How to live with your husband if there is no mutual understanding? Mutual understanding in the family. How to maintain peace of mind and mutual understanding in the family Relationships are crumbling no mutual understanding

"He doesn't understand me!" - every married woman said this phrase at least once in her life. What is it: simple words spoken on emotions, or Then how to live with your husband if there is no mutual understanding? Or maybe it's not a particular man, but everyone? Perhaps, at the genetic level, they are not able to understand women and satisfy all their desires and needs? All this will be discussed in this article.

Short-term happiness from marriage

In the first days and weeks, as well as at the beginning of acquaintance and the birth of love, it seems that happiness has finally come. The newlyweds are in a great mood, they see it as light, cloudless and endlessly joyful. But it ends very soon, and it is replaced by gray everyday life, everyday troubles, as well as one of the most common reasons for a quarrel: the problem of mutual understanding. The better a man and a woman get to know each other in marriage, the weaker they become, because their dreams have come true, turning into real life, which means that sex has moved from violent passion into the category of everyday marital duties.

Marriage kills romance

Over time, the husband and wife stop treating each other as reverently and tenderly as before the wedding. Weasel, flirting disappears, compliments are said less and less, they are replaced by criticism and mutual claims. Egoism wakes up in each of the spouses, I want the partner to indulge and please in everything. Such desires give rise to omissions, resentments, disappointment.

If you want to maintain mutual understanding in the family as long as possible, then you need to cherish love, try to bring at least a drop of romance into everyday life: a small surprise, flowers for no reason, walks in the park, a kiss at a meeting and goodbye. Moreover, he should not be friendly, on the cheek, but real, passionate. Such, as if you are not married, as when you first met and had not yet had time to get enough of each other. Love will keep the marriage alive as long as greedy, long kisses take place.

No understanding with my husband

Maintaining a marriage and building family comfort is difficult, but doable if both spouses take on it. Most often it happens that the wife beats against the closed door, trying for the good of her husband, and in return does not receive any gratitude. Men in marriage turn on a consumer attitude towards a woman who must cook, wash, clean, give birth to children, take care of them herself, not interfere with watching TV, while still working, looking good, but not spending money on cosmetics and beauty salons ... The spouse is sure that he does not owe anything and is quite capable of making his wife happy simply by his presence, at best, also by the salary brought. Tired of such a situation, periodically asking herself the question of how to live with her husband, if there is no mutual understanding, the woman does not find the right answer and decides to divorce. But is marriage doomed? After all, until recently, you lived with dreams of this person, looked forward to meeting you, solemnly swore in the registry office of eternal love and care in grief and joy.

Psychologists suggest using some recommendations, thanks to which mutual understanding and trust can return.

Happy spouses - myth or reality?

As you know, any fairy tale can be brought to life. So, a happy married life is quite real. Such a couple will always have the time and desire for unpretentious signs of attention, thanks to which you can feel warmth, attention and love. After all, it's not at all difficult to warn in advance that you are late from work, set aside a couple of minutes in the afternoon, call and find out how you are doing. Having met in the kitchen in the evening, a loving husband and wife will certainly ask how everyone's day went. These little things allow you to feel what they think of you, worry that you are an important part of your partner's life.

If there is no happiness

How to live with your husband if there is no mutual understanding in the family even after following all the above tips? With a 90% probability, we can say that this article will be read by women, which means that only they will follow the recommendations. But you cannot achieve a positive result if both spouses are not working to maintain the relationship. Usually men do not think about such subtle matters as harmony and mutual understanding; it is more important for them to be well fed and watch TV. Such a marriage will last only as long as a woman's patience is enough.

Accept or disagree?

Opinion imposed by society influences a tired wife to make the right decision. Almost every advice says that a woman should be near her husband, endure and come to terms with her difficult lot. Many ladies believe that all men are bad, but living alone is even worse and therefore turn a blind eye to drunkenness, laziness, and treason. All this results in scandals, tantrums, hundreds and thousands of dead nerve cells. If there are children in the family, then they are unwitting witnesses to such dramas. Girls, seeing an unhappy mother, begin from a young age to hate their father, and then men. Children are building in their heads the wrong model of relations between a man and a woman, because of which it will be difficult for them in the future to build their own cell of society. Therefore, sometimes to the question of how to live with your husband, if there is no mutual understanding, there is only one correct answer: no way!

Freedom or loneliness?

He is not alone who has a small copy of it. Do not forget that a family is, first of all, blood ties, which means that after parting with your husband, you have not lost your family if you have a child. If you have not found common goals and interests with your spouse that could seal the marriage, you always have a chance to build a harmonious relationship with your child. And if your baby is a boy, then you must certainly try to educate him so that your future daughter-in-law would say "thank you" to you.

