What to do if I am jealous of my child’s mother-in-law: advice from a psychologist. My own mother is jealous of my mother-in-law. Why? What to do? Why is a mother jealous of her little child's grandmother?

I’m already pounding from this one word uttered by someone…. Jealousy! Either the husband begins to be jealous of his friends, then the girlfriend begins to be jealous of the girlfriend... And here is a “new” jealousy: my mother-in-law is jealous of my second mother... To the mother-in-law! Why? What should I do?

Can not understand! It seems that she did not give any reason for such jealousy. Why is she jealous of me? I'm at a loss, that's why I'm asking. If I start a conversation about her, dissatisfaction begins. Visible, not hidden. It’s unpleasant, as if I forgot my mother, I don’t call, I don’t write…. I treat my mother very well. And this is noticeable even in the smallest details. Yesterday, for example, I decided to go to one of my social networks... To a page that I created but did not visit. And I added my mother to my friends list! It would seem like a small thing, but if I didn’t need it, I wouldn’t do this.

And I promised to buy her a very important thing... Refrigerator with a huge freezer compartment! Because the refrigerator they have has become outrageously freezing. I can’t help but help my mom out. Her sister and her husband live some kind of separate life from their parents’ family, although under the same roof, in the next room. Only I can provide them with any help.

So…. What else did I buy her? When I came to visit in the summer, for a couple of weeks, I immediately bought a cool meat grinder, because the old one “flew” (on the same day that I came to them). Then I bought a teapot (I chose it for my husband’s mother, and my mother really liked the same one). I bought a frying pan and molds. Oh…. I bought a lot of all sorts of little things! But that’s not the whole point! Is my attention really not appreciated?! Why should I be jealous if I love my mother (and without embellishment, and without falsehood).

And mom is jealous. Is there any point in jealousy? Yes, there is no (or even the slightest) meaning in any form of jealousy.

Maybe the example is not entirely successful, but so many couples break up for this reason. I won't quarrel with my mother. It is important to find out the “zealous” reason yourself... What did I do, or am I doing wrong? Why is she jealous of me, as if I