14.06.2019

How a woman ceases to be a woman. A woman should feel like the only one

Man's expressions of love that make a woman feel loved

Consider the three main manifestations of love that help a woman to feel that calmness, which is the criterion for being loved. For a man, the main source of inspiration in life is trust, acceptance and gratitude (see). Inspiration is the most central, most important sign of being loved. Therefore, now you will no longer fall into the trap when they will ask you: are you loved or not, and they will ask for proof.

What makes a woman beloved and calm? Three expressions of a man's love that are an extended version of full attention on a woman. Because the three aspects that a man needs to feel loved are an extended version of being well disposed towards him. Therefore, a woman should build her whole life so that trust, acceptance and gratitude to a man for what he does would be her free choice and not strongly depend on the behavior of a man.

A marriage is only stable when each party is independent of the other.

When people are in the mode of natural giving, and not depending on how much they receive, that is, unnatural receiving. But they do not receive, of course, because everyone gives. A woman gives her love to a man in the form of trust, acceptance and gratitude. And these three manifestations have a completely mystical quality - they automatically cause a person to desire to give what you need.

It often happens that a woman who herself needs manifestations of love begins, instead of these three, necessary for a man, to give what she needs. And then she wonders why she doesn't get what she wants. “It's so simple! I showed him by example what I need to give ”. Do you feel what the mistake is here?

I’ll give you one practical tip: how to become the perfect man. Generally women give it, I just suggest how they tell you.

Whatever women give you, just copy and do for them.

If a woman wants to be hugged and stroked by a man, what does she do? Asks: "Hug me, please"? No, she starts hugging him and stroking him. She sits down, takes him by the handle and starts ironing, because she thinks that the guests are taking too much attention on themselves. What does a man understand from this? "Well, that's enough!" No, you just need to take and take out your hand and start stroking it. Very simple.

If a woman comes home and starts doing a lot around the house. Guess what she's trying to make you understand? "Lie on the couch, I'll do everything myself"? This is how a man understands, but a woman hopes that by such a feat, through military labor, she will show how to run with a mop and the “older comrades” will understand. But she remains disappointed.

"Don't fix it until it breaks" - the principle of a man. If everything works, why put in more effort? The man does not understand what to do. If she does something, then he understands that she just wants to do it. If she wants to do this, then my main goal is to fulfill the wishes of the woman. After all, it is my nature to fulfill the wishes of a woman. I see that she wants to serve me, this is her desire, which means that I must fulfill it - to give her the opportunity to serve more and longer. Therefore, "The Fox and the Crane".

When we want to give to another, for some reason we give him in complete misunderstanding of the biblical thesis "Love your neighbor as yourself." We think, to love our neighbor as ourselves, this means to give a damn about the tastes and interests of our neighbor and to start giving the neighbor what is best for me. But to love your neighbor as yourself means to understand his desires as well as you understand yours. HIS desires, not YOURS to impose on him. Not projecting yourself onto him, but treating him as carefully studying his desires as you study yours, and giving him what he wants.

In the Soviet linguistic press there was such a joke about gifts: “In fact, the most sincere gift is to give what is most dear to you. If the book "Small Land" is dear to you, give it as a present. If you knit, present knitting needles. If you practice judo - present tatami ”… And so on. An absurd list. This is what we do. We give what is dear to us. We offer the ministry we need. Therefore, a man easily reacts to such behavior. He says: a good scheme, you just give a person what he doesn't need for a hundred years, but what is considered valuable for you.

And begins to give love in the form:
- acceptance of a woman for who she is, which women all over the world perceive simply as a disregard for her... "Don't you want me to get better?" - “Why is it better? Fine. So good". In principle, this is true. But a woman needs to see that this is growing, that she was accepted as perfect as she was met, and more and more perfections are being discovered in her.

- trust .
"Marin, do you remember where you changed your winter tires last fall?" - "Yes I remember". - “Come on, I trust you, go there quickly. I'm busy right now ... "or" Marinka, you are a big girl, an adult, you can handle it. I know. Come on. You have the address. You are my chief accountant, give me the addresses. Do it, I trust. " And he thinks: "How cool I love a woman." In fact, he gives her what he himself would like to receive. When a woman is bad, a man trusts - she will cope on her own, we must leave her alone to think. I trust her. Fine. An adult woman, sane, in control of herself. She doesn't need support. Support only humiliates ... a real man.

- thanks ... We say "thank you" left and right, then we look: the woman is unhappy all the time, and we even stop saying "thank you". Instead of understanding, verbal gratitude is not what a woman needs. She needs respect for her nature.

So, the manifestations of a man's love that make a woman feel loved.

CARE

A woman feels loved when she feels cared for. Not trust, but care. “What cares? I trust her. I don’t know about strangers, so I bring my coat. And about mine, I know for sure - I am not sick with cerebral palsy, she is able to wear a coat, she copes normally herself. She has the muscle strength to open the front door because she has never had rickets. Why should I open to her? I trust! I love my wife, and I'm just being polite with the others. But I trust my wife, she can do it all herself. " This is the first blow when a woman feels unloved - lack of care, which has been replaced by trust. A man begins to give what he himself would like to receive. And a woman who wants to be cared for opens the door for a man, straightens his tie, wipes his face with a napkin when he eats. The man at this time feels that she does not trust him at all, she keeps him for an imbecile.

