An adult man and a young girl: madness or an ordinary couple? The love of a mature man

I choose the "oldies"!

Old people - they are wonderful! © Thinkstock

Not so long ago in our section "Male gaze" was published an article by Andrey Sergeev "Why do men of age love young ones so much?" I offer you my point of view, the point of view of a woman who chooses middle-aged men.

Why I love the "oldies"

I have always preferred only grown men. And by the word "adult" I mean not at all the man who has already reached his majority. I mean a person who is ready to take responsibility for his actions. I mean a real man who has long outlived his complexes. By an adult man, I mean someone who is already over forty!

Such a man knows a woman well. He has enough experience and knowledge. He knows how to communicate with us and understands us perfectly.

Only an adult man can give a woman the greatest pleasure in bed. He already has enough experience, and he knows perfectly how to do it. After all, he enjoys love, and does not waste time thinking about how "cool" he was this time.

The main thing is intelligence!

And now the most important thing. That, without which quality sex is not possible for me. And it is not possible without intelligence. Brainless pretty boys turn me on no more than furnishings. They don't even look pretty to me. After all, empty eyes have never been a sign of masculinity. And a young, pumped-up body is just a pile of muscles. No more and no less.

Clever boys who have not reached the age of forty are most often a collection of complexes and not yet realized ambitions. They are too preoccupied with how they look in the mirror in front of their comrades and their women. In short, they are preoccupied with themselves. And they rarely understand what we want from them. And we want understanding. How can a person who does not understand himself understand another?

They give care!

All my grown men were very caring and touchingly gentle. They know how to look after and know perfectly well what a woman wants from them. Of course, they will not write declarations of love on the asphalt, but will immediately offer to send them on a romantic trip or take them to a good restaurant.

The material side of the matter has never interested me, but, you see, this is also important. Grown men are already wealthy enough not to offer you a beer on the bench.

And will help and advise

The wisest and wisest advice was given to me by my elderly friends and lovers. Worldly wisdom, the ability to look at a problem from the height of your experience. The desire to help in difficult situations - all these are the absolute advantages of an adult man. In those situations in which a young guy immediately fails, not only because of his irresponsibility, but also because of an elementary lack of knowledge.

In addition, adult men are professionals in their field, they know people, they have sufficient knowledge and intelligence to come to the rescue in a difficult situation. At least with advice, not to mention real help.

It's interesting with them!

And it's just interesting with older men! My men are always educated, smart, professional. They travel a lot, read and communicate.

They have already seen a lot in their lifetime. Therefore, they always have something to tell. And I am never bored with them. I can grow, develop and learn something new. And this is of paramount importance to me!

What are the disadvantages of an adult man?

Most adult men are married and have children by the age of forty. And this is their huge disadvantage. Even if such a man is divorced, the burden of ex-wives and children still "hangs" on him.

I have not experienced any sexual problems with any of my adult lovers. They all more than suited me in bed. And I did not feel the difference in age in this particular area.

A grown man ... He attracts to him like a magnet. He is smart, interesting, it is always interesting and fun with him, and if not fun, then at least just interesting to spend time with. With him disappear, as if by magic, all the complexes and constraints - it is easy to communicate with him. He will always find the right word to cheer and support if you are sad or lonely. A look, a word, a touch and you want to open up like a flower. To scent, bloom, smell and delight others with your presence ...

Grown man can give more than your peer, there is even nothing to argue about - behind him is the baggage of experience that he can skillfully and deftly apply in any situation. A man who has seen life feels confident and knows how to achieve his goal. Girls are very attracted to these qualities. Why? Yes, because every girl wants to see a strong, courageous and confident man next to her, in order to feel herself under the protection of a loved one.

By the age of 30-40, a man, even if he is free, has behind him a marriage or relationship with women (or maybe both), which means that he must understand women - in their thinking and psychology. From this we can conclude that he can read your thoughts and, using this, present completely unexpected and pleasant surprises, be the very person who will listen, and advise, and behave in such a way that you will remain completely delighted with his behavior. ... Not that young people who only demand, but have not yet learned how to love properly.

Why am I drawn to a grown man?

You can talk about this for hours, but the most important thing is that sooner or later many girls ask themselves the question: “ Why am I attracted to a grown man? Why am I bored and uncomfortable with my peers?". Now I will clarify right away that this does not happen to every girl, but only to a certain group of girls. Now I'll tell you more.

