How to get a divorce if you love your husband. ... You got divorced due to treason or betrayal. Leaving everything acquired together to her husband and leaving alone is the right way

The door closed and there was silence. He took with him not only shirts and a toothbrush. He took away happiness (of which there was still so much!), And air, and the ability to smile and speak.

“That's all, that's all” - knocks in my head, and I don't want anything else: neither live, nor move, nor love.

Desert of loneliness- this is most often said about the first days after the divorce of a woman from whom her husbands left. It seems that life is over. Resentment, hatred suffocates. Very painful, very bitter. How to deal with the situation? How to survive a divorce from your husband?

First of all, you need to understand: what is happening now is completely natural. This is a time of crisis, but one day it will end. And psychologists have long compiled a list of tips just for such a case. And you should listen to them.

What you need to do to survive a divorce from your husband

So, life has changed forever. This must be admitted and moved on. He is no more, and this bitter truth will have to be accepted. It's time to take responsibility for your life into your own hands. No one has the right to deprive a person of a happy life given by God. Especially the one who yesterday was the closest person and once took responsibility for creating a family.

Why does it hurt so much when a family breaks up? Where does this powerlessness, weakness, shaking hands and unwillingness to live come from? The answer actually lies on the surface. Life is energy. Everything that surrounds us is permeated by it. Love is the energy of happiness, joy, harmony. In a family, next to a loving man, a woman feeds on this spiritual food every day.

After a divorce, the constant influx of positive energy disappears along with its source, and a period of painful withdrawal begins. It can be compared, oddly enough as it sounds, with breaking. Weaning is very difficult. If you do nothing, let the process take its course, do not try to find a new source of positive energy, you can sink to the bottom of the deepest depression. And this is fraught with the most sad consequences.

So the plan is this.

Find the pros in the situation. Better (for the sake of clarity) to do it on paper. Take and write down all the positive aspects that divorce gives. You should look for the pluses diligently, without missing anything: you don't have to cook dinner every day (plus your figure!), Take time off for coffee with your girlfriends, disassemble men's socks in pairs, hang towels by color or size, etc.

Get rid of the negativity. All methods are good, including beating pillows and shouting dirty curses in the face of unanswered mezzanines. Psychologists advise to write down your grievances on pieces of paper and say them out loud, using the formula "I am offended that ... I feel towards him ...". You can find the book "Radical Forgiveness" and work with the questionnaire given there. And even better - to meet your ex-husband, you can even arm in arm with a new passion, and calmly express all your claims and feelings in his face. This will bring a logical line under the relationship.

Exercise is a great option. This is where you can throw out all the dirt and pain of recent months with benefits for your mental and physical health! Yoga, a treadmill, water aerobics or a parachuting section are all great ways to get rid of negativity and get through a divorce from your husband faster.

Set yourself a goal: to get your life back to normal. Look for any opportunity to feel at least an echo of joy. Meeting friends, hanging out more, watching positive films, reading good books, finding a new hobby, or reviving an old one.

Analyze what happened. This can be done only after the first pain subsides. The main thing is not to blame anyone, to take responsibility for your life upon yourself. Neither he nor you are to blame. It happened so. But what can be done to prevent the situation from repeating itself in the future?

Start moving towards the future. This is a logical step after the reasons for divorce have been analyzed. I need to say to myself: yes, now I feel bad, it seems that life is over, but there was a time when I thought the same way. Most likely, in life there have already been situations with heavy thoughts and feelings, but time has passed, and now the attitude to those past problems is completely different. Divorce will be the same!

Act as if the whole world exists for you. Take care of yourself, do not deny yourself anything, reduce the degree of responsibility for others, allow yourself to put your interests above the desires of children, parents or someone else.

Pamper and love yourself. Shopping, a new hairstyle, a spa, a good masseuse - that's what you need to restore the lost harmony. After all, good bodily sensations and a well-groomed appearance give the same positive energy. This is exactly what you need to survive a divorce from your husband.

If your depression continues despite your best efforts to end it, you should seek professional help. A friend as a vest is good, but sometimes it’s not enough. Psychologist knows how to cope with a divorce from her husband, and is as necessary as a surgeon or dentist.

And the last thing. It is necessary to remove from sight everything that reminds of the ex-husband and the departed happiness. Photo frames, joint cute purchases, postcards, little notes, discs with "your" music - all this is a place in the country, in a cardboard box or an old suitcase. Only throwing anything away under the influence of emotions is impossible. The time will come, the pain and resentment will go away, and the material memories hidden until the time will still come in handy.

What not to do to survive a divorce from your husband

You can't hide negative feelings from yourself. From others - as much as you like! Keeping a face and all that is great, but deep down, every abandoned woman experiences anger, despair, resentment. And he has every right to do so! Another thing is that you need to get rid of such negativity, otherwise you can get an answer in the form of total troubles and serious illnesses.

What else cannot be done to survive a divorce from your husband?

You can't dig yourself.“Why and how everything happened”, “what would have happened if I had acted differently then” - all these are empty reflections, extra rubbish in my head. What happened has already happened, and chewing this gum is pointless.

