Psychology way out of a love triangle. Love triangle: what to do. From the lover's side

Love triangle is a type of relationship between people that involves romantic feelings two participants in the situation to the same person (independently of each other, secretly, openly or legalized, depending on the structure of society and the level of development moral values from the participants). An open and recognized triangle can be observed in countries and societies where the device family life polygamy is accepted (applicable to both women) or by consent of all parties for whom this type of relationship is acceptable. In such a situation, people do not have problems or questions about how to properly get out of a love triangle.

Trouble begins when this kind of relationship arises in a society adhering to monogamy, and has a close connection with conflict situations, since this state of affairs does not suit at least one of the parties. The course of this depends on the influence of society and the attitudes inherent in it, so a person of completely free views can, under the pressure of the opinions of others, pack his things and leave the triangle, although this situation is quite bearable for him and is in some ways beneficial.

Gender characteristics also influence further actions: in triangles with two men, everything develops more rapidly and ends in failure quite quickly, because in addition to the genetically inherent spirit of competition and struggle for territory, men are raised from childhood with the confidence that betrayal cannot be forgiven. And triangles with two women can be quite durable and stable, because if none of them feels disadvantaged in any way (from financial to emotional support), then no one will leave. In addition, it is customary to feel sorry for women in such a situation, which gives an incidental secondary benefit, and a man who is constantly in light feeling guilt, becomes sensitive, generous and attentive.

The reasons for love triangles are varied, as are everyone's personal needs. This includes the impossibility full manifestation with one partner, fading of feelings or lack of something in a relationship, unconscious attitudes, resistance to finding all the necessary traits in one person, the desire to escape from one’s own.

What to do with a love triangle?

There are several options for dealing with a situation with a love triangle, some are trying to quickly leave such conditions, while others are deliberately thinking about creating a triple relationship, and the difference in behavior will depend on the difference in the reasons for the creation.

The causes of love triangles may be due to a lack of brightness own life(both the triangle and mountaineering will raise the adrenaline level of such a person with equal success), or they may lie in the desire to reduce excess stress and save their own mental strength (breaking up with a previous partner and establishing contact with a new one are energy-consuming activities, but the distribution of one’s nervous tension between two people provides double and constant support).

On the one hand, it seems that the triangle is beneficial to only one participant; in fact, it is a fairly stable figure of relationships that covers the participants. So before you blame your partner, listen to what personal injuries this situation allows you to cover up. This may be the fear of establishing a direct relationship with your partner, and then it is very convenient to transform the anxiety and horror of your own worldview into anger about the presence of a third-party connection. This may be a lack of readiness for serious and meaningful relationships, therefore, a busy person who is not capable of this moment to build something monumental (it often happens that as soon as a person makes a choice between two partners, both leave, because now they have to build a real relationship, and not a demo version, for which there was no internal readiness, resources and experience). This may be a reluctance to make choices and take responsibility, aggravating the situation until the other two participants decide everything themselves (infantile position of avoidance).

A love triangle should push, first of all, to study one’s own mental trauma and resources in order to make the most nutritious decision in terms of energy and mental health in the future - this could be a decision to stay and continue, realizing that if destroyed, you will lose more valuable things, or it could be a decision to immediately leave, as to save your own life and integrity its manifestation.

It is important to keep in mind that in the case of direct and thoughtless elimination of a third participant, the most frequent options The consequences are either the destruction of the tandem relationship, or the emergence of a new third participant. Since the very fact of the emergence of a third participant in a relationship occurs due to the destabilization of the system of relationships, and then the third person, taking on part of the energy, balances the relationship and allows it not to fall apart. Without working through internal conflicts similar situations will return, if not by the appearance of new lovers, then by interfering with the lives of relatives and friends, communicating through children - ways not to meet directly with real person, are endlessly varied.

