How I managed to survive the divorce with dignity after the betrayal of my husband. How a man can survive a divorce from his beloved wife

How to survive a divorce from your husband? Unfortunately, human life does not consist exclusively of joys, therefore sorrows must be accepted and properly experienced. One must understand that everything is fleeting in being. Good moments pass, as well as events that involve a share of negativity. It has become so determined in today's society that often after marriage a divorce occurs, which most women endure rather hard, due to a mistaken attitude towards it.

Parting with a spouse must be perceived correctly. More precisely, it is not recommended to classify the rupture of family ties as a global tragedy or the coming of the end of everything. On the contrary, it is necessary to reflect on the transformation of the negative end of the relationship into the basis of something new in a woman's life, the emergence of many previously impossible opportunities.

How to survive a divorce from your beloved husband, if the emptiness has settled inside, and the woman's heart does not want to let go of the spouse, when trust in a loved one is lost, and the soul continues to love and suffer?

Breaking up relationships is the most serious test in the life of the beautiful half of humanity, a test of the strength of their willpower and a test of faith in themselves for endurance. Often, a divorce is complicated by the redistribution of property, the termination of interaction with mutual acquaintances, conflicts with the spouse's relatives, children protesting against the departure of the pope, misunderstanding and condemnation of the woman's relatives, which can bring her to a very difficult state.

How to survive a divorce from your husband if you still love

The dynamics of divorce proceedings in modern society, unfortunately, is prone to persistent growth. The reason for this may be the too young age of the spouses, a change in the thinking of today's people or in their views on the family, a decrease in the attractiveness of the institutions of marriage in the eyes of young people, etc. Often, recently, more and more often, representatives of the strong half are the initiators of the divorce.

When a couple, after discussing the existing relationship, comes to a mutual decision about divorce, the breakup is experienced easier. But the situation is more difficult when one partner seeks a divorce, and the other is not ready to accept this decision. It is then that the question arises before the ladies "how it is easier to survive a divorce from her husband."

In principle, breaking up relationships is difficult for the female part of the population in any case - when she continues to have feelings for her spouse, and when love is gone. Therefore, women should try to overcome this most difficult stage of life with dignity and with minimal losses for themselves. And most importantly, it is required by any effort to try not to get angry with all men and not to lose confidence in them.

If you still love, then it is very difficult to survive a divorce from your husband. Indeed, in ninety-one percent of cases, if the husband demands a divorce, then the woman has a serious rival. Naturally, in this situation, the weaker half feels betrayed. When a mistress is chosen instead of a lawful wife, it is always very difficult to survive. But life does not know the word "impossible."

So how to survive the betrayal of your husband and divorce? As a rule, the stronger half decides to leave the spouse and go to the other not at one moment. At first, he secretly meets with a homeless woman, cheating on his lawful wife, to whom he promised to be faithful. Male infidelity is often noticeable in their behavior. Psychologists say that a fairly small number of men are able to leave their own spouses for the sake of mistresses, destroy existing family relationships for the sake of a hypothetical new connection. However, such cases do occur.

Therefore, in order to successfully resolve the situation and find an answer to the age-old question: "how to survive a husband's betrayal and divorce", you first need to completely exclude the former partner from your own life. In other words, you should either hide far away, or throw away joint videos or photographs, remove objects from your eyes that remind you of your spouse or joint happiness, and if possible, avoid any interaction with his environment. After all, he made an "adult" balanced decision that he no longer loves his spouse, so she no longer needs him.

What is the easiest way to survive a divorce from your husband? It must be taken for granted that the former faithful has now become a stranger to his wife. The abandoned spouse should be in parallel with what the traitor is doing, what he lives with, with whom he spends time, etc. After all, we usually don't care about strangers. So why would we be interested in a former spouse? It is not recommended to try to prove anything to him. Also, one should not rush headlong in search of a peasant who will replace the traitor. Life is given to a person alone, so it should be lived not just like, but happily. So it's stupid to waste your own time proving something to a stranger.

You should try to distract yourself from the prevailing circumstances. The feminine mood is very strongly influenced by their appearance, which they observe from the mirror. Naturally, if a sad person, with unwashed hair, the gaze of a battered dog, casually dressed, looks at a lady from the mirror, then what he sees can not only scare even the most seasoned, but also drive them into severe depression. Therefore, it is important to use the free time that has appeared to work on your own appearance. You can change your haircut or hair tone, update your wardrobe, tattoo your eyebrows or lips, and much more. Psychologists also recommend trying to do something that you never thought of doing before. For example, jumping with a parachute or doing youth dancing. The new opportunities in life will not only distract, but also give communication with new faces.

Not the best option for the fair half would be to plunge headlong into the professional sphere. This method is more typical for men. It is recommended to have a pet if you did not have one. Better to give preference to the dog. Firstly, they are characterized by devotion, and secondly, they need to be walked at least twice a day, which will not only distract from everyday worries, but also have a great effect on women's health and physical fitness. After all, everyone knows about the benefits of walking.

An active hobby for some kind of sport helps to cope with negative emotions. For example, you can go swimming or fitness, yoga also helps to harmonize the inner state. Sport contributes not only to burning out negativity from the female soul, but also helps to make the figure more perfect, and the overall appearance more attractive, which will affect.

In addition to all of the above, another important aspect of this difficult period for every female person is systematic interaction with people: relatives, girlfriends or colleagues. Loneliness and four walls around are not the best helpers in solving the problem: "how to survive the betrayal of her husband and divorce." It is necessary to live every moment of being fully. After all, human nature is so arranged that there is always time for suffering, and happiness is put on the back burner.

How to survive a divorce from your husband if you have a child

So what seemed to be the worst thing happened - a divorce. Not so long ago, the social unit gathered for a joint dinner, and today each of the spouses must build their own life separately from the couple. And how to do it, how to painlessly survive a divorce from your husband, if at times despair mixed with strong resentment floods, sometimes bitterness rolls over, and sometimes acute pity for your own person attacks. At such moments, it is felt that life, if not finished, has certainly lost all meaning. The usual way of life is falling apart, goals and objectives are changing, a huge burden of new responsibility arises, which yesterday lay on the broad shoulders of the spouse.

