How to communicate with a shy guy. Confidential communication is the key to emancipation. How does a man in love behave?

Every person dreams of being happy, but sometimes this cannot be achieved due to excessive modesty. If a man or woman is lonely in life, then we can talk about loving shyness.

What is love shyness?

The term was coined by psychologist Brian Gilmartin. He wanted to describe the cases in this way chronic forms shyness. According to him, the concept includes a person’s inability to realize himself, to be persistent in situations concerning potential romantic or sexual partners. Such people experience fear and anxiety when communicating with members of the opposite sex.

How it manifests itself, why it occurs

Psychologists believe that love shyness in men and women consists of two components - egocentrism, excessive attention to one’s own platform, as well as low self-esteem. The latter in close contact with stranger causes feelings of embarrassment, shame and embarrassment. Trying to avoid these sensations, Lyuli simply do not start a conversation with people of the opposite sex. During dating, a person is afraid of being rejected, ridiculed, or seeming unattractive. This occurs even in childhood, most often observed in unfavorable families, where family members did not have a trusting relationship with each other, parents created complexes (emphasized the child’s shortcomings), and conflicts occurred between men and women.

How does a girl show shyness in love?

• they are afraid to communicate and flirt with the opposite sex;
• feel squeezed in male society;
• prefer to contact mainly women, if possible;
• usually a lady has few male acquaintances;
• even with a loved one she is not ready to have a conversation on frank topics;
• such women are embarrassed about their body, rarely use makeup, and dress modestly;
• in relations with a man they do not show initiative.

Signs of love shyness in men:

• most often there are few women among friends, and if there are, then communication very rarely turns into romantic;
• inability to care for representatives of the opposite sex, ignorance of how to attract their attention;
• sexual problems;
• lack of a permanent partner;
• emotional restraint, composure;
• To women, such men may seem like losers and mama's boys;
• as the relationship develops, they become very attached to their partner;
• in childhood they are characterized as withdrawn and melancholic.

Features of deviation

It is believed that sexual shyness is more characteristic of women than men. Modest ladies are perceived as pretty and attractive, while young people have a more difficult time in this regard. Their behavior is condemned by society, they experience many problems in life: loneliness, bad job, low income, low initiative, low self-esteem (for example, shy men rate their appearance worse).

In fact, representatives of both sexes are susceptible to the formation of deviations.

Psychologist Brian Gilmartin believes that 1.5% of men (or about 1.7 million) in America are shy.

Hollywood actress Angelina Jolie also suffered from shyness. She admitted this after filming scenes from the film Beovuld. The woman added that she even had to call her husband and justify that some episodes were played by an understudy.

How to get rid of love shyness

Here are some tips to eliminate the deficiency:

• acknowledge your shyness;
• analyze your personality, identify your strengths;
• give up patterned behavior, love yourself for who you are;
• draw people's attention to your advantages, and do not try to hide your disadvantages;
• learn to calm down in difficult situations;
• don't be afraid of awkwardness;
• change your image;
• learn to accept failures;
• Practice communicating with different people.

Question to a psychologist

Hello! I’m 19 years old, I’m a student... I have a boyfriend, he’s 22. We met him through the Internet, then we decided to meet. We’ve known each other for about six months. the fact is that he is terribly shy when meeting in person. I try to get him to talk, but to no avail. We live in different cities, so we spend more time communicating virtually, and in virtual communication he expresses his thoughts very well... we can talk a lot about certain topics, but during personal meetings he gets lost, cannot express his thoughts clearly and this spoils the whole impression of the meeting. I would like to help him somehow, but I don’t know how. Help.

Hello, Olga! You described the situation from your side - what is it shy behavior when meeting in person, it spoils the impression of her. What do you think: how does your young man feel about your personal meetings - does he experience similar feelings or not? You can talk and verbalize your sensations and feelings - this will allow you to convey to him what you feel (thereby you will also reflect your feelings). Perhaps he just needs more time to get used to the real you and begin to trust you. When meeting in person, try to talk (to give him the opportunity to talk) about something that interests him; you can ask questions (what he is interested in - let him tell you; about his city; what is interesting about it; questions about his biography: parents, grandparents, brothers and sisters, etc....); You can remember what you corresponded about and share your impressions. You shouldn’t press him and say, “tell me something.” You yourself understand that he is shy, so don’t point out this side of him (“why aren’t you so sociable”) - this will all shut him down. On the contrary, when he tells you something, listen to him, show interest (visually so that you can see that you are interested), do not interrupt. You can ask his opinion on any issue (“what do you think...?”). Try to formulate questions depending on the modality in which he perceives information. Let me explain: there are areas in which we perceive information. Someone is in the visual modality (in a conversation a person uses: “look”, “saw” - with such a person, when formulating a question, you can use: “what did you see?”, “look...” - i.e. delta accent on visual images. By the way, most of them are like that! - it is quite possible that your young man is like this - by correspondence he explains everything quite well, thereby he sees that he is writing to you). There are auditory ones (“I heard”, “listen”... and formulate questions to them: “what did you hear?”). There are kinesthetics - these are sensual ("I feel", "I feel", formulate questions: "what did you feel then, felt"). By learning its modality and asking questions correctly, he can hear and understand you. Of course, you shouldn’t put the main emphasis on modality - basically, of course, these are questions (the tactics outlined above). The main thing is DO NOT pay him attention to this so that he no longer withdraws. Perhaps it’s already hard for him, and if you put pressure on him, he will close down (feel unsure of himself). On the contrary, let him know that his opinion is authoritative, significant, and interesting for you.