Few people have strong bonds with those they love. But if there is no mutual understanding in the relationship, what to do in this case? How to find the path leading to the rallying of the two? Is it possible to turn misunderstanding into pleasing communication? I will try to answer all these questions in this article. And it was written thanks to the appeal of one of the readers of this site. Read her post to understand what the young woman's problem is:

Hello! I've been living with a guy for a year now. But he had to fly away for a year, to the other side of the planet! Because of this, mutual understanding has disappeared in our relationship. We quarrel a lot because I want him to be interested in me and my life? I am very, but he, on the contrary, is calm! He does not want to compromise his principles, but I am very offended! He doesn’t compliment me and I don’t feel needed by him! What to do? What should I do right? We are already tired together, but no one wants to give in! Help me please!

It is not entirely clear from the letter what the author wants from this relationship, and what advice the young woman would like to read. As I understand it, the girl is simply burdened and therefore she looks for the reasons for her internal imbalance in the outside world, believing that she is annoyed by the inattention of her partner. Is this really so, only she can understand. And I will tell in this publication how you can establish mutual understanding in her relationship with a guy.

Why is there a lack of understanding?

People, moving through life, change a lot. The reasons for the change in their worldview, characters, behavior, and other things, can be very different. For instance:
1. If we rely on the knowledge of Eastern astrology, then we can conclude that a person finds himself every five to ten years in a different energy period, due to which his behavior, state of health and everyday events change.
2. Some people find themselves in situations that become real shocks for them. Because of this, survivors of severe stress become more indifferent, rude and cruel, which negates mutual understanding in relationships with others.

3. According to the non-traditional science of feng shui, out of all eight directions of light, only four are favorable to a specific type of people. If a person has moved in his unfavorable direction, then she will be sick and experience troubles. When someone moves in the negative compass direction of their partner, they usually lose interest in the latter.
4. As a rule, a man and a woman find complete mutual understanding in their relationship only at the very beginning, while they are still in love with each other. At this time, the chemistry of the body and emotions overshadow their consciousness and therefore they do not see the shortcomings of those for whom they have feelings. But it is worth evaporating in love and the perception of a partner immediately changes. As a result, the two stop understanding each other.

5. Those lucky ones who were able to live next to their only partner for many years usually get tired of the monotony and therefore cease to show interest in the one to whom they once whispered words of love. Therefore, they do not even make efforts to establish mutual understanding in relationships that are not interesting to them.
6. In every second family, as a rule, there is a head person. Not only children obey him, but also a spouse. It is difficult to remake a domineering personality and it is impossible to force, to behave differently - to give in at least sometimes, so as not to destroy ties with loved ones. The more the head of the family puts pressure on others, the more tense the relationship becomes, causing misunderstanding and even alienation.

How to achieve mutual understanding in young people's relationships?

A guy and a girl, meeting, usually experience mutual attraction, but as soon as the feeling of novelty leaves, the partners grow cold towards each other. As soon as this happens, mutual understanding disappears. One does not want to give in to the other, believing that this act means to follow the lead. In the case of the girl who wrote the letter published in the second paragraph of this article, the guy's tiredness from the claims of his partner is clearly visible. This is due to the difference in temperament. If a man is calm, then he expects the same behavior from his woman. When she constantly demands something, he will look for another life in which he does not have negative moments.

What advice could you give to a girl who is worried about her partner's inattention? First of all, she should try to change her behavior. Openness is a very good trait. Personalities for partners are like an open book. But how will someone who "read" their content deal with them? The best thing is to be at least a little mysterious and full of pleasant surprises. For example, instead of trying to find mutual understanding through frank conversations and showdowns, you should do something that arouses increased interest in your partner. In a relationship between a man and a woman, it is important to maintain a romantic attitude. And sadly, but girls have to do it.

A young woman who asked for advice should understand that the more often she will demand from her partner to participate in her life and compliments about her appearance, the worse he will treat her and, most likely, will cut off the connection with her. This often happens in relationships between young and inexperienced partners. Therefore, a girl needs to start surprising her man. If she is talking to him on Skype and he can see her, then it is worth putting on a new makeup before the conversation. A different appearance of a partner will greatly surprise the young man and will certainly arouse his interest. So, imperceptibly, mutual understanding will also improve, because the guy will overwhelm the girl with compliments.

If a young woman calls back with her boyfriend, then she should be told, for example, that she is currently busy with something and ask him to call back later. This event will be the first point of the next conversation. After all, the guy will want to know what she was doing. In such clever ways, a young woman will be able to achieve compliments and make a man show interest in her life. In addition to the listed ways that help arouse the guy's interest and thereby establish mutual understanding, there are others. For example, you can wear unusual clothes and very beautiful underwear. You should start visiting places of rest that were not attracted before. The guy will be interested in why his girlfriend began to change, and what she was doing on the next weekend. Therefore, he himself will take the initiative in the conversation.

How to find mutual understanding in a long-term relationship?

According to statistics, about sixty percent of couples out of a hundred break up after several years of marriage. These men and women once thought they loved each other, but then the feeling went away and they became uninteresting to each other. The moment when this is just beginning to manifest itself, many simply do not notice. This is because people are busy with survival. They have no time to sort out relationships with partners, there is no time to establish mutual understanding. They need to think about how to make money to pay bills, provide for their families and buy new toys for their children. Family people completely forget romance and they are no longer subject to the feeling of falling in love. Most often, they feel either affection or tolerance for each other. And that is another unreliable feeling that does not contribute to the stabilization of relations.

