How to respond to an insult. Simple techniques will teach you to respond wittily to the interlocutor

Many of these questions are annoying simply because they are asked often and not always by those who should know the answers. But this is precisely why treating them too painfully would be the wrong reaction.

Relatives are overly interested in our personal life, colleagues - in finances and career success, everyone around us - in how we look and how we behave. Sometimes it’s a formal way to keep the conversation going, sometimes it’s the personal problems of the person asking, and sometimes it’s actually a concern for us.

Does moral pressure prevent you from living? We develop our personality, watch the video!

The ability to correctly respond to violation of personal space is a good practice for those who tend to succumb to pressure. No matter what question you are asked, our methods will help you politely answer any of them.

1. Philosophical answer

Who said that if a question is asked to you, then it is necessary to talk about you? You can just speculate on a given topic. If you are not yet married, refer to the fact that family values \u200b\u200bare changing a lot in our time, men have become different, and the housing issue has spoiled everyone even more. In most cases, they will agree with you and it will be possible to complain together about the strangeness of life.

2. Secular gossip

Also, in essence, a change in the object of discussion. Tell us that the issue of your salary is being actively discussed right now, because according to rumors in competing firms, specialists in your profile have begun to earn more (less, perform new duties, quit more often, etc.) For example, you can recall the stories of all your former colleagues and unfamiliar, even if they are no longer relevant.

3. The wisdom of the ages

After all, you don't have to be an example to everyone, you are living your first life. But the classics have already spoken out about this for a long time - do not let wise quotes go to waste. Someone said that “every breakup is a step towards a new meeting,” most likely he meant your break with your ex. Use aphorisms from social networks or make up your own. At the same time, you will come across as an intellectual.

4. Lies to save

It might even be funny. Pass off costume jewelry as a jewel, a friend as a lover, a meeting in a cafe as an important business meeting. Who knows, maybe your fantasy will come true, or maybe you will simply never return to this conversation.

5. Comedy genre

Why create tension where there is already enough tension? Humor is relaxing. The joke pattern is pretty simple: portray the situation as absurd. To the question, answer that today they just started the alarm clock earlier in order to be in time at the registry office, but here's the annoyance - overslept. But tomorrow is a must!

6. Forwarding

You have no idea how much your dress is worth - it was given to you. Why don't they get promoted, ask my boss. When you have children, only God knows. In general, Google will help you, but there is no demand from you.

It's a win-win because people are always happy to be a specialist. In response to an uncomfortable question, ask yourself: what to do to get married; how to persuade a husband to have a second child; where to find a good job? And in general, how to live?

8. Details

If we are to enter into the course of the matter, then on the conscience. Describe all the details of your interview trips, youth love stories, and weight loss attempts. One such conversation will be enough to discourage for a long time to turn to you spontaneously.

9. Downgrading

Since the goal of your interlocutor is to raise it. You have nothing to answer because you are not asking such questions. You absolutely do not care who and when marries you - you have other problems. You now have no time for a career, and happiness too. Just shrug your shoulders.

10. True

That which is always totally disarming. An inconvenient question hits a sore spot, and only in this case it works. If you are really uncomfortable discussing a particular topic, then there is a problem that is important to solve. But for yourself, and not in order to avoid unnecessary conversations.

Questions ... Sometimes they are completely harmless. And sometimes they make our hearts pound and ourselves stutter.

Being human means being able to improvise. It is a skill that includes the ability to make timely comments and answer difficult and unexpected questions.

People ask these questions to get information, but there are often other reasons behind their questions. Sometimes they want to know about your attitude towards a particular subject and see how calm and confident you look at the same time.

The ability to answer difficult questions is built on two principles:

1. it is necessary to have a sufficient store of knowledge giving the necessary information;
2. you must be able to communicate this information confidently and calmly.

General plan: always give yourself more time

When someone asks us a difficult question, we try to answer it immediately. We are afraid that even a brief moment of silence will be interpreted as hesitation or as a desire to completely avoid answering.

Even a few extra nanoseconds allow your brain to process more information and then formulate it in the right words

The answer you impulsively utter is unlikely to be the best, and later, when you think it over, you will probably regret it in a hurry. So the most rewarding thing you can do to improve the quality of your answers to tough questions is to give yourself more time to think about those answers.

Even a few extra nanoseconds will allow your brain to process more information and then formulate it in the correct words.

Allowing ourselves to take tiny pauses, we perfectly gather our thoughts. Just don't fill in these pauses with all sorts of "E-uh ..." or "M-mmm ...". They will make you look insecure. You can also repeat the question before answering, which will also give extra seconds.