And how to survive a divorce from your beloved husband if you have a child? After all, the responsibility lies with the weaker half, not only for herself, but also for the baby. In the first turn, you need to realize that not only the fate of a social unit, but also a little man depends on any jointly adopted decision today. Therefore, you should honestly talk with your child, not juggling and not hushing up the truth. After all, kids are quite susceptible to the dramas that take place in family relationships, as a result of which, often, they blame themselves for the fact that daddy left. It doesn't matter what age the child is in, he is a full-fledged member of family relationships, so he must know the reason why the parents do not want to live together anymore. It is better when parents have such a conversation together. You should talk to your child on equal terms and perceive him as a full-fledged adult personality. Otherwise, he may be tormented in the future by complexes provoked by an unjustified feeling of guilt.

You should not deprive the child of communication with the father. The man ceased to be a husband, but he remained a dad. And this fact cannot be changed. The child can decide for himself whether he will continue to communicate with dad or not. But the mother has no right to deprive the baby of interaction with the father.

Psychologists also recommend establishing a clear boundary between relationships. A woman must understand for herself that she accepts her ex-spouse at home exclusively as the father of the baby and no more. Otherwise, meetings can provoke old feelings in a woman and arouse a desire to resurrect a relationship. But the ex-spouse may not have such plans. Although he is unlikely to refuse "friendly" intimacy, but does the fair half need it ?! Therefore, it is necessary to immediately discuss the limits with the former partner, which should not be crossed.

The departure of a spouse is considered one of the most difficult situations in the life of women. Therefore, quite often women turn to specialists to find the answer to the painful question: "how to survive a divorce and the departure of a husband to another." The main task in breaking a relationship is not to fall into a depressive state of a protracted nature.

All the advice of psychologists on how to survive a divorce from your husband includes the statement that the best doctor is time. But how to survive this difficult period and not lose yourself? How to survive a husband's betrayal and divorce? And is it even possible? Experts believe that it is possible. And the first thing that needs to be done is to set an unbreakable goal for yourself - to become happy, no matter what. You need to follow this goal in spite of everything and not succumb to weaknesses. Even when it is very difficult, do not retreat one iota.

The next tip that psychologists share is to get rid of negativity. Why carry with you into a happy life a heavy burden of negativity. After all, he will only slow down the beautiful half on the road to the goal. Therefore, it is necessary to get rid of negative emotions immediately, after they appear and as they appear. There are many ways to get rid of, from smashing dishes to drinking a bottle of wine with your best friend and then crying into your vest.

Another recommendation of psychologists that solves the problem of “how to survive a divorce and the departure of a husband to another” is to communicate with family members and loved ones. You cannot shut yourself up and bury yourself in a shell, devoting all your free time to your own tragedy, which is not a tragedy at all, but just a new stage in existence. Only close people can help to overcome a difficult period as painlessly as possible.

It is also not recommended, even with the strongest desire, to take revenge on the traitor. After all, it is impossible to correct the situation with revenge, but it is quite possible to make it worse than one's own personality and state of mind. Resentments need to be let go. From here comes the following advice from psychologists, which is forgiveness and goodbye. That is, the ex-spouse should be forgiven with all my heart, and then released. After all, past relationships were not always bad, they often gave happiness and crazy joy. At least for those moments of happiness spent with your ex-husband, you need to be grateful to him. Therefore, you should forgive the traitor and try to keep extremely positive memories of him.

Hello! My husband and I divorced six months ago. Everything happened very quickly. The relationship has long been tense, but they did not even think about divorce. After another quarrel, he said that he wanted a divorce, packed his things and left. Attempts to talk, to find out what happened, have led nowhere. “I don’t love you anymore and I don’t want to live with you.” When asked if he had anyone, the answer is negative. A month later, I learned that he had a relationship with the administrator of the children's center where our daughter goes. Although he convinced that the relationship began only after leaving. But as it later became clear, they began long before leaving. He filed for divorce a few days after leaving. I tried to forgive, accept the situation and move on, but it didn't work. We see each other regularly, 2-3 times a week he visits his daughter. And it's just hard for me to be in our apartment, and after his arrival, at least climb into a noose. How to survive all this?

I still love my husband madly, I miss it very much, although we divorced almost six months ago.
We have been married for 14 years, all these years my husband idolized me and literally fulfilled all my desires. After the death of my mother, a few years ago, we moved to live with my father (my mother asked, and I just felt very sorry for him). A couple of years later, my husband wanted to leave again, and although I agreed with him, I was afraid to talk / offend my father.
My husband had a nervous breakdown, which is why he lost a high-paying prestigious job. He could not forgive me for this and filed for divorce. Although we parted with my father, my husband was very offended by me. I tried to support him, I feel that he still has feelings for me, but now the whole family is categorically against me, and he, most importantly, also blames me for everything. I do not deny my guilt, I am aware of it. I really want to return it, but how to convince the whole family that I have changed ??? I have 2 children left with me. I suffer terribly, sometimes it seems that I am slowly dying and pulling my children with me ... It seems that when I talk to my husband, he says that we have a chance, then he meets with his mother, and that's all ... he doesn't need me anymore ...

Hello! We have been married to my husband for over 11 years. We work at the same enterprise. We went through a lot together - we paid a loan for an apartment on equal terms, I always tried to find a common language with my mother-in-law, she was my CLASSIC bitchy mother-in-law (my mother’s son’s husband) ruffled her nerves over the group, then I don’t go in nylon pantyhose at minus 30, then she scandalized from bad mood, then I don't dress brightly, but I worked on my appearance and I became more expensive to dress and lost weight, I could not give birth for a long time, and after 8 years of marriage, our son was born. My son was eight months old when her mother-in-law dies unexpectedly (my relationship with her was always strained), my husband was replaced, he spent more than a year and a half in depression - he cried at night and paid little attention to my child and me (instead of going out to nature in the summer they went to the cemetery), after a beer he could break off either at me or at his son, I could have shouted too, but in the last year of my life together it came to scandals with assault. Several times I went with the child to the regional hospital for examination - he calls and says: stop lying there, rest, go home, or complaints - you don't even know how to get drunk, he tells me (I'm indifferent to alcohol). I come from the hospital - we and my child have nothing to eat (not cleaned and not prepared), he got a beer and it got to the point that I put a black eye under his eye. Made up. We moved to the mother-in-law's apartment (he wanted so much in honor of his mother's memory). And now he gives out - my mother always said to divorce you and filed for divorce, I will have to move in with my disabled mother (she moves in a wheelchair), the child will of course be with me. And he went to the empty apartment of his relatives while we divide the property, etc. Over the years, I helped him grow from an electrician to a managerial position. I met and waited from frequent business trips, I feel offended and do not understand why this is so? The child loves to speak, but I fly and study with him (he came home from work and right at the computer, beer on weekends). How can I work with him in the same building now - it's unpleasant, for all of us we were a couple. I can't quit - I like my job and they also went to a meeting and shortened my working day to take care of my mother and child. I also depended on him financially. I am at a loss and cry all the time, I can’t earn so much, and with my child and my mother, all my relatives turned away from me.