To establish rapport and communication, which has become a burden for two, it is necessary to bring a little novelty to the relationship. This is done simply, all in the same ways that were described in the previous paragraph. If a woman begins to change her hair color, put on beautiful underwear, work on her figure, apply evening make-up, then the man wakes up feelings that once forced him to seek out a young girl who later became his wife. Every woman should understand that a representative of the stronger sex is romantic only at the moment when he is trying to achieve a woman he likes. Later, only the fair sex brings romance to the relationship. If she is lazy to do this or expects unusual actions and eternal love from a man, then the negative in the relationship will only accumulate.

How to reach mutual understanding in a relationship if one of the partners is a tyrant?

In the case when a man or a woman turns out to be a domineering nature, then over the years, mutual understanding comes to naught. A partner who has to crawl forever is once tired of this state of affairs and he either begins to rebel against the tyrant, or leads a double life, or simply breaks the bond that has hated him. Whether he is doing the right thing in doing so depends on what happened in each case. After all, there are situations when the tyrant strongly suppresses all the people of the family and therefore the latter have to endure and wait for the moment when they can get rid of addiction and become free beings who independently decide how to live and act.

If the head of the family, who is used to ruling, is capable of frank conversations, then it is worth talking to him about the painful one and try to convey to him the essence of the problem that has arisen. You need to tell him about the feelings that arise in you when he acts contrary to your desires, goals and aspirations, or forces you to take steps that contradict your beliefs. If such conversations do not lead to anything, then you need to act differently. How exactly, you will understand when you read a short story about my distant relative - a former tyrant in his family. At first, this man only indicated to his household what they had to do and how to live, thereby completely breaking mutual understanding in the relationship. And then he began to show violence.

He beat his wife, sons and even his mother. Cheated on his wife and behaved defiantly towards relatives. All this went on for many years, until finally his wife got tired of his attacks and aggression. Then she found herself a man and went to live with him. The abandoned tyrant was not taken aback and got himself a new woman, continuing to behave as before. After a couple of years, his sons grew up and began to rebel against him. Ultimately, one of them left his father and stopped communicating with him. A year later, the second son kicked his dad out of the house. The aged man was wealthy, and therefore did not worry much about this. He tried to establish rapport in a short-lived relationship with his former passion, but this did not work out. Apparently, then he began to change.

After about a year of such a life, in which each family member lived his own mind, the tyrant broke down. After all, he stayed this time in an environment where no one was going to endure his aggression and do what he demanded. His behavior changed a lot, he began to respect his wife, sons and mother. Not once did any of them get hit when the family got back together. Therefore, if your partner is an aggressive person who consistently destroys mutual understanding in your relationship, then you should leave him for a while so that he is outside of his zone of influence. When he feels his uselessness and worthlessness, he will begin to treat you in a completely different way.

What to do if there is no mutual understanding in the relationship due to the fact that the head of the family is very domineering?

There is a type of men and women who are not tyrants, but they are quite bossy. They implicitly violate mutual understanding between family members, forcing the latter to do everything to make the head of the family happy. In relations with such people, it is not possible to find a compromise, except to lie and create the illusion that everything is going according to the plan invented by the main person in the family. This is exactly what the spouses and children of powerful people do. Read in one of the articles on this site a letter telling about how to get the opportunity to go your own way in life.

What to do with people who crave power and seek to suppress loved ones? It should be explained to such people that they should not take care of everyone forever. Everyone in the family can go their own way through life without a parent or spouse interfering in their plans. If the conversations do not lead to anything, then you need to actually show the caring person that you are doing well with everything, without her intervention. Usually, the realization by a powerful person that life goes on as usual and without his participation leads to changes in his behavior. He begins to look at everything from a different angle. Because of which, mutual understanding is being established in the shaken relations between spouses, as well as between parents and children.

Harmonious relationships and mutual understanding thanks to feng shui

Unconventional science can quickly fix various problems. If a period of cooling and misunderstanding has come in a relationship, then you should make sure that the energies help partners find a path to their old feelings. Beneficial energy flows contribute to the emergence of romance and feelings of happiness. To improve communication with your partner is necessary. And then determine your direction of "harmony in marriage." If you sleep in this side of the world with your head or, while communicating with your partner, look at him in this compass direction, then the relationship, as if by magic, becomes much better.

What to do, there is a lack of understanding in the relationship and nothing helps to improve it?

In this case, you need to come to grips with yourself and your inner world. Try to grasp a simple thought - at the moment you are living with specific people, in certain conditions and are trying to establish rapport with your partner only because your style of behavior and your perception of reality are as they are and what they have always been. You are used to behaving in a certain way, reacting to people and their actions according to the same scheme, so you are now trying to understand difficult relationships. That is, your thinking and actions have led you to what you are experiencing at the moment. Only by changing your inner component and changing your habits will you get out of the difficulties that worry you.