You can't lock yourself in four walls. You can grieve alone for a day or two, no more. Then you need to "go public", no matter how difficult it is.

We cannot deny ourselves weakness. Now everything is possible! Crying on the shoulder of a friend or plane-mate is wonderful and natural! Emotions need to be lived and spilled out. And who was next - "I'm not guilty."

You cannot completely immerse yourself in work, hoping to forget. Nothing will come of it, but you can become a neurotic in three seconds. Permanent fatigue not only does not paint a woman, it also shakes the already stressed nervous system. So at least - no overwork, as a maximum - rest in the company of your best friend or proud solitude. But you don't need to take your child with you. He will not let you relax, and this is exactly what is needed now.

You cannot blame yourself for everything. The most unproductive and fraught with lingering depression path that will not help you survive a divorce from your husband. Take it as an axiom: no one owes anything to anyone.

You cannot humbly listen to criticism from anyone. Parents, relatives, neighbors, girlfriends who allow themselves even a word about your guilt in the collapse of the marriage must be immediately put in place. Most often, criticism is expressed in two simple phrases "Children are left without a father" and "A husband will not leave a good wife." You need to react to such words with an icy expression on your face, emphasized by coldness and a direct verbal prohibition on discussing the topic of divorce.

You cannot involve yourself in the "continuation of the banquet." If someone begins to tell with pleasure how happy the ex-husband is in a new marriage, how good he looks, etc., the relationship with this person should be terminated immediately. This is a typical energy vampire that needs to be freed from.

Why you can't take revenge to survive a divorce from your husband

Thoughts of revenge can haunt after a divorce, but they should not be given free rein. Sometimes the pain is so strong that you want to inflict it on your once loved one. So that he, too, was in pain, so that he could feel everything that an abandoned woman feels.

Make his life hell? The methods for this are usually chosen unseemly. To dishonor in the eyes of acquaintances and friends, to tell about everything on the social network, to sink to gossip - all this, of course, can be done. The only question is how much it will help and how it will affect the reputation.

Saying nasty things about her ex-husband, the woman beats and humiliates herself at the same time. With delight savoring his shortcomings, mistakes, telling intimate details or disgusting about his current position, the ex-wife is more likely to cause pity and contempt for herself than take revenge and harm him.

Negative experiences, which, in fact, need to be driven away from oneself, backed up by concrete and very unseemly actions, will not allow one to free oneself from the past. The nightmare will continue, destroying the soul, increasing stress, preventing a new life from starting.

Let go and forgive Is the only way out. Only this will help to survive the divorce from her husband with the least loss.

How to survive a divorce from your husband if you have a common child

If the ex-husband left behind not only the silence of loneliness, but also the child, it will be easier and more difficult to cope with the situation. It's easier because caring for children will not allow you to freeze in complete inaction, disconnect from the world around you and lose touch with reality. It is more difficult, because you have to somehow explain everything to the baby. The problems of the adult world can hit him painfully.

How to survive a divorce from your husband if you have a child?

Do not lie in any way. A child, even a little one, should know the truth. A much healthier option for the child's psyche would be to tell in a language accessible to the baby why dad no longer lives with him. It is simply impossible to invent any stories. The truth will sooner or later be revealed, and this will further undermine the child's trust in the adult world.

It is strictly forbidden to keep silent about what happened, cut off children's questions, forbid the child to pronounce the father's name. Otherwise, a person will grow up with a gigantic sense of guilt and numerous complexes. The ideal option is if the parents explain the situation to the child together. It is absolutely necessary to do this for the sake of the child.

In no case should it be forbidden to communicate with your father. The baby should feel the love and care of both parents, then the fact of their separation will not cause much trouble to the psyche.

But you need to take care of your mental state during the meetings of the child with the father in advance. You need to give yourself a clear statement: this is not the ex-husband, but the baby's father. No hopes, unrealizable pictures of reunion and other romantic nonsense! If the couple is destined to get back together, it will be so. But blackmailing a man with his love for a child, trying to somehow influence the situation in your favor is not worth it.

Talking nasty things about a husband in the presence of a child is unacceptable. Trying to turn him against dad is disgusting and vile. The mental health of a toddler or adolescent, it does not matter, will be irreparably damaged. A child, no matter what happens between the parents, must be sure that he is loved and accepted by both - both the mother and the father.

Why you shouldn't start an affair right after divorcing your husband

The most common mistake after divorce is to get married suddenly. I especially want to do this if the husband left for a reason, but to another woman, and even married her. Such "revenge" will not lead to anything good. And you will ruin the life of another, innocent person, and you will not find happiness for yourself.

A common story: in order to survive a divorce from her husband, a woman finds a replacement for him. He does it urgently, thoughtlessly, often without any choice. A series of short-term romances begins, which do not help at all, bring only disappointment and a sense of guilt. Stress does not go away, but only intensifies.

