I don't know how to communicate with guys. Psychological attitudes that cause fear of men. It is important to be able to carry on a conversation

Unfortunately, it happens that a young man may lose interest in his girlfriend. The matter may be aggravated by the fact that you have to communicate with this person. Of course, it is difficult to make this communication casual, but it is still possible. By following the tips in this article, you will be able to have a casual conversation with a guy who has lost interest in you. Take time to think about the reasons why your ex-boyfriend lost interest in you. By doing this, you will reduce the likelihood that your future relationships will fail. In addition, it will be easier for you to communicate with the young man with whom you broke up. In this situation, the most important thing is to come to terms with what happened and move on. Thanks to this, you will not have problems when you talk with a young man.

Steps

Lead the conversation

Ask yourself if this is really necessary. If a young man no longer has feelings for you, then, most likely, he is unlikely to have a desire to communicate with you. Save yourself the pain and embarrassment. Take a step back and think about what you want to talk to him about.

• If you feel like you should discuss something important with your boyfriend, be sure to do so. But if you're looking for an excuse to talk to this person again, bite your tongue and give up.

1. Be polite. Regardless of what you want to discuss, make sure that your conversation takes place without unnecessary emotions. Keep calm. Talk to young man just as if you were making a request to a salesperson in a store. For example, you could say:

   • “Do you have a minute? I need to ask you something."
   • "Hello! If you're not busy, I need to talk to you."
   • “Sorry for distracting you. Can you give me a few minutes?"

2. Get straight to the point. Most likely, the young man does not want to have a long, intimate conversation with you. Don't beat around the bush, but get straight to the point. Thanks to this, the young man will not think that he is wasting his time. For example, just say:

   • “I remembered that I forgot my sweater with you. Can you bring it tomorrow?"
   • “Oleg called me last night and said that he would be in town for next week. He wants to see you. I just wanted to tell you about this."
   • “I just wanted to return the book you gave me. Hold her."

3. Avoid long, complicated conversations. If you need to talk about something more serious than returning a sweater, don't spend too much time explaining the problem. State your request clearly. Don't repeat the same thing. IN otherwise your interlocutor will lose interest or become defensive. In this case, you should not count on understanding on his part.

   • For example, if you want to know why a guy stopped communicating with you, ask him directly about it. You can say: “I don’t fully understand why you stopped communicating with me. Maybe I said or did something wrong? Tell me honestly about it."
   • Most likely, you will find it very difficult to summarize the essence of the problem. If so, try writing down what you want to say and rehearsing it. Set a goal of limiting yourself to five minutes.

4. Be prepared to change the subject if you feel the situation is heating up. If you see an argument breaking out between you, be prepared to change the subject. Steer the conversation in a positive direction. For example:

   • Let's say while you were in a relationship you got a dog. Now you are arguing about who will become its owner, and the dispute is reaching a dead end.
   • IN similar situation you can say, “We can solve this problem later.” Bring up another topic for discussion. Choose a topic that you can discuss to reach a common opinion. For example, you could talk about canceling a trip you booked when you were together.
   • If you learn to find a compromise by deciding simple questions, it will be easier for you to come to unanimous opinion when something serious needs to be resolved. Of course, this does not mean at all that the young man will change his decision. However, at least he will talk to you in a respectful manner.

5. Write him a message. Do this if you feel that talking in person will not bring desired result. When you read his messages, try to put yourself in his shoes. Don't rush him to answer. Wait until he thinks about what you wrote. He should not feel that he is in a difficult situation. This makes it more likely that he will think things through carefully before responding to you.

   Keep your emotions under control. Emotions are an integral part of our life. So don't worry if you feel enough strong feelings and emotions. However, remember that if you want to build successful relationship, you need to learn to control your emotions. Think about how often, while in a relationship, you allowed yourself to indulge in unnecessary emotions, such as anger.

   Reflect on how you behave when conflict or misunderstanding arises. You may have been able to stay in the relationship as long as things were going well. However, faced with misunderstandings, the situation quickly changed. Remember how you behaved in such a situation. Ask yourself what you need to change about yourself to learn how to resolve conflicts.

