Family relationships and not only. "Everyone in itself" or a broken family. Here are the possible ways to update sexual relations.

Family relations - relations in the family between its members. From the moment of birth, we enter family relationships. Being regulated by law, they take the importance of family legal relations. We are growing, entering into marriage, our children appear. All this is a chain of family relationships and legal relations. They change their shape and subject line, but between them (relations and legal relations) there are general features, rules, rights and obligations of the parties. Where is the edge in their legal regulation?

Before turning to the concept (definition of the concept), family legal relations, consider discussions around the nature and essence of family legal relations.

In the science of family (civil) law, there is no single look at the nature of family legal relations.

In some countries of the Family of Continental Law (Germany, Italy, France, Switzerland), such a branch as family law does not exist at all, and the method of legal regulation of family law is a civil legal method.

In the Russian law, part of the researchers, following the foreign experience and a certain logic of conclusions, do not allocate family relations in a separate type of legal relationship (and a separate, independent branch of law); Other researchers prove the opposite - that is, the independence of family legal relations, which will be discussed below.

So, can we talk about the independence of family legal relations or are they a kind of other type of legal relationship? For the comprehension of truth, refer to the opposite scientific points of view.

For example, a number of scientists identify their confidence-personal character as a key feature of family legal relations. Such a point of view, in particular, adheres to E.M. Vorozheikin. Supporters of this point of view (E.A. Korolev, I.M. Kuznetsova et al.) Refer to the greatest role of moral norms in the regulation of family relations and the predominance of personal non-property relations over property. Family legal relations legislation

Scientists who adhere to the opposite point of view believe that personal relations mainly lie outside the sphere of legal regulation and the legal element is necessary only in the field of property relations of family members. So, for example, N.D. Egorov notes that it is impossible to identify significant differences between the subject of family and civil law. Similarly believes A.P. Sergeyev, noting that public relations, which, although they are called family, are essentially a kind of relations included in the subject of civil law. Thus, supporters of this concept believe that the right family, as well as the right civil, mainly regulates property relations, as they are better amenable to legal regulation, and therefore family legal relations are the essence of civil legal relations.

Indeed, two categories of legal relations are closely adjacent to one another: civil and family. Especially brings them similarity on some subjective and objective features. And those and others are possible as a relationship between citizens. Both those and others, as their basis, can have both property and non-property benefits. But the similarity of these relations is only external. Without personal (personal-trust) relationships, there was no such education as a family, only property relations would remain aside aside as a family and marriage associated with personal-trust relationships. Essentially there are two varieties of public relations, each of which exists as an independent category.

Reaffirm the circumstances, the following provisions are confirmed: firstly, the family legislation itself in our country has developed from the very beginning of the existence of family law as an independent industry. For example, in Article 2 of the State RSFSR, 1964, it was stated that family relations are governed by family legislation.

Secondly, public relations settled by family law normally add up on another basis - on the basis of blood bonds. Not possession of those or other specific property objects predetermines the nature of public relations of people in this field of social activities, and the connection of one with another on the basis of origin from one of the other. Personal relations of people in this area of \u200b\u200blegal relations are the main prevailing. It is about this that the SC of the Russian Federation says (paragraph 1 of Article 1) - family legal relations - relations built on the feelings of mutual love and respect, mutual assistance.

Being settled by legal norms, these social relations accounted for a special independent area of \u200b\u200blegal relations. The main thing in this field of activity is the regulation of the conclusion of marriage, relations between spouses and children, relations divorce, relationship between relatives and other relations of a personally related nature. The forms that are produced to regulate property relations are not enough, since they receive limited use. There is a need for special standards. Depending on the stage of human history, these norms are either combined by those sectors that regulate property relations or stand out in an independent branch of legislation.

In addition, the consistent analysis of Article 2-4 of the SC of the Russian Federation allows us to conclude that family legal relations are a special type of legal relationship, civil legislation to which subsidiary applies. According to L.M. Pchelftseva, the basis for the application of civil legislation to family relations is associated with the strengthening of the contractual began in the family law ... The decisive principle in resolving the issue of the relationship between civil and family legislation is the relationship to family law as an independent branch of law ... a more preferable is the position according to which civil law is more preferable. It can be applied to family relationships as a relationship regulated by another branch of law, i.e. In the order of subsidiary use.

The fact that the goals and objectives of family legal relations are also talking about the difference that the goals and objectives of family legal relations, in contrast to civil legal relations, such that they cannot be achieved at all as a result of one act, like, for example, a contract of sale, exchanges, donations in civil law. It is unthinkable to create a family, the conclusion of marriage, the upbringing of children as an act of such a one-time action. On the contrary, the target nature of any of the family legal relations necessarily implies the duration in the relationship between participants in family legal relations.

Thus, Russian legislation considers family legal relations as a special type of legal relations, which should be distinguished from civil legal relations.

At the same time, it is necessary to clearly distinguish between family and civil legal relations. As noted, E.M. Vorozheikin Family legal relations are based on a certain range of actual public relations. Properties of these actual social relations, moving to legal and report specific qualities inherent in them. However, family legal relations are the result, a consequence of the settlement of such actual public relations with the norms of family law. As a result of the settlement of the norms of other industries, the rights of relationships between the same subjects of family legal relationship does not occur. For example, the legal relationship between spouses about the property belonging to them is civil-law, but not family-legal, although legal relationships in this case are participants typical of family law.

It is necessary to distinguish family legal relations and related administrative (public) legal relations. Namely, issues of the regulation of family legislation are excluded issues related to the registration of civil status acts: the birth, the conclusion of marriage, adoption (adoption), the establishment of paternity, the change of name (surname, patronymic and actual name), the death of a citizen, as well as general provisions The procedure for the production of their registration by the registry offices, the order of correction, cancellation and restoration of records of acts of civil status. Administrative and legal norms on these issues were codified in a separate legislative act of the Federal Law on Civil Acts.

So, what should be understood under family legal relations?

Family legal relations are relations built on the feelings of mutual love and respect, mutual assistance. It is about this that the SC of the Russian Federation (paragraph 2 of Article 1) says.

Family law regulates the special type of social relations - relations between people in connection with the entry into marriage, the creation of the family, the birth and raising children. Such a conclusion follows from the analysis of Article 2 of the RF IC.

It will not be quite true to the following definition of family legal relations as relations settled by family legislation.

In this regard, it is important to focus on the difference between family legal relations and legal relations settled by the norms of family legislation, and in the first place of the RF IC. Family legal relations in their accurate meaning are subject to family and legal regulation of the relationship between family members in the sociological understanding, as well as between the relatives of the first and second degree of kinship.

Along with these relations, the RF IC regulates also closely adjacent to them, but other relations in their nature. In such respects, as a rule, publications are parties, for example, the administration of the organization. Thus, the death of parents of the child generates the emergence of legal relations about its device, within the framework of which the relevant local governments and state authorities commit actions to place a child in the way that the interests that meets its interests. This legal relationship is organizational and is administratively legal.

It is necessary to stop at the difference in the concepts of "family legal relations" and "family relationships". The last category is much wider, because Includes not only the relationship of family members settled by the norms of law (family law), but also the relationship between these subjects, which are not amenable to regulating the law, but are regulated, rather morally, household standards, traditional and cultural factors.

The key concept constituting the basis of family legal relations is the concept of a family. Despite the fact that the legislator does not determine the concept of a family, its meaning and paramount importance is carried out through absolutely all the provisions of the Family Code. In paragraph 1.st.1 of the RF IQ, it is enshrined that family, motherhood, paternity and childhood in the Russian Federation are under the protection of the state.

The concept of a family has long remained in the science of family law by discussion. Without going into the creature of contradictions, we note the following.

The concept of a family has a sociological, not legal nature. The family is defined as a free, private and inviolable primary cell of society. In legal acts, and, above all, in the RF IC, the concept of a family is associated with the establishment of a circle of family members that form its composition.

In the Russian legal doctrine, the family is defined as a circle of persons related to personal non-property, as well as property rights and obligations based on marriage, kinship and adoption of children for education.

