True love. The psychology of father-daughter relationships

Maternal concern provides an opportunity for acceptance, while paternal care encourages bestowal.

Both are necessary for personal development.
A. Grames

The role of the father in raising a child

The father influences the life of his daughter from the very moment of her birth

It begins from the moment of conception, but not every future father realizes this. Each parent plays a role in the upbringing of the child and has its own influence on his future. Until a certain point, and sometimes for some time after childbirth, men do not quite understand that their paternity status has already entered into its authority. Giving the spouse the main role in taking care of the child from the first days, the husband gets so used to the fact that she copes with everything that he completely forgets about the paternal responsibilities that he must fulfill.

During pregnancy, and in the first months of the baby, the father's participation in communicating with the child can only have a beneficial effect on their future relationships. The influence of the father on the child before birth instills in the baby the first emotions and feelings for him. The relationship between husband and wife during pregnancy, after childbirth and the rest of their lives is no exception. The participation of the father in the child's life leaves an imprint on his worldview, the perception of people and some life events. Therefore, the point is not in underwear, but in upbringing. And as far as the dad will contribute to his baby from childhood, he will receive a mutual return in the future.

Daughter for father

For some reason, men underestimate their role in the life of their daughters, believing that their upbringing can be completely entrusted to the wife.

To begin with, the father is the first man with whom the girl begins to build her worldview in communication with the opposite sex. And up to a certain age, she gets the impression that he is almost the only man on earth. And the girl cannot even imagine that she will have to choose someday. It depends on building relationships with her father how she will communicate with men in the future, and therefore, her future life largely depends on him.

At the birth of a girl, a clear understanding appears in the mind of the father that he is the only one who can protect her. Most often, men are at first wary of their daughters, because they cannot answer themselves to a question like: "What to do with her?" But when they take responsibility for her upbringing and guardianship, they themselves do not notice with what pleasure they take care, teach, raise their beloved baby. After all, at the same time, each father will proudly feel himself the most needed, adored, authoritative person in the whole world and feel on himself all the touching and tenderness of children's love.

It is the father who puts into the girl to understand about the interaction of male concern and female weakness.

That is why the father is then so jealous of the appearance of other men in her life and it is so difficult for her to part with her when she leaves for another house. The love of a father for his daughter becomes boundless even in those cases when he has to raise his son at the same time. I'm not saying that dad loves one or the other child more. In general, I do not like it when love is given a quantitative expression "more or less." It's just that the basics of raising a son by a father have some difference and other goals: he invests himself in a boy: his masculinity, abilities, skills. The son is his mirror image, like men. Therefore, paternal love for a boy has a slightly different character than for a girl.

The impact of parenting on a daughter's personal life

It is with her dad that the girl begins to understand the meaning of men in her life, since it is he who must invest in her the concept of why she should be a woman. That is why communication with the father from its first minutes leaves an indelible imprint on the girl's subsequent relationship with the opposite sex.

Therefore, it is so easy for a girl to perceive communication with boys who are similar to her father and does not notice those who have nothing to do with him. Indeed, for her, the model of relations with dad is the ideal of communication between a man and a woman, so she simply will not perceive and understand the principle of other communication.

In addition, it is with her father that the girl begins to draw in her heart the image of her future husband. If dad is kind, gentle, affectionate, protects and protects her - she will look for just such a man, learn to trust the opposite sex and give her love. If the father is tough, alienated, aggressive, or even more cruel, in adulthood, the girl will be afraid to establish long-term relationships with men. And even more so to avoid tyrants. In her, the childish fear from a past life, which her father left in her, will make itself felt.

The main thing that a daughter requires from her father is a correct understanding of the relationship that develops between a man and a woman. In what ways she should feel weaker, what she should learn, how she should behave. Moreover, it will be much more effective if the father does not tell her about words, but makes her understand with his attitude. At the same time, a girl from childhood should understand that strength is a man's fate, and she should be characterized by some compliance and meekness in relation to the opposite sex. Precisely because girls are not explained this since childhood, in adult life they see men as rivals in the manifestation of their "I". And worst of all, they even understand the reason for their failure.

The guy who meets the loving father of his girlfriend does not always know what awaits him.

At the same time, the lack of participation of fathers in the life of their daughters and a lack of understanding of their role in their fate leads to the fact that men are simply too lazy to raise a child and see no other way out than to submit to her power. Their whole lot is only to pamper the baby, be led by her whims, to fulfill her requirements. They believe that there is nothing wrong with that, because she is a child. But in this way they just spoil her as a person. It is these girls who grow up into pampered princesses who believe that everything is allowed to them, and no one dares to contradict them. They consider their behavior to be normal and do not understand why men do not want to reckon with it.

