Secrets of a happy family life. Common interests and experiences

According to statistics, after several years of marriage, many couples live as cohabitants, or even decide to divorce. Therefore, we have prepared for you some tips that are suitable for both those who have just started dating and those who are already preparing for the wedding or are already in a family relationship.

A strong family does not start at the registry office or even at the time of the birth of the child. It begins with the mutual respect of the spouses for each other, support and the ability to negotiate.

This item refers rather to the stronger sex. Although, we will not argue, modern women do not mind taking the initiative into their own hands. As studies by American scientists have shown, it is worth focusing on the number 3. If a couple has been dating for about three years, then it's time to move on to a new stage of relationship and build a strong family. In the case when your partner is in no hurry to propose to you even after 3 years of relationship, you should think about his somewhat serious intentions. The takeaway is that you shouldn't delay the proposal too long. But here everything is very individual.

Based on the research of the same American scientists, you can see the following statistics: couples who got married before the age of 23 broke up in 70% of cases. The reason is simple: in marriage it was more difficult for these people to realize themselves, to get a higher or a second higher education. Also, most of those who stamped their passports after 32 got divorced in the first years of marriage. Here, the habits accumulated by this age in each representative of the couple played an important role. Some of them were hard to come to terms with.

In general, the age of the partners plays a role. The greater the difference in the age of the spouses, the greater the likelihood of divorce. Many experts assure that girls who choose older men as companions quickly lose their attractiveness and look much older than their years. But men, on the contrary, such a union is young. When they are with a young girl, they gain more confidence and flourish.

Don't spend a lot of money on a wedding

A luxurious diamond ring and an expensive wedding are not at all the guarantee of a happy marriage. On the contrary, according to statistics, 46% of couples who spent 500,000 or 1 million rubles on a wedding filed for divorce. And those who spent less than 500,000 rubles on a wedding got divorced only in 17% of cases. Of course, if you live in such prosperity that an expensive wedding is not a serious waste for you, then feel free to celebrate! Otherwise, it is better to put this money in the right direction, for example, to improve living conditions or go on an unforgettable romantic honeymoon trip.

If you decide to choose a healthy, calm and well-balanced man as your life partner, then he will certainly be able to provide you with a decent and long life together. This was found by researchers at the University of Chicago. They also found that a woman does not have to be reserved.

Legal marriages in 46% of cases break up less often than, for example, civil ones. If the passport does not have a stamp, then a man no longer perceives such a marriage as something serious. And he does not consider himself a married man with many obligations.

Most family conflicts begin precisely because the spouses do not know how to properly express their feelings and emotions. Due to improper communication, there is a distance from each other. Express your thoughts clearly, without the need to look for hidden implications in them.

Sometimes one of the spouses needs to be alone, in silence and just go about their business. Don't push yourself too hard or try to please in everything 24/7. It's quite tiring, and he just wants to run away with such care.

Therefore, if your man asked you to leave him alone or just wanted to be alone, do not panic! This is normal. He is not offended and has not lost interest in you. Some couples, even on vacation, manage to find a little time to be apart, in their independence.

Sometimes everyday life destroys romance and passion in a relationship, and spouses begin to look for feelings on the side, ceasing to feel loved and desired. Before going all out, try to talk to your partner, discuss with him options for how to return old emotions to the relationship.

Don't forget about commitments

Each of those entering into marriage must understand that this is not just cohabitation, which should end as soon as the passion in the relationship fades away. This is, first of all, the creation of a family by two serious adults, who now have obligations towards each other. If the spouses think the same way, then the relationship will be successful.

Common interests and experiences

According to statistics, there are fewer divorces specifically among those couples where the spouses have common interests, values \u200b\u200band outlook on life. And when the spouses have opposite views on the conduct of life, raising children, planning a budget, respectively, there is misunderstanding and quarrels that can result in divorce. So find common interests!

Also, do not forget to try something new, but always together! Make great and small discoveries together and regularly. It could be a new restaurant around the corner, an unusual art exhibition, or even a hike in the mountains. Sometimes, playing a board game in the evening is enough to learn something new about your partner and feel new in the relationship.

Be wiser

Sometimes there are times when a loved one can be annoyed and snap back for no reason, hurting their other half. If this happens, try to ignore it. Do not exacerbate the situation by clarifying the relationship. Try to figure out what is the reason for this behavior. And if you yourself offended your husband and realized this, do not forget to ask for forgiveness and do not skimp on kisses. It is advisable to do this within 5 minutes after the spat. And such a quick reconciliation will serve as an example for your soulmate about how to make peace.