• Good evening. My husband and I have the same situation, only now we live like the tenth year, but there are no children. There was also a mother-in-law who did everything so that we were not together. She died like a year, left him two apartments and the one in which we are now. So his roof just blew off, exactly one year later, he did the same as your husband did. You know this is a midlife crisis, read how to deal with it. What makes it even more difficult for me is that someone has taken care of it, because he has no relatives. There is pressure, he wants a divorce too quickly. Here is the first hearing on February 24, I'm just dying. So he still regrets me and says that I will thank him again, would not mind to deal with intimacy with me, this is such a divorce! Write, let's talk, I'm from Moscow.

Good day! We have not lived with my husband for two years. They quarreled, he went to live with his mother. They made up - but the situation remained the same: he did not return. Argument: you kicked me out. My answer: but I apologized, it was an emotion! Let's seek compromises, not find out who is wrong. The fact is that before that we lived with MY mom. It was very depressing. Neither my room (two pretty adult children), nor the desired comfort. In a word, two housewives, a common life ... She asked me to think about changing or renting an apartment. Answer: we do not have enough money, but let her arrange part of the apartment for you ... For this new year, I heard (literally scratched out) our general plan of action. But since it was my initiative again (to hear the plan), something collapsed in my soul. IS IT REALLY OWNED BY ME ONE? Two years apart from children !!! In short, I have lost hope. And I blame myself for that. I do not believe. Let go?

Hello! My husband and I have been together for 5 years, but we simply cannot stand the last year, does not pay any attention, dismisses his hands, constant humiliation and insults addressed to me, he does not even consider me a person. Today I went to file for divorce, he didn’t even stop me, although he said he didn’t want to get a divorce. She did not submit the documents, in the hope that she would change her mind. Our daughter is 2 years old. I don’t know what to do ... but it’s impossible to live like that! Please advise what to do!

• Hello Alina. Reconsider your attitude towards your husband, maybe you are doing something wrong, try not to demand anything, but to become necessary for your husband, because before this was not the case: “he lets go of his hands, constant humiliation and insults to me”.
  You will always have time to get a divorce, but it is worth saving the relationship for the sake of preserving the family. Invite the husband to visit a family counselor together to help understand the reasons for this behavior of the spouse.

Hello. A month ago, my husband left, saying that he loved another. We were left alone with my son, a day later I put out his things and he said that he wanted to return, but since I had put things out, he left (as I understand it, he shifts the responsibility onto me, because if I wanted to return, I would at least ask for forgiveness). I still have feelings, I tried to talk to him twice, said that I was not ready to return, that is, I humiliate myself in front of him, but he is not ready! A month has passed and he denies the fact that he said that he does not love me, that they are just good friends with this woman (she is 10 years older than him, has two children, she is married, but does not live with her husband, and she doesn’t says neither yes nor no), that is, he justifies himself, but does not take any steps towards. And I suffer, I want to forget him, but it's difficult. I decided to file for divorce, maybe something will click in his brain, but on the other hand I think if I need him. I see my son well, but I can't cope with myself. I do not know what to do. Help me please.

• Hello Lena. By your behavior, you yourself complicate everything. He would have returned long ago and you would have healed happily again. If you want to be with him - forget about your pride, do not expect that he should ask you for forgiveness.
  “I decided to file for divorce, maybe something will click in his brain.” With such actions, you will strengthen your husband's faith that you should not return.
  Understand yourself: what exactly do you want, but do not delay the decision and only then act.

Hello! Please tell me how to communicate with your ex-husband after a divorce, if we continue to live in the same apartment. We have a child. How to save your face if he constantly provokes and tries to pin up.

• Hello, Natalia. Your situation is difficult. Ideally, it is better for you to separate, but if this is not possible, then it is better to remain calm and not react to the provocations of your husband for the sake of the growing child. You can directly tell him that you perfectly understand his desire to piss you off, but you do not intend to respond to these tricks, therefore, ask him to tolerate your presence until the best times, when the question of ending the cohabitation is resolved.

Hello, please tell me what to do when 2 people who love each other get divorced, who simply cannot live together because of divergent views on their future life. Together for 15 years. Child 14. Little contact with the father due to his absence from his side, so there is no tragedy for the child. That's noticeable. .... but I can’t imagine how to live without him, and it doesn’t work with him. 4 years see each other every 2 weeks. Loneliness is unbearable ... ... decided to divorce, because there will always be a distance between us. So his soul hurts for him .. he is also very bad. Although he behaves with dignity. Holds on. I'm afraid that love will never meet again. Loves us sooo. These were the happiest 15 years (11 for me, since we have been living separately for the last 4 years), although when he is around, I forget about my sadness. But this is only 2-3 days. And then he leaves again and I lie down in an empty bed again….

• Hello Olga. In your case, you need to choose: continue such a relationship or break up. But if there are sincere and real feelings, then distance, according to Elizaveta Boyarskaya, cannot interfere with true love and marriage. "And then he leaves again and I go back to an empty bed ...." - You can be in a new long-term relationship or live in marriage, but also go to bed with the feeling of an empty bed.

  • thanks a lot

    • Hello again. I love my husband, but lately I have been feeling worried about something. Recently I visited a psychologist where the Luscher test was performed. The test showed that stress is caused by unwanted restrictions and I am ready for change, thirst for a love relationship. Powerful. I am full of strength and decision to start life on my own .. I strive to please. Internal independence and independence is required. Easily suggestible. Thirst to find people interesting to me. Lonely.
      We love each other very much with my husband, how to fight? Is there really no way out. He is also power-hungry, but he never really limited me. We decided that we would find a job closer and we will be together every day now. Will pay more attention to me. This can help? I haven't made much of friends here. She is pretentious towards people, I struggle with it. We got acquainted with a family couple for a joint pastime. I don’t want to part with this person. Yes, and he is with me. You can somehow remove this anxiety. I do not believe that you can end a relationship like that. Maybe I'm rereading the test because of my inclination to suggestion, I can't calm down.