A father who has managed to become the standard of masculinity, support and protection for his daughter should not forget that the time will come when he will need to shake hands with his “rival” - her future husband. Quite often, fathers react painfully to the chosen one of their girl, so they suffer from jealousy. Her father comes to memories from her distant childhood, when at the age of 4 she still did not understand that another man would appear in her life, and said that she would never leave “her beloved daddy”. And then, she began to grow up, and in adolescence it was he who first taught her to be confident in herself, when he dispelled her doubts about her beauty. He supported her in difficult periods of growing up and shore from the blows of the outside world.

Of course, the marriage of daughters is a natural and natural process, but not every father is able to cope with inner experiences. Many men almost arrange an interrogation for their daughter's boyfriend, crushing the guy under the assertiveness of their look and tone. Even the thought that this still cannot be avoided does not help, and he will have to marry his adored daughter. At this moment, a wise and caring wife should intervene, who will certainly be able to explain to her father: treating with distrust the groom of his daughter, he can cause resentment in her and ruin her relationship with her.

Video: this is what dad is like

http://youtu.be/S9cQbCbIvmE

So, it becomes clear: father and daughter have an inextricable bond throughout life, so it is very important to keep it strong and eternal, based on trust and mutual understanding. The role of the dad is fundamental to her happy adult life.

The question of the importance of parenting a girl Unfortunately, the society does not pay due attention to the fact that traditionally the priority is given to the mother's education of the daughter. And this is really so, however, there are those key moments of the upbringing of a girl, the responsibility for which lies with the father, and the mother, no matter how hard she tries, will not be able to replace her father in them. The point is what exactly relations with the father radically affect the formation of the daughter as a future woman, her further relationships with men and the choice of a life partner... All of these factors are crucial in a woman's life. Let's take a closer look at how the relationship with the father affects the fate of the daughter.

Let's begin with that father is the first and most significant example of a man in his daughter's life ... The responsibility is colossal. If all fathers were aware of it ... The paternal image and the relationship "father-daughter" in childhood set many programs and attitudes for the communication of an adult woman with the opposite sex. It is good if the settings and programs are correct and useful. And if not? In the life of a grown-up daughter, problems of a different nature can arise. Let's try to figure it out.

Suppose the ideal option: a complete family, parents together take part in raising their daughter, family relationships are harmonious, dad is wise and loving.

It happens that a woman obsessively seeks the attention of the opposite sex, is available and not picky in relationships, easily enters into relationships with men who show attention to her. She is looking for love and clings to everyone who will compliment her or an affectionate word.

Or, with her behavior, a woman all the time wants to prove how good she is and therefore deserves love. And her whole life turns into a continuous desire to "please him" in anticipation of attention and love in return. Some women torment a man with a constant question: do you love me? Or: tell me that you love me! Others suffer quietly and cry furtively in frustration.

It also happens that a woman is afraid of relationships with a man, does not know how to build them, avoids communication with the opposite sex. She "strikes" in a career, sometimes completely refuses her personal life and creating a family. Why does she need a man, the woman justifies, she is strong and can achieve everything herself.

There can be a lot of imbalances in the life of a woman who grew up without paternal love and attention. How many lives, so many unique experiences.

Many women, after reading this article, will say: so what to do now? Childhood has already passed, life has not turned out the way it wanted, nothing can be fixed. In fact this is not true.

The first , you need to - discard self-pity and regret about a failed personal life. After all, for some reason, the lessons of life passed were necessary.

Second , it is important to thank the past for the invaluable experience, forgive the father (in the end, he fulfilled his main purpose - you were born), let go of all grievances, look at your inner child with love, understand, grow up and start working on yourself. Life changes will gradually begin to occur. Health is very likely to improve. It's no secret that one of the most common causes of women's diseases is accumulated resentment against men, which is based on a problematic relationship with the father.

Since this article is more focused on fathers who have daughters, I did not set myself the task of telling myself how a woman can work on herself in order to learn to love herself, become confident and loved and, finally, change her life. This article is just the beginning of a conversation on a given topic, and I will try to sanctify it in detail in the following articles.

