The issue of money in the family. Financial difficulties in the family, how to be? What are the problems? How to cope

I decided to write another article on actual topic . IN lately I watch a lot of discussions in social networks On this occasion, in some of them did not even resist and participated, and as a result I see that people mostly do not know anything and do not understand how the family budget should be formed and consulting.

The result of many families Geeken: permanent quarrels Because of the money, which as a result leads or to divorce, or to a constant dissatisfaction with family life, or rather, its household component.

The question is very serious, and I strongly advise you to look at him and listen, even if it has not touched you yet. So I studied the statistics of divorces (which in Russia and Ukraine are already more than half of the number of registered marriages), and saw that one of the main reasons for the divorced spouses indicate the material dissatisfaction with each other (the husband earns a little, the wife spends a lot or vice versa). And some other reasons are also 100% or close to that are associated with a monetary problem, only it is not mentioned explicitly (for example, there is no own housing, it is impossible to live with parents, a different social status of spouses, the struggle for dominance in the family, etc.) . From here we can conclude that family and money are connected very closely: about half of the divorces, or even more, completely or partially occur because of the money.

But even if it does not reach the divorce, spouses who are not satisfied with finance and attitude towards each other are doomed to a long and unhappy life. All the famous expression "Romance crashed on life," it seems to me, in many ways about it. And I think that this is not at all what people who created the family were striving for, even if they try to keep it with all their might.

I have repeatedly affected the topic "Family and Money" in other articles, let's give links to some of them, I recommend too to familiarize yourself:

In this article I want to show you main problemwhich, in my opinion, leads to financial disagreements in the family, and, of course, to offer an effective solution to its solutions. This is my vision of the situation, confirmed, including personal experience And observations, and agree with him or not - your full right.

There is a so-called "method of simplification", according to which it is necessary to understand the essence of the problem, it is necessary to simplify its wording as much as possible, to systematize everything, to summarize and express as short as possible and simple. So, if you apply this method to our topic "Family and money", then it turns out that.

Any financial disagreements in the family are reduced to the following: one of the spouses is dissatisfied with the financial actions of the other.

For example:

• You earn little;
• You spend a lot;
• You spend money on that instead;
• You spend, and I want to accumulate;
• You accumulate, and I want to spend;
• You take loans, and I do not want to take them, etc.

Why do these disagreements arise? Because in the family both family members want their opinion to be taken into account when forming and spending a family budget. And family members, adult decisions, just two, and this means conditionally, each of them has 50% of the votes in solving issues. And often the situation occurs when the outcome of the family vote does look like this: 50% - "for", 50% - "against". So how to make a decision?

Probably someone thought: "Well, the same family, so someone must give up." But this statement, in my opinion, is very controversial, now I will explain why. The fact is that only one of the spouses will preferably be preferably, whose character will be more compliant. But all these "concessions" will gradually accumulate and begged him inside, bringing psychological discomfortAnd at some point they can "shoot" much stronger: "What is it! Why exactly I should always give up?! " As a result, the scandal, and, stronger than when considering one current issue, accumulated months.

How to solve this problem otherwise? Everything is simple: you need to exclude decision-making with two family members: decisions should take one person, and ideally the one who earned them should be disposed of money. That is, you need to behave.

In the article, I considered what the common, separate and mixed budget differ. Briefly repeat that they differ in the distribution in the family of the roles of the minior and manager money. Separate budget assumes that each of the spouses fully dispose of those money, which he earned, at his discretion. Therefore, disagreements in the adoption of financial solutions are completely excluded: there is one person who has 100% of the vote.

Separate type of family budget in post-Soviet countries uses a minority of families, which even shows the voting results in a survey on this site (currently they are: separate budget - 18% of votes, mixed - 38%, joint - 44%). And the differences in financial matters arises from most families, I suppose that this is the most important thing that leads or even mixed. Those budget types where 50/50 votes are divided, and it is difficult to come to a general solution. Coincidence?

Opponents of a separate budget (this, as a rule, women) often argue their position as follows: "And if the husband who earns, will not allocate me money? Or not even me, and let's say on a child? Or how to be when I'm on maternity leave and do not earn anything? Etc."

What can I answer it? Separate budget does not mean that every member of the family spends earned only on himself, not highlighting anything on family and children. In principle, creating a family, each person must already understand that it will require the costs that will have to pay. But he himself makes decisions, in which volume, when and how it will finance these expenses, and this fundamental difference. If the second spouse does not like this in some way, he always has the opportunity to finance world-first and children's expenses on their own earnings, as he considers it necessary. If he does not have earnings, or they are not enough, then to make a claim on this occasion to the second spouse is somehow wrong.

So that this situation is clearer, let's again, as I love to do this, we will conduct an analogy of the family and enterprise. After all, the family is a small business entity that has its income, expenses, and should be their profits (income minus expenses). Due to this profits, the family is providing their wealth, acquiring the necessary property, and creates new sources of income, investing money for profit.