There are other methods to buy you time to think. The most effective of these is to clarify the question as much as possible (and in fact, get a new question) before giving an answer to it. There are several ways to get your opponent to provide you with a better and less difficult version of the question:

Ask to repeat the question

People often want to rephrase their question because they don't like the way it was phrased. So give them the opportunity to do it. Perhaps their "take two" will be shorter and clearer.

“Could you repeat the question? I want to make sure I really got it right. "

Ask for clarification

If the question is too vague, answer it with a counter question, which should clarify and define what your opponent is trying to achieve.

“Now there are several types of insurance. Which one really interests you "?

“Motivation is a broad concept. Do you need advice on a specific aspect of it "?

And it is especially effective to concretize the question by putting the questioner before a choice:

"Are you worried about the number of sales in 2012 or 2014"?

Ask for a definition

Even when people use the same words, they can mean completely different things by them. In order not to talk about different things, ask your opponent to formulate the key concepts of his question:

“Before I answer, can you tell me what you mean by careless?

“I’m ready to discuss this with you, but before we get started, what does the phrase“ official dating ”mean to you?

Define the goal yourself

One way to gain more control over the interaction is to reformulate the question so that it becomes part of your answer:

“Why do you think that your appeal to that company was unsuccessful? If by failure you mean that nothing good came of this venture, then I don't think so. Yes, you did not sign that agreement, but you have established friendly relations, so now you are open for future projects. "

Dealing with Inappropriate Questions: The Art of Dodging

Sometimes the questions are quite clear, but inappropriate, and you, for various reasons, do not want to answer them in full. Then you have to evade a direct answer.

Evasion of direct answers has a very dubious reputation as it involves insincerity and manipulation. But sometimes you really can't give someone a straight answer, because this information is confidential, touches on very sensitive topics, or is simply not intended for this audience. Here are the recommended techniques for successfully providing evasive answers.

Answer only one part of the question

If the question is complex and there are several aspects that you do not want to touch upon, and there is at least one aspect that does not cause problems, it is recommended to focus your attention on it:

I heard that there will be another series of layoffs soon. I also heard that the issue of reducing wages is being considered. And I noticed that free soda disappeared from the break room. Is this due to a decrease in the company's profits?
- I can assure you that there will be no layoffs in the next six months. I don’t know what you’ve heard, but the company is strong enough and our revenue was a quarter higher than expected.

How are you at your new job? How much do they pay you?
- It's really good there. It's amazing how different office culture can be. Every Friday we finish work early, drink beer and play softball. Have you played a lot this spring?

(Finishing off with a counter question will help move the conversation away from the question you don't want to answer.)

Refocus the question

If there is a part of the question that you do not want to talk about, focus on the aspect that is not a problem to discuss. This can be done by taking one phrase from the question (which is usually not the main topic of this question) and drawing maximum attention to it.

Are they considering my candidacy for this position? I feel like I have shown enough confidence in myself during those interviews of mine.
- Exactly. Frank said he was very impressed with your confidence and your level of training.

(This is where you focus on the confidence aspect and move away from the job issue.)

Why do you think I am not moving forward? I feel like I'm stuck in life, that my boss just doesn't appreciate me. I don't mean to sound boastful, but I'm very smart.
- Yes, you are a really smart person. And when you use your mind for its intended purpose, you really succeed. Are there any ways to implement the business you started more consistently? (Instead of listing the other person's shortcomings, you focus their attention on the fact that they are really smart, thereby positioning your response in a positive way.)

Discuss the issue

Sometimes it seems that people are looking for a specific answer to a question, but in reality they just want to be discussed. They want to hear different points of view about their idea, or they just want to know what you think about it too, to understand that their question is something that makes you think hard. In most cases, these questions are best answered by an attempt to delve deeper into the topic voiced:

Why is the school board not striving to reach a wider audience for better parental feedback?
- We work with people more than you think. We have sent messages to 500 families. But the situation is difficult: parents of older children do not want what the parents of babies want. We carefully consider all opinions and options and try to find ways to compromise.

Why doesn't our relationship make you happy?
- And why did you decide that I am unhappy?

Build a bridge

With this technique, you are building a bridge from the question asked to what you really want to talk about. This method is similar to the technique of reorienting questions, but the difference between the content of the question and the topic of your answer is much more significant here.

