Bad habits in children. Fingers in the mouth - emotional addiction or a simple habit? - aromatherapy workshop

Is thumb sucking normal?

Thumb sucking is normal for newborns and young children. The natural instinct of sucking leads to the fact that in the first months of life or even before birth, the baby begins to suck his fists. Children can suck on fingers, hands, and other objects such as pacifiers.

Why do babies suck their fingers?

Babies have a natural need to suck, which usually diminishes after 6 months. But many babies continue to suck their fists to calm down. Thumb sucking can become a habit in children, who use thumb sucking to calm themselves when they are hungry, afraid, excited, tired, or sleepy.

Most newborns suck their thumb. Children who have just learned to walk also suck their thumb. Children gradually wean themselves from this habit at the age of 3 to 6 years.

Does thumb sucking cause any problems?

Sucking on the thumb for too long can lead to dental problems. Thumb sucking can cause the baby's teeth to be misplaced (malocclusion) or push the teeth out, which in some cases may deform the palate (upper palate). The malocclusion corrects on its own when the baby stops thumb sucking. But the longer the child continues to suck on the thumb, the more likely it is that orthodontic treatment will be needed to correct the dental problems.

The child may also have problems with speech, including incorrect pronunciation of the letters "t", "d", "t", "s", sigmatism, stretching of the tongue when speaking.

When does thumb sucking become a problem?

Thumb sucking is not a problem in children under 4 years of age. Children who frequently or intensively suck their fingers at age 4-5, or continue to suck their fingers after age 5, may experience serious dental and speech problems.

Very rarely, thumb sucking after age 5 is a child's reaction to emotional problems or other disorders such as fear. Such a child must be shown to a doctor. Most babies stop thumb sucking after simple treatments.

How to get rid of the thumb-sucking habit?

Usually home treatment is enough to get rid of this habit: parents must set certain rules and restrictions. You can limit the time and places where the child can suck a finger, you can also take blankets and other objects that the child associates with thumb sucking from the child's field of vision. Praising the child for not sucking his thumb can also be effective. As they grow older, around the age of 5, the child can actively participate in attempts to break the habit.

If these methods are not effective, you can use other methods, including behavioral therapy, fingertips, or some oral method.

Thumb sucking - symptoms

Thumb sucking, the baby will usually place the thumb over the tongue, pressing forward on the upper front teeth or gums and back on the lower front teeth or gums. Callus 1 * may develop on a child's finger if the child sucks the finger very often and intensively.

Some children suck on the other fingers instead of their thumb. This is because the first attempt at thumb sucking made it easier for the child to find other fingers on the hand than the thumb.

Some children, when sucking a finger, touch the fabric, reach for their ears, twist their hair.

Thumb sucking is usually not a problem in children under 4 years of age. Children who, after 4-5 years of age, often or intensively suck their thumb, may experience:

Emotional difficulties... Some preschoolers who suck their thumb may feel ashamed if teased by other children. Don't shame or punish your child for thumb sucking. This will only lower his self-esteem.

Dental problems... In the future, thumb sucking can cause many dental problems, such as misaligned teeth (malocclusion). The malocclusion usually heals on its own when the baby stops thumb sucking. But the longer a child sucks a thumb, the more likely it is that he or she will need the help of an orthodontist during treatment.

Speech problems... Most often, as a result of thumb sucking, a child may form an incorrect pronunciation of the letters "t", "d", "t", "s", sigmatism, the child will stretch his tongue when speaking.

Thumb sucking - testing

Thumb sucking is normal before age 4 and does not require medical attention. Babies who continue to suck their thumb after 4-5 years of age may need:

Dental check up to check for abnormalities in the formation of teeth, bite or jaw.

Speech check if there is mispronunciation or other abnormalities.

If the thumb sucking habit is very strong and correlates with other child behaviors, such as fear or reaction to trauma, psychiatric help may be needed.

Overview of thumb sucking treatments

Most babies stop thumb sucking on their own around the age of 3-6. This usually does not require additional measures.