That is, in the financial plan, two spouses are business partners who have created their small enterprise, invested or not invested in it some initial own assets. Next, both of them need to ensure the profitable work of this enterprise, and the continuous increase in its assets.

You can imagine an enterprise in which one of the partners earns money, and the second they manage? Perhaps such cases are, but they are single. In general, the disposal of the finance of enterprises is proportional to the share of investments in the common cause by each of the partners. Take shareholders as a joint-stock company: they have so many votes when making decisions, how many shares have them, and no more. It does not happen that the shareholder has, for example, only 5% or 10% of the shares, and at the same time he has been managed by all capital and property of the enterprise at its discretion - it has only, respectively, 5% or 10% of the votes at the general meeting of shareholders.

So, so that your family "enterprise" worked profitably and without failures, it is advisable to transfer this scheme to it - it will be fair and financially correctly.

If they dispose of money in the family, the spouses will be in proportion to their contribution to the family budget filling - this will be fair and will exclude possible disputes on monetary issues.

My position is probably going against the stereotypes and the beliefs of many about the fact that in the family "everything should be common," and money - too. If this approach is specifically in your case, they are satisfied with both spouses, the financial position of the family is improving, and there is no quantity of money issues - wonderful, I'm just glad. But if disagreements are present, which often gives rise to problems and quarrels - it means that something is wrong, it means that this approach is ineffective, and you need to change it. How to change - I suggested, and the decision, and responsibility for this decision in any case for you.

And how do you think a family and money should correlate? I will be glad to hear your opinions and comments in the comments.

I wish you success and financial prosperity! Stay on and learn to competently dispose of family budget and personal finances. To new meetings!

Family budget and psychology of relationships

The money appeared for a long time, in those distant times when a man was considered the head of the family not only nominally, but also really managed by all the property. But time runs, steps democracy. Today, women along with men form a family budget. Together with this came problems. Now family conflicts associated with money occur more often.
They say that cute swear - only go. But not everything is so simple in monetary issues. Such quarrels not only have a strong negative influence On the emotional atmosphere, but also really interfere with the family to distribute the family budget correctly, form financial goals and become a rich pair. Let's see where the legs "grow" from such problems, then we will better understand the nature of conflicts and try to avoid them.

Causes and nature of monetary conflicts in the family

Here rather the opposite: neo-Oriform relationship is always a matter of trust of two people. It seems to people together, but waiting for something. Cannot make a decision. Probably think, is the right choice made or not? Kind testing. Now tell me how can you solve serious monetary issues if the relationship is still in the test stage?

Examples can be given a lot. For example, we decided to buy a cottage, a car, an apartment. Who to arrange? We must congratulate your parents, buy a gift. How much to spend? In such families, there is most often no single budget, so the money on common things have to finance someone alone. Sooner or later, the conflict will always arise. So, as the poet said, think for yourself, decide for yourself. Maybe you should not wait and play wedding

What can be done in this case? There is nothing new here. In the family you need mutual respect and understanding of each other. If this is not - it is impossible to do anything! The question is no longer cash. Money is like a lactium paper relationship.

Leave the answer

Money - vital an important resourceThe disposal of money gives people confidence in the possibility of survival and well-being. Loss of the ability to dispose of money is psychologically perceived as a threat not only to social, but also physical well-being. At the same time, it is not so important - whether you face actual death from hunger or deprivation of housing, since the historically fixed program "Money \u003d survival" works unconsciously.

There are several reasons for difficulties that interfere with spouses to solve financial issues inside the family.

Different values \u200b\u200bof spouses

Money is a service tool and maintaining your values. We exchange money on what we consider important for yourself: pleasure, appearance, things, status, commitment to loved ones.

So, buying tickets to the theater, we serve our aesthetic needs or needs in entertainment, buying expensive accessories, serve your needs for social statustraveling with family, we follow our family values.

Not always in the family of spouses exactly coincide with the values, and the hierarchy of these values, rather exact coincidence - a rare case. If the values \u200b\u200bare different, the situation arises when a single cash resource needs to be spent on servicing the various values \u200b\u200bof the spouses. Conversation about money is often a conflict of interest:

Dear clothes or savings "for a black day"?

The spouse can be in priority his image and the status impression that he produces on people, he is ready to put on this serious cash flow. And the spouse is more worried about the stability, and she feels calm only when in the honeycomb lies a round amount of money. There is a conflict of values: imaging against confidence and calm.

Vacation or car?

The wife can strive on vacation, even on credit, because it is important for her to break out, spend time away from the routine, get new impressions. The value of getting pleasure can stand in a very high priority. And the husband may want to acquire an expensive car, as it is necessary to match the level that is installed at its work.

Please note that we are not just with a collision of interest, but with a deeper issue, the question life valueswho are satisfied by money. That is why in financial disputes it is not easy to give up, as we must come from our values, and not just momentary desires.

Of course, the thing is that your "Wishlist" is seeing reasonable and necessary. And if not necessary, so excuses. And other people's wishes ... Well, how can I want it at all ?? Or it is so insignificant that you can suffer.