A man invites a woman on a date, arrives in his car. Wanting to be a gentleman, he opens the door for her and puts her in the right seat, runs back and, approaching his door, sees the woman leaning over the gearbox and opening the door for him. Women do it, can you imagine? “Otherwise, how can I be grateful? Action ". Not! Your smile is enough.

So, caring is the first manifestation of love. This is one-third of love, and some women, having received care, simply already "Vanya, I am yours forever", believe that there is nothing to count on complete love. Agree to little, or even this will not be given.

A woman, seeing that a man cares, sometimes even accepting only a third of love, completely devotes herself to a man.

Ultimately, she feels that this is not enough for her. And she can no longer part with the man, because she is tied, but she cannot stay together, because she is on a "starvation diet." One third of love is nice, but it is not love. If a person is given water every day, but many times less than his norm, then in the end he will completely render his intestines inactive. A serious imbalance will begin in the body. Many have been drinking this way since childhood. Many people drink so as not to go to the toilet in order to look decent. A little in the morning, a little in the afternoon, a little in the evening. And your metabolic system will very quickly send you greetings and gynecology too, because when toxins are not flushed out of the body and the intestines do not work regularly, they infiltrate from the intestines through the membrane - the thin septum between the intestines and gynecology - into the gynecological sphere, becoming food for various neoplasms: fibroids, myomas, cysts. For one reason only - the idiotic habit of looking better than you really are, that someone will think badly of me: “Wow! Goes to the toilet !!! " This scare from school, but it takes root for life.

Likewise, women are afraid to ask for care, or if they receive care, then it seems to them that everything is the perfection of their life. "I just can't take it anymore, how good it is!"
- Has anyone treated me so well?
- It's not a fact that he is the best who can treat you like that. Or generally be nice.

Feeling exclusive

Caring is when a man does things that a woman could do herself, but he does for one reason: in order to preserve the most important component of love - a feeling of exclusivity. Without this quality, love has no strength and is difficult to maintain.

A sense of exclusivity - I don't treat any woman like that, on whom I completely focused my attention. I don't open doors for everyone. If decency requires it, I open it, but most often and most of all and with the greatest feeling, plainly and with the greatest disposition, I do it for my beloved woman. I sometimes give my coats to women, but I never try not to miss this moment, even if we are at home and only together, and not only at the Mariinsky Theater after the performance. I always do this by reminding her that she is exceptional. It is the way I feel that I make her exceptional. Not that I found an exceptional woman. Not.

The man himself creates this status for the woman and from this he receives more of her love.

When a man shows more concern for a woman, a mystical, alchemical reaction occurs - a woman gives him more and more confidence. These two qualities are related. The more a woman trusts, the sooner she will receive a man's care.

For example, women who are unmarried, single, start dating, trusting the men they like to try to behave. Not just that she becomes obliged to a man and so on, but her trust in men generally grows. Why? Because that trust is based on the most important aspect of self-belief - I am worthy. The more a woman is cared for, the more she considers herself worthy of care, and the more she trusts men because she knows that they want to take care of her. Even if they don't succeed now, they really want to and will do it at the first opportunity.

Why do women need so much more support and encouragement in their personal relationships than men?

Why are women always trying to make plans for the future with their partner?

Why do women constantly want to know how their partner is feeling and thinking?

Why are women so worried and anxious when a man does not share with them what worries and worries him?

The answer to all these questions is very simple. Because one of the basic needs of every woman is to feel safe. ... I'm not talking about physical safety, for us it is much more important emotional safety. We want to be sure of the strength of our relationship, of the seriousness of our partner's intentions. We want to trust our own love, and then we can open up to give and receive love.

Emotional security is the key to any woman's heart. When we feel safe, we are willing to take risks. When we feel safe, we can relax. When we feel safe, we begin to glow with happiness.

Why is the need for safety so important for women? It seems to me that this is due to the fact that, deep down, every woman does not feel confident. Perhaps my words will seem incorrect to you, and nevertheless it is so. No matter how independent, confident, self-sufficient and free we may consider ourselves, deep down we remain exactly the same as our great-grandmothers. We struggle with this side of our nature, we try to suppress it, we are ashamed of it, we criticize ourselves for this weakness, but we cannot completely get rid of it.

Where does this feeling of inner insecurity come from? Firstly, this is the result of the fact that we live in a male world. Our society only a few decades ago began to value and respect women and offer us what men have received since the beginning of time. Even today, in many parts of our planet, the life of a man is valued much higher than the life of a woman. Girls are killed so that they do not become a burden to the family, which needs sons and heirs. We hear about it and say: "Well, this is happening in undeveloped countries!" And yet, even in the most highly developed countries, such as the United States, women earn less for the same job than men. Of course, things do not reach such extremes as killing girls, but the meaning of what is happening is exactly the same - the life and work of a man is valued much higher than the work and life of a woman.

We learn this lesson from the moment we are born. Even now, in most families, children receive the surname of the father, not the mother. Most of us never think about the significance of this event in our lives, but even this shows a disregard for a woman. And when we feel that we are not appreciated, we unconsciously begin to feel insecure.