Deal with your feelings

Accept the situation. You are probably worried about the situation not repeating itself in the future. However, first of all, you need to accept the situation that exists. Remember that it is much more difficult to survive difficult situation, if you don't admit that it exists. The first step is to accept the problem. Of course, the very thought that a young man no longer likes you can cause strong heartache. However, by accepting it, you can cope with this pain.

I don't know how to communicate with guys. I refuse offers to meet because I don’t know what to do during this “period” of meetings. I don’t want sex (or rather, not right away, but I do). I don't know how to kiss. What advice would you give me? Take it and try it? P.S. I'm 18

What if a guy appreciates the fact that he’s even your first kiss and you’ll be interested in him! Going on a date doesn’t mean getting married!))) It’s time to fight uncertainty and just take a step! And everyone had their first kisses and sex!

This is emptiness, I'm busy

Wait for the moment when you meet a guy who you want to date. What do you mean you want sex? Do you feel excited even without knowing how to kiss? Or do you think it’s time?

Well, tell me, do you know how to skate, bike, snowboard, swim? do you know how? Did you learn right away? So you got on your bike and went straight away? I think no. Also in relationships. Until you meet anyone, you will have little idea what to do and how to be. If you are offered a meeting and you like the person, why not try? No one will force you into bed) You have your head on your shoulders - and everything will be fine. There is nothing complicated about “kissing”. It's easier than it seems, believe me. If you like the person, everything will happen by itself.

It sounds strange to take it and try it. and is it okay that you are 18 years old or does it scare you that you are not like your peers who are already dating someone? I think there’s no need to take it and try it just for fun, otherwise you’ll suddenly regret it. It must be out of love and mutually, otherwise it’s some kind of nonsense. I think you’re a good girl and you understand it all right

Of course, try, without trying, you won’t know, what if everything works out. You know what they say: “having taken a risk, we have 2 options: it will work out or not, without taking a risk, there is only one.” So go ahead!) As for the kiss, the guy will do everything himself, your task is to try to relax and catch the wave) Don’t be afraid.

When you are offered to “meet”, it immediately obliges you to do something. Immediately some roles. When asked to date, simply say that you are not ready to immediately take on the role of someone’s girlfriend, offer to get to know each other better: go to the movies together, communicate. If you are interested in a person as a friend, as an interlocutor, you will want to really spend a lot of time with him, everything will go your way. And just meet with a stranger to be listed as his girlfriend and receive bouquets and sweets on duty is quite pointless))). You can puzzle the next person who suggests meeting with questions: what do you mean by that? “Dating” without feeling in love is somehow stupid!))

there is nothing to do if there is no desire, everything has its time

I'll say it briefly))) It's better to see once than to hear 10 times))
It may seem that I’m talking off topic, but without trying something new, there’s no way to move to the next level)

You see a question that one of the site users asked the Universe, and the answers to it.

The answers are either people very similar to you, or your complete opposites.
Our project was conceived as a way psychological development and growth, where you can ask advice from “similar” people and learn from “very different” people what you don’t yet know or haven’t tried.

Do you want to ask the Universe about something important to you?

Hello, I have a problem, I don’t know how to communicate with guys... I’m 17, I’m a cheerful girl, I think I’m even pretty, you can’t call me modest either, but when I need to communicate with the opposite sex, I become a different person! If I like a guy, then that’s THE END, I just don’t know what to do: how to behave, how to show him my sympathy, how to please him... but most importantly, I’m very afraid to show that I like the young man, instead I I’m starting to hide my feelings behind a mask of indifference: (I don’t know how to make acquaintances with boys either, I’m afraid I won’t like them.
There are beliefs in my head:
1) if a guy likes me, then he himself will get to know me, but not one of those who would be at least a little attractive to me has done this..
2) I'm waiting perfect guy, the same one, but I understand that he may never come.
3) I always think about what others will think and what that person I like will think.
4) I'm not good enough for someone.
All this really interferes with my life; if I don’t do something now to solve these problems, then, knowing my character, I will live “waiting for a miracle” all my life.
I really ask you for help, give advice, tell me what to do, maybe there are some books on psychology, etc.
Sincerely.

