Can I hit with a belt. Key reasons for using physical punishment in the educational process. Can children be hit

During this month, I have several posts on the topic of parenting. Everything was actively discussed, except for one topic: is it possible to beat children. It was as if by itself implied. Here is a story, it is easy to read and the end is unexpected, and the conclusion does not lie on the surface. Read and tell me if it is necessary to physically punish children?

This was very much expected.
And they waited.
When you have already lost hope. Nine years of waiting - and suddenly pregnancy!

Sema was fed with the love of his parents. Even slightly overfed. Spoiled.

Sema's mother, Lilya, is an orphanage girl. I saw a lot of toughness and little love. Lilya loved Semochka for herself and for him.
Dad Grisha is a child from a large family.
Grisha was very loved, but he grew up like a tumbleweed, because his parents desperately earned a living for a large family.
Grisha and his brothers grew up practically in the yard. The yard taught Grisha a lot, showed his place in society. Not a leader, but not a servant either. Strong, confident, self-conscious.

Grishin's parents were waiting for Semochka no less passionately. Still would! First grandson!
They cried under the windows of the hospital over the blue bag in the window, which Lily showed from the second floor.
Now Sema is already five. Half past six.
Sema turned out to be a sensible, but spoiled child. How else with such a concentration of love for one baby?

Semochka spent this weekend with his grandparents.
Lilya and Grisha went to the dacha to clean the house for the summer season
Grisha's brother brought the seed home on Sunday. I passed my nephew with jokes and jokes.
Syoma was cheerful, ordinary, his mouth was smeared with chocolate.
In the evening, Lilya undressed her son for bathing and noticed ... There are two red stripes on the pope. Belt marks.

Lily's hands went cold.
- Semyon ... - Lilya's tongue did not obey.
- Yes mom.
- What happened with grandparents?
- What happened? - Sema did not understand.
- You were beaten?
- Yes. I dabbled, jumped from the back of the sofa. Grandpa said once. Two. Then the sofa broke. I almost crushed Murzik. And the third time my grandfather beat me. On Saturday.

Lilya began to cry. With all the desperation I could possibly muster.
Sema too. I looked at my mother and began to cry. From self-pity.
- Why didn't you tell me right away?
- I forgot.
Lilya understood that Sema, due to his age, did not attach much importance to this event. He was hurt more than hurt.

And Leela was in pain. Very painful. My heart ached. Kololo.
Lilya rushed into the kitchen, where Grisha was finishing his dinner.
“Sema will no longer go to your parents,” she snapped.
- This week?
- Generally. Never.
- Why? - Grisha choked.
- Your father beat my son.
- Beaten up?
- Gave the belt.
- For what?
- In what sense "for what"? What's the difference "for what"? Is it so important? For what? Grisha, he beat him !!! With a belt! - Lilya broke into a cry, almost hysterical.
- Lilya, all my childhood they beat me like a sidorov goat and nothing. Did not die. I'll tell you more: I'm even happy about it. And I am grateful to my father. We were all beaten. We are a generation of spanking butts, but that's not fatal!
- So you are for domestic violence? I understand correctly? - clarified Lilya in a steel voice.
- I am for you not to make a tragedy out of this. Slightly less mhat. I will call my father, find out everything, and tell him not to punish Semka anymore. Let me explain what we are against. Take it easy.

So are we against or is it not fatal? - Lily could not calm down.

A belt is the most intelligible method of communication, Lilya. The fastest and most efficient. It was the belt that explained to me the danger to my health of smoking behind garages, fighting at school, stealing apples from other people's gardens. It was with the belt that they explained to me that you cannot burn fires in peat bogs.
- And in words ??? Words would not reach you ??? Or has no one tried it?

They explain everything else in words. For example, that you cannot eat candy before soup. But if I eat, nobody dies. And if I set fire to peat, I will smoke and steal - this is a crime. Therefore, the belt is like an exclamation mark. Not just "no". DO NOT !!!

