover, "better" is a relative concept. That one is better, the other is deep sadness.

Investing your resources in another person develops not only him, but also you. That is, you become an even cooler person, because you learn to listen and hear, negotiate, support, thank, convey your desires. Even if the relationship ends (which is unlikely), it will not upset you so much, because thanks to them you have grown a lot and become much better, now you have a lot of value, and it will not be difficult for you to find another life partner to create with him at least magical relationship. Naturally, your self-esteem is consistently high.

For this, the basis is to choose the right partner to help you. It is especially important to pay attention to values \u200b\u200band goals in life. How inspiring are his goals? You either have to have your own, or you must be ready to accept his goals, that is, they respond within you and you understand that you are ready to go to great lengths to achieve them. If the husband has already been chosen, then it is worth communicating with him more often on the topics of who and what wants from life and how to achieve this.

Working together to achieve success doesn't mean that you have to plow on a par with it. But sometimes you will be forced to move to an unclear place, communicate with someone unclear, hang out in different companies, and so on. For the sake of a great inspiring purpose, all of this comes easily. For the sake of a strange goal in your opinion, you cannot do this.

The atmosphere in such a family is the most pleasant, everyone is happy with each other, conflicts are a minimum, and they are not serious, in trifles. Each of the family members develops comprehensively, goes where his heart leads, looks for ways to dock this with the family and receives the support of a spouse.

Life seems like a miracle and a fairy tale. After all, you are not talking about problems and difficulties, but about interesting ideas and new opportunities. The latter, by the way, come across to you literally at every step. They all come across, but in such a relationship, you are the one who can see them.

Over the course of life, relationships can move from one level to another and roll back, the main thing is that the rollbacks are not for long, otherwise everything may end. But as a rule, if a couple has reached level 4 CONSCIOUSLY for some time, they will no longer be able to return and will do everything to stay there. True, if they got there by accident, they can make a number of mistakes and roll back to other levels.

If the relationship is really at the 4th level, then betrayal and divorce are practically excluded. Simply because they are not needed, and it is scary to lose this incredibly valuable person, in whom so much has been invested and with whom we have grown so much together. Because of the betrayal, the fairy tale will be destroyed, but oh, how you don't want it.

Do you think I'm describing some magical characters here, but in reality this does not happen? Not at all. Our family has visited all levels.

At first we met, then we started living together and by ourselves we got the first level. Endless scandals, who has the right to what, who is cooler, and so on. We survived for 3 months, and despite strong feelings for each other, we had to leave. After 8 months, they came back, and accidentally went to the second level, when I did not have the opportunity to do anything for 3 months in Thailand, I felt depressed and could not competently convey this to my husband, as a result, they almost parted again.

Then we went to China, where I worked as a DJ, I really liked it, my husband went about his business. As a result, we ended up on the third level, when everyone is independent and, by and large, if we were then divided, we would not be so upset, because everyone could do everything. I still recall with horror the feeling of my own uselessness, my husband had similar feelings. Two near-sexless creatures take turns going to the store, paying the rent, cooking and cleaning. I was visited by the idea that I can, in principle, do it myself and live alone, but I will do what I want, rest as I want and work as I want. Likewise, the husband ...

Unlike the previous three, the fourth level did not happen by itself. I had to work very, very hard. Fortunately, I did not have the idea that my husband should also do this, because first of all I wanted to figure it out myself. And learn to create relationships so that either these have already come to some more pleasant option, or practice here and then create new ones correctly, without repeating your own mistakes. And first you need to know these mistakes and what you need to do instead. The discovery for me was that as soon as I changed something in my behavior for the better, my husband immediately changed, and so on until we completely redrawn everything.

This blog is about our version of the 4th level of relationship. For the woman who first came here and reads this article, I can recommend to study other articles of this blog, and subscribe to the newsletter

Introduction

Do you know how to communicate? I'm sure everyone will say, "Yes, of course." But in what form does this communication take place? Most often it is just a conversation, an exchange of information. At the same time, everyone knows that the concept of "communication" is much broader than our usual: "Hello!" - "While".