It is very difficult to predict what the consequences of working on yourself will be. After all, a partner who does not pay attention to you, hits you or imposes his will on you is attracted to you because you have done wrong things in the past. Once upon a time, you did not need mutual understanding in a then new relationship. You made all the small mistakes of a loved one. You did not notice his inattention, which turned into indifference, you were excited by his aggression, which became tyranny, you liked his independence, which grew into imperiousness. If you stop, even in your thoughts, admitting your partner's usual patterns of behavior, it may happen that he suddenly changes or simply disappears from your life. The former is, of course, the best option, but not always the likely one.

You need to change yourself by programming your subconscious. Access to it is possible at the moment of strong relaxation and transition from wakefulness to sleep. In darkness and silence, you need to think about what you would like from life. If you change the behavior of your real partner, then you need to pretend that he is behaving the way you want. For example, a girl whose letter is published in this article wants her boyfriend to pay attention to her and tell her a lot of compliments. To achieve what she wants, she needs to come up with situations in which her boyfriend does what she expects every time before going to bed. After two weeks of daily activities, the man's behavior should change, and at the same time, mutual understanding should be established. In general, it is difficult to predict whether it will be possible to achieve the desired result in a relationship by working with your subconscious. After all, the result of working on oneself may be something that the girl did not expect, but admitted - meeting a new man.

We live, obeying the rapid rhythm of a modern metropolis, in a state of constant tension, almost at the limit of our mental and physical strength.

Practically, in a monotonous rhythm: work - home - work. At work - some problems, in the family or in relationships with a loved one - others.

How to break this vicious circle, get off this endless carousel of monotony? How to find time for yourself, your health, physical and emotional, time to live and enjoy this life? How to regain peace of mind? How to maintain good relationships in the family, how to learn to understand your children, and those closest to you.

Everything depends on you. In order to achieve peace of mind, you need to learn to live in harmony with yourself and the world around you. The truth is simple, but difficult to realize.

But sometimes it's enough to ask yourself: where, in fact, am I in such a hurry and rush through life? Not noticing the golden autumn, snowy winter, intoxicating spring and summer with its sultry colors, interesting travels and unusual acquaintances with people and new places on our beautiful planet?

Why is for some people a life full of impressions, emotions, events - the norm, and I live among the same scenery, in one, unchanging rhythm, in disagreement with myself?

Decide if this goal, towards which you are striving so uncontrollably, is worth the effort that you put into achieving it? What will change if you reach your goal a little later? But you will begin to live, not rush through life.

Of course, we do not live in isolation in this world: society, work collective, close friends and girlfriends, family, parents. But you can agree with your closest people that you need at least half an hour of personal time after a busy day at work. After all, we also live in a state of unconscious emotional discomfort, when our personal psychological space is constantly violated.

At work, it is impossible to distance yourself from colleagues and bosses, but you can restore this energy protective shell during the time when you are at home. During these half an hour - an hour, you will have the opportunity to deal with the restoration of not only your mental balance and nervous system, but also your appearance: face and body. And then give the opportunity to rest tired legs, back and eyes. Just 15 - 20 minutes, which you allow yourself to lie down after a bath or shower, will restore your strength and they will be enough to do all the household chores that you have planned for the evening.

If you do not pay attention to yourself every day and live in a state of constant stress, this will inevitably negatively affect not only your health, well-being and the state of the nervous system, but also your appearance. And when the reflection in the mirror is not happy, there is no need to talk about complete emotional balance.

Why is your peace of mind disturbed?

Remember when you were completely relaxed and happy? When was it, with what, with what events, or with whom, with what people, was it connected? Ask yourself why is this all in the past? What has changed, what else can be restored and returned?

What annoys you now? Relationship with your husband, with your beloved man? Relationships with family members or problems with work colleagues? An uninteresting job where you spend 7 - 8, and sometimes more, hours a day? Financial difficulties or are you dissatisfied with your well-being, appearance, habits?

But you can spend a quiet evening with your husband, without discussing problems, because you had something to talk to each other about before, was it interesting together? If something in his habits began to annoy him intolerably, you can just calmly talk about it - after all, he, quite possibly, simply does not attach importance to this and does not even know about your reaction to some of his actions. And you can find something interesting for yourself in his hobbies, and not get annoyed with the fact that he devotes time to them, and not to you.

Another reason for our concern, and the most significant one, is concern about our children: about their health, interests, academic performance.

Children are a completely different world, different interests and priorities. But if they are interested not only in grades and academic performance in general, they will perceive this attention very sensitively: as respect for them as a person. Then you will not have to be surprised at much later, and their growing up will occur without catastrophic, sometimes, upheavals associated with their hobbies, behavior or actions. It is much better and safer if they will address their questions and problems to you, and not seek answers from someone or in some sources of information.

How much time do you communicate with your children every day, do you know what interests them now and what are their plans for the future? Even at the age of 6-8, modern children are already quite independent, well-informed, well versed in new technology, which is familiar to them, freely navigate the Internet space.