Even at the physical level, a woman constantly feels vulnerable and unprotected. Hence the subconscious desire for security. A man can penetrate our body. We can be raped and enter us against our will. Most women are physically unable to resist men. Even if we don't think about it, the realities of our world constantly affect our psyche. Women unconsciously feel their physical and mental vulnerability in the modern world.

But in order to truly understand why women do not feel safe, we must go back to the days of the dawn of civilization and pay a visit to our ancestors. These women were completely dependent on men. The men were hunters, they provided food for the tribe. They were warriors with the skills to withstand enemies and predators. Only men could protect children from death. And the woman had only one goal: she needed to find a man who could take care of her and the children who would be born as soon as she became capable of childbearing.

Naturally, in such an environment, a woman could not survive without a man. Imagine that a man dissatisfied with a woman could throw her and her children out of a cave or house, and then they would freeze from the cold or be torn to pieces by wild animals. Could a woman feel safe even for a minute?

And although humanity has undergone significant changes over several thousand years, women have remained physically, financially and socially dependent on men. We couldn't feed ourselves. We did not have the opportunities that free men had. Our inner strength was limited. Remember, it was only in the last century that women got the opportunity to work, and therefore, if they wanted, they were able to gain at least some kind of independence from men. And with the invention of contraceptives, they were able to make their own decisions to have or not have children.

And this historical legacy has an impact on all women. It doesn't matter if you are eighteen or eighty years old, whether you consider yourself independent or obey a man, all women have the same heritage. I believe that we all have a genetic memory of a harsh past. An inner voice whispers to us barely audibly: “You can't live without a man,” “You will die if he leaves”, “You cannot achieve this or that - all this is only for men”, “Look for someone who would take care of you, because you yourself will never do it. " And behind all these "good" advice is only one thing: "A woman never feels safe."

If you are a man, do not think that I am complaining or swearing by men. I just wanted to explain why women never feel safe and need your support and encouragement. Most men do not perceive women from this point of view, because they have a completely different past behind them and they live in a completely different way in this world. You might be thinking: “But I'm not an outrageous sexist who just got off a tree! I absolutely do not need my future wife to bear my last name. I love her and do not want to limit her freedom. " To this I can only say one thing: your future wife is lucky! But in order to finally understand her, you must know her psychology, rooted in the deep past, inherited from many generations of women who were less fortunate than her.

Why do women need men's approval so badly? Why don't we feel safe not getting it?

Have you ever wondered why you are so desperate to get the approval of a man, and sometimes from a man whom you do not respect at all? The answer is very simple. Historically, women have learned that they depend entirely on men for their survival. Therefore, our "job" is to attract a man and keep his interest so as not to lose him. How we look, how good we are in bed, how we express ourselves, how we maintain order in the house, how we monitor the manifestation of our own feelings so that he does not feel uncomfortable - all these habits, decisions and behaviors are based on the same thought: "Is he happy with us?" Our subconscious tells us that if a man is happy, he will stay with us, and if he stays, we will be safe.

This is why women often look at men, seeking their approval of their actions and feelings. “Is it good for him to be with me? We ask ourselves. - Didn't I wear him out with my emotions? " And when we feel that we are doing everything right, we breathe a sigh of relief, allow ourselves to relax and finally feel safe. But when we receive signals that a man is unhappy with us, our sense of security is reduced to a critical level.

I know from myself and from the experience of thousands of women who have turned to me for help, that seeking a man's approval is an unconscious process. This is a primal reaction that occurs at the very beginning of personal relationships. And this reaction by its intensity sometimes surprises us ourselves. “Why is it so important to me what he thinks? We ask ourselves. - Why don't I feel safe when we fight? "The answer is very simple. Male approval or disapproval triggers an innate survival instinct in the female subconscious, causing a sense of danger and insecurity.

Let's take a look at a typical scenario that will illustrate my words. Katie and Juan have been living together for two years. They recently decided to get married. One Sunday morning, Katie felt that Juan was angry with her, but when she asked him what was the matter, he just brushed it off, saying that everything was fine. Katie tried several times to talk to Juan about his concerns, saying that his behavior made her very upset. Juan kept silent and grew more and more gloomy. In the end, Katie burst into tears and asked Juan if he had changed his mind about marrying her. Juan lost his temper and stated:

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I have nothing to do with your problems.

And he went into another room to watch TV.

How did Katie feel? She worried, worried, felt out of place. "Something is wrong!" Shouted her instincts. Juan's displeasure set in motion a survival mechanism. She sensed something was wrong, and an alarming inscription flashed in her mind: DANGER! DANGER! " All this happens absolutely automatically, she is not even aware of her own actions.

How did Juan feel in the same situation? He was anxious, irritated and angry. He could not understand why Katie was so alarmed today, why she was dramatizing the situation. In his opinion, nothing happened, he just had a headache and he wanted to watch TV alone.

Who is responsible for the tense situation? Both. Katie needed to have better control over her survival instinct, which had come into play because she no longer felt safe. She needs to learn to cope with her reactions. And Juan needs to learn to understand what his actions and behavior are causing Cathy anxiety. In this case, he did not tell her what was happening to him, as a result of which she drew the wrong conclusions. By learning to better understand a woman's need to feel safe, Juan will immediately feel that his personal life has become calmer and happier.