If we look into the past, then we, who consider ourselves modern people, will become simply ashamed. After all, people, already starting from the XVI-XVII centuries, communicated at such a high level that we never dreamed of. Now we make excuses to ourselves, they say, "the mad age, we have no time to sit down, let alone talk." And, consoling ourselves with this thought, we continue to communicate at the same low level.

Assuming that "I can communicate" means: "I can communicate correctly", and this is the only way to understand the question posed, then the answer to it can be considered as not modest enough. Although speech plays a huge role in the communication of people, everyone knows very well that people, for example, lovers, do not need words to express their feelings and thoughts. It is enough for them to see each other. This fact has its confirmation in the novel by L.N. Tolstoy's "Anna Karenina", in the scene of Kitty and Levin's explanation, when they, without uttering a word, write with chalk on the green cloth of a table for card games only the initial letters of words that make up very complex sentences in syntax and content.

Communication between people is the most important sign of human existence. Without it, activity, the formation and assimilation of spiritual values, the formation and development of a personality are impossible. Communication accompanies all these processes, contributes to their implementation.

Communication is multifaceted, first of all, because it is implemented at different levels: countries and peoples, parties, collectives and individuals can communicate, accordingly, the interaction between the parties in this process will be different in its social significance. In addition, communication can manifest itself in different ways: be direct or mediated, differ in types and, finally, in the process, people can exchange thoughts, feelings, experience, work skills, etc.

Communication levels

In all the variety of dialogues, their variations, A. B. Dobrovich distinguishes six levels of communication.

"Primitive" level - the lowest level of communication. In the case of the primitive level, the partner is viewed not as an interlocutor, but as an object that may be needed and they need to master, or interfering, and then he must be pushed away.

The interlocutor sets up a contact without really worrying about how adequately and correctly you will perceive him. Drunk without hesitation confesses to a stranger on the bus. The interlocutor prefers to talk more than listen, he does not care about the birth of the necessary feelings in others. This can also be observed when dealing with a bureaucratic system or an impolite salesman.

Note that the vocabulary of such people is usually rather poor; the pace of speech is prohibitively fast, because the only goal is to suppress you, confuse you; and the attitude to communication with you, as to the conversation with the chair on which you are now sitting, i.e. none. Our appeal to such an interlocutor should be aimed at moderating his ardor, while not raising the tone, speak measuredly. If you show courtesy, but at the same time are firm and somewhere even harsh in your treatment, it will be difficult to respond to this with aggression.

Usually the biggest mistake people make is that they use the wrong level of communication that is required in a particular situation. For example, people who are overly educated often try to talk to bullies in a friendly and confidential manner, which of course cannot be done. One has to be harsh and even impolite when necessary. Humor will only be appropriate if the personal qualities of the hooligans are not affected.

"Manipulative" level - for a person using this level of communication ("manipulator"), a partner is a rival in a game that must be won. Moreover, a win always means a benefit: if not material or everyday, then at least psychological. The manipulator is always driven by selfish interests.

The interlocutor at this level of communication is perceived as a tool for achieving any goals; this level of communication is an integral part of many professions (diplomat, sales manager). Often, manipulation is necessary for some everyday processes (the wife indirectly lets her husband understand that she has nothing to wear, thus forcing him to acquire a new thing of his own accord). Often, manipulation is characterized by imitation - interest, courtesy. Threat and flattery are also extreme forms of manipulative level of communication.

The manipulative level can wear the mask of any other of the levels. Manipulation can be recognized by the general unnaturalness of the situation, for example, a person, defined by his entire appearance as a carrier of a primitive type of communication, speaks at a spiritually trusting level.

"Business" level- I mean not just "business contacts" as a kind of human occupation. The partner in this case is of particular interest as a participant in collective activities, as a person who can help, or as someone who needs help in the interests of a common cause. This level creates a special kind of intimacy in the process of working together or co-creating.

