Hard relationship with mom in adulthood. Relations with mom do not fold. Daughter and Mom: What is the relationship

For some reason, the relationship between two close people becomes stretched. It seems that the representatives of the two generations stop not just understanding, but to hear each other. Almost every family came across such a picture: the relationship between an adult daughter and mom is overshadowed by permanent quarrels.

What are the reasons for the disaster?

To find a solution, it is necessary to understand the reason. Psychologists assure that it is impossible to choose a universal way to take into account all the nuances of family relations.

However, most often the daughter does not show the desire to understand the mother, and the senior women are not trying to look at the world from the point of view of young people.

What are the main causes of cracks in the relationship with the mother? Consider the most common of them:

• Usually, the relationship with the mother is beginning to deteriorate when the girl is included in the teenage period. The daughters seem to be an adult, and Mom continues to see in her an unreasonable infant. Therefore, it is trying to continue to control each step. In protest, the child goes to the aggravation of the conflict;
• The reason for misunderstanding can be various vital values. What is the fundamental for the child is often simply not available for the perception of an adult. In turn, young people do not attempt to realize what is the most important in the life of parents;
• Sophisticated relationship with mom is possible if she could not realize his own plans and thinks that her life would be different if at one time she chose another path. Now, through a daughter, a woman is trying to bring personal dreams. By the way, such a problem is often observed since the childhood of the child, when parents force him to study music, drawing, sports martial arts, etc. Over time, most children protest, refusing to attend classes that they are not interested in;
• Modern psychology assures that a disadvantage of praise becomes one of the common causes of conflict. From children's years, the child demanded perfect behavior and excellent marks. All the efforts of the daughter were perceived as granted. Much, the girl understands that she is underestimated, and at a certain point it can simply "break" the mother who has never hurried to praise her.

Relations with my mother do not add up, as she considers her duty and raise the child, whatever age he has not yet reached. When the girl appears its own family, it will begin to more understand the behavior of the mother. But until then, care seems unnecessary and funny.

Of course, make life peace will succeed only if both sides are ready to make concessions. To do this, it will not hurt to sit down at the negotiating table and calmly listen to the accusations of the opposite side and put forward your own.

Then to figure out what exactly the reason for misunderstanding, and try to resolve the relationship, until they finally entered a dead end. However, often all attempts of peace negotiations lead to a new wave of scandals.

In this case, the best solution will be the appeal to the psychologist. Unfortunately, the Russian family is not used to to make problems for consideration by an unauthorized person and considers the psychology of fun.

If the girl is already an independent person who has stable earnings, the best solution will be moving from the parent nest. A similar step will allow the mother to realize that her child really grown and does not need permanent care.

In this case, bad relationships with mom will gradually come to "no", since meetings between relatives will occur much less often. The girl will begin to feel like a hostess of his life, and not so negatively refer to the advice of the mother.

It is recommended to constantly ask the advice from their parents. It does not matter, an adult daughter or teenager will consult a mother on the preparation of borscht, room cleaning, the meaning of the film viewed or read book. Seeing that the daughter trusts her opinion, Mom will be sure that he keeps the situation under control and her girl grows quite reasonable, so as not to do nonsense.

Problems in relationship with mom can be eliminated by showing retaliatory care. For example, while walking to call and ask, you need to or do not buy something in the store, as she feels. Living separately from the parents, it is advisable to look at them more often, bringing small, but cute gifts. Mom will be proud of the care that an adult daughter shows, and the relationship between the two generations will definitely change for the better.

Often, the only way to prove the mother that the girl is an adult, becomes awareness of the daughter of the fact that her manner behave practically does not differ from the child's manner. Adult man performs thoughtful actions, and does not depend on momentary whims. Therefore, it is worth assessing your own behavior and deal, the cause of conflicts is adult behavior or children's "want"?

From general to specific

However, it is worth noting that the psychology of relationships with the mother is individual and general advice can only push the person in the right direction. Conflicts will have to solve, based on the prerequisites and the complexity of the situation.

For example, often the mother does not allow the child to live separately, since with the slightest mention of the change of residence, it begins a heart attack.

On the one hand, an adult daughter understands what behavior is a game that forces it to neglect its own interests. On the other hand, how to leave a mother in a similar condition?

To make sure of your right every time, when your mother has a bad heart, it is worth calling "ambulance". It is also recommended to consult with its attending physician, finding out how dangerous the state of the mother's health is. Most likely, in this case, Mom will cease to play on the nerves of the daughter and will allow her to build their own life.