Fuck punctuation marks!
- Lilya, in our time there was no juvenile justice, and when I was flogged, I did not think about revenge on my father. I thought that I would no longer do what I was being punished for. Raising a father is an hour before bedtime. He came home from work, had dinner, whipped for misconduct, and immediately came to kiss before bed. You know, I adored my father. I worshiped. I loved more than my mother, who was kind and stood up.
- Grisha, can you hear yourself? You say hitting children is the norm. You just say it in other words.
- Now everybody is his own psychologist. Psychologist-educator. And everyone will tell you in the magazine "Shislivye Raditeli" about what kind of mental trauma a blow inflicts on a child's bottom. And I, as the bearer of this priest, officially declare: none. No, Lil, injuries. Quite the opposite. The longer the bruises hurt, the longer the lessons will be remembered. So slow down. Sema will go to her beloved grandfather and grandmother.

After I talk to them.
Lilya sat hunched over, staring at one point.
- I realized. You are not against domestic violence.
- I am against violence. But there are exceptions.
- That is, if there are exceptions, then you will hit Sema.
- Exactly. I'll hit you too. If exceptions happen.

There was a heavy silence in the kitchen. It could be cut into portions, it was so tight and tangible.
- What are the exceptions? - Lily asked quietly.
- Various. If I find you with a lover, for example. Or I’ll come home, and you, I don’t know, sleep drunk, and the child is abandoned. A clear example? And Sema will rage. If, for example, he runs to the railway station alone and without asking, if one day he comes home with dilated pupils, if ... I don’t know ... he will kill an animal ...
- What animal?
- Any animal, Lily. Do you remember how he stepped on a lizard with a sandal when he was two? And he killed. I played it and killed it later. He was very small. I didn't understand anything. And if he does the same when he is eight years old, I leave him with a belt.

Grisha, you can't beat children. Women. You can't, you understand?
- Who said that? Who! What kind of expert? A belt is the most accessible and shortest communication method. We were flogged, everyone, you know? And no one died from this, but grew up and became good people. And that's the argument. And a society driven into a vice by invented grotesque rules when a child can sue parents is nonsense. Wake up, Lily, we are in Russia. Finland is far away.

Lily was silent. Grisha pulled the dinner plate close to him.
- I hope you understood me correctly.
- Hope.
Lilya silently left the kitchen, went into Sema's room.
He played constructor peacefully.
Sema had different toys, even dolls, but there were no soldiers. Lilya hated violence, and did not want to see him even in toys.
A soldier is a warrior. A warrior is a fight. Fighting is pain and violence.

Grisha wants to say that sometimes a fight is a defense. Lilya wants to say that in a civilized society there are enough verbal battles. These are two polar points of view, incompatible within the same family.

Shall we go swimming? Sema asked.
- The water has already cooled down, now I will add hot ...
- Mom, when is the first number?
- First number? Hmm ... Well, today is the twenty-third ... In a week the first. What?
- Grandpa said that if I go to the balcony alone, where the window is open, he will again give me the first number ...
Lilya sighed heavily.
- Grandpa will never give you a drink again. Will never hit. If this happens - promise! - you will tell me right away. Immediately!

Lily went up to her son, sat down, looked sternly into his eyes:
- Sema, never! Do you hear? Never go alone to a balcony with a window open. This is dangerous! You can fall down. And die forever. Do you understand?
- I understand, Mom.
- What did you understand?
- That you can't go to the balcony.
- Right! - Lilya smiled, pleased that she was able to convey an important lesson to her son. - Why not?
- Because my grandfather will give me a belt ...

Why do many parents actively use physical influence on their own children? The reasons behind this phenomenon are quite deep. But physical punishment, as it is extremely harmful, can be replaced by far more effective and humane alternatives.

Some argue that "It is necessary to whip the child until he is older"... And this is a tribute to tradition. Indeed, in Russia, birch rods were an integral element of education. But today everything has changed, and physical punishment is equated with medieval executions. True, for many, this issue is important and remains open.

Key reasons for using physical punishment in the educational process

A huge number of parents use force in raising children and do not think about what consequences this may cause. It is customary for them to fulfill their parental duty, generously endowing children with cuffs. Moreover, in order to maintain discipline, an object of intimidation is often hung in a conspicuous place - a belt, etc.

