Brothers and sisters. How does relationship with them affect adult life? Why adult brothers and sisters often cease to communicate

Ecology of life. Children: Sometimes you can hear how parents talk about their children: "Such different, as if not in the same family we grow." Indeed, why are there quite often children who have grown in one family are so different, although, by the words of parents, they grew in the same conditions? Of course, the formation of character occurs under the influence of many factors. But the order of birth of a child (senior, junior, medium) is very important.

Sometimes you can hear how parents talk about their children: "Such different, as if not in the same family we grow."

Indeed, why are there quite often children who have grown in one family are so different, although, by the words of parents, they grew in the same conditions?

Of course, the formation of character occurs under the influence of many factors. But the order of birth of a child (senior, junior, medium) is very important.

The first child in the family most often feels like the center of the Universe, but with the advent of a brother or sister, he begins to understand that the center has shifted, and he is no longer the most, most, most .... But if only it!

With the advent of the second child, especially if the first child is a girl, and a long-awaited boy appeared, most parents shifts responsibility for the younger of the older child, thereby making a serious mistake.By the way, it applies to the boys to a lesser extent, as they are involved in care for the younger child is not so actively.

The older daughter immediately, as if, ceases to be a child. With her brother or sister, it immediately appears many duties, and the mistakes performed during the care of the younger cause many complaints.

With enviable regularity, you can hear: "Well, you are the eldest!" The eldest daughter constantly inspire that she is obliged to play with the younger, help, give up (he is small!), To share everyone. As a result, the older daughter is formed the so-called "senior sister syndrome".

She gets used to the detriment of himself to put the interests of another - the youngest - above their own. At the "evil" (scattered toys, clothes) to answer "good" - to do instead of the younger, to clean behind him, to give up in everything. After all, in this case, it can praise and she will feel that they love her too.

All negative emotions that are tested by the older sister - jealousy, inner aggression, insult, internal resistance, anger on injustice - all this is suppressed and stopped at the root instead of understanding its condition and teach a child to express them in an acceptable form.

As a result, the girl gets used to self-sacrifice - gets used to, ignoring his own desires and needs, sorry, tolerate, forgive, please, and first the younger brother or sister, and then to everyone who is near, as such behavior becomes a feature.

Woman with "Senior Sisters" syndrome will never take the best piece from the table, Something will buy yourself in the last place, and even then it will often be a feeling of guilt.

Such behavior, as life shows, few people have gratitude, love or sympathy. Most often the surrounding will use such a person for their mercenary purposes.

That is why I would like to appeal to moms, who have a senior child in the family girl.

Please try to always remember that your older daughter, though the eldest, but also a child. Of course, she must help you, but you do not need to shift most of your parental duties on her shoulders, do not deprive her childhood, do not make a free nanny out of it, do not make you grow earlier than the girl, so that the girl does not make up complexes, and in the future she did not have any Problems with personal life.

It will be interesting for you:

Try to make friends your children, raise them really native people,try to love your children equally, although I understand that it is impossible to make loved on request. But at least try at least externally treat them equally.

From this will benefit all the children, because the youngest, accustomed to an exceptional position in the family, in the future will have to be disadvantaged - it will wait for a special relationship from other people and, without receiving it, sincerely resentful and worry.published

Psychologists argue that in relationships between the elder brother and younger sister there is a certain dynamics. Models of such relationships are often shown in television shows. The girl walks with her friends, and the elder brother looks after it and protects it in every way. Sister can always turn to the elder brother for advice. First there are quarrels and disagreements between them, but after a few minutes they are ready to stand for each other. Including parents. And parents can confirm that it is in many ways the truth. When children play in the yard, the brother often stands up for his sister, and when the brother stands for the school football team, the sister becomes the main fan and does not miss a single game.

At the Rights of the Elder Brother teaches sister to distinguish the correct behavior from the wrong. Sometimes he even breathes his sister. In turn, for the sister, brother becomes the object of adoration. She would like to play with him and spend more time, but due to the difference in age, this is not happening.