Exercise "My Values"

This is done psychological practice Together with a partner:

- Take two sheets of paper and write a list of your values.

- Note the values \u200b\u200bof their importance in your life

- Near each value, write two three ways of how you realize or you can feel the presence of this value in your life.

Example:

1. Value: close people. As implementing: I spend time with your family, I help parents
2. Value: Health. As implementing: I go to inspections, I am engaged in sports, I eat it right
3. Value: Career. As implementing: I work with full return, I study additionally, studying the possibility of enhancing the service

Compare your list with your husband's list (wife).

Well, if the values \u200b\u200bof the spouses coincide or very close. In this regard, the marriages of people from one cultural medium have always been valued. This is not a prejudice, but a reasonable reason. People brought up in similar coordinate systems is easier to negotiate on important issues, including financial. If the spouses were brought up in a different cultural, educational, religious, financial environment, then their valuables and understanding of what to spend money to spend, can vary greatly.

Different ideas about how to live is a frequent foundation for family conflicts. The more the views of the spouses about how life should be arranged, the less problems will be. For example, if both consider thrift, financial responsibility. Or, on the contrary, both feel great, belonging to the money frivolously (maybe such spouses will begin purely financial difficultiesbut conflicts around finance may not be). Also important submission of spouses about who disposed of family money. So, if both spouses believe that the husband is managed by money in the family, there is no soil for discord.

However, it happens not always. Different presentations of spouses about how life should be arranged - normal, frequent phenomenon, a typical picture. One of the natural and mandatory marriage tasks is to reconcile different systems Views of two different people, without trying to "break" or raise a partner.

Naive and dangerous for family life Believe that if the partner loves you, he will want the same thing as you: Must, since he loves!

Different vectors of spouses

Marriage is the Union of two people, only partly connected with each other actual and psychological obligations, in any marriage, even with very merged relationships there remains a territory free from the partner.

People living together are:

- Individual goals

A person needs something personally for himself: things, entertainment and so on. The second it may be only to calm the partner. If calm and good mood The spouse is not seen important, then the individual goals of another do not worry a person at all, are only an obstacle to satisfying his own needs.

Individual goals of spouses are often becoming a host of hostilities, the most popular topics for collisions here:

- Children Ot previous marriages

- Parents

- Toys, accessories, hobbies, passion for which your partner does not share. These things for all their explicit option in life can delay a significant financial resource.

- joint goals

Traditional joint goals can be attributed to, for example, learning children or real estate.

Joint objectives may also become a subject of discord because of different landmarks and values. For example, joint goal - House repair can cause hot spores due to of different ideas How much you need to spend on such things as the interior (values \u200b\u200bregarding the lifestyle).

Also bad relationships Pares are constantly the cause of conflicts in the field of joint goals. In this case, the question is relevant - to whom with a completely probable divorce will belong to the general real estate.

Money - disputed territory

The difficulties of talking about money include the fact that the money is always a disputed territory in marriage.

Whose money? Who earned? But the second often provided such an opportunity, causing, for example, for children in which both partners were interested.

Money in marriage equally? But often the one who earned more claims great rights in the decision, where money will go, and this is understandable.

There are no clear framework and rules in the Financial Territory section.

When talking about money, it is important to consider these subtleties, good tactic - To ask directly from a partner how he sees Finance in the family - common, partially common or separate.

Psychological merger of spouses

The psychological merger of marriage partners has a negative impact on the ability of people to constructively negotiate money issues. A person in merging, as it were, "assigns" a spouse to himself and believes that his thoughts and intentions should be identical to his own. In this case, there is no willingness to see a reality and understand that you are really another person.

While people only meet, the total future and mutual commitments are not defined, everything is calm. People feel the border between their and someone else's monetary territory. Although women tend to qualify for male monetary territory before marriage: a woman, as a rule, expects a man to spend money on her even during courtship.

When the couple comes into marriage or just begins to live together, the future begins to see the common, personal boundaries are shifted. After that, the partner of the partner "on itself" seems to be a threat to personal well-being, since the financial resource seems to be general.

Not always, at the same time, changes in each spouse are symmetrical to the change of partner. That is, one often thinks still in terms of "mine" and "yours" money, and the other is already completely "our" money.

- spent money on fishing gear ?? How? This is knowing that the son has no winter clothes!

- Bought a new coat? This despite the fact that I save to pay a mortgage and work as damned! And why, by the way, a new coat, if she does not leave the house, sits with a child ...

- Wants money for scenic lessons? I would prefer to postpone at least something on a black day, and not spend on any nonsense.

- Dear bag? And my spending on the technique criticizes ...

When the spouses combined the boundaries and became no "me" and "you", and "we", the waste of a partner, his manner handle the money resource becomes critical. Money is seen by common, even if it is clear that someone earned more. When a partner spends money "on himself", that is, that personally, he (but not you!) He considers it important, you feel the infringement of your needs and threat to personal well-being.