Self-realization

A happy wife is the key to a strong family. The more comfortable and desirable a woman feels in marriage, the stronger the union. Only a beloved woman can make her husband happy. Everything is interconnected.

Many women sacrifice themselves to their families, pushing themselves and their needs into the background. As a result, after a while they feel unhappy, become irritable and give themselves completely to everyday life. There is no need to be afraid to go against the prevailing stereotypes that a woman should live only for the sake of her family, and also to fear the anger of her husband.

You also need to think about yourself, your interests and impulses, but your significant other will support you. After all, a loving man will never be against the self-realization of his beloved. And it doesn't matter at all how this self-realization will be expressed: in conquering career heights, sewing or comprehending the culinary art.

Sometimes the spouses may have disputes about who is washing the dishes, and sometimes men even prefer not to take part in everyday matters. But the traditional division of responsibilities between the sexes, a man is a breadwinner, a woman is a homemaker, has long been in the past. In modern times, men and women work the same way, and sometimes a woman can even build a more successful career. Therefore, you should not require your spouse to start the "second shift" at the stove when she comes home from work. Try to distribute household chores, and if you have financial resources, then hire someone to take care of all the house cleaning.

If you are an early riser and fall asleep early, and your husband is an owl and prefers to watch TV shows until the morning, let him put you to bed. Talk before going to bed, remember the past day, tell each other interesting stories, share worries and fears, discuss important life decisions. And you will feel the atmosphere of comfort and tenderness. This is so much better and more enjoyable than just saying “Good night” to each other and closing the bedroom door.

Showing politeness and tenderness

Do not forget to thank each other, say "thank you", "please." Regular compliments will not be superfluous. Smile at each other more often. Even if your partner is not really funny joking, do not show it, it is better to smile or even laugh together. If we are stressed or distracted by something, we forget about it, although the warmth of the relationship should not be forgotten for a minute. Try to be a companion with whom it is pleasant to go through life.

There are no ideal relationships, but you can do everything to make them grow into a long and happy marriage. If there are any problems in the relationship, it is important to acknowledge them and understand, and not close our eyes to what is happening. In a strong family, both husband and wife are equal partners who support each other, rejoice in the victories of their other half, and are not afraid to talk about what worries. We hope our tips will help you.

The secret of a happy marriage is one of the important topics that excite women of all ages. Men are also interested in this issue, but, unfortunately, to a lesser extent than they would like.

Why do some marital unions exist for decades, and some couples break up after a year or two? What is the secret to a happy family life? Let's figure it out.

Three kinds of love

They say: love is multifaceted. For a long time, philosophers have distinguished:

1. Personal attachment to a person, the desire to establish emotional contact with a partner. A happy marriage is impossible without sincere affection, which serves as a source of inspiration, joy and confidence in the future.
2. Love-friendshipwhen the spouses feel not only tender, but also friendly feelings. In such a marriage, the partner will provide a reliable shoulder in time, listen, advise how to solve the problem. The spouses experience joy and sorrow together, like true friends.
3. Romantic relationship, the physical attraction of men and women. Passion without love cannot last long. Only in marriage can partners reveal to each other the hidden corners of their souls and fully trust their loved one. Courtship, gentle words, kisses and hugs are important components of a happy union. Without romance, relationships become poorer, the emotional connection between partners is lost.