Family legal relations arise between family members, that is, between spouses, parents and children, grandfather (grandchildren) and grandchildren, sisters and brothers, stepfather (stepmother) and steps (stepdaughter), as well as between persons who have accepted children (adoptive parents , guardians, trustees, adoptive parents, actual educators) and children accepted into their families. At the same time, the relevant rights and obligations arise in the cases specified in the RF CK and if there are conditions established by them.

Family, as much in this word! Well, when there are close people who are capable of supporting various life situations. But not always the relationship between relatives add up perfectly smoothly, often there are disagreements, sometimes so serious that native people become strangers to each other.

The psychology of the family and family relationship is quite young and as long as a little studied area of \u200b\u200bpsychology science. But, nevertheless, in recent years, this topic is actively developing, and many families are preserved with experienced psychologists who help solve most family problems.

It is difficult to overestimate the relevance of the development of the psychology of family relations and families. In recent years, dysfunctionality and conflict in families are growing. The attention of specialists is chained to problems in marital life in order to correct relations between spouses and prevent mental disorders and nervous diseases associated with within family problems.

"All happy families are equally the same, every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."

Unfortunately, the statistics of divorces grow every year, and in many cases people parted due to the fact that they could not find a common language and failed to solve conflicts at that stage when the situation was not critical. The psychology of family and family relations is actively developing due to the general deterioration of the psychological atmosphere in a large part of families.

Initially, family life disadvantages of a person are perceived as a cute features that give the beloved personality, but over time they begin to annoy. Filming up relationships and mutual reproaches will make the situation in the family only worse. You need to learn how to build a constructive dialogue, find the right words and prevent situations when the conflict becomes inevitable. From whether people can perceive and love a person as it is, to adapt to his character, and sometimes just learn to close the eyes on the flaws of a beloved depends, whether they will be able to live long and happily.

The difference between happy families and unhappy in most cases is, some couple are fighting for their families, others prefer to sail downstream. Often, young people at the very first difficulties are running around the corners and are waiting that the accumulated problems will be solved by themselves.

When the disagreements between spouses can be called insurmountable and in the case when they can no longer solve their problems, it probably makes sense to turn to a specialist, an experienced psychologist.

The psychology of relationships in the family focuses on studying the patterns of relations between family members and often the root of problems should be found precisely in the very perception by the person of family relations as such. Often, disagreements between partners may be that they perceive differently and see the concept of family and their responsibilities in it.

Experts explore both the ethnopsychology of family relations, since sometimes the disagreements between partners in family matters are related to the peculiarities of the education environment, it mainly concerns inter-ethnic mixed marriages. Sometimes such pairs are very difficult to find a common language, since people are literally "from different worlds."

My family is my castle.

In order for your family to be your fortress, both people should not only take, but also give. It is impossible to "pull the blanket for yourself" and navigate only for your desires and needs.

Psychology and ethics of family relationships are closely intertwined with each other. A joint life largely depends not only on mutual love, but also from the psychological, moral and household culture of spouses. If people are mutually interested in creating and maintaining stable family relations, you need to build them exclusively on trust and deep mutual respect. Only in this case the couple will be able to create, and the main thing to maintain a harmonious and solid family and be a full-fledged cell of society and simply happy people.

On the network, folk wisdom wanders: the family is a small country in which Pope - President, Mama - Minister of Finance, Minister of Health, Minister of Culture and Emergencies in the Family. Children are a people who constantly require something, indignant and suits strikes. As they say, in every joke there is some truth. Is this family relationship formula really suitable for most people or is not such a generalizing, how do we think? And what is the characteristic of the family relationship in this case will be the reference?

It is said that each of the happy families is unhappy in their own way. After all, the truth is, there are some characteristics of family relationships, thanks to which we feel in a circle of our relatives calmly and harmoniously. However, it may be different. There are cases when people designed to become the closest, become the causes of constant stress and dissatisfaction with life.

Various characteristics of the relationship in the family, both between the spouses and between parents and children, really take place. I understood the mechanism of their action and having understood, in which form of relationships are a separate problemable family, you can try to find an output and eliminate the problem.

Characteristics of family relationships

What are the characteristics of the family relationship?

We highlight 7 basic types and consider each of the characteristics separately:

Traditional family

This is the perfect type of relationship. It is rather harmonious and its main characteristic is stability. Love, respect and mutual understanding reign here. Spouses are united in lifestyles. It cannot be said that in such families there is no disagreement, however, all roughness and angles are smoothed here calmly and to mutual pleasure. Such well-coordinated relationships of her husband and wife are the result of their deep respect for each other and care. Such families are most often durable and reasons for this mass. Home is a positive example of a family in which future spouses grew. As statistics show, a child who has grown in a full-fledged family, where love and consent prevails, subconsciously projects such relationships in their future family.

Naturally, most wanted the relationship characteristic of relationships in their families, as described above. However, this manages not everyone. Unfortunately, the traditional family, as a kind of relationship in its pure form, is becoming more and less.

Parental-children's

When one of the spouses, no matter the husband or wife, as a rule, is much older than its partner. Moreover, the age interval between her husband and wife can wash in the most different from seven, up to twenty or more. One of the spouses builds his behavior from the position of a child, irresponsible and capricious, and the other - his pampers, takes care, cares, but also controls, brings up, making all sorts of comments. One of the pair in the role of "adult" imposes all responsibilities to solve most of the everyday problems, ranging from financial support by finishing any organizational issues.

As a rule, this characteristic of the relationship is inherent in very young wives and their wealthy husbands of mature age, or, in the case when weak, infantile and non-independent Yunsians enter into the union with more mature dominant women who are accustomed to the "whole whale to drag on themselves."

Such relationships may cloud to last for quite a long time. This idyll will be collapped only in the case when the spouse - "child" will begin to "grow up." He will gradually become an excessive guardian and constant control. The dominant partner will call only irritation. What will lead to the collapse of such relationships.

Classical tyranny

In the families of this type there is only one person - a strong and powerful spouse - Tirana. The interests and needs of the other family members are not taken into account, the boundaries of their personalities are lubricated, obeying the requirements of the Tiranian dictator.

The dominant spouse or spouse will control every step of any of the family members, pointing home, how to behave what to do how to plan your day. Tiran is methodically and not without pleasure indicates the rest on their shortcomings. He is the only managing family budget, pointing its second half, how to make money.

In such families, it is quite often a manual attribution. Not everyone can feel comfortable for a long time with such a family mistake. Classical tyranny can exist only at the initial stage of mutual love and how long this type of relationships will continue depend on the large number of factors.

Relationship - "Dependence on Dependency"

There are when there are alcoholics, drug addicts, and other dependent categories in the family. In this case, the dependent person subordinates all members of his family, without thinking about their needs and desires. Capped in this family are engaged only by solving the problems of the dependent. Trying from the last strength to pull him out of the abyss, save from a detrimental passion, they unconsciously completely deprive themselves to normal life, sacrifice their well-being.

In such families, there may also be a manual execution, right up to the tragic finals. The family in such cases may be preserved only when the dependent person will have a serious reason once and forever defeat his passion. A happy resolution of such stories is infrequent. Usually, families are destroyed when the patience of the compulsive spouse comes an end.

"Everyone in itself" or a broken family

Such families sometimes seem to be a stranger very prosperous. The boundaries between the spouses are very clearly distributed here. Each of them, practically, lives with its own individual, independent of the partner life, without encroaching on the interests and freedom of the other. Most often, this is a notorious "civil marriage" or a guest marriage, where one partner, rather a woman, considers himself a married, and the second is a man, considers himself free. Less often - on the contrary. Husband and wife can live separately from each other, in different cities, even in different countries.

Such families can exist quite a long time, but also this relationship comes an end. The reasons for breaking are many. Most often, a change in the worldview of one of the partners is happening and the characteristic of their so-called "marriage" changes from its part. Of course, this partner will try to convince his half to reconsider his beliefs and take a look at their family through the prism of his new values. However, this is not always accompanied by the preservation of the family.

Friendly relationships (brother-nursing)

It sounds promising, however, such families are at least the rest are doomed to the gap. It would seem that her husband and wife have excellent mutual respect, common interests, some kind of overall work or goal to which they go. They are not bad to understand each other without words. But, brother-nursing relationships exclude mutual attraction between partners, a carnal passion. There is no place for sex. Therefore, the collapse in such a family comes more often when one of the spouses find a man who causes a storm of emotions, a sexual desire that the current partner was not capable of calling.