When merging borders, the spouses may have a infantal need for the part that the partner certainly understood your gusts (the tendency to buy shoes, buy expensive accessories, equipment, live in expensive hotels, give money to relatives). Ideally, the partner even must share them. Often, the family consultations arises the topic that people want their spouse would certainly want the same as they.

By itself, desire is neither good nor bad. Problems arise when there are expectations that your needs should be in focus of attention, but there is no readiness to see and meet the needs of another.

"So the wife may want her husband to be indulgent to her spent on jewelry, but be intolerable to his spent in restaurants in friends."

- A woman can expect family money to go to her training (personal needs for development), but resent if the husband gives a lot of money to his family (the need to follow their family values).

- A man can demand from his wife understanding to spendingm. to your sports hobbies, but Intrampimically treat her wishes to start a cash resource on stupidity of the type of care or clothes.

Liftenness of money resource

The basis of monetary conflicts - the multidirectional of interests and needs is on the main basis - limited money resource.

The money resource is always finite, no one has access to unlimited cash flow. Even if there are a lot of money, other people apply for this piece of life resource who want to dispose of them on their own way.

In any amount of money, the idea of \u200b\u200bthe deficit of funds is laid, since the needs for which money is spent, grow all the time. We can not, earning more, remain at the same level of consumption. Big money require lifestyle changes than more money, the higher the need, spending. Yesterday you lacked money for a decent costume, and today on elite real estate. Money has become more than more, problems in psychological attitude In essence, the same.

In rich families, the same struggle for the life resource can go - money as in the poor, only on a different level. Small pearls may cause the same chagrins as liquid soup.

When the money resource is limited (albeit wide frames), the winning of the monetary territory with one person (big spends on it) can be perceived by members of his family as damage. Since the amount of money and material benefits Limited, then you can win something only by redistribution at the expense of another. Good if in the family a good relationship, and partners are able to receive altruistic pleasure from the joy of the other. But this happens not always and the section of the life resource in the form of money can turn into a real war.

Money as a symbol of relationships

The monetary policy in the family is always associated with the relationships of love and power. Often, people express their love using a cash resource, and often in terms of the amount of money allocated, people tend to judge the attitude towards them.

So, for example, the wife can nervously count how much money the husband spent on gifts to a child from the first marriage and compare these amounts with spending on it.

The mother-in-law can estimate the birth price for her birthday and compare this amount with the estimated income of the family of his son.

Brothers and sisters can jealously monitor how parents distribute money between them, and always guess this miscellaneous attitude Parents.

Measuring love in monetary equivalent cynically only at first glance. In fact, it is quite natural. A person receives money, as a rule, for work, that is, for the investment of its physical or intellectual energy. So sash vitality And the time of his life, he exchanges money to the "biovyzhny resource". And this money he gives (or does not want to give) to his loved ones. For the return of money (equivalent of the attached strength) is worth vital energy. So the measurement of relationships "in money", ultimately, has good reasons. Who will you give your vital energy?

Money is a resource providing life and status in society. Historically, the ownership of life-supporting resource was a guarantee of physical survival of people. Therefore, the right to dispose of money is valued so high, the lack of this right is so acute and painfully felt, despite the fact that modern society You may not face physical extinction.

The monetary, "biovy" resource accumulates the most viable and active members of society, which is completely natural. The same applies to the primary cell of society - families, financial levers turn out to be more adapted, active members of this family, capable and seeking to act, influence the situation, to take responsibility. If you are unhappy with the distribution of finances in your family, then most likely you are unhappy with your hierarchical position, family status.

© Elizabeth Filonenko

Usually in families where both spouses work, one of them must earn more than the other, and this is considered quite normal. And no one believes that it is he who bears the burden of ensuring the majority family expenses. But there are exceptions. What causes many conflicts, and false suspicions that one of the spouses makes everything in a family, and the second allows itself an overnight spending that belongs exclusively to meet personal needs, not family needs.

In order for the material side of the family life, it should be a step towards the destruction of relationships, it is necessary to initially clearly determine how to conduct finance in the family.

Family budget formation is a responsible moment in the life of a young family.

Family budget.

Money and family budget is a mandatory part of our life with which we are faced daily, and without it is not possible normal existence. Existing finance in the family, especially impressive amounts, can create an illusion of permissiveness and complete control of every aspect of life as their own and their environment. This is the cause of most misunderstandings, irritability and as a result of frequent divorces.

According to psychologists - money, this is "the third not superfluous" in the relations of partners, with whom it is also necessary to learn to get out. This is especially difficult for people who have been led to marriage independent life, and used to dispose of their money themselves, or vice versa was never done before. Financial disputes can cause different reasons. This can be explained by the fact that with a limited number of finance, a person is in a state of stress, and will splash all negative emotionsaccumulated during the time, in the case of rapid waste, especially if there was no need for this. In the case when the family's income cannot be called small, respectively increases and not always justified the needs that again increases costs, and the result is again the scandal.