Such a brother's relationship with the sister begin in childhood and continue over long. They like to be in the company of each other. They are having fun, watch movies together and play computer games. When some of them appears any achievement, usually the first to know the brother or sister.

Many women and girls converge that there are many advantages for girls who are possible only when they have an elder brother. Consider some of them.

1. Elder brother teaches you to understand in sports

Thanks to the elder brother, you not only know the rules for the game of football, which would never have figured out, but also the main teams. With the elder brother, you even start learning in the face of stars of football.

2. Elder brother teaches you to be tough in situations when necessary

If in childhood there were no all these conflicts with brother and hooligan tricks on his part, you would never have learned to stand for yourself in difficult situations.

3. In the future, you are easier to build a romantic relationship, because you already know a lot about male thinking

If the guy instead of a romantic dinner invites you to watch with him football on TV - you probably won't leave yourself. For other girls who have no older brother, it can become the end of the world.

4. You know what you were, if there were a man

Probably, each girl at least once thought about it, and only those who have an older brother know about it for sure.

5. You have with whom it is interesting to spend time during family holidays.

Not to mention the fact that you always get the right to choose a place in the bus.

6. Senior brother will always tell you the truth

When you want you to support and told you, you are the best, no matter what, you go to your parents. But when you need an honest opinion on some reason, it is better to turn to your brother.

7. But at the same time, the older brother will first make you a compliment when you look irresistible

When you come to a date, you may need a side view.

8. Senior brother will warn you from quarrels with parents, because he has already been in such situations

Thanks to the tips of the brother, you know that you can speak to parents, and which will inevitably lead to a quarrel. He experienced it on his experience.

9. Senior brother will protect you in front of parents

At the same time, he may say that you bring him some trouble, but when it is necessary, the brother will be on your side.

10. Elder brother will always help you convey heavy bags

With him, any journey or campaign to the store will not be in a burden.

11. You always have anyone to "cry in a vest"

Although he can say that he hates when girls cry (and it can really be like this), he always listens to you if you need it.

12. You can always get sincere council from the older brother

When brother advises you something, you understand that he says it sincerely, not from a feeling of envy or jealousy.

13. You have anyone to be proud

When your brother achieves success in something, you are trying to pride for him and brag about your friends. In many ways, the elder brother becomes an example for you to imitate.

14. Elder brother always protects you, regardless of situation and place

Younger sisters often hear from their brothers, that those are ready to punish anyone who offends their sister. And even when the brother lives his life, he is ready to come to you even among the night, if something threatens you.

15. With the elder brother, you can talk all night long

Summary: Conflicts of brothers and sisters. Problems when the younger brother or sister appears. Jealousy brothers and sisters. Quarrels and fights

Brothers and sisters in one family are a special community with their own development laws. And these laws are about the same for all times and peoples. For example, the experiences of the older child with the appearance of a new baby in the family. Or rivalry of the brothers, with a new sharpness flames in adolescence. Or the secret jealousy of the younger sister to the eldest, when she is already in full swing at the opposite sex. Some of these processes proceed in front of the parents (quarrels and fights). Others detect themselves wrong. What do you need to know about this and what can your parents?

Playing in the baby

Very acute children are experiencing the appearance of a younger brother or sister. Especially if the difference between the ages between them is less than three years. They often experience a strong alarm, exhibit aggressiveness. This is due to the natural decrease in the attention of the mother to them. But this is not less natural and such a reaction of the older child: to return the attention of mom, you need to become small again, behave like a baby.

Parents should try constructively referring to such a turn of events. That is, do not condemn and, moreover, not to punish for such behavior. Just give the child the opportunity to again be a baby, but in the game with certain rules.

The game can be left for 15-30 minutes a day. And it should be time exclusively to communicate mom and older child. She will not be distracted by phone calls, someone from home will look at the younger. In these half an hour, the eldest son or daughter is allowed to behave like a baby: drinking from the bottle, there is, sitting on a high stool, ask for mom to feed you from a spoon or point in your arms, etc.

