Understand that we are just friends. He starts a conversation. He becomes polite

He is the man of your dreams, you see each other constantly, talk on the phone for hours and text all day. Do you think that before ideal relationship close at hand, but not a hint from him. "What's happening?" – you ask yourself. It's simple: you are only a friend for him. PEOPLETALK will tell you how to understand that you are in the friend zone.

Does he complain to you about his life and talk about ex-girlfriends with whom he suffered a lot? No, he is not trying to prepare you for a relationship with himself, he simply perceives you as a friend who will probably have good advice.

There is no need to find excuses. No, it's most likely not that he's just an indecisive person. If in the evenings he discusses with you Soccer game « Spartacus» – « Dynamo", suggests running into a nearby pub ( It doesn't matter that you drink cherry, it doesn't make you more feminine), then no romance will appear in your relationship.

You agreed to meet, you dream of a date, and he comes to it in the company of his friend. Most likely, this is not an attempt to arrange a “browse”, but just another sign of falling into the friend zone. “My friends should know each other, and even better if it turns out good company“- the object of your adoration probably thinks exactly this way. But this situation is not hopeless, and if this happens to you one day, say directly: “ I wanted to see you and spend the evening alone with you" If you do this carefully and not in the form of a complaint from a girl offended by life, then there is a chance that the guy will look at you with different eyes.

Ignoring is a clear indicator of a frivolous attitude. Yes, he may be busy, but if he is really interested in you, he will definitely make time to call, text or come. Take it as a fact: if a man is in love, then he moves mountains.

If he addresses you only as “dude”, “bro”, “hammer”, pats you on the shoulder, ruffles your hair like an older brother and gives you a scale for your birthday with the words “I think you wanted it” - accept it. Nothing will change. Leave the magical stories of friendship that grows into love for Hollywood rom-coms, and understand for yourself: good friend- this is also a gift of fate, sometimes even better than a novel.

Here are a few rules for getting out of the friend zone that may work:

1. Create the appearance of competition. Let him try, not you. Let him know that you do not suffer from a lack of male attention.

2. Disappear for a while. Stop writing, calling and answering messages. Let him worry a little and feel that he misses you.

3. Improve yourself. The easiest way to show a person what he has lost is to become the best version herself. Believe me, it works!

4. Believe in his success and praise him for every little thing. He tells you: " I signed a contract", and you answer him: " Handsome!"? No " handsome guys"! Only " what a great fellow you are!»

5. Flirt! Don't forget about him! It is most important. Let your chosen one know that you have plans for him.

The relationship between a guy and a girl is a complicated thing. Girls may not notice a guy, and then suddenly fall in love, or develop a relationship slowly and steadily. However, the guys try and build relationships. But often they are faced with the fact that the development of relationships only leads to friendship. Why did this happen and how to proceed? This is exactly what we will look at in our article.

In order to understand this problem, you need to understand the reasons why the girl considers you only a friend. But we can say with complete confidence that your chosen one is either not deciding on a serious relationship. Or the girl has no interest in you.

There are several main reasons why you are only a friend for a girl:

1. She is not attracted to you as a man. Yes, you are good reliable person, with whom it is interesting to communicate, but nothing more. That's why you're only suitable for her as a friend.

2. The girl has someone. If you know that this is not the case, then do not exclude the possibility that your friend may have sympathy for another person. That's why she doesn't notice you.

In any case, don't give up. After all, this is destiny weak people. You need to be patient and see the potential for friendship in friendship. further relations. By understanding the reason, you need to protect yourself from the main mistakes that guys make in such a situation.

And so, what not to do if a girl said that she considers you only a friend:

1. Don't get depressed. Friendship is already something. Initially, you must understand that if a girl offers you friendship, then this is not so bad. Because you are at least a reliable person with whom she is interested in communicating, and this is not a bad thing.

2. No ultimatums. You shouldn’t put the question bluntly and say that you can’t be a friend because you have feelings for her deep feelings. By doing this, you will most likely be left with nothing. With such words you will not win the girl’s heart, but will only push her away from you.

3. And most importantly, don’t be a bore. You shouldn’t bother your girl with constant calls and messages. Many guys begin to almost follow the girl. With such actions they only bother and scare the girl away. You are a man, so have respect for yourself.

Girls love persistent men. But they also love men who know how to compromise and, if necessary, can give in to them. After all, in reality it is very difficult to live with a dictator. Agree to friendship and understand that this is not a categorical “no” told to you, but only temporary. Therefore, first, show your beloved that you are a truly reliable and not annoying friend.

Don't forget that love between a girl and a guy often begins with friendship.

And so, understanding not the hopelessness of your situation, but seeing only bright prospects in it, let’s move on to the final solution to your problem.

Let's consider what you need to change in yourself so that a girl sees you as her potential man:

1. Charm. Girls fall in love with men who know how to impress. Develop in yourself good qualities that your beloved likes.