Olga, good afternoon. Try to discuss this issue with your boyfriend, tell him about your feelings, thoughts, sensations, because when we present ourselves to another, we become clearer and therefore safer, thus evoking more trust. Communication should be open and “transparent”. Can you trust your boyfriend yourself? Open yours inner world It’s not easy for someone else, but still take a risk, try it and maybe he’ll want the same. If not, then ask him. Pay attention to how and what you say, in what tone, whether you express your thoughts clearly enough (after all, what is obvious to you is not the fact that it is the same for someone else). It is important that this does not sound like a reproach or accusation, but rather there should be sincere interest on your part (try to find something that is really interesting to you) and a desire to understand the other, his inner world, his feelings. Look, ask him when he is at least a little less embarrassed, when he is more embarrassed and what this might be connected with, how does your behavior affect his shyness, what helps him feel better? Make it a fun exploration together :) Good luck!

The beginning of a relationship often lays the foundation for its future. AND correct behavior girls increases the chances of long-term communication, which will move to a more serious level. But what should you do if you meet a shy guy? Should we maintain a given tone and not rush things, or should we be persistent in developing relationships?

The answers to these questions depend on many factors that you should consider when deciding how to communicate with a shy guy.

If a guy is very shy, possible reasons

So, when choosing a behavior strategy, first of all, you need to determine why the young man is shy. There are three main reasons for this behavior that girls should know:

1. Trait. If a guy is very shy not only with you, but also in any company, then he is most likely an introvert. For such people, isolation is characteristic, they feel comfortable alone with themselves more than among people. Their immediate circle is very narrow, and you will have to accept isolation until you get into it.
2. Doesn't want to show his affection. In fact, the stronger sex is often shy before beauty. Therefore, if you see that a guy is shy, it is quite possible that he simply does not want to demonstrate his feelings too clearly. Just give him time and he will open up to you.
3. Doesn't like you, but doesn't want to talk about it directly. Very rarely do young people decide to open conversation and, moreover, it is not so easy to tell someone that you don’t like him. Therefore, it is quite possible that his isolation is just a way to push you away without initiating a break in the relationship.

These are the three most common reasons why a guy acts withdrawn with you. Before deciding how to behave further, it is necessary to find out exactly which of these factors determines behavior young man.

How to find out what a shy guy likes

If a young man is in no hurry to demonstrate his feelings, how can you find out what he wants from your communication? Signs indicating sympathy on the part of the guy will help with this.

Secret sympathy is also indicated by such signs as hidden excitement, beads of sweat on the face, and slightly forced laughter. In addition, monitor the behavior of his friends, who are exactly aware of the young man’s object of interest. If they make jokes in your presence, you can most likely judge whether they have feelings for you.

Thus, if you come across a shy guy, signs of sympathy will help you determine his attitude and decide how to proceed.

The guy is very shy, what should I do?

So that your communication not only continues, but also moves to new level, it is necessary to overcome the young man’s isolation.

So, how to win over a shy guy?

1. Start communication via SMS or social networks. Absence personal contact will allow the young man to relax.
2. When you decide it's time for face-to-face communication, proceed with caution. Think in advance about what exactly you will talk about during the date, and don’t forget to find out more about his interests. This preparation will help you win him genuine interest to yourself.
3. A lot depends on the first meeting. So if you are interested how to liberate a guy if he is shy, make a date in a public place. A conversation over a cup of coffee in a cozy cafe where there are other visitors will be much preferable for a young man than a walk in the park alone.
4. Ask more questions. Everyone loves to feel interested in their personality, and for a shy guy this is especially important. In addition, this tactic is also useful for the girl; she learns more about her chosen one. At the same time, avoid provocative questions, behave calmly and balanced. This way you will create an atmosphere of comfort that will help the young man to relax.
5. Never ask the question, “Are you always this modest?” This will only put the guy in an awkward position and make him want to end the meeting as quickly as possible.