When I consulted on a forum for girls, girls often contacted me with the following question: “ I fell in love with a grown man. What should I do?“And I told the girls not only what to do, but also why it happens that instead of being attracted to a young girl, suddenly, unexpectedly, as if by wave of a wand, she falls in love with a man who is twice or even three times her age.

The first question I ask a girl is something like: “How are you doing with your dad? Do you feel a lack of attention from your dad? " These are the questions that answer the question: Why am I attracted to a grown man?

If a girl grew up without a father, then VERY often at the time of puberty due to the lack of timely attention, care, and affection, this attraction occurs. This cannot be avoided - the need for belonging must be satisfied! This is required by the body. What is a need for belonging? In other words, this is a necessity 🙂 - this is the first man in a girl's life and therefore we are looking for a companion, either such as the father, or his complete opposite.

Well, here are the most common answers I usually get from girls who fall in love with a grown man:

• I grew up without a dad. He left us when I was little;
• I grew up with my dad, but he was constantly busy (worked, traveled, ...)

There is a clear lack of attention from the father in the responses. And it should be - first of all so that the body develops correctly and does not experience a lack of something, i.e. was fully healthy.

What to do?

The need must be satisfied! Otherwise, the search for older faces will continue.

The first thing that can be advised is to find a dad and resume communication. If dad, for example, cannot be around (God forbid, of course, but died), then a stepfather is suitable for this role. Try to get closer to him spiritually at the level of understanding, sympathy, support, advice. Imagine that he is your real father. But you need to do this sincerely, because the more believable everything will happen, the faster you can feel: "Fuuh, relieved, I want young!".

The body must receive what is lacking, replenish resources in order to "stop getting sick."

At least one understanding of why this is happening (why attracts to an adult man) is sometimes enough for a girl to understand in which direction she needs to work.

Especially for readers Arina the Mighty

Young girls often fall in love with men much older than themselves. This happens for several reasons. Firstly, physiologically and psychologically, girls grow up faster, so at some point in time their peers seem uninteresting and immature to them. Secondly, adult men can boast of rich life experience, thanks to which they know how to charm the fairer sex. And thirdly, mature men take life more seriously, they can surround their chosen ones with care and give them a comfortable life. It seems that in couples where partners are separated by an impressive age difference, love and harmony reign. However, not everything is so cloudless, relations with a man older than a woman are fraught with some difficulties.

If you are planning to connect your life with a man who practically suits you as a father, you should carefully consider all the pros and cons. At the very least, you need to prepare for 7 common difficulties that lie in wait for you if you have an older relationship with a man.

Relationship difficulties with a man older than a woman

1. Generational conflict

Most often, the relationship between a young girl and an adult man develops according to the child-parent scenario. This has its advantages, because your partner will take on all the pressing problems and concerns. But at the same time, at some point, you will again feel like a teenager who fiercely defends his rights before dad and mom. A difference of ten or several decades in the eyes of a man automatically makes you weaker and more foolish. In addition, your personalities were formed in different eras, which is why it will be difficult for you to come to a consensus in some areas of your life.

2. He is not ready to compromise

Maturity automatically implies a formed personality. An adult man is endowed with wisdom and experience, which makes the relationship with him more comfortable, stable and calm. Most mature representatives of the stronger sex have well-established ideas about life, which seem to them to be the only true ones. But if it suddenly turns out that your principles or habits do not coincide with his opinion, you will have to compromise. The difference in views can lie in wait for you in absolutely all areas of life, from household obligations to your freedom. Here you can argue, noting that absolute agreement does not exist even in couples between peers. This is true, but the difference is that young guys tend to make concessions more easily.

3. Excessive jealousy

If you connect your life with a grown man, you will make him an invaluable gift. When dating young girls, older men again feel young, happy and self-confident. Of course, he will be scared to death of losing you. At the same time, a man who is in such a relationship, deep down in his soul, understands that at one not perfect moment for him, his chosen one may go to another. This storm of emotions generates in his soul a lot of fears and experiences, which very often transform into unhealthy jealousy.

4. Ex-wife and children from a previous marriage

Most likely, behind the shoulders of your chosen one there is a marriage and children from another woman. This means that you will never occupy the main place in his life. In addition, you may need to establish contact with his older children, which often becomes an impossible task. It is possible that the children of your partner will accuse you of mercantile purposes, believing that you linked your life with their father for the sake of a future inheritance.