If there are any problems of understanding or in relation to his or her interests, try to learn to understand this. I don’t think that what interests your son or daughter will become especially interesting to you, but, in any case, they will appreciate your interest, and you will know what modern youth is fond of.

And analyze the behavior of your child: the way he behaves at 8-10 years old can be an indicator of his future behavior in life. If your child actively communicates with peers, he is invited to visit, and you often see his friends and classmates at your place, if he easily finds common topics with new interlocutors, prefers team games, then in the future he will become a sociable person, for which communication with different people will not cause problems.

If your child prefers to spend time alone and communication with classmates is limited by the time attending school, and prefers to spend free time reading books or at the computer, try to find out the reason. It is possible that a son or daughter has his own problems, complexes or questions about which he is embarrassed to ask. And he is looking for answers on the Internet, where you can find information on any topic, moreover, anonymously.

One way to help them learn to communicate freely with their peers is through hobby clubs. For example, a chess club brings together people who are inclined to focus. Classes are held in a rather narrow circle and in a relaxed atmosphere. Your child will learn not only to communicate with people of different ages, but also to think logically.

Our children already bear a colossal load: a rich and difficult curriculum, additional classes in a foreign language and in the sports section, and some other course or training. In practice, they do not have a carefree, easy childhood, but it cannot be otherwise - they will have an independent life in conditions of fierce competition, they must be prepared for this.

Therefore, when you are constantly tense, and they, with their still fragile nervous system, annoying quarrels and breakdowns occur. And when there is no peace mental and psychological comfort in the familywhen the stress accumulated during the working day does not decrease at home, but continues to grow, then quarrels and conflicts flare up literally over trifling reasons.

It is because of the reasons, and not because of the reasons. After all, the main reason is the lack of complete trust and mutual understanding between you, within your little family. After all, you are the closest and closest people, why can't you agree on a free personal space for everyone, so that there is time for your interests and activities? Why not try to understand each other?

How to achieve mutual understanding in the family.

Arrange a family council once on the topic: “What do I dislike in our family, what complaints I have against you, what I want to do, but I don’t find free time and opportunities for this, what we can do, each of us, in order to so that we live in peace and trust, so that our home becomes our small, calm, dear and cozy haven, where you can take a break from everything that happens outside our door?

You can not say it, but write it. Write such a letter to everyone within a week. Believe me, while you are writing it, and this involves careful thought over each phrase, there will be answers to many questions, and there will be many solutions to conflicts and quarrels. After all, sometimes we just have no time to think about it, we are just in such a hurry to live that we consider all this a trifle.

The problem of the relationship between different generations in each family is solved in its own way. As a rule, it is difficult for us to find complete mutual understanding on the part of our parents, father-in-law and mother-in-law, and it is also difficult for our children to fully understand us or agree with our prohibitions, teachings, restrictions. But all this turns out to be very small and insignificant when someone from the older generation in the family starts to get seriously ill. Or, what is the most terrible and incorrigible, the pain from which remains for the rest of our life, someone leaves our life forever.

Therefore, it is enough to understand once that family, children, parents, our family relationships are the most important thing in life, what is worth living for and what is worth appreciating. Everything else, by and large, is secondary, which is not worth wasting your nerves, health and time on. You just understand this sometimes too late, when nothing can be changed, said or returned.

And from the fact that at a distance you understand that you were wrong, and even if you were right, you did not behave like that, it becomes even more painful. And it's too late. There was only pain from unspoken love, from the unresolved call to find out how things were and health, from all that small and unnecessary that seemed so important.

Take care of your parents, take care of your children, and do not forget to tell them that they are the most important thing in life for you. And there will be less conflicts, and there will be more peace of mind, health and complete happiness from the very fact that you - live.

Each person has their own map of reality. Reality map– these are unique ideas about the world of each person, built on individual perception, and based on their own life experience.The reality map affects the views of the world, worldview, human explanation of certain phenomena, events, connections. The higher the level of a person's development, the more chances he has to try to understand, objectively perceive someone else's map of reality, correctly interpret what exactly the other person wants to say, what he is really experiencing.
In a family where understandingis absent, its members are primarily concerned with the protection of their interests, the desire to impose their position, to prove their case. Communication mainly consists of incessant claims to each other, and therefore conflicts and quarrels in such a family are very frequent. The two think least of all about the point of view, position and interests of each other. The thoughts of these opponents are absorbed primarily by what they want to achieve themselves and least of all they think about the desires of their other half.

WHAT IS HINDER TO ACHIEVE MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING
Let's start with the fact that even with a very strong desire of partners to understand each other, understanding not always possible. Too different Maps of reality, spiritual and cultural levels, mentality, a strong age difference (different generations), too different conditions and environments of education, ideology, selfish interests in relation to each other, manipulation– powerful obstacles to the spiritual closeness of people.