When clarifying relationships to further determine actions, talk as equals, no matter what role you are in. Accusations, feelings of guilt and shame, reproaches and calls to conscience will be relevant for your neighbors who will want to discuss all the details and make their own “ expert opinion", and there should be an equal dialogue between you, because a family is a system and changing one element is impossible without changing all of them, and everyone is involved in this situation (through their actions or inactions, impulsive reactions or concealing feelings).

Getting out of a relationship that does not bring happiness and has no prospects, including a triangle, even if you feel disgusting within the situation, can be problematic and will force you to face many difficulties added by the participants in the process and your own internal demons becoming actualized.

But there are ways to get out of a love triangle correctly, different for everyone. For someone who has arranged a triple relationship, it is worth deciding which of the participants he needs most. Situations may be different and under the threat of the collapse of everything, it may turn out that the great new love turned out to be just a hobby, or what? previous relationship no longer, or maybe on the most honest level, neither partner is needed. Having decided, act clearly and purposefully, remember that the triangular system strives for constancy, the partner from whom you decided to leave can become extremely charming, or may use threats, provocations and blackmail. You should show perseverance, leave once, without forgetting things, without calling old memory, and especially without running from one to another. It won't end there, it will just begin. Your own mental pain will begin, you will begin to get used to your chosen partner at a new level, overcome trust problems and much more.

For those who were the first permanent partner, it will be relevant to think about what was beneficial for you. It is possible that you have long wanted to end this relationship, but did not allow yourself to leave for no reason, or perhaps you like to play the leading role, against the backdrop of your partner’s guilt. If you decide to break off this relationship, then just leave, and if you decide to destroy the triangle as a type of existence, and the partner himself is still dear and loved to you, then take courage, not expecting that everything will go away on its own, and communicate your reluctance to continue in this way spirit. Then all you have to do is wait for a partner to be chosen, perhaps not in your favor, but this will be a way out of a triple relationship. The important point is to wait calmly (without wringing your hands and feeding borscht) and at a distance (live somewhere else).

If you are involved in a triple relationship, then understand your own motives. If you want from a person serious actions and a future together, it’s worth leaving the triangle by informing him of your reluctance to be in this format of relationship. After this, you stop all interaction and wait certain time(discuss in advance, for example, that a person has two weeks to make a decision and complete things), and then, depending on this choice, you either meet him on the threshold or mark the end of a painful relationship. Try to make a balanced decision and not brush aside the situation, look at your partner as a person who constantly keeps you and your loved one in suspense, think about whether the situation will change fundamentally or whether you will begin to play a different role, also in a triangular figure.

Whatever role you are in, the only thing remains equally important for everyone - if intolerance and a true desire to leave appear (and not a demonstrative manipulative performance in order to increase your importance), you should act as soon as possible. Triangular systems are addictive in their stability, and with every extra day spent there, the opportunities to leave the triangle will decrease, and determination will begin to evaporate into thin air. It won’t be easy, it will be hard, it will be painful and it will be unclear how to live on, but these wounds can be licked, strength can be restored, and life guidelines can be found if you direct your energy not to self-destruction (in trying to wash down your grief with alcohol), but to. Continuing to be in such a relationship, you save energy at this moment, avoiding making a decision, sorting out the relationship, possibly a scandal, but thereby dooming yourself to energy and mental devastation, since simple triple relationships take up significantly more energy in the final calculation than complex but open tandem ones.

The love triangle is a relationship model that, alas, is unlikely to lose its relevance. But if you approach the situation soberly and calmly, each wife from the “weak link” who is being cheated on can turn into the mistress of the situation. This process will be long and at times painful, but no one promised easy ways.

Our March material about star mistresses who became official spouses created a lot of noise. They accused us of everything - promoting adultery, trampling family values, absence women's solidarity, in the end... We will not make excuses: simply because mistresses for centuries have destroyed and continue to destroy seemingly unshakably strong unions.

There is no point in pretending that in our world all marriages are ideal, and mistresses are caricatured negative characters who, as in any fairy tale, remain in best case scenario with nothing.