What are the reasons for such a furious medieval cruelty among modern moms and dads? There are several reasons:

• Hereditary reasons. Most often, parents take out their own childish grievances already on their child. Moreover, such a father or mother usually does not realize that there is an upbringing without violence. Their confidence that the cuff fixes the spoken educational words in the child is unshakable;
• Lack of desire, as well as time for raising a baby, conducting long conversations, explaining his wrongness. After all, it is much faster and easier to hit a child than to sit down with him and talk about his misdeeds, to help him understand his own wrong;
• Lack of even basic knowledge about the process of raising children. Parents take the belt in their hands only out of despair and from not knowing how to cope with the "little monster";
• Rejection of resentment and anger for their own failures., Previous and present. Often parents beat their own child just because there is no one else to break on. The salary is scanty, the boss is cruel, the wife does not obey, and then there is a mischievous child spinning underfoot. And the parent gives the pope for it. Moreover, the louder the child cries and the more afraid of the father, the more he will come off the child for his own problems and failures. After all, a person needs at least before someone to feel his own power and authority. And the worst thing is when there is no one to intercede for the child;
• Mental disorders. There are also such parents who simply need to shout, beat the child, arrange a showdown for no apparent reason. Further, the parent reaches the required condition, presses the baby to him and cries with him. These mothers and fathers need the help of a doctor.

What is physical punishment?

Experts refer to physical punishment not only as direct use of brute force in order to influence a child. In addition to belts, towels, and slippers, and cuffs, and punishment in the corner, and tugging at the arms and sleeves, and ignoring, and force-feeding or not feeding, etc. are used. But in any case, one goal is pursued - to inflict pain, to demonstrate power over the child, to show him his place.

Statistics:most often children under 4 years of age are subjected to punishment in physical form, since they still cannot hide, defend themselves, or be indignant with the question: "For what?"

Physical influences provoke a new wave of disobedience in the child, which, in turn, leads to a new surge of parental aggression. Thus, the so-called cycle of domestic violence appears.

Consequences of physical punishment. Is it okay to hit a child?

Are there any benefits to physical punishment? Of course not. It is not true that the carrot does not work without the whip and that light bashing is useful in some situations.

Note to moms!

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After all, any physical punishment has consequences:

• Fear of a parent, on which the child directly depends (and loves at the same time). This fear develops in the course of time into a neurosis;
• Against the background of such a neurosis, it is difficult for a baby to adapt in society, to find friends for himself, and later - and the other half. This also affects career;
• Children raised by such methods have extremely low self-esteem. The child remembers the “right of the strong” for the rest of his life. Moreover, he will use this right at the first opportunity himself;
• Regular flogging affects the psyche, causing developmental delays;
• Children who constantly focus on expecting punishment from their parents are unable to focus on lessons or play with other children;
• In 90% of cases, a child beaten by a parent will do the same with his own children;
• Over 90% of malefactors were abused by their parents in childhood. Probably no one wants to raise a maniac or a masochist;
• Regularly received punishment, the child loses a sense of reality, stops solving pressing problems, learning, experiencing constant anger and fear, as well as a desire for revenge;
• With each blow, the child moves away from the parent. The natural bond between parents and children is disrupted. There will be no understanding in a family with violence. Growing up, the child will cause many problems for tyrant parents. And in old age, parents will face an unenviable fate;
• The punished and humiliated child is extremely lonely. He feels overwhelmed, forgotten, thrown to the sidelines of life and unnecessary to anyone. In such states, children are capable of doing such stupid things as going to bad companies, smoking, drugs, or even suicide;
• Having entered the courage, parents often lose control over themselves. As a result, a child who has fallen under a hot hand runs the risk of injury, sometimes incompatible with life, in the event that, after being hit by a parent, falls and hits a sharp object.

Children cannot be beaten. There are viable alternatives

It must be remembered that physical punishment is a weakness, not a strength of parents, a manifestation of his failure. And excuses like “he doesn't understand in any other way” remain just excuses. In any case, there is an alternative to physical violence. For this:

1. You should distract the child, turn your attention to something interesting.
2. Capture the kid with an activity in which he will not want to be naughty and capricious.
3. Hug your baby and convince him of your love. After that you can spend with your baby at least a couple of hours of your own "precious" time. After all, the child does not have enough attention ( We also read: ).
4. Come up with new games. For example, you can collect scattered toys in two large boxes, who is the first. The reward can be a good bedtime story from dad or mom. And it will work better than a cuff or a cuff.
5. Use loyal methods of punishment (deprivation of a laptop, TV, going for a walk, etc.).