Many cases are known when the pair decided because of the money dealers, and most licracure process occupied division common property, reached the point that several months shared the service, or a set of cutlery.

Therefore, the formation of a family budget will be the ability to avoid rapid waste for you, and at the same time can be given the opportunity to independently manage finances without remorse.

With finance on you.

If you seemingly earlier earlier, and there is still not enough money, then the situation does not correspond to reality, or you simply do not control your spending. Especially you should think if it turns out, you started spending even more than you earn, using credit cards for this, and tightening in debts. This situation can continue until they live like both spouses and everything suits them. But usually it happens rarely, and one lives on wide legAnd the second is trying to save on everything you can. As a result, all the efforts are reduced to best case on zero, at worst in minus. Usually from the absence of an inviolable cash supply, and some guarantees for the future, the "economical" partner is constantly in stressful state, which is clearly reflected in his behavior, marital relations and the general emotional state of the family. In this case, the best option will be the formation of a wasteful spouse or spouse habits to control their costs. For this, certain agreements are suitable between partners in which. If they are not executed, and spending continue, it is better to give the opportunity to conduct finance in the family more economical partner.

Such a situation is especially characteristic of young sophisticated couplewho have not previously disposed of money on their own, had a limited amount of finance, or belonged to various social segments of the population.

We act.

If in the family initially developed that everyone in its own financial plan, it is necessary to drastically change this situation. After all, the best option, if the family does not share money on "yours" and "mine", and all funds brought to the house are common.

Forming the family budget is necessary from conversation and discussion. If you want a harmonious marriage, believe me without communicating on this topic can not do. Together, highlight the list of costs that usually occur for a certain period. Further select, among these costs the most necessary, which cannot be excluded. For example, it can be utility payments, payment of kindergartens, credit payments, gasoline costs, food, pre-known events or holidays and other. Further define the so-called additional costs that you can afford, but they do not carry a permanent character, for example, buying clothes, appliances, furniture. After the distribution of the main and additional costs, you may have some free money. You can spend this money without a remorse of conscience to your little whims, family holiday Or postpone for larger shopping.

For further cost control, you can keep the semblance of a home accounting book, in which you will record everything that you left. Thus, then you easily like the total amount of the wretched, compare it with income and you can exclude unwanted purchases.

Taking advantage of the simple advice on the question of how finances in the family are underway, you will soon learn to live by means, and without feeling some kind of disadvantage or an extreme shortage of anything. The main thing is that you have a desire to take a step to a meeting and change your habits, because from this decision can directly depend on further attitude In the family, their reliability duration and well-being. Do not put money above all, because in life there are many more valuable things that do not pay off by any number of banknotes.

Money issue - One of the most conflict zones in relations between husband and wife. If only because it puts the family to a certain social stage. However, if neither paradoxically, but the amount of money in this matter plays not main role. Reverse side The financial issue is considering psychologist Evgeny Zotkin.

- When the young spouses need to start discussing the financial issue to prevent conflicts on this soil?

- Financial questions need to be discussed before marriage - where the family will live, where to take funds to the content of the family who will be responsible for this. Different families There are countries different principles Financing: both spouses or only one can work, in some families both spouses may not work, but to receive income, say, from rent. And not always the idea of \u200b\u200bone side of financial matters may coincide with the opinion of the future spouse or spouse. It is important here to learn to negotiate, to discuss before the marriage it is the attitude to the money: whether it is necessary to save something constantly on something, to postpone whether you need to have a stable salary, or you can afford to work by freelancer ...

Money is a certain equivalent of opportunities, they allow a person to realize their desires. One family has enough very small means of life, and in another family there are conflicts on the topic of money with full, it would seem that well-being. And very often it happens because the financial question remained "behind the brackets" in the trunk period. Many women before the wedding only pretend that they are satisfied with the level of living that they can offer future spouse: For example, they are important for anything to get married, or they are afraid of conflict, so they bypass the "slippery" question. But when a woman comes into marriage, suddenly it becomes clear that the husband's income does not justify its expectations, and the relationship themselves were far from her fantasies. And then the interpersonal disconnect comes to the fore, it immediately becomes seen how the spouses actually belong to each other.

- How to build a relationship that the one who earns money does not become a dictator in the family?

- Dictate in the family does not occur on empty place, Usually someone from the spouses makes it possible to treat so much. If, for one of the spouses, such a model of relationship was unacceptable, the relationship would simply be found. Often a woman who is financially depends on the man quietly hates him for her dependence. At the same time, she does nothing to become less dependent, finds a bunch of excuses. In such situations, even the question of money emerges, and the issue of implementing their own psychological goals is such a woman, it is more likely to prefer to obey, suffer and humiliate than be independent. If a woman relates to himself, she will be able to build a relationship with his spouse so that he will see: In fact, there is an equilibrium exchange of services in their family, the husband brings money to the family, and it provides a comfort in the house, prepares food and raises his children.

- Are there basic principles for which a family budget is formed?