The fact is that until the pain is gone, it makes no sense to hide it behind a new relationship. It will not help to forget what happened, but the feelings will initially be built on comparing the chosen one with the ex-husband. Of course, they will not be neither long-term nor happy. It takes time to recover, calm down, accept the loss. Acting in a state of nervous excitement, you can do a lot of nonsense, for which you will be ashamed later.

It will still be fine. Is the ex remarried or is he going to do it? Perfectly!

Tell yourself: better - find; worse - will find; but she will never find someone like me!

This is a secret mantra that will help release resentment and build self-esteem.

How to survive a divorce from your husband? Forgive and let go in peace. Negative emotions must be replaced with positive ones, and sources of new energy of joy must be found. And gradually the gray world around will acquire colors again, it will be possible to breathe easily and move forward - to happiness and new love.

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Any breakup is hard to deal with. Divorce is traumatic, whatever the cause, and some people get through this period relatively easily, although stress is still present. The other person falls into a deep depression that interferes with a full-fledged existence.

Why is it so difficult to survive a divorce from your loved one?

How to survive a divorce from your loved one

Whatever the relationship in the family, people get used to a partner. Months, years spent together, this is an established way of life, the usual rhythm of life and a loved one, whom you considered your support and support. Divorce is an extreme situation when it is impossible to exist next to each other, but nevertheless, a partner is still a part of life.

Parting with your spouse is also the need to take responsibility for your life. If earlier we hoped for the help of a partner, now it will not be there. We must remember that all experiences are temporary. The human psyche adapts to any situation, rebuilds.

Looking for how to survive a divorce and parting with a loved one, it is good to refer to the experience of others who have experienced similar situations. Ask friends and family how they dealt with stress during this period. Help from the outside is not only advice, but also moral support. In loneliness, keeping emotions and feelings inside oneself, it is more difficult to go through a difficult period in life. Conversely, people who continue to communicate with friends, are interested in work, it is easier to go through the period of separation from their spouse.

How a man can survive a divorce

The beloved woman decided to file for divorce. For a man, this is most likely a shock. He does not want to lose the one that provided life, endured his whims, supported him in difficult times. How can you survive a divorce from your beloved wife and not fall into deep depression?

An important question is: why did the woman decide to divorce? Parting doesn't just happen. Was there a betrayal, the man did not pay attention to his wife, he has an authoritarian character, or the love just passed.

The following will help you cope with your feelings:

1. Let go of the situation. Stop constantly thinking about it, blaming yourself and other people, wanting to return your spouse back. This will help survive a divorce from a loved one a person, even if he is very dear.

2. Forgive. Forgiveness makes things easier.

3. Understand that each person is free to choose. A woman, like a man, has the right to build life in accordance with her needs, ideals, desires.

4. Stop blaming anyone - yourself or your wife. Guilt leads to self-digging, obsession with the negative, but does not solve the problem in any way.

5. Try not to commit rash acts. The stress can be relieved by sports, work, socializing with friends, or a trip to another city.

6. There is no need to forcibly cultivate a good mood and show other people that everything is fine. Emotions should come out and not be driven in. However, you shouldn't dwell on the negative either. If negative emotions appear, they need to be moved to something useful, such as sports.

Divorce from a loved one

It is especially traumatic for a man when a woman initiates the gap. To survive a divorce from his wife, if you love, is not easy for a man, as well as for a woman. The stronger sex is used to managing his life and loved ones, but here they decided for him. In this case, it is necessary to recognize the other person's right to choice and freedom, no matter how difficult it may be.

Typical mistakes to avoid:

— Isolation from society.

— Inaction, lack of desire to work, take care of yourself, change.

— Provoking a conflict with an ex-wife. The only thing this will lead to is mutual humiliation, insults and a ban on seeing children.

— Starting a new relationship too quickly.

To understand how a man can survive a divorce from his beloved woman, you need to know what kind of relationship was in the marriage. It is likely that parting is the most successful way out. If it is difficult for people to continue living together, then it is better to go their own way, building new, happier relationships.

How to survive a divorce for a woman

It is usually difficult for a woman to survive a divorce if she loves her husband. A man is not just a part of the family, but its support. Often, the main income comes from the spouse, which means that after the breakup, the main burden of providing for the children falls on the woman.

It is emotionally difficult to part with the person you love. It is difficult to imagine that now he will live in another house, not come home in the evenings, not go to bed next to him. How to survive this without harm to the psyche and health?

1. Accept the situation. A woman must understand that her life is changing.

2. You are now independent. In divorce, you can also find positive moments: you yourself decide what to do, when to return home, what to cook. Nobody forces you to act according to the rules, now the woman herself sets the rules.

3. Take care of yourself. Divorce is not a reason to stop going to the salon, buy new clothes, or rest.

4. Change your image. Why not be different? Brighter, more interesting, unusual.

5. Stop harassing your husband, beg to come back, constantly follow his page on social networks. This only adds to the inner negativity and stress. This will not help to survive a divorce from your beloved husband, but will only bring disappointment, since the spouse is unlikely to return to the woman who is trying to limit his freedom.