Wonderful if there is a trustee friendly relationship between mom and daughter when they can admire and give each other "Women's Tips". But if mutual understanding is missing, it is better not to let the situation on samonek, gain courage and still turn to a specialist to finally not destroy relationships with the closest person.

In grown children, and sometimes adolescents, the question arises how to establish relationships with mom.

In one family different characters are intersectand it may turn out that the goals and values \u200b\u200bdo not coincide.

The child will always strive to resist, get freedom, but some mothers continue to control the already growing children.

How do family alignments on Hellinger work? Find out about it from ours.

Concept and psychology

What are complex relationships?

Each family happens, but usually they are subject matter and sooner or later people reach a compromise.

If conflicts happen constantly, parents and children do not understand each other, do not go for concessions, then you can already talk about the presence of complex relationships.

There are several options for the problem.:

• mother seeks to completely subordinate to himself a child and control each step;
• mother does not pay due attention to the child, she shows coldness, irritation, aggression, constantly criticizes, dissatisfied with the son of his son or daughter. All this is poured into a constant voltage inside the family, endless conflicts.

Bad relationships of a child with a parent affect his further life. Children who cannot create a happy family in adulthood.

Those whom constantly criticized and humiliated, have understated self-esteem, uncertainty in themselves, problems with the establishment of personal contacts, the lack of achievements.

Terrible relationships can begin in adolescence and preserve until the end of life.

However, if you wish them can be corrected.

In the ideal case, both sides should be ready to come to contact, but the child itself is able to affect it a little.

With adult daughter

Mother, having a low, fear of his age. She is experiencing about the fact that the body no longer has the necessary tone, signs of aging appear.

Having matured daughter in this case is an excessive reminder of age.

Many factors affect the development of relations of mother and daughters.

The relationship between the daughter and mothers pass through the stage:

With an adult son

Relations between the son and mother are slightly different from those that there is between her and daughter. Adult son is already a mancapable of solving independently and be responsible for their family.

With incorrect education, the boy's dependence arises from the mother, which negatively affects its development, creating a family, with the opposite sex.

If the mother does not want to let go of an adult son, it turns into a problem for both sides. The boy can leave home, Wanting to avoid pressure. He can begin to resist in adolescence.

Mothers need to take the fact that her child grew up and leads a separate life from her.

It is not easy and stuck she can bring in a new family.

If a man is not able to arrange personal borders, then in some cases it is fraught with even the destruction of the Union.

There are cases when a man fully dependent emotionally from his mother, I continue to live with her before old age, without a calling your family.

Of course, my mother needs at any age, but the older man, the less its influence. She is the wise adviser, support, but not the leader. And this fact is important to recognize her, and son.

The ideal option, according to one of the proverbs, is to "feed, learn and let go." Unfortunately, not so many parents understand this and continue to take care of the long-growing son.

Relationship of Mother and Adult Men- This is the line between emotional attachment, custody and the ability to give the opportunity to live on their own.

Causes of difficulties

Conflicts between adult daughter or son and mother may occur for the following reasons:

• non-compliance of expectations;
• incorrect from the point of view of the mother's behavior;
• lack of emotional attachment;
• lack of mutual trust;
• parents did not assign respect for children to adults;
• mother climbs her daughter, considering his opinion only true, not giving an adult woman to decide as needed to enter life situations;
• totalitarian character of the mother.

I have been 36 years old, I live separately from my parents. But mom is trying to teach me all the time, checks what I fed grandchildren, as we dress. If something is not on it - it is terribly offended. How do we stop quarrel?

Svetlana Kudryavtseva, Voronezh

Replies psychologist Dmitry Vozhov:

The conflict of his daughter with a mother from a series of eternal conflicts as the problems of the son with his father, his brother and brother, etc. Mother and daughter are very close people and usually cannot understand why quarrels and resentment arise. Justice to say that some live in the world. It is necessarily that if you are a daughter, it will certainly have to conflict with mom.

Why arise quarrels between the most close people?

There are several reasons.

Mother's belief that daughter should be her copy, continuation. So, to think and act, how she, have the same looks, just dressed, etc. If the mother cannot or does not want to understand that the daughter is another person, not like her (after all, the environment affects it , school), conflicts begin.