The interlocutor is attentive to your personal views, tastes, he pays attention to your character, age. The goal that unites you determines your relationship - therefore this is not manipulation (however, a competent player can easily combine several levels of communication at once, based on his tasks). The business level of communication in everyday life is applicable to people with whom it is necessary to maintain a certain distance.

In family life, this level will allow you to avoid primitive contacts. For example, a family dishwashing dispute will be resolved faster if the issue is resolved at the business level of communication.

Don't I get tired when I go to work every day?

This is the wrong formula of behavior, the problem is not solved, the contact occurs at a primitive level, the level of purely personal emotions. The correct formula is the following behavior.

I'm tired of washing the dishes five times a day every day!

I understand you, but I also go to work every day. Let's make a deal, I'll do the dishes on the weekend when I'm free. Or, if you like, we can plan out a schedule, and alternate on odd and even numbers.

"Game" level - this level, possessing the fullness and humanity of the conventional, surpasses it by the subtlety of content and richness of shades. Differs in a state of festive elation. The partner at the gaming level is distinguished by a lively, sympathetic interest in the personal characteristics of the interlocutor. Mastering the game level of contact requires a lot of artistry.

The level of communication based on improvisational forms that can be frivolous, humorous, even grotesque. So, several friends, talking animatedly and exchanging jokes, do not notice how a rather long logical chain is being built. The coquetry of women is also one of the clearest examples of communication at the level of mutual play.

This level of communication is directly related to a sense of humor, it is very important for any informal relationship. For example, family relationships are unlikely to be sufficiently harmonious and constantly renewed without mutual play and humor.

It happens that people with a certain type of character and temperament use the play level in conversations that require a completely different level of communication. It does not mean at all that these people are not capable of serious actions, it is just a consequence of a certain mentality. Such people belong to the hypertym psychotype (cheerful, energetic people).

"Spiritual" level... The partner is perceived as the bearer of the spiritual principle, which prompts us to see in him more than a single person, but the bearer of the highest values \u200b\u200bof humanity. Partners are aimed at a joint search for truth, imbued with not just interest and sympathy, they are extremely sensitive to each other's state of mind, to the slightest "turn" of each other's thoughts.

The immature "spirituality" of communication is the discovery of one's own values \u200b\u200bin another.

Mature "spirituality" of communication - attention to the values, spiritual quests of another, regardless of their similarity with my own.

The name shows that this level of communication is characterized by the greatest degree of disclosure of one's personality and immersion in the personality of the interlocutor. This level sometimes requires considerable internal efforts, of which not everyone is capable. The spiritual level of communication is used by some especially close relatives and friends. Confession to a priest, a sincere story about yourself will certainly require a particularly deep spiritual level of communication.

A special feature of the spiritual level of communication is the unhurried pace of speech, the reason for which is a special trusting attitude towards the interlocutor, to communication with him.

Situation: She shows Him a notebook of her school poems, and instead of showing interest, He makes a reply: "I thought you were about something serious." This behavior is wrong. She offers Him communication on a spiritual level, he also perceives it on a primitive business level. “Hmm, you made some pretty good sonnets,” he must say, even if it’s not entirely true.

"Standardized" level- communication at this level is based on certain standards, and not on mutual "grasping" of each other's actual roles by partners. This is the "contact of masks". Genuine role interaction does not occur at this level of communication. The disinclination to contact can have several reasons: feelings of resentment and distrust; fear of communication; laziness in relation to communication; indifference to others; fatigue.

Everyone can count many masks. The interlocutor involuntarily puts on a mask of friendliness, seriousness, politeness, since sometimes it is simply psychologically impossible to invest all his mental resources and charm into communication. It is also necessary to take into account not only verbal contacts - no less often we come across someone with just a glance, silently shake someone's hand, this also takes energy, and we defend ourselves with the help of masks.