      • Olga, you have an excellent relationship with your husband. It is not clear why fight this? - "We love each other very much with my husband, how to fight?"
        “We decided that we would find a job closer and we will be together every day. Will pay more attention to me. This can help?"
        - Of course, it will help, but on condition that you try to maintain your composure.
        A psychotherapist will help to remove unreasonable anxiety, and we recommend that you destroy the test results and forget about them.

        • Thank you again ... so hard ... it seems that I am already ready to change my place of residence, and my husband said that it would be difficult for him to go somewhere. The fear of losing opportunities is frightening or something ...

Hello! I have already turned to you for advice. Thanks for the competent advice. We are divorcing my husband. He began to see his daughter. Her mood rose sharply. She's 4 years old. She became cheerful, talking about her dad incessantly. They walked all day yesterday. Both the husband and she returned from the walk in a better mood than they were before. I began to ask about how they took a walk. He says it's good that dad said they would go sledding when it snows. She also said that “he was with some aunt. Ish how grown up ”, but the whole evening she was happy, contented, while she danced, she told how they walked. And before going to bed she says “I won't go out with my dad anymore,” I ask why, and she says, “Dad said he won't come anymore because he doesn't love me anymore and won't let me even on the doorstep of the house,” I'm horrified. I tried to ask something, and my daughter said “let's go to sleep” and fell asleep without saying a word. In the morning I again asked how they walked and whether she still wants to walk with her dad, she said “I want to, but I'm sick,” she got cold and in the evening her temperature began to rise. I don’t know what to think. It's not quite a fool to say this to a child. And if at all, why did the daughter not say anything like that in the morning? Or maybe this malaise affected so much. Thanks in advance for your reply.

• Hello Alla. The phrase said by my daughter suggests that she had already heard it and simply repeated it.
  “… Dad said he wouldn’t come anymore because he don’t love me anymore and wouldn’t let me even on the doorstep of the house” - think, maybe you rashly or your surroundings said something like that, and the child was there - that’s what he heard. The psyche of a small child is not able to understand what is happening around him and why it is happening this way.

  • In fact of the matter. Never. I asked him. He says he never said anything like that. In the morning she did not remember what she had said. She said call the couple when he picks me up.

Based on the advice of psychologists, we will show you how to survive a divorce from your husband and start living anew.

The realization that that familiar and dear family remained only in memory and in the photo is given to women oh how difficult it is. And it doesn't matter whether the husband fell out of love, changed or even raised his hand - the woman will suffer, replay the key moments in her head, trying to understand what she is to blame for, what she did wrong.

You can't run away from psychology, so let's just dot the i's and find out how much time and effort you have to spend to survive the divorce. We will look at 4 stages every woman goes through after a divorce.

Stage 1: acute pain

This stage can begin even before the divorce. As soon as you realized that your husband cannot be returned, you have already taken the path of struggle for your future happiness. Worse, if even after parting, there is a hope of replaying everything inside. If there is nowhere to return and there is no need, it is better to have been ill for 1-2 months than after suffering all your life in the bonds of an unnecessary semblance of a family.

Hopelessness, a feeling of loneliness, disaster, self-pity mixed with outbursts of hatred for the ex-husband are signs of the first, most difficult stage. A busy schedule, hobbies, friends, parents, that is, everything that will not allow you to be alone with thoughts, helps to survive it.

Stage 2: adaptation

People get used to everything, and women who have gone through a divorce are no exception. In 2-6 months you will start to make plans for the future, smile, notice handsome men. Perhaps, since the time of the divorce, you will finally buy yourself a new dress, or perhaps for the first time you yourself will invite your friend to a cafe. And you will not pour tons of hatred on your ex - six months after breaking up, you will be able to talk about him without bitterness and resentment.

Stage 3: recovery

Perhaps only at this stage will you be able to soberly assess the reasons and prerequisites for divorce, to see the situation from the outside. And these thoughts will not make you choke with pain. After about six months or a year, emotional negativity disappears (unless, of course, betrayal or betrayal took place) and the ex-husband and wife can calmly discuss the upbringing of common children. In any case, you will indulge in less memories, the future will seem like a completely understandable picture, and not a lump of fears, pains and resentments.

Stage 4: normalization

It is at this stage that a new social climate is formed next to a divorced woman: new friends appear, a job, quite possibly a loved one. Normalization lasts up to two years - this is how much it takes to survive the divorce and its consequences, to love life and to actively participate in the process.

But how to go through all these stages as painlessly as possible? How to forget your husband you still love? How to behave so as not to find yourself in the position of those women who are squeamishly called “divorced women” and who look after them with pity?

Stage 1 - you must put an end

If the divorce has taken place, the first thing to do is to accept this fact. Do not throw things away, do not erase any memories from your memory, but try to let go of the person, accept his decision (or even comprehend your own). Say mentally: "I am letting you go." You need to stop hoping for a return, trying to get your husband back, reproaching yourself for agreeing to a divorce. As long as you cling to the past, recovery is impossible.

Remember: the torment will stop when you put an end to it.

Stage 2 - overcome obsessive thoughts

Suffering after a divorce is 80% associated with obsessive thoughts like "How to continue to live?", "Who will need me now with a divorce behind them?" ... All these are psychological anchors that keep a woman in a state of stress, do not allow her to look around and become a part of the surrounding life with its bright colors.

Close people - parents, girlfriends, children - as well as introspection, internal discussion and analysis of problems help to survive this moment. The easiest way to defeat a thought is with another thought, only kind, positive, full of hope and faith in the best.

Stage 3 - forgive your ex-husband and yourself

In almost 100% of cases, after parting, women feel resentment towards themselves and / or their partner. But such a position does not allow the person to be released, shackling the former spouses with an invisible chain. It doesn't matter whether the resentment is rational (for treason, deception, drunkenness, cruelty) or irrational (insufficient degree of respect, responsibility, love) - cut the chain of resentment so that everyone can leave on their own path with their own share of responsibility. This does not mean that you approve of your husband's actions. Stopping to be offended, you just give yourself and him the opportunity to answer for your mistakes yourself.

Stage 4 - look back

The next step is to realistically analyze past relationships. You just need not to hang labels "rights" and "wrong", but honestly to yourself to answer the following questions:

• what the relationship consisted of before the divorce (calculation, passion, psychological attachment, love);
• what were the goals of the past relationship (for you and your ex-husband);
• whether you were right for each other to achieve your common goals and what mistakes were made in the process.