This is what the list of first steps looks like in the question of what to do if a guy is shy.

How to consolidate success

It’s not enough to meet a handsome young man and understand that he also liked you. It is necessary to build a line of behavior so that the relationship moves into a more serious phase.

1. Don't forget that girls are the weaker sex. Let the young man feel like your protector and helper. Ask him for help in a matter that he clearly understands. After the problem is resolved, do not forget to thank him and sincerely rejoice at how lucky you are to have him.
2. Find some common hobby. Not only will this give you the opportunity to spend more time together, but it will also give you more points contacts. This means that you will become much closer by doing a common thing.
3. Try to get to know his friends. Show yourself in better light, making it clear that you the best choice for your boyfriend. Don't forget what smaller circle close people, the more valuable their opinion is.

A lot in a relationship depends on the girl; your correct behavior will be the key to long-term communication with a shy guy.

What not to do

If you notice obvious signs that your communication is moving to a new level and you are one step away from official status his girls, consider what mistakes to avoid.

1. Don't offer sex first. Even the shyest young man will find an opportunity to hint about his desire for a close relationship. Your initiative in this issue It might just scare him away.
2. Don't start serious conversations on the topic of your status in his life. Remember, men don't like to talk about relationships. They prefer to show their feelings through actions rather than words.
3. Don't be intrusive. Don't forget, if isolation is a character trait of a young person, you are dealing with an introvert. And they need to periodically take a break from society. Be understanding about this feature and give your boyfriend personal space.
4. Don't try to make him jealous on purpose. Men don’t like to sort things out, and introverts even more so. In addition, such behavior can dramatically change a guy's opinion of you in a negative direction.

Calm – distinguishing feature closed people. It guarantees the absence of constant scandals and quarrels. This is why girls love shy guys. If you behave correctly, you can build a very comfortable relationship with such young people.

If the girl is too shy

We overheard what dating experts advise girls to ease the awkwardness of dealing with a guy who is speechless when he sees you.

1. Girls overestimate the intelligence of guys.

If you saw someone you liked in a club or at a concert and smiled at him, letting him know that you would like to meet him, he may think that you smiled at anyone but him.

(Although it also happens the other way around: you shoot a cigarette from a young man, and he conspiratorially whispers to a friend: “Got it, right? She wants me!” No, honey, I just wanted a cigarette.)

What to do? Be more direct. Come and speak. After half an hour, he will begin to suspect that you were not smiling at his neighbor at the bar.

2. Girls underestimate guys' indecisiveness.

If he spoke to you, it’s probably for a reason. Either he liked you, or he's really looking for a way to get to the library at three in the morning.

What to do? If the guy is nice, but confused and doesn’t know what else to say, and clearly doesn’t want to leave you and is hesitating, help him, give him a topic. For example, ask a question about him: does he come here often? What does he do?

3. A good first date is short.

If you decide to spend time together for the first time, don’t make plans that will take a lot of time: you may not like each other, and it will be awkward for both of you to leave early.

What to do? It’s safer to just agree to drink coffee and chat a little, for example. If everything goes wrong, you won’t have to suffer all evening. If mutual interest flares up, you’ll chat to your heart’s content. Again, there is less chance that one of you, out of excitement, will have time to blurt out something stupid that will disappoint the other. If both of you don’t want to part at all, it’s up to you to come up with something on the fly.

4. Don't judge him harshly.

If you generally like him, but he made a small mistake - he made an awkward joke or was too carried away by the names of the players of his favorite team - give him a chance. Most people experience excitement in the company of the person they are attracted to.

What to do? Give it a discount.

5. An awkward pause is not a big deal.

This is not the first time you have met. We sat and talked. You listened to him and asked leading questions. And suddenly you both fell silent, and there was an awkward pause.

What to do? Pause and look him straight in the eye until he becomes embarrassed. It is possible that he cannot stand it and decides to relieve the awkwardness with a kiss.

6. Sober sex means more serious relationships.

Many men do not take seriously a girl with whom they became close after sharing libations. And it’s so easy to accidentally tamper with it while trying to remove the clamp.

What to do? This doesn't mean you can't have a glass of wine before taking the next step. The cause-and-effect relationship is important (well, in moderation, of course): it’s one thing when you drink to relax a little before sex. Another is when you had sex because you were too “relaxed” from the wine.