Note that when you say a compliment that is not entirely sincere, you wear a mask to avoid being hurt by your own insincerity. Such a concept as a lie is directly related to the system of masks. The level of masks also includes the concepts of "Formal level", "Level of maintaining contact", "Level of standard conversation" (by Budgetal). The formal level is characterized by maintaining a certain impression of oneself and maintaining a certain distance.

The level of maintaining contact is communication of people in a more casual manner, communication at the level of facts and opinions.

The standard conversation level is the everyday dialogue between loved ones and acquaintances.

"Conventional" level ("convention" or consent) - partners are mutually directed, communication is built in the spirit of equality of partners and their heightened attention to each other. Communication at this level requires a high culture of communication from partners. A conventional level of communication is considered optimal for resolving personal and interpersonal problems.

It is characterized by the fact that a person either feels a need for contact and an attitude towards external communication arises in it, which is aggravated by the fact that there is a real partner, or a person does not feel such a need, but since she was approached, she encourages herself to switch to the one who addressed her. According to the condition of contact, the individual pre-accepts the fact that he will be either a listener or a speaker, because by stimulating someone to talk, one should provide him with equal opportunities in communication. At the same time, it is important to grasp the actual role of the partner, as well as his own actual role through his eyes.

In other words, you need to establish what role expectations of partners for each other. However, each of the partners has the right to confirm or not confirm these expectations. So, mutual information can take the form of confrontation or congruence (mutual agreement). If the participants choose confrontation, then the communication gradually fades away, leaving the partners the right to their own opinion. If they choose the path of congruence, i.e. confirm mutual role expectations, this necessarily leads to a growing disclosure of their "role fan" (a set of psychological roles that a person performs when interacting with another person) by each of the partners.

However, at the end of the conversation, each of the partners takes care not to impose their persona on the other. Of course, contact at the conventional level requires a high culture of communication from partners and it can be considered optimal for solving personal and interpersonal problems.

The "intimate" level implies intimacy - trust, openness of each partner for each other.

Conditions for maintaining intimacy:

1. Feel and make you feel that your partner is the most important, most attractive and most desirable person. Lack of comparisons.

2. Have a desire to give your partner joy. Think not only about yourself.

3. To realize and make it clear to the partner that one should not be ashamed of each other in anything, that in any of their manifestations, both remain dear and desirable. Let the other be who they are.

4. Know that the relationship with each other is a secret that the other person will never touch.

It is possible only when the partners feel equal within the situation that has arisen, are equally interested in establishing and maintaining trusting and deep contact. Most often, such communication occurs between close people and is largely the result of previous relationships.

In the ancient Indian treatise on love "Peach Branch" it is indicated that everyone can love on three levels: body, mind and soul.

See (Fig. 1) in the appendix.

Friendship relationships affect the emotional level, business relationships - social and often emotional, lovers relationships - emotional and sexual.

For example, the complaint that “my husband has stopped loving, we need to get divorced” is a reflection of the confusion of the emotional and social levels, the identification of a given person with marriage and love as equivalent concepts. But this view only exacerbates the situation. The problem arose on one - emotional - level ("the husband does not love"), and the search for its solution occurs on a completely different - social ("it is necessary to get divorced"). It is logical to assume that a constructive approach in this case is to help in discovering the differences between love and marriage and to solve the problem at the same level at which the difficulty arose, in this case, on the emotional level.

Let's consider the specifics of each level separately.

At the social level, partners are located in relation to each other in interrelated social roles. By "social role" is meant "a function, a normatively approved pattern of behavior, expected from everyone holding a given position"

It is important to note that social prescriptions are impersonal in nature. They are performed regardless of the personality traits and interests of the person who does it, always in the same way. That is, relations at the social level are in a sense "inhuman". The basis for their construction is a convention, a contract, a mutual agreement (Fig. 2), see the appendix.