And in the future, when the pain of parting has passed and you become part of a new union, ask yourself these questions from time to time - they will help you keep the right course in life and never go astray.

Stage 5 - not admit the right to be unhappy

General pity drags on, so you cannot allow yourself to become limp and fall into the abyss of depression. An adult must understand: there are no reasons for infantilism, he has no right to throw responsibility on the shoulders of those around him. Each of us is necessary for close people and for ourselves, therefore, even after a difficult divorce, you need to find the strength to maintain your physical and psychological health, enjoy life, and move forward towards new love.

How to survive a divorce from your husband if you have a child

Of course, children are a "aggravating" circumstance in a parent's divorce. But if you and your husband have decided on such a difficult step, there is no need to lie to them about business trips, father's illness and other nonsense. The child should know that from now on mom and dad will live separately, but they still remain his parents and will never leave him. It is best if such a conversation takes place in the child's usual home atmosphere in the presence of both the mother and the father.

The amount of information that needs to be given to children depends on their age. The older the child, the easier it is to explain the situation to him (the younger family members are excellent at capturing changes in the house, even if they are trying to hide something from them). But small children may not even at first understand the essence of what happened - so be ready to answer constant questions like "where is dad?", "Why dad is not there?"

Another very important point is. It is necessary to immediately discuss when, where and how their meetings will take place and explain this in detail to the child. The kid should know that they continue to love him, that he is needed, the rules of the game have just changed a little. Parents should organize the child's life in such a way that he does not feel superfluous or deprived, otherwise psychological problems in the future cannot be avoided.

How to survive a divorce if you still love

This question is another typical situation that occurs in 99% of cases. After all, a loving woman will never go for a divorce, therefore, most often in such situations there is a separate woman, who became the reason for the divorce. In this case, it is even more difficult to survive parting, because a new family of a man seems to a woman a direct reproach of her failure, ineptitude, etc.

The most important thing here is not to compare yourself with your husband's new passion. The deed is done and what has taken place cannot be reversed. Let him go, forgive and direct your love to a new hobby or family. But in no case look for a new gentleman - the replacement effect will not help to cope with love addiction, but will only further intensify your mental anguish. Better to get a dog - caring for a new family member will distract you from sad thoughts, and daily walks will force you to be on the street and communicate with people around you.

The question of how to survive a divorce from her husband is not an easy one, every woman is looking for her own way out and a way to live on. It doesn't matter which one you choose. The main thing is to believe in happiness, make plans for the future and love yourself - so a new life will come by itself!

The family goes through a number of stages and crises in its development. Sometimes a crisis ends in divorce. According to statistics, divorces more often occur 2-3 years after marriage and at the age of 40-45. However, the peak of divorce falls on 25-29 years, moreover, for men - at 29 years old, and for women - at 28 years old. If we consider the age of couples, then divorce more often occurs in young families (up to 4 years of marriage), in families aged 4-5 and 10-14 years. In 70% of cases, the wives become the initiators of the divorce. One way or another, you apparently ended up in the divorce statistics. Then I propose to move from words to actions, or rather drawing up a rehabilitation plan after a divorce.

There can be many reasons for divorce. Sometimes you wonder at the absurdity of the reason (from someone's bell tower). But for spouses, the reason is always subjectively significant. The most popular and common reasons include:

• treason and (including unreasonable);
• disagreements in interests, hobbies and views;
• on the basis of living conditions;
• personality problems and immaturity;
• elimination of the primary basis for marriage (bankruptcy, loss of health).

Broader factors also affect each individual. For example, the social and economic situation in the country. Also, broader reasons include:

• acceptability of divorce in society (absence of negative stereotypes);
• emancipation of women, economic independence (some individuals of the fair sex now earn more than men);
• urbanization, modernization, changing the rhythm and lifestyle;
• a change in the values ​​and attitudes of society, a departure from stereotypes and prejudices;
• changes in psychophysiological characteristics in developmental psychology and family psychology;
• early and reckless marriages.

Risk factors

Family normative crises, accompanied by tension and anxiety in the relationship, are always a negative factor that can provoke divorce. But there are others:

• divorce or conflict in the relationship between the parents of the spouses;
• cohabitation with the parents of the spouse;
• separation of spouses or frequent business trips;
• early or late age of marriage (in the first case, the spouses are not yet fully formed as individuals and will change, in the second, they are already difficult to change and are completely personally formed);
• idealization of a partner ("pink glasses break glass inward");
• one of the partners;
• contradictions in temperaments ("did not agree with the characters");
• unequal social, material, intellectual or other level of partners;
• excessive employment of one of the spouses in a career;
• sexual dissatisfaction, betrayal;
• systematic mistrust and jealousy;
• infertility or other illness of one of the spouses;
• marriage due to pregnancy, by calculation;
• the birth of a child at the beginning of a family relationship;
• antisocial behavior of one of the partners.

Additional negative factors include:

• material problems (loans, budget planning, income and expenses of each spouse);
• moral and physical overload in the family and at work;
• "Monsters" of spouses (personal, jealousy);
• external forces (media, entertainment, friends (with whom you don't need enemies), envious people);
• lack of personal time;
• struggle for leadership.

Each of these factors can be fought if you know about it and notice its influence in time. But since we are talking about a divorce that took place, then this is no longer important. But! This is important to know to consider when entering a new relationship. And please don't say never again. When you meet your soul mate and a worthy applicant, you will understand that this is simply necessary.

Divorce stages

American psychologist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross identified 5 stages of divorce acceptance:

1. Negation. A person tries to justify the forces expended on the relationship with phrases like "this is liberation."
2. Anger. At this stage, everything that boils is poured onto the partner. Often, it is at this stage that children are involved. There are also mutual manipulations and insults.
3. Negotiation. Attempts to mend or renew relationships. At this stage, manipulations and tricks are also possible.
4. Depression. Occurs when previous reactions have not yielded the desired result. This is an awareness of the irreparability of the situation. Self-esteem decreases. A person begins to avoid people, avoid new relationships.
5. Adaptation. Adapting to a new situation, helping to adapt to oneself and children.

