What if I never get married. Never get married? "Now it's normal for me to hear compliments from strangers!"

Always, at all times, there was an opinion that the happiness of a woman is in her family, in her children and her husband. It was considered a shame to be unmarried, it is better to get married at least for a short time, and then divorce, they say, "they did not agree." In any case, no one will call an unnecessary spinster.

But modern life destroys age-old prejudices, and now many women deliberately choose a "bachelor" lifestyle, not wanting to stain their passport with a stamp and take on what they think are unnecessary obligations. Well, such a point of view has a right to exist. Let's take a closer look at what motivates women who do not want to burden themselves with marriage.

Unsuccessful marriage in the past

First, these are examples bad experience... Yours or your loved ones. Over time, it becomes clear that magnificent wedding with the most beautiful dress and an exclusive diamond ring - not a pledge at all family happiness... And a wedding can not always interfere major quarrels with the division of jointly acquired property.

Fear of commitment and responsibility

Secondly, women, as well as men, may be afraid to take responsibility for another person (husband, future children). This position is typical mainly for those ladies who started early independent life, without parental support. Over the years, they have completely established a comfortable life for themselves and are afraid that the presence of another person in it can destroy the established way of life. The reason is similar to the above, which is that a woman does not want to lose her economic independence.

Infantilism

Thirdly, the reason may be the opposite. A woman has been living under the same roof for too long with her parents or other relatives who take care of her comprehensively. Becoming already an adult daughter, but remaining, thus, an over-aged child, she is not ready to become a support and support for her beloved herself. Here the problem can go even deeper. Sincerely wishing their daughter family happiness, parents at the same time are afraid of losing her, therefore, with the help of explicit or covert manipulations suggest that her suitor is not a couple.

Career at the expense of family

Fourth, in our time, a woman can achieve career heights on a par with men, therefore, many are immersed in work, postponing their personal life, including marriage, and having children until later, when there is time. It follows from this and next reason, a woman is afraid to "dabble", to become "not interesting to anyone." A woman simply may not see herself in the family, not considering it necessary to have children and take care of someone. Content with creative self-realization and conquered career heights, the woman is in no hurry to get married.

Problems communicating with relatives

Fifth, a woman may not want new people to appear in her life. That is, being ready to accept a husband, a woman is against constant and regular communication with her father-in-law, his brothers and sisters, children from first marriages, and so on. And since it is not always possible to exclude such communication, a woman may be inclined to sacrifice relationships.

Polygamy

Sixth, many women, like many men, do not want monogamy in relationships. They do not want monotony in their personal life and do not want to dwell on one, even the best and most beloved partner.

The above reasons, although they have good reasons, at any moment, a woman, due to her impulsive nature, may consider them insignificant. All the same, love can and does win over all reasonable and logical arguments. In any case, marriage with a beloved man is preferable to dull loneliness, even if it is brightened up by various material goods... If a marriage is based on love and understanding, and not on a profitable calculation, it just needs to be happy!

Last week I walked slowly through the morning cemetery. A human-height sculpture caught my eye, and I moved closer. Unknown master carved from white stone curly woman's head... Just below beautiful face the inscription is located: "Dear Simochka".

I choked. Simochka is actually me. Perfect coincidence. I looked at the years of the deceased's life and choked a second time. 1940-1970. Only thirty years old. Do I need to say how old I will be in a few days?

Exactly six months ago, I had a nightmare. I rode in the car in the passenger seat, my mother was driving. The car skidded. We flew into the lake. When the car sank into the water, it became dark, and I felt something pressing hard on my ears. I tried to open the door, but nothing worked - it was blocked.

Suddenly I realized: everything, now I will run out of air and I will die. The understanding was clear, painfully clear. I gazed into the dark green murk of water, into the air bubbles that rose up, and I was seized by a real horror. And with it, a bitter regret that life ended so quickly. If you have ever stood on the threshold of life and death, you understand what feeling I am talking about. It can neither be confused with another, nor forgotten.

Nobody needs a woman after 30. In Russia, it becomes illiquid

I woke up and could not come to my senses for a long time, the dream seemed too real. At a meeting with a psychotherapist, she asked what such a dream could mean. She replied that something was going to happen in six months. I looked at her and said that in exactly six months I would turn thirty.

- Are you scared?
“Very much,” I admitted.

And now, only a few days separate me from my thirties, and I am trying to understand why this particular figure inspires so much fear. Is this the end of youth? Fear of death? Watershed?