Secrets of a Happy Family Life

• Mutual respect - the basis, without which there is no love. Do not try to impose your opinion on your partner, treat the thoughts and views of your loved one with understanding. Rudeness, ridicule, baseless accusations and unflattering words kill love.
• Do not harbor resentment, talk to each other about problems. Forgiving is the foundation of family life. Sincere repentance and admission of mistakes is strength, not weakness. Couples in which the spouses do not talk for weeks after a quarrel will not last long.
• Selfishness is one of the factors that destroy marriage.... If one of the partners thinks only about his desires and tries to achieve the goal by any means, nothing good can be expected. Selfishness and marriage are incompatible. Appreciate the interests of your partner, take care of him - and your life will certainly become happier.
• Despite gender equality and women's desire for independence respect a man's aspirations for leadership... Let him be the head, and you the neck, which will help in choosing the right path. The head of the family will take responsibility for the well-being and strength of the family. Do not take away from a man his role, make him feel like a master.
• Chat with your spouse, do not close in your shell, show sincere attention to his interests. Share your joy and grief, tell about your feelings, plans. Do not generate indifference by exchanging the usual phrases: "How are you?", "What's at work?" Living with a stranger in the same apartment is a real punishment.
• Create coziness and pleasant atmosphere in your home... No wonder they say that the "weather" in the family depends on the woman. Warmth, tenderness, sincere concern for a loved one, delicious dinner, clean linen will show your spouse that you care about him. Become a Real Woman!
• Discuss all questions, do not think that your spouse will guess your thoughts. Straightforward conversation is the best way to deal with any family problem. A calm tone, the ability to listen to a partner is a good help during a conversation.
• Solve the money issue... It is finances that often cause quarrels and discord in the family. Discuss how to spend money, how to run a household, how to distribute wages, who will do household bookkeeping. The sooner you find a solution, the fewer conflicts over money will happen in your family.
• Have a fulfilling sex life... Do not think that romance is needed only during the candy-bouquet period. The longer you remain fond of each other and sexually attractive, the stronger your marriage will be.

• Don't try to remake your spouse! Everyone knows this rule, but few follow it. This is especially true for women. Trying to blind the ideal husband, they kill the individuality in the spouse, generate protests and unnecessary quarrels. Endless quibbles and orders will nullify all feelings.
• Respect each other's privacylet your spouse be alone with your thoughts. In happy families, everyone has their own corner where you can take a break from communication.
• Create family traditions... Family ritual is a good way to show that you are family. Don't copy friends and relatives, choose what you like.
• Don't sacrifice family interests for your career.... Try to achieve harmony in the allocation of time you devote to work and family. Otherwise, one day you will understand that no one is waiting for you at home, the family is destroyed, and you have only useless labor achievements.
• Don't let your family interfere with your life... Listen to their advice, but make decisions on all issues only together with your spouse. In happy families, partners try to find a middle ground in communicating with loved ones. Remember: the intrusive attention of relatives, the imposition of their views by them destroyed more than one family.

There are many secrets to a happy marriage. Only work on relationships, the desire to understand a loved one, mutual trust and respect will help spouses live a long and happy life.

Unfortunately, many, already at the beginning of their family life, suddenly, unexpectedly for themselves, realize how difficult it is sometimes to get away from conflicts, to solve joint problems and at the same time try not to hurt anyone's interests ...

Why are we creating a family?

To go with your companion through life, to help each other in family relationships, so that happy children appear in the family.

Most people will probably answer that way. Although there are, of course, marriages of convenience, where each side pursues its own benefit.

But, nevertheless, we all try to find happiness in family life. And, as a result, together to celebrate the "golden" wedding, so that again, like for the first time, look at your loved one and repeat: "In trouble and in joy, in wealth and poverty .."

What is a "golden" wedding, and what are the recipes for such a happy longevity in marriage?

Gold is a noble yellow metal, malleable, chemically very inert, it does not change in air even when heated.

Isn't it fair, because in order to live 50 years together, you need a special "malleability", softness of character, invariability of feelings even "when heated from the outside", inertia symbolizes the constancy of direction in movement towards the goal.

Likewise, in marriage, we have been moving towards a common goal together throughout our family life, confident in the reliability and support of our partner.

Unfortunately, many, already at the beginning of their family life, suddenly suddenly realize how difficult it is at times to get away from conflicts, to solve joint problems and at the same time try not to hurt anyone's interests.

Apparently, that is why some married couples quickly leave, never even living up to their "wooden" wedding. In our time, unfortunately, very few people live up to platinum, let alone "gold".

And yet, maybe there are some recipes for those who seriously want to live happily ever after in a family and die in one day?

Have you noticed that our grandfathers, for the most part, live out their family life together? Our mothers are no longer so burdened with family ties, unfortunately. And all because old people generally never, as a rule, considered the option - divorce.

In their thinking and consciousness, there were other options out of the crisis situation, but not a divorce. And now, almost something is wrong and get a divorce, look for another ....

And what is the point of getting a divorce if a person cannot solve a family problem? In the next marriage, again a divorce? As an example, one of my acquaintances, an elderly married couple, concluding a marriage, agreed - if conflict situations arise in the family, the husband silently gathers and goes for a walk. During a long family life, my husband had to wind more than one kilometer around the house, so this family lived to see the golden wedding.