"If the spouses want to harmoniously exist, it is important that each partner has its own material space, his head of money, which he could manage the way he wants, without reporting to others. Each person has a circle of their own needs, and these needs may differ from the needs of another person. Perfect if there are envelopes in the family, in which the spouses postpone some amounts for life, to the house, for the education of the child, and there is still a separate envelope into minor costs. As Oscar Wilde said: "I can do without the necessary, but I can not live without too much!". Many couples are more important to get a momentary pleasure - go to a restaurant and spend money on delicious dinnerthan postpone on large purchase, limiting yourself in everything. Usually, such a lifestyle is characteristic of those people who have lived in prosperity since childhood. The main thing is that the spouses have the same view of cash spending, then conflicts on this issue will be minimized. When a person can afford to buy what he wants, even if it is some trifle, at that moment he feels rich, it gives him childhood joy, which is very important. And when a person saves, for example, on vacation homeIn this period, he feels poor, because he cannot afford here these little joys.

- Is it worth doing the stock "for a black day"? How best to calculate this stock?

- It all depends on how much the spouses have a developed or not developed a sense of security. If a person with confidence belongs to his future, he does not have to make accumulations. He, of course, does not know what will happen tomorrow, but he is internally confident that somehow everything will be formed - he lives today and feels great. For another person, such a position is unacceptable, he cannot sleep peacefully if he has no savings. Again, in a pair it is very important that the views of the spouses were similar. Of course, if the husband lives today, and the wife considers it unacceptable to live without savings, it will be reflected in their relationship. Therefore, these questions are very important to discuss before marriage.

There are two categories of rich people - rich people with temporary financial difficulties and "poor" people with money that could relieve their lives, but since childhood they have accompanied every penny. Usually it comes from related families, such people are very hard part with money. It turns out that for such a category of people money - a certain symbol of power, but at the same time they cannot use them. They live like poor people, although they actually have money. And there are people who do not have much money, but they live as if there are many of them - there are such people interior feeling Wealth. They rejoice that with the help of money they can realize their dream, and they are ready to part easily with them, for example, for the sake of some holiday. In such people who are not postponed, which are easily relate to money, as a rule, there are always some options, the ability to live is bleached. And the one who is wary of life, is always waiting for a trick, sacks for some unforeseen case, as a rule, and all kinds of financial trouble are waiting.

- What is the difference easy attitude to money from frivolous?

- degree of criticality. A frivolous person spends money thoughtlessly, without limiting his spending, he loses the feeling of reality, and then, when there is nothing to eat his family, says "how so"? A person who treats easily for money is not looked around for them - he can afford to spend a certain amount of money, but he knows how to fill this resource. He has an adequate perception of reality.

- If a financial situation in the family dramatically changed - the revenues sharply fell or increased sharply - as with the greatest psychological comfort to be rebuilt on new image life? Stress for the family - when there is money and suddenly they did not become, and exactly the same stress family is experiencing when there was no money - and suddenly they appeared in large quantities.

- There are no universal laws. The ability to analyze the situation is very important. Negative emotions have one big plus - they launch search activity, a person begins to think how to change the situation. IN crisis situations You always need to configure yourself to positive. If there is no work - it does not matter, it is only a temporary difficulty with which you can cope. In such a situation, family members do not need to "hang dogs" on each other, blame themselves in financial crisisWho happened to the family - it is important to show patience and support.

Oddly enough, sudden poverty is not the hardest situation. In the second case, it is much more difficult to cope with changes - people are accustomed to save, live modestly, and suddenly wealth falls on them. When people rich sharply, they are mentally trying to return to the former lifestyle, trying to become poor again. Few people can easily enter the new rich life and start living with this wealth as a fish in the water. Most often, a person feels lost, embittered on himself and on others, loses old friends and does not acquire new ones. Weissious person It is psychologically easier to be without money than a person poor to become rich.

- Is it possible to develop in yourself this attitude towards money is not frivolous, but light?

- When there is no money, it seems that life will become more joyful and happy if there are more. But this is an illusion. The nature of man is such that he always wants more than he has. The image of a person who is in the infinite implementation of his desires, very accurately described A.S. Pushkin in a fairy tale "About fisherman and fish". Let us remember the old woman, which one trigger had enough, and then there was not enough pillars. In order not to get on the hook of your desires, it is important to build value priorities that are not related to acquisitions. In fact, a person is not so much in life.

Ekaterina Vorobyova

Discussion

Comment Article "Marriage and Calculations: financial relations in family"

Section: Holivar (who in the family should earn more). About raising children and money. And how do you educate children on the topic of earning at 17 years old? It did not prevent a very small number, judging by the examples, I personally familiar. That is, from hundreds of hundreds arrived at the first courses ...

Discussion

N who did not broadcast
But on the example of the family and the nearest environment, it was seen how important a good education and professional demand for women - and worthy man nearby.
And so, I have always been confident that all finance in the family is common. No matter who earned how much.
Otherwise, this is not a family in my understanding.
Husband with a personal cube or husband, spending major amounts of family money at his discretion, does not fit into my picture of the world.