On our forum there were, are and will be topics that wives start when they suddenly find themselves the “weak link” in their own marriage. “Who is to blame,” they usually don’t ask, although, as psychologists say, this is exactly where we should start. But the question “What to do?” sounds in every way. With him, we turned to our permanent expert, the mysterious Natalya R., the owner of the NR club, which is regularly visited by women who, at one, not at all wonderful moment, became not the only and unloved ones.

In fact we had whole list questions, but in the end we did not interrupt the monologue of our interlocutor, who knows not only the causes and consequences, but also the ways out of the current situation. The proposed strategy allows a woman to return, if not the cheater, then something even more important - self-respect and self-confidence. We give the floor to Natalia R.

Karma has nothing to do with it

“It is customary to blame the collapse of a family on a homewrecker who supposedly appeared in her husband’s life and led him astray, but everything is much more complicated. A mistress appears in a man’s life for several reasons. The most common one: one woman is not enough for him to fill his inner voids, to come to a state of harmony and peace - as I call it, “to feed his inner dragons.”

He receives something important from every woman, and, in turn, there may be several of them - two, three, four. The main thing is that this is how he reaches a state of comfort, and if he has achieved it... He will never get out of this state.

“The world is driven by men for two reasons - laziness and the desire for comfort.”

Another reason for the appearance of a mistress is that there has always been a place for her in a man’s system. Let me explain: if at least once he had parallel relationships with two women and his subconscious gently whispered to him: “You are cool, you can...” - then this scenario turns into a model of behavior.

I sincerely sympathize with those “lucky women” who, using feminine charms, coupled with Machiavelli’s strategic abilities, take men away from the family, victoriously anticipating a cloudless life as a wife.

“They don’t understand that by taking someone else’s place, they are freeing up their own - the place of a mistress. And it won’t be empty for long.”

Karma has nothing to do with it at all. If a man is used to having both a wife and a mistress, he will continue to live according to this scenario, even if characters will change.

“Well, what was he missing?!”

Let's return to the “dragons” that men feed when communicating with women. What do they need so that they don’t have the desire to look for it on the side? It's just five things: calm, comfort, safety, stability, predictability. It will be difficult to take a man who has all this away from the family.

“If a man lacks at least one of these five components, its absence can push the man out of the relationship and into the arms of his mistress.”

With calm and stability everything is clear, with predictability it is more difficult. It is often confused with everyday life - when a wife turns from a beauty into a person who has given up on herself. In fact, predictability is the understanding that everything can change in this world, but the wife’s reactions, support and love will remain unchanged.

A man needs to be surprised, but at the same time he should always feel that he will be accepted, hugged, and enveloped in love. By the way, you need to surprise him with a minus sign, take him out of his comfort zone, so that he strives to return to this zone and appreciate it with renewed vigor.

“The highest aerobatics for a wife is to be predictable in the right sense of the word, but to remain a mystery, a haze that a man wants to follow, despite the fact that you live together and know a lot about each other.”

And further: wise wife never puts pressure on a man emotionally, in no case compares him with other men in the style of “but Vasya...”, does not try to make a decision for him, but always provides him with this opportunity.

Two ways: accept or ignore

So, the moment has come: the wife feels that her man has someone else.
In fact, this is preceded by another important point, when one side, the legitimate one, feels something and starts looking, and the other side really wants to be found...

“Sooner or later they may meet, or they may not. You need to ask yourself the question: “Do I agree to destroy my own relationship now?” If the answer is yes, you understand all the risks, but are ready for anything, then you can go on the warpath with your rival.”

If you are not ready to destroy what is truly expensive, it is better to stop digging. You need to look not for a rival, but for the reasons for the situation - and in yourself, and not in a man or the world around you!

First point compulsory program- pay attention to yourself, look in the mirror, face the truth. If you find out that a man conventionally likes “shameless redheads,” this is a signal primarily for you - try to find something in yourself that is in tune with this image, adjust it to suit yourself.