Babies who suck on their fingers may need treatment if:

If they also try to suck their hair, especially at 12-24 months of age.

Thumb sucking is continued intensively after 4-5 years.

They ask for help to get rid of this habit.

As a result of thumb sucking, the children began to develop dental and speech problems.

Thumb-sucking makes the child feel embarrassed and teased by others.

Measures to stop thumb sucking are most effective when the child is involved and is motivated to break the habit. Medical experts offer a wide variety of treatments. Some of them are even sure that the treatment will not be effective until the child himself is interested in the result, otherwise all attempts to get rid of this habit will only root it. Some, on the contrary, are convinced that it is necessary to try to get rid of this habit, even if the child resists.

It is very important to postpone treatment if the child is experiencing stress, such as after an injury, the loss of a pet, a move, or because the family is experiencing certain difficulties.

Some parents, whose baby sucks their thumb, cannot or do not want to ignore this habit in a child, even if he is less than 4. In this case, parents can talk with the doctor about their feelings, and should not focus their attention on getting rid of this habits of the child.

Experts disagree on what is best for newborns: toe suck or use a pacifier. One of the advantages of using a pacifier is the fact that you have control over when your child uses the pacifier. But in some cases, pacifiers can be the reason ear infectionsin some children. Prolonged thumb sucking can cause serious dental problems, although most children stop thumb sucking before going to school.

Thumb-sucking problems can most often be solved with home treatments, such as praising and rewarding your child for not sucking his thumb. If home treatments have not worked, you can use the following methods:

Psychological (behavioral) therapy. During this treatment, the child is taught to avoid thumb sucking using various methods, such as gently touching the index finger of one hand to the index finger of the other hand. This type of treatment works best when all family members are involved.

Thumb fittings. Thumb attachments, such as pegs, can be used when the child cannot be weaned from thumb sucking in any other way. Typically, the finger cover is made of non-toxic plastic, is put on the finger and the child wears it without removing it. The case is held on the finger using special fasteners that are installed on the wrist. The device is removed only after the child has been able not to suck his thumb for 24 hours in a row. The device is put back on the hand if the baby begins to suck the thumb. The device should only be worn by a doctor.

Mouth gadgets. Mouth attachments (such as a palatal arch or braces that are attached to the baby's palate) prevent the baby from enjoying thumb sucking, but rather create some discomfort. With these devices, it can take several months to stop your baby from sucking with the thumb (or other fingers). When the baby stops thumb sucking, parents may want to use these devices for several more months. Thanks to this, the child will not develop the habit again. All devices of this type must be installed by a dentist.

Thumb sucking or using a pacifier

Many parents wonder if it is worth substituting thumb sucking for pacifiers. Research does not show whether a particular method is preferred. Moreover, although parents may encourage their child to suck on the pacifier instead of the thumb, they do not know what the child will choose.

While the benefits of using a pacifier or thumb sucking are not always clear-cut, there are some general factors that parents need to consider.

The advantage of using a pacifier is that you have control over when the baby can use the pacifier and can pick up the pacifier when it is no longer needed. However, the use of pacifiers can increase the likelihood that a baby will develop a middle ear infection, especially if the pacifier is used after the baby is 12 months old.

The advantage of thumb sucking is that the habit does not interfere with breastfeeding and usually stops on its own at 3-5 years of age. However, if a child continues to suck his thumb after 4 years of age, he may develop serious dental problems. Moreover, it is more difficult to wean a child from thumb sucking than it is to wean a dummy.

Talk to your doctor to understand how long it takes to start using a pacifier on a breastfeeding baby.

Note that there is no need to encourage the use of a pacifier or thumb sucking in children who are not interested in it. The sucking instinct in these babies is satisfied by breastfeeding or using a feeding bottle.

Thumb sucking - home treatment

It is not recommended to use home treatment for children under 4 years of age, as long as they do not suck their fingers very often and intensively enough. From the age of 4, thumb sucking can cause dental and speech problems.