I would be afraid to say my daughter that she was obliged to maintain a man. What if no one wants to keep it? If it is possible not to work and do not suffer from unrealizations, and without the need to consider a penny, so you can consider lucky. And there is no guarantee, it would be strange to set up in advance to sit at least someone on the neck

See other discussions: marriage and calculations: financial relations in the family. Discussion of family issues: love and jealousy, marriage and treason, divorce and alimony and do nothing to do anything - decompose the calculations and once again with him to focus.

Discussion

Living a common budget regarding exactly in common. Separately from children (if they are not juvenile). The rest in the personal pocket from which to pay at its discretion. You can buy a car, can come together with my wife somewhere, or to give her a fur coat. This is your money and your decision will be.
And it is necessary to negotiate on the shore, by tangent.

I read a lot, but I did not understand what you need from a relationship with a woman ...

Family prospects. The ordinary attitude of the pair to the family most often comes down to statement and very rarely to planning. Didn't find what you were looking for? See other discussions: marriage and calculations: financial relations in the family.

Discussion

I will be on your topic:
1. Yes, someone alone becomes the initiator of the marriage. Formally or not formally.
2. Smart people See the development of events. Walking is not walking, marriage for material calculation or not, etc.
3. In fact, marry or marry, in essence, in the hope of finding a partner, warmth, children, finally.
What are people living in marriage:
1. Household habits
2. Baby child / Children
3. Financial difficulties
4. Rutin marriage after years
5. This can be any item from the previous ones. Availability of friends familiar who would take each half of the family. To breathe everyone.
6. The property is divided by law. Smart people will decide in advance how to distinguish between the zones of responsibility, at the stage of purchase and investments. No matter why you need to share.
7. Treason is a factor that each side weighs from its interest, vague, laziness, can be continued. It does not affect official marriageIt affects relations inside the family. Here we destroy the situation, if possible with a cold head, with concomitant grounds. Namely, now it is much easier to confirm your mortgage payments, for utilities, for children, because most of payments produced by bank card. And the fact that the bank is supplied to the bank has a personal signature. So, the marriage contracts, IMHO, have a relative nature when already at all Mesallians.
Each item weighs a lot in relationships. No marriage contract can be resolved. Because you can not weigh emotional condition. Therefore it is impossible to assess the strength of marriage marriage contract. He can be strong in spite of it, he can break down, and someone will say: "Hallelujah"!, Despite the material losses.
From myself I will say, with a certain setting of partners on each other, everything is worried. The main thing is emotionally and intellectually coincide. Not yet difficulty in one family.
Chickens, you sausage so much?
Maybe let go of the nafik? Or do you broadcast someone else's opinion?

Well, would you say, but? I myself do not know how to behave when cheating, divorce, and so on. How I will overflow or release after all, too, do not guess. Maybe you will be friends, and maybe enemies.
So we planned the childbirth, and I could not even imagine how everything changes and it is my attitude to the situation.
In the torus and a new child may already be discussed.

Control family finances. Multification of the family budget: analysis and planning, tools and strategy, initial how to plan costs per year? To control costs and income, you can use the conventional notebook in the cell ...

Discussion

IMHO, it is suitable either to someone who consider in principle, while it can easily be able to earn money - I knew several such, after a certain level of income, they simply hired themselves financiers so as not to be distracted by "insignificant" :)))
Or those who consider and plans between the case in the head, on a half-centational level, that is, some special processes or action does not consider this.
I, the more, more precisely, the global, I plan, the more effective.

The Council is strange. I do not care clearly, I try to save a little, but life makes up its adjustments. For example, in August, an expensive operation was urgently needed, to wait for the quota in early 2019, doctors did not advise, worsening. As a result, one "piggy bank" went there, plus it took a little at mom's cash in order not to touch the bill. Accordingly, I do not postpone anything in the piggy bank until he align after the August spending. There is still an untouchable account, where every month I postpone about 2 thousand, sometimes more, it is a piggy bank to a pension.

Separate budgets - separate life. Everyday problems. Family relationships. Discussion of family issues: love and jealousy, marriage and treason, divorce and alimony plus question about finance is a hidden question about sex..not know what and how you .. let's control ...

Discussion

I b overwhelmed from longing in such respects.
Nor nor romance nor love words
I can not even imagine sex in such a pair.
The body comes. And no emotions

You are so young, and the man is just for the body
Male for the soul is first needed
And for the body and leisure you can and at 70 to start yourself when there is money

Once such a topic has created uncomfortable in such a relationship.
Noncomfort is a constant stress. Can not be so
It turns out shortly into the scandal and divorce.
If you don't change something in a situation

Conference "FAMILY RELATIONS" "FAMILY RELATIONS". Section: Finance (who has three children what is your budget). The total income is fixed 175 per month + partabilities of one-time (difficult to calculate). Plus, my mother has a pension + salary, but she spends them only on themselves ...