I believe that every father who has read this article to the end loves his daughter. However, it is difficult for men to emotionally express their feelings, because open emotionality is more characteristic of women and children. Therefore, in conclusion, I want to summarize somewhat the above and give

• Remember, a daughter needs her father's love as much as her mother's. It depends on your paternal example how her adult relationships with men will develop, whom she will choose as husbands, and, therefore, how, in this regard, her personal life will develop.
• Treat your daughter's mother with love. A daughter should see an example of love and respect between a man and a woman in the person of her parents. This sets the right basic model for your daughter's future relationships with men.
• Show trust in your daughter, talk to her about her problems, show concern, be near at crucial moments in her life, know how to step aside, respect her choice.
• Show warmth in your relationship with your daughter, hug, compliment, admire, give gifts, be sincere.
• Avoid overprotecting your daughter. With an excess of paternal love, a girl may develop a strong emotional dependence on her father, which causes no less harm than a lack of paternal love.
• Show understanding and sincere interest in your daughter's life, spend time together (visit the theater, go to exhibitions and concerts, arrange holidays; listen to the music she loves; be interested in what she is fond of; inspire her to develop and develop yourself).
• Be strict when necessary, but always wise and fair. Punish with love, without anger, explaining your actions. Never let yourself be assaulted against your daughter!
• Respect your daughter's personality, even if she is still very young.
• Be positive and develop a sense of humor.
• Be a worthy male example in everything! Encourage femininity in your daughter. Remember, you are the most important man in the life of a growing little woman - your daughter. She looks at you intently and makes life decisions at an early age. Don't miss your daughter's childhood!

In the end, I hope you will earn the highest reward - love and gratitude to your daughter and, most importantly, see her as a happy woman in the future. Good luck!

Coincidentally, I am finishing writing this article while TV is broadcasting "Anniversary of Tatiana Tarasova", at the very moment when Tatiana Anatolyevna says gratitude to her father for his love ... Thanks to the great father and great daughter for their great example ...

Unfortunately, the issue of the importance of the girl's father's upbringing is not given due attention in society, since the mother's upbringing of the daughter is traditionally considered a priority.

And this is really so, however, there are those key moments of the upbringing of a girl, the responsibility for which lies with the father, and the mother, no matter how hard she tries, will not be able to replace her father in them.

The fact is that it is precisely the relationship with the father that fundamentally affects the formation of the daughter as a future woman, her further relationships with men and the choice of a life partner. All of these factors are crucial in a woman's life.

Let's take a closer look at how the relationship with the father affects the fate of the daughter.

To begin with, the father is the first and most significant example of a man in his daughter's life. The responsibility is colossal. If all fathers were aware of it ...

The paternal image and the “father-daughter” relationship set in childhood many programs and attitudes for the communication of an adult woman with the opposite sex. It is good if the settings and programs are correct and useful. And if not?

In the life of a grown-up daughter, problems of a different nature can arise. Let's try to figure it out.

Suppose the ideal option: a complete family, parents together take part in raising their daughter, family relationships are harmonious, dad is wise and loving.

Of course, it is difficult to understand paternal love, it differs from maternal love. But even the restrained, not very emotionally colored love of the father is felt, perceived and absorbed by the daughter. A daughter for a loving father is a princess, this is his (and this is why) an ideal female creature: the most beautiful, most beloved, the most ... in everything and always, this is his pride, this is the light of his soul.

In turn, paternal love gives the girl a sense of security, security, self-confidence, self-worth; develops femininity, attractiveness, demand and success.

The girl grows up next to her loving father, realizing that she is worthy of love of the opposite sex. When a daughter sees, feels and knows that the most significant man in life, the father, loves and accepts her for who she is, the girl learns to love and accept herself, and, importantly, learns to accept love and attention to herself of the opposite sex.

A father for a girl is a whole WORLD. And if this world loves and accepts her, is always ready to help and protect, then she is not afraid of anything. She goes into adulthood without fear, with the knowledge that everything will be fine, she will always find support and support, because the whole world is on her side.

A positive program learned in childhood will work throughout life for the benefit of an adult woman.

Such a woman will attract loving men who will become her support, support in life and will show constant concern for her.

Another very important aspect of a girl's upbringing is the attitude of the father to the mother.

The girl needs to see that dad loves mom. By observing the love of a father for a mother, every child experiences a sense of security, joy, happiness and harmony in the world. Any manifestation of dislike for the mother on the part of the father causes pain to the daughter, which, accumulating, can become an insurmountable wall in the relationship between father and daughter.

