It's easy to feel resentment towards someone who has hurt you. But what's the best way to put everything in place? What kind of revenge, served cold, are you thinking about?

You are offended and it is unpleasant.

You want to take it out on the person who offended you. This is a natural reaction from anger and resentment that causes pain.

You don't want to be bullied. It seems unfair and you don't want it to go too far.

You want to be respected.

You worry about the negative consequences of your revenge.

So why not do what, at first glance, seems right?

Several arguments why revenge is not a good idea

1. Revenge won't make you feel better. The principle of “an eye for an eye” will leave the whole world blind. You will only dive to a deeper and deeper level, falling into a vicious circle of negative feelings.
2. Revenge spoils. You want to lash out at the person because you resent them, but by doing so, you will also offend them. Your relationship will deteriorate. You can refer to the fact that “he started it first,” but in this way you also make your contribution. You can say that you don’t care - you don’t want to be in a relationship with a person who is capable of hurting you, and you’d be right. Just make sure that you are not saying this in a fit of anger, but that you are calm enough to make a rational assessment of the situation.
3. You allow yourself to give in to the first impulse and fear. The desire for revenge is not the desire for a better way out of the situation. This is a reaction, an impulse born of anger. It leads to impulsive decisions and problems such as distraction, procrastination, internet or video game addiction. Instead, it is better to develop the habit of pausing, allowing the fear to subside, and considering what would truly be the best way out of the situation. We must not allow ourselves to get caught up in our own ideas of what this person has done for us and how wrong he is.
4. Revenge will not make people respect you more. Taking it out on people when you're angry or afraid is not the way to earn their respect. On the contrary, they will respect you less if your principle is “an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.” And they may want to spend less time with you. However, people who deal with problems with maturity, balance, equanimity and compassion command respect.
5. You won't become the best version of yourself. Although at first, that same impulse will create the desire to become something more than you are. In fact, what we can become is, of course, compassionate. She forgives and does not act on the first impulse of anger. This is not easy, and therefore we should not set ourselves the goal of achieving the ideal - it is only a guide on how to act when we are able to look at things with awareness.

So if retribution isn't a good idea, then what is?

A more humane approach

The compassionate method is better because:

• You become the best version of yourself.
• It helps you.
• You earn the respect of others by being more mature.
• It helps your relationship.
• It is an act of kindness towards another person who is obviously struggling.
• It makes the world a better place with every new good relationship.

You may not agree with these statements, but this approach works better.

1. Take a break instead of acting on impulse. Note to yourself that you are ready to lash out at a person in fear and anger. Breathe deeply. Take a time out. Think before you act.
2. Focus on your physical sensations. When you are angry or afraid, the belief rings in your head: “People are doing me wrong!” Instead of dwelling on the story, bring your attention to how it physically feels in your body. Where is this sensation located - in the chest, stomach, neck, face? What physical sensations can you notice? Stay with these sensations for as long as possible, returning to them as soon as you notice that you are again starting to repeat in your head “Why do people behave this way?”
3. Broaden your perspective to see where the challenges lie. Once you stop focusing on the arguments in your head, you will be able to understand the other person’s position. Did he have a hard day? Is he going through any difficulties? Feeling afraid or angry? This perspective will allow you to feel compassion for the person because of the situation they find themselves in.
4. Ask: What can you do to support yourself and the other person? Is this a heart-to-heart conversation? Is it ending a relationship that is hurting both of you? Is it bringing in a “third party” to help resolve the conflict? Is it listening to complaints? There are many options, try to consider those that do not come from your anger or fear, but from compassion.
5. What can you do to start respecting yourself more? There is no need to become “easy prey” for people who step over you. Compassion does not mean a lack of self-confidence - rather, the opposite. Often you need to first take measures to protect, or at least stand up for yourself, so that you will not be offended. It is not very compassionate towards yourself to remain silent when you are hurt. But at the same time, you will be able to respect yourself more if you clarify your problems in a softer form. Or set your personal boundaries firmly, but without anger.
6. How can you show love to another person? This could be an opportunity to listen, give a hug, show you care. But it can also be letting go if your relationship isn't making them happy. Or creating a temporary space for the person to cool down a bit (and you too). There are many options, and the best one will be the one that leaves room for love and self-respect.