Very often, a lady forbids her ex-husband to meet with children. This is a mistake, because the father must also participate in the upbringing. Conflicts should not be provoked either - they only increase the amount of negativity.

You will have to learn to keep your thoughts under control. Being in a state of divorce, a person continues to think about it, look for reasons, blame himself and others. Negative thoughts evoke negative emotions. A bad mood again triggers negative thoughts, and a vicious circle is created.

The best option is to rebuild, no matter how hard it is. Now you have a different life, new people, opportunities.

No matter how hard it is, you need to understand that many people have experienced a divorce from a loved one. Time erases memory, emotions subside, and every day life becomes easier.

Our expert - psychologist, personal growth coach Elena Shinkova.

When a family breaks up, it becomes a real grief for all its members, regardless of who was the initiator of the divorce. To get out of this difficult situation with the least loss, you need to understand what is happening to you.

Stage one. Mental anesthesia

Immediately after the divorce, a person experiences a real shock - it is difficult for him to realize what happened, so he continues to live as before. He fills life with familiar things, sometimes communicates with his ex-spouse, believing that everything is about to become the same again.

This reaction is a kind of fuse built into our psyche, which prevents grief from destroying it in an instant. At this stage, there is still no strength to think about a new, completely different future.

Stage two. Resentment and anger

They appear when a person finally understands what has happened. And then naturally there is aggression towards the spouse, and sometimes towards everyone around. Usually, it is at this stage that a violent showdown begins, an ugly division of property, manipulations associated with children.

All this is an important stage of experience. The fact is that any feelings that you have for your ex-husband, even if it is hatred or a desire for revenge, bind you together, so a high degree of clarification of the relationship indicates that you are still close and it is difficult for you to let go of each other. But you need to go through this stage so that later you will not be ashamed of your actions.

To do this, try to find a way out for aggression. Sport has a very good effect. Any exercises will do, as long as they cause fatigue, then there is simply not enough strength for negative emotions.

To throw out aggression, you can beat a punching bag or just beat a pillow, break a plate, shout. Only you need to do this alone, so as not to scare those around you, especially children.

You also need to realize that resentment is a childish reaction aimed at getting what you want, for example, returning your husband, that is, a kind of manipulation. Then it becomes clear that it is useless to be offended: in a divorce, the course is taken to part, and not to maintain the relationship.

Letters will help you get rid of grievances faster. Describe all your complaints about your ex, and then write the answer to yourself on his behalf. It is better to write a lot of such letters, but you don't need to show them to anyone. Better to just burn the paper covered with writing, imagining that all the bad turns to ash.

Another way to say goodbye to resentment is to turn on imagination. Imagine that your whole inner world is the ocean, and your senses are its inhabitants: dolphins, beautiful fish, corals. And a huge monster settled among them - resentment, anger and aggression. Now think about why this monster lives in the ocean. Maybe it protects its inhabitants? Or is it an orderly of the sea depths and without him the ocean will perish? Feel gratitude, compassion, and love for this monster. After all, this is your creation and an important part of your inner world. Try to imagine what makes him happy. Maybe he dives into the darkest abysses and knows what secrets they hide? Or maybe he occasionally goes out on land to breathe in the fresh wind and even fly up into the clouds?

As soon as a person begins to love his negative feelings, love for himself awakens in him, which is so necessary for any suffering being.

Stage three. Grief

At this stage, a strong experience of grief (tears, tantrums) alternates with a feeling of emptiness.

Some make the mistake of not allowing themselves to grieve. They try to skip this stage with the help of work, new love relationships, alcohol. However, all this only prolongs the experience. Sometimes it comes to the point that a person suppresses his emotions so much that they stay with him for years, turning into depression.

Stage four. Light sadness and building the future

This is the final stage of the experience, when you are almost ready to let go of your partner. At this time, it is useful to imagine that you are being tied up by invisible strings that you break one by one, allowing your loved one to move farther and farther away. It is important to break the threads right in the middle so that each spouse can take their soulmate with them. Wave your hand to his receding silhouette, smile goodbye, imagine that he smiles back at you.

When negative emotions have subsided, people often begin to miss their ex-spouses. In this case, it is important to understand what exactly you are missing. Perhaps you do not yearn for a person who has left, but for some pleasant things that are associated with him. For example, on joint trips, trips to cafes or just quiet family evenings. Think about how you can get it all on your own. This will help lay new tracks for your life. You can again imagine the receding silhouette of your ex-husband or wife and imagine that all the threads coming from you, which once led to your ex-spouse, have connected with your "improved" image - the way you imagine him in the future, confident, happy, peaceful ... By doing this, you kind of give yourself the support that you once received from your partner.

It's good if during this period you find the strength to forgive your ex-spouse and make some concessions to him. But not in order to return him, but to let him go in peace. This gives tremendous inner strength. When you do good deeds, you feel like a good person, and at the time of divorce, this is very important. After all, the one who was abandoned often begins to think that it happened because he is bad in something: ugly, quarrelsome or lazy.