Relationship "Fireworks"

There both spouses are quite emotional personalities and are not deprived of artistic abilities. Husband and wife constantly compete with each other. This family is a volcano or Italian La Famiglia. In this relationship, no one wants to give up. As Svyatoslav Vakarchuk sing: - I will not give up without a fight! Here all problems and misunderstandings are solved by loud scandals. Student clarifications of relations are not surprised. Any "fountain scenes" here become the property of neighbors and is put on their strict and not always an objective court.

However, after a turbulent quarrel, the same eccentric reconciliation occurs. Husband and wife got a good emotional discharge, as they say, fastened, splashing their negative. And now, as if nothing had happened, they are ready to live further, to a new quarrel that will not wait long. The most interesting thing, each of the partners considers his family quite prosperous and does not complain about bitter fate.

How long can such a family exist? Yes, quite a long time. Both spouses, as if feeding each other with their emotions and live quite harmoniously, as it seems to them, however, it is worth asking the opinions of their neighbors who who only do not speak: viewers, arbitration judges, a ram and ambulance together together. Are these unfortunate endurance people who are forced to endure all this fireworks of emotions? And whether they will not want to once again stick into these stormy clarifications of relations, saving one of the spouses from the other, giving them or still to reconcile himself, either to kill each other, so that the long-awaited silence finally come in their home?

Types of relationships and their influence on children

Each of the characteristics of family relationships, of course, imposes its imprint on the mentality - mental, moral and mental development of a child who grows and develops in families with the above classification.

In families with any disharmonic signs, the likelihood of the fact that these features of your relationship will make serious harm to the psycho-emotional and moral development of your child. His and without the fragile children's psyche will be distorted under the influence of unhealthy relations in the family, underpowering irreparable consequences and causing serious mental injuries.

So the child who has grown in the Tiran family can develop tendency to sadizm, mental disorders of various classification. While, in a traditional family, where relationships are close to ideal, as a rule, a calm, balanced child will grow, with a normal self-esteem, which will subsequently develop into a successful self-sufficient person.

The dependence of the nature of the education environment

Among the factors affecting the viability of the family and their prosperous existence, it is allocated: the level of education, the formation of partners, grafted life guidelines, moral beliefs and principles, that is, the characteristics that husband and wife receive from their parents who are an example for them. From whether all the above conditions coincide with the possibility of a family to move in one direction, to a constructive solution of conflict situations, to its harmonious existence and development.

As a rule, almost none of the above types of family relationships are not found in nature in crystal clear form. So, the characteristic of the traditional family is often mixed by brother-nursing relationships, and co-dependent relationships, it is encountered that the appendices are poisoned by manifestations of tyranny. This naturally complicates the task of a psychologist, who will have to solve the problem of adjusting the relationship of a separate family. Complete, but does not make it impossible. Therefore, for the sake of harmonious and comfortable existence of your relationship, you can and need to contact a competent specialist. As they say, the road is asset going. Therefore, recognizing in your family union alarming signs of disharmony, try to quit all the strength to bring your relationship to the level of happy. Yes, this is not a simple thing, but the game is worth the candle.

