How can a husband hate a mistress. I hate my husband's mistress, how to calm down? Now I want to get a divorce

I hate my husband's mistress, how to calm down?

There is no point in hating her, it is quite possible that she is an ordinary woman who also wanted happiness, and not an insidious temptress. Men know how to describe their marital status in this way, they can say that he has not slept with his wife or has not lived for 5 years, that his wife is a slob and smells bad from her and he lives only for the sake of children, that his wife is confined to a hospital bed, etc. ., sometimes you are amazed at their lack of principle. So is it possible to hate your husband much more productively? Then you will either part with him, or find out the relationship, that is, somehow clarify the situation and your future life. Think for yourself - what woman would start dating a married man if he told her right away - I will just waste you sometimes ... without obligations, but don't even hope for more, I love my wife and my family is dear to me. I'm afraid while you hate this mistress, your husband will find another. So you will hate and destroy yourself all your life. It is necessary to solve the problem within your family.

find yourself a lover. sounds silly, but it really helps. you will absolutely not care, you will live with your meetings, and not be hysterical over some aunt. and do not be tormented by remorse, since the husband allowed himself this, then let him receive it in full. maybe a normal man will turn up for you and you will generally spit on your offenders.

You know, most likely your mistress hates you too. And accordingly you are her. And it would seem, why do you hate each other? What have you got to do with her here? You haven't done anything bad to each other. But the man did you bad. Both. So you don't hate a man? I don't know if you live with him and he went to his mistress, or he left altogether. But you each of you deserve to be happy and loved. Of course, you don't have to directly love your rival. But think about why this is the case. And what do you want, what kind of ending. Hate is the biggest delusion. Here is an example for you: my husband had a mistress, he even wanted to go to her, but he somehow doubted, hesitated, decided everything .. As a result, he stayed with his wife. And the wife, at a time when their relationship was not going well, met a man and the comparison with the returned husband was no longer in favor of this husband. And she is now married and lives, is doing, in love. And his mistress hated him. Glad to accept but cannot. Too much negativity has accumulated. So the man remained at the broken trough. Here's a topic for thought ... Maybe your happiness is on the way ... Let go of hate. Already if you do not fall in love with your rival, well, at least take pity, too, because an unfortunate woman. And as long as you have hatred in your heart, you will not be able to see the whole situation for real.

You will hate yourself and become a mistress. Life is a boomerang. And you will be hated the same way. Boomerang's law. it is your husband's choice. Which you yourself have chosen. And he chose another. There is a song we choose, we choose. Leave her alone. there and without you everything will collapse someday. When she finally meets a decent person.

In general, a strange question for me, to know that my husband has a mistress and continue to live with him? Women are you talking about ??? Only the unsure of herself can allow her husband such a "luxury", why do you live for the sake of money, children ???
It seems to me that it is very humiliating that he does not weave to you there, and no matter what arguments you give to justify him.
Although I know couples who live together, everyone changes and also celebrates the anniversaries of their life together. I couldn't!
This is no longer love, but living together.

Poor thing, you won't calm down here, I think! \u003d (

Leave or exchange with your husband! Do you get drins ?!

Do you love your husband for walking away from you? Apparently, loyalty is not your husband's strong point. You have several options: 1. Show yourself that you are a "wise" woman and continue to suffer and continue to eat away at yourself from the inside with hatred, losing beauty and health; 2. Put a suitcase with her husband's underpants and socks outside the door and send her husband to all four sides; 3. Get a lover (at least it will be fair). I am for the second option, but what you do is, of course, only you decide!

Get a lover.

You see the question that someone from the site users asked the Universe, and the answers to it.

The answer is either people who are very similar to you, or your complete opposites.
Our project was conceived as a way of psychological development and growth, where you can ask for advice from "similar" and learn from "very different" things that you do not know or have not tried.

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It is not possible to extinguish hatred for the former mistress of your spouse in yourself. He terminated all relations with her, but the consequences greatly affected our marriage in terms of everything financial and, first of all, morally. During the period of their relationship, this woman managed to lead him into big debt troubles, in connection with which he still has to pay off all his debts, and this greatly affects the financial situation of our family. I am patient with everything that happens.