Plus, nothing binds you more than unforgiven grudges. They interfere with the natural course of things: when the old dies and the new is born. Like inhaling and exhaling, forgive and release - exhale. And thus give yourself the opportunity to breathe new life, events, happiness.

Mistakes of former spouses

Involve the child in your relationship, telling that dad left him, or that mom does not regret him. It is important to convey to the baby that, despite the disagreements, both parents continue to love him.

Compare your life with that of your ex. Each person needs a certain time to go through all the stages of experiences. Your ex may have done it faster. Or maybe he just has not yet entered the stage of resentment or despair that you are in. Stop giving your attention to his life (this only takes away strength) and direct your energy to building your future destiny.

Flaunt your new relationship to make your ex-spouse jealous. It only prolongs the experience. Even if you are destined to be together again, you need to go through all the stages of separation, letting go of each other. Otherwise, lingering grievances will hold you back in the stage of perpetual divorce and interfere with the creation of new relationships.

Changes in life. How multifaceted is this concept. We take some with joy, some for granted. But there is a certain category of changes that we would like to avoid.

A divorce from a loved one or even a once loved one is a difficult stage in life, which is worth living through with minimal losses and getting out of it renewed, not broken, difficult and, it seems, sometimes impossible, but quite a real thing.

Let's talk about how to survive a divorce from your beloved husband without losing yourself, learn to rebuild life, restore peace of mind, again believe that life is beautiful, and you will be happy again.

The psychology of a marriage breakdown

It would seem that the March of Mendelssohn sounded yesterday, you, lovers, accepted congratulations and kissed to the incessant cries of "Bitter!" And now, after some time, you look back and do not understand how it happened that you became strangers to each other.

There are no common topics for conversation, joint family evenings are not encouraging, but burdensome, dissatisfaction with each other grows like a snowball, and the gap between you is increasing every day.

And as the classic noted: "every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." The reasons for divorce are so varied that it makes no sense to list them.

However, the most common are still:

• psychological incompatibility of spouses... In the wake of passion and emotions, we often draw for ourselves the image of an ideal partner and put this image on our future spouse like a kind of cloak, absolutely not thinking about whether it suits him? Is he comfortable in it? Doesn't this cloak hide the person himself? And having “painted” a beautiful picture for ourselves, we are surprised, after a year, or even five years later, we discover that the person with whom we live does not at all resemble the created and idealized image.

And here everything depends on the desire to see a person as he is, to accept him with all his shortcomings, quirks or peculiarities, to find compromises and be able to negotiate.

Appreciate each other and get to know again, and love this "old" new person for you. And believe me, every couple goes through this stage. And not for everyone it becomes fatal. This is the exception rather than the norm.

However, if the passion has passed, and deep love, tenderness, friendship, mutual respect did not come in its place, and only the question remained: “What am I actually doing next to this person,” such a couple will inevitably face a divorce.

• spouse addiction(alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling addiction, etc.). A very difficult situation. A divorce from an alcoholic, drug addict requires determination, wisdom and strength from a woman. Very often the spouses of dependent husbands are sick no less than half of them. And the name of their ailment is codependency. To cope with it alone is sometimes an impossible task.
• domestic violence... He beats, then he loves? A huge nonsense that women repeat, like a kind of mantra, trying to find an excuse. No. Not to the one who hits. To yourself. The one who endures and forgives. Crying, treating bruises, lying at work. And once again forgives. Once again. And more ... And finally he finds the strength to break the hardest chains and literally “break free”.
• treason... Pain, betrayal, collapse of faith in everything around ... And the understanding that you cannot forgive ... Or, even worse, they do not ask for forgiveness ... Perhaps the most difficult option. Heavy with its suddenness, deafening truth about yesterday still close and dear person ...
• inability to have children... Or the unwillingness of one of the partners to have a child. Quite a common reason for divorce. Outwardly prosperous families disintegrate.

The list, of course, is far from complete. Yes, we do not set ourselves the task of classifying and sorting out on the shelves ... What to do, how to help yourself? For you - the recommendations of a practicing psychologist.

Recovery stages

Everything has already happened. Yesterday you were preparing a family dinner, and today ...

Pain

Despair rolls over, mixed with terrible resentment, bitterness, acute self-pity. It seems that life is over, or, at least, has lost all meaning. The usual way of life is crumbling, roles, goals, tasks change. A huge burden of new responsibility appears, which only yesterday lay on his broad shoulders. And the tears have already dried up, and the soul is a bleeding wound.

Sound familiar? Believe me, most women who have gone through a breakup with a regular partner experience similar feelings. Some more, some less. Much depends on the reason for the divorce, and who became the initiator, but in any case, the first time after the divorce is the most difficult psychologically.

It is due to the fact that the usual way of life is crumbling, and in the event of parting with a beloved husband, a very difficult feeling of loss is imposed.

What to do if you love, but he is gone? There is probably no single piece of advice on how to get through this difficult part of your life easier. However, there are several practical tricks to help restore lost peace of mind.

Don't drive the pain deep. Don't play the role of the "iron lady". Or at least don't play it in front of yourself. Feel, pay out, throw out all the emotions.