Usually, home treatment is enough to wean a child off thumb sucking. Parents can set rules and do their best to distract their child from thumb sucking. Over time, your child can become more involved in weaning the thumb sucking habit. This usually happens as the child is growing up and can understand the relationship between cause and effect, the concept of time, value (for example, right and wrong, or can feel a sense of pride), and can also control their emotions.

The following tips will help you wean your baby from thumb sucking:

What can parents do to stop their child from sucking their thumb (about 4 years)

Give your child more attention and distraction with other activities.

Limit the places and times when the baby can suck the thumb. For example, ask your child to suck their thumb only when they are in the bedroom.

Remove items (such as a blanket) that might make your child want to suck on their thumb. First, hide things for a short amount of time during the day. Gradually, as the child begins to feel comfortable, gradually increase the number of seized items.

Measures in which the child takes an active part in the process of weaning from thumb sucking (from 5 years old)

Talk frankly with your child about the consequences of thumb sucking.

Put gloves on your child's hands, or wrap a band-aid or cloth around your finger. Explain that gloves, tape, or cloth are not punishment, but a reminder not to suck your thumb.

Come up with some kind of reward system, for example, paste stickers on the calendar or something else to mark the days when the child did not suck his finger. After a certain number of days, arrange for something like a grand celebration.

Use a non-toxic nail polish with a bitter taste. Apply it to your thumbnail every morning and you will see if your baby sucked his thumb or not. This is most effective, especially when used in conjunction with a praise system.

Before you start home treatment for your baby to stop thumb sucking, make sure you are happy with your plan. Also, make sure that your methods will be used by others who are caring for your child.

Trying to wean your child from the thumb sucking habit:

Do not take your finger out of your baby's mouth when he is awake. You can take your finger out of your baby's mouth when he is asleep.

Don't punish or shame your child for sucking a thumb. Remain calm when talking to your child about the dangers of thumb sucking.

Don't let others laugh at your child.

If home treatments are not working and you are annoyed by the fact that your baby is sucking on your thumb, talk to your doctor.

Thumb sucking is very common among young children. In the absence of pathologies, such a habit is not a symptom of mental illness, it is simply a manifestation of the sucking reflex. Thumb sucking calms the baby and also gives the baby a sense of satisfaction. Sucking his finger, the child, as it were, makes it clear that he is experiencing some kind of discomfort, a feeling of anxiety. This is a purely childish habit that many babies have in the womb. In young children, this habit usually occurs under the influence of stress.

Why does the baby suck his thumb?

The kid sucks his thumb reflexively, i.e. does this action unconsciously. Therefore, such an activity should be considered as a sign indicating the child's difficulties in communicating with others. If a child sucks his fingers for a long time and intensely, he kind of makes it clear that he needs attention, warmth and affection from his parents. This habit suggests that he feels insecure and rejected.

Psychotraumatic factors

Often, with the appearance of a younger brother or sister in the family, the child lacks attention from the parents and begins to suck his fingers in search of comfort. In such cases, the behavior of the parents is of great importance, as well as the sensitivity of the child. Thus, in the overwhelming majority of cases, this habit is caused by the failure to meet the needs of the child at one stage or another of development. An older child may fall into infancy and suck fingers when he cannot cope with the situation or get his way.

How to get rid of a bad habit?

If you want to wean your child from the thumb-sucking habit, then you must remember that this habit arises from the baby's unmet need for sucking. Later, the child sucks his thumb in order to calm down or rather fall asleep. Therefore, when weaning from this habit, he may have difficulty falling asleep. In addition, your desire to help your baby get rid of this habit can cause conflicts. Parents are encouraged to stop worrying and try to distract their child with play or some other fun activity that will give him pleasure and develop self-confidence. If the baby is trying to get rid of this habit, he needs to be praised for this.