Relationships in the family

Family is the most important thing that there is a child!
It is difficult to raise children in a complex modern world. Problems of workload at work are affected by parents, and this, in turn, reflects on children.
All parents raise children to the best of their skills and understanding of life, rarely thinking about why in certain situations do so, and not otherwise. At the same time in each family there are times when the behavior of the beloved child puts an adult in a dead end. And parents from time to time make mistakes.
By how, the family affects the child, it is possible to conclude, in which environment it grows: a favorable, controversial, disadvantaged. The norms of behavior, the nature of the relationship between people, the value orientation, the child absorbs, above all, in the family.
If it is loved, they are considered, they talk to him, play, then it is open to communicate, energetic, inquisitive, healthy, happy, the development of intellect, feelings, will actively occur. But, unfortunately, not always, but more often the child's personality is at all.
In the family in children, self-consciousness and self-esteem are born, the image "I" is formed, the first social norms and rules are assisted.
Family relationships - This is a special type of people's interaction. People interact on different bases. It can be household, business, professional, personal, intimate, sexy and other interactions. In the family, they all focus on the "small space" of family relations. By virtue of the proximity and everyday interaction, these relationships are specific and very different from the same in nature, but inherent in someone else's relations of relations who permeate our entire lives.
Describing the relationship between family members, turn to psychology. In modern social psychology, you can find different types of relationships between people. This is cooperation, competitiveness, parity, antagonism, competition. The names themselves determine their essence.
Cooperation - The most productive type of family relationship. In this case, all family members are associated with moral and spiritual uzami. Understanding, mutual support, mutual respect - these are the main elements of interaction between its members. As a rule, all generations are interconnected, regardless of whether they live together or separately. And this is primarily the spiritual connection. It is such a connection that assumes help in raising young family members and moral and material support for the elderly family members.
Competition in the family under moral conditions is an excellent type of relationship, since it activates, first of all, the young generation for mastering the knowledge and skills necessary for life. Waiting for the results of activities, their comparison made in a friendly manner develops the potential of all family members who master new activities.
Competition can also have a positive shade, if its main goal is a friendly rivalry. A person who has ambitions, brought up in the moral and spiritual world of the family, cannot turn competition in the "survival of the strongest." But if family members want to dominate, regardless of whether they have the necessary potential for this prison, such competition leads to the suppression of one family member to others.
Antagonism is considered as a sharp contradiction between family members. As a rule, he leads to misunderstanding and conflicts. Of course, family members who are forced to live together, "humble" with the proposed circumstances. But it is only for a while. At any convenient case, the contradiction is sharpened, and the family goes to a new round of intra-family conflicts.
It is characteristic that there are families in which one type of relationship is perfectly and clearly manifests itself. In other families, these types may be in a transition face. For example, collaboration may include elements of healthy competitiveness and competition. And parity easily goes into antagonism. Of course, the most favorable for the development of the family is the type "Cooperation", but also L.N. Tolstoy in his famous novel "Anna Karenina" said that "all happy families are similar to each other, and unhappy - unhappy in their own way." Without trying to argue with the classic, however, I want to notice that the circumstances forming both happiness and misfortunes are different. So, we can with the complete share of confidence to say that there are no similar families. Each family has its own skeleton in the closet, but the difference is that some know how to overcome adversity, to withstand destructive forces, and others cannot be. Parents can give the world of a happy, successful and healthy person who can learn, create, act. And they can ruin, limit and not give even a small chance to somehow try, to express yourself. The upbringing of the baby, perhaps, can be considered a peculiar philosophy of a separate family. Methods and principles of education have the most significant impact on the formation of a small person's personality, and therefore on his health and social success in the present and especially in the future.
U A.Ya. Varga, V.V. The parental relationship is understood as a system of various feelings in relation to a child, behavioral stereotypes practiced in communicating with him, the peculiarities of the perception and understanding of the nature and personality of the child, his actions. Their classification consists of five scales.
Acceptance-rejection. Scale reflects an integral emotional attitude towards a child. The content of this pole scale: the parent like the child as it is. Parent respects the individuality of the child, sympathize with him. Parent seeks to spend a lot of time with the child, approves his interests and plans. On another Pole scale: the parent perceives his child is bad, unsuitable, unsuccessful. It seems to him that the child will not succeed in life due to low abilities, mental limitations, bad inclinations. For the most part, the parent is experiencing anger, annoyance, irritation, insult. He does not trust the child and does not respect him.
Cooperation. Socially desirable image of a parental relationship. Content, this scale is disclosed in this way: the parent is interested in the affairs and plans of the child, trying to help him, sympathizes him. The parent appreciates the intellectual and creative abilities of the child, is feeling pride for him. He encourages the initiative and independence of the child, tries to be with him on equal. The parent trusts the child, tries to stand at his point of view in controversial issues.
Symbiosis. The scale reflects the interpersonal distance in communicating with the child. With high points on this scale, we can assume that the parent is committed to symbiotic relations with a child. Content this trend is described as follows: the parent feels like a child with a single whole, seeks to satisfy all the needs of the child, to protect him from the difficulties and trouble of life. The parent constantly feels anxiousness for the child, the child seems to him little and defenseless. The alarm of the parent increases when the child begins to autonomy due to circumstances, since according to his will, the parent does not provide a child of independence.
Authoritarian hypersocialization. Reflects the form and direction of monitoring the behavior of the child. With a high baller on this scale, authoritarianism is clearly visible in the parental relationship. The parent requires a child of unconditional obedience and discipline. He tries to impose a child in all his will, unable to stand on his point of view. For the manifestation of a child and severely punished. The parent is closely following the social achievements of the child, its individual characteristics, habits, thoughts, feelings.
Little loser. Reflects the features of perception and understanding of the child by their parents. With high values \u200b\u200bfor this school in the parental attitude of this parent, there are aspirations of infantotize the child, attribute to him personal and social inconsistency. Parent sees the child with junior compared to the real age. Interests, hobbies, thoughts and feelings of the child seem to parents with children, frivolous. The child seems to him unsuitable, unsuccessful, open for bad influences. The parent does not trust her child, annoyance and ineptness. In this regard, the parent tries to protect the child from the difficulty of life and strictly controls his actions.
There are special relationship between parents and children literally from the first day. And they will never be similar to any other relationships. The child is always emotionally dependent on his parents, especially from Mom, and therefore he is always "under", while parents are "over". Such a situation of subordination is natural. Perhaps this is the most natural and logical of all possible hierarchies. But from the quality of these relations, from how comfortable to know the baby and parents to be together, the formation of the child's personality and its physical and psychological health depends.
Families are different, Well, if only because they are formed by people with their own unique habits, glances and experience. All family relationships can be divided into several types.
Parents in the relationship of the first type are easily and naturally adapt to the needs of the child. They realize them and give a certain freedom to the development and knowledge of the surrounding world. Simply put, moms and dad are allowed more than prohibit, limiting the freedom of their own chad only the criteria for security, relevance and morality. Children in such families live, you understand, beautiful. As a rule, they develop faster, showing good cognitive abilities and mature behavior skills. Such kids are bold, active, inquisitive, because they are provided with all conditions for development. They are not borne by their parents in vain and literally from diapers are able to build trust and emotional and warm relationships. Such kids are called "loved ones", but at the same time such love does not spoil and does not indulge.
Parents in second type family relations are also easily adapted to the needs of the child, however, because of their own tensions and hyperships, they tend to limit the freedom of the child where a convenient case will be introduced. In such families, parents are not against supporting the initiative and independence of Chad, but at the same time they do not miss the case to demonstrate their own superiority and experience. "Listen to Mom, my mother does not advise!" - dominant and sometimes overwhelming education becomes the principle of relations in a similar family. As for children, they are also easily getting used to such policies. Actually, they have no other way. They are also open, cheerful and initiative, however, mom and dad play a major role in their "independent" behavior. The last word is rarely staying behind the cloth, and he is a great confidence.
The third type of family relationship is dictated by a hypertrophied sense of parental debt in front of a child. In other words, mom is important to act as if according to the instructions. It should be fed three times a day - I will feed three times. Caloric, tasty and just on time. It should be read for the night fairy tale - I will read. However, in such, it seems that the "right" relationship with the child draws attention to the coldness. The lack of bright emotions, the true desire to do something from the soul, and not because it is necessary. Is it worth saying that the crumble feels everything. He tries to make his best to fit to be loved. The baby is nervous, emotionally dependent. The main educational reception in such families is hard control. Love? Yes, it is most often there, but it is so suppressed by all sorts of "necessary" and "so correctly" that there is no time or forces on warm manifestations.
Finally, the fourth type of family relations demonstrates the saddest picture. An immature attitude towards a child of immature and infantile parents is dictated by all anything, except for common sense: the mood, the advice of buddies, selected a five-minute fragment from TV shows or communication on the forum on the Internet ... Parents, especially Mom, behave inconsistent, as if not understanding the essence Own actions and words. The style of education can vary literally daily, moving from absolute connivance and hysterical love for hard total control and prohibitions. Of course, in such a family there is the most unfavorable situation for a child and, of course, he cannot be calm, successful and "childish" happy.
As you can see, family relationships are very diverse. Education and climate inside the family affect not only the formation of the personality of the kid, but also on his health. When someone is sick, the attitude changes to this person. He is regretted, guarded, seek to help. And the degree of this assistance directly depends on the severity of the disease. Accordingly, when a child is sick, it cannot leave indifferent his loved ones. All parents are experiencing and nervous about even a simple runny nose in their own beloved Chad.
Conclusion:
At the end, I want everyone to remind the parable: "I lived, the family was in the world. She was not simple. More than 100 people numbered in this family. The family was special - the world and the ladians reigned in that family. Neither quarrel, no swag, nor, God forbid, fights and discord. Rumor about this family to the very lord of the country. And he decided to check whether people are melted. He arrived in the village, and his soul rejoiced: the circle is purity, beauty, prosperity and peace. Good children, calm old men. Vladyka was surprised. I decided to learn how the inhabitants of the village achieved such Lada, came to the head of the family and asked: "Tell me how you seek such an agreement and peace in your family?". The head of the family took a sheet of paper and began to write something. Having finished writing, he passed the leaf of Lord. He took the paper and began to disassemble the doodle the old man. Disassembled with difficulty and surprised. Three words were inscribed on paper: "Love, forgiveness, patience." And at the end of the sheet: "love a hundred times, a hundred times forgiveness, a hundred times patience." I read Vladyka, scratched, as usual, behind the ear asked: - And all?
"Yes," the old man replied, "this is the basis of the life of any good family," and, thinking, added, "and the world too."
All parents, we wish love, forgiveness, patience and peace!

Appendix number 1.
Tips parents
1. Love your child, and let him never doubt it.
2. The main goal of upbringing is a happy man.
3. Education without respect - suppression.
4. Take your child as it is, with all its advantages and disadvantages.
5. Recommend to the best in the child, believe in its capabilities.
6. Strive to understand your child, put yourself in his place.
7. Create conditions for the success of a child, let it be able to feel strong, skillful, lucky.
8. Do not try to implement your unfulfilled dreams and desires in the child.
9. Do not look for the magic wand: education should be systemic.
10. Remember that they are not elected, but a personal example.
11. Do not compare the child with other children, especially do not put them as an example.
12. Please note that every child is unique and unique.
13. Valine the trust of your child, take care of his secrets, never betray the child.
14. Children should be better than us, and they should live better.
15. Remember that you are responsible for the upbringing of your child.
*****
Do not demonstrate our child eye pollities and sensitivity. Very soon, he will begin to imitate and act, first of all, in relation to you.
Do not rude and do not twist yourself. Your habit will become the habit of your child.
Do not talk about other people's people bad and disrespectful. If you show this example to your child, wait for it very soon he will say the same thing about you.
Be tactical to other people. This is a lesson to your child and humanity.
Do not be afraid to apologize to someone in the presence of my child. At this point, you do not lose anything, only acquire respect for your child.
Remember that behavior is a mirror in which the true appearance of everyone is reflected!
*****
Parental power in combination with love sets certain boundaries that help the child make the right decision, make an independent choice.
Love. Tenderness and affection give children confidence that they love them.
Attention. By paying children time, you show them what they need you.
A responsibility. Your example, you learn children to be responsible, discipline-baths, to keep yourself in your hands.
Admiration for girls and pride for boys develop a sense of self-esteem.
Unconditional love develops confidence in itself and gives a sense of security.
*****
Each child from the first days of life takes his first, and therefore the most important school: family school. And you are the first, most important and fateful teachers. Do not miss the time when your children believe that parents know everything. Do not deceive their trust!
Help the child who he, whose he, from where, what was born, what should be as a creature is reasonable.
In the word, tell your child, show your example: do not create evil, do not make a bad act quite simple, if you live according to the principle: do it with others, as I would like to come with you.
In a word and example, help make sure: everyone is able to make a miracle - a little life to someone in its surroundings, a little bitple, warmer, more comfortable.
Exercise your child in sympathy, in complicity, encourage your example to good deeds. Help to understand and love your home, the way of his life, its orders and traditions.
Help your child to love the land on which his house stands, on which his ancestors went and left her inheritance.
Dear Parents! It is difficult to overestimate the role of the family and especially the parent school in the education of a person. Remember: Who is blind at home, he will see nothing for his walls.