If you've ever watched politicians debate on television, this method will sound familiar to you. The politician is asked about his position on the war, to which he will reply: “War is, of course, an important problem that must be solved. But in reality I want to talk about the problem of raising taxes, which was voiced by my opponent. "

The answer, built according to the "bridge" scheme, can annoy the opponent. So it is not recommended to use this technique to avoid really important questions.

Use a funnel

By using the bridge technique, you can completely avoid asking questions about the main topic. But sometimes you just need to narrow down the scope of the discussion, and also encourage the other person to ask follow-up questions and continue to discuss one aspect. Using a funnel boils down to recognizing a big problem and then directing the audience's attention to the part of that problem that you want to focus on.

What kind of work experience makes you a good candidate for this position?
- I have experience in the hospitality business, experience in the customer service department, but the best experience that most closely matches what you are looking for is the five years that I worked in social media management, and I worked for one of your competitors.

Have you already planned how you will carry out this project?
- Yes, and the most important step will be to secure funding for it. As you can see in this graph, we have already got half of the money.

Sometimes directness is best: the art of hip shooting

Sometimes the best way to answer a difficult question is to give it a completely straight answer. Such directness can overwhelm and disarm an opponent. Perhaps some of you are now thinking, “You should always shoot from the move, from the hip. A real man does not shy away from direct answers ”!

This, of course, sounds great, but it doesn't always work. Every day we dodge all kinds of answers. And when someone asks: "How are you?" - we answer: "Well, yesterday I had a little quarrel with my wife, besides, my truck needs new brakes." We all reorient the questions, and often only partially answer exactly the questions we were asked.

In the art of improvisation, the most important thing is to know how and what to respond in circumstances that vary widely.

In the life of every person, it happened at least once to listen to insults. Deliberately or through negligence, but dignity and honor have been defiled! The insult carries with it a surge of negative emotions caused by various factors. Knowing these reasons, you can competently respond to an insult or react to it correctly. People are characterized by various manifestations of certain emotions, but it is not always possible to restrain such manifestations. And then, in a rough form, a negative assessment of the personality is given. But if you know how to respond correctly to insults, then the offender himself will be the victim.

1. Self-affirmation. By insulting an opponent, a person thereby wants to exalt himself. Aggression is a sign of inner fears, worries, complexes and self-doubt. Therefore, in order to increase self-esteem, a person resorts to various kinds of insults. You should show pity to such a person and make it clear that at your expense he will not be established.
   
2. Outpouring of emotions. Sometimes too much negativity accumulates in a person. And getting under the hot hand is an opportunity to hear a lot about yourself. In this case, the person will later apologize himself, he only needs help to calm down.
   
3. Playing for the audience. Such people receive a huge energy boost from public scandals. The main thing here is to let the person know that you are not the hero of his action-packed comedy. Remaining indifferent in this case means remaining a winner.
   
4. Education. More precisely, its absence. The reasons for aggressive behavior go back to early childhood, characterized by permissiveness and indulgence. To an ill-mannered person - only a squeamish attitude.
   
5. Bad day or Monday syndrome. There are Mondays in every person's life, and not necessarily on the first day of the week. A difficult day is accompanied by emotional disorders, which provokes the release of the negative accumulated during the day. The best option is to say that you understand what caused the aggression, and ask the person not to take out negativity on you.
   
6. Rivalry. It generates the most powerful insults, denigrating honor and dignity. It is impossible to ignore such insults, it is necessary to give the person a worthy rebuff.
   

• Husband / wife, relative. If these are people from your inner circle, then you need to try as much as possible to maintain a warm relationship between you. Family quarrels are temporary and are accompanied by accumulated complaints and are resolved at a round table.
  
• Friend. If a friend did it, then you should definitely find out the reason that prompted him to insult. As soon as the details come up, you will have to decide: to forgive or is it better to refuse such a friend ?!
  
• Chief. Most office workers hear insults from bosses. This is either such a form of communication or personal hostility. In any case, the first is recognized by itself, but the second needs to be found out. But you never need to react violently to the boss's aggression. You can imagine him in funny and ridiculous situations or just use a smile, this will give confidence. The boss will see your resilience and recognize your psychological advantage.
  
• Strangers. Here is a great opportunity to show calmness, nurturing and intelligence.
  

How to correctly respond to an insult in different situations?

1. Faced the "troll"? The best weapon against him is ignorance. For "trolls" aggressive attack is a way of life. Therefore, in order to prevent them from causing discord in society, it is enough to simply ignore them or direct all the power of the intellect to them. For example, you can answer that you would have said a lot, but are worried that it is unlikely that his limited mind is aware of and accepts this information.
   