READ ALSO:

• 8 loyal ways to punish children. How to properly punish a child for disobedience -
• 7 gross mistakes parents make when fighting with children
• How you can not punish a child -
• Do I need to punish a child at 3 years old: the opinion of parents and a psychologist -

It is important to learn to get along with your child without punishment. There are a huge number of methods for this. There would be a desire, but you can always find an alternative. It is important for any parent to understand that children should never be beaten under any circumstances!

Why you can't beat children. Parental self-control and physical punishment

Opinions of moms from forums

Olga: My opinion is that it is very strictly impossible. Because we begin to drive into a rigid framework, and when we are not around the children will start to come off to the fullest. Remember for yourself, always begins to want even more that which is not allowed or not. And we ourselves cannot always fall asleep, even if we really want to. To beat or not to beat ?? I am against hitting, although I sometimes spank myself. Then I scold myself. I think raising a hand to a child, it's just that we can't cope with our emotions. You can just come up with a punishment. We have this corner. The little guy terribly does not like to stand there, roars. ... But we have a contract with him, if it is put there, until you calm down, I will not go to talk to him. And it stands until it cools down. The hardest thing is probably to find a punishment, because one method does not work for everyone.

Zanon2: not to beat but to punish! agree. but no beat!

Beloslava: I also sometimes spank, then I myself think I lost it again, I can't beat ... I try to change the subject altogether if the psychos attacked, usually it happens before the daytime sleep, but most of all I am depressed that the child, when playing naughty and I swear, says “hit”. He does not speak in phrases yet. I explain that I love him and I don’t want to beat him and I will not. I try to restrain myself now, I seem to forget ... And our dad thinks that we must beat him ... and you cannot convince him in any way ... beat ...

Natalinka15: Yes, it's a difficult topic, I try not to shout, but I don't accept hitting a child at all, I try to negotiate. If I can't come to an agreement calmly, then for a while I leave my daughter alone and just turn around and leave. Sometimes she reacts differently, sometimes she immediately calms down, but sometimes she doesn't. But when I leave, we both have time to think and calm down. In principle, it always works out, to decide everything in peace and we put up.

Palm_to_Sun: that's what I was thinking ... why do we, adults and parents, allow ourselves to hit our child if he pulls out, acts as an irritant if we can't agree with him ... why don't we spank adults who are completely alien to us? ... can also irritate, offend ... after all, we will think a hundred times before punching an opponent in the face. same? we are afraid to act as an aggressor, we want to look civilized, smart and tolerant, to translate the conflict into diplomacy. that with children then it does not work for some?

We also read: How to raise children: with a stick or a carrot? -

Video consultations of specialists

Note to moms!

Hello girls! Today I will tell you how I managed to get in shape, lose 20 kilograms, and, finally, get rid of the terrible complexes of overweight people. I hope you find this information useful!

Hello dear readers. Today we will talk about whether it is possible to beat children for the purpose of education. In this article, we will consider the reasons for this behavior of parents, the possible consequences of these actions for children, we will find out an alternative way out of this situation.

Reasons for using violence

Asking the question whether it is possible to hit a child in the pope, some parents will answer yes, but clarify that it is solely for educational purposes. What is the reason for such a statement. First, by my own experience. Probably, as children, such parents were also raised with a belt and believe that this had a positive effect on them. And what other factors influence the adoption of such a decision?

1. A parent can use force against his little one, thus realizing his childhood grievances and often without even realizing it.
2. It is a manifestation of its own failure. This situation is completely sad, because such parents take out all their anger, problems that have arisen at work, troubles in their child's personal life, regardless of whether he has committed some kind of offense or not. He may just fall under the hot hand.
3. Some parents resort to this method of punishment due to lack of time or unwillingness to calmly talk about everything with their child, discuss his action, explain why this should not be done and what such behavior can lead to.
4. The phenomenon of helplessness. Some dads and mothers simply do not know how to behave when communicating with the baby, how else to punish him.
5. Instability of the psyche. Some parents simply cannot cope with their emotions, tantrums. So they do not find another way to take out the accumulated negative. As a rule, such a dad or mom, after inflicting corporal punishment, will cry with the little one, and reproach himself for his act.