Thumb sucking is a child's unconscious action. Therefore, parents should not show undue concern about this. However, with prolonged, continuous and intense thumb sucking, it is necessary to think about the possible reasons for this behavior of the baby, and not just about how to wean him from this habit. The child sucks his thumb unconsciously and not at all in order to make the parents angry. Thus, he tries to resolve internal conflicts and show that he needs parental attention. Therefore, you should not shame the child and say that "only the little ones do this."

If you try to wean the child from sucking fingers, then in this case, the treatment will be symptomatic, but the true reasons will remain. As a result, the child will stop doing this, but he will surely find a "replacement" for this habit, or, even worse, he will develop a vegetative neurosis.

Is thumb sucking normal?

In the first years of life, this is normal. However, if this habit does not disappear over time, then you should pay attention to its intensity and consult a doctor. However, even if this habit occurs in an older child, this is not necessarily a cause for concern.

Sometimes, as a result of intense thumb sucking, children develop an irregular bite, and the formation of the jaws is disrupted. In this case, the parents should show the baby to the doctor.

Sucking soothes

When sucking on the mother's breast, the baby receives food, however, this process has a calming effect. In wild tribes, children suckle their mother's breast when they feel hungry and when they feel anxiety and fear.

“Don't bite your nails!”, “Shame on you, there are scissors!”, “You will have stomatitis!” - Have you ever heard such shouts on the street, in transport, at a visit? The problem is as old as the world. Many parents, in the practice of upbringing, meet with a bad habit in children, like removing the skin on their fingers with their teeth, breaking off nails, sucking a thumb. Some dads and moms begin to resort to extreme measures to wean their children from a harmful skill, for example, smearing children's fingers with pepper or mustard.

How to deal with dangerous behavior and where did it come from? Psychologist - aroma consultant Diana Dozmarova answers these questions.

Pscientifically, the habit of obsessive nail biting is called onychophagia.

"Onychophagia comes from the Greek word onychophagia. Onycho means a nail, and phagein is."

Psychological studies have long revealed that for many people, both children and adults, the skill of biting nails, burrs, biting or sucking fingers, peeling off the nail plate is an attempt to get rid of mental discomfort with the help of some minor action when the individual is not thinks about the outcome of the decision.

And, the consequences of an automatic decision can be disastrous, for example, an infection entering the body; possibly - deformation of the nail, purulent inflammation (panaritium).

And that is not all.

Scientifically, there are all the signs of addictive behavior.

It manifests itself as follows:

when you stop controlling a habit, it begins to control you, thus taking root in your life.

How to get rid of onychophagia? Who is affected by it? When do parents need to sound the alarm and contact a specialist?

Onychophagia and babies

As a rule, children under three years old do not have the skill of biting their nails. In this age period - to keep a finger in your mouth, at times the only way to calm down in a critical situation for a baby.

Such situations can be:

• Abrupt or early weaning, and the baby replaces the mother's nipple with a finger. In this case, psychologists recommend giving a dummy pacifier more often.
• If for one reason or another the child is left alone. For example, in a hospital or at home, when little affection and tenderness are provided to the baby. Thumb sucking compensates the baby for the lack of a sense of security and positive emotions.
• In situations where parents do not respond to crying. In this case, the little one feels fear, anxiety, anxiety, and begins to suck his thumb, trying to calm down.

At an early age, a finger in a baby's mouth is a natural process, perhaps teething or seeking protection, peace of mind. More recently, in mom’s safe tummy, the baby sucked a finger, being in peace and quiet.

Onychophagia during adolescence

From 4 years old, more and more babies acquire the manner of pulling a finger into their mouth and performing undesirable actions with it.

According to most experts, onychophagia in childhood and adolescence can occur as a result of the psychological trauma experienced.

Perhaps such an injury or injuries were:

• separation of parents,
• frequent quarrels in the family,
• stressful situation in kindergarten / school.
• Perhaps you often urge, rush to get dressed or quickly do the lessons of a slow toddler, thereby causing a feeling of dissatisfaction with yourself.

Bottom line - your child starts to bite his nails.