Shout. Beat the dishes after all. Give yourself the opportunity to throw out everything that is raging in your soul.

But you don't have to go in a circle: I cried, I calmed down, I thought, I felt sorry for myself, I cried, I calmed down, and so on. One cycle is enough, but from the heart! Wash yourself with cold water. Put on sunglasses to hide your tear-stained eyes, a baseball cap and go outside.

You should definitely go for a walk. At a fast pace. Better, of course, in a forest belt, on the shore of a reservoir, in a park. But not everyone has such an opportunity. Walk - at least an hour or two. Walk until you are physically tired. In the meantime, take a look at the nearest stationery department. Buy whatman paper and paints. Any, but preferably - gouache.

When you come home, take a shower, preferably a contrast one. Standing under the streams of water, try to imagine how it washes away all pain and negativity from you, physically. Imagine it as a layer of dust, dirt, paint on your body. Visualize your pain. And look how it leaves with streams of water. You are clearing yourself. Coming out of the shower, take paints, whatman paper and try to convey in color what is in your soul.

You don't need to be able to draw. Do everything intuitively. You can use brushes or cotton pads or fingers. Anything that comes to your mind. And spill it all out on paper. Before the devastation.

And depending on what emotions your drawing evokes in you, either burn it (if there is pain, fear, resentment) or save it (if you were able to convey something light and positive - pacification, forgiveness, reviving harmony).

This is a simple exercise. But very effective. Sobbing for days, reveling in self-pity is a dead-end path. Find the strength in yourself. Help yourself. If it doesn't work, seek professional help.

The faster you go through this segment of the path, which, believe me, everyone who knows what divorce is, the better. For you, your children, loved ones, parents. The road will be mastered by the walking one.

This is where you build your new life. Take the first step, do not sit in the dust by the side of the road, reveling in self-pity.

Adaptation

Oh, but life, it turns out, is not over! This is the conclusion you will come to. Sooner or later, but you will come. And this very life dictates the daily rules. It is filled with the obligatory chores and responsibilities that no one else will fulfill except you. And you can do it quite well.

And one day, the second, a week, a month ... And you can already fully think about what happened and not suffocate from the pain. No, it still hurts, of course, but in an abstract way, and the further, the easier ... This is an adaptation to the new realities of life. You are on the right track! Keep it up!

Video: How to forget a loved one

Psychologist's advice

You are well done. True, well done! Look around you. The world hasn't changed, has it? Birds chirp in the same way, the sun rises, a little kitten plays with a bow. Children laugh, old people grumble, boss, what a boss. He hasn't changed either. Welcome to your new life! Learn to see the good, it is. And do not expect that tomorrow will come and everything will change. Change today.

Take a bright, colorful, beautiful notebook. Better new. The most beautiful you can find. It is a beautiful, positive, and not a business organizer.

And every day, write down 10 good things that happened to you today.

Believe me, when you start analyzing, you will see that there is a lot of good in life - even if it is really, really bad at heart, just allow yourself to notice the good around you! And don't neglect keeping a Diary of Good Things. Again, visualize your desires.

Create a dream collage. On a sheet of Whatman paper, stick clippings from magazines, pictures from the Internet, symbolizing your most cherished desires for you.

The ones you really want and expect to achieve. Let it be unrealizable in your opinion. Do not limit fate! Give her a chance to fulfill your wishes!

Cure

Next stage. Congratulations! You are at the home stretch. You fully understand that the best doctor is time. And life really is not over! And that it seemed to you that everything, further and there is no need to live? Well, really, stupidity was then blasted off. And they doubted that everything would go away, that this would go away too! In vain. You have to believe in yourself.

The only advice. Do not rush to the worst. Do not try to show your “ex” that everything is great with you: your career, and new shoes (or a car, who knows), and your friend is a hundred times better, and so on and so on. Do not. Let go. Live for yourself, your children.

Don't compete with anyone. Do not prove anything to anyone. You are still the best, worthy, beautiful, intelligent, etc. Do what you love, find a hobby, devote more time to your family. Live life to the fullest!

Normalization

Was there a boy? It's all over! New life, new relationship (or not, it doesn't matter). New experience, albeit difficult, but yours. You survived, you managed, you didn't break! You are admirable!

Psychologists advise not to plan a serious relationship before reaching this stage. This does not mean that new connections should be avoided. No. But it is not worth planning what your children will be called, the dog, and what to plant in the country in old age. Don't rush things!

Painless solutions

It is during this period that you can make balanced, sober decisions about your life, the future of yours and your children, and your relationship with the “former” for a long time. Wisdom, multiplied by past experience, will help you find a way out of any situation!

Stereotypes

Have you come across the fact that society has a negative attitude towards a woman after a divorce? And what caused this negative attitude in your soul? We are subject to the influence of stereotypes, sometimes we become simply slaves of someone else's judgment and opinion. “A child needs a father, albeit a bad one, but a dear one”, “He beats, it means he loves”, “Who needs me after a divorce with two children,” “The world belongs to men,” etc. etc. Sound familiar, right?

