I hate the guy's sister. My boyfriend’s sister hates me “What should I do? If we proceed from this, then envy is bad

I am 19 years old and I have the following problem. I don’t know how to find a common language with my boyfriend’s younger sister... She is 16 years old, but she is what is called “homey”, i.e. doesn’t go to discos, doesn’t talk to boys, etc. In principle, she doesn’t bother us in any way, but I see that my presence is unpleasant for her... she’s either embarrassed or something else... He tried to talk to her, she said that she felt like a third wheel in her own at home, when we are alone in his room, and she wants to go somewhere... I understand that I should probably communicate with her more somehow, but I absolutely don’t know what to talk to her about...

Family psychologist's answer:

Hello, .

You wrote very touchingly about your boyfriend's little sister. And if you really want to improve your relationship with her, then I’m ready to give you some simple advice. So, communication most often begins with interest in each other. If your sister is a “home girl,” and perhaps very shy, then it is extremely difficult for her to be the first to take a step towards you. Maybe you seem to her already very mature, since you and her brother have some kind of special close relationship. Therefore, you will have to take the first step. Topics for conversation can be completely different. Try to start with her studies and teachers, with her plans for the future in terms of studies. If there is a reason, praise her hairstyle or new blouse. It will be better if you find time to talk to her without her brother. Perhaps when you all get together, she becomes uncomfortable, because without you she probably communicates with her brother differently, and with you she may be lost simply due to her age and lack of her own life experience. If she had a boyfriend, your communication would probably be easier. Be more tolerant with her. Moreover, our feelings for other people tend to come back to us like a boomerang.

Sincerely, Natalya Aleksandrovna PANFILOVA.

how to behave with a guy's sister. We had a good relationship, we communicated well. But the guy, when he quarreled with his sister, constantly told me that she had a very difficult character. The guy is 25 years old, she is 29, she lives with her parents and has never been married. So I didn’t believe him because we got along well, but recently we went to the sea with my mother, my brother and sister were driving, and my mother’s sister and her family were driving in the other car. And then the question arose about who would go ahead, me or his sister, and then she came up with the idea that she was feeling ill from the cramped conditions, although my mother weighs 60 kg and my brother is thin. When they came for us, I saw that she was sitting in front of us on the road, she fell apart there as much as possible, it upset me very much, I cried for 3 hours, although it was stupid because of the place to cry, but it was very offensive. We arrived, my mother’s sister and her family went to one house and we (sister, me, mother, brother and boyfriend) went to another all together, I still cried and calmed down, the first day went well, but on the second we got ready to go to the water park and she sat down ahead but excuse me in the city she won’t feel bad anymore but the fact is that the guy himself told me that I would be ahead in the city and he didn’t say a word to her okay we arrived, she and I went normally on the slides, everything was fine until we The guy and I broke up and went to everyone else and she went on skating. 2 hours passed, she was gone and no, the guy started to worry, we looked for her, we couldn’t find her anywhere, we walked for an hour and a half, I started to get nervous, like an adult girl and doesn’t think about what they’ll worry about. Then we go to everyone and she’s standing there, we approach and she says that where are you going, I’ve been waiting for you for half an hour, even though it was scanned into the hut, it made me very angry, but I didn’t speak or show it, I thought that at least the guy would tell her something, but he said nothing, we had a fight and I left, I cried about an hour later he found me and explained that she was not little, I answered him since she was not little, why were we looking for her then and not resting? He answered, I was worried, I said that I wasn’t going to talk to you or her, but she stood behind me and heard. We arrived home and she stopped talking to me, and the guy and I kept quarreling. The next day we went on a boat, I had a little fight with my mother and she got in, and in front of everyone in the water park, no one heard our scandals; she really insulted me with my mother, I confronted her immediately and apologized. In the evening after a walk, we came and stood with him near the yard and swore not loudly because it was already late and she came out and said what’s going on, I told her don’t meddle, she again, what’s happening, I say don’t meddle in our relationship, we’ll figure it out ourselves and then she she says I want to and I can hear you in the whole yard, I tell her we’re not talking loudly, the guy left, I say let’s talk, I told her everything and she’s like, let me swear at her, she let me shut my mouth, supposedly you’re not at home, don’t yell at her, I’m like you as if you were at home, look after yourself and I told her everything, I don’t want to quarrel with you, I still have to live with your brother, and without saying a word, she turned around with a disappointed face and left. After that, she did not walk with us on her own. so even during all the time at sea she did not get to know my aunt and her family. And she rode back in front, although they had to change, but I reacted more calmly. To this day we don’t communicate, but I’m very worried, what should I do next?

The sister of the guy I love hates me, “doesn’t love me.” Hatred or envy?.. What wins in my history? Well, if we're being frank, I'll start from the very beginning.