I remember the first time I gave a lecture on this topic to a mixed audience of both men and women. The women nodded in agreement, many had tears in their eyes. They finally realized what was hurting so badly inside them and what they could not comprehend. And what about men? They listened to me with respect, trying to understand, their brows furrowed, their eyes narrowed. It was not easy for them to accept a completely alien point of view.

After the seminar, a man approached me holding his wife's hand. His words absolutely accurately reflected the feelings of all the men present at the lecture. He said: “I have never seen women that way. Your words are quite reasonable, but it turns out that there is an invisible edge in the woman I love, which I did not even know about. I have always considered myself a sensitive person, but I did not even suspect ... "

Indeed, this man was a sensitive person. But even the most sensitive man in the world will not be able to understand the craving for security that lives in every woman. They haven't been programmed to do this for millennia! The man didn't finish. His wife hugged him and kissed him on both cheeks. Her kiss told him everything. For the first time, her husband realized that she had an invisible edge, an invisible part of her nature, which even she herself could not explain to him. And what was the result? The realization that he was ready to understand her created in this woman the feeling of security that we just talked about.

A woman needs to feel safe in order to relax and become more confident in personal relationships.

It's very simple, but very fair. When women feel safe, they are at their peak. ... When we are safe, we relax, tension eases, we gain self-confidence, become more independent and less demanding - in other words, we become the way men love us, and what they don't like disappears without a trace. And besides, it's important to remember one more thing. Women instinctively know that when they are safe, they become who they want to be and what men want them to be. And so, consciously or unconsciously, we try to get a man to do so that we can feel safe.

What women want men to understand

Much of what women ask men for, or secretly want them to do, are in fact a hidden form of asking for protection.

Men, why do you think we want you to tell us that you love us, talk about your feelings, talk about how you value us, spend time with us? It is NOT because we want to control you or bend you to our will. This is because we feel that this is the only way we will be safe. And when we feel protected, we become better partners for you and happier women.

How insecure women behave and what men can do in this situation

If women who feel safe become ideal partners, empathetic and affectionate, then those of us who do not feel safe become their complete opposite. The feeling of danger and uncertainty instills fear in us, and when we are afraid, we begin to do things that we do not like either ourselves or the men dear to us.

What women want men to understand

Many of the things women do that you don't like are simply due to the fact that women don't feel safe.

We can become more demanding, obsessive, and jealous.

The more insecure a woman feels, the more often she demonstrates something that gives her a sense of security. She wants more love, more attention, more approval. The man begins to believe that his partner has suddenly become obsessive, weak and demanding. But such behavior herself does not bring anything good to her, but only increases her self-doubt.

What actions of men are completely useless?

As a rule, men react negatively to such behavior of women. Although it is at this moment that a woman most needs the approval and support of her partner, a man at such a moment weakens his attention to her even more, which only aggravates the situation.

This creates a vicious circle familiar to a large number of married couples. The woman feels insecure and begins to demand attention; the ex man reacts negatively to this and pushes her away; the more he pushes her away, the more insecure she becomes and the more her exactingness increases; the man gets annoyed and pushes her away even more rudely. The situation is developing in a spiral and becoming more and more confusing.

Each woman can tell a dozen such stories from her own life. Men always say or do something that heightens a woman's sense of insecurity. As a result, she becomes more demanding, even intrusive, which further enhances the negative attitude of the man. I remember one incident from my own life that happened several years ago. He perfectly illustrates what I want to tell you. At that time I was dating a man whom I loved very much. One day he told me that his ex-girlfriend was coming to town and he was going to meet her at a restaurant. Naturally, I tensed and worried. I felt uneasy, my heart was beating faster, thoughts flashed in my brain, one more terrible than the other. This reaction did not arise out of nowhere: my friend often told me that he felt that his ex-girlfriend still had tender feelings for him. Therefore, when I learned that they should meet, I naturally felt insecure.

- Does Cindy know about us? I asked rather tensely.

“I'm sure so,” he replied, taking a defensive stance. “My friends should have told her.

- So, when she called, you didn't tell her anything? - I continued, getting more and more excited.

“We only talked for a few minutes,” he snapped. - Do you want me to have time to tell her everything?

- Why not? I know Cindy wants you to come back, and I don’t like you going to a restaurant with her, as if you’re free and interested in her.

- Don't talk nonsense, Barbara! - my friend got angry. “I can’t believe you’re saying that.” Stop acting like my mother. Don't dictate to me what I should do. I can go to a restaurant with anyone.

If at the beginning of our conversation I felt a little insecure, now the feeling of security has evaporated, as if it never existed. Instead of realizing that his behavior only intensifies my negative reaction, my friend only noticed that I was turning into an obsessive, insecure, paranoid woman before his eyes, repulsive and annoying him.

How could we have prevented this development of events? He could refuse to meet with his ex-girlfriend, but this is the subject of a different conversation. More importantly, if he had read this chapter before our conversation, he would have realized that because of his action I felt a threat to my own safety, and then he could have done something that would calm me down. For example, if he hugged me and said, “Darling, don't worry. I love only you. I will definitely tell her how happy we are together! " - I would not stop worrying, but the feeling of security would not leave me.