But before, as everyone knows, the woman kept the fire in the hearth, and the man went hunting. The world has changed. Take a look around! Drop these archaic judgments. Don't let other people's opinions rule you! You are a self-sufficient, confident, beautiful, successful woman!

Be proud of yourself and don't listen to the angry hiss behind you. As another well-known character - the charismatic and inimitable Rhett Butler in the novel "Gone with the Wind" said: "The dogs bark, and the caravan moves on!"

Emotional addiction

Yes, a fairly common problem. Its roots lie in uncertainty, inability to make decisions, a desire to shift responsibility onto the shoulders who are more adapted for this. There’s nothing to be done, we’ll have to fight this too.

Psychologist's advice

Here, perhaps, is the case when you cannot do without professional help. Group or individual therapy can help deal with the problem.

Change of life rhythm

There is nothing to be done, new life dictates new conditions. The rhythm of life is also changing. And you know, you must like the changes. There is more time for yourself, children, and your favorite activities. There is no need to report and make excuses.

Gatherings with girlfriends or shopping, a walk in the woods or doing what you love - everything that you didn’t have enough time for became available to you!

Enjoy and don't look for reasons to be sad! No one to cook dinner for? Very well! Fill your bathtub with hot water, light the candles, turn on the music and relax!

Material problems

Perhaps there will be such. It is not excluded. Surviving a marriage breakdown painlessly is great. And let this serve as an additional incentive for self-development, the search for new ways of earning money, mastering new specialties, and improving qualifications. And at first it is quite possible to find a small part-time job - on the Internet, master joint purchases, sit with a neighbor's child, bake to order, sew.

After 50

Surviving a divorce from your husband after 50 years is not an easy task. The children grew up, everyone has their own interests, and the husband decided that he was leaving "for a new, happy life." How to be? Get together and find the strength to let go. Find yourself an interesting job, seek support from children. Doing what you dreamed of all your life, and for which there was not enough time.

If there is a child

Don't be led by your emotions. Don't turn the child against the father. The kid (or teenager) should not choose whom to love - mom or dad. Let the father see the child. Be wise.

With an alcoholic husband

Do not carry the burden of responsibility for it. Understand that you are not responsible for him, but for the children, for yourself. If a person does not want to change, and in this case - to be treated, do not ruin your life

During pregnancy

Your main task at the moment is to bear and give birth to a healthy baby. everything else is secondary. Healthy egoism is essential in this situation. If it's really hard - seek help from a professional. And remember that all your experiences are reflected in the baby to one degree or another.

If he left for another

Let go. Do not compare and do not look for flaws in yourself. Just take it for granted that this is not your person. Yours is ahead. And keeping it forcibly, appealing to a sense of duty, the years lived together, to the paternal instinct is useless. You will destroy yourself, and you can be happy. Not with him, with another. But happy. Give yourself a chance! Let go.

With a tyrant

Only an emotionally flawed person will humiliate and torture his wife. Domestic violence is a scourge not only for the spouse, but also for the children. Appreciate yourself. Run without looking back. Don't take the victim path.

If there are small children

A husband, albeit a former one, is obliged to participate in the maintenance of not only the children, but also the disabled wife. If you have children, go to court with a statement of claim for the recovery of alimony for the maintenance of children and you until the children reach the age of three.

After 20 years of marriage

But life does not end. And you will still be happy. Necessarily. And if a person is not worthy of you, could not appreciate all those years lived together, and left, despite the many things that bind you, - rebuild life. And let it be brighter, more interesting, warmer, softer than the previous one. You are still young, beautiful, full of strength. Do not despair.

After 30 years of marriage

Very often, having married at an early age, devoting her whole life to the interests of her family, husband, children, having lived in marriage for a greater segment of her life, a woman who is going through a separation from her husband after 30 years of marriage is completely disoriented. The way of life, habits, lifestyle - absolutely everything changes at one moment.

The main task of a woman in such a situation is to realize that that stage of life is over. A new, rich and interesting begins. Children are adults, she is wise and still interesting, but she already knows how to understand people, she can not only be happy, but also realize herself in those areas that were previously inaccessible to her.

The main thing is not to give yourself a minute of free time. Work, hobbies, meeting friends, creativity, outdoor activities in the company of children or old, trusted friends - fill your life.

Do not under any circumstances take the position of the victim. It is not given to us to predict what the coming day is preparing for us! And it is possible that parting with your husband will allow you to open up in a new way, find harmony, love, care in other, completely new relationships!

After the betrayal

If there is no opportunity and internal reserves for forgiveness, leave. But don't program yourself to fail further. Believe me, not all men are the same. And once having gone through betrayal, you will be happy with the man who will appreciate you.

We hope that these tips will help you withstand a difficult situation, find the strength to look at life from a different angle, emerge victorious and build a new, happy life. Do not get embittered, stay gentle, feminine, open. Be happy!