Next, I recommend making a list with a title that may shock you at first: “What good do I gain from a situation where my husband has a mistress?” No matter how cynical it may sound, even in the most tragic situation there are advantages. In this one - even more so. You feel the need to improve, and therefore become better.

Next you should ask the question “Why am I in this relationship?” Both of these lists are powerful and help bring order to your thoughts and feelings.

“Summary: until the wife raises the topic of infidelity, this situation does not exist for her.”

As soon as the wife indicates her awareness - and it doesn’t matter whether she makes a scandal or quietly cries, she must understand: history will repeat itself and she will eat the same thing with a large or small spoon, depending on the appetites of her husband.

The first way is more environmentally friendly, and there are many more options for the development of events.

And now, pure, immaculate and undefiled by secret fleeting meetings, love turns into sinful and forbidden. So, a love triangle - how to get out of it, is it necessary to get out and how to ward off an opponent or rival?

When I started dating married man, for me at first it was very easy - I did not feel any feelings for him. I thought, well, I’ll take a little walk and quit. All this has been going on for three years now. I fall asleep - I cry, I wake up - I cry. I feel like dying when he leaves. I tried to break up with him several times. They say time heals. But, the more time passes, the more you feel longing for your loved one. I have absolutely no choice: it’s impossible with him, and impossible without him. You have no idea how hard it is to live with this pain in your heart.

We've been dating for 6 years now. All this is bad - I understand with my mind, but I can’t tell my heart. We tried to break up many times! I left for someone else, but it didn’t work out. During this time, a second child was born into the lover's family. My wife knew about me and thought that if she gave birth, he would stop dating me. But we began to meet often. I never interfered with their family and I respect his wife that she never stooped and called me to sort things out. He tells me that for the sake of the children he will live with his wife. He never gave me hope, but at the same time he controls me and is jealous. And I’m very jealous of his wife, we’re all arguing about this! I try not to get hung up on it, I have my own life, he has his own. I hope this will end someday! I don’t want to be a mistress, I also want a family and children. He is selfish and cannot understand that I also want to be happy in my family.

I've always been very strong man, before, not only didn’t she forgive betrayal... she didn’t forgive lies - she kicked her out. But then the man of my dreams appeared, truly the man I dreamed of. When he left his wife - everything was already bad for them and things were heading towards divorce, we immediately began to live together, I also broke up my long term relationship. But it seems that men have a genetic predisposition to “play on the side.” I realized that he was cheating on me. I left and didn’t react to him. But everything was like everyone else, he returned it, promised to stop, but I knew that it would happen again. I took a lover - it doesn’t help, at some point it becomes easier for you. My man even found out about this... He is a terrible egoist and they have never treated him like that. He drank, he cried, he asked me not to leave him. I saw a completely different man, to be honest, I even began to be a little disappointed... But all this lasted about two months, it seems that then he decided to pull himself together and away he went... drinking, partying, disappearing for a day, of course, this mistress. I can say one thing: with age, self-confidence dulls. No one can really help. We need to pull ourselves together, try to become calm and set our priorities. Otherwise, you can say goodbye to your health. The hardest thing is to cope with yourself!

But among lovers there is also the following opinion:

I can only speak for myself, I was always satisfied with the position of my mistress, I never pretended to be more. A man should stay in the family. Moreover, a man should have two women, one beloved, the other - to relax, I myself am married and I know that it will still be like this.

In the same tops, Internet users give advice to girls:

This is only your choice, everything that happens in our lives is only our merit or our omission. Leave him before it’s too late, you’ll ruin the life of his family and your own first and foremost.

You are simply wasting time, robbing yourself of the chance to be completely happy.