2. Unreasonable criticism of your work. Thank the person for their opinion and tell them what it means that others will definitely like it.
   
3. Appearance criticism. Appearance remarks can be pretty damaging to your self-esteem if you take them to heart. To the attack: "What bruises you have under your eyes! It's just awful!", You can answer that this is a consequence of a stormy night, adding a satisfied smile.
   
4. Notes about clothing. These shots are often related to the financial situation of your family or yourself and can be very offensive. To the saying: "You only dress in cheap stores!", You can answer that on your figure any thing looks beautiful and profitable.
   

Learning how to deal with bullying and abuse will make it easier for you to deal with these unpleasant social situations. To protect yourself from bullying and abuse, assess the situation, respond appropriately, and seek help if needed.

Steps

Assess the situation

Understand that this is not about you. People who tease and insult others are insecure themselves. Their bullying is often driven by fear, narcissism, and control. While bullying others, they feel stronger. Knowing that the abuser is at fault, not you, can help you become more confident in the situation.

Understand what drives your abuser. If you make an effort to understand why a particular person is insulting or teasing you, you will have a clue to solving the problem. Sometimes people bully others to assert themselves, and sometimes they do it because they don't understand you or the situation as well as they could. Or they are simply jealous of what you have done or achieved.

Develop a plan to avoid the person or situation, if possible. Avoiding the abuser can minimize the amount of abuse or bullying you are exposed to. While this is not always possible, come up with ways to reduce the amount of time you have to spend with the bully, or avoid contact with him altogether.

• If you are harassed when you get home from school, work with your parents to work out a safe route to avoid bullying or abuse.
• If you are teased or abused online, consider removing the abuser from your social media or reducing the amount of time you spend on certain apps.

1. Determine if bullying is illegal. Sometimes bullying or insults are a direct violation of one of the codes or the Constitution of the Russian Federation. For example, if at work you experience sexual harassment from a colleague (not necessarily physical, but also verbal), this is already a violation of Article 133 of the Criminal Code, and you must immediately report it.

   • If you are in school, you have the right to learn in a safe and distraction-free environment. If someone is bullying you to the point that you feel insecure or it interferes with your studies (for example, discouraging you from coming to school), you should discuss this with your parent or teacher.

   Respond to bullying and insults

   1. Prepare for the situation. If you have to spend time with someone who constantly insults or teases you, develop a plan to take control of the situation. For example, it can be helpful to role-play and think through your responses.

      • Practice role-playing with a friend or family member. Let a friend (or girlfriend) tell you: "Alina, your hairstyle is terrible." And you can answer like this: "Thank you for your opinion, but I like her, and this is the most important thing."
      • If your boss insults you by belittling you, come up with a plan. Try to say: “Anton Petrovich, your comments are unprofessional, offensive and affect the productivity of my work. If this does not stop, I will have to inform the higher authorities. "

   2. Keep calm. When you are teased or insulted, it is important to remain calm, even if you feel angry or crying. People who bully and humiliate others often expect a response. Keep calm and don't lose your head.

      • If someone offends you, try taking a few deep breaths before answering.

   3. Be determined. Confidently and unambiguously make it clear to the abuser how their insults affect you. Explain in a firm, but at the same time calm tone why you do not like this bullying.

      • Try saying to a classmate who teases you about your shoes: “It makes me angry that you are bullying me in front of the whole class. Stop doing this. ”
      • If your coworkers are bombarding you with sexist remarks, try saying, “Your bullying and insults border on sexual harassment. If this happens again, I will immediately notify our supervisor. ”

   4. Ignore the insults. Sometimes the best response to an insult is to ignore. You can pretend you didn't hear anything, or you can change the conversation to the exact opposite. If, instead of reacting to the insults and bullying of the offender, you do not pay attention to them, you will avoid adding fuel to the fire.

      • If you are insulted or teased online, do not respond.
      • If a family member is insulting you, try ignoring the bullying and leaving the room.

   5. React with humor. Using humor as a reaction to insults or bullying is very effective. Humor can release tension, disarm the offender, and even turn their words to dust. Try to laugh it off when someone insults or teases you.

      • If a coworker is rude about the poster you brought to the conference, try saying, “You're right. This is a terrible poster. I shouldn't have let my five-year-old son do it for me. ”
      • Another option could be feigned surprise or an ironic remark. For example, you might say, “My God! You're right! Thank you for helping me to see! ”.

   6. Report harassment or bullying about your gender, race, nationality, religion, or disability. It is important to immediately report these types of aggression, as it is often a violation of the law. If you are being insulted or bullied in this way, go straight to your boss.