2. Flirt. Learn to subtly hint to a girl about something more. The ability to flirt with your eyes, facial expressions and words is a serious weapon in the fight for a girl’s heart.

3. Compliments. Beautiful half humanity adores Nice words in your direction. This way, you will let the girl know that you are very attracted to her.

4. Confidence and reliability. These are the feelings your friend should experience when she is with you. These are the qualities that tell you that you can be relied upon.

Using these tips, you will make yourself more attractive. And over time, your chosen one will understand that the one she was looking for Serious relationships, next to her and it’s you.

Help with advice! I met a young man, we’ve known each other for six months. He often comes to me and stays with me, gives me money, buys food, etc. During sex he asks if I love him, and sometimes he asks just like that. Why is he doing this? After all, there is one thing: when we talk to him or in company, he always says that he doesn’t need a girl and we are just friends. How to understand it?

Elizabeth, Cherepovets, Russia, 20 years old / 04/12/16

Our experts' opinions

• Alyona

  In my opinion, it is very simple to understand a guy: you are not the girl of his dreams, he is not going to connect his life with you. You are the girlfriend he doesn't take seriously. Yes, it is important for him that you are in love with him, because it pleases his pride. But he doesn't value you. At least for now. And your chances of changes in the future are not great, because you are behaving like an exemplary fool who is happy with everything the way it is. You didn’t buck and tell him to go to hell when you heard from him in the company of friends that you were nothing to him, just a girlfriend. You didn’t demand an explanation and didn’t say that you couldn’t sleep with a guy who, when he walked out the door, said that he didn’t need you. It humiliates you, hurts you, makes you think that you are wasting your time, your love, in vain becoming attached to a person who does not value you and does not love you in return. You didn’t tell him any of this and you’re sitting and wondering: “how to understand him.” Take him literally: he doesn’t need a girl, that is, you. Let him tell you this to your face, and you will break up, you will get a chance to find your boyfriend, the one who will not be embarrassed by you and will not lie that you are nothing more than an acquaintance for him, and then secretly climb into your bed in order to have sex . Don't humiliate yourself.

• Sergey

  Elizabeth, why don’t you ask the guy himself this question? After all, your relationship has some meaning for you? Well, find out the information first hand. Ask how he treats you and how he sees the continuation. Of course, if you are satisfied with such a “bed” friendship, then for God’s sake, continue to “just date.” However, it seems to me that it should be important for a girl what to expect in the future. And if the guy is not planning anything serious, if in fact for him you are nothing more than a girlfriend to satisfy some very carnal needs, then is all this worth continuing? No, it is clear that receiving money and using services free shipping products - it's cool. Only time is not rubber. And if your friend in ten years is still considered a “young guy,” then you will already have some problems with finding a life partner. And if so, then maybe it’s not worth spending years on someone with whom nothing else can be built except a hut made of a blanket? After all, while you are tumbling around with someone who does not love and respect you, you are missing the opportunity to find truly your person, with whom you can make a real couple, create real family. And the fact that the guy doesn’t love you is for sure. After all, if a young man meets a girl, sleeps with her, and at the same time tells everyone around him that this is nothing more than “friendship”, that he doesn’t need a girl, it means that he is simply using you as a fairly cheap prostitute - for food. And the attitude towards you is appropriate. This is complete disrespect and even a direct insult. And whoever is not respected is not loved. So think about it, do you need all this?

What I liked most about this video about how not to become a friend to a girl is how the girl tries to describe the reasons why some guys become just friends to a girl. In the first place was the repulsive appearance, but in fact, this is only what comes to mind first. The world knows millions of stories when beautiful girl was with ugly guy. I talked about the parameters that girls like in guys in another video. If you watched this video about how not to become just a friend to the end, then you could hear the treasured confirmation - you can become more than a friend for a girl, i.e. finally transform your relationship from friendship to love. This also applies to meeting girls over the Internet, since being just a friend online is not what guys want.

To understand how not to fall into the category of friends, let's figure out who a friend is and why a girl needs him. Based on observations and analysis of the stories of my clients, we can conclude that you are in the category of friends if:

• The girl initially thought you weren't suitable for the role of her boyfriend.
• You don't attract a girl with anything
• She's not interested in you sexually

If you imagine everything the other way around, then you yourself would add a girl as a friend if she turned out to be an ugly, silent nerd who only vaguely reminds you of your (my) beloved Jessica Alba. Not to mention that you are definitely the first one you don’t like.

Not everything is as bad as it could be. If you and the girl are just friends, then this already means that you are in better position than another man whom she rejected once and for all. She's willing to accept your attention, she answers your calls, and she might even be willing to spend time with you. Great, we have a springboard for active actions. By the way, this bridgehead even somewhat reminds me of a bridgehead for those who want to return ex-girlfriend. In any case, the scheme of actions is really similar.