Each family is a small socio-psychological group, which is developing on the basis of deep intimate and trust relationships between spouses, parents and children. Its social activity, the structure, the moral and psychological atmosphere depend not only on the general conditions and patterns, but also from those specific circumstances in which the family is formed, lives and functions. Among these circumstances - the level of education and culture of family members, the financial situation, the traditions and values, which they adhere to and are focused on their life plans and aspirations, place of residence, social affiliation of the family, the moral beliefs of spouses, from which the family's ability largely depends to consolidation and cohesion. All these circumstances inevitably impose a mark on the nature of relations in the family, determine the specific specifics of family relations.

Family structure and functions. Families are big and small. The modern family in most countries belongs to the number of small. Big families today have been preserved only in the form of peculiar federations of small. At the same time, a small marital family is usually firmly related to the families of his wife's parents and her husband, although young families support relationships and families of other relatives of each of the spouses.

On average, the family includes 3-4 people, and the difference between urban and rural families is insignificant.

The kernel of each family make up her husband, wife and their children. Often the parents of the spouses live with them. Every member of the family, being in constant interaction with its other members, plays a certain role in it, cares about the satisfaction of certain needs of each and the whole family as a whole, as well as the interests of society. Personal qualities of spouses, the nature of the relationship between them determine the appearance of the family and the specifics of the implementation of the functions inherent in it.

Communication in the family provides coherence and focus of the efforts of spouses to achieve certain goals important for the family, as well as to meet the individual needs of the person in spiritual intimacy with a loved one. In the course of such communication, the spouses are exchanged in secret and significant information only for them, competing, even better understand each other, enriched intellectually and morally. Spouses spiritual communication is inextricably linked with intimate.

The family is a socio-economic cell, within which household and family budget is maintained, the acquisition of either the production and organization of consumption of various kinds of products and services, meeting the need for food, clothing, dwelling, etc. The implementation of this economic function falls first of all on spouses. Deep mastering elected professions fully guarantees spouses wages, and families are wealth.

The organization of cultural leisure is one of the most important functions of the family. A characteristic feature of family leisure is the atmosphere of special emotionality, warmth, which allows a person to completely disclose, be sincere. Here is a person among those who know him well, understands and takes such what he is (although it wishes him to be better).

The educational function of the family is of great importance. In the family are born and raised by children. These functions performed by family are extremely important and indispensable. The family takes care not only about their younger members, but also about the elderly elderly. In the family, old people should be in the most comfortable conditions. In need of parents in old age and in the event of disabilities belongs to the right to be on the content of children. Parents are natural guardians of their children. They are obliged to take care of the physical development of children, as well as to protect their rights and interests.

Under the representative function of the family, the behavior "on behalf of and in the interests" of the family in contacts with neighbors, familiar, school, various public institutions.

Marriage "functions" the better, the wider the interaction of spouses. But the composition of functions in a particular marriage may be different depending on the stages of family development and the specific conditions for its existence. Failure to comply with those or other functions may not affect the strength of marriage, if both spouses have lost interest in a certain type of activity. If the interest is lost only by one and the desire of another family to cooperate in any field of family activities, it will not find the necessary response, a permanent source of dissatisfaction with a partner, a source of conflicts will appear.

It also happens that one or both spouse after registration of marriage is trying to keep the idle lifestyle. Then most of the functions remain "unlucky". Marriage in this case exists only nominally.

Social character of family functions. Family is one of those social forces that have a significant impact on social life in fact in all its areas: from the economy to spiritual culture. The core of the social purpose of the family is its ability to create a person, develop its inclinations and public activity, introduce it to society as a productive force and as an organic part of the people, class. It is in the family that says in the CPSU program, "the basis of the nature of a person, its relationship to work, the most important moral, ideological and cultural values" is being formed.

Of course, each individual family can participate in the satisfaction of the relevant needs of society only in the very expensive. But all families together are able to fully satisfy them. In the face of their children, parents want to have and have sons or daughters who are worthy citizens of their country, its future workers and defenders. Performing the functions of the birth and content of children, the family provides quantitative reproduction of the population. Rising his sons and daughters properly, parents participate in the qualitative reproduction and development of the country's population. Through this activity, which F. Engels described as "the production of the person himself", the family and transmits the new generations of public progress relay, communicates.

Unfortunately, we are not always aware of the truly tremendous importance, which has the daily realization of familiar family functions for society. Moreover, sometimes you have to hear that the family outlived herself that it was young to do without her. Agree to this can not. The cancellation of the family would mean the signing of a death sentence and human society. Anti-academic and amoral theorizing on the possibility of replacing the family of the so-called "free" love. True love (just love without adjective "free"), being inextricably connected with the submission of personal happiness, herself can not be free and strictly focused on marriage, family creation. Meetings separately living lovers quickly generate a feeling of deep dissatisfaction and irresistible desire to connect forever. Consequently, the abolition of the family, as well as the replacement of it, not only is not needed, but also impossible. How to strengthen the family and rid it from the shortcomings - this is the only acceptable and decent question of the issue. The decision also implies the improvement of family relations - interaction between family members in the process of implementing family functions.

The value of the personal qualities of spouses, the content and organization of family relations. The state of the family and, in particular, its cohesion or disintegration, primarily depend on the personal qualities of spouses who are written by their life principles, ideological and moral installations. In this regard, the question arises, what is the person in general and the socialist person in particular? Not everyone can answer it with sufficient clarity. In a scientific understanding, a personality is a combination of sustainable socially significant properties of a person. These properties can be positive and negative. The main ones are worldview, beliefs, life plans and goals, the ability to accept and execute decisions. These properties of the individual define its general orientation, as well as the ability to manage themselves, their actions, relate them to the outside world. A necessary condition for the emergence of a truly socialist family is a scientific, Marxist-Leninist worldview of both spouses, that is, the socialist nature of their personalities. For the sake of fairness, it should be said that among Soviet citizens there are people who profess the principles alien to us morally. Their families, although they can be stable, but their main function - to be a full-fledged cell of the socialist society - cannot be performed. Here, in particular, there are in mind family-oriented families, "beautiful life" due to non-educated sources of income, such, let's say how to use official position for the purpose of profit, speculation, small and large embezzlement in enterprises and collective farms, fraud and Dr. Representatives of these families often boast by their "practicality", the "ability to live", but their inner world, like the world of their family relationship, is poor, and ultimately they always pay for the "beautiful life" of the loss of human appearance, and often and often Family collapse, personal tragedies and tragedies of children. In cases where the ideological views of the spouses (or those who want to enter into marriage) are incompatible, the family as a stable cell of society will not arise. The difference in ideologies causes the difference in needs, goals, ideals, and therefore the difference between the actions, behavior, which leads to incompatibility and even hostility. This rapprochement between a man and a woman who adhere to various worldview plants is possible only if one of them is refused or both of their initial positions.

The moral qualities of spouses are important for family relationships. The ability to understand the other, (tolerance, attentiveness, kindness, tact, compassion, etc. Do a person more "suitable" for life in marriage. And on the contrary, evil, touchy, capricious, arrogant, selfish people are the cause of many conflicts in the family, able to destroy marriage.

Spouses should be with the same or at least similar positions to treat moral standards and values \u200b\u200b- such as equality between a man and a woman, mutual respect, justice, debt, responsibility to family and society, etc. Any confrontation in this friend It will only undermine the foundation of their relationship.

The high personality qualities of family members, the organization of relations in the Soviet family suggest their high political culture. It is the higher, the more stable their interest in political events, is more active in participating in the public life of their labor collectives, schools, the district, than not to their attitude towards the bourgeois ideology. It is desirable that reading newspapers, magazines, socio-political literature ended with the discussion of the family reading in the circle, the exchange of opinions. Adult family members should be able to give the correct assessment of the content of radio or telecast on a political topic. Such a family is fully able to withstand the meshchansky inclinations, consumer psychology, give civil orientation to family holidays.