Men read these words and think: "It can't be that easy!" But I dare to assure them that this is the true truth. Dispelling women's insecurities is easy. You yourself will be amazed at how quickly our anxiety disappears, if you just give us a little encouragement and support.

What women want men to understand

Most women recover very quickly from feelings of insecurity; men should only show love, care and support. Men need to make a little effort on themselves, and thus they will save themselves and their beloved woman from a lot of troubles.

Guys, I can't help but draw your attention to one more point. If you do something that makes the woman you love feel safe, she will instantly stop being intrusive, demanding, and insecure. I know you don't like feeling obligated to do this, and not otherwise, because a woman wants it. But I assure you, by doing so you will save yourself from serious trouble, save your own time and energy. Try to follow my advice and you won't regret it!

What women want men to do

If you feel that we have become a little intrusive and for some unknown reason, with our whole appearance, we demonstrate self-doubt:

– Do not criticize us for being intrusive, as this only increases our insecurity and deprives us of the last remnants of a sense of security.

– Don't push us away or avoid us, as this increases our insecurities.

We would like that, feeling that we are losing a sense of security, even if it seems to you senseless and unreasonable, you support us, show your love, attention and tenderness.

2. We can become irritable, cold, and sexually indifferent.

Some women show a loss of their sense of security not through vulnerability, but rather by becoming less vulnerable. If a woman loses a sense of emotional security, she can drive her feelings to the back of her mind, barricade the doors to her heart in the hope of protecting herself from new pain. Such women suddenly become cold with a partner, irritable and angry, and sometimes reject him and sexually.

This reaction is explained by the fact that men do not understand at all what hurts and scares us the most. We seem to them to be eccentric hysterics. It is very difficult for them to think: “It looks like my beloved has lost her sense of security. I have to support her. " Instead, they only exacerbate the situation, seeking to protect themselves from our anger and indifference.

What Women Should Know

If you're in the habit of warding off emotional walls every time you feel insecure, remember that your partner probably just doesn't understand what's going on with you. Naturally, he cannot give you the love and support you need.

If we want a man to understand our needs, we should not force him to conduct an entire investigation. Don't play games. Do not assume that he has to understand all your hints. Don't get cold to punish him. He just won't understand you. Be honest and try to explain your feelings. And then you can find common ground. Hopefully he is empathetic enough to give you the support and encouragement you need. Of course, this advice applies to men, but we will talk about this a little later.

What Men Should Know

If your friend suddenly becomes cold or irritable, do not assume that this is how she treats you.

Remember:maybe she is not angry at all, but afraid. Ask yourself if you did something that made her feel unsafe and offer her your support and encouragement. Better yet, ask her to talk about her feelings and listen carefully.

I do not believe that women who have lost their sense of security can be emotionally withdrawn. But if you are a man and feel that this is exactly what happened to your woman, you can help her get rid of the bad habit. Just remember all the things we just talked about and treat her with love, even if it seems to you that she rejects your love.

I recently gave this advice to a friend of mine, and he was amazed at how fair my words turned out to be. His girlfriend emotionally shut down as soon as it seemed to her that something was threatening their relationship. However, she never told him about her feelings, so it seemed to him that she doubted him. He had told me earlier that this woman suffered severe emotional trauma. I felt that she needed his support and love, that she did not repulse him at all, but, on the contrary, wanted to be with him.

- How should I behave when she withdraws into herself? Andrew asked me.

- Do not act as she asks you, but quite the opposite - hug her, kiss her, tell her that you are sorry that in the past she had to endure such pain that you will never hurt her, that you love her and will always love ...

“You’re probably kidding,” Andrew said skeptically. - If I do, she will definitely push me away.

“Try it,” I shrugged. - What are you missing? You don't like her behavior.

A few days later, Andrew called me, ecstatic.

“You won’t believe what happened! He exclaimed. “Patty and I were together last night. The conversation turned to business trips, which I have to travel for work. I felt that she was withdrawing into herself, and then I thought: "Well, again!" But then I remembered your advice, moved closer to her, took her palms in mine and said that I did not like leaving her, but she had nothing to worry about - I value our relationship and remain faithful to her because I love her. To my surprise, Patty burst into tears and clung to me like a little girl. All her coldness disappeared somewhere, and love returned. She told me that her old friend always cheated on her on business trips. She didn't want to lose me. You were absolutely right: she was losing her sense of security, but she didn't know how to tell me about it. It's good that I was able to get through to her.

Guys, I don't promise all women will act like Patty, but I know for sure that very often there is real fear behind the mask of coldness and indifference. And then a little love and support from your side will help the insecure woman again turn into your devoted friend, with whom you will be warm and pleasant.

How to restore a woman's sense of security

Probably now the man reading these lines thinks: “Okay, I'm ready. I want my partner to feel safe. But how can I achieve this? "

What makes a woman feel safe? Here are some of the most general tips to help you create a sense of confidence and security in your partner.