Polina, Russia, 17 years old

Psychologist's answer:

Hello, Polina.

1. They may be no less afraid of you than you are of them. Young people have the same fears and anxieties as girls. 2. The ideal does not exist, because people and the world are imperfect. 3. It's normal. The main thing is that the final and priority question is “What do I think.” 4. You don’t have to be good for someone, and even to such a sufficient extent that someone is satisfied with it. You have to be yourself. That's what's interesting. With everything you are and look like. This is called individuality. If you are afraid to show your feelings, you may assume that it is dangerous for you and you need to defend yourself. Accordingly, analyze your unconscious belief, whether these risks exist, what they are, what the worst thing can happen. if they find out your feelings? Will you be rejected or ridiculed? Will you be manipulated? Where did this expectation come from? Think about it.

Sincerely, Lipkina Arina Yurievna.

Often, some girls lament the fact that they are unable to build an easy and relaxed dialogue with a guy. And in general, it happens that a conversation with a young man you like turns out to be somewhat strained, and for this reason it may break off completely. What nuances should a girl take into account when communicating with the opposite sex in order to avoid such misunderstandings?

How to communicate with guys in person

It is important to be able to carry on a conversation

Learn to talk about different topics

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Casual conversation in moderation

I want to die. I don't know how to communicate with people. Many people say that I am downtrodden. I grew up without a father, so I probably have problems communicating with guys. More precisely, it is missing. Since childhood, a boy at school told me that I was scary, it was very offensive. Then I entered a serious university (medical school), I lived only by studying, I didn’t have much money and I didn’t want to strain my mother, I wore weird clothes. Now I have changed, changed my hairstyle, clothes, but for some reason the guys don’t want to communicate with me, it seems to me that I cause some kind of disgust in them... Although I’m definitely not scary, I’m ordinary. I also noticed that I have some kind of subconscious fear of men (any kind). I can’t get rid of this.. Tell me, give advice please, sometimes such melancholy comes over me... I’m afraid that I’ll be alone all my life...
Support the site:

Sveta, age: 19/10.05.2014

Responses:

Dear Sveta!

I also grew up without a father. And I was also never confident in my appearance, and my mother only added fuel to the fire, at times. What can I say? Over time, I simply began to appreciate myself, and my appearance blossomed. I didn’t even notice, but the guys became interested in me. Look for something beautiful in yourself, something that someone important to you once noticed in you, noted, but you didn’t take it seriously. Everyone has such a person and such quality, believe me! This quality will become your starting point, your support on the path of self-knowledge. It’s not the person who looks beautiful who is beautiful, but the one who accepts himself in all his manifestations. And also, write a letter to your father, just a letter, without sending it. Write there everything that falls on paper, paper will endure everything, and you have something to say, right? Write and give yourself time!

Piezo, age: 35 / 05/10/2014

Svetochka, don't worry. You are still so young. Everything is ahead of you, just work on yourself. There's so much now different methods about this theme. Try it and everything will work out. The main thing is not to sit and groan that I’m unhappy. Guys are drawn to cheerful girls, not "clogged". Good luck to you.

Sveta, age: 40 / 05/10/2014

Hello, Light)

Practice communication more))
look for VK guys who have either a number on the page or a Skype account name)
call and chat)
come, I'll hug you)
All the best to you)

Denis, age: 18 / 10.05.2014

Dear Sveta!

Once upon a time at school a guy told me that I was “ugly.” Probably, yes, she didn’t look pretty - there was no toothpaste at home, no normal soap, no shampoo... there was nothing to eat, and I’m generally silent about clothes. So what? I grew up. I started earning money, taking care of myself - I became a real person, I look in the mirror and admire it.)))

What once was has died. You are now who you are NOW. Unfortunately, our appearance often changes for the better, but our self-esteem seems to be frozen and does not move upward. Let's help her! Let's learn to see our merits - in appearance, character. We will study the guys and their habits. In fact, they don’t want so much - a pretty, kind and positive girl nearby.