Glory to Allah, our relations have become much better, respect has appeared for each other, he has become more caring, and I am showing patience. But sometimes, when, because of his debt tie, I have to save a lot on family expenses, it becomes very insulting that my children and I are suffering because of her greed. And everything is fine with her, and she does not need anything. Help me, advise what to read or comprehend in order to forgive her. Sometimes there is internal aggression and hatred towards her, because inside, deep down, I have not forgiven her. And now every time I suspect my husband that he still maintains contact with her, although I know that he does not.

Religiously:

In order for you to succeed in extinguishing hatred towards this person, you need to sincerely, for the sake of Allah, forgive him. On the Day of Judgment, this person will answer before Allah for all his actions. Trust in Allah and try to forgive, for this you will receive a great reward from the Almighty. The Almighty in the Qur'an says (meaning): “ Hold on to forgiveness, encourage goodness, and distance yourself from the ignorant "(Surah Al-Araf, ayat 199).

The hadith says: “ Forgive the person who made you zulm (zulm - "oppression, oppression") ».

Anas (may Allah have mercy on him) tells how a Jew came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him!) With poisoned meat. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him!) Learned about this through an angel and did not eat. He told the woman that her meat was poisoned. The Jewess replied that this was indeed so, and she came to kill Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him!). The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him!) Only said that Allah would not allow this, and released the villain.

People who forgiven, on the Day of Judgment will be called "ahlulhak" - "possessors of high dignity." The hadith says: “ On the Day of Judgment, a voice will be heard: “Ayna ahlulhak (ie, where are those who forgave)? Holders of high merit, enter Paradise. ” And then those who forgave will respond».

Don't miss the opportunity to achieve this goal by following the Sunnah of our Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him). May Allah help you.

From the point of view of psychology:

For any normal family, the problem of cheating on the part of the husband always turns into a tragedy. This phenomenon is capable of poisoning family happiness for both spouses for many years and drive a significant wedge into their relationship. But be that as it may, the act was done, only a sore trace remained. First of all, you should pay attention to what is positive in the current situation. The good news is that the husband realized the severity of what was happening and decided to fix the situation for the better. This phenomenon is already quite significant in itself, since it is not uncommon that some men, sometimes women, do not realize the full severity of adultery, persist in this and do not feel their own responsibility for what is happening and for what it will eventually turn out for them.

In many ways, your condition can be explained by the presence of resentment not only against that woman, but also against your husband. The danger is that your husband, intuitively feeling that you have not completely forgiven him, will constantly feel guilty before you and see a mute reproach in your eyes. Yes, his deed is blameworthy, but his own feelings must be taken into account. It is likely that he has long regretted what happened many times and is looking for forgiveness and understanding in you. But the constant feeling of guilt often develops into irritation and, as a result, into aggression. This happens quite often. Now, more than ever, your husband does not need reproaches from you, but support.

Of course, you can say that you have forgiven your husband and do not hold grudges against him, but at the same time express your negative feelings about that woman in front of him. How do you think your husband will feel at the same time? He understands very well that he is to blame for what happened, and accordingly, he will redirect all your anger to his own address. He will again and again feel guilty, reproach himself, and all this combined will not add to both of you family well-being.

As for that woman, there is no point in judging her motives now, since all our speculations will not fully reflect what is happening inside her. Do not think that she lives happily ever after on other people's money. Everyone has their own problems, and there is always a leveling out in everything, if a person succeeds in something, then, as a rule, he lags behind in something else. It is likely that you are significantly exaggerating the fact that everything is fine in that woman's life. Leave the resentment, your financial problems will be solved, there will be prosperity in your family again - be patient and support your husband.

Gadzhimurad Omargadzhiev
theologian
Aliaskhab Anatolyevich Murzaev
consultant psychologist at the Center for Social Assistance to Family and Children

I got married at 20. My future husband and I met when I was still in school, began to meet, then live together with him. I got pregnant, we got married. A daughter was born. Her husband loved her very much and still loves her. I took care of the house, studied, then started to work. It was difficult at times, they often quarreled, but they got by.