Discussion

My mother never voiced his salary and his father, I don't even know her retirement. And other housing housing and communal services learned to fill out only after receiving an apartment, and I already had 32. Mom said, and why should you have - you will learn. She just told me how much share of our family in a publication.

Finance. Family relationships. Marriage and calculations: financial relations in the family. Nothing wrong. Such suggestions from spouses are usually coming when one sap is on something and believes that another transit money.

Discussion of family issues: love and jealousy, marriage and treason, divorce and alimony, relations between relatives. Horoscope for the signs of the zodiac: Leo, Virgo, Scales, Scorpio in 2018. Marriage and calculations: financial relations in the family.

Discussion

3 cancer in loved ones - absolutely not like that. I am twin and 2 more close relatives - nothing from the description. Daughter and mother-in-law - Aries, also past

Fishes are pretty similar other than the first sentence, the SPRs are also similar, the Aries are subneucet, although there is similarity. About co-collaboration in the family I think that it does not depend on the signs. My mother-in-law are the same signs as my husband, but compatibility is different. However, they, and we have been married for a hundred years. And these are signs nearby, which is considered extremely unfavorable for long unions on horoscopic rules. They also say that compatible for friendship, for example. Signs of one element - my observations are exactly opposite. Cons of Fish and Screws are poorly combined at all

Marriage and calculations: financial relations in the family. Family budget. Against this background, do you expect from him to understand your role in the family? Bonus and its financial difficulties with the need to solve them now, and realizing that issues: pregnancy and childbirth ...

Discussion

Vasilisa, while your husband is in the run, you alone stretch the insane cargo. The upbringing of boys is a difficult matter, and for sure, not female: even if you go fishing with them or knead concrete, you will not replace them with your father / grandfather / Uncle / Step. Tell me, do you consider the question of a new marriage? Senior boy in five years after five (if not earlier) will fall from you, it will become independent. And this is right: he must go his way. And you will stay with the 10-year-old son .... then sons, of course, will ask why not arranged his personal life while young? Just do not think to make their partner for your sons of the new "dad", but on the rights of a senior comrade, a friend: less obid in children. Joint men's business will bring them closer, and it will be easier for you financially.
If you want me to help you personally, he will write down to me for a free consultation, in which we clarify what you do right now in your particular personal situation.
Lyudmila Yesakova, a consultant on personal matters and family relations.
Good luck to you!

Any child is needed primarily love from loved ones, and not material benefits (although it is important) any situation can be explained to the child, you should always remember "so it will not always" and when it was good and when not very, but attention and love you Give your children will remain with them forever and boomerang returns to you.

Marriage and calculations: financial relations in the family. Few people can easily enter into a new rich life and start living with this wealth 7Y.Ru - information project According to family issues: pregnancy and childbirth, parenting, education and career, home-based ...

Discussion

how would I like to have so much money to finally understand that you are not happiness! But it definitely does not shine.

The question is so hypothetical and spherical ... and little man And the big has its own from his point of view serious problems and complexity. So empty conversation in my opinion.

I (40 years old, 2 children (live with me)) I meet with a man (36 years old, two children). A man has a pointer for finance, in his youth survived the period of lack of money, now to both the most important question - This is a matter of finance for him. Trying to discuss the future family budget.

Discussion

according to your description, a man looks more like a cunning alphonse, if it strictly keeps accounting 300m rubles, the iPhone for 70 thousand for him is a valid spending on the sleeping of your vigilance. Consider. Your children should be in the first place in any respect.

So tell him. You are still a big one that you earn so well. If he wants to be with you, then the question of money should disappear.

Marriage and calculations: financial relations in the family. Workshop "Family Budget". Family Finance Management. Family budget. Discussion of family issues: love and jealousy, marriage and treason, divorce and alimony, relations between relatives.

Discussion

Read about the abuse. That's right your topic.
You write\u003e On the one hand it is right, this is not his children.
But nichrome is not correct. That's right, this is when a man takes responsibility and for a woman for her children.
My young man raises three of my children. And if I need to twist somewhere (in the hospital, to a meeting with friends or wherever), he sits with them and even he does not come to his head that he should not, because This is not his children ...

So you are already growing nonsense. Do not worry, you are a self-sufficient woman who copes without a man. What you have (sorry for my French) is an inflatable doll, imitation of the feeling that a man is.

crash finance in the family. It so happened that from the secured family now we have become literally poor. Marriage and calculations. Finance as a cause of family conflicts. How should financial relations in the family, how to overcome financial difficulties.

Discussion

I'm shocked ... Mom, what are you satisfied? 19 year old cable drive in the neck ... he learns .. kmmm
... If you have learned to sleep with the women, it should be able to work, it's me as a man as a man. Daughters explain that love love, but you are also not a robot and you can not contain their two. Full of madness ... I would like such an asshole at a meeting in the face ... I didn't touch the #### ...

Do not worry and do not bother, everything will work out. Eat a barley and peas.