HOW TO UNDERSTAND ANOTHER PERSON
"Mutually" means "I" and "Me". First of all, I myself must strive to understand the other. My level of success in this - feeling of emotional and mental comfort of my partner in communication with me.
FIRST STEP understanding the other:to learn to listen with genuine interest, without interrupting, without evaluating, without commenting.
In the beginning, these may not be very frank conversations, but the more comfortable the partner will tell you something, the closer he will let you in, and then to the intimate and intimate. Get your partner to talk by asking him an open question ( reference: a closed-ended question implies an unambiguous answer, for example, "How old are you?" or the answer is "Yes / No", an open-ended question begins with "How", with "What (th, th, th), with" What? ", with" Who? " and implies a detailed answer).© The author of the article you are reading now, Nadezhda Khramchenko /

If your partner speaks to you first, do not move on to another topic, but talk about what he wants to talk about, but rather just listen to what he wants to say. Do not give advice, but rather just ask “What do you think to do? What do you want to do? "
STEP TWO: Show empathy. Learn to genuinely empathize. Express your sympathy in facial expressions and words.
STEP THREE: Support. Support the interlocutor in both joy and sorrow. Feeling of support - the feeling that you are not alone, there is someone else who approves of your position and is ready to provide help. Even when very busy, make time for the person you want to bond with.

MANIPULATION – 1 ENEMY OF UNDERSTANDING IN RELATIONS
Life with a rotting person is very burdensome, he will strive to use any frankness in his selfish intentions. The manipulator controls his loved ones in his own interests, in order to achieve his goals and satisfy his desires, without considering the needs of a loved one. Understanding with a manipulator is excluded, because he strives for power in relationships, he is a great master of causing guilt. His partner, as a rule, is a person emotionally dependent, experiencing guilt and shame for "his sins", unable to defend his interests and beliefs, to protect his dignity, vulnerable, sensitive, afraid loneliness... The obedient really wants to achieve mutual understanding, however, with a cruel egoist, this is impossible, unless, of course, you become a very strong and self-confident person who defends his rights, does not agree with any accusations, defends his dignity, does not follow the lead of the blackmailer, believes in his own happiness and does not feel fear loneliness.

ANGER, EXPLOSIVITY AND EMOTIONAL TENSION - 2 ENEMIES OF UNDERSTANDING IN RELATIONSHIPS
It is natural for a person to accumulate stress from strong stress... Sooner or later, relaxation is needed. The majority is discharged on loved ones: spouses or children (nervous breakdowns, outbursts of aggression, explosions for trifles). At such moments, a person does not realize how much damage this can cause to relationships. The one who is systematically attacked anger, not only mentally traumatized, but over time begins to experience health problems. Such discharges, often developing into quarrels, occur with a certain frequency, depending on the accumulation of voltage.
Even if the couple is "on the same wavelength", "looks in the same direction", all achievements in the field mutual understanding, trust collapses due to uncontrollable emotional outbursts. © The author of the article you are reading now, Nadezhda Khramchenko /

Save understanding will only help the ability to restrain oneself in the presence of loved ones and be sure to discharge oneself in sports, dancing, in any active physical activity, and the correct reaction of the "punching bag": to be silent, pretending to hear nothing or leave until everything calms down, and then restrained and calmly make it clear that she will not tolerate more affective outbursts and nervous breakdowns and will leave this aggressive person.

COMMUNICATIVE BARRIERS – 3 ENEMY OF UNDERSTANDING IN RELATIONS
Communication barriers– what hinders effective communication distorts the perception and processing of information from the interlocutor. There are a lot of them, the main ones can be distinguished:
- competence (each person perceives information based on his personal experience, competence in a particular issue, his culture, therefore, information from the lips of the interlocutor can be interpreted in different ways). More likely to be understood by a person talking with someone who has a similar life experience;
- a logical barrier arises with different types of thinking (abstract-logical, visual-figurative, visual-effective). You can overcome the logical barrier clearly, accurately, competently, and concisely expressing your thoughts;
- selective hearing (information is perceived in accordance with the ideas that the listener has already formed). A person hears what he wants to hear;
- value judgments (information is perceived based on previous experience of communication with this person);
- time pressure (time constraints, time pressure);
- the barrier of a double (we often judge a person by ourselves). It is important to recognize that all people are different;
- different social status (interferes with communicating on equal terms, respecting and appreciating someone else's opinion). They help to overcome this barrier: expressed emotionality, active facial expressions, gestures, smile, emotional contact.

A CRISIS – 4 ENEMY OF UNDERSTANDING IN RELATIONS
Family, personal, age crisescan lead to severe family disunity. In personal and age crises the most important thing is not to interfere, not to invade a person's personal space, but fully support the experiencing a crisis.
The first year of marriage is a tough test, this is the stage of confrontation, or, in a simple way, grinding to each other. The most important thing here is to compromise, openly express your needs, feelings and, most importantly, treat your partner, his habits and views on family and relationships with great respect.
A mature family can also have a difficult period when mutual understanding in relationships complete, and two know everything about each other, and at one fine moment one of the spouses has a desire for strong changes in his personal life, and sometimes in his career. This is the “Experimenting with independence” stage of family development. One of the first symptoms of this stage: a husband or wife remarks: "I can not understand him (her), he became (la) completely different (goy), as if replaced." An affair with a younger sexual partner is just an escape from oneself, a rejection of one's real age, and life with a dear person, the disintegration of a family, is threatened.
However, any a crisis sooner or later it passes, you can try to win your loved one again, fill the relationship with more fresh feelings.
Mutual best friends: life optimism, lightness, emotional balance. The most important thing is to listen, speak openly and clearly about your needs and feelings, trust, respect your partner, spend time together, find common interests, create family traditions, at mutual desire, negotiate and ... compromise.
The ability to negotiate is to comply with the agreement. If someone in the family constantly breaks the agreement, it becomes impossible to negotiate.