Do you like a shy guy? Yes, at first it may be difficult to talk to you, but just remember that behind the wall of silence there is a person just like you. You just have to get past that barrier and you'll find that you love what's behind it. Remember that most shy people don't open up right away. Following these points is unlikely to achieve results within a few days, so be prepared to spend a little time and effort to get him to open up to you.

Steps

Walk up to him in passing and strike up a small conversation. Remember: as already said, shy people the same as the others; they won't run away if you do quick action. Small talk is generally more objective and can consist of topics such as the weather, teachers, something in the news, etc. If he really likes you, he won't be able to stop thinking about you.

Try talking to him several times a week. By talking to him a few times a week, you can build a connection and he may start to break down his wall for you. After a small conversation, you should start moving towards more personal topics: family, travel, plans for summer rest, his hobbies and other casual but personal topics.

Check his feelings and hint that you like him. After you've chatted for a while, take the conversation to a more personal level. Perhaps talk about what each of you looks for in people, and hint that he is exactly the one you are looking for.

After some time, adjust physical contact, but make sure he's okay with it. You don't need to ask him how he feels about being touched, just do it once and watch his reaction. A touch or pat on the shoulder will do. If you think he doesn't like it, refrain from touching him until you're sure he's more comfortable with you. If you see that he doesn't mind, you can continue to touch from time to time. Don't go too far; hugs (when needed), light touches on his arm and pats on the shoulder are just what is needed.

Invite him somewhere. It's better to do it in private and one-on-one. And don't even think about asking around close friends, otherwise he might feel awkward, as if he's being forced to say yes. You want him to say yes because he wants it, not because he has to. He may also say no if he feels pressured, so be careful.

If he agrees, keep the meeting simple. Hike to public places, most likely, not at all for him. Offer to watch a movie at your house (even though he may be afraid of meeting your parents) or something else away from people. You can also suggest going to a quiet place for lunch to eat and chat.

Each person has his own “I”. If necessary, find a way to improve his self-esteem. Make him feel comfortable with you.

Make him feel competent by asking him to help with something. This could be problems around the house or a request for advice on where to buy the most new gadget. Anything as long as it works.

Be genuinely interested in him. Because modest guys are guys too! Find out what his hobbies or interests are. Or talk about common interests. DON'T PRETEND TO LIKE SOMETHING! But ask open questions about his interests. This will help position you as a good listener, try to get to know him better and you will be much less likely to say something stupid (if you did say something, like 99% of us do, forgive yourself for it).

Be responsive and attractive, but not too stunning or vulgar, so as not to turn him off. Most guys prefer cute girls to chic girls because they think they are very beautiful girls not in their category. This directly relates to shy guys who don't have the confidence to take the first step. I'm not saying it's a bad thing to look very, very, very stunning. But don't pay too much attention to it. This is not the time for new fashions or excessive makeup.

1. Throw a small party, inviting a few people you know he'll feel comfortable with. Have fun, play games to break the ice, stuff like that.

   • No need to overlay thick layer makeup to impress him. Good conversation and making contact will impress him much more, but if you still think you need to put on makeup, he's not worth it. The guys you want to date should like you for who you are.
   • Try to become his friend first. Shy guys would rather like a girl who is close to them than an inaccessible one who keeps her distance.
   • He may be intimidated by the group of friends that surround him, which will reduce your chances of him approaching you. If you are going to approach him yourself, do it when you are alone. Most likely, this will make him feel comfortable.
   • Find something to praise about him. Flattery works wonders... the main thing is to do it unobtrusively and sincerely.
   • One really sincere compliment to the place can affect the progress in your relationship.
   • A shy guy may not show his interest when talking to you, but keep trying.
   • Make sure he is comfortable with your actions. If you try to jump from a simple conversation to a personal one, and the transition seems too fast for him, he will begin to feel uncomfortable, and you may push him away. You should only move on to personal topics when you see that he is comfortable talking to you.
   • If you want him to invite you somewhere, try to become friends with him so that he feels free to be close to you, but not too close. He wants to see you as a mystery that he dreams of solving.

   Warnings

   • Don't be surprised if you get a short answer; Shy people are often taciturn.
   • First of all, DO NOT flirt or date other guys unless he knows and/or approves; it can also completely destroy his self-confidence and he will feel rejected. Shy guys are almost always emotionally sensitive.
   • A modest guy may have low self-esteem. Don't leave him immediately after you get him, otherwise you may completely destroy his self-confidence and trust in people who will try to treat him well.
   • When starting a conversation after you've become friends, choose topics about things he likes, such as games or sports and the like.
   • Shy people can be intimidated by public places.
   • Don't be annoying or clingy.
   • Don't count on intimacy just yet.
   • Don't play team games because modest guy will be depressed and closed.