By biting their nails, children try to hide their aggressiveness towards people around them or towards themselves. It is like an outlet for suppressed hostility.

Subsequently, such behavior will begin to arise automatically in any unpleasant situation, at any age. Thus, by gnawing nails and burrs, anxiety, complexes and fears are eliminated.

How to be?

• Try to connect with your child, talk kindly, and figure out the reasons for the anger.
• Analyze your behavior, perhaps a harsh, demanding, demanding system with notes of criticism prevails in upbringing.

If your family has a loving and supportive atmosphere, but the child still bites his nails?

It is possible that after reading the reasons below, you will discover why this is happening.

• Hygienic reason.Maybe you missed the moment of caring for the condition of the baby's nails, the skin around them - the child himself will begin to get rid of the irritants that interfere with him.
• The reason for pleasure.It is not uncommon for children to get physical pleasure from biting off their nails.
• The reason for growing up.Perhaps your beloved son, daughter does not want to grow up. For example, additional responsibilities have appeared - to babysit, clean up toys for the younger brother.

Sucking a finger, gnawing marigolds, the child returns to his safe childhood, where everyone loved him, caressed him, and he was one and only. Thus, he shows that he is not ready for adulthood.

• Sample reason. If you bite your nails, then your baby, taking a sample from you, may begin to bite his own nails.

When to start sounding the alarm and save your child from the addiction? In cases:

• Does not let go of the finger from the mouth;
• Receives noticeable pleasure from a bad habit;
• Getting older, without hesitation, on the machine, she bites her nails in public.

Psychological pictureprone to onychophagia

As a rule, girls, having reached the age of ten, try to control themselves, due to the emergence of a complex regarding the appearance of their own nails.

The share of boys, on the contrary, increases sharply after 10 years.

According to research in the field of onychophagia, the most predisposed to this habit are people with a heightened sense of duty, responsibility, with a predominance of choleric - melancholic temperament. This type of temperament implies:

• irascibility
• impulsiveness,
• emotional instability,
• often - lack of communication,
• shyness,
• low self-esteem,
• susceptibility to depression, anxiety, melancholy.

How to fix the situation?

Before contacting a specialist, try to independently identify the moments when there is a need for nail biting.

Most often, the techniques provided below are enough.

• The most important thing is to understand if the child is experiencing feelings of fear, loneliness, boredom and self-doubt.
• It is unacceptable to scold, criticize, shame, demanding ideal behavior, as this can cause your baby to withdraw even deeper into himself and start / continue to bite his nails.
• In moments of increased nervousness, try to distract with an interesting activity, a game. For example - modeling, working with clay, painting. Think of a game aimed at gymnastics for fingers, with toys that are pleasant to the touch, dance exercises are suitable for older children, joint play in puppet theater.
• If there are frequent family quarrels, try to improve the atmosphere. In psychology, it is believed that up to 2-3 years of age, parents need to be treated or re-educated, not children. The essential oils in the aroma lamp, which will be discussed below, will undoubtedly help in improving the home environment.
• A child safe manicure set can be presented to a child. Sometimes it helps, a variant of children's nail art, which can be perceived as an interesting funny toy on the nails.
• When the baby falls asleep, it is better to be near him, read good fairy tales, for example, from the therapeutic series - fairy tale therapy.
• Telling fairy tales affectionately, massage your hands and fingers. For example, with lavender oil, which can be used undiluted and applied directly to the skin.

Place 1-2 drops of oil on your fingers and rub gently into your child's skin, without touching their nails or fingertips.

The aroma of lavender will relieve a child's nervous tension, give a serene sleep, reduce aggression, and cause a state of inner peace.

To relieve anxiety and peace of mind, add 1 of the oil to your pillow.

Sometimes, use the indispensable tool of the aroma consultant - the aroma lamp (fig. 1)

• For restless children from 4 to 12 years old, gnawing, sucking fingers, it is perfect to take a warm bath, which has a calming effect.