Possible consequences

Can a child be hit with a belt or not? If this question arises in your minds, then it's time to find out why such actions are unacceptable and illegal.

As you can see, the use of physical punishment leads to great problems for the younger generation, seriously injures the psyche of children. They grow up either oppressed or mentally unstable, or tyrants and despots.

How to stop

It is very important that parents realize in time that the use of force as punishment is unacceptable. To stop yourself, restrain yourself, not let your anger get the better of you, you can use the following methods.

1. Imagine yourself in the place of a child, and let some huge and angry person act in your role.
2. If you have a desire to respond to the disobedience of the little one, tell him that you are upset by his act and calmly, silently go to your room.
3. To calm down, you can count from one to ten.
4. Consider whether the current situation is worth the punishment.
5. If anger is still breaking out, switch from the event that happened, for example, to the baby's clothes, hair, eyes.
6. At the first desires to let go of your hands, imagine that you are in public and everyone is looking at you and evaluating your behavior.
7. If the baby pisses you off, instead of screaming, start singing songs.
8. The use of assault can be replaced with a simple action. You just need to take the child by the shoulders, look into his eyes and in a stern voice say your request for good behavior.
9. When you awaken a strong desire to give a son or daughter a pope, imagine that this is someone else's baby, and you have no right to behave this way.
10. At the moment of disobedience, you can remind the little one of such cases from fairy tales, tell them that the obedient receive rewards, and the disobedient are always punished in one way or another.

Other ways of punishment

It is very important that parents understand that there are other methods of influencing the child for educational purposes.

1. Deprive a naughty toddler, for example, watching cartoons.
2. If you are on the street, ask a passing uncle or aunt if your baby is behaving well. Most children will be very ashamed of their behavior.
3. For a certain time, stop communicating with the guilty toddler, pretend that you do not notice him.
4. Change the intonation of your voice, address your child in a raised tone, or, conversely, speak too softly. The main thing is to feel confident and strict in your pronunciation.
5. Put the child in a corner, take his favorite toys, leave him without favorite activities. However, it should be borne in mind that such punishments should be short-term.
6. When the little one tries for a long time, for example, to pour sugar into soup or salt into tea, do not shout at him, indicating the wrong actions. It is enough to allow the planned act to be performed. The child himself realizes that he was wrong. It will be a good lesson for him.
7. A punishment table can be purchased. The kid should know that if he is guilty, he will sit on him for a certain time, descending from his place.
8. You can invite the child to decide for himself what his punishment will be.

However, it should be borne in mind that, first of all, parents must explain to the baby why and what cannot be done, how to behave correctly in a given situation.

My parents never raised a hand against me. Although, as my husband would say, this is due to the fact that I have always been obedient and obedient, and did not give rise to any kind of punishment. In raising my son, I also do not use physical violence. But I will not hide the fact that sometimes I do not hold back, and I begin to scold him, raising my voice. Then I feel disgusting, I often apologize. I understand that by such actions I do not have a positive effect on the educational process, but I cannot help myself.

Precautions

In order to prevent even the thought of physically punishing a child, parents should adhere to special rules.

1. If the little one is trying to reach for an object that poses a danger to him or wants to throw a tantrum, just switch his attention to some kind of toy, lure him into a game, offer to look at the behavior of another child.
2. So that the baby fully understands, for example, what danger a hot iron conceals, demonstrate this by lightly touching the sole of the appliance. With a low cry, say out loud how hot he is and how it hurts you now. Such a demonstration is much more entrenched in the mind of the child than your verbal prohibition.
3. Parents must understand that moral abuse is also unacceptable. The toddler should feel loved and respected.
4. If the child is exposed to an approaching danger, it is important to remain calm and without unnecessary screaming, to fence him off from it.
5. Give up threats to your baby completely, especially if they are obviously impossible.
6. It is not necessary to isolate the child from all the dangers, even the smallest, that surround him. The kid will still try to learn about the world, but, as you know, such a child's zeal will cause resentment among parents. To prevent this, you can perform cognitive actions with the little one.