None of this is easy. But it’s also not easy when escalating retaliation destroys relationships, and it’s not easy to deal with resentment and anger at yourself. Achieving compassion is not easier, but it is worth the effort - it will bring more happiness to each side of the conflict.

Scenario for thematic conversation “Forgiveness or Revenge?”

Goals

1. Explain the impact of resentment on relationships.

2. Identify the reasons for unforgiveness.

3. Encourage students to forgive offenses and improve relationships with each other.

Preliminary preparation

Whatman sheets.

Introduction

Game "Vanka-Vstanka"

The teacher asks questions, and the students stand up if they answer positively and sit down if they answer negatively.

■ Who likes jokes?

■ Who has ever made fun of their friend?

■ Who doesn't like being made fun of?

■ Who received nicknames?

■ Who knows the continuation of the phrase: “Make peace, put up and more...”?

■ Who has ever asked for forgiveness when they offended someone?

■ Who has been wrong in an argument at least once?

■ Who agrees that “they carry water on the offended”?

■ Who responds to angry words with a joke?

■ Who forgave when he was offended?

Relationships between people are rarely smooth all the time. Every now and then grievances arise. In some cases this happens by accident, in others people offend each other on purpose. Resentment hurts. How to deal with this? How should I treat people who have hurt me, especially if it was intentional? We will talk about all this today in class.

Main part

First question for discussion. What are the reasons for unforgiveness?

From the students’ answers, you need to deduce and write down on whatman paper the main reasons:

1) selfishness (a person perceives an insult as an insult to his personality, it outrages him, hurts him, infringes on his self-esteem, all thoughts are directed at himself, he is busy with his feelings, experiences, he believes that the offender should be the first to come up and ask for forgiveness);

2) pride (this feeling requires retribution, retribution, revenge);

3) thirst for justice (until the offender has been punished, a person considers himself entitled to be offended by him);

4) pride (before forgiving, a person wants the offender to run after him, begging for forgiveness, to suffer as he suffered, to experience the same pain, etc.);

5) low self-esteem (for such people, to forgive would mean lowering the bar of self-esteem even lower, as well as losing sympathy from others);

6) the pain of the inflicted offense (the very thought of the offense causes pain, a person does not want to remember this pain, especially if the wound is too deep and one wants to forget about it, hiding the pain far inside oneself);

7) the opinion of others (there is a misconception about forgiveness in the world, life around us is full of negative examples of retribution, which is even more cultivated in movies, friends justify unforgiveness as support, and consider such an attitude to be fair);

8) attitude of friends (a person is afraid that if he forgives, friends or people around him will not understand him and will reject him);

9) inability to forgive oneself (a person tends to transfer criticism from himself to other people - what he doesn’t like in himself is difficult to perceive in others);

10) inability to forgive (a person does not know what forgiveness is, he may be mistaken in believing that he has already forgiven, but in fact still harbors a grudge deep down in his soul).

What is forgiveness? To explain, you can go by the opposite: find out what forgiveness is not:

1) understanding the motives, explaining and justifying the actions of the offender (this is not enough for forgiveness, you need to make a decision, let go of the pain from the heart);

2) forget everything (some people think that over time, the offense itself is erased from the soul, forgotten, especially if you don’t think about it; but burying pain in yourself does not bring mental healing; time cannot forgive instead of a person, it only helps to cope with the offense, but in itself does not give anything);

3) lack of understanding that someone is offended (perhaps the offense has long been forgotten, but still affects the mental state, interferes with relationships with people, creates internal complexes, tightness, anxiety, etc.; such, for example, there are grievances caused in childhood by the bad attitude of parents, etc.);

4) denial of the fact of offense (when a person does not admit even to himself that he was offended by someone, as if nothing had happened, but on a subconscious level suffers because of unforgiveness living in the soul);

5) the words “I have forgiven you” (a person can say this, but continue to be offended; some people think that thanks to their confession, the resentment and pain will automatically go away, but this most often does not happen). The main points are written down on a piece of whatman paper. Unforgiveness refers to a person's internal state. It hurts the most offended, causing him pain, even if sometimes he does not realize it. Unforgiveness brings anxiety and anger that poison the soul. Unforgiveness destroys communication with people and prevents them from establishing relationships.