This is not the only classification of the stages of a divorce. For example, based on the works of S. Duck and J.A. Lee, I identified other 5 stages:

1. Awareness of dissatisfaction with the marriage with further "chewing" and suppression or expression of dissatisfaction with the partner.
2. Negotiation. This is the stage of mutual expression of claims and experiments. The most common example is the variety of sex life (role-playing games, adult shops). But, of course, this is the most primitive. We can talk about more sublime things: visiting a museum, trying to find a common cause for leisure. As a result of negotiations, the relationship is either stabilized, or the spouses recognize the fact of discord.
3. An official decision on divorce, an introduction to the case of relatives and friends.
4. Individual reflection. The spouses are already living the experience separately, analyzing the situation and their feelings. There are two possible scenarios for the development of events: positive acceptance (this is a lesson, experience) or rejection (this is a failure), accompanied by tantrums and depression.

I think we can say that the second classification better describes the process of divorce for a couple, and the first one describes the subjective experiences of its members. What I want to ask is: what stage are you in now (denial, anger, negotiation, depression, adaptation)? And have you gone past the one that preceded it? It is important. To irrevocably work through the divorce situation, you need to consciously go through each stage.

Why divorce is dangerous

I don’t want to talk about how divorce affects the country's demographics. I think for someone who is looking for an opportunity to deal with a divorce, this is of little interest. And I don’t want to intimidate with corrupted demography, urging not to spoil the statistics.

I propose to consider the most common personal states of women after divorce (we need to know what to deal with):

• yearning,
• despair,
• fear,
• uncertainty,
• disappointment,
• frustration,
• devastation,
• apathy,
• low efficiency;
• deterioration of health,
• reorganization of life.

Sometimes divorce affects self-perception so much that self-esteem falls. Fear of new relationships and repeated failure often arises. The burden of divorce can poison a woman's life for many years to come.

Divorce: End or Beginning?

Even in science, there is no unequivocal evaluative opinion about whether a divorce is bad or useful. What to say about understanding this phenomenon at the everyday level? Again, discarding all world problems, it remains to speak only about the subjectivity of the perception of divorce.

It is important to determine, dear reader, what ultimately divorce is for you. Who was the initiator and why? What do you possess now? Try to write down the following points in relation to you in terms of how it was in the family, and how it might look now.

1. Economic interests and opportunities.
2. Professional interests and opportunities.
3. Socio-economic status.
4. Hobbies and hobbies.
5. Self-development (self-education, external self-improvement).

And the key question: Has marriage been overwhelming you as a person? Maybe there is nothing to regret? Yes, this change is undoubtedly something new and unknown. But maybe now you can fully open up: start playing sports, go to a hobby club, climb the career ladder, cook, read and watch what you want? Are you sure that divorce did not open the door for you to a world of self-sufficiency and maximum fulfillment?

I dare to assume that if the marriage broke up, it means that there was something destroying and limiting its participants in it. The question is what exactly and for whom.

Among the advantages of divorce for a woman, one can single out the opportunity to improve life and psychological health, maintain personal dignity, and enter into new, enjoyable relationships.

I recommend looking at the situation not as closed doors, but as open ones. If it is difficult to formulate orally, then make up written columns "what was", "what may be." Relationships are usually based on self-sacrifice and compromise. So I think you can find a couple of motivational sips to see divorce as positive.

How to recover

You can successfully go through a divorce by following a simple plan. The points described below are rough guidelines, a framework for overcoming divorce. To draw up detailed instructions, you need to know all the nuances of divorce and former family relationships.

1. Begin your work to overcome divorce by identifying what is bothering you. How do you feel? What stage do you think you are at? What are you afraid of? When you systematize your inner chaos, you will notice positive changes: sleep will improve, approximate guidelines for work will be outlined. You will not see a huge question mark crushing you, but you will see many small, solvable problems somewhere under your feet.
2. Next, reveal your potential, your strengths, advantages, advantages, knowledge and skills. That is, find resources and tools to solve these small tasks. Evaluate and search, including external resources (useful contacts, support of loved ones, and more).
3. Analyze your steps constantly. Watch and be proud as you go from despair to independence and freedom.
4. Consider how wealthy you are in your own eyes. How realized are you in different areas? It suits you? If so, why do you offend yourself with insecurity and suspiciousness? If not, then you need to draw up a phased (from small tasks) plan for self-realization. It can include anything: get a higher education, take retraining courses, start playing sports, take pedagogical courses, change your appearance, and comprehend oratory. Do everything to please yourself first of all!
5. Similarly to the third stage, track the process of transformation, self-realization.
6. The final chord will be work on the return of trust, faith in love and relationships. Probably, at this stage you will be able to ask yourself not why you need it, but why. What have you learned from this situation?

Method "Confessions"

You can forgive and say goodbye to your spouse forever using the "Confessions" method. Write down the history of your family life on a piece of paper. Pros and cons in two columns. Read both lists aloud, analyze and summarize. Thank your spouse for all the good things (you can put a chair in front of you and imagine that your ex-husband is sitting there, or print his photo). And then I'm sorry for all the bad things. Then, in front of the mirror, forgive yourself for all the mistakes (“Svetlana, I forgive you for not seeing this person as a liar”). This will be the point in overcoming divorce. No matter how hard it is to say these words out loud. Believe me, your brain, having said: “Yeah, she finally forgave and let go,” will immediately start sending signals in accordance with this setting. You can do anything with lists, for example, burn the negative and keep the list of pros.

I'll make a reservation that rehabilitation after a divorce can take a long time. If you decide to really get through this situation productively, then you need to gain patience and strength. Of course, you can drown out any emotions with hard work, partying or deepening into something else. But sooner or later you will be left on your own. And then what? The points described above are aimed at helping you learn to live in a new way, rather than trying to constantly run away from yourself and the traumatic situation of divorce.

The goal of your adaptation is to achieve complete independence from your husband and his family. This also includes emotional attachment. I understand how much space a spouse took in your life. In fact, all life is closely intertwined with his life. Why can we assume how difficult it is for you now without a part of yourself, but you need to gain strength to regenerate the lost elements.

1. Learn and control your emotions. Sign up for yoga, learn breathing exercises. Learn to think first and speak later. Say mantras (phrases for self-hypnosis), count, leave the room for a while (to calm down). Learn to switch attention. In general, do whatever you want, but don't get emotional.
2. Go in for sports. The benefits of systematic exercise for the mind and body have long been proven.
3. Take care of yourself.
4. Allow yourself to do what you could not do before (there was not enough time, the husband was against it).
5. Exercise healthy selfishness, but do not forget about the interests of other participants, especially children. Give preference to constructive solutions to questions.
6. With a "cold" head, approach the solution of domestic, legal problems.
7. If nothing connects you with your ex-spouse, then you can safely just let go of this relationship and go about your life.
8. If you have common children, then you need to try to improve relations (of course, if the spouse is not dangerous for the child), at least as with a colleague. To do this, try to remember what united you with your spouse, name his positive qualities.