She, it seems to me, is jealous that her brother and I have a wonderful relationship that is looking forward to the future. And she broke up with her boyfriend, with whom she lived for four years. But what does our happiness have to do with it? I was waiting for him so much... And he…. I didn't know there were such sisters.

She seems to treat me great, but it’s such a “feigned” attitude…. I can't call him anything else. She will talk, and smile, and say “good morning”... I recently gave my new perfume a try. But when I pass by her, or we are alone, I feel this hatred, which is disguised as “stiffness.”

I don’t even know which is better: hatred or envy?

There are four of us living: my beloved’s mother, me, him and his sister. There are only two rooms (I don’t count the veranda, because no one lives there, only sometimes). Our room (as it happens) does not have a door. And when we are sleeping, she comes in early in the morning to get her things, which, of course, wakes me up, because I’ve been sleeping terribly lately. And further…. I wake up to see if I'm well covered and all...

He constantly rearranges my things, constantly rearranges the objects that I put on the table near the laptop... He also likes to touch where it hurts. He knows that due to the not very beautiful shape of my legs, I am not able to wear dresses, skirts…. So she exposed her entire wardrobe in front of me!

It was really hot. My mother-in-law bought me small (short) shorts and a T-shirt to go with it. The suit came out gorgeous. So she “pouted” very much. She told her mother that she wanted one too. There was so much resentment in the voice that the nightmare was simply unbearable!

He knows that I work on the Internet and that I can’t let anyone near the laptop for long. So, instead of getting her computer repaired, she finally constantly asks for Internet access “for a second.” And it hangs there for who knows how long! And then I have huge problems at work! I’m not making it up that everything is so bad here, because there was one case... Something happened, in general, with the Internet, I cried and got nervous because there was no way to do something that I really needed to do for my work. And she smiled, remained silent and left! Now I remember an even cooler incident...

For a long, long time we dreamed of being alone. We did not and did not have such an opportunity. I really wanted to be with my husband so that no one would “distract”…. Yes, there is such a habit... Call him husband. So... We were waiting for the moment when we could enjoy each other to the fullest. And then all the happy chances appeared, which my beloved sister then broke off. In short, that's how it all happened...

We didn’t know that Galya (my husband’s sister) was at home. That day she came very quietly, completely inaudibly. And we, being in the next room, let it slip that tomorrow would be a great day for us. She went for a walk with a friend and said that she would spend the night with her. Mom and stepfather drove off to the dacha. And just as we began to prepare for romance, Galya returned, can you imagine that? You were in such a state that it was even worse than shock. Galya referred to drowsiness, and she turned on the clips (almost at full volume) and started dancing, turning on, by the way, an interesting thing that I gave to her brother. Now I’m telling you all this…. And I re-read it when I understand that what this girl feels towards me is closer to envy than to hatred.

If we proceed from this, then envy is bad

You should not envy, but strive for what you want as much as possible.

Galina is beautiful, intelligent, independent, independent... Did you get burned? Happens! But you need to move through the past and move on, along the path of the present to the future! I wish her great happiness!

You know, I’m sure that Galya, having found a mate for herself, will treat me differently! We won’t make friends, but the flame of envy and hatred, which has a very negative effect on life, will go out.

Recently I had a dream...

I’m telling you right now so that the emotions from him do not lose their relevance. So, my beloved and I are walking along the most beautiful alley in the world... Leaves are falling... Clouds are floating above us... Everything is as in the pictures. And bright, so bright. Towards - Galka. Right in the dream, I felt that she would either do something bad or say something. It turned out just as I thought! She started showing my beloved photographs in which I was naked and had sex with someone. But such and such did not happen! Not in reality, not in thoughts, not in dreams - desires! I'm trying to prove something, but I understand how useless evidence is. My husband yells at me and gets angry. And I wake up screaming that this never happened. My love calms me down, that is, my feelings. And the beloved got scared and woke up too. He hugged me and we fell asleep again. We slept until morning. Until Galya started making noise with a hairdryer. And she did this not in her room, but opposite ours! We can say that it’s opposite ours: in the corridor, near the mirror that hangs on the wall. It would be forgivable if she did this on weekends, otherwise... Cool? And not a single remark can be made. You have to be silent like a little rag. I endure....

It’s bad that I think like that, but it’s better for me that she moves somewhere. Let him find “a man - half”, and go to him! Or…. It's coming! In short, I don’t want her to live with us! We will still move to another city. So let him live somewhere until this happens.

I cannot part with the man whom I love to the “limit.” Because of his sister - even more so! Maybe fate will be favorable to me and everything will turn out the way I would like..... I think about it. But thoughts cannot materialize in an instant. I only hope for the materialization of these particular thoughts! Because he hopes for nothing more. Yes, I’m such a pessimist, what should I do with myself? And I planned to make friends with her... It's such a pity that my plans won't come true...