Second question for discussion. How do I know whether I have forgiven the offender or not?

Together with the class, identify the signs of unforgiveness:

1) grief (if this feeling arises every time an incident of offense is remembered);

2) complaints (a person often recalls an incident of insult in order to complain about the offender);

3) despondency (dissatisfaction with life circumstances leads to this feeling, and the reason may be hidden in an unforgiven offense);

4) alienation (lack of desire to communicate with the offender - a person begins to avoid meeting him; the presence of someone who once caused pain is simply unbearable; a person says: “I have forgiven you everything, but don’t come near me anymore,” this indicates unforgiveness);

5) demand for compensation for damage (when a person is ready to forgive only on the condition of compensation for the damage caused to him, for example, the offender must pay money or purchase some thing, make a gift, publicly admit his guilt, kneel, etc.; if this does not happen, the resentment continues to sit in the heart). Write down your answers on whatman paper.

Third question for discussion. Should I forgive all offenses? Or are there wrongdoings that should be punished by me?

The discussion can be sharpened by asking additional questions, such as:

How to treat terrorists or rapists? What if, as a result of their actions, my close relatives and friends suffered?

Is it possible to forgive if severe physical or moral damage has been caused?

Such questions should be asked carefully because they may inadvertently injure someone and even cause harm.

As a moral absolute, forgiveness applies to any action without exception. Since it concerns judgment and punishment, no one has the moral right to inflict retribution on his own. From this point of view, you need to be able to forgive any offense, any wrongdoing, even if it caused irreparable damage (for example, disability, death of a loved one, etc.). Forgiveness is necessary first of all for us, for our peace of mind. Otherwise, the mental wound will never stop hurting.

Fourth question for discussion. How to learn to forgive grievances?

1. We must try to see unforgiveness in ourselves behind our dissatisfaction and spiritual discomfort and sincerely desire to free ourselves from it. Forgiveness is a voluntary decision of a person.

2. Think and remember the times when I myself hurt other people in the same way that I am being hurt now.

3. If in return I cause a person the same pain that he caused me, then I am no better than him and worthy of no less contempt than he.

4. Talk to a friend, an adult or a psychologist about the existing problem and mental conflict. Sincerity and honesty are very important in this conversation.

5. Try to reconcile with the person who caused the pain, establish a relationship with him, saying that you have forgiven him. Take the first step.

Conclusion

Unforgiveness is harmful primarily for the person who is offended. Many unpleasant feelings arise in his soul that poison his life. Therefore, if you notice that you are offended, you must try to forgive your offender and reconcile with him as quickly as possible. The decision whether to forgive or not depends only on me, no one else will do it for me.

I. Teacher's opening speech.

Teacher. Hello guys!

Today we have a very important lesson topic, interesting and relevant for each of you.

Define the word “Forgiveness” (in groups)

Let's compare your definition with the definition of Ozhegov and Dahl.

In S. Ozhegov’s “Explanatory Dictionary of the Russian Language,” the word “forgive” is deciphered as “to excuse, not to blame, to release from any obligation.” And in V. Dahl’s dictionary “to forgive is to make simple from sin, guilt, debt; to release from an obligation, to have mercy.”

Guys, please tell me who we usually forgive? (those who offended us)

Teacher. Is there anyone among us who has ever been offended by someone? Raise your hands please... (Usually everyone raises their hands.)

Let's name the feelings we experience when we are offended.