Someone else's wife is a white swan, and his own is a black crow

A colleague told me this phrase when I asked him why men cheat on their wives? But let's read what men write on the Ykt.ru forums about how they fell into the web of vicious love:

I am 32 years old, and I am a fully established man, I have everything I need for a happy and carefree life - a wife whom I naturally love very much, children - whom I simply adore, a favorite job - from which I earn a decent amount, receiving from her quite a bit of fun great friends, enough free time for spiritual and physical rest, in a word, it would seem, what else is needed for complete happiness? I sure that family bonds leave a huge imprint on all relationships between spouses, from simple, human communication to intimate relationships. I assure you that we have no complexes, no prejudices, we still enjoy each other very much. Despite 8 years life together, we love each other just as passionately as at the very beginning, but I want something more, it’s hard for me to explain.

I have mistresses. A mistress is a second youth, it is spring in January, in a word, this is a feeling that you cannot refuse and which you do not have the right to fully surrender to - family, children, circumstances. A mistress is drama, anguish, passion, but don’t confuse lust with feelings!

My sexual relations My conversations with my wife have lost their edge, they have become less frequent, I’m just tired of my wife. I'm tired of everything. There are also these constant scandals between us. And I met someone else. She understands me, sympathizes, is ready to listen and justify any actions. She takes care of herself, unlike her wife, who stopped taking care of herself, dressing up, and putting on makeup. Next to her I feel like a man, I feel happy.

Judging by the tops, it turns out that cheating men, unlike girls-mistresses, are happy in most cases. Nevertheless, forum users advise the heroes this:

You are selfish. In my opinion, you and your wife just need to either talk directly about your desires, or hint to her about it during intimacy, maybe she herself wants changes and is afraid to hint to you about it. Take the first step, otherwise she may find a lover, and the result may be disastrous. You need to make your wife happy, not your mistress or just yourself.
- Be careful, think about the consequences. Mistresses can be vindictive if they don’t get what they want - they lie in wait for children, say all sorts of nasty things, call home, meet with their wives, and so on - this also cannot be discounted.

I also have a loving and beloved family - a wife and son. There is also the experience of pleasant and enriching meetings with women. But, every day, realizing the diversity of life and trying to comprehend, feel and realize it all, you see more and more the one-sidedness inherent in all relationships between people. And I want to take from life and give it as much as possible. But the important thing is this: when trying to live to the fullest, you must not cause pain to your loved ones, otherwise the spiritual connection with them, which makes up a huge part of your nature, will be broken. The options are either to achieve complete understanding of your position from your loved ones, or, in their complete ignorance, to fulfill your intentions, making every effort not to cause them harm. Of course, the personality of the mistress and her understanding and goodwill towards all sides of the triangle are of great importance.

Reasons for cheating according to sexologists and psychologists

There is no passion in the family. It seems that husband and wife are in good relations, comfort, order and cleanliness reign in the house. They rarely even quarrel. The only thing missing in such a family is passion. And to get it, you need to try to create an “alternative family.” The cheater likes this life so much that he doesn’t even think about whether it’s time to get out of the love triangle.

There are problems in the family. For example, a wife is a good cook, but does not know how to present herself in bed. Either the husband is good in bed, but an angry and callous person. To drown out the shortcomings of a partner, you have to have someone on the side.

Indecisive lovers. The relationship started on the side lasted so long that children had already appeared and, in fact, a new family. As a result, there was no strength left for anyone to get out of the love triangle and return to old life. Sometimes it happens that everyone is completely satisfied with everything, and first of all the one who started this whole adventure.

What to do if “horns” grow?

Lovers try to somehow justify themselves, suffer and suffer, but continue to meet. I wonder if other halves are aware of their spouse’s bad behavior? Psychologists believe that they can guess, but due to their capabilities they cannot do anything. The thing is that the intermediary of a love affair is not going to abandon either party. In other words, he’s already doing well.

Here is one of the tops on the local forum:
- I'm looking for advice. What to do if the husband communicates with his mistress and does not want to leave the family? I’ll tell you my story briefly. I found out 6 months ago that my husband has someone else and he loves her. I set a condition - either we or she. He stayed, but he doesn’t want to lose contact with her; they communicate on the phone and possibly meet. I tell him: “Go away forever,” but the answer is the same: “I love my family more than her. She's just like a "friend". How to understand, what to do, what to do?