Of course, you need to get rid of misconceptions about family life "on the shore", so to speak, take off your "rose-colored" glasses, such as the fact that common children necessarily cement the marriage and make the married couple happier.

Numerous studies prove that the appearance of the first-born in the family provokes the first serious conflicts in the family and here the main thing is to stay “afloat”, that is, to correctly distribute your attention and strength, and this is the work of women exclusively.

However, there is a plus: according to statistics, as a percentage, married couples with children get divorced somewhat less often than childless families. You should also not be in the clouds (by the way, I will say right away - unfortunately, but this is the way things are), and think that the key to a long and successful marriage is luck and romantic feelings.

The secret of a long marriage, as family "long-livers" admit, is in mutual understanding and friendly relations between partners.

They are sure that they built their marriage themselves - with hard mental work, the desire to devote themselves to a partner and the observance of their marriage obligations.

The happiest married couples are friends who live a common life, whose interests and aspirations coincide.

There is also an opinion that men love clever and beautiful women, and marry "fools", and the fact that the better a woman is educated, the less chances she has not only to get married, but also to live a long and happy family life.

It is believed that such a wife will definitely be higher than her spouse, to whom this will constantly annoy him, infringe on him and, as a result, he will find himself a simpleton. This is not true. With an interesting and educated woman, a man is comfortable not only at home, but also in public, where he will again and again be proud of how erudite his other half is and, accordingly, appreciate her more and more every year.

When getting married, be prepared to not only accept signs of attention from your spouse, but also show similar gestures towards him. And if you love, then demand the same love from your partner. That is, to apply the same amount of effort in relation to each other.

It seems that this is what distinguishes the so-called "high relationship", which we all dream of. Otherwise, even the best family relationships will surely crack soon.

Another mistake is that some believe that civil marriage contributes to a long future marriage: couples have time to get to know each other better.

However, many studies confirm the opposite: couples who live together before marriage are much more likely to divorce than those who only started building their lives after marriage.

Unfortunately, dry statistics cannot fully cover the reasons. Perhaps the fact is that the very people who have a positive attitude towards civil marriage are more prone to divorce. There is a theory that premarital living together provokes some negligence in the relationship: they say, since we are not married, then our relationship is not serious and can be easily ended.

Later, after marriage, a similar attitude is projected onto family life. Therefore, as you understand, if we are to build something for centuries, then we must start from the foundation.

At the same time, by the way, you should not be sure that your family relations, after being printed in your passport, will continue along the knurled line. Remember that a family is like building a house in which the foundation is laid out brick by brick, and then the whole building of family life.

In other words, family life is the daily work of two people. Otherwise, you may end up with a freak building.

One of the most serious mistakes is the belief that in marriage you will continue to make love for years, all with the same intensity as it was during courtship. Try to understand and accept the fact that passion hormones tend to subside a little over time.

All this is quite natural. And if so, then take the situation into your own hands and periodically just put "order" in your intimate relationships. It is not at all necessary to completely dissolve in each other and to know absolutely everything about your husband.

This is not at all interesting and also dangerous, because there is a possibility of losing all interest in it. And therefore, do not yourself report to your betrothed about literally everything that happens to you; let you have your own little secrets.

And this applies not only to your work, relationships with your boss and friends, but also the secrets of your personal attractiveness. In this regard, he absolutely does not need to know how your cheeks are filled with blush, your eyes and hair shine, and the contours of your mouth become more defined.

Well, of course, do not strive to control literally every step of your faithful and try by hook or by crook to be near every second almost every second. Acting in this way, you will soon just get tired of each other.

It is no coincidence that it is believed that there is no better way to hate each other than to constantly be around.

Therefore, we draw the correct conclusion: live your life, get as much pleasure from it as possible, and only after that share it with the one who accompanies you through family life.

Only in this way will you be happy together and only in this way will you have a chance to live in a happy marriage until the "golden" wedding.

Ayurveda, a traditional Indian medicine, considers: A man needs to find a chaste wife to be successful in life.... A man is a protector. The desire to lead and be responsible for someone is inherent in the male psyche.

We, women, need support and protection, that is what we first look for in husbands. Not seeing this, we begin to educate a man in family relationships. But if a woman prevents her husband from being a leader in the family, tries to control and give advice on how to make money, if she indicates with whom to build relationships, how to relate to other people, what to do, she considers him not entirely smart - there will be no happiness in such a family ...