Now you know that this kind of behavior is unacceptable in raising a child. Every time you have the thought of picking up a belt or just hitting your child with your palm on the bottom or face, think about all the possible consequences of using physical force. Always keep in mind alternative methods of punishment. It is very important that the baby grows up not only with a healthy body, but also with a strong spirit, with a strong psyche.

"Of course NO" - psychologists and teachers will answer. “In some cases, this is simply necessary,” say some ordinary people, and to be honest, some psychologists and teachers.

When punished with a belt

Before moving on to the question "To beat a child with a belt or not?", Let's think: "And why, in fact, can you beat a belt?"

In the Middle Ages, corporal punishment was considered the norm in the educational process. They beat me, however, with rods, not a belt. And thus children were punished for any wrongdoing. Does not listen to the teacher - 10 rods, did not complete homework - 15 rods, and there could be no talk of arguing with the elders. Let's turn to history and remember that in the Middle Ages, during the Inquisition, adults were executed in public on the square, and skillful devices were invented for this. Moreover, in all countries of Western Europe and Russia, corporal punishment affected people of the lower classes and children. Isn't it humiliating? Even then, such means of education were opposed by J.A. Comenius and the thinkers of the Enlightenment J. Locke, J. J. Rousseau, Pestalozzi. And we seem to be moving in the right direction, reaching out to the individual and appealing to the conscience of the child. But not everywhere: since the end of August 2011, corporal punishment of schoolchildren with rods has been allowed in the UK. Is it the impotence of teachers or the need for time?

Will this solve the parenting problem? Probably not. It’s just easier: I took a stick / belt, unfastened it as it should be, so that it was discouraging, so that the child was afraid and didn’t do it again. But to explain, to look for the reasons for the "bad" behavior of the child, and I don’t want to change something in myself and the child’s environment, is too difficult.

Any child's behavior is understandable. It's just not clear for what misconduct one can beat with a belt.

Many were faced with the fact that a teenager came home with the smell of tobacco, which means he was smoking. Therefore, he harmed his health. Restless father takes the belt and ... discourages smoking. Who stopped using tobacco after that? Nobody, actually. Later, the same child begins to simply still drink alcohol. Is it about the child? Don't get it? No, he just does what he wants, he just got the right company, but where is the father? He is busy with his own business. He makes money, at best, or even sits at home, demonstratively drinking beer and smoking cigarettes. In the first case, the parent provides money for bad habits, and in the second - sets an example. How to be? Lead a healthy lifestyle and instill it in your child through joint sports. Otherwise, for the sake of justice, ask the same teenager to beat you too.

For what else is the belt used as a punishment?

For a damaged item, for example: a broken window, a broken toy, a torn dress, or a parent's car. It's just that all these things are expensive, and the child does not understand this, does not know how hard it is to make money. Only the next time you break the traffic rules, ask the traffic police inspector to beat you off. Why not be glad that your child remained alive and well?

For the fact that mom / dad were late somewhere because of the child's slowness (dressing slowly, walking along a slippery street not as fast as we would like) or his whims (“wrong dress”, “I don’t want to go anywhere”). Only the next time, when you dress up, changing one dress / suit for another, going on a visit, take a belt with you, so that you will be punished there for being late due to your fault.

Why there is NO belt

Precisely because:

• physical punishment can lead to physical injury to a child: by slapping a baby in the hearts, you can cause not only pain, but also harm to his health;
• punishment with a belt is a compensation for unjustified ambitions of parents, and what it is for a child, they do not think, therefore we say NO to parental weakness and impotence;
• corporal punishment is a way to show a child that he is superior to him, for this reason we say: NO belt;
• inflicting pain and suffering on a weaker one is low and mean, it brings up cruelty, therefore: NO hitting children;
• it is useless for the child, therefore: NO, NO and NO PENALTIES WITH BELTS, BARS, etc.

These tools are not educational in themselves.

How to react when “the belt is crying for the child”?

The best educators are our example, our love and attention.

If the child's behavior is a threat to his life:

1. Warn him about this.
2. Set an example of the right choice (only not in words, but in deeds). A preschool toddler should be stopped by holding it calmly and quietly by the elbow or shoulders, as an option, you can hug.
3. Sometimes give the opportunity to "fall" so that there is something to compare with.
4. Support in good endeavors.