You can offer a child together to see photos or a video, where he is at the same age as his brother or sister. Play with him in infant games. You can get clothes from which it has grown, its former toys. To tell how everyone was happy at one time of his appearance, his first smile, first steps, etc. Recall the funny and cute cases associated with his infancy. Takes can be the most diverse. The main thing is that the child understands: he was loved then and continue to love now.

Play so with an older child can not only mother, but also other family members. But it is better if at the same time there will be no audience. Play regularly while your little jequinist will not lose interest in this lesson. He can try to depict the baby constantly, and not only during the designated for the game. Let him understand: at an out-of-game time you wait for more mature behavior.

Stress: You are proud of what you have an adult, independent and skillful child to which you can seek help. But this does not mean that he had only new responsibilities. Give the oldest son or daughter to feel the advantages of their new position. For example, you can allow him to go to bed later or provide other privileges.

Is it possible to love everyone equally?

Modern education specialists affirm is an illusion. It is impossible to love all children in the family equally. Already because even if they are different ages (the upbringing of twins is a special conversation). So do not blame yourself if it is impossible to pay attention to all children equally. And how can this be measured? Especially since the children of different ages and attention, and love should be taken differently. The main thing is that there is no obvious preference for one child to another.

It is necessary to watch your reactions on the same actions and manifestations of senior and younger children. Anxiety and crying baby are perceived as a natural reaction to some inconvenience or as a manifestation of need. And the same behavior of the older child wants to be called disobedience and promiscuity. Meanwhile, he has its needs, and its reasons for discontent.

Jealousy brothers and sisters

Jealousy may experience any person regardless of his age and status. Most often, this feeling arises as a manifestation of low self-esteem, self-satisfaction, fear lose someone's attachment. It is clear that the child should not have a lack of love and care of loved ones.

On the other hand, it should not be formed by his sense of exclusivity. Gradually, he will understand that the concern is required not only to him alone. For example, another grandfather and grandmother, other close people. Then the emergence of another child in the family will not become a source of endless experiences.

Often, adults are more clearly and promptly react to the disrupted behavior of the child. And positive behavior perceive as something of granted. Some children understand it like this: it is easier to get negative attention than to work and do something good. Try to understand your child: it will receive a larger response and interest from you, if you behave approved ways. It is possible that after some time he will change roles with a younger child - it is more likely to take as a capriculus and mischievous.

Quarrels and fights

There is no such family in which relations between brothers and sisters would have been extremely smooth, without any problems. It is possible that when the difference in the age of children is very large - fifteen years or more. Feelings of helplessness and powerless rage at the sight of quarrel children are familiar with most parents. American Moms and Practical Psychologists Adel Faber and Helen Mazlish offer several rules to help parents.

Do not condemn the child and do not forbid him to show negative feelings towards younger brother or sister. Better help him to realize these feelings and show that you understand them, sympathize with him. For example: "I understand, are you afraid that we will love you less?" The child will understand what it is upset and disturbing. Not at all the appearance of a new baby, and the fear of losing a sense of security, which he made confidence in your inhabitant love for him.

Do not require immediately manifestation of positive feelings, it only enhances negative emotions. When the child calms down, good feelings will come by themselves. It all depends on your own manner of communication, from your ability to love and express positive feelings.

Teach children to express your anger, protest, bad mood safe and harmless to those around the way. For example, in a symbolic form: through a drawing, a modeling, a unsent letter, verses, etc. But not in bulky and not in fights. The drawing can be rented, break into small pieces, throw away, etc.

Strikes between children stop immediately, but try not to figure out who is right, and who is to blame. Just pay more attention to the victim. Try that the permanent roles of the offender or victim are not fixed behind the children. Do not accustom to the fact that any quarrel disassembled parents. Select a point where children are calm, do not conflict among themselves. Then discuss with them how to constructively resolve conflicts or disputes.

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