"Unexpected" adulthood of his daughter. Sometimes mom can't realize that the daughter grew up, and continues to perceive it as a small, patronate, teach and instruct each occasion. Daughter is trying to go out from under such control, demonstrating his independence, independence and adulter: they say, I myself know how I live.

The daughter married, and mom does not like her husband. The impact of the husband affects the behavior and her daughter. From here you begin reproaches: you are not so dressing, you do not like themselves, do not like the child, etc. I even know Mothers who are specially not given to her daughter get married, live in the same apartment and keep with you as a girlfriend, companion, assistant , go to rest together. Do not let go of the men, in order not to increase. That is, the identity of the mother completely absorbs the identity of the daughter. They live a soul in the soul, but there is no children in an adult daughter, there is no one's own housing, there is no one's own life. So, what is next? If daughters still manage to escape from such strong maternal hands, then conflicts are inevitable.

Other life experience and values. For example, Mom believes that it is necessary to marry once and forever and in marriage it is necessary to immediately give birth to children. And the daughter changes men or husbands in search of her prince or believes that you first need to make a career, and then make children. Or the mother got used to save money, and the daughter of the transcriber. Again the reason for the conflict.

How to establish relationships with your mother?

Remember the eternal. This is still a mother, she gave you life, and although you are largely different with her, but at the same time you have a lot in common. And your relationship with it is more important than defending our own principles. We must remember that mom is older. If you destroy the relationship, then if your mom needs help, it can not accept it. And this is a heavy blow for life, to check which will not work.

Analyze the reasons for the confa. Instead of being offended for years, it is better to think about why Mom says so and comes. It is clear that this is even a native person, but also an independent person. Try to understand the causes of my mother's behavior, why she demands something from you. Try to get up in her place. Perhaps she grieves, because she has health problems, so she often angry and annoyed.

If the conflict still happened, try to make a compromise. And so that the emotions are not shot, explain why you think so and do it ("I do it, because ..."). When you move to a logical discussion of some topics, the left hemisphere of the brain is responsible for the logic. And the right hemisphere that is responsible for emotional behavior, at this time is inhibited, and the quarrel does not flare up.

In conversation, try not to go to personality, insult. "You always did not respember me!", "You can't raise a child well, because herself ..." That he says, at the peak of emotions, we are often sorry and ashamed of their inconsistency. For example, instead of words: "Of course, I have no doubt that I have the most terrible and insensitive daughter in the world!" - You can say: "I really need your advice and support." If my mother persists, just run to her, enter the role of an approximate daughter. And when the quarrel is spent, talk to the souls.

Consult my mom more often. For example, ask how to put roses in the garden or bake her corporate cake. After all, Mom believes that daughter is its continuation, and "continuation" implies the transfer of any experience. And just that Mom knew what you need her, even a daughter and grew a long time ago and lives her family. But you need to understand that it will work only if it causes positive emotions. Therefore, look for the right topic and time for conversation. The worst option may look, for example, like this: "Mom, teach me borscht cook!" - "And I explained to you five years ago, did you forget? You do not hear at all and do not respect me! " Or: "I think about great here, and you with your borsch!"

Do not forget that time heals. It is most important. If you brought the situation to the conflict and could not immediately make up and find out the relationship on hot wakes, you need to pause, calm down, and then find a reason for the meeting and talk to souls.

Learn to forgive. No matter how strong is your resentment, you should always search for reconciliation motifs. Usually, even quarreling, mom and daughter feel the abnormality of such an alienation between close people, both are very worried. Sometimes someone just needs to take the first step.

If an adult woman cannot call his mother's warm relationship - what does it mean? Do you need to try to feel your gratitude to my parents, or does not prevent yourselfure and leave everything as it is: disputes and scandals or cold distancing? Why is the topic of gratitude to mom so painful for most of us and can it be cured?

Gratitude to parents is the topic, Istropnaya from all sides. From the most pot in the head, everyone is driven by a decade-door hammer:

• Parents gave you life, be grateful.
• They feed you, dress and raise - you are obliged to the end of your days.
• Everything that parents did are for your good. Say thank you. And leave your opinion you know where!

In fact, the "good aunt-advice" deftly manipulates our feelings. Feeling guilt and debt. The desire to be "good" in the eyes of the public. And the desire to comply with social norms and the most powerful lever at all:

It is ashamed to be so ungrateful!
- How can you tell such a mother?!