Participants' responses (everyone answers in a circle):– Anger, irritation, resentment, pain, rage, desire for revenge.

Teacher. A person fights with the offender even in his thoughts, spending physical and intellectual energy on it.

Is there anyone among us who has never offended anyone? (children's answers)

Yes, everyone has had the experience of offending someone and being offended by someone. Sometimes, for the sake of fun and entertainment, we can offend or insult a person with a careless word or a bad joke, without even noticing it.

We have already forgotten about our fun, but the person continues to suffer and acquires complexes.

II. Discussion in groups.

I suggest you consider the situation and discuss it in a group: a student reads (a story) “One adult recalled with regret such an incident from his life. Teenagers can be very cruel. A newcomer came to our class. I think his name was Andrey. His front teeth were large and protruded slightly forward. Because of this, he looked like an animal. I immediately came up with a nickname for him. “Hey, gopher,” I told him, what hole did you come out of? Everyone laughed together. I was pleased with what seemed to me to be a successful joke. Everyone started laughing and calling him Gopher. It seemed that Andrei took this joke calmly, he even giggled a couple of times along with everyone else. But then suddenly his chin began to shake, he jumped up and ran out of the classroom in tears. I didn't see him again. It was only much later that I realized how bad I had done. And how offended Andrei really was.”

How did Andrey feel?

Do you often give each other nicknames at school?

Have you ever wondered how a person feels who has physical defects or an unattractive appearance? He already feels bad without it, he’s already worried.

Teacher. But what about in those cases when, after a conflict accompanied by resentment, aggression, and a desire for revenge, you have to live next to the offender, study with him in the same class? What if this person is your brother or sister, father or mother?

Participants. We need to improve relationships.

Teacher. Can any human act always be forgiven?

Participants' responses (everyone answers in a circle):

And the Bible says that one must be able to forgive, and that revenge is one of the deadly sins.

In Rus', for a long time, there has been a holiday called Forgiveness Sunday. This is the last day of Maslenitsa. On this day in ancient times, people went to church and asked God for forgiveness for their sins, bad deeds and mistakes that did not allow people to live in peace and harmony with people and with themselves. In recent years, the old tradition of celebrating Forgiveness Resurrection has become an integral part of our lives. On this day you can hear a phone call and the words from the receiver: “Forgive me!” You can see a person on the threshold of your house whom you did not expect to see at all: “Forgive me!” - Certainly. We are all humans. But it is human nature to make mistakes; anything can happen in life.

III. Summarizing.

Sometimes it is easy to forgive each other, and sometimes it is very difficult; resentment gnaws at a person, poisons life, and does not allow people to communicate freely. The sun of goodness and warmth goes out in your soul, black clouds of loneliness float in, and only anger and resentment towards yourself, the offender, and the whole world remain with you. A person, being in such a state, cannot work well, study, or benefit people. How to get out of this state? What will help?

Game “Human Feelings”

Guys, here is a list of different human feelings (list on the board). Choose from them those that prevent us from forgiving, and write them down on your dark pieces of paper. Now tear them into small pieces, destroy them, and put the pieces in my box so that your Anger and Resentment will go away.

And on the prepared green leaves and flowers, write feelings that will help you forgive and ask for forgiveness. Attach these leaves to our tree. You see, it blossomed without Anger and Resentment.

(the guys are decorating the tree, slow, quiet, beautiful music is playing in the background)

The teacher asks everyone to hold hands and feel the warmth emanating from everyone.

Teacher. I want to give each of those present here today an angel as a symbol of purity and holiness. This is not just a toy, but a sign that will remind you of North's words:

“Forgiveness is not a denial of one’s own rightness in judgment, but an attempt to look at the offender with compassion, mercy, love, at a time when it seemed that he should be deprived of the right to them.”

Thank you guys for your active participation. Goodbye!