1. Women feel safe when they spend more time with their partners

The presence of a beloved and loving man causes a primitive sense of security in a woman. The absence of it creates a completely opposite feeling - insecurity. Of course, I don’t mean to say that if a man is at work all day, his wife loses her sense of security, and being in physical proximity, a woman always feels emotionally safe. But in general, closeness and communication with a beloved man gives a woman a sense of confidence. At the most primal level, her brain receives a signal that she is not alone, that she is being cared for. Think back to Chapter 3 and how women value time. You will find that spending time with the man she loves is the best way for a woman to feel safe.

Here are some comments from the women who participated in my research.

"I feel more confident when he wants to spend his free time with me, because I know where he is and that he wants to be with me."

“When my friend is ready to make time for me in his schedule, I feel that he does not want to lose me, that he values \u200b\u200bour relationship, that I am very important to him.”

“The great thing that my husband does is that he often tells me that he misses me and that he wants to spend more time with me. It doesn't matter that his other actions upset me. One has only to show him that he wants to be with me, and I just melt. "

Every woman has an internal barometer that determines how much time she needs to spend with her beloved man so as not to lose feelings of emotional security. But one thing is invariable: the time spent with the beloved man is the most important thing in a relationship for a woman. If this time is not enough, the woman's level of feeling of safety drops dramatically.

2. Women feel safe when men allow them to invade their inner world

The most difficult thing for men is to open their inner world and let a woman into it. Men have been trained since the beginning of time to hide their emotions. Showing emotions is a sign of weakness and is dangerous. Instinctively, a man does not allow others to penetrate into his inner world. The strangeness of the situation lies in the fact that only penetration into the inner world of a loved one allows a woman to fully feel herself safe, feel loved and needed. She needs a man to open up to her and let her into his world.

I know guys this is much easier said than done, and we'll talk more about it later. For now, just remember that if you really want the woman you love to feel safe with you, open up to her. This is what the women who took part in my research told me.

“If I'm already vulnerable and open, then I need him to be open and vulnerable too. Otherwise, I feel that I give him all of myself, and he does not want to lift a finger. "

“Nothing allows me to feel more close to my husband than the moments when he tells me what worries him, shares his plans or fears. I understand how hard it is for him, but the fact that he makes an effort on himself proves to me that he really loves me and trusts me, that I am his best friend. "

“I will almost certainly feel insecure if my partner allows me to talk about myself and how I feel, but not share his own. I will feel like I’m naked and parading myself in front of a fully clothed man who thinks so little of me that he is unable to confide in me. ”

How can a man let a woman into his inner world?

Talk to her about what is happening to you, about the events in your life.

Tell her about your decisions, consult with her.

Tell her about your needs.

Talk to her about your difficulties.

Ask her for advice or opinion.

3. Women feel safe when a man shows them his love

Recently, a friend told me about our mutual acquaintances who just got divorced. Both spouses were already over fifty. A friend said, “I feel so sorry for Gwen. Tom will probably find a girlfriend, but Gwen will be much harder. Men after fifty still look quite tolerable. " Hearing this remark, I understood why women do not feel emotionally safe in the world we live in. Men understand that at any age they will find an accessible woman. And women know it too. No matter how well we treat ourselves, we always live with a feeling of inner insecurity that men can never understand. This insecurity stems from the understanding that any woman is very easy to leave and replace.

Our insecurity is rooted in antiquity, when a man was necessary for a woman in order to survive. Today, thousands of years later, women are still aware of this need and are very sensitive to what may threaten the existence of a close relationship with a man. Therefore, I believe that women need much stronger emotional support from men than men can imagine.

What women want men to understand

Demonstrate your love and affection to the woman. This is the most effective way to make her feel safe.

Here are some ways a man can show his love to a woman:

Express your love and affection in words.

Tell her that you need her and explain why.

Don't hide your physical attraction, not only before sex, but also at other times.

When she lets you know that she's not sure about the strength of your relationship, tell her what she needs to hear to stop worrying - not once, but several times.

Contact her often so that she feels like you are thinking of her (see Chapter 3).

Every woman has her own list of things that can give her a sense of security and confidence. This is just a brief summary of what the women who participated in the research I conducted prior to writing this book told me.

Throughout the book, we will return to this topic more than once, and I will teach you how to use this knowledge in personal relationships.

If you are women, I suggest that you take the time to make your own list of what makes you feel less confident and what makes you feel safe. If you can, show your list to your partner. Men, if the woman you love wants to show you a list like this, please consider it carefully. The woman gives you! The key to her heart.

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Secrets Every Man Should Know About Women De Angelis Barbara

Chapter 4 Women Want to Feel Safe

Why do women need so much more support and encouragement in their personal relationships than men?

Why are women always trying to make plans for the future with their partner?

Why do women constantly want to know how their partner is feeling and thinking?

Why are women so worried and anxious when a man does not share with them what worries and worries him?

The answer to all these questions is very simple. Because one of the basic needs of every woman is to feel safe.... I'm not talking about physical safety, for us it is much more important emotional safety.We want to be sure of the strength of our relationship, of the seriousness of our partner's intentions. We want to trust our own love, and then we can open up to give and receive love.

Emotional security is the key to any woman's heart. When we feel safe, we are willing to take risks. When we feel safe, we can relax. When we feel safe, we begin to glow with happiness.