I'm sure you're sweet, attractive, worthy girl. All you have to do is work a little on your self-esteem and your ability to communicate with guys. Look for books on this topic, read, practice. Ask friends who have boyfriends for advice. Good luck!!!

Ekaterina, age: 30 / 05/10/2014

Hello,
Find something good in your appearance and don't hide it. Do your hair and so on. If you have beautiful legs, then don't wear trousers or jeans at all. Try walking down the street with positive attitude and in his at its best. Maybe men are throwing interested glances at you, but you don’t notice? Forget about the guys at the university for now, look outside the university.

Also read books about “body language”. About 60% of communication goes through it. Posture, gait, looking into the eyes - all this is important. Don’t cross your arms over your chest, don’t keep your hands in your pockets.
If you put up some barriers, then initially not only guys, but also girls may not approach you.

sk, age: 34 / 05/10/2014

Hello, Sveta) And here almost all of us grew up without a father, IMHO. I remember how my brother called me fat, and I believed him. And this with a weight of 45 kg.
Don't listen to anyone. Previously, I was also worried that I might be left alone. All the guys ignored me, and I changed my style, well, it’s like a classic, because “men love feminine women". I read this on the Internet) In general, I read books about relationships, and like a fool I followed the advice. All to no avail... And suddenly I really didn’t want all this. I just didn’t want to be in a relationship. I started living my own life, cutting off my hair , started wearing sneakers again, decided to fulfill an old dream...
In general, from the moment I scored, the guys began to really respect me. They proposed 2 times. But I refused for personal reasons...
My friend, who had suffered from communication problems all her life, was also afraid to be alone. In short, she went to Orphanage do charity work. On Sundays I spent time with the kids. And now she is married to a man who loves her very much. There's one here spiritual law what than more people selflessly gives to the world, the more good life will give it to him later. But it is important to do good for the sake of good, and not for the sake of your own goals.
Another friend, incredibly beautiful, but couldn’t find anyone for herself. And I was very worried. I married my dentist when I came to him, scared and crying with a swollen cheek.
Another friend was also going crazy that she had no one. Her husband turned out to be the son of his mother's client. She happened to drop by for a visit and her son was dropping her off. There I met my friend. And she was in a dirty robe and with an unwashed hair. And damn, there really are a lot of examples.
Communication problems and personal life are two different things. After all, in the life of every closed person there appears someone with whom he opens up.
Be a good man and don't worry. He will find you himself)

Age: - / 05/11/2014

“I also noticed that I have some kind of subconscious fear of men (any)” it seems that the root of the problem is precisely this, sometimes our brain (our subconscious) protects us from undesirable consequences, you should ask yourself the question, do you really want a relationship with a martyr? I’ll explain why, with your mind you can say to yourself “I’m 19 years old and I’m not a martyr, I’m somehow not like that, etc.” And in turn, your subconscious tells you: “no, even if he approaches, you’re still not what he wants to see you, so you won’t succeed (for example), thereby protecting you from broken heart or something else. Often people who live in thoughts of self-prophecy, for example: “no one will EVER love me,” “I’m ugly,” etc. themselves close the approach, 2 halves, because how can a person get through anti-tank hedgehogs and barricades, and even under fire? bullets The problem is that this prophecy may be unconscious and in order to get rid of it you often need a face-to-face consultation with a psychologist or careful self-analysis, and remember the proverb: “Without God there is no way to the threshold” after all complex issue As a search for a life partner, we should address it to the main heart expert and the one who knows better than us what will be good for us and what will be bad. Pray for the Lord to arrange your life. Good luck and health!!!

Pavel, age: 23 / 05/11/2014

Sveta, try to forgive your father, and then other men who hurt you. This will not happen right away, it may even take a lot of time. But you will feel when you have forgiven, you will feel at ease. And relationships with men will improve. Forgiveness may take six months, or maybe a year. But when you can say “Dad, I forgive you” and forget why they were offended by him, everything will go differently

Linda, age: 43 / 05/11/2014