Until a woman instinctively or consciously submits to a man in family relations, he will not be able to reveal his best masculine qualities.

The husband will begin to degrade, and after a while the wife will not even be able to respect him. Unfortunately, this situation is not uncommon.

Once a woman is in a dependent position, the man automatically becomes more responsible for the family. Our mistake is that we are trying to resolve all issues with the help of force, pressure, criticizing a man, which, by the way, should not be done in any case.

You can give a lot of advice on how to live a long and happy family life, but in my opinion, respect, trust are two main points for family life.

And, of course, the initial “foundation” in the family: a man is a wall, a breadwinner, a protector. A woman is home, comfort and tenderness.

This is the foundation of every family that can proudly say: “We are newlyweds again! Gold ".

With wishes for a happy family life and longevity

Previous news

She looks at him, contempt pours from her eyes and spreads around: "Yes, but at different times."

This little remark showed everything in the relationship of this married couple.

Long, happy marriage: does this still happen? I think we have to wait fifty years to find out. Of course, no one should tolerate insults and stay married for the sake of "keeping the family together." If your spouse insults and humiliates you, then in any case he has already violated the terms of the "contract" (remember that you swore to "love and care"). But the now widespread expression "society of lost opportunities" can also mean that absolutely normal relationships are too quickly rejected on the grounds that they do not look ideal.

The irony is that the current obsession with "personal wealth" - in other words, self-worth at the expense of others - has left more people frustrated, sad and lonely. Marriages burst into flames and burn when old spouses are replaced with "new versions" that are certainly always "better." It seems that the ideas of duty, obligation, and responsibility are thrown by the wayside - along with happiness.

A happy marriage is, above all, health

Marriage may seem old-fashioned and faded like old ink, but repeated research shows that people who have lived their entire lives with one spouse are the happiest, and that married people are statistically happier and live longer than single people. Do we know why some marriages are successful and others are not?

Today we already know what should be avoided and what should be supported and developed in every possible way for a happy and healthy marriage. Of course, there are no perfect marriages, but there are a lot of happy ones. Difficulties also happen in happy couples, but they have a constant sense of community: "we", not "you" and "me".

Stick to the following strategic rules (I mean both spouses) and who knows, maybe in 50 years you will tell me about all the medical and psychological benefits you have received and the happiness that you have enjoyed all these years.

So, first of all:

1) Be realistic about your marriage expectations

Romanticism is great, and seeing the best in your spouse is a surefire way. keep love and closeness. However, you are going to be together for many years, so you need to be able to close your eyes to some of your spouse's imperfections. In the first outbursts of passion, the object of our romantic attention may seem devoid of flaws, but later we discover weaknesses hidden for the time being. At this moment, in order to continue the marriage, we need to look further and deeper, to see that "behind" the partner's shortcomings and weaknesses, after all, no one is perfect. Family relationships are indispensable, and expectations that everything will be easy and that everything will always be "perfect" only lead to disappointment (the lot of all unrealistic expectations).

Idealize your spouse as best you can, but remember that he / she is only human.

2) Sorry shouldn't be the hardest word to pronounce

Have you noticed that some people never apologize, never admit they were wrong, and never say "I'm sorry"? Have you noticed? So, these people are much less likely to ever get married or keep it.

Surveys of married people show that people who are happily married are twice as likely to be able and willing to ask their partner for forgiveness as divorced or single people. Polls also show that happy couples are 25% more likely to be the first to apologize, even when one of the spouses feels they are only partially at fault. The more difficult it is for divorced and single people to apologize or make a conciliatory gesture, the more chances they have to remain alone.

Love and passion can bring a couple together, but compromise and respect sustains that union. Learn to say sorry.

3) Drive the riders out of the city who are destroying your relationship

Some couples may fight every day, but remain happily married. Others swear less, but if they do, their relationship suffers a lot. What is the difference?

It's not the point whether you swear or not, but the fact as You swear. This is what determines whether your marriage will last.

There are 4 factors that can destroy a relationship. They are called The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Here they are:

1. Contempt. The manner of address, grimaces of displeasure, curses and insults - in general, by your behavior you show that your partner disgusts you - this is "contempt". If all this is regularly repeated in the initial phase of disagreements, then there are only a few days left until the end of the relationship. Women who look contemptuously while their husband says something are six times more likely to divorce after two years;

2. Defensive position. "Well, why are you sticking to me? Don't look at me like that! What do you want from me ?!"

"But I just asked if you would like some tea!"