Understand her

The first step towards not becoming just a friend for a girl is to understand female psychology and the reasons why she doesn't want more than friendship from you. Although this point is worthy of an entire seminar (I really want you to learn to understand women better than they understand themselves), I will briefly tell you that all girls tend to have guy friends. We all understand that you would like to be more than just friends with her. You want to sleep with her, date her, be in a relationship with her. But it is important to understand that you are not alone. Any girl always has suitors of varying quality. She has plenty to choose from. But if you give to everyone, then “the giving will soon end.” It turns out that the girl has a program for selecting guys, under which her guy friends fall. All the guys offer her their attention, care, resources, material values, and the girl, who by nature is an ideal consumer, takes everything. In a word, she is pleased with your attention, she wants to accept from you what you give her. I call it an orbit. The girl keeps you in orbit, never letting you get too close to her. Just like the Moon rotates in orbit around the Earth.

The girl does not want and will never change anything, she will take from you as long as you give to her. It’s difficult to refuse you, because it will be a way out of her comfort zone. So the endless movement of satellites in orbit around the female luminary continues. Until the guy decides to stop being a friend and shift his trajectory towards the female body.

How do you like this list of mistakes that I remembered from the stories of my clients?

The first mistake is when seducing a girl, a guy tries to find something in common that unites the two of them

I myself have had it happen more than once that on a date I tried to find points of intersection with a girl. Places where she also vacationed, movies she also likes, mutual acquaintances and hobbies. Of course it gives great themes for conversation, but it destroys sexual tension! This tension is the girl’s thoughts that she would sleep with such a guy. After all, there is even such a romantic term as “mysterious stranger”, and there is no concept to the contrary! This is because girls like intrigue - they are naturally curious and open to everything unknown. If you are just like her, everything becomes easier and more comfortable, which means it will be difficult to become more than a friend.

It’s even worse if you deliberately try to please a girl by inventing that you ALSO allegedly like her beloved musical group or that you ALSO prefer to sit in a cafe instead of walking through an autumn park (choose the second option).

Second mistake - you're trying to please her

How to please a girl without trying to please her, you ask? That's exactly it. Girls like guys who don't try to please them; they think these guys are the best. It's about showing natural behavior and being yourself. This is many times better than pleasing a girl in any way. You may have already heard that girls like “bad” guys more than “good” guys. So, every time you deliberately show yourself to be well mannered, the right guy– you are bringing yourself closer to becoming just a friend. It’s another matter if you are really so correct - in this case everything is ok, be yourself.

The third mistake is not having your own point of view

No matter how confident and feminist-minded a girl is, she expects dominance from you. If you agree with her on everything, then it looks like you agree to do anything for her sake. The intrigue disappears, you don’t catch her and end up as friends.

You may have had experiences where you tried to appear to be a guy who you really are not. You tried to please, to surprise the girl, so as not to become just a friend for her, so that she would understand how suitable you are for the role of her boyfriend. You were sitting with her in a cafe, she reprimanded the guys at the next table who were having fun and were not shy about talking loudly. And you also frowned and agreed with her that these guys were preventing you from communicating comfortably. I want to tell you one secret - if one of those guys had paid attention to your girlfriend, it is very likely that she would have left that evening with him, and not with you. Think for yourself, other things.

The fourth mistake is to be too respectful of her and not allow yourself to quickly seduce her.

“She’s the one, I’ll seduce her carefully, I’m afraid I’ll scare her away” and similar nonsense. Understand one simple thing– women want sex just like you, which is good, but up to a certain point. And if you yourself delay this opportunity, then your relationship will only suffer from it. I can even say that it is you who are not giving it to her, and not she to you.

You invest too much in it - the fifth mistake

Impress a girl by showing off your financial situation? The idea is good, but the implementation suffers for everyone. If you are a promising guy or have money, then the girl will see it that way. Don't show off, order the entire menu at expensive restaurant where you invited her. Don't give her flowers or gifts. For now - you're welcome. Figuratively, if she becomes the mother of your children, then there will be a reason to give gifts. Until then, she hasn't earned it. Again, the girl is an ideal consumer - what you give is what she takes. If you give finance, he will take finance, if you give sex, he will take sex.

Suppose, having become a friend to a girl, you start giving her a ride home. Day, two, three. And you don't ask for anything in return. Well, maybe hold the hand outside her house. What does the girl think? She thinks she has a personal driver. And it begins - take it, bring it, help...

The main idea of ​​this topic is that the more you give a girl before sex, the less likely this sex.

The sixth mistake everyone makes is listening to all her problems.

And, most importantly, try to solve them!