The emotional level has a completely different nature, different from the social one. It can be described as fundamentally unconventional. The agreement of strength and immutability of emotions is impossible. Any guarantees and obligations about feelings like "I will always love you" are unrealistic and destructive for the negotiators. The transfer of the social to the emotional level, which is expressed by an attempt to establish conventions on emotions for the sake of preserving the union, leads to tension and general neurotization of relations (Fig. 3), see the Appendix. Here, in contrast to the social "must" and "must", dominates " want". Sexuality in humans (as opposed to animals), along with the function of relaxation and procreation, can be a certain way of communicating and knowing another person. An example of the fusion of the social and the sexual is patriarchal morality, where sexual relations with anyone other than a spouse are clearly regarded as adultery.

Relationship types

Business (social) relationships are built within the framework of the performed social roles, for example: seller - buyer, teacher - student, psychologist - client. Models for the performance of these roles are recorded in various legal documents. In addition, we can enter into relationships that are built not on formal prescriptions, but on an emotional basis, “purely humanly”. This makes it possible to distinguish two types of relationships: social and interpersonal, or, in other words, "business" and "human".

The level of skill is directly related to a person's ability to realize and fulfill his professional role, to build his behavior within its framework. "Human" relationships arise when behavior begins to go beyond the professional role (Fig. 5), see the appendix.

What is the difference, for example, in communication between a professional salesperson and a non-professional? The first one will not take offense at a rough replica of the buyer, all the more to demonstrate his offense. He understands that this attack is not addressed to him as a person, but as a seller. A non-professional will decide that the buyer “on his own behalf” wants to “personally” offend him, and will react not within the framework of his professional role, but as a person. As a result, he will have “normal” human relations with the customer, and instead of selling, he will find out the degree of his innocence.

Unfortunately, during the professional training of specialists, such an important section of it as the formation of the psychology of a professional is completely overlooked. This is one of the problems of Russia: we have many good people, but very few professionals. A true professional is able to separate himself from the role, which gives him

the ability to manage it. This is the main way to overcome the burnout syndrome and psychological fatigue. If the role is not a person, then in this state the person does not get tired, does not get sick and does not “burn out”.

This does not mean at all that the person playing the role becomes emotionless, like a robot.

Another important sign of a professional is his impeccability. He satisfies his human needs outside the role situation, his profession.

Human relationships are also built as role relationships. From this point of view, a business relationship problem can be viewed as a confusion of two behaviors in one role. For example, when a salesperson begins to educate a customer, the roles of salesperson and educator are confused.

Marriage and family relations. In family relationships, as in a kind of integral system, all three levels can be distinguished.

Social level in marriage. People call themselves husband and wife, having no social formalization of relations. This is the so-called civil marriage. That is, in such a “marriage, there are only emotional and sexual levels.

Under a civil marriage is an infantile attitude towards the social level, its underestimation. And from a psychological point of view, under this unwillingness to formally formalize their relationship may lie an unconscious desire to build "kinship" relationships.

The rules are well-grounded and understandable, although today we adhere to them, without thinking about their origin. For example, the rationale for prohibiting sexual relations “on the side” is connected with the fact that the owner had to be sure that the children were “from his household” “If he hits, it means he loves”. The husband must keep his wife strict. Therefore, the husband's marital duties included periodic spanking of his wife, usually on Saturdays. And if the husband did not flog, then he was negligent in his duties. If not for running a common household, then why marry today?

As common versions of "Why?" there are the following:

1. "So that in old age someone would bring a glass of water." Marriage is not a guarantee that the other will stay with you for life.

2. "For the sake of the children." This is a very dangerous delusion.

3. "For sex." Human relationships are always unique. The “one for all” form of marriage no longer works.

The institution of marriage is dying. If earlier they first got married, and then made a career, now, on the contrary, only after the formation of a personality do they move on to creating a family.

In the past, social relationships in marriage were seen as more important than good relationships. Marriage was obligatory, and good relations - as you are lucky: "If you endure it, you will fall in love." Today, the priority is to have a good relationship, which does not necessarily have to go into marriage. Conflicts in marriage occur when these two tendencies clash, that is, having good relationships, partners try to formalize them into the old type of marriage and family relations. As a result, their interpersonal relationships, their main wealth, begin to suffer. Marriage is always a burden on human relations, that is, even greater complications. And if there is a wormhole in human relationships, then in marriage it will not disappear, but will grow even more.