I remembered how a friend once told me: “Nobody needs a woman after 30. In Russia it becomes illiquid ”. It is etched into my memory. I must admit, I did not have time to get married before thirty. So maybe in a couple of days the clock will strike midnight, I'll turn into a pumpkin, and my phone will be silent forever? For men, I will turn into invisibility, and they will pass through me, as people passed through Patrick Swayze in the movie "Ghost"?

I read the women's forum and stumble upon the phrase: "For a woman after 30, the presence of a husband is obligatory, like the presence of a sanitary book from a cook." Well, here you are, which is what was required to be proved.

How not to be frightened when these stupid voices are heard all around and settle into a soapy foam? Do they equate you with a product that has an expiration date, and reduce value as a person only to the ability to be someone else's woman? Voices that say after thirty you end up as a person and start out as a loser?

I didn’t get married, not because in the marriage market I’m a low-quality product that no one took

It makes no sense to deny that society is pressing. Better to find a solution and a way out of the situation - to get married. Kidding. Just find a way to deal with the fear. Reason tells me that in a few days, although I will become thirty, nothing in me will change. I will not be covered with a network of wrinkles in the evening, I will not wake up completely gray-haired. And your morning glass of water will still have a wedge of lime, not a snapping denture.

It's time to admit: I did not get married not because in the marriage market I am a low-quality product that no one took. It's time to stop treating yourself like that altogether. I didn't get married until I was thirty because I didn't want to. And that's okay.

I wanted to live for myself, get an education, build a career, go to parties, dance until the morning, travel, get to know people, have sex, read books, stand on my head, bungee jumping ... Anything but not getting married ... And I had the right to do so - not to want a family, children. Nobody can take this right away from me.

Getting married after thirty is as normal as brushing your teeth in the morning. The age of marriage registration in Russia today is 5-7 years higher than it was 30 years ago. Now it is 28 for girls and 32 for men. In Norway, women marry for the first time at an average of 32, in Sweden and Ireland at 34. The higher the standard of living in the country, the higher this figure. If you live well alone, there is no point in getting married early.

If you, too, did not manage to get married before 30 or build a career, buy an apartment, grow a tree or fly to the moon (substitute any directive about what you should have done here), do not worry. If you didn't, then you didn't want to.

And even more so they shouldn't have. You don’t owe anything to anyone: neither your parents, nor your family, nor society. You only owe yourself. And as long as you live the way you want, you are repaying this debt to yourself.

For a promising relationship to lead to desired result worth sticking to correct line behavior. There are 10 most common female mistakes that can scare off a man with even the most serious intentions.

If your relationship doesn't work out over and over again, it is possible that one of the reasons lies in the list below. Find out what becomes a stumbling block on the path to personal happiness, because forewarned is forearmed.

10 common mistakes women make

1. The conviction that all men are the same. It is to this conclusion that women come, behind whom there are several unsettled relationships. But this position must be abandoned once and for all, otherwise happiness will remain with seven locks: perceiving each new relationship as a repetition of past experience, you prepare in advance for failure. This attitude provokes appropriate behavior - heightened suspicion and the expectation of some mistake on the part of a man clearly does not contribute to the development of relations.

2. Excessive exactingness. Remember the old woman who wanted more and more, and in the end was left behind? This principle works in all areas of life, and most often in love. Not a single person will hold out for a long time under constant pressure at once in the spirit of "You, of course, great, but you should do this and that."

3. Excessive haste. Talking about marriage after a week of dating can scare any man. Why immediately put pressure on him with the burden of responsibility and make him think that soon he will have to radically change his life? Enjoy candy-bouquet period and let the relationship develop naturally, without any rush.

4. Obsession. Not a single harmonious person will go into a relationship with his head. Everyone has their own interests, goals, personal space. And the desire to penetrate into all the life spheres of the beloved, to draw absolutely all of his attention to himself and to occupy all the time - Right way to the fact that the choice will not be made in your favor.

5. Constant dissatisfaction. If, instead of rejoicing in the very fact of an act for her and the relationship, a woman (of course, with good purposes) indicates to a man his mistakes - most likely, sooner or later he will go in search of one that will appreciate him.

6. Frequent talk about the future. The ability to rejoice in what is now is a guarantee of life's happiness. By constantly looking into the future and rushing events, you are missing real life... A conversation about when and where it is better to play a wedding, started during romantic evening would be completely inappropriate. Enjoy the moment and the company of each other, and happiness will not loom somewhere on the horizon in the future, but will always be with you.