A very important oriental property of the personality is the ability to accept and execute decisions. If it is absent, the worldview, conviction, life goals become declarative and running, and the personality of unreliable, infantile. Acts of such a personality are impulsive and unpredictable, and the long-term cooperation is impossible with it. The ability to take, link with the opinion of the other party and execute informed decisions to achieve, jointly developed goals and plans should have both spouses. If at least one of them does not meet this requirement, its irresponsible acts become poor and even dangerous for those who create a family with him.

The assimilation of legal and moral norms regulating attitudes in the family, the role of husband and wife, father and mother, is also of great importance for a person. The consequence of the assimilation of these norms is the development of a sense of debt. It together with the will and love encourages spouses, parents, other family members accurately and steadily to fulfill their duties.

The moral basis of a high culture of communication between spouses in the family is primarily their ability to relate to the partner as an equal one. More precisely, the marriage partner must admit, on the one hand, different from herself, having their own needs and interests, and on the other - equal to themselves, that is, deserving the same respect, the same assessment as you (of course, if You respect the person and citizen in themselves).

Every marriage would like to have such a family, outside which all troubles remain, a family, where you can safely rest, gain strength, engage in raising children, self-education, etc. But such a family needs to be able to build, considering all the features of the spouses and other family members.

Speaking about strengthening the family, improving relations between spouses, it is impossible to underestimate and physical relations in the marital life. The main thing here is that physical intimacy gives full satisfaction of both her husband and his wife.

To ensure the cohesion of the family, the ability of its members to improve economic activity. Spouses should not be afraid of life. Household service enterprises and homework do not cancel their homework, but only make it easier. Spouses must serve themselves: cook food, maintain cleanliness in the home and perform other works. To have prosperity in the family, to successfully conduct a household, the spouses should want and be able to work in good faith. Without wealth and satisfying reasonable needs, it is difficult to imagine a happy family. However, material security is not the main, the only condition of family happiness, and spiritual values \u200b\u200bshould be in the foreground.

The family becomes complete and, consequently, full after the appearance of children. Becoming father and mother, that is, the most close relatives of the baby born by them, parents seem to be involved and among themselves. In this sense, the birth of a child is a means of strengthening the family. The children really make a solid family even more. However, an attempt to strengthen the collaborated birthday of a child is a risky experiment.

To ensure the successful functioning of the marriage, a deep assimilation is needed by each spouse of their functions and duties - wives and mother, husband and father. Each of the spouses should have the necessary knowledge, develop an appropriate attitude to a partner, to gain skill and will, assimilate role standards (moral and legal) and finally learn how to perform creative and beautifully. At the same time, the will as personal quality ensures the transition from knowledge and attitudes towards activities, sustainable implementation of functions. Safety wife, husband, parents will not make a lot for the good of each other, children and families in general. At best, they will be enough for many cases without knowing how to complete any of them.

Love is not only words. This is primarily actions through which attention is expressed, tenderness, care, empathy. And each such an act brings a sense of satisfaction.

The most important spheres of the aesthetics and creativity in the family are. Residence and its situation, clothing, faces and figures of family members, their language and thoughts. It is appropriate to remember the words A. A. Chekhov that everything should be fine in man. Exit to the level of art requires a transition from a simple skill to skill. And the masters distinguishes the ability to act beautifully (aesthetically) and creatively. Of course, before young spouses, it is initially worth the task of going to the level of sufficient skill, which should be considered as a starting point for further movement forward to wealth, perfection and beauty of relationships. The continuous improvement of relations between spouses is the only way to prevent their deterioration. And more advanced relationships are possible only as a result of improving the personal qualities of the spouses themselves. Family relations are connections between family members who manifest themselves through the nature and methods of interpersonal interaction, through the influence of family members on each other when jointly and communicating. The basis of family relations are the ideological foundations of the spouses, their life goals, moral standards and values, feelings that bind spouses, as well as their moral qualities.

In a small family, the relationship is to establish, on the one hand, it is easier (fewer opinions and interests), and on the other hand, it is harder, since with insufficient depth and development of the personalities of the spouses, these relations are clearing faster, discolored, are not psychologically saturated.

Views and opinions, desires and interests of her husband and wives come into cooperation with mutual communication in the process of raising children, housekeeping, leisure, in intimate life, with family economic support. And here they are or complementary or opposed. Therefore, when in the process of any work on the house, when solving any question, the views and opinions of the spouses are diverged, you need to calmly think about and weigh both opinions and together find the right decision. In principle, consent must be achieved with the help of beliefs. If the question is not too important, the arrangement may be such a character: today we will do it, and tomorrow in my opinion.

Full-fledged intramearial relations contribute to the comprehensive development of the person, its moral, spiritual and physical improvement. Therefore, it is important how work will be organized in the family, study, which is devoted to the leisure, on what topics of the spouses are communicating and who they have friends, as they include husband and wife to material and spiritual values, as they raise or are going to raise their children.

The correct organization of family relationships comes from TO-1GO that the family is a team, this is not just a "amount", the components of which is a husband, a wife, children, and a holistic, inseparable system. For such an organization, the formation of a feeling reflecting the concept of "we" is important. In the presence of such a softening of the spouse or children, representing the family, do not say "I", but they say "we" (we say we want). The family team differs from other teams by emotional closeness of all its members, responsibility for each other, relative autonomy, independence from external impact, mutual understanding and mutual support. This is a team in which the age and sex features of each member are taken into account, where the maximum of concerns about each other is manifested, where they appreciate and understand each other. In modern family, first of all its confidence, calm situation, goodwill, warmth of feelings, mutual understanding are appreciated. This is due to both a change in the appointment of a marriage (from the economic cell, it turns into a marital convention), as well as the accuracy of modern life. But the family will not be a real team if its members do not combine progressive goals, such as the education of children with these Soviet citizens, the improvement of family members in their professional business, spiritual and ideological and moral growth of spouses and other family members.

Responsibility for organizing and the content of family life bear both spouses. Life shows that the optimal model of the Soviet family is the one where the power is fairly divided between both spouses: one is dominated in one field of family life, the other - in another. There are a lot of families where husband or wife completely dominates. If this provision does not cause conflicts between spouses, it is legitimate.

One of the progressive trends in the development of a modern family is the democratization of family relations, that is, such a principle of organizing family activities, in which the active, interested and equal participation in it all its members is ensured.

Spiritual communication in the family. One of the main functions of the modern Soviet family is to satisfy the emotional and spiritual requests of a person. Currently, the requirements for the marriage union, to the satellite of life increased significantly. Among the indicators of a happy marriage, one of the first places is occupied by the spiritual harmony of her husband and wife.

Forms of spiritual communication in the family are different. Such a communication is considered to be, in which all family members have permanent spiritual bonds based on common life facilities and principles on the fundamental problems of life, feelings of mutual attachment, responsibility, readiness for mutual assistance, receive support, approval, recognition in the family.

The moral basis of the culture of spiritual communication between spouses is respect and equality. Only communion of spouses based on mutual respect and equality can bring satisfaction and bring them closer. During such communication, they learn to understand each other, forgive the little things, adapt to the individual characteristics of everyone, improve themselves, to interact their ability to interact with other people.

Decisions that make a husband and wife as a result of a quiet and comprehensive discussion on the most important issues of family vital activity are usually rational. In contrast, the combination of "down" always carries the danger of misunderstanding each other, binds conflicts, deforms the moral world of the family. Such communication cannot bring sense of satisfaction, but only can destroy love, destroy the family.

In a marriage, a man forms love (dislike) women, and a woman's love (dislike) men. Their real relationship is the result of what they did with each other.

Love, spiritual proximity and communication of parents are one of the main educational factors, the emotional basis for the education of children in the family. When the father and mother love each other, the child gets most of their love. No pedagogical measures can fill the effect of love on a child.

In a modern family, most of the time, children communicate with her mother. It is with her that a trustee relationship is usually developed, the main life questions are discussed. However, for children is no less important to communicate with the Father. The more often the father communicates with the child, the more closely there are emotional ties, and the earlier the father comes to care for him, the stronger and deeper his parental feelings.

It has been established that the more time parents spend on conversations, games with children, the better the children are developing. On the other hand, it is proved that children, devoid of opportunities to communicate with parents or with one of them, have increased sensitivity, have difficulty in establishing contacts with peers. A serious danger to the development of a child is an emotional, even a complete, satisfaction of its physiological needs with a simultaneous disadvantage in communication, caress, warmth, good Word. Only the constant communication of parents with the child contributes to the creation of deep emotional connections, gives rise to mutual joy.