If the child's actions are destructive for the outside world (breaks, destroys, spoils):

1. Stop.
2. When the child's outbursts of anger / tantrum have stopped, explain the wrong behavior and your feelings about it.
3. Suggest to fix the situation: wipe up the spilled, repair the broken, sew up the torn. For kids - together with you. For the older ones, as an option - to reimburse material value: to work (clean up the house, pick up the younger brother from school / kindergarten - the main thing is that this is in addition to the child's permanent responsibilities), find a way to earn money (develop an earnings plan and implement it - in modern It's not that hard in the tech world).

Understanding our children to us, and let them grow up as worthy people with a sense of self-sufficiency and confidence. And the belt is not our assistant in this matter.

Why you can't beat a child, watch the video - consultation of the psychological service:

When a child appears in a family, parents promise themselves to take care of him and never offend him. But this is not easy to implement, because growing up, children begin to test the patience of adults with disobedience and pranks. In such a situation, many dads and mothers think about the use of physical punishment and ask themselves the question - to beat the child or not to beat as a punishment for misconduct?

Spanking with a belt or hand on the butt is one of the most popular educational measures and parents using this method do not see anything reprehensible in it. Is physical punishment really safe and easier to educate? To understand this, consider its impact on the child, as well as the possible consequences.

Why do many consider it common to raise children with slaps and slaps?

There are several reasons for parents to use force:

• "Hereditary" factors. If a dad or mom in childhood themselves were subjected to physical punishment, the question of whether it is possible to beat children for the purpose of education often does not even arise. They are sure that this is the only correct and possible method of influencing the child, which will well consolidate the information received during the instructive conversation.
• Another motive for hitting a child is the removal of their own negative emotions from failures, resentments, problems at work. It happens that children simply fall into a hot hand, because there is no one else to vent anger on.
• Sometimes the reason is a reluctance to waste time on long conversations and repeated repetition of rules of conduct. After all, it is always easier to slap the pope than to explain to a child that he was wrong and to understand the reasons for what happened.
• Sometimes they turn to physical punishment from despair. When parents' knowledge of parenting is insufficient and an approach fails, the use of force seems to be the only way to deal with the "little monster."
• Instability of the psyche. People with unresolved psychological problems or any mental abnormalities can beat children and take it out for no apparent reason. After that, having calmed down, the parent who hit the child regrets his behavior, but still cannot control himself. In this case, a study of the problem with a psychologist or other specialist is required.

What is physical punishment?

Using physical punishment does not necessarily mean beating a child. All influences with the use of force fall under this concept - rough pulling of hands or clothes, pushing, cuffs, force-feeding, or, conversely, deprivation of food.

It doesn't matter if the parent picks up the belt or uses other available means (towel, slippers, etc.). Any actions aimed at causing pain, demonstrating their power and physical superiority, leave their mark on the soul of the child.

Can children be beaten?

How to beat a child correctly and is it worth doing it at all? Parents' opinions on this issue are very different. Some are completely “for” physical punishment within reasonable limits, others - find a lot of arguments “against”.

The following facts testify to the use of milder measures of education:

• Any methods of physical influence do not contribute to better assimilation of information. In childhood, a person's ability to store memories is less developed, so the punishment and the events that led to it, in any case, are forgotten quickly enough.
• Slaps on the buttocks is a humiliating procedure that causes anger and resentment in a child, which seems unfair to him, and therefore does not at all prompt him to realize his wrongdoing.
• Using physical punishment makes your words less important to the children. That is, if you started to practice this, then everything that had an effect on the child before will cease to serve as a stopping factor for him. This means that you will have to use force over and over again, as other arguments will not be taken seriously.

In addition, the negativity that occurs in children in response to physical punishment often leads to a new wave of disobedience and the desire to do "out of spite". After this behavior, the child is beaten again. This is how the cycle of domestic violence is formed.

Effects

Physical punishment does not go unnoticed for a child. This statement is especially true when it comes to the systematic use of force in education.