      Talk to your abuser. For example, if you are constantly abused by a parent or family member, it may be time to sit down and talk about the abuse. Be clear about how you feel about being bullied and how the bullying affects your life.

      • If your mom is constantly criticizing your appearance, try saying, “Mom, it hurts when you comment on my clothes, hair, or makeup. It hurts my feelings. From now on, please stop making such remarks. ”
      • Even if the banter is not malicious, you can still tell the person that you don't like it. For example: "I enjoy spending time with you, and we can have fun teasing each other. But we will not discuss some topics (clothes, husband, children, etc.) anymore - it hurts my feelings."

   Learn to value yourself

   1. Work on your self-esteem. Low self-esteem can make it harder for you to deal with banter, either malicious or not. It takes time to build self-esteem, but you can do it with simple steps, such as:

      • Compliment yourself. Try looking in the mirror every morning and saying one nice thing about your appearance, for example, “My eyes look especially bright and beautiful today.”
      • Make a list of your strengths, accomplishments, and the things you admire about yourself. Try to list at least five things in each column. Keep the list and reread it daily.

   2. Take care of yourself. Taking care of yourself is an important and good strategy to help you deal with insults or humiliation. Try taking long baths, taking relaxing walks, or doing something pleasant for yourself, such as a pedicure. These ways of taking care of yourself will help build self-esteem and improve your opinion of yourself.

      Build resilience. Being a tough person will make it easier for you to recover from insults, humiliation, and other difficulties in life. Try to work on this quality to increase your ability to bounce back after bullying and attacks. Here are some things you can do to build resilience:

This is one of the first desires that arise after an insult. But a retaliatory attack is appropriate only if it:

• witty;
• happens in the circle of relatives or friends;
• defuses the situation rather than aggravates the conflict.

In all other cases, even if you consider yourself a witty sharper than Oscar Wilde, responding with an insult to an insult is not the best way. So you descend to the level of a boor-opponent and make it clear that his words hurt you, that is, there may be some truth in them.

2. Make a joke

The difference between a witty insult and a jocular response is that in the latter case, you are making fun of the situation itself. The advantages of this strategy are obvious: the insult loses its toxicity, tension, and the audience (if any) takes your side.

In this case, you can also take a pseudo-self-deprecating position. This will confuse your opponent and mask your sarcasm.

Example 1: A colleague says that you have prepared an ugly presentation.

Answer: “Perhaps you are right. Next time I will not ask for help from my five-year-old son. "

Example 2: A stranger calls you names.

Answer: “Thank you, this is very valuable information. You opened my eyes to my flaws. There will be something to think about at dinner. "

3. Accept

In some cases, analyzing words that seem offensive to you is really worth it. Especially if they come from people close and respected by you. In this case, take their remarks not as an insult, but as criticism that can make you better.

It will be useful to think about the motives of people, to find out what exactly made them use harsh expressions. Perhaps this is a violent reaction to your far from angelic behavior.

4. Respond to intent, not words

Any insult always has a hidden purpose. Make the secret clear: label it.

For example, in response to rude words, say, “Wow! Something really serious happened between us, since you decided to hurt me. "

So, on the one hand, you can unsettle your opponent, and on the other, you can find out the reason for his negative attitude.

5. Keep calm

If the insult does not come from a loved one, but from a colleague, acquaintance, or even a stranger, never show that the words hurt you. Most likely, behind them lies insecurity, dissatisfaction with their own life and a desire to simply take revenge on you. Don't let the trick work, react calmly and with a smile.

If necessary, continue to bend your line: ask what exactly caused such a reaction in the person, regardless of his words.

6. Ignore

Often the best answer is no one. If we are talking about Internet trolls, you can simply not respond to their comments or send boors to. Well, "offline" you can always ignore the insult or leave. You have every right to do so.

An example from ancient Roman history ... Once in public baths, someone hit the politician Cato. When the offender came to apologize, Cato replied: "I do not remember the blow."

This phrase can be interpreted as follows: "You are so insignificant that I not only do not care about your apology, but I did not even notice the insult itself."

7. Use the law

You can bring the abuser to justice or at least threaten him with it. The punishment for insult is spelled out in the Code of Administrative Offenses, but defamation is already in the scope of criminal law. In case of insults from your boss, you can contact the HR department.

The main thing is to remember: no one has the right to infringe on your honor, dignity and reputation. But you must also respond to people in the same way. Otherwise, any recommendations are meaningless.