When the eldest was 6 years old, we decided to have another child, we wanted to strengthen the marriage. However, after the birth of their second daughter, things got even worse. The husband was promoted at work, he became the head of a new department. I sat at home with the children. Only when my daughter was one and a half years old did I learn the terrible truth. Since the husband became the boss, he has entered into a relationship with his deputy, a girl 6 years younger. He cheated on me with her for almost a year until she married another. After the site of her wedding, he went crazy, went into a binge, quit his job, made me a scandal.

His insane state lasted for almost six months, then he filed for divorce from me. It was insanely offensive and hard. Later, I left with my daughters from his apartment to my parents. I found out that his mistress was also getting married pregnant. A year after the wedding, she divorced her husband. Could it be because I was actually pregnant by my husband? I thought justice existed, I was glad that she received from life. Three years have passed since that time. Resentment against him did not pass, I was even disgusted to give him children at a meeting. But he regularly pays alimony, and the girls miss him. I grit my teeth and allow them to communicate. I knew that he met with some women and, despite all the insult, I wanted him to come back to me, so that he understood that he was wrong. The last time I took the girls for the weekend, they came joyful on Sunday, and began to tell that they were visiting the site of an aunt with a girl, they had a new sister.

I was shocked, I found out through mutual acquaintances that he is now. After all, a few years later it happened. I sobbed all night in horror and disgust. I called him, could not resist. She asked if her daughter was really born of you? He said no. But I love this woman, and I don't care whose child it is, I now have three daughters. I replied that I hate him and that he would not dare to drag my children to this wretch, otherwise he would not see them again.

I hate this woman. I don't know how or what she did to him. What attracted you? Hopes to get along with him collapsed like a house of cards. I would like to catch her and beat her well, but there will be problems later. It remains only to ask for help so that she will be spoiled.

Anonymous comments (8 ) to the confession "I hate my ex-husband's mistress":

Hello Anonymous. Hold on, hold on, but don't turn back. What example do you want to give your girls? A family where dad walks, mom suffers, but endures all this? Is it worthy of emulation? You have girls, they will absorb such a lesson and in the future they will consider male infidelities as the norm - this is how their father behaved, did not respect the family. Will you like this future of your children? And to add to this, imagine yourself and your condition - will you be pleased to live on pins and needles and in constant suspicion all your life? Is this the life and family you dreamed of? Yes, the Lord brought you and your husband together, gave you two wonderful children. But now the Lord makes it clear that your paths with your husband are at odds. Thank him for everything that happened. I understand it's hard, it hurts you from his betrayal, but you have to live on.
Today you need courage and courage, take responsibility for your life on yourself and do not look back at anyone. Change your life and do not expect someone else to come and make you happy for you. Yes, you wanted to save your family, but your desire alone was not enough. And would you be happy if your husband stayed with you ?! Rejoice. You are starting a new, happy life. Survive the betrayal of your husband and start LIVING. Begin to love yourself, to please yourself. You have a meaning for someone to live for. The world has not collapsed, because no one knows what awaits you ahead.
As for the husband: leave him, do not touch him, this is his choice, his right, God is his judge. Only do not turn children against him. Little time has passed for you, but everyone comes out of this cocoon. You too will find a way out - and very soon, I believe in it.
You will still be very happy, but you will have to work hard for this. I understand very well that now you are not up to my predictions, you only believe in one thing: the world has collapsed ... and you will never be happy. I promise you - WILL be sure. It's just that the Lord gives us the best for us, even through such trials. The pain goes away, just not through thoughts about him, you can't think about them at all. And think, I understand, you can only about them. Overcome, shout down, overpay, let the emotions overwhelm you, then emptiness will come, and then it will become easier. And your husband is no longer your husband, only his shell, and he is called the lover of another woman.
No need to damage anyone Author Leave them alone, they have their own life, you have your own. Do not live in hatred, as it will destroy you in the first place. Live on, for the sake of your girls. Everything will still be, because life goes on.
Understand that besides yourself, no one will bring peace to your soul. This is a difficult job. But anything is possible. Everything depends on you. Strength to you, patience and health.