We all have our own problems and it is quite normal if we share them with our interlocutor. But pay attention to this - lovers always leave problems outside the perimeter of meetings, they share the holiday among themselves, and that’s why everything initial stages long term relationship remembered with such vividness. Brotherly friends share the current routine among themselves - what happened and how, and what and how to do to whom. When you first hear from a girl that she has started sharing her problems with you, treat this as a test. Will you be willing to help, give advice and become for her? useful friend, or you will become more than a friend, saying, “baby, calm down, let’s not talk about bad things,” and direct the relationship in the direction you want. It's up to you.

Mistake number 7 – too many compromises

Here there is a stable loss of interest in your person, because the girl begins to feel power over you. You also agree to its terms, to the detriment of your interests. For example, I still remember the case when I made a date with one girl in the center, and she asked me to pick her up because it was cold outside. Not only did it come out clean with her friendly communication, I also almost got into an accident that evening. You could also have cases when you abandoned your plans in favor of a girl - a change in the time and place of a date, her reluctance to go to the place you want. It even happens that a girl brings a friend to meet you, and you already treat them both to dinner. In such situations, the girl feels that you are bending, changing your behavior under her leadership. Instead of all this nonsense, you need to definitely live by your own rules and not be afraid to tell the girl that you intend to act only according to your plans. Value yourself and you won't become just a girl's friend who can be used to her advantage.

Eighth mistake - you pay too much attention to her

Remember, has it ever happened that you constantly think about a girl, write her SMS, VKontakte messages that she leaves unanswered, wait for her to meet, find out details of her personal life through social media or through her friends. She also ignores your impulses to take the relationship horizontally, finding a reason not to meet or go home. Yes, it smells like “let’s just remain good friends.”

Everything you need to become more than a friend - reverse approach. Make her compete for your attention. Do not answer her calls and messages for a long time. If you are talking to her on the phone, suddenly interrupt the dialogue, say “distracted, I’ll call you back” and don’t call back. Pay attention to other women when you are around. Schedule a weekend meeting and just do other things. In a word, lead interesting life, in which she is not given the first place. Of course, she will want to get involved, and this will encourage her to think about you.

To summarize, I want to emphasize - the more you invest in a girl - financially, emotionally, spiritually - the less likely it is that she will become your girlfriend. The girl is pleased with your attention, this is absolutely normal, but receiving a lot of things from you, the girl does not want to change anything. What you give is what she takes. Being a "nice guy" is not effective because... good guy she will act like a good girl. She just wants to match you, her friend. A good girls As you know, people don’t have sex on the first date. It turns out that you yourself program her behavior, because of which she considers you just a friend.

If you have a girl who you like, but who asked you to just be friends, start looking for these mistakes in your behavior and start correcting them. I guarantee that in the near future you will understand how not to become just a friend for her, and you will see how her attitude towards you will change.

The girl initially thought you weren't suitable for the role of her boyfriend.

The phrase: “Let’s just be friends” is the biggest nightmare for a guy in love. It is perhaps easier to endure a complete break than to constantly be on the bench. What if a girl said that we are friends? Beg on your knees or proudly go home? If you want to return it, you need to proceed as follows.

Disappear from her life for a month

This time - optimal time to not only change yourself, but also give her the opportunity to miss you. You don't sit idly by, looking at the clock to see when those 43,200 minutes will expire. This time has been given to you to become the complete opposite of the guy she knew.

Get busy

During this time, you will not have time to gain sculpted muscles, but you simply must spend a lot of time in gym- pump up your arms, finally gain abs. Start eating right Shave regularly, use antiperspirant, toothbrush and quality perfumes. Find your style- ask for help from a friend who is popular with girls. You must give the impression that you take care of yourself. stylish guy, so that at a long-awaited meeting to evoke desire, and not pity.

Don't be boring

Far Not every man can attract women's interest. Be you Apollo with a magnificent figure and flawless appearance, if you are not able to carry on a conversation, do not know how to be cheerful and resourceful, the chances of success not only for the girl for whom you are trying, but also for everyone else are very small.

Learn to flirt

Learn to communicate with girls, but not as friends, but as potential sexual partners. The art of flirting may be difficult to master, but the main thing is to practice it regularly. Meet representatives of the fair sex wherever possible. Let only one interest you, so much the better. This will make it easier for you to flirt with others, because the fear of rejection will no longer bother you. This advice is also good because in the process of active communication with the opposite sex you can find someone who will make you forget the bitterness of failure with your previous passion.

So, instead of feeling sorry for yourself and giving up, give yourself a month during which you stop all contact with her and try to completely change. And then, when you see each other again, she will look at you with completely different eyes. It is unlikely that she will have the strength to refuse a relationship with a man who, for her sake, has come such a long way from an insecure guy to a real man. Get closer to her gradually, do not try to drag her into bed on the first date after a break: a slight hint of romance, after a week - a kiss on the cheek, then on the lips... In a month she will already be yours. And if not, Now you definitely won’t vegetate alone.