5. Inconsistency of temperaments

Modern medicine has made a huge breakthrough, however, it is powerless over nature. No matter how carefully a man takes care of his health and appearance, he will age faster than you. First of all, this will manifest itself in a mismatch of temperaments, which will have a negative impact on your intimate life. If this does not scare you, and you are ready to control your desire for the sake of love, or you got a very passionate partner, think about the fact that one day you will want to become a mother. It may turn out that the potential father of your child no longer wants or cannot torture himself with such a responsible role.

6. You have no mutual friends

Perhaps the age difference is not a hindrance to friendship, however, it is unlikely that your chosen one will feel comfortable in your company, as well as you in his. A large age difference gives rise to a mismatch of interests and needs. Be prepared for the fact that when you and your friends want to go to a nightclub or a hiking trip, your partner will prefer to relax in the form of fishing or reading a book.

7. Parents are unlikely to approve of your choice.

Couples with a decent age difference do not shock society for a long time. However, a tolerant attitude towards this issue often ends at the moment when it comes to our loved ones and loved ones. It is highly likely that your parents will not accept your choice, which will result in painful conflicts, quarrels and resentments.

It may seem that the listed difficulties are an insurmountable barrier to happiness. In fact, age is not always a hindrance to love. History knows a lot of cases when the union between a young girl and an adult man was filled with joy and harmony. Just be prepared for the fact that in such a relationship, just like in relationships with peers, crises and conflicts can arise.

Recently, more and more cases have appeared when young girls enter into relationships with already adult men. In fact, the reason for this does not always come down to love. An adult man is an experienced person who has already gone through a series of tests, hardened, and has risen to his feet. The girl thinks that with him she acquires a ready-made groom, who will give her the Danish kingdom.

A man in adulthood is a person whose adolescence is far behind. But the girls do not understand that it is often much more difficult with such people than with their peers. As a rule, adults are people with ossified, conservative views, and they can no longer be changed. Love for many means little in the romantic sense that young companions expect. Such a man managed to draw conclusions, endure experience, and if he builds relationships, they will be the most serious.

Such a relationship is good because a man in years is higher than any boy in terms of acquired benefits. But along with worldly benefits and life experience, he could amass a lot of complexes and problems. And a woman, as Alexander Gordon once said, will have to justify the entire feminine gender in her person. You will have to build relationships with such men very wisely and carefully, and young passions, as a rule, do not understand this approach.

What to expect from a grown man?

He will undoubtedly be generous and forgiving any flaw. Most likely, he will be gentle, very attentive and will idolize his woman, since a new love will open a second wind for him. His feelings will be inexhaustible if you manage to maintain them. A young spouse will become for such a person a second chance in life, which he will not immediately believe. Such a person, most likely, has already been burned and therefore will be careful in the manifestation of feelings, but there is no doubt that they will be the most decent.

But one must understand that such a relationship is not ideal. There are so many difficulties in them that many couples cannot stand it. Much will depend on the girl. If she has the strength to endure and maintain such a relationship, maintain them and forgive the man for his fears, then everything will work out. A grown man is a wise man, but his wisdom becomes a brake on him. A woman may want to finally go down the aisle, and an adult faithful will still be in thought. Here, the correct approach would be to help him, and, having gained patience, gently push him on the right path.

It is necessary to understand that a woman for an adult is, first of all, an inner fulfillment. It should be interesting with her, she should have a soul and the character that suits a man. Adults of the stronger sex appreciate intelligence. Many girls become discouraged in such relationships when they begin to feel that a grown man is behaving like a father. And his love will really resemble that of a father.

Respect, devotion, trust, sincere concern - this is what a man in years will give his woman in full. But these are also the moments that he will expect from the chosen one. Adults are very demanding, not considering their young age. Of course, they will always take on all the difficulties and troubles, but they will expect order, self-control and responsibility from a woman.

If your chosen one is much older than you, then it will be difficult to get him out somewhere in people, evenings in clubs will be replaced by home gatherings, the fun will cease to be in noisy companies. If a young girl is ready to give up all the delights of youth and devote her life to creating family happiness, then a relationship with an adult of the opposite sex will be suitable for her.

Name: Maria

Hello!