Dear author. You must live for your daughters. Not to live a past life, it is no longer there, but to build the future. Forget them like a bad dream. I understand you, my boyfriend was stolen by a neighbor. I was just crazy, I wanted to wish them all evil, but over time, I calmed down, realized that it was not my man, and she had nothing to do with it. If he is, he would have found another. Well, let them deal with their own. Sometimes I remember him. But she left everything in the past. And you do not do any damage, it will then return to you and your children. You better pray, Psalm 90 and May God rise again. All the best to you. I believe that you will succeed, and you will be happy that you will get married! Find the strength for the girls.

Anonymous, I really sympathize with you. But understand, this is not your man, and you are not his woman. With your hatred you drain your soul and do not allow yourself to build your future life. Well, BZ does not love you, but loves his current wife. It hurts, but true. Don't dwell on it. And a man who loves you and only you, will still meet you!

I agree. Why hate him and her. This is not a love affair at work, this is creating a family, regardless of life's obstacles.

The author, you are in captivity of your negative emotions, so you think your husband's mistress is to blame for everything.
From the outside, your situation looks like this:
- "We met for several years, lived with him, I got pregnant, we got married ..." And your man was ready to marry you if you did not get pregnant? If yes, then why didn't you get married earlier? (It is likely that marriage
he has it not by feelings, but by flight);
- “We often quarreled, but got along.” This is an indicator that in your relationship with your husband there was no mutual understanding and “got along” it only for you, and the husband felt bad at home.
- "When the eldest was 6 years old, we decided on a second child, we wanted to strengthen the marriage .." I sincerely do not understand how a small child can strengthen a relationship or marriage !? This, on the contrary, is the most difficult period even for loving couples, a litmus test of their relationship. Apparently, the idea of \u200b\u200b"strengthening the marriage with the second child" belongs to you, (you decided to follow the previously proven path - heal - get married, heal - make peace, " maybe he won't get divorced "). At this time, the husband already understood for sure that you and he are different people and decided to find a replacement for you. The author, if you and your husband were one, then on a non-verbal level you would feel that it is happening to him, that he has become a stranger, moved away and It would be necessary to sit down and find out at least, without reproaches and claims, what does not suit your husband in you, and not live a parallel life. Probably, the reasons were serious, since there were quarrels, but you did not want to work on the relationship, delve into it ..
The author, you do not understand me correctly, I do not justify the behavior of your ex-husband, cheating is definitely abnormal and dishonorable, but in order to build a new harmonious relationship, you need to work on your mistakes. Between you, judging by the description, there was no solid foundation, it is natural that your marriage rocked from side to side, like a boat in the middle of the sea.
Apparently, you and your ex-husband are people with different worldviews, who do not want to work on problems in relationships, the fault of this particular mistress here is minimal for your marriage. If your husband did not suit you for a life together, then if not this girl, it would be different. Her fault is that she entered into an intimate relationship with a married one.
The author, your husband, after a divorce from you, continued to live on, and you froze your pain, despair, negativity, live with emotions from the life of your ex-husband. Want to take revenge ... Why do you need all this? As for spoilage, this is, in general, trash. Do you know that this is a sin? Are you sure that this abomination will not return to you and your children? Why, after a few years, did you not leave the past in the past, didn’t let go of the situation, didn’t take care of yourself and your children !? Think about it! How difficult it is for your children and parents to see everything that you are now filled with. This all repels men from you. Life is so short, youth is even shorter, and you are wasting it so uselessly ... Author, consult a psychologist, if you yourself cannot understand and accept all this, get out of your head this thought of damage and hatred for your ex-husband's second wife and start working on yourself , you have a lot of work.

Every woman, having learned about the existence of another equally beloved person in her life partner, will experience a lot of negative feelings. The first desire for revenge will be quite natural. But after a while, the woman begins to understand that emotions only interfere with making the right decision. Sometimes it is better to survive the betrayal and stay with your loved one. However, you also need to defeat a new girlfriend. How to get rid of your husband's mistress forever and still respect yourself and your partner?

First you need to be sure that your partner has someone. You must be armed with facts, not speculation, and betrayal must be constant, and not accidental one-time. You also need to understand whether you want to be with him after what happened, whether you can sincerely and completely forgive. In any case, life together will no longer be the same. But if you are sure of treason and want your partner to leave another and return to you, our recommendations will come to the court.

Do not tell anyone about this, do not try to ask for advice from anyone else, this is a family matter, and nothing more. It is better to figure it out on your own: the situation will be solved sooner or later, and all the initiates will have a sediment.