Another important predictor of a possible collapse of a relationship is "exceeding the limits of necessary defense." If someone starts yelling as soon as the partner offers to discuss something, if at the same time it seems to him that he is being threatened or attacked, and if this happens regularly, there is a crisis in the relationship. Defensive stance blocks communication and separates spouses;

3. Don't criticize, but be sure to compliment

The spouses who criticize each other risk so damaging their relationship that it will become impossible to "repair" them later ... This does not mean that you cannot express your displeasure if your spouse is upsetting you, but criticism is much more damaging than making a complaint.

When you criticize, the person is attacked generally (even if you didn't want it).

Dissatisfaction is directed only at a separate act and does not affect the person's personality. For example, "You are a lazy pig!" implies that a person is always just like that, and laziness is its basic, fundamental feature. There are no specifics and no time limits, as in "I thought you were a little lazy today. That doesn't sound like you!"

Some people think that constantly pointing out the flaws of a partner, they "make him better." But even with good intentions, the consequences will not be good. If you criticize your spouse in public, then it is humiliating (for both), but when you say something pleasant about him in the company, it is just wonderful.

People in happy marriages feel valued, loved, and respected. Remind your spouse of his talents, strengths, and what you particularly like about them. Nobody likes to feel under constant criticism.

4. Self-elimination or "opposition"

Emotional separation of oneself from a spouse - we “see nothing, hear nothing” when a partner expresses his claims - is another predictor of an imminent break in relations. Women criticize more, men are more inclined to withdraw themselves. Men by nature are not able to cope with strong emotional stress, women have a clear advantage here. Therefore, men instinctively try to avoid quarrels and strong irritation and erect protective walls around themselves.

Self-elimination can be expressed in the fact that the spouse "disconnects" during a conversation or tries to "get in touch" with his wife as little as possible and thus arrange for himself an "escape from prison." The danger of such a pattern of behavior is that it becomes permanent, closing it and possible positive aspects of the relationship to the practitioner.

Everyone needs personal space, but nevernot reacting to the emotional manifestations of a partner, we leave him in the cold behind a closed door.

The amazing thing is that when at least oneof these factors (or "riders") is regularly present in the "showdown", the prospects for these relationships leave much to be desired. Are these "riders" in your marriage?

What else can make your marriage happier?

4) Know what nottalk in marriage

Young couples often want to "dig deeper", learn "all the secrets", be completely open to each other and "discuss everything." But a study of the experiences of older couples who have been happily married for decades shows that these couples often "overlook" what was said when expressing negative emotions. These people also prefer not to pay much attention to their feelings about the relationship, unless they consider something. absolutely necessary... This "threshold" is much higher here than for young couples.

So the typical advice of anxious aunt to "tell everything" and "be completely honest" is not conducive to a healthy and lasting relationship. Agreeing with a complaint and knowing which topics to stay away from is one of the key skills in relationships.

5) Work on problems, but stay at the helm

Another key factor in helping to maintain a relationship when disagreements are between is the habit of changing the topic when the discussion is "off course." Such a quick "switch" reduces the amount of negative emotions and reduces the likelihood of "chewing" the same thing in the future. It also carries the message: "We can argue, but at the same time get along with each other." Thus, the controversial issue acquires boundaries and does not spoils the relationship in general.

The controversy should be a "one-off special," not a lengthy series. It is also important to laugh ...

6) Laugh together - stay together

Regularly recalling romantic times in the past and mentioning them in conversations ("Really great we were then ..." and "Do you remember ...") is a very powerful way to maintain a spiritual connection. But laughing together regularly is even more powerful.

According to recent research, couples who laugh together and regularly recall funny experiences tend to be much more satisfied with their relationship. Create a "fun-filled pantry" and visit it often. Without fun, marriage dries up like a flower without water.

7) Provide 5 "good" cases to one "bad"

For a stable marriage, you need five "good" for one "bad". “Good” can be a warm hug, a pleasant day together, and a discussion of an interesting film, in general, something positive. “Bad” is a quarrel, disagreement, or disappointment.

So make an effort to comply with the 5/1 rule. It will be even better if you follow the next tip.