And traditionally, advice from participants in the online discussion:
- Take it as it is. I'll tell you how I myself understand and do it. And then we will see. For now, enjoy life, do what you love. Men look outside because they are bored. In short, for variety. No matter how much you feed the wolf, it still looks into the forest. That's nature. It’s terrible when young girls break up families, because you can’t build happiness from someone else’s misfortune. Everything comes back like a boomerang.

But I don’t agree that you need to come to terms with it. To come to terms with this situation means to agree that the husband lives in parallel with another woman. Statements about friendship are generally ridiculous. This is a typical case when a man is satisfied with the situation and does not intend to change anything. But this cannot continue either. Come on, honey, stop with your “girlfriends” on the side, now you will be “friends” with me.

Become better than your opponent in every way. Take care of yourself, devote most of your time to yourself. Makeup, hairstyle, even appearance home view everything for yourself, beloved. And if you love, there is no need to drive your husband out of the house. Let him compare and understand who and what he can lose.

Kick him out and let him live with her. Show character, be firm, if he doesn’t respect you in a good way, then let him respect you in a bad way. My husband also considered me a rag, he thought that I would cry and forgive, I would endure - just not to lose, but losing self-respect is worse for me than losing my husband, the father of my child, my family, having the status of a divorcee, the only source of income for subsistence.

In the eyes of your mistress, you look very pathetic. And men generally don’t respect women like you. Because you don't respect yourself. “Because of the children,” you say. Your children will not live your life, and you will not live theirs. It’s up to you to decide: either live on your knees and endure it, or find the strength to get a divorce.

One woman also tried to squeeze into my husband’s and my life. I understood this immediately from my husband’s behavior, but I know my husband well, I knew that he had not cheated, I immediately realized that a kind of hunt had been announced for him, she called him, looked for all sorts of reasons, hinted... I saw his confusion, at phone calls At home he almost flinched, ran to another room and so on. Thank the Gods that I found the strength in myself and did not provoke, did not allow myself to be drawn into this game. Of course, I quietly rang her number, found out all the details, who she was, where she lived, where she worked... It turned out that she was a friend of mine... And I had no doubt that she knew very well whose husband she was hunting for. My husband still doesn’t know this. And I myself immediately began to live my life, I had a lot of things to do, some endless meetings, things to do in the evenings, and quickly regained my former luster. The husband didn’t have to wait long, he started calling more often, nervous anxiety appeared, where are you, who are you with, and so on...

After some time, I had a strange conversation with this lady, she honestly admitted that she wanted to put her hands on me, but it didn’t work out, she said, it turns out he really loves you, she admitted that she was jealous and that she would no longer pursue him. Now I’m even scared to think what would have happened if I had allowed myself to be drawn into this dirty game, if I had started interrogating him, if I had started accusing him of something, suspecting him, hinting, making trouble... It would have worked for him. defensive reaction, firstly, secondly, he would start to get nervous and irritated, I would begin to turn into a vixen in his eyes... And this would push him away from me, and therefore would give that woman a chance. But I’m a strategist and couldn’t give her such a great head start! Of course, in my heart I was very worried, I was outraged to the limit that someone dared to invade my territory, but with all my might I pulled myself together, endurance saved me...

If a man really loves another, then nothing will help, whether you are a bitch, whether you try to be better, whether there are children, an established life, etc., it will still leave sooner or later.

Advice from psychologists: How to get out of the trap?

Getting out of a love triangle is not so easy - let’s turn to the advice of psychologists:

To the one who changed

The cheater must first ask himself this question: “Why do I need all this? What attracts me so much to these non-standard relationships?. Of course, the reason for the folded triangle may be strong love, but often passing fancy develops into addiction when the mistress (lover) begins to blackmail and do everything to make the person stay.