Pour 20-40 ml of milk into a cup, add up to 3 drops of chamomile or tea tree oil or lavender, but not more. Shake well, pour into warm bath water, mix with water.

Do not use constantly, but only as needed.

• After 12 years - you can use 5 drops of oil diluted in a glass of milk for a bath.
• Fatty Avocado Oil will help with inflammation of the nail fold. It will eliminate inflammation, strengthen and improve nail growth. You can use it neat.

Apply the oil to your nails daily and massage lightly on the nail and nail roller for 15-20 minutes.

• After 14 years - Sage oil will help to cope with bad habits, which include addictions not only to bite nails, but also to get rid of smoking, polyphagia - excessive food consumption, alcohol abuse.

Sage is an excellent antidepressant, balancing the nervous system: simultaneously showing a calming and general tonic effect.

You can use this essential oil in an aroma lamp.

3-5 drops of Sage essential oil drip into a container with water in the aroma lamp and forget about it. The essential oil will do all the work on its own.

Consider contraindications when using Sage essential oil.

Contraindications to the use of Sage:

- to persons with individual intolerance to the components included in the essential oil;

- do not apply to children under 5 years of age;

- do not use: before going to bed, during pregnancy and while breastfeeding;

- in severe stages of hypertension and epilepsy; with acute glomerulonephritis;

- do not combine with the intake of alcohol and iron-containing drugs.

• Also, to improve the family atmosphere, relieve overexcitation, eliminate tearfulness, hysterical reactions, use lavender oil in the aroma lamp.

Starting from one year old baby - no more than 2 drops per aromalam, as the child grows up, increasing to 5 drops per 15 m² of the room.

How to use essential oils in an aroma lamp?

A mixture of essential oils or one oil should be no more than 5 drops per 15 m² of the room.

Rules for using an aroma lamp:

• Before using the aroma lamp, you need to ventilate the room. And the procedure itself is best done with the windows closed. Lamp Hours: 20 minutes to 2 hours.
• Pour hot water - 50-60 degrees into a container for water, drop the required amount of essential oil into it and have fun.

Psychologists are convinced that we all need to receive at least 7 conscious pleasures a day.

For example, listen to a beautiful song, hear a nice compliment, hear the words - "I love you", feel the embrace of a loved one ...

Try to start living with love and pleasure each other more often, at least seven times a day. And, perhaps, our children will be much happier and less addicted to such addictions as computer addiction, alcoholism, overeating, drug addiction, smoking and, of course, onychophagia.

Tongue sucking is considered a less difficult harmful habit in orthodontics, mainly because the psychological factor plays a lesser role.

The etiology of the development of the bad habit of sucking the tongue:
1. Genetic factor.
2. Copying behavioral responses from adults.
3. Mechanical factor, for example, with temporary loss of teeth.
4. Psychological factor. Significantly less than with the bad habit of thumb sucking. The psychological factor is the cause in about 40% of patients.
5. Neurological nature.

BACKLUND 1963 classification
▪ Anterior tongue thrust Anterior tongue thrust.
▪ Forceful anterior thrust Forceful anterior thrust.
▪ Posterior tongue thrust Thrusts in the posterior position of the tongue.
▪ Lateral thrusting in case of missing teeth. Lateral tremors in the absence of posterior teeth.

Fletcher classification
A. Simple: associated with thumb sucking, open bite. Simple thumb sucking, open bite.
B. Complex: associated with tonsils, URTI. Complex, related to the tonsils.

Clinical manifestations of the bad habit of tongue sucking:
1. Open bite in the anterior or lateral area.
2. Inclination of the front teeth.
3. Protrusion.
The orthodontist should control the sucking of the tongue starting at the age of 3, the psychological factor does not affect the child so much, so early treatment can be started. It is important to carry out differential diagnostics and identify tongue sucking is a bad habit or adaptation for the period of tooth loss during a physiological change.

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Children and adults suck on their fingers, bite and break off their nails. Adults are resourceful in their reactions and attempts (and more often torture) to "eradicate" this habit.