Probably my problem is very common, but nevertheless, it doesn't get any easier. I love a very adult man, he is the same age as my father, he is married, he has children and even grandchildren ... I am 19 years old, I am from a too good family, I study at a prestigious university, but in fact I am not happy with my current life, I hate myself for being like that, I am very withdrawn and hyper-complex ... I don't know if this is connected with the problem or not ...

I'll tell you in more detail

It all started when I was 16 years old, I know this man from early childhood and he is very familiar with our family, he works with my father and therefore I see him quite often. Previously, I did not pay attention at all to this person, I just respected him, felt safe and comfortable with him, but no more, I did not even look at him (of course, he is much older!).

But one day everything changed and I will never forget this day, I remember exactly the date. Suddenly I remembered about him after the meeting (of course, the meeting was a working one and together with my parents) and began to think and imagine that he was here next to me, I suddenly wanted to see him, I don’t know why ... I had a high temperature then and I was sick (I don't know if this is somehow connected), so for several days I thought about him and these thoughts were pleasant to me, but I was very afraid to fall in love with him (it's impossible!).

It hit me like something and I suddenly began to think about him, without any reason, and I never liked him a bit, I could not even imagine that ... Does this happen ?!

A couple of days later I saw him again and before the meeting I was very nervous from the thought that I would see him, I could not even walk, my stomach ached very much and my legs trembled - to such an extent I was worried. And then I understood for sure: I fell in love! when I saw him, I tried in every possible way to drive this thought away from myself, look at him and think: “ffuuuuu, how could I even think about him?”. But it was useless, I really hit it, I missed him terribly and was just waiting for a meeting ...

Meanwhile, we communicated only at the level of "hello - goodbye" and no more! I was very tormented and could not think about anything else ... Rare meetings, just to say hello to him, became the meaning of my life, I just thought about it ...

Later, apparently, he noticed something and became more friendly towards me, sometimes he began to say something humorous, to ask ... I thought to myself only about how to touch him by chance, how to talk to him ... Then everything began to turn around rapidly, he began to hug me when we met, to say something, then we began to talk with him for a long time about all sorts of trifles, and the hugs turned into a habit, he himself destroyed the barrier of politeness and formalities between us, we talked at least as friends ...

But nevertheless, all this was at the moments of working meetings with my parents, until now, and we did not meet on purpose. The worst thing was that my parents noticed my interest and are trying to stop it ... But they do not bother me!

I love him for 3 years! And I understand that this is not a simple hobby, since it has not yet passed, although there has been no special development and we rarely see each other, so it would not be difficult to forget it ... I wander the streets, hoping to meet him by chance and be alone, and these 2 fatal chance encounters happened ...

1st just broke the barrier of formal politeness between us and we began to communicate in a friendly way, avot 2nd ...

The second meeting took place recently, after which I am so tormented ... He was a little (although maybe a lot) drunk and I met him on the street, at first he flirted, we walked hugging each other, said all sorts of pleasant things, and then suddenly he sharply reined in and asked himself me, did I fall in love with him? I said that yes, and then began what I was most afraid of - reading morality that it was abnormal, and so on and so on ...

Although he also said that he loved me in the beginning. I can't understand anything now! Firstly, he was drunk and how much to believe his words, and secondly, he himself began this conversation ... But he contradicted himself ...

Since then I have not seen him, but I really want to see him, tk. then I was in a stupor and could not express to him all the seriousness and depth of my feelings ...

I love him very much! I want to be with him all the time, even just sit next to him and look at him ... In general, I would go anywhere with him without looking back, I would have thrown everything! Yes, I would ruin my life because of him! I don't know why I suddenly fell in love with an old man so much ?! I know that this is not normal, but I can’t help myself, I constantly cry at night, I walk in a bad mood (((

I never had a boyfriend before, I never even liked anyone, I have never had sex, nevertheless, now I feel a strong need for this ... of course, I have a strong sexual attraction to this man, but I am sure that this is not only that! I want him to be my first man ... And I will never be ashamed of that, because I really love him!

I do not know what to do? I would be glad to meet a guy, maybe it would help me ... But the guys do not pay the slightest attention to me, although I try very hard to look beautiful, but as I said, I am a very notorious person.

I cannot get rid of this misfortune, this feeling itself will not go away, since 3 years have not passed already ... What can you advise in such a situation? It’s very difficult for me, I’m confused, I don’t like life, the world around me, nothing… without it….