After at least an approximate answer has been received, you should ask yourself another question: “Which of them do I need most?” Understanding this is not easy, but it is necessary. It’s clear that you will like both, and in order to choose the one you need to make a list of positive and negative qualities each partner. It is also worth mentally imagining yourself with one or another partner. Compare internal sensations.

Now the last thing left to do is to finally decide on the choice, and it should be directed only towards one partner.

Some small tips to those who decided to get out of the love triangle:
Do not pay attention to the provocations of the offended and abandoned party. Threats, tears, screams and much more may be directed in your direction. Even if you have children, this is not a reason to continue the relationship.

If you are planning to leave, then leave completely. There is no need to return for a forgotten notepad or, out of habit, dial the number already ex-partner. Try to pick up all your things at once so that you don't have a reason to come back again.

Don't drown out the emptiness and pain alcoholic drinks and trips to entertainment venues. The best remedy surviving a separation means devoting all your strength to strengthening the family in whose favor the choice was made.

To the one who was deceived

To get out of a love triangle, you don’t need to hope that everything will resolve itself. Maybe yes, maybe not. It is unlikely that you will want to become the hero of yet another joke, and enduring your partner’s “second family” is not the most pleasant thing. So, having learned about betrayal, you should not throw scandals and hysterics. In a calm atmosphere, inform your partner that you do not intend to be part of family triangle and invite him to make a choice in favor of one of the parties.

To the one with whom you cheated

Say "Stop"! Yes, you fell in love, yes, everything is fine with you, but it was you who caused the love triangle, and only in your hands is it possible to break this figure.
Talk to your partner. Explain to him that you can no longer live like this and are ready to get out of the love triangle if he does not make a decision in favor of one. If such a relationship for you is just a way of self-affirmation, warn your partner in advance that your relationship is not obligatory to anything and that you are not ready to meet him on the threshold of an apartment with suitcases. This is necessary so that your significant other does not make plans for the future, because without prospects, love does not exist for a long time.

Cheating is forbidden sweet fruit, and everyone will decide for themselves whether they want to eat this fruit or not. But, having decided to cheat, think about what the consequences may be, and remember - by cheating on your partner, you are cheating on yourself first of all!

Triangles in relationships are very common, much more common than many of us suspect. Moreover, they can be both in a couple’s relationship and in other relationships, for example, friendships or between relatives. But, without a doubt, they are most painfully lived in the relationship between a man and a woman.

It doesn’t matter what this triangle looks like: a man has a mistress or a woman has a lover, its roots are always the same: the couple lacks some quality of energy, and it comes through a third person.

If you know first-hand what it’s like to be in a group of three, then you should know how painful it usually is – for some, more, for others, less. And if threes are constantly spinning in one way or another in your life (in any combinations), then it’s time to think that it’s time to look at this situation differently.

In essence, there is really only one way to get out of the constant repetition of triangles - to stop considering someone in this trio to blame for the events that are happening. Otherwise, if you judge someone in this relationship, you will either have to take that side yourself one day, or repeat and repeat this situation endlessly until you understand something.

At first, when you are still a little girl, you will hate and be jealous of the third friend who, in your opinion, “got into” your relationship with your friend, then, when you grow up, you will begin to blame the colleague who appeared in your office, because before you you sat alone with a friend and you felt good, and then you will also aggravate the situation by hating and condemning the woman who became your husband’s mistress. In fact, these are the same situations, talking about one thing - the energy of triangles is relevant in your life.

I am not advocating that everyone walk left and right, but I want to draw attention to the fact that three people always participate in the creation of a troika and this should never be forgotten. You can’t blame everything on just one person, or even on two – I repeat once again – in the formation of a triangle there is responsibility on all three sides. Even if one party does not know anything, this does not mean that he is not responsible.