Children are creative and wonderful in their ability to adapt and seek healing. Unfortunately, there are no universal recipes. I will offer several directions for thoughts and searches. There will be a lot - but practical. The topic is multifaceted and studied in different ways.

1. Sucking fingers (corners of clothes, in continuation - smoking is possible, etc.), biting nails, breaking off nails - symptoms that at first glance are similar, but usually have a different cause.

2. This is not just a "bad habit" - these are neurotic actions, often completely unconscious, not always controlled (especially in children whose volitional centers have not yet been formed). The child does not do this on purpose to annoy the parent.

3. Behind each such action there is a deeper reason - and adults strain, to be honest, not even because of the action itself, but because of the “charge” - uncontrollable and important, which they feel “behind” the actions. (Just as parents are tense not because of the mess in the teenager's room, but because of the inner state of the teenager, which masks the outer mess.)

4. Any formed habit - speaks of the existing fixed mechanisms - is a habit of our neural connections. It takes time for it to change. And you need to suggest and work out an alternative action or reaction.

5. We cannot take anything without providing anything in return. This is the basic rule of education. If we withdraw ourselves, we leave our grandmother or nanny instead. We take away the computer - we offer a meaningful alternative - our emotional presence, a book…. If there is no replacement, a new, possibly more serious and already bodily somatic symptom will grow in this formed "emptiness".

6. The greater our stress, the more demands “to do something about it” - the more the child feels “not like that”, the more likely the symptom will fix or transform it into something else (for example, without comments on the adequacy of the methods “Parental therapy” - a child who was told that his hands and penis would be torn off with another “tapping” for masturbation - there was sucking fingers, when the parents threatened to cut off his fingers - enuresis began).

Sucking

We know a lot about the oral phase of development. This is the time when the baby-toddler enjoys and develops many bodily adaptations and mechanisms (for example, when sucking, three nerves with huge zones of "reference" are involved at once: the vagus, ternary and nasopharyngeal nerves), gets the experience of closeness, safety, trust - thanks to sucking milk from the breast. And just then and as much as he needs. Each child has its own norm, as well as the capabilities of the family system.

This is the "oral" time, when the feeling of I Existence is laid in the child and My Needs can be satisfied by the world. This is the time for the formation of attachment - the opportunity to generally be in close relationships, to accept and respond to intimacy. This is the time for the formation of basic trust or distrust in the world.

Each person has their own needs, lessons and experiences. If the child's need for various reasons was not satisfied, if something traumatic happened at that time - the child can “fully satisfy” - get this need by choosing “substitutes” - a finger, a pacifier, a pencil, a cigarette ...

In finger sucking, we divide the age:

Babies and children after 3 years

Babies who are on mixed feeding, when cutting teeth, by sucking a cam and a finger, compensate for what they lack or anesthetize the process. This is a variant of the norm, you can “do nothing” with this (but - an important disadvantage - it can turn into a habit). At this age, the lack of contact with the breast is compensated for by emotional closeness and emotional response and body contact.

With the help of sucking, older and very adult people return to themselves the feeling of the presence of someone important (they fill the void in which mom and dad should be), safety, and relieve emotional stress.

They Regress - return to the past when the present is too tense.

• They regain a sense of secure borders.
• Compensate for missing tenderness.
• Calm down before bed.
• Fill in the boredom space.

For the only children in the family - an opportunity in such a strange way to take a break from excessive contacts (at school and kindergarten).

Need: Safety, Reliance on mom, relieve excess stress, return to closeness and tenderness. To regain a sense of importance while being jealous of the younger. Reduce your own criticality, control, get out of the pressure of criticality, control, perfectionism - your own and your parents.

What to do:

1. Find the source of neurotization - insecurity.

2. To reduce the possible exactingness and evaluativeness.

3. More bodily contact, massages, bodily games, especially hugs and everything that resembles hugs - hugs are a projection of the "womb", games of hide and seek, halabudas, and so on. Play babies.