You feel that you have to play by the rules. Owor yourself, condemn, trying to find in the shower at least a drop of gratitude. But heat inside towards parents is not added.

And then the brain is beginning to drill thoughts:

- Do I need a sense of gratitude at all?
- How to squeeze it if in the shower is empty?
- And why so break yourself, if they did not really try to earn this gratitude?

I will say this: kick yourself at least before the loss of the pulse to wake gratitude, but to correct the relationship, which now either consist of scandals, or pass in the irreconcilable silence and rejection, will not be able to force.

Most likely, you already have some gratitude search practice. Surely checked on themselves the power of self-sufficient, they walked conscience, I was looking for mercy and all apartments. Obviously, they did not find ...

Despite all efforts, the notorious feeling of gratitude and remained with something mythical, almost as the unicorns. It is quite possible, for such a cold, there are real reasons. Start with this. Realize what exactly you blame parents. What prevents your relationship now?

Options can be a lot. But most often there is one of the reasons listed below.

Reason number 1: Poor attitude of parents in childhood

This is not forgotten. It is not erased from the memory after 20 years, nor 40. It is worth remembering, and inside everything boils from unspoken claims and offensive. And serious and reasonable. They are so easy to not get rid of them.

Have you tried to find excuse to parents? Did not work? Naturally. Because it is stupid to justify cruelty, rudeness and betrayal towards the child. He definitely.

Imagine the situation. A teenager torments a living being - it doesn't matter whether he rises with stones to a poop or tear off his paws and wings caught flies. Will you look for him justification? Unlikely.

Because every child knows that it is impossible to hurt an animal, unable to protect himself. He knows, but now he wants to do this. And no excuse to be this act can be.

And now transfer the perception of this situation on the cruelty of the parents. Yes, they are living people. It is amenable to fear, fall into confusion, sneak from impotence and their own weakness. But is this an apology? Consciously or unconsciously - the choice was made in favor of the strength and humiliation of weak.

What to do?

Stop looking for a selection of such actions. If you specify the goal, you can come up with a dozen explanations and find a hundred reasons for ill-treatment. That's just no sense.

Parents were with you unfair and rude. And this is a faithful fact. This is your past. It is impossible to fix it! Tell me:

- Yes, my parents are. Yes, I had a difficult childhood. Nothing to do nothing.

Admit reality - at that moment the parents intentionally choose behaving in this way. Admit it and move on.

Of course, with a similar situation, if you were beaten and humiliated, you should not gratefully. But you have something to yourself: the soul world, happiness in your own family and getting rid of this "I must be grateful."

Reason number 2: rivalry with parents

You say yourself: "I will never be so!" And all in life do from the opposite. Not as they.

You repeat: "I will be better than you, I can and prove it!". And the bones lie down to achieve more than parents. Although you do not need this "larger".

As a result, such a rivalry carries out a woman at least for problems in personal life. Because instead of creating your own family, she is trying to win competition with mother in the family of parents. And this is a guaranteed defeat!

Do you think I exaggerate? Phrase: "I will not be like you, I will be better than you"In fact, means: "I will be the best wife my dad than you!".

It turns out that the place of the man in the heart of a woman is actually busy. Naturally, the relationship with the opposite floor does not fold. Any man is automatically compared with dad and loses.

When such a scheme works in the head, it is impossible to see the advantages of a person. See who he really is. In my head only clicks: "He is not like that!". He has other views on life, other priorities, other requirements. Therefore, on the personal front, things are sad enough.

What to do? Would you like harmonious relationship with mom? The order in your head will come only when you recognize and take two things.

Mother above you on a family hierarchy. She is the oldest, and you are the youngest in this chain. What gives her a number of rights. This is a reality, and you need to be considered.

You are 50% your mom. And it does not matter, you like this fact or not - it is genetics. You can resist, angry, with foam at the mouth to prove that you are not her. But the fact remains a fact - half chromosomes in your body.

Let you comfort the idea that we are in any case the best of our parents. Few people think about it, but except 50% of the mother and 50%, we have another 100% of your own potential. Having a weak perspective, you will agree!

So deal with the case instead of digging in the past. Find a way to implement all 200% of your birth.