Independence is independence, but remember that if there are children in the family, then the situation looks very different.

What if there are children between you?

The situation of divorce is always complicated when there are minor children in the family. It's not about legal subtleties, alimony. This is a different area. My responsibility from the standpoint of psychology to illuminate another question: how to separate marriage from parenting and?

• There is a situation when a discord with his wife is projected onto the child, which is why the father tries not to see him at all. Here, unfortunately, you are powerless. You can try to negotiate with your ex-husband, convey the truth about the child's innocence. Some men are open to dialogue. But the last word rests with the spouse.
• There is another situation when, together with a divorce, one of the parents loses their children. Often, for example, the father is forbidden to see the child, although both parties (the child and the father) wish it. I'll make a reservation right away that if this is not your case, then congratulations and allow me to skip this section. If this is one of the pressing issues, then I advise you to read the material to the end.

Even if you are no longer husband and wife, you remain a parent. A child needs care, material and moral support, an example. Divorce does not eliminate parenting. I do not force anything and I do not want to offend anyone, but I must mention that removing the father from the child has no better effect on the socialization of your child.

If something like cheating is the reason for your dissolution of your marriage, then you are probably experiencing more negative feelings. And your desire to completely exclude your spouse from life is understandable. But please, consider your ex-spouse not as a lover or partner, but as a father. Was he doing his father's duty? Provided the children, talked to them, played? If he was not a bad father (did not beat or humiliate children, did not exert a bad influence on them), then allow him to continue to be in this status.

I am sure you are a wise woman and a good mother. If the relationship with the father does not threaten the life and safety of the child, then there is no point in breaking this thread. You are responsible for your child. And such a bold and meaningful step (to step over oneself a little for the sake of the child) is part of this responsibility.

On a note

Divorce has long been the subject of research by great minds. I suggest you digress and read the aphorisms of outstanding psychologists and psychotherapists for education for the sake of and to consolidate the main thoughts about the situation of divorce. Maybe it will come in handy for the status on the social network (we do not lose our sense of humor).

1. D. Gottman: "Divorce is better than a war-like marriage."
2. K. Whitaker: "You can become a former husband, but not a former father."
3. G. Figdor: “It is not the divorce in itself that leads the child to disastrous consequences for him, but the divorce that is not fully completed, that is, in essence, the“ unsuccessful divorce ”.
4. D. Wallerstein: “Every relationship contains the possibility that a wonderful savior from a dream will turn into its opposite; the angel will become an insidious and rejecting demon. The once idealized partner can turn into a dangerous, destructive evil. "

What else do you need to know about the intricacies of divorce? Find out from the video.

Outcomes

Overcoming divorce requires a conscious effort, hard work on yourself. It is necessary not only to survive the divorce, but to work it out. Remember the main goal is to achieve independence.

• It was noted that women more emotionally and deeper tolerate divorce, but quickly come to a psychological norm. The depth of feelings is greater for those women who received an offer for divorce, and did not endure it.
• Only 27% of women remarry. However, they enter into new relationships almost 100% of the time.
• On average, women go through a divorce in six months to a year, and men in a year and a half. I think this fact will add pleasant emotions to your confidence box.

I want to note that if not divorce, but marriage caused a serious one (there was violence, aggression and other antisocial behavior), then perhaps we are talking about a completely different problem -. That is, the fact of divorce brought undeniable relief, but the fear of a new life is associated with life in marriage. In this case, I recommend that you seek the advice of a psychotherapist.

And on the topic of overcoming divorce at parting, I recommend the book by Ye. G. Ryhalskaya "Love in a woman's life: the path from separation and loneliness to mature relationships." The author describes in an accessible everyday language the complex psychological foundations and aspects of a woman's passage through a divorce. By the way, reading a book is a great reason to turn your attention.

I wish you success in writing your new life chapter. I believe in you!

It is very difficult for a man to break the usual framework, and he does this after much thought and deliberately. But then he builds new relationships quickly, because he wants and is ready to be in the system with certain, given rules of behavior. A man longs for freedom and restrictions at the same time.

A woman, on the contrary, most often does not want freedom, but after a divorce it is much more difficult for her than for a man to start a new relationship.

The emotional state of a person experiencing a divorce from a husband or wife, in terms of the severity of the experience, is similar to the feelings that people experience when they lose loved ones. Time, as they say, heals, but not always and very slowly. To each of those who are now going through a divorce, I wish to quickly cope with this difficult ordeal and return to a normal, fulfilling life.

How can this be done? Let's first figure out what exactly a person feels in such cases. There are several successive stages in its emotional and psychological state. The first and one of the most difficult is complete rejection of the situation, her denial.

It’s not true, this cannot be! This is not happening to me. I watch a movie, now the movie is over, and everything will be the same.

Unfortunately, it will still never be. Your family has fallen apart, and the first thing to do is to accept the situation. A difficult but absolutely necessary volitional decision in order to move on. If you're having trouble accepting a situation right away, just admit it needs to be done first. Tell yourself, “This is reality. I AM will try learn to accept it. I AM want accept it. " Trust me, it works. Of course, if your desire is sincere.

The second stage can be called a period of emotional chaos... You want to find out why this happened, find the guilty ones, punish them ... You feel sorry for yourself, think about new relationships and at the same time feel that you cannot accept them now, enjoy them to the fullest.

For what? What have I done? He lied to me! You can't trust anyone!

I want to give some simple tips on how to cope with this stage and draw the right conclusions from what happened. It is important to understand that having a divorce in your life means that you are equally responsible for it. As well as the husband who "deceived" you (let's call him, for example, Michael).

First, this does not mean that you should not trust anyone. Even if there really was a deception, one should not consider all men (or all women) to be deceivers - after all, they are not responsible for the actions of any one Michael.

Secondly, if Mikhail did so unexpectedly for me, it means that I do not know something about him. Perhaps I judged him incorrectly, judged him by my own standards, but he has completely different criteria. Therefore, I should learn to recognize and accept the standards of the other person. To better understand him and thereby be aware of what is happening to him.