Do not forget that it is much easier to come to family psychologist or to undergo an individual consultation and quickly sort out all the difficulties of the relationship, rather than living for many years in the tension and feeling of the unproductiveness of your own life. You can contact me as a couple or in person.psychological comfort or you need to flee from it.
Khramchenko Nadezhda
02.06.2014

Good afternoon, dear homebodies. It is very painful to realize that the mutual understanding that you have been building for years suddenly loses feelings, passion, romance. The wonderful and joyful moments spent together are replaced by disappointment, resentment, quarrels and insults.

Men stop admiring their women, and they, in turn, lose respect for them. If the relationship collapses, each partner is worried about this, but this is not enough.

We urgently need to start doing something in order to restore the connection. The success of this business depends on how willing you are to interact, so it is worth uniting in the name of a common cause - the salvation of your love.

And what to do if the relationship collapses - learn from this article.

In order to start working on your relationships, you first need to understand the true reasons for everything that happens in them. That is, to understand the root of the problems in your relationship. And in order to make it easier for you to figure out what exactly destroys your relationship, read the most common causes of this phenomenon, and perhaps you will find the answer.

1. Personal crises can lead to the destruction of relationships if they drag on for too long or have a complex course. Also, the support of a partner in the passage of a personal crisis is very important, but often people come across a misunderstanding of those closest to them, and sometimes even condemnation, which aggravates the problem.
2. Certain family crises can also be devastating. But, in fact, crises in relationships between partners are a natural, normal process. It is important to have knowledge about them that will help you get out of crisis periods without losses. There are many crisis stages in a relationship, and all of them, in one way or another, are associated with changes in the life of partners.
3. Losing everything is also often detrimental. Trust is the foundation of a relationship; without it, everything will simply collapse. Why is trust disappearing? It is impossible to answer this question - in each situation it is different. But, the essence is the same - a lie, forgotten promises, cunning, cunning and resourcefulness, once lead to the destruction of trust, more often without the possibility of restoration.
4. A problem in communication may appear if people initially did not have a common outlook on life, the same value systems, etc. In this regard, it should be clear what to do if the relationship collapses - there are only two ways out. You can break up or keep love, provided that one of the partners changes their fundamental beliefs. In this case, they can be together and feel happy at the same time only at the stage of falling in love, when strong feelings and euphoria overshadow their reason.
5. The discrepancy between expectations and reality is probably the kind of problem that absolutely all people face. It is normal that each of us, in advance, imagines how his relationship, the distribution of responsibilities and the future in general will look like. But, you will not find a person who could fully meet your expectations and adjust all his actions to them. Therefore, you should be flexible in these matters.
6. Routine, monotony and routine are the eternal enemies of mutual understanding. If you don't destroy them, they will simply destroy your friendship, love, respect and understanding. At the initial stage of building relationships, people give a feeling of a fairy tale, a holiday and, in general, fills life with vivid emotions and impressions. If this is not supported, everything will change, and you will feel that such a relationship is a burden for you. This is the first step towards their destruction.
7. And another common reason that provokes the destruction of feelings is a lack of understanding and failure to meet each other's basic needs. We are not talking about bodily needs, but about mental ones. We all have innate needs - we need acceptance, love, understanding, support, admiration, and much more. If there is no mutual fulfillment of basic needs in a relationship, people will not be able to feel happy, and this will destroy their connection.

First you need to calm down and - be glad that you noticed in time that the relationship is not developing, but breaking down. This means that you have every opportunity to fix everything. Here are some practical tips to use to save a crumbling relationship.