The better you know your spouse's tastes, his / her aspirations, who they like and dislike from work colleagues, and so on, the higher the quality of your "love card". Knowledge of the details of the external and internal life of the partner (while allowing somepersonal space) strengthens your bond. One coworker of mine did not know the name of the company her (underrated) husband worked for, and one man did not know the name of their pet dog! (Much to his wife's dismay: "He's not interested in anything in the house!")

Adjust your "love map", put new objects on it to better manage your family ship.

Living in a happy marriage is one of the ways to ensure long-term satisfaction with your life for each of you. Follow these tips yourself and ask your spouse to read them too.

The formula for family happiness is perhaps one of the most difficult life formulas. A successful marriage is what most of us strive for. And something that many never manage to create. Divorces, divorces, divorces ... Unhappy spouses, children deprived of the attention of one of the parents, loneliness, firmly settled in the house. All this can be found at every step. But marriages are created with the hope of a long and happy life together! Why does someone succeed in it, but someone does not? What are the secrets of family happiness and do they exist at all?

Exists. And now we will try to find out what these secrets are.

What determines family happiness?

What is the main secret of family happiness? If you look at the relationships of happy couples more closely, you will notice something in common. First, spouses in such couples simply do not exist without each other. In such families, there is no separate “I”, but there is an inextricably linked “we”. Secondly, in successful marriages, the husband and wife communicate a lot with each other. They discuss joint plans, problems, relationships with friends and family, difficulties of professional activity, and so on. Thirdly, in strong families there is trust, thanks to which partners are as frank as possible with each other. They even tell each other about what someone else is ashamed to talk about. And they know how to forgive their companions in life, not criticizing their actions, but gently advising. And, finally, in happy families they do not stir up the past, remembering only the good.

Why it happened that one person became a real half of another is difficult to determine exactly. However, there are several conditions under which the likelihood of a successful marriage increases significantly. These include:

• Love and respect

  It must be admitted that not all marriages are based on lasting love. A superficial feeling of falling in love can quickly fade away, leaving emptiness in its place. Therefore, if we have already decided to start a family, we must learn to transform falling in love into love. And try to respect your soul mate. It so happens that in a family only one of the spouses sincerely and deeply loves. The other just lets himself be loved. This is where respect for your life partner is especially important. On its basis, an immeasurable attachment to a loving partner can develop, which can eventually turn into love;

• Ability to accept another person as they are

  We all have advantages and disadvantages. This is the integrity of human nature, its individuality and, in fact, attractiveness. Trying to remake your soul mate is a thankless task. Yes, and meaningless, because the advantages and disadvantages are relative concepts. Each person decides for himself what suits him in the other and what does not. The opinion of others should not be the main thing in this matter and cannot be a reason for persistent attempts to change a life partner;

• Trust and openness

  In happy families, spouses are not afraid to confess to each other what is most intimate. Being confident that they will be understood, they openly show their feelings. This allows you to exclude suspicions from the relationship and not doubt that in a difficult situation the partner will support and not betray;

• Joint business

  A joint business may be the desire to purchase furniture, a car, housing, apartment decoration, cleaning, cooking dinner ... The main thing is that the spouses get pleasure from it and be in solidarity in their decisions. In addition, it is important that they share responsibility for the consequences of certain actions. And, if trouble arose, they did not blame each other, but tried to cope with them together;

• Lack of competition

  In happy families, husband and wife do not compete with each other either in everyday life or in professional matters. They sincerely rejoice at the achievements of their half and do not find out which of them is more talented or more successful;

• Ability to constructively resolve conflicts

  Not even the most prosperous family can do without quarrels. However, in strong marriages, conflicts have boundaries. Partners do not allow themselves to humiliate and insult each other, and even more so they do not throw themselves at everything that comes to hand. Each of them intuitively senses when to stop. And if the insults were nevertheless blurted out in the heat of a quarrel, the spouses know how to forgive them;

• Mutual sense of humor

  It is especially useful in case of a looming conflict. When two people have the ability to make a joke and laugh at the situation together, their relationship can be considered healthy and their marriage strong. If not, it's time to sound the alarm: life together has cracked;

• The desire to do something nice for your soul mate

  This includes affectionate nicknames, and gifts, and a desire to help, and gentle touches, and a meeting from work and much more. Perhaps, to someone the addresses "zainka", "cat", "honey" will seem sugary. However, without them, family life acquires some official status, which does not allow the spouses to really get closer. Lovely words, coupled with unexpected pleasant surprises, seem to say: “You are my dearest person! I always remember you and want to bring joy ”;

• Ability to properly build relationships with parents

  To “build correctly” in happy families means to discuss all the news, crisis moments and some major events, first of all, among ourselves. It is no secret that many of us, when even minor frictions with our husbands appear, run to complain to our mother. The result of such complaints is usually the growing dislike of the parents towards the husband and the husband towards them. It may well lead to the collapse of the family, even if the spouses initially did not want it at all. Therefore, you should not interfere with your parents in your family affairs. Let them just be very close people, and not controllers and leaders.