Reason number 3: Parents do not appreciate you and never proud of you

Not always, the mother demonstratively proud of his child. That is, different reasons:

• Inability to express feelings. Someone since childhood was taught that she was bragging on the success of their loved ones.
• Heavy Plank. Others do not see anything special in the successes and achievements of their children - well, an excellent party, well, an athlete ... And in a different way and can not be!
• For educational purposes. Someone deliberately does not praise the child, wanting to raise him to new tops thus.
• Exorbitant expectations. And someone is angry with his child for the fact that he is inconspicuous middling. In comparison with more successful peers, it always loses. Everyone around is well done, and your and praise something not for.

However, in your mom's life there were many moments when she was proud of you. When only tenderness and gratitude for you were in her heart, such a gift for the universe.

Recall at least the postcard you first presented to her on March 8. Yes, she was not a masterpiece, and there were three mistakes in the signature. But for Mom she was the best gift. Perhaps she could not demonstrate their feelings, but at that moment you lit a spark of joy in her soul.

What to do?

1. Understandthat only a small part of what is inside is spoiled. In many families, it is not customary to express feelings. And at the time when fireworks explode inside from joy and pride for their child, Mom only reservedly says: "Well, well done, keep up the good work."
2. Realizethat this is the past. And you live in the present. And what prevents in the present to make mom proud of you? Moreover, now your capabilities are much wider than in childhood, when you, having drunking the language, was removed the red eight on the landscape sheet.

How to feel gratitude that not?

First of all, forever erase from your brain who has entered the approval there that you should thank your mother. Forget about it! Now you should only yourself. Take it as axiom. You are simply obliged to find the soul world and stop the internal conflict.

Would you like to feel gratitude? It is to feel, and not squeeze it out of myself? Imagine that now your mother is in front of you, and tell her the image out loud:

Mom, I am grateful to you ...

Remember and voiced all-all-all situations when my mother hugged you, cared, kissed, gave gifts, drove into a circus or park. Anything. Each little thing is important!

So you can reach bright moments. Before those memories for which you can really be grateful. If there are serious problems in relationships, you will be not easy. Most likely, you have to repeat the virtual "conversation with my mother" several times.

But as a result, you will still find a sincere feeling of gratitude, which will set the world first in your soul, and then in your relationship with your parents.

Many women do not understand how important a good relationship with the mother is. They suffer from the fact that it takes too much space in their lives. The image of a condemning or approving figure, the need to earn its recognition will oppress, does not allow starting his own life. "To establish relationships with your mother - it means to add peace of mind and confidence, feel happier," says the psychologist Terry Apter.

Often, the daughters of the powerful, distributing instructions and all-knowing mothers prefer to move to another city, or something else to distance. For a grand-dominant figure of the mother, it is difficult for them to see the usual woman, the same as they are: with takeoff and drops, successes and disappointments, with the right to mistaken, feelings and desires.

In order for mother and daughter to go on, but not to lose each other, both need to endure mourning for children-parent relations that tied them before. Unfortunately, the smooth transition from the relationship between the mother and the child to friendship or at least mutual respect is not always.

On the mother's side: Mourning for a child's daughter

Adult daughter - joy and pride. The results of embedded work, sleepless nights, tears splashed. Reflection of maternal appearance, character and habits in a new man. But an adult daughter is the sadness of his own youth, gone joys and unfulfilled dreams. Sorrow on her baby, irrevitable maternity, feeling of its own significance.

Mother must be seen in the daughter of a woman who herself will soon become or has already become a mother

Mothers need to abandon the omnipotence - real or imaginary, become more flexible, to see the woman in his daughter, who herself will soon become or already became a mother. Mother's task is to transfer the daughter the correct maternal identification: the ability to see and respect in his child a separate personality.

According to Caroline Elyacheff and Natalie Einish, French psychoanalysts and co-authors of the book "Daughter-Mother's daughter: the third extra", only with this approach the mother gets the opportunity to "build relationships with the daughter, which, without crossing the past, allow you to find a compromise in the present."

On the side of the daughter: Mourning for childhood

Sometimes the mother turns out to be ready to let go of the daughter, take a woman in it. Then the daughter can teach her a lesson, showing that the adult is already enough, and therefore their relations suggest equality and respect. But separated, it is important to keep respect for the mother.

For a woman, the mother's relationship is complicated by the fact that, despite all the insults and misunderstanding, she sooner or later will have to be identified with it to discover the maternal function in themselves. The more acceptance of the daughter can find in itself in relation to the mother, the less conflict for her own motherhood will be.