Love between parents and children is given by nature itself, love and respect between husband and wife, relations with other relatives are the result of mutual efforts. There are no two worlds in the family - adults and children, there is one world of the family. Any violation of communication between generations looses the family foundations, negatively affects the moral atmosphere. Moreover, if representatives of the older and secondary generations are inattentive, unfriendly to each other, if they are often annoyed or sulfur, then whatever powerful diplomatic walls have erected around the child, to protect his world, all the same it will suffer irritation, disgust or indifference to adults . If, when communicating with each other, all generations of the family show tact, wisdom, do not increase the tones, are considered to be desires and opinions of other family members, they are gentle by the pride of each other, they are experiencing a mountain and joy together, family cohesion is born.

Throughout the matrimonial life, the intensity of communication fluctuates. Psychologists believe that in the family life of most spouses there are tides and flow. At the beginning, they are shallow, short, then they can lengthen, deepen (although, according to psychologists, the deeper, married love, the less she is prone to oscillations).

In the period of emotional sings in the family, conflicts arise, disagreements take painful character. On average, it takes 3-6 months from the tide. And it is very important to meet another cooling period with understanding and the desire to overcome it with the smallest losses.

Communication is changing at every stage of the family life. The beginning of family life is the period of the most stormy joys, but often and strong grief. Married, the young man and the girl are often completely different, often incorrect ideas about the ideal marital relations and, trying to realize them in their family life, complicate relations with each other. Psychological adaptation to each other takes time, so it is very important to be able to forgive trivia, to be kind and attentive, generous and patient, caring and indulgent, to understand the other, to adapt to its individual characteristics from the first days of living together.

The nature of communication in the birth rate of the child changes significantly. At this stage of family life, the psychological and physical exertion of spouses increases, their cognitive activity decreases, the life is sharply reduced, there is a mass of additional worries, and so on. Those who have good relationships and the same view of the education issues, the appearance of a new family member comes closers Who has spiritual connections of weak - can remove.

During this period, it is especially important to properly build communication in the family, which is based on mutual understanding, tact, justice and mutual preventability in the distribution of numerous family worries.

In marriage, as in any case, you can get so much joys how much effort will be invested in it. The ability to communicate is the case of upbringing and self-education, the work that should devote his strength and husband and wife from the first days of living together. The disintegration of the family begins when communication turns into a duel of pride, when the emotions take the top over the mind.

Research results allow you to allocate typical errors in the communication of spouses, which adversely affect the nature of the relationship in the family:

75% of women, 72% of men rarely go first on

40% of women, 51% of men are rarely praised and approved

47% of families are not taken into account

45% of women constantly put husbands as an example of other men, 60% - criticize her husbands in the presence of familiar and relatives;

In 55% of families, spouses are not interested in professional

problems of each other, 20% of spouses never say

about his work at home.

To avoid mistakes in communicating in the family, by following some rules:

In the marital communication, it is impossible to strive for the departure;

It is necessary to avoid reproaches, accusations, complaints, destroyer

for marital ties;

Communication disease begins to develop when spouses

close in yourself when words requiring immediate from

veta, remain ignore;

It is very important to be able to manage your mood, desire

agree, coordinate them with the interests and status of loved ones

people seek to overcome their weaknesses first

calm the main values \u200b\u200bthat bring spouses bring

and overcome together what disconnects them;

For successful communication it is important to be generous for good

words and deeds (specialists have proven that good-natured

people on average lsut for 6-8 years longer than annoy

venerable, fierce or abandoned in the depressed

standing):

The joy of communication is impossible without constant aspiration

like each other.

The community of spiritual life involves a family empathy of all possible mental states. However, the culture of communication requires a sense of measure. You can not constantly shift your husband or wife on the shoulders. Especially unacceptable continuous whining, demonstrating their full helplessness. This kind of spouse (spouse) is essentially becoming another child in the family, which generates new problems. Not every person will endure both annoying, obsession, despotism. Only one psychologically verified path can lead to a solid union married sides - everything should be planned: time, money, strength, but first of all - the joy of family communication, for it is the highest manifestation of family happiness.

Relationships of young spouses with their parents. From the moment of creating your family, parents for newlyweds would be moved to another plan. It `s naturally. New worries, impressions, prospects, a new social role of a husband or wife - all this falls on the newlyweds with a huge cargo - pleasant and hard at the same time.

In the optimal version of the newlyweds after the wedding have separate housing and live completely independently. They start a new one, their life, independent of the lifefield of parents. In this case, young people support relationships with their parents, visiting each other. The moral basis of relations between newlyweds and their parents are respect and love. Young spouses should always be remembered about the mother and father, who grown and cultivated them, take care of them, please take attention, do not forget to congratulate the day of birth, with holidays, to provide the necessary assistance.

It must be remembered about the appearance of new relatives. Due to the expansion of their circle, the spouses enrich their social experience, acquire new close acquaintances and, if possible, in their face of new friends. New related ties can be fruitfully affected by the in-family relations of newlyweds, strengthen them. Acquaintance and maintaining contacts with the relatives of the spouse (spouses) allow you to learn more about him (it itself), which also brings closer to young, helps better understand each other.

Parents, their life experience will help the young couple to overcome the available moral and psychological difficulties, find the right answer in the difficult situation. Listen to the advice of the mother, father, mother-in-law, testing, etc. Never superfluous. Parents should also give their advice tactfully, correctly, not offended by their superiority, not speculating at the advantage of mature age, and in critical situations - to be far-sighted and wise.

If young people after the conclusion of the marriage have to live with some of the parents on one living space, then their position, on the one hand, is facilitated, and on the other hand, additional difficulties may arise in such a situation. Together-living parents take part of the economic worries, which gives spouses more time to receive education, advanced training, leisure activities. But constant communication of a young couple with parents can create numerous reasons for conflicts if the culture of communication is low if there are different ideas about life values, diametrically opposite views on family roles. Research suggests that the "tension" often arises between the elders from women (mother-in-law) and a new family member - a daughter-in-law, son-in-law. What mother does not want happiness to her son? But a young wife (daughter-in-law) is pursued this goal. Ia is known that a benevolent atmosphere is primarily valued in a modern family. Young man, seeing consent and understanding between his wife and his mother, will be happy to this. But unbearable will be the situation when it will rush between the displeasure of his wife and the resentment of the mother.

The relationship between the presence and son-in-law can also be complicated. In this case, the young husband with words and actions needs to show their wife's mother warmth and reliability of her feeling for a young wife.

A joint life with parents often necessitates the situation when everything that happens between the spouses becomes the property of the whole family. It is good if the relationship is cloudless. In the event of a conflict, young spouses are recommended to allow it if possible without the presence of relatives. Attracting strangers to resolve a controversial situation can lead to a protracted proceedings. Therefore, the intervention of relatives should be allowed only with the consent of both spouses and in the event that they themselves cannot conclude.

Family ethics and etiquette. The concept of ethics relative to the family is used in the meaning of morality, family morality and is considered as an assessment of the educational of family members individually and the moral climate of the family as a team.

Young people who have seen each other and married, trust each other their individual biological and social traits that they hide from other people, are beginning to solve all household and intimate issues. Step by step in communication, their personality is manifested in all its manifestations (failures, weaknesses, joy, lesions, etc.). It is important at this stage of family life to be able to preserve the elevation of perception of each other, and only the high moral education of each of the spouses can be promoted, their personal qualities: modesty, tacty, shame, moderation, etc. In this case, it is etiquette to help newlyweds to create traditions , bonding the family, make life in her joyful, beautiful.

Etiquette is a set of certain rules of conduct, adopted in society aesthetic form of manifestation of the moral and psychophysiological essence of man. It manifests itself in many areas of people's communication. There are native etiquette norms. For example, the division of society on men and women, adults and children determine the presence of such rules as a gentle attitude of a man to a woman, respectful - to the eldest, caring - to the younger. The high-level essence of the Soviet person requires beauty actions and a manner everywhere, including in the family.