In order to get out of the constant repetition and playing of triangles, you need one necessary and very difficult thing to do: modern man, condition. Three people, in order to connect and leave the trio, no matter what it is, must feel love for each other. It’s hard to imagine - a person is such a sick creature that telling him about love for a rival practically means that you are publicly declaring yourself crazy. What kind of love?? The third party can be hated, harassed and pushed out, but never loved. A person is too preoccupied with owning everything, including another person, and if he fails to do this, he begins to hate everyone who interfered with him.

But unfortunately, if you try to forcefully kick out a third party, you are not changing the situation. By throwing her away, you yourself lose contact with her - just as you lacked this in your relationship, so this will not be enough. Nothing has changed - you are simply controlling the situation, not changing it.

When all three of you love or at least try to understand each other, then no one tries to shift responsibility onto the other person, and then unification is possible. All three people can come together and see that all three of them created a triangle, that they could not exist separately. Two people could not completely fill each other, which is why the third link appeared. If we are talking about a threesome woman-man-woman, then it very often happens that a man has someone on the side, and the wife, having learned about this, leaves her husband, but then with her mistress, after the wife leaves, nothing more either folds up. Or, if on the contrary, the mistress leaves, the relationship with the wife is also broken off, or a new woman on the side. This happens because all of them at the moment can only exist as three of them - together they lack something - something important. But even if these people get together, but do not understand the situation, after some time a new third participant usually appears. They really lack something and the mistress or lover is not to blame for this - these two people cannot yet be just the two of them - until they live this situation again and again, removing all assessments in this regard, they will constantly need a third person - on one side or the other.

In order to become a couple without a third party, it is necessary to deal with what continues to keep the third party in our lives, creating so much suffering for us.

The first reason influencing this is jealousy and the desire to possess another person, the second is the reluctance to look at the situation as a whole, to “pull” yourself out of the games of the ego, which convinces you that you are the most suffering and unfortunate link here, the third is the inability to love.

Those who know well what triangles are know how difficult they are to live. Especially if your friends fall into it - a story with best friend slept with your man, or best friend, not letting your wife get bored while you were away, are familiar to everyone and are repeated much more often than we would like. And if triangles are repeated, despite the fact that everyone knows that this is categorically wrong, if they do not disappear with the development of mankind, but are repeated again and again, this can only mean one thing - we do not understand something here, we are acting according to the scheme , which doesn't work. And this scheme has not undergone major changes - we all know that the third person is a fiend, the one who cheats is a pathetic cheater, and the one who is cheated on is the one who suffers the most. We also know that we must fight for our loved one, and by hook or by crook push out the third. And, as I said, despite the fact that this scheme does not work - otherwise there would be no triplets a long time ago - nevertheless, people continue to believe that they will cope with this in the usual way.

Therefore, the first thing you do when you start working with the triangle, if you want to really change the situation from within, is you completely discard all these ideas that were in you before. Secondly, you accept the fact - even if only at the level of knowledge for now - that even if you don’t yet understand what and why this is happening, there is some sense in it. Just trust what is happening - life never works against you, it simply exposes your inner wounds so that they can be healed. Third, no matter how difficult it is, you stop believing your ego, which convinces you that you are worse than everyone else, and this has never happened to anyone. Believe me, it happened! And besides, many many times, humanity constantly lives through situations of triangles. You need to understand that you can always find yourself in a different role, and then all your previous negativity about that third party, whom you so previously condemned, will now be directed against you. It’s just that when you are a mistress, you see so well how bad your wife is and how good she is, and how bad you feel, and when you become a wife, for some reason you completely forget about how bad you felt when you were a mistress. You just very conveniently forget about it. Now you are a real unhappy woman, but then, long ago, “everything was different - these situations cannot be compared,” you say...

The more you judge one side when you are in the position of the offended, the more you will suffer. If you try, even from your knowledge, to try to stop judging another person, you will already begin to change the course of events. And even if the energy of the triangle has already spun, you will nevertheless be able to live it differently, so it will not need to be repeated again in any of its variants. And as I already said, the basis for real transformation is an attempt to understand and look at what is happening differently.