The uniform pattern of husband and wife disappeared. Society does not follow these examples so zealously. Therefore, we can say that today the ideal spouse is the one with whom it is good. That is, today the couple themselves can create the sample that is convenient for her, and only for her.

At the social level, two types of contract are distinguished: marriage with the dominance of one of the spouses and partner.

The emotional level in marriage. At the emotional level, no conventions and contracts work. How long can you sort things out with each other? Yes, all my life! And still it’s not clear to the end. Can you agree to love each other all your life? Of course, it is possible to agree, but where is the guarantee that this can be done? What if in a month my love will disappear? And I promised to love forever. What to do? Forcing yourself to love? There is no better way to make you hate than to make you love.

Thus, any conventions made on an emotional level begin to generate unpleasant feelings of guilt or resentment. The emotional level is not measurable. The minimum number of men a woman can love is not one, but two. The second is your father, for example. As for the emotional level, it all depends on the strength of your heart. If a person knows how to love, then he radiates love to everyone with whom he comes in contact. Even food can be cooked with love. On an emotional level, cheating does not exist. "Love another" is not treason, since the person did not do anything special for this and could not do anything.

A good person is not a profession. And the beloved too. A vibrant emotional relationship does not guarantee a successful marriage.

It often happens that, having good emotional (and sexual) relationships, partners begin to think that they will be just as good in marriage, or even better. They begin to burden their relationship with another level - the social one. In practice, this can only lead to their complication.

Sexual level in marriage. A synonym for sex is intimate. That is, this level should be known, as one sage said, only three: he, she and the Lord God.

The richness of a marriage depends on the extent to which all three levels of relationships are developed and represented.

If we talk about the maturity of marriage and family relations, then it lies in the extent to which spouses can distinguish (highlight as separate) levels of their relationship and combine (and not mix) them with each other.

What are the levels of relationships? According to the Vedas, there are eight different levels of relationships in which people can be compatible with each other.

In this article you will find the eight levels of the relationship between a man and a woman described in the Vedas. You will also learn how to make them long and strong.

RELATIONSHIP LEVELS

1st level of relationships - "bodily"

This level is also called "disco" love. This is the lowest level, for which Mars is responsible; relations here are built on the lower centers (bodily).

Harmony in such a relationship will be present for about 6 months, but after a maximum of 2-3 years, such relationships will become obsolete.

As a rule, partners find each other at entertainment events, such as discos. Happiness for them exists only on the physical level. A marriage in which only this compatibility is present is doomed to break.

Relationship Level 2 - Venus Level

People who are compatible at this level, as a rule, find joint happiness in joint hobbies, hobbies, travel, hiking, singing with a guitar, playing sports, etc.

Relationship Level 3 - Sun Level

Compatibility at this level gives people a sense of harmony, peace and comfort. The feminine manifestation of happiness is expressed in the joy of being near a beloved man, as a rule, respected in society and with prosperity, and the masculine manifestation of happiness is in a state of peace and tranquility to be next to such a woman.

Relationship Level 4 - Moon Level

Happiness for people at this level is in conversation. They find each other by their good character traits.

Such people can be united by joint work for the benefit of people. Relationships begin with friendship, a woman in such a relationship wants to be protected and protected. This is the best kind of harmony, since the Moon is a symbol of the strength of relationships2.

5th level of relationship - the level of Mercury

Happiness for people compatible at this level of relationships lies in a subtle perception of the world. They are often familiar with the feeling of trembling happiness.

6 level of relationship - level of Saturn

The relationship between a man and a woman at this level contributes to a joint deep understanding of the world.

Relationship Level 7 - Jupiter Level

People who seek to find their chosen one at this level are constantly engaged in self-improvement. The girl is looking for a husband as a mentor with whom she can jointly engage in spiritual practice. When they find each other, they do not immediately understand the need to be together all their lives.