Thirdly, if a person leaves, it means that he feels bad. It took me by surprise, which means that I did not know this person and did not understand, but was fixated on myself and my desires. But he, in turn, stopped believing in our joint happiness.

Fourthly, if a person has stopped believing in our joint happiness, it means that he has stopped believing that I am capable of changing.

Having made such conclusions, it is easy to go to the other extreme: blame yourself for what happened... Very important! Don't cultivate guilt! It will only aggravate your suffering and will not be of any benefit. And in general, say goodbye to self-criticism. One should realize that one is not guilty, but responsible for what happened. And support yourself with words of approval.

For example, such: “Now I understand why this happened, henceforth it will not happen again. I am a wonderful person. I forgive myself sincerely. And I forgive that person. "

It may sound crazy, but trust me, it works. You may have to repeat this phrase about forgiveness many times, but at some point it will definitely work.

This is followed by a stage depression... She secretly, but constantly siphons energy from us. If you want to prove to the one who left you that he was wrong; prove to everyone around that they did the right thing; if you suspect everyone around you that they want to deceive you - all these are signs of latent depression. She will not allow you to say goodbye to outdated relationships, will not allow you to create others, transferring old unfinished and unresolved matters to a new life and new love.

To better understand how depression affects the psyche, imagine that there are cans tied to your leg. Whenever you try to move forward, they interfere with you, hindering movement and making annoying noise. The same thing happens in our thoughts.

If the relationship is emotionally incomplete, they create a constant mental background in the head, and the person lives in the past, and not in reality. Every day you spend the psychic energy released to you not on solving urgent problems, but on tedious and meaningless digging into the past. You continue to feel sorry for yourself, endlessly analyzing what was wrong, and fearing that nothing good will happen in your life.

Latent depression drains the vitality out of you. Get rid of depression in the easiest way: end an already broken relationship on an emotional level... Any method is good for this. For example, you can arrange a "funeral", farewell to the old, and then celebrate the beginning of a new life. Or somehow differently, let your imagination run wild. A new life is on the doorstep.

Remember, what you have loved in the past speaks of your ability to love. You will definitely fall in love again, and new relationships will open up for you. I wish you happiness!

Today is an important day. The most terrible thing in a woman's life. Or one of the worst. An uninvited guest settled in the passport - a divorce stamp. There is no more strength to hold back tears. They roll like bitter streams down an instantly aged face. How could he? How could I? How did she allow it?

Divorce, like a stigma, remains forever in the fate of a woman. The divorced woman does not appear in the most positive light in the eyes of society. She is no longer the keeper of the hearth, but its destroyer. It so happened that it is from a woman that our society demands compromises, self-sacrifice, modesty in desires. It is permissible for a man to be weak (after all, it's so cute), polygamous (real men have it in their blood), harsh and rude (a man paints a mat). And a woman is obliged to live with this miracle and manage to build a family nest. If she did not succeed (that is, it is normal to live with an overage male hysterical woman), then she is to blame for the fact that the “ideal” marriage has been ruined.

But the pressure of society is not as terrible as the self-flagellation of the woman herself. She blames herself for all mortal sins, looks for ways to restore long-extinguished love, in vain tries to forget about the unsuccessful matrimonial experience, scrolls in her memory the happy moments of her already deceased marriage. Such torment can lead straight to a psychotherapist or a bottle of strong cognac.

In order to move away from divorce, the average woman takes 1 to 3 years. Only after this period has expired can normal relationships be built. But what about now, when the pain from a failed marriage is like the stab of a knife, and a deep wound in the heart is constantly bleeding? How can you quickly forget about your ex-husband and stop hoping for a ghostly dream of restoring a marriage that only brought pain and disappointment? With a few simple ways, you can let go of your past love forever and go through a divorce.

1. Throw away all common photographs and his belongings. Even the best and dearest ones. This is a passed stage. You cannot build a new future if you constantly admire the past. An extreme and very effective option: burn all this stuff to hell. The fire will burn out the remnants of love, destroy the illusory hope of restoring marriage with the one who was slowly killing your soul.

2. If your ex-husband has caused a lot of pain and suffering, there is a simple and effective method of releasing negative energy. An ordinary pillow is taken, a photograph of the offender is attached to it, and then the pillow is mercilessly beaten. Thus, you can get rid of the hidden resentment that has been looking for a way out for years and accumulated in the soul.

3. Remember what you could not do in marriage: staying late with your friends, buying expensive things, having a cat, dressing bright open clothes. Divorce is freedom. You can afford what was previously prohibited. Walk until midnight, get Murzik, buy the most expensive manicure set you've dreamed of all your life. Now you can do everything.

4. Do not drown in everyday life. Take care of your body, nails, hair. It lifts the mood very well and removes a new image from depression. If you can't afford a complete makeover, start with your hair color. From blonde to brown-haired, change the hairstyle. After all, you divorced a blonde, and now you have become a completely different person with red, like a fox's tail, strands of hair.

5. Pamper yourself often. Of course, not every woman will allow herself to pamper herself with gold earrings. Start with something simpler. For example, arrange an evening of relaxation for yourself: drop a couple of drops of essential oil into a warm bath, pour aromatic coffee into the most beautiful cup, turn on your favorite melody. And so you can indulge in a couple of hours without a twinge of conscience. After such a pleasant procedure, do not try to do something. Better to go straight to a warm bed and see the sweetest dream of your life.

6. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and look like a beaten, abandoned dog. A pitiful sight frightens friends and amuses enemies. Switch to a different activity. No, you don't have to change jobs, but running in the morning is worth it. In addition to its health-improving effect, running helps better than a thousand psychologists. A person is distracted from unnecessary problems, concentrates on himself, analyzes his actions in the right light. If, for health reasons, running is contraindicated, you can leisurely stroll through the squares or parks, certainly enjoying life.

7. Don't shut yourself up. Often, divorced women isolate themselves from society, close up within four walls and cry. But this approach is disastrous. The more often we renounce joy and pleasures, the more we accustom ourselves to live without them. Try to always be in sight: go to a cafe with your friends, sign up for a gym or an embroidery circle. Firstly, you will simply have to look attractive and well-groomed, and secondly, communication distracts from bad thoughts about a lost marriage.

Divorce is not the end of the world. Millions of women have survived it and feel great. Do not pay attention to the sympathetic or judgmental views of others. They do not know the true reasons for your separation, they did not live in your house and did not see your family life from the inside. With roaring eyes, you will not see your new love, so you need to live with proudly lifting your head.