Decency	Annoyance
Aggression	Kindness
Love	Irritation
Respect	Anger
Interest	Contempt
Hatred	Resentment
Envy	Cordiality
Hatred	Love
Understanding	Indifference
Joy	Jealousy
Fear	Happiness
Success	Inspiration

Methodological development of a class hour on the topic

"Forgiveness or revenge?"

2. Identify the reasons for unforgiveness.

3. Encourage people to forgive grievances and improve relationships with each other.

Equipment

computer, multimedia projector.

Class plan

hours

1. Organizational moment

2 minutes

2. Communicating the goals of the class hour, updating and motivating students’ activities

5 minutes

3. Main part

30 minutes

4. Conduct at the end of the class hour, reflection

3 minutes

Class progress

Organizing time

Game "Yes - No"

The class teacher asks questions and the students answer yes or no on the answer sheet in front of them.

Do you like jokes?

Have you ever made fun of your friend?

Don't you like it when people make fun of you?

Did you get nicknames?

Do you know the continuation of the phrase: “Put up, put up and more...”?

Have you ever asked for forgiveness when you offended someone?

Have you ever been wrong in an argument?

Do you agree that “they carry water on the offended”?

Do you respond to angry words with a joke?

Have you forgiven when you were offended?

Summarize: what is more “yes” or “no”.

Communicating the goals of the class hour, updating and motivating students’ activities

Classroom teacher:

Relationships between people are rarely smooth all the time. Every now and then grievances arise. In some cases this happens by accident, in others people offend each other on purpose. Resentment hurts. How to deal with this? How should I treat people who have hurt me, especially if it was intentional? We will talk about all this today during class, the topic of which is “Forgiveness or Revenge?”

Slide1

Main part

Classroom teacher: First question . What are the reasons for unforgiveness?

Slide2

You can display the answers on a slide and ask them to explain the main ones.causes :

1) selfishness (a person perceives an insult as an insult to his personality, it outrages him, hurts him, infringes on his self-esteem, all thoughts are directed at himself, he is busy with his feelings, experiences, he believes that the offender should be the first to come up and ask for forgiveness);

2) pride (this feeling requires retribution, retribution, revenge);

3) thirst for justice (until the offender has been punished, a person considers himself entitled to be offended by him);

4) pride (before forgiving, a person wants the offender to run after him, begging for forgiveness, to suffer as he suffered, to experience the same pain, etc.);

5) low self-esteem (for such people, to forgive would mean lowering the bar of self-esteem even lower, as well as losing sympathy from others);

6) pain from the insult (the very thought of being offended causes pain, a person does not want to remember this pain, especially if the wound is too deep and one wants to forget about it, hiding the pain far inside oneself);

7) the opinions of others (there is a misconception about forgiveness in the world, the surrounding life is full of negative examples of retribution, which is even more cultivated in movies, friends justify unforgiveness as support, and consider such an attitude to be fair);

8) friends' attitude (a person is afraid that if he forgives, friends or people around him will not understand him and will reject him);

9) inability to forgive oneself (a person tends to transfer criticism from himself to other people - what he doesn’t like in himself is difficult to perceive in others);

10) inability to forgive (a person does not know what forgiveness is, he may be mistaken in believing that he has already forgiven, but in fact still harbors a grudge deep down in his soul).

Classroom teacher: - What is forgiveness?

Slide3

To explain, you can go by the opposite: find out what forgiveness is not:

1) understanding the motives, explaining and justifying the actions of the offender (this is not enough for forgiveness, you need to make a decision, let go of the pain from the heart);

2) forget everything (some people think that over time, the offense itself is erased from the soul, forgotten, especially if you don’t think about it; but burying pain in yourself does not bring mental healing; time cannot forgive instead of a person, it only helps to cope with the offense, but in itself does not give anything);

3) lack of understanding that someone is offended (perhaps the offense has long been forgotten, but still affects the mental state, interferes with relationships with people, creates internal complexes, tightness, anxiety, etc.; such, for example, there are grievances caused in childhood by the bad attitude of parents, etc.);

4) denial of the fact of offense (when a person does not admit even to himself that he was offended by someone, as if nothing had happened, but on a subconscious level suffers because of unforgiveness living in the soul);

5) the words “I have forgiven you” (a person can say this, but continue to be offended; some people think that thanks to their confession, the resentment and pain will automatically go away, but this most often does not happen).