8th level - the highest level, the level of the divine

People at this level of harmony move away from marriage to the spiritual world.

The higher the level at which people begin to build relationships with each other, the easier it will be for them in the future to develop all levels located below; the stronger and more harmonious such a union will be.

For a long-term relationship, compatibility is desirable on at least three of the eight listed levels.

Notes and feature articles for a deeper understanding of the material

¹ Vedas - a collection of the most ancient Hindu scriptures in Sanskrit (

The question of personal life for many of us is quite painful. Why don't you develop relationships with the opposite sex, why don't you meet the ones I dreamed about, or why is everything not the same as before? Doctor-Ayurvedist Oleg Gennadievich Torsunov in his lecture "Creating a family" describes in detail all types of relationships and their possible further development. He says that a person is looking for such a life partner that will correspond to his consciousness. Of all those who come our way, we must choose the best chosen one for ourselves, and such factors as pity and “it’s time, as it were,” should not be decisive in choosing a life partner.

According to the Vedas, there are eight different levels of relationships at which people can be compatible with each other:

1. Corporeal ("disco" love) - the lowest level

Relationships that are built on the lower centers (bodily) will eventually come to naught. Harmony in such a relationship will be present for about 6 months, but after a maximum of 2-3 years, such relationships will be exhausted. People who are similar only at this level, as a rule, find each other at entertainment events - for example, discos. Happiness for them exists only on the physical level. A marriage in which only this compatibility is present is doomed to break. It is almost impossible to develop higher levels of relations.

2. The level of the groin area

People who are compatible at this level, as a rule, find joint happiness in joint hobbies, hobbies: traveling, hiking, singing with a guitar, playing sports, etc.

3. The level of the solar plexus

Compatibility at this level gives people a sense of harmony, peace and comfort. The feminine manifestation of happiness is in the joy of being near a beloved man, as a rule, respected in society and with prosperity, and the masculine manifestation of happiness is in a state of peace and tranquility next to such a woman.

4. The level of the heart center - the level of the Moon

Happiness for people at this level is in conversation. They find each other by their good character traits. Such people can be united by joint work for the benefit of people. Relationships begin with friendship, a woman in such a relationship wants to be protected and protected. This is the best kind of harmony, because the moon is a symbol of the strength of the relationship.

5. Level of the head center

Happiness for people compatible at this level of relationships lies in a subtle perception of the world. They are more often familiar with the feeling of trembling happiness.

6. Mind level - Saturn level

The relationship between a man and a woman at this level contributes to a joint deep understanding of the world.

7. Mind level

People who seek to find their chosen one at this level are constantly engaged in self-improvement. The girl is looking for a husband as a mentor with whom she can jointly engage in spiritual practice. When they find each other, they do not immediately understand the need to be together all their lives.

8. The highest level - the level of the divine

People at this level of harmony move away from marriage to the spiritual world.

It is important to note that the higher the level at which people begin to build relationships with each other, the easier it will be for them in the future to develop all the levels that are located below, and the stronger such a union will be. For the longest and most harmonious relationship, compatibility is desirable on at least three levels of the eight listed.

If a person cannot get married or get married for a long time, this suggests that in a past life his family life was unsuccessful, and he pays for it. You should not engage in specially targeted search for a partner. The best solution is to engage in your own self-development, self-knowledge, aimed at internal character change.

Dr. Torsunov says that the more sexual intercourse a person has, the less mental strength he has left to create lasting harmonious family relationships.

On my own I want to add - believe that you will definitely meet with your soul mate. Each of us in this world has his own time for this desired meeting. Someone is destined to meet a loved one at 18, and someone at 40. The main thing is to believe that in this world there is a person destined for you by fate. And when you meet him, I sincerely wish you harmony with him at all levels of relations!

_________________________________________________________________________

Source: audio lecture by Dr. Torsunov O.G. "Creating a family". The full version of the audio lecture can be downloaded (mp3, 24 kbps, 21 Mb, 120 minutes, downloads: 1554).