Why is the need for safety so important for women? It seems to me that this is due to the fact that, deep down, every woman does not feel confident.Perhaps my words will seem incorrect to you, and nevertheless it is so. No matter how independent, confident, self-sufficient and free we may think we are, at heart we remain exactly the same as our great-grandmothers. We struggle with this side of our nature, we try to suppress it, we are ashamed of it, we criticize ourselves for this weakness, but we cannot completely get rid of it.

And this historical legacy has an impact on all women. It doesn't matter if you are eighteen or eighty years old, whether you consider yourself independent or obey a man, all women have the same heritage. I believe that we all have a genetic memory of a harsh past. An inner voice whispers to us barely audibly: “You can't live without a man,” “You will die if he leaves”, “You cannot achieve this or that - all this is only for men”, “Look for someone who would take care of you, because you yourself will never do it. "And behind all these "good" advice is only one thing: "A woman never feels safe."

If you are a man, do not think that I am complaining or swearing by men. I just wanted to explain why women never feel safe and need your support and encouragement. Most men do not perceive women from this point of view, because they have a completely different past behind them and they live in a completely different way in this world. You might be thinking: “But I'm not an outrageous sexist who just got off a tree! I absolutely do not need my future wife to bear my last name. I love her and do not want to limit her freedom. "To this I can only say one thing: your future wife is lucky! But in order to finally understand her, you must know her psychology, rooted in the deep past, inherited from many generations of women who were less fortunate than her.

Why do women need men's approval so badly? Why don't we feel safe not getting it?

Have you ever wondered why you are so desperate to get the approval of a man, and sometimes from a man whom you do not respect at all? The answer is very simple. Historically, women have learned that they depend entirely on men for their survival. Therefore, our "job" is to attract a man and keep his interest so as not to lose him. How we look, how good we are in bed, how we express ourselves, how we maintain order in the house, how we monitor the manifestation of our own feelings so that he does not feel uncomfortable - all these habits, decisions and behaviors are based on the same thought: "Is he happy with us?"Our subconscious mind tells us that if a man is happy, he will stay with us, and if he stays, we will be safe.

This is why women often look at men, seeking their approval of their actions and feelings. “Is it good for him to be with me? We ask ourselves. - Didn't I wear him out with my emotions? "And when we feel that we are doing everything right, we breathe a sigh of relief, allow ourselves to relax and finally feel safe. But when we receive signals that a man is unhappy with us, our sense of security is reduced to a critical level.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I have nothing to do with your problems.

And he went into another room to watch TV.

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And fill with the energy of sensuality and pleasure. This will help simple rules that every woman must follow.

The first rule of a woman is to live high

The main female purpose is to enjoy the very process of life. Finding something beautiful and wonderful in every day. Dance, laugh heartily, purr your favorite songs under your breath, change outfits and admire your reflection in the mirror. Everything that a woman does, she should enjoy. Otherwise, it will turn out crooked, askew, tasteless and without a soul. Whether it's cooking, cross-stitching, or housework, everything should be a joy.

Experiencing the energy of pleasure should be as natural for a woman as breathing. The basis of a happy and harmonious life is getting high from even the smallest daily chores. You should drink aromatic tea for pleasure. Enjoy biting your favorite candy or savoring strawberry ice cream with cream. Every woman has her own favorite desserts, which can bring a few minutes of gastronomic pleasure.

It is also useful to pamper yourself with spa treatments, massage, shopping, walks in the fresh air and other amenities. Photo: Depositphotos

The third rule of a woman is to be on top

A woman doesn't always have to be at heel height to feel attractive and sexy. Although heels are an important element of femininity. Being at your best means maintaining self-esteem, knowing your own worth. Do not trade, do not lower your bar if someone cannot reach it. You need to be able to choose the best of the possible, maintain self-respect and be aware of your value.

Keeping a brand is what matters. Be above difficulties, problems, gossip, failures. Be taller than people who intrigue and condemn behind their backs.
Photo: Depositphotos

The third rule of a woman is not to sweat over trifles.

Do not accept anything other than money into your account. Maintain inner balance. Maintain a course for happiness and tranquility. In life, sometimes there is a lot of fuss, unnecessary worries, meaningless experiences. There are inadequate people, unpleasant meetings, petty quarrels and other troubles. You need to have the wisdom to get rid of all the fuss, from everything that is still impossible to fix.

The only salvation from these troubles is to change your attitude towards them. A woman must learn to be internally independent from all the vanity of life. Why worry about the fact that you still can't change? Nothing will change from experiences. Positive changes will occur only with a calm attitude towards everything that happens.

You need to think less and feel more. And these feelings should be bright, pleasant and joyful.
Photo: Depositphotos

The fourth rule of a woman is to always love!

The main food for a woman's soul is love. It nourishes, energizes, transforms. Love makes life more beautiful, inspires, gives strength to new achievements. Moreover, love does not have to be limited to any one man. Love for life, for people, for all living things - that's what really fills a woman.

Hence it follows ...

Rule number five - be happy even when alone.