Hello dear readers! You are now going through one of the most terrifying experiences in your life - divorce. In terms of damage to the psyche, this incident is in the first place on the list. It hurts you, it's hard. You trusted him with your life, he swore his love to the grave, and now what? Most likely you are still hoping that everything will change. He will return. Perhaps it is so, but you need to save yourself now. It's time to dry your tears.

In an article on how to survive a divorce from your husband, the advice of a psychologist may not please everyone. Nevertheless, read it to the end, maybe you will accept at least some of them and it is they who will help you cope with this difficult period.

Give it time

It doesn't matter if you lived for 27 years, 10 or 15, maybe only a year, parting is always difficult. Traditions, habits associated with a person have accumulated, and now he is not. Whether you know the reason or are you just guessing, it doesn't matter anymore. The situation has happened and you will be in pain for a while.

Give him your last grief. There were joyful and sad moments. I want to remember, think about it, cry - it's all natural. Do this. Don't limit yourself. If you have a child, surrender yourself to sadness at night. Suffer more than ever. Don't resist.

Give this activity as much time as you see fit, but set yourself a box. Let it be a week, a month. No matter how much you decide, it will be right. Want to ? Please. Speak, swear, explain yours.

The allotted amount of time you can do whatever you want. He hurt you and must understand this, listen and suffer with you. If the resentment is so strong that you do not want to see anyone, but simply dream of lying under the blanket for a day, no one will restrict you in this desire.

Give him the last time. Any parting takes place according to the scheme: Event (fact) - Sadness - New life. As much as we want it to be different, we are not able to change anything. This is the course of life. But promise to start a new life as soon as the allotted period ends.

Communicate

Perhaps in some period, while the allotted time has not yet ended, you will get tired of just thinking. Be sure to meet with friends, old acquaintances, a psychologist. Don't be afraid to share.

Telling someone about your trouble is giving away some of it. They say that if you tell the same story 10 times, you stop feeling emotions. Everything has already been told, discussed, there is nothing more to add to this story.

Even if you still love, then gradually you begin to get used to the fact that nothing can be changed. You will begin to calm down slowly. It doesn't matter if you are at home or out in public. Paint or run yourself. This is still your time for grief. Use it as you see fit.

Some psychologists advise you to hang a photograph of your ex-husband on the refrigerator or in another room where you are not always. I agree with this recommendation. Even if you have lived 11 years of a happy life, now you hate him. He is evil. He did something very bad.

At first, photography will make you cry, a wave of negativity, and then you will get used to it. He will cease to be Lucifer, become an ordinary person with his own. Your grief will diminish and over time you will begin to forgive him.

Now this may seem silly to you. I want to hate, send rays of hatred towards him. Understand that by doing this you only harm yourself. Your anger stays with you. He does not care. This he can harm your psyche, cause mistrust in men. Over and over again cause a wave of negativity.

Will he feel some kind of discomfort from this? Not at all. You must forgive him for your own sake. It will be so easier for you to build your further destiny. He's just a person who once did something wrong, but in a human way.

This is most relevant if you have. God forbid you start blaming them for parting or showing your displeasure with their father. You are a strong woman, you are beyond that.

By the way, affirmations are also a good option for raising morale. Find a phrase that will help you cope with the situation and repeat it often.

When I came to my aunt as a teenager, who broke up with her husband, with whom I had lived for more than five years, she often said: "Self-esteem rises and I don't care." Afternoon, morning, evening. I think she said it every time the thought of him popped into her head. She constantly said this, and I saw that over time it became easier for her.

Read

But this is the best advice that can only be given to any woman after 25 or before 20 does not matter. Read books. Sure, it would be a great idea to go to Bali, but let's get closer to reality. The most ideal way to distract yourself from your problems is to get carried away by other people's adventures.

You will begin to slowly crawl out of the sink, without leaving the boundaries of a comfortable sofa. In addition, by reading, you take on the character traits of another person - a stronger, more successful one. In this case, this is the main character of the book. What exactly to read?

To begin with, I would advise Larissa Renard “ Elixir of love". I will not hide it, it was not written at the highest level. The author often confuses the name of the heroines, calling the main character Larisa. A literary-savvy critic is unlikely to like the decoration. But for women who have recently survived a divorce, there is no better book to find. This is a collection of techniques that help a woman to cope with.

The main character was abandoned by her husband and she, in the company of her friends, goes on a trip. There they reflect on, talk about, and understand what you need from life and from a man in general. The techniques are a kind of mixture of yoga, hypnosis and oriental practices. Honestly, in terms of content, I really liked the book, but you quickly forget about the language itself.

If you are more interested in fiction, this is also a good choice. The only question is, what exactly do you want? Some of my friends, for example, wanted something pink and romantic. Like, it didn't work out in my life, so at least I read about others. Jokingly, I advised them “ dust»Stephenie Meyer. The funny thing is that the option was accepted and appreciated with a bang.

I really hope that these 4 rules will help those over 30 and under. I am sure you are a very strong woman and will be able to survive this difficult period. Subscribe to our newsletter and get more helpful recommendations and learn about the best books that make us better. Until next time.