4. Draw mandalas, houses, build something that would create a sense of boundaries. Play under the covers.

5. Give drink from a straw, from a drinking bowl.

6. Prepare food together.

7. Sometimes a paradoxical method works - to make thumb sucking not only permissible, but obligatory. I wrote out a prescription with a stamp - “on Monday from 15-15: 15 to suck with smacking the thumb of my right hand. Tuesday - from 16-16: 15 - suck with smacking the index finger of the left hand and so on. For parents this is a serious test, for children - paradoxical psychotherapy.

8. Play with water and in water.

9. Paint with finger paints.

Strange questions for an adult:

• What - who do you want to return - suck in, absorb?
• Who do you miss?
• Do you want to curl up in a ball?
• What is tenderness for you?

Nail biting

A form of autoaggression and retroflection - the child bites his nails, instead of "biting", showing his teeth.

A child with this symptom is often hyperresponsible and sensitive, afraid of hurting others, saying “wrong”, offending, shy, self-critical. He often takes responsibility for his parents' feelings. Afraid to upset them, afraid to make a mistake, not live up to expectations. Can sometimes speak softly and indistinctly. It's hard for him to say No. Suppresses natural aggressive impulses. Often he cannot say what he wants and does not want. Do not allow yourself to be wrong. It's hard to relax. The back may be bent, as if a load is on the shoulders. Feels often fear and guilt. In biting nails, suppressed words, self-criticism, control are manifested. There are points in the nail bed - projections of different stages of our development. Sometimes a child "stimulates", picking or biting, "the point of conception, birth" ... The same child may have frequent laryngitis, tonsillitis, bronchitis.

What to do:

1. Reduce pressure. To remove from the child responsibility for his feelings and howl of unfulfillment.

2. Teach and let say no.

3. Stimulate and encourage the choice of oneself.

4. Share your mistakes with a laugh.

5. Himself "let go" and allow yourself to fool around and rejoice.

6. Play pseudo-aggressive games (where there is "destruction"). Pull a handkerchief with your mouth like dogs, growl, bark at each other, gnaw crackers, apples, push.

7. Sing, shout, manifest in any creativity, spit at the target from the tube.

8. Sculpt from clay, plasticine, play with kinetic sand, cereals, pour liquids.

9. Body and hand massage.

10. Play role-playing games, go to theater studios.

11. Let them say "Mine!"

Everything that was written while sucking fingers.

Strange question for adults:

• Are you Samoyed?
• Why "eat" yourself?
• Who would you like to bite?
• When did you allow yourself to "show your teeth"?

Breaking nails

A form of autoaggression and retroflection, suppression of aggressive and destructive impulses, resistance to pressure. Reaction to corporal punishment, guilt for physical pain or injury, feelings of inferiority, inability to physically defend borders, one's territory, fear of corporal punishment, the need for tenderness and physical intimacy, self-punishment for masturbation or "forbidden" actions.

• Perfectionism.
• The control.
• Anxiety.
• Pressure.
• Sweating in emotional and physical intimacy and a sense of acceptance.

What to do:

1. Teach and learn to say no.

2. On the bodily level, defend your boundaries - defend your territory.

3. Give the right to the word "Mine".

4. Allow to show off.

5. Tear paper, play with sand, clay, draw with crayons, play janga, weave from a vine.

6. Games: boxing, bowling, small towns, darts, pillow fights, "in chapaeva".

7. Play the drum.

Everything that was written earlier.

Strange questions for adults:

• What are you breaking yourself in?
• What breaks you?
• Who breaks you off?

Of course, each person and person has their own symptoms and their causes, and the severity of these symptoms and causes. Of course, psychologists complicate everything, and without them, how many generations have grown up. And, of course, instead of everything written, it is easier to shout, crack or smear your fingers with brilliant green. Good growing up. published

Svetlana Royz

P.S. And remember, just by changing your consumption - together we are changing the world! © econet