Photo: Depositphotos

If there is no beloved man nearby at a given period of life, this is not a reason for blues and worries. self-sufficient and happy even alone with herself. She loves and accepts herself, enjoys her company and does not betray her principles.

If there is no worthy man nearby, then it is better to be alone, not to waste, not be content with little. A woman should also enjoy communicating with a man. A man is not the goal of all life, a woman's ability to be happy and enjoy every day does not depend on him.

When a woman learns to be happy without a man and not depend on him, then someone will appear who will complement her. The same holistic and harmonious person. Not the one who destroys, tries to manipulate or shows weakness.

In a relationship with a man, there should be sincerity and reciprocity. Pretense and lack of love is destruction and unhappiness for both.

These five rules for women can still be supplemented and continued for a long time. But by observing at least what is listed, you can already find happiness. It's time to let in spring and renewal, be filled with solar warmth and light. And it is important to remember that there should always be spring in a woman's soul, despite the weather outside the window!

Found a wonderful blog by Raisa Gorbunova. All the materials are wonderful, and there are many thoughts that are in tune with mine. With the permission of the author, I will periodically add her articles to our Kaleidoscope. For the impatient, a link to her blog is below the article. A very positive author!

Today, let's talk about how to feel beautiful. This article is not about beauty techniques, not about cosmetics (although this is also mentioned), but about how female can get positive emotions that are necessary in order to feel unusually happy.

There are so few days in a year when femalecan feel really happy. Men rarely arrange holidays for their loved ones, make surprises or give really nice compliments. Most often, women can feel themselves in the center of male attention on March 8, on other holidays they have to spend time preparing festive dishes and creating a cozy atmosphere. Don't you think this is unfair? After all, you so want to receive warmth, affection and attention every day, and to feel irresistible all the time. And if men are not ready to provide women with such an opportunity, are not able to make them happy every minute, then everything must be taken into their own hands. Women, let's feel wonderful!

If you are tired of the constant hustle and bustle, worries, intrigues and envy at work then it's time to relax and cheer yourself up, to feel like a real woman who looks down on all everyday problems and troubles. Let's get started?

The first thing you must do if you want to feel beautiful is go to the mirror. You can admire your reflection for hours, or you can look with displeasure at all the shortcomings of your body. We will do otherwise. Take off all clothing except underwear. Go to the mirror. Take a close look at yourself. Don't like your overhanging sides? Pet them and notice that with the barrels your figure looks much more feminine.

Are you unhappy with your nose? Take a closer look, because he is your distinguishing feature, your peculiarity, the most interesting nose that could be imagined. Do not skimp on compliments, your body needs them so much, he just needs to know that you love him.

The next step is relaxation. Female should know, in order to be happy and feel great, you just need to relax completely. The best way to relax is a hot bath and aromatherapy. Go to your nearest pharmacy and buy a couple of bottles of essential oils: tangerine, cinnamon and mint. Add a few drops from each bottle to the bath. Light candles or take an interesting magazine with you. Try to completely get rid of all the problems while lying in the bathroom, enjoy your free minutes, shrouded in pleasant aromas, dream. You can leave the bath after 20 minutes.

To calm down completely, drink tea after a bath. Let it be a green tonic tea with fruity notes or whatever you like very much. For tea, be sure to allow yourself to eat a couple of spoons of honey and a handful of dried fruits. Such goodies will help you cheer up and cheer you up.

Do you want to be irresistible? Then be sure to take 15 minutes to your skin. Rub your body with a special cream or balm, massage your face and neck gently, and then apply a moisturizer or nourishing cream. Take your time, the main rule of today is that you do everything only for yourself, slowly and with pleasure. If you want to feel beautiful, then nothing should bother you.

Remember the last time you felt irresistible, try to reproduce everything in your memory and feel all the positive emotions. But you shouldn't live only on memories, create new pleasant impressions. In the wake of pleasant memories, get together for a walk or a meeting with friends. Take your camera with you to capture all the most pleasant moments of the meeting.

If you have no one to invite with you for a walk, then do not be discouraged. Today is your day, which means that it is dedicated only to you, remember you - female, Put on all your favorite clothes, take your camera and go take pictures of the first snow, little birds, animals. Feel like a paparazzi who needs to catch a positive emotion. Naturally, after the walk, select the most successful photographs and print them. They will remind you of the day that you dedicated to yourself and your inner world, when you felt truly beautiful.

In the evening, before going to bed, be sure to look at yourself and say how fascinated you are with yourself, smile at your reflection, wish yourself sweet dreams. Before going to bed, dream about what you would like from your life and everything will surely come true, because tomorrow, having filled to the brim with new strength and positiveness, you will begin to fulfill your ideas and become one step closer to your dream.

To be beautiful does not mean to be the ideal of beauty. And is it easy for ideals to live? To be beautiful means to love yourself, to feel harmony between the inner world and the outer shell, to be able to tune your mood in the right way, to receive positive emotions, and to keep wonderful memories.

You female- love yourself, you are beautiful!

Raisa Gorbunova

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How a woman ceases to be a woman. A woman should feel like the only one

The first rule of a woman is to live high

The third rule of a woman is to be on top

The third rule of a woman is not to sweat over trifles.

The fourth rule of a woman is to always love!

Rule number five - be happy even when alone.

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