Dear fathers, it is very important in relation to mothers to show daughters how a man shows love and attention to a woman. In this way, a girl forms a model of relationship between a man and a woman, which she will assimilate for the rest of her life, like all other models of relationships in the family.

If “love and attention” in the family manifests itself in the form of discontent, nagging or rudeness, this lesson will be learned: this model of relationship will become natural for a matured woman in the future.

You have noticed that our entire conversation periodically returns to love. If a girl feels a lack or lack of paternal love, she grows up insecure, suppressed, downtrodden, withdrawn or, on the contrary, openly aggressive, denying and suppressing masculine essence.

How often does a young and beautiful girl have to be convinced that she is a beauty, clever, worthy of love and attention of the opposite sex, while a completely outwardly inconspicuous girlfriend arouses interest in young people, communicates freely with them and does not complex about her shortcomings appearance.

The girl, who in childhood felt a lack of paternal attention and love, grows up with a sense of her defenselessness, with a fear of the vast world and the unpredictability of life. Everything is given to her with great personal labor, because she does not know how to ask for help, does not expect support and relies only on herself. Success in life becomes difficult. Personal life is also not easy.

Alertness and distrust of men often lead a woman to control her husband, suppress him, and assume male responsibilities. This is especially common in the case when the girl was brought up only by her mother, who “dragged all the hardships of life on herself,” or when the father was in the family, although the mother had to “plow” herself in relations with him all the time.

It happens that a woman obsessively seeks the attention of the opposite sex, is available and not picky in relationships, easily enters into relationships with men who show attention to her. She is looking for love and clings to everyone who will compliment her or an affectionate word.

Or, with her behavior, a woman all the time wants to prove how good she is and therefore deserves love. And her whole life turns into a continuous desire to "please him" in anticipation of attention and love in return. Some women torment a man with a constant question: do you love me? Or: tell me that you love me! Others suffer quietly and cry furtively in frustration.

It also happens that a woman is afraid of relationships with a man, does not know how to build them, avoids communication with the opposite sex. She "strikes" in a career, sometimes completely refuses her personal life and creating a family. Why does she need a man, the woman justifies, she is strong and can achieve everything herself.

There can be a lot of imbalances in the life of a woman who grew up without paternal love and attention. How many lives, so many unique experiences.

Many women, after reading this article, will say: so what to do now? Childhood has already passed, life has not turned out the way it wanted, nothing can be fixed. In fact this is not true.

First, you need to discard self-pity and regret about a failed personal life. After all, for some reason, the lessons of life passed were necessary.

Second, it is important to thank the past for the invaluable experience, forgive the father (in the end, he fulfilled his main purpose - you were born), let go of all grievances, look at your inner child with love, understand, grow up and start working on yourself.

Life changes will gradually begin to occur. Health is very likely to improve. It's no secret that one of the most common causes of women's diseases is accumulated resentment against men, which is based on a problematic relationship with the father.

I believe that every father who has read this article to the end loves his daughter. However, it is difficult for men to emotionally express their feelings, because open emotionality is more characteristic of women and children.

Therefore, in conclusion, I want to summarize the above and give recommendations to the fathers:

• Remember, a daughter needs her father's love as much as her mother's. It depends on your paternal example how her adult relationships with men will develop, whom she will choose as husbands, and, therefore, how, in this regard, her personal life will develop.
• Treat your daughter's mother with love. A daughter should see an example of love and respect between a man and a woman in the person of her parents. This sets the right basic model for your daughter's future relationships with men.
• Show trust in your daughter, talk to her about her problems, show concern, be near at crucial moments in her life, know how to step aside, respect her choice.
• Show warmth in your relationship with your daughter, hug, compliment, admire, give gifts, be sincere.
• Avoid overprotecting your daughter. With an excess of paternal love, a girl may develop a strong emotional dependence on her father, which causes no less harm than a lack of paternal love.
• Show understanding and sincere interest in your daughter's life, spend time together (visit the theater, go to exhibitions and concerts, arrange holidays; listen to the music she loves; be interested in what she is fond of; inspire her to develop and develop yourself).
• Be strict when necessary, but always wise and fair. Punish with love, without anger, explaining your actions.
• Never let yourself be assaulted against your daughter!
• Respect your daughter's personality, even if she is still very young.
• Be positive and develop a sense of humor.
• Be a worthy male example in everything! Encourage femininity in your daughter. Remember, you are the most important man in the life of a growing little woman - your daughter. She looks at you intently and makes life decisions at an early age. Don't miss your daughter's childhood!