1. Change your perspective on the situation. Just think about the fact that your contacts are not destroyed, but move to a new level. Change is always painful, but if you can do your best, your relationship will truly grow stronger.
2. Talk to your partner - if you join forces, you can quickly restore your friendship and steer them out of this impasse. But, it is very important to find the right time for a conversation so that you are heard and can agree. You may not succeed on the first try, but do not despair - try at another time, when your partner will be more inclined to hear you.
3. Don't ask your partner to change his attitude towards you - just start treating him differently. Bring back to life what you are missing. Take the first step, and do not wait for your partner to mature for this - you can lose precious time, and it plays a significant role in restoring relationships. Remember that every day you move away from each other, and there may come a moment when it will be impossible to return to the starting point.
4. Wondering what to do if your relationship falls apart? Be open to change - this means that you need to be ready to admit your mistakes and accept the initiatives and proposals of your partner. Most often, in order to begin to change something in understanding, both partners must break their pride and make concessions.
5. Leave all the grievances that were in the past - you can pronounce them, you can write them on a blank sheet and then burn them, you can just express them in the face of your partner, but do not keep them in yourself. After that, forgive and let go of these situations, and also ask your partner for forgiveness, even for those cases where you did not notice your guilt. Now you are taking a very important step - eradicating the root of the problem, that is, the resentment that has been accumulating, perhaps over the years. It is important to come to terms with your partner and agree that you start from scratch.
6. The best way to repair a relationship is to start over. Just today, take your partner, and leave everything that was in the past behind you, and start building relationships in a new way. This is a good time to bring romance back to spouses, date each other, give gifts, and go on romantic weekend trips. This is the best time to start doing everything that you did during the stage of falling in love, when your heart prevailed over your mind.
7. Now that you start all over again, avoid the mistakes that you made in the past that brought your relationship to ruin. In order not to return to the past, it is worth analyzing your relationship and drawing a conclusion from them. Talk about what you should change and what to give up. Point out mistakes to each other and try to help change them. The result will not slow down. The main thing is to admit in time that you made a mistake.
8. Reconsider your vision for the personal freedom of each partner. Perhaps this will be the answer to the question of what to do if the relationship collapses. Its lack can provoke a deterioration in relationships. Each person needs to be respected for his space, time, freedom. Therefore, any attempt to encroach on freedom will be perceived as hostile, and this is not even on a conscious level. No matter how strong your love is, you need to rest from each other. It is necessary to spend time only with friends and alone with yourself - this is the only way your relationship can be harmonious.
9. If trust has been lost in your relationship, start working to restore it. Try to build your relationship in a different way, let it be more open than before. For example, if you close a browser tab when your other half enters a room, even if there is nothing discrediting there, it is a blow to mutual trust. Trust must be restored with sincerity, openness and frankness, otherwise nothing will work.
   
10. Look at yourself critically - have you retained your attraction to your partner? Think about what is worth changing, both in terms of appearance and in terms of inner peace. Very often, due to piled up everyday problems and worries, we do not have time to remain attractive and interesting to our partners, but it is worth finding an opportunity and fixing everything.
11. A benevolent attitude should replace criticism and reproaches. Smile more often, rejoice that this particular person is next to you. A smile is even more contagious than the flu virus. Remember what the children's song was about? So share your smile - nothing has changed in the world, what you give is what you receive.
12. In no case do not be silent - everything that worries you at the stage of restoring relationships is very important to discuss all the nuances, and, if necessary, adjust your actions. This will make it much more difficult for you to figure out what to do if the relationship falls apart.
13. Be tolerant of each other and learn to accept each other's shortcomings, as well as mistakes. None of us are perfect and will never become so in this world, so it is worth learning to give your partner the right to make mistakes. If you don't constantly point out mistakes to your other half, change will happen faster.
14. Express your love even if you don't feel anything. Love is not an emotion that is always with you, but a decision made to trust, appreciate, respect, care, encourage, not betray and always be there, both in sorrow and in joy. And emotions and feelings are only pleasant additions to all this. There are different languages \u200b\u200bof love - use them in order to show your feelings, prove them in practice, and your partner will surely reciprocate you.
15. Compliments, words of admiration and encouragement are very important. So you not only restore what was lost in the past, but you yourself switch from your partner's disadvantages to his dignity, and you will be able to fall in love in a new way thanks to this.
16. Be sure to find time for sincere conversations that bring you closer, help open each other from a new side, and also such conversations help to improve mutual understanding. Your relationship will become much warmer, and you can avoid many quarrels and scandals if you often openly and calmly talk about everything that gnaws at you from the inside.

Can a relationship breakdown be prevented?

In order not to have to think about what to do if the relationship collapses, you should take care of them in advance. We've just looked at tips that can help restore a crumbling relationship, but it's best not to allow it to such a state.

In fact, you can simply prevent the destruction of relationships if you start working on them in advance, when nothing portends trouble.

Here is a list of tips to practice so that family contacts are always harmonious and happy.

• Take care of your appearance - take care of yourself and always have a decent look. This advice applies not only to women - in men, appearance is equally important.
• Find a common cause that will spark the same enthusiasm for both you and your partner. This will be the element that will strengthen your relationship, and focusing on what unites you will help you not focus on the dividing factors.
• Keep track of where you spend your time and start to cherish it at last. Every day is unique, and you should not postpone the opportunity to love and take care of a loved one until tomorrow.
• Strive to find harmony within yourself, get rid of internal contradictions, and then you will be able to find harmony with the entire external world, including with your partner.
• Help each other make your dreams come true, assist in the realization, and most importantly - believe in the success of the one who is next to you.

That is, in principle, all the information regarding the question of what to do if the relationship collapses. If the relationship begins to deteriorate, this is only the result of your actions and words. This is what you two built and what you came to.

Therefore, do not try to look for someone to blame for the fact that your relationship is falling apart - you can find him only by looking in the mirror.

Better to leave your search for the culprit, and start looking for a solution, and restore love.

Be happy!