Well, here, perhaps, are all the main secrets of family happiness. Of course, every prosperous family has its own little secrets and rituals that help preserve and strengthen the relationship of the spouses. But no rituals will save us from trouble if we start to re-educate our soul mate, we constantly hide something from him, we will not trust each other and we will not find common points of contact for communication. A family where each of the spouses lives on their own cannot be considered complete. It's just a cohabitation of two people who are still comfortable with each other. Their future is uncertain, their well-being is uncertain. Should you create such marriages?

Each of us dreams of happiness. And we often rush to get married, believing that it is in marriage that we will find him. And then we grieve, because my husband turned out not to be what he wanted, a normal family did not work out, scandals do not stop in the house or a gloomy deaf silence hangs. Why do we need such a life? Wouldn't it have been better to wait for someone near whom it would be safe and warm?

Let's see in which case marriage promises to be successful and if we are ready for family life.

Conditions for a successful marriage

So, we are meeting with a rather nice young man and it is as if we are ready to run with him to the registry office. Stop. Family life is not a walk down the boulevard or a pleasant cruise in the Mediterranean. This is painstaking daily work and almost constant work on yourself. To simplify their lives with the help of marriage, young ladies who are not capable of such work usually fail. But to complicate it is easy.

Therefore, before putting on a wedding dress, let's think about whether we really need this young man and whether we are deceiving ourselves and him. Getting along with two different people in the same territory is not easy. After all, they grew up in different conditions and were brought up in different ways. And this means that the spouses will have to go through a period of grinding in, which implies patience, indulgence, and the ability to forgive. Without them, marriage will turn into a continuous hell, where even the harmless habits of a husband or wife can cause a huge scandal.

If we have a strong attraction for a young person, we can probably quickly adopt his lifestyle. Well, when there is no such attraction, both will have a hard time. Attempts to change a spouse, make him live in his own way will either alienate the man or break him. In the first case, he will increasingly leave home, in the second he will turn into a weak-willed henpecked or alcoholic. Is this what we want from our half?

It would seem that adults already have some kind of wisdom and can be relatively flexible, adapting to each other. But that's in theory. In practice, we most often simply demand from our faithful that he give up his habits, find fault, sarcasm, grumble. He snaps, we get turned on, we start remembering the past, we get a whole flurry of indignation in response ... Scandal, stress, tears. And the fault is - the towel thrown by her husband on the edge of the bathtub ...

However, the reason is not in him. It was just that the girl got married, not understanding why she needed this family at all. And all the current conflicts with her husband are an external reflection of her internal dissatisfaction and immaturity. And now marriage oppresses both.

To prevent this from happening, before you converge with a young man under one roof, you need to define a few things for yourself.

1. What do we experience looking at him asleep? Do we want to kiss a man, breathe in his scent, press against his cheek?
2. Are we capable of sacrifices for this young man? Are you ready to sacrifice your desires because of him, without demanding anything in return?
3. Can we forgive any wrongdoing and offense, even when a man does not ask for forgiveness?

If the girl answered all these questions in the affirmative, then everything is in order. She has figured out the secret of family happiness and is ready to create it. Of course, in order for a marriage to be really successful, it is necessary that the man aspire to it. Not striving yet? Don't force things. Otherwise, he will try, already being married, to walk what he did not walk before the wedding. Let's be diplomatic and patient. After all, we are ready to sacrifice our desires for him!

The main enemy of a successful family life is selfishness. It is he who forces the spouses to always present some demands and claims to each other, set conditions, limit the actions of their half, and so on. Our egoism does not allow selflessly, without expecting anything in return, to love another person. And, therefore, it does not allow us to be free and happy.

If we cannot cope with our own selfishness, why create a family? First you need to learn how to control yourself and your feelings, develop patience and the ability of selfless forgiveness. And then find a worthy young man and boldly walk with him in the wedding cortege, towards happiness.