Here are some facts to explain why you shouldn't hit children:

• Constant fear of parents, resulting from physical punishment, eventually leads to the development of neurosis. Against the background of it, the child experiences difficulties in communicating with peers, becomes insecure.
• Having matured, such children have a very low self-esteem, which prevents them from realizing themselves in their careers and personal lives.
• The child remembers for life that the one who is stronger is right. In the future, he will use this principle himself, showing cruelty to the weak.
• Children who are violently raised tend to repeat this scenario by starting a family of their own.
• Regular physical punishment reduces the ability of children to concentrate on their studies. So is it necessary to stand over the child with a belt, trying to improve his school performance?
• Each episode of beating alienates the child from his parents, destroying intimacy and trust, and deprives the closest people of mutual understanding. As a result, when the baby grows up, he is unlikely to want to take care of the aging father or mother.
• According to statistics, more than 90% of criminals in childhood were subjected to physical punishment and violence by their parents. And you don't want to raise a maniac, do you?
• The consequence of humiliation in the family is a feeling of uselessness and loneliness. In this state, the child can easily fall under the influence of dubious people who have shown interest in him. The result of this is bad companies, early drinking, drug addiction, and being drawn into criminal gangs.

In addition, in a fit of emotion, it is easy to miss the calculation of strength. A child caught under a hot hand can fall, hit a sharp object and receive serious injuries, sometimes incompatible with life.

How not to hit a child in a fit of anger?

Even spanking is the last measure to be applied. Let's look at a few tricks to help you control your anger in a stressful situation.

First of all, we must try to understand why the child misbehaves. Perhaps this is due to age characteristics () or something provoked it. To beat in such a situation is absolutely useless.

We need to make allowances for the fact that children are just learning to show their emotions correctly. By disobedience, they often protest against any life circumstances, which they cannot yet explain in words, or attract the attention of parents who are too busy with other matters.

If you feel that you can no longer hold back, you need to take a break and turn your attention to activities that help cope with negativity, for example:

• Try to slowly count to 5 in your head.
• Go to another room and tell the child that you will come back a little later. Left alone with yourself, you can crumple up unnecessary papers to release your anger. If you are comfortable with putting things in order, shift things, dust off.
• Eat something tasty.
• Imagine the situation from the outside - is it that important? Think about yourself as a child and your feelings when your parents punished you.
• Taking a warm shower with your favorite gel is also a good way to calm your nerves.
• Use humor more often. Any situation can be defused with a joke and the problem will no longer seem so important.

Of course, these methods do not help everyone. But, if you wish, you can find a suitable solution.

Alternatives

Even if you manage to restrain yourself and not slap the child on the bottom, the problem remains - how then to achieve obedience? Psychologists recommend setting boundaries for children from an early age. Explaining what is allowed, what is not allowed and how to behave in public places is necessary from the moment the child begins to understand speech.

But no matter how well you raise your baby, periodic whims and pranks are inevitable. Explaining the undesirability of such behavior will be more effective than physical punishment. But if the child is hysterical, you need to start talking only when he calms down. Washing with cool water and switching attention to toys helps small children recover.

The conversation should go smoothly, without lisping, but also without pressure. Take an interest in the reasons for the child's action, calmly explain to him why this should not be done, how to fix the situation, and also offer acceptable options for behavior. If such a fault happened for the first time, you can limit yourself to suggestion and warn that next time there will be a punishment (which one).

As educational measures, it is recommended to use non-violent methods of influence - deprivation of games at the computer, going to the cinema or for a walk, pocket money, and the like. It's important to be consistent - if you've promised to punish bad behavior, that's what you should do. Otherwise, the child, feeling permissiveness, will repeat his pranks more than once.

To eradicate unwanted behavior, you need to talk more with children, be interested in their friends and the environment, because many problems can originate there. In addition, the child largely copies the behavior of adults. Think, perhaps, in some way you yourself are setting a bad example for him (shouting, using swear words, not keeping promises). In this case, not only the child will have to work on yourself, but also you.

Asking the question - to beat the child or not to beat, you need to understand that using physical punishment, you sign your own weakness and inability to convey a thought in other ways.

The psychological trauma received in childhood as a result of cruel upbringing can ruin the future of children and irreparably ruin their relationship with their parents. Therefore, before spanking a child, you should think twice and look for a more humane way of influencing.

Useful video on how to punish children correctly