The human culture can be divided into inner and external; Under the "inner", which is the main, understand morality, "external" involves the beauty of (aesthetics) of behavior. Both of these cultures are interrelated and interdepended, they must harmoniously complement each other. Love as the basis of marriage does not tolerate the slightest false. Oddly enough, the absolute smoothness and politeness of the relationship between spouses is not only not a guarantee of a solid feeling, but can talk about the opposite - about the absence of love. Loving people can argue, offended, indignant, they may have disagreements. But all this should be expressed in such forms that would not be humiliated and not offended by the other. Loving relations should be built on an equal and healthy basis. As a rule, a woman is an inspirational in the family, and a man must be an active Creator, which will help them both fulfill the conceived.

Family etiquette involves the ability to coordinate their interests with the interests of other family members. The basis of it is goodwill to all family members.

Family ethics demands to support the high authority of his family among friends and others. The ancient Russian family family tradition does not deserve the praise of the spouse neither in front of their relatives, nor in front of others, not to exhibit its adversity at the same time to raise the authority of the spouse and among children, and among others. There were always afraid of ridicule on the outside and crosses, they were avoided, they were taken out only what she deserves approval and praise. Now some forget that it is better not to make their disagreements, quarrels for everyone to review, you need to be ashamed of our uncompatory, incontinence, evil in the same way. To behave with dignity, calmly, to protect the honor and its own, and family - both spouses should strive for this. Family ethics and etiquettes should be based on the reason, good, beauty.

Conflicts in the family. Direct reasons for conflicts between spouses are usually the inconsistency of one of them or both of the requirements of the marriage as such, the inconsistency of the spouses to each other (including incompatibility of characters), destructive external influences.

For these general direct reasons, groups of reasons are more specific. The total (total) unsuitability for marriage, the execution of the role of a husband or wife takes place with alcoholism, the sustainable criminal behavior of one of the spouses, far-shocked egoism, mercy, consumerism, fanatical religiosity. In all cases, this kind of personality is toughly focused on achieving such goals or the use of such means to achieve goals that are fundamentally incompatible with marriage.

Not to meet the requirements of the marriage can also separate properties of the personality of the spouse - spiritual underdevelopment and moral instability, the inability to conduct a household or earn the necessary means for the family, etc. Every such lack can destroy any family. The same consequences usually leading a set of mental traits, referred to as notionable, when all the actions of one of the spouses regardless of its actual qualities are criticized and ridiculous.

Significant consequences are also caused by lack of knowledge for one or another issues faced by a family, dismissive attitude towards marriage or partner, the absence of relevant skills, bravery, a tendency to unlawful manifestations.

Non-compliance with the spouses is also possible when each of them is in principle to fulfill a marital role, but cannot implement this in this marriage, with this partner. The inconsistency in its full expression is poured into the incompatibility of the personalities of spouses or their individual personal properties (worldviews and beliefs, life goals and plans), the inability to make joint decisions and cooperate in the process of their execution. The inconsistency takes place when it is impossible or serious difficulty of sharing some needs (for example, spiritual communication in the absence of common interests or a sharp difference in developmental levels), if there are incompatible ideas about what kind of marriage should be, what are the goals of marriage and the ways to implement them.

An example of a devastating external influence may be, in particular, interference with the relationship between the spouses of their parents or relatives. This is especially dangerous in cases where a young family, without having its own material base, lives with his parents of his wife or husband. Parents intervention often causes a sharp reaction - primarily from that spouse that came to this family. Son or daughter, naturally, showing great readiness to obey parents. Various reactions to parental intervention often turns out to be the Wedge, which causes conflicts, gradually splits the relationship between young spouses.

Conflicts may occur as a result of a surge of negative emotions caused by a random reason, or when they can stand a real contradiction between spouses. In the first case, the calm clarification of the actual position, followed by an apology for the unreasonable charge, can completely exhaust the conflict. In life there are cases where the reasons for the conflict, as in the end, it turns out, no, or it is insignificant or forgotten, and the protracted quarrels and scandals managed to kill warm feelings, make spouses from others.

If the conflict is worth a real contradiction, the consequences are primarily dependent on its nature. With a full or significant inconsistency of both spouses or one of them, marriage demands as the Institute, marriage turns out to be stillborn or knowingly doomed. This is exactly what the disintegration of a significant number of families in the first days, weeks or months of the collaboration of spouses is explained. The same consequences may entail a serious initial discrepancy between the spouses to each other.

Sometimes they argue that in the age of the scientific and technical revolution, the source of family conflicts is in the field of tense production relations. The aggressiveness in the family with this approach is considered as a consequence of the stressful state that arose from one of the spouses at work. Often it happens. The stressful state appears, in particular, as a result of conflicts with managers or comrades in production teams. But no less often stresses are generated or enhanced by an adverse moral and psychological climate in the family itself. If a person's houses expect new troubles, claims, reproaches, then stressful states are superimposed ones, accumulated, and the likelihood of family conflicts increases sharply.

In this regard, the question arises: is it appropriate to the spouses share with each other with their difficulties? Doesn't you have a duty to "keep your trouble with yourself" on each of them? No, it should not. The community of spiritual life involves the joint experience of all possible mental states. Culture of communication requires only adherence to the sense of measure. The best way to prevent the destructive influence of mental tension on the relationship between spouses is control over themselves.

Faceted in the family conflicts on intimate soil. Even a simple indifference of his wife to intimate proximity is usually a weakening seven factor. The husband often turns out to be in the position of the problem or even pouring the proximity, which allows the wife of "Failing to Pedestal". From the height of this pedestal, she, depending on the mood, either condescens it to her husband, "comes out" it, or resolutely stops his "worthless claims". Not knowing this detail of matrimonial relationships? Sometimes it is impossible to understand why the wife, who in general, is not different, neither the special mind or beauty, so dismissively looks at his much more gifted husband. The sense of self-esteem is constantly injured, which gradually lowers the "temperature" in the house, cools the relationship.

The situation is no less conflict if the wife is experiencing disgust for physical proximity. Then the married bed turns out for it with something like the place of torture. Disconnection to the act of proximity is transferred to the husband, which in it needs. And the woman either lives squeezing his teeth, with a sense of constant sacrificing themselves (from fear of loneliness, a sense of debt before children), either generally refuses sexual life. In any case, the consequences of this for the family are tragic. The same consequences attracted and the inability of her husband to satisfy his wife.

Non-opinion opinions, conflicts, disputes - all this is natural and with the best relationship. But you can solve conflicts in two ways: or from the position of kindness, when the most important thing is the most important thing - a good attitude and only then - the truth, or the quarrel, when not good relationships and not even truth, but irritation, the desire to defend yourself, win. The one who gets on the path of a quarrel is not fundamentally right, as undermines good relations. For the highest truth in the family is exactly good relations, and it is much higher than someone's momentary right. The quarrel does not allow the conflict, but incites it. And the understanding of this is the cornerstone of family culture.

To save love, young spouses need to master the culture of the dispute and resolution of the conflict, concluded in the ability, on the one hand, to express their opinion, without increasing the voice and not offended by the partner, and on the other hand, in the ability to recognize the right point of another, the ability to obey this right . At the same time, in no case cannot "go to the person", resort to mutual accusations and especially insults. The spouses should be consciously try not to succumb to negative emotions, do not forget about respect for each other, remember that before each of them is worth the task not to "insist on their", not achieve any price of victory in the dispute, but to establish the truth, to take useful both decision. For this, it is important not only to listen carefully, which says the other, and strive to understand him, but also be able to put yourself in his place, listen to your own arguments "his ears." Finally, the willingness is very important to give way to each other, make a compromise.

Literature: current issues of family and upbringing. Vilnius, 1983; Alov E. V. Be kind: a young family about the culture of feelings and behavior. 2 ed. MN, 1985; Culture of family relationships. 2 ed. M. (1985; Zatresin V. I. About the life of the marital. 2 ed. M., 1984; We and our family: KN. For young spouses. 2 ed. M., 1985; Our family: kN. For newlyweds. 2 Ed. Kiev, 1985; family and consumer culture. Mn., 1981; Syyssenko V. A. The youth comes into marriage. M., 1986; his own. Sophisticated conflicts. M., 1983;. Schelde Family Circle: (psychology of everyday life). M., 1986.

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