Take care of yourself. Change something in appearance, behavior, become attractive, smart, well-groomed. To do this, it is not necessary to spend a lot of money, many things can be done within the walls of the house: go in for sports, do manicure-pedicure-masks and so on. Interested men's views will instantly affect self-esteem, posture will become better, a more confident look. Next to such a woman, the desire to look for someone on the side will disappear.

Intrigue your daily communication with your partner, make you jealous, but dosed so as not to overdo it. When you become mysterious, you want to understand you. Take your thoughts with yourself and only yourself.

Do not sort things out, do not make scandals. Remain completely calm. Such behavior should only pleasantly surprise, but not strain or disappoint. Don't try to date another and try to figure it out. Remain calm and cool.

Become the most desirable woman for the chosen one, so that your husband leaves another and comes back to you consciously. If you know the one that crossed your path, study its features, which could attract a partner. Appearance, habits, behavior - any fact can go to your piggy bank for updating your image.

If your life partner is an owner and loves weak women, leave your job and become a housewife, ask for help and support, show strength over you.

Stop thinking about cheating, do other, completely extraneous things: repairs, a summer residence, children, find yourself a new hobby, go to a meeting with old friends, find new friends.

Live a full life, surround yourself with positive emotions, smile more often.

Present a romantic evening that turns into an unforgettable night so that everyone but you will be forgotten.

If you and your partner have always had a stable, trusting communication, discuss the affair with him on the side. Try not to act too emotionally or aggressively.

How to defeat another

What are the effective ways to get your husband to leave his mistress once and for all? We offer short advice from a psychologist, recommendations on how to get rid of an annoying mistress:

• Do not think of her as a living person, think only of the reasons that made your spouse go to her. Think about how to eliminate the reasons for the trip, and not the person herself.
• Try to get to know the other half from scratch. Imagine that your husband is a complete stranger to you. Discover new traits in him, study habits, admire him like the first time. Admiration for the stronger sex is very important.
• Relax somewhere alone. A sense of ownership will wake up in him, he will want to understand what is happening, to catch up with you.
• Load to the fullest. Let him repair the taps, change the light bulbs, start raising children intensively, start chopping wood - whatever, so that at the end of the day he is so exhausted that he does not want to go anywhere. And I just wanted to be at home and relax. However, do not overdo it - otherwise it will rarely appear at home.

• If your partner does not know that you know all the adventures, and you know another lady by sight, try to develop disgust towards her in him: tell something unpleasant, repulsive about her. Or about her untidiness, untidiness, or any diseases (most effective - venereal). About indiscriminate behavior or strange habits.
• If a friend turned out to be a new beloved, break off all relations with her, even if she convincingly explains her behavior to you. You don't need guerrilla wars.
• Let your loved one go to the lady of the heart for a few days. Usually they are not ready to tolerate a man in everyday life.
• If you have influence on the life of your rival, try to send your mistress away from your husband as far as possible. Business trip, internship, transfer to a neighboring branch, a tighter work schedule - any means to make meetings as rare as possible.

3 main choices

1. To deliver an ultimatum - so that the husband makes a decision. This step is usually taken from despair and in the hearts, and emotions are a bad helper. A man can tell you that everything is over, and at the same time go to her, but more hidden.
2. Give the right to choose a man. If you are willing to stay with him and forgive any wrongdoing, this path is possible.
3. Show that you feel good yourself. This step is only good if you really feel that way, otherwise the falsity will be visible. Don't panic looking for a quick replacement for your spouse.

How to understand that you are still able to restore and maintain a happy family life? If the faithful does not talk to you about what is happening, then he values \u200b\u200bthe marriage and is not going to destroy the family. If you openly told you everything, without hiding anything, you may have already made a decision, and not to your benefit.

If, after all attempts, how to make your beloved hate his mistress and return to you, you have not achieved the desired result, do not rush to resort to the services of magic. If the husband does not leave his mistress, this may indicate the seriousness of feelings.

Sometimes it happens that a man himself would be glad that his mistress lagged behind, but this will never happen. And he is already ready to gladly remove the other from life, but his girlfriend holds on tenaciously and does not let go.