7. Constant comparisons with previous relationships. Even if this comparison, in your opinion, is absolutely harmless and is made even in favor of the man who is next to you now, frequent memories of the past are an indicator that it is still of no small importance to you. And this is how a man will perceive such comparisons.

8. Rivalry. This is especially true for those couples who work in the same area. Even if, in fact, a woman has achieved greater success than a man, this is not a reason to emphasize her superiority and reproach her partner for not putting in sufficient effort. Relationships are not a boxing ring, and it is inappropriate to measure strength in them.

9. Attempts to "change a man for the better." Always remember how you were when you met each other. The desire to turn the one you originally loved into another person will not give any positive effect... Not to mention the fact that a man's patience will burst one day, you yourself will not be happy with the result - you fell in love with that, you are independent and a unique person, not a "product of your influence."

10. Emphasizing deficiencies. This method does not motivate a man to change, but only makes him feel completely worthless and weak. Long time not a single person is capable of withstanding such a psychological attack. You need to gently and imperceptibly guide your partner on the path of overcoming your imperfections - only then will it give the desired effect.

Avoid common mistakes, and personal happiness won't keep you waiting. We wish you strong love and harmonious relationship, and do not forget to press the buttons and

22.11.2015 01:00

The foundation happy marriage is not only love but also permanent job over yourself and your behavior. Often rash actions ...

This is not a dramatic text about "I will remain lonely for the rest of my life." I am writing it to say that it is okay to have doubts about marriage. If you are not sure if you need it, if you want it, if it will ever happen, there is no reason to worry and sound the alarm. But I didn’t come to that realization right away.

Like many other girls, I grew up with the idea that one day I would get married. I was sure that sooner or later I would take this life step when the time will come... But closer to 30 years old, I realized that I was wrong. I've reached the age where everyone is announcing their engagement and walking down the aisle, and I'm lucky if there is a couple to accompany me at these weddings. I began to resist public pressure. I didn't want to look for a husband just to join the sacred marriage club and not feel lagged by my peers. In the end, I asked myself: do I really want this, or just think that I am supposed to want this?

I am still dealing with this issue. Understanding yourself is also normal. I started thinking about things that enrich my life now that I don't have a partner. Some of them may be preserved in marriage. But at the same time, there are things that are very important and valuable to me. I'm not ready to give them up for my family. Could this change at some point? Of course! But now I am where I am. Here are three reasons why I doubt the wisdom of marriage for myself.

I can afford the luxury of being selfish

I have no brothers or sisters, so since childhood I have been unreasonably labeled “selfish and spoiled”. All my life I have tried to convince others that I am not like that. I tried to show everyone that I am very much worried about other people's needs and feelings. Not only did I put someone else's happiness above mine, I replaced my happiness with it and ignored my needs. Only by the age of 30 I began to think how free girl and really focused on myself.

But in marriage, this is not possible. Usually, people vow to put their partner first and pledge to fight for their union for the rest of their lives. I ask myself: will I ever be able to change my current worldview so much? Will I be able to voluntarily sign a marriage that cannot be canceled if all goes wrong? The truth is, I'm not sure.

I did not see any of my relationships as a path to marriage - this is precisely the basis of my doubts. It is difficult to know what you are ready to sacrifice for the sake of a person whom you have not yet met. Perhaps one day I will meet "that very" man and "I will understand everything." Then none of these questions will matter. Anything can be.

I do not want children

For most of the past decade, I have known children are not on my list of goals for the future. It's not that I don't like kids. I have nothing against motherhood. It just isn't for me. When I explain to people that I do not want children, they usually tell me: "Don't worry, you will find someone else." Then I calmly explain: my decision is a personal choice made after careful consideration. The absence of a partner has nothing to do with it.

I understand that my decision not to have children will be a decisive factor for many potential partners. I foresaw this from the very beginning. I am forced to conduct the inevitable conversation with men about this shortly after meeting. If reluctance to have children lowers my chances of getting married, I will get over it. Because it's okay for me not to get married.

I still get to know myself

I am not at all like the person I was 10 or 5 years ago. I continue to grow and develop, I still know myself. We are often told that we need to understand ourselves and understand what you want to do, while studying at a university, or at least in early youth. But in reality, self-discovery is a lifelong process. I don't have to know exactly who I am and where life will take me over the next five years.

But now, after 30, I am much closer to understanding my life. Now I like myself as a person, as a woman. I like my current view of the world - I could not always say this about myself. The same thing I first expect from potential partner: to do his own personal development and did not seek to settle down too early.