Slide4

Classroom teacher: - What does it mean to forgive? Unforgiveness refers to a person's internal state. It hurts the most offended, causing him pain, even if sometimes he does not realize it.

Slide5

Unforgiveness brings anxiety and anger, which poison the soul and lead to revenge. Unforgiveness destroys communication with people and prevents them from establishing relationships.

Classroom teacher: Second question . How do I know whether I have forgiven the offender or not?

Slide6

Take out with the groupsigns unforgiveness:

1) chagrin (if this feeling arises every time an incident of offense is recalled);

2) complaints (a person often recalls an incident of causing offense in order to complain about the offender);

3) despondency (dissatisfaction with life circumstances leads to this feeling, and the reason may be hidden in an unforgiven offense);

4) alienation (lack of desire to communicate with the offender - the person begins to avoid meeting with him; the presence of someone who once caused pain is simply unbearable; the person says: “I have forgiven you everything, but don’t come near me anymore,” this indicates unforgiveness);

5) claim for damages (when a person is ready to forgive only on condition of compensation for the damage caused to him, for example, the offender must pay money or purchase some thing, make a gift, publicly admit his guilt, kneel, etc.; if this does not happen, the offense is so and continues to sit in the heart).

Classroom teacher: Third question . Should I forgive all offenses? Or are there wrongdoings that should be punished by me?

Slide7

You can ask additional questions, such as:

How to treat terrorists or rapists? What if, as a result of their actions, my close relatives and friends suffered? Is it possible to forgive if severe physical or moral damage has been caused?

As a moral absolute, forgiveness applies to any action without exception. Since it concerns judgment and punishment, no one has the moral right to inflict retribution on his own. From this point of view, you need to be able to forgive any offense, any wrongdoing, even if it caused irreparable damage (for example, disability, death of a loved one, etc.). Forgiveness is necessary first of all for us, for our peace of mind. Otherwise, the mental wound will never stop hurting.

Classroom teacher: Fourth question . How to learn to forgive grievances?

Slide8

1. We must try to see unforgiveness in ourselves behind our dissatisfaction and spiritual discomfort and sincerely desire to free ourselves from it. Forgiveness is a voluntary decision of a person.

2. Think and remember the times when I myself hurt other people in the same way that I am being hurt now.

3. If in return I cause a person the same pain that he caused me, then I am no better than him and worthy of no less contempt than he.

4. Talk to a friend or someone about the existing problem and mental conflict. Sincerity and honesty are very important in this conversation.

5. Try to reconcile with the person who caused the pain, establish a relationship with him, saying that you have forgiven him. Take the first step.

Behavior at the end of the class hour, reflection

Slide9

Classroom teacher: - In conclusion, I want to tell you the words Paulo Coelho is a Brazilian novelist and poet who said: “To forgive means to be able to go beyond revenge and justice...”

Slide10

Remember! Unforgiveness is harmful primarily for the person who is offended. Many unpleasant feelings arise in his soul that poison his life. Therefore, if you notice that you are offended, you must try to forgive your offender and reconcile with him as quickly as possible. The decision whether to forgive or not depends only on you; no one else will do it for you. The boomerang rule.

Slide11

Learn to forgive for conflicts and tears,
For the loss of love, for crazy dreams,
And the actions of the enemies that poisoned your life,
For the words of those people who loved but lied.

Learn to forgive by letting go of grievances,
Far from yourself, so that they float away forever,
So that you don’t scratch your soul like a cat with its claws,
Let the winds carry them to distant places.

Don't carry suitcases with stones with you,
Time sometimes heals and forgives those wounds,
That grievances are branded on the heart,
Learn to forgive, it will be easier, believe me.