Education of his daughter is inevitably accompanied by the aging of the mother - sooner or later the asymmetry of power and care will turn upside down, daughters will have to take care of her own mother. Both are important to be able to negotiate and find a compromise before the mother will lose physical and / or mental ability to this.

Watching the gradual extinction of the mother, the daughter says goodbye to a person who led her to this world, says goodbye to his childhood and at the same time loses the last barrier separating it from death.

Balance search: realistic expectations

Deep inside all we want the relationship with the mother and close to the mother. Unfortunately, reality often dispersed with the ideal. It's not as bad as it may seem at first glance.

Try to present real relationships - instead of imaginary idylls in them there is a place of mutual resentment and joy. Instead of flawlessly beautiful or, on the contrary, the devilish-terrible image of a mother who lives in your soul is a real person with its advantages and disadvantages. So you can install more lively and sincere contact, see the usual human manifestations.

No matter how difficult is your dialogue, it is important to understand that you both are already adults

American psychologist Paul Kaplan advises to show interest in maternal history - look at her life from the side to appreciate her actions in a new way. As a child, you can keep offense and anger for some words, actions or inaction of your mother, but being an adult woman and assessing her life from the height of your experience, you may be able to understand something, forgive and accept.

The generation of women, whom 60, was brought up in conditions of acute deficit and hard moral obstacles, which could not not impose an imprint on them, including on mothers.

As the mother and daughter grow up, they begin to better learn the character, glances and values \u200b\u200bof each other, the desire to break through the established roles of the "mother's daughter", having achieved a deeper understanding, becomes stronger.

Terry Apter is confident that return to earlier roles - picky mother or a capricious child - can prevent the development of relations in adulthood. "Talk to the full force of your adult personality," psychologist advises. "Then the mother is more likely to answer you as an adult, and not as a child." No matter how difficult was your dialogue, it is important to understand that you both are already adults.

Respect - first step to friendship

The 38-year-old Maria remembers that it was completely broken when it always had an active and successful mother suddenly fell into depression, divorced her father and went to another country. "For many years I vinyl and wanted only one thing: so that she did everything otherwise and corrected her mistake," says Maria. "Only now I understand how hard she was given to her decision, as wisely she did, she stopped tormented himself, father and all of us." Maria believes that life in different countries helped them both distancing from the situation and overestimate the past. Now they belong to each other with great respect.

Time in separation helped 60-year-old Alexander to close with her daughter. "When Anna went to Canada, we began to correspond. In letters it was easier than by phone, to express the thoughts and feelings that we never voiced in a lively conversation. I missed her very much, but in the first year I did not come to visit. Wrote one day: "This is your time, enjoy them."

There are no ideal mothers nor ideal daughters

Similar relationships with the mother are similar to friendship. And the mother, and the daughter are involved in each other's life, but respectfully relate to personal space. This allows them to overcome the tests and together to enjoy good news. "When I found cancer, Anna led himself very noble - invited to him to live, and I could see my granddaughter every day," says Alexander. "We as if they gave a tight promise: we can be together, but at the same time every living and engaged in your life, no matter how heavy it is."

There are neither ideal mothers nor ideal daughters. The main thing - you definitely will not have another mother. Realizing this, you can if you don't stop angry with your mother for her mistakes, then at least try to behave like an adult woman and build communication from this position. Then the relationship between you will be not perfect, but conscious, and your life is more relaxed and happy.

How to make relationship with mother more mature

Show interest. What was in your mom's life besides motherhood? How was her childhood, youth? What she dreamed about, what came true about what she regrets? Try to look at your native person from the side, not only as a daughter. It will provide an opportunity to appreciate the motives of her actions in a new way.

Look for similarity. Yes, you are different, but Mom gave you not only life, but also 50% of their genes. Maybe you have common hobbies or you like to cook close, just as you once prepared mom. Ultimately you both are women. The more her sides are you willing to accept, the less the offense will poison your life.

Communicate. Try to talk about what you never talked about. So you can move away from the usual style of communication, formed in childhood, and at the same time learn something new about the close person.

Speak straight. What are you waiting for your mother, what do you see your relationship? If you clearly and confidently express your position, the other side is likely to react to her with respect. Straight Ask Mom: "What can I do for you?" Remember, it is probably more difficult for her for education. Pleasant little things that you can please each other will help to get closer. As a rule, mothers need so little.

Write a letter. Work over the internal attitude towards the mother you carry. One way to forgive and let go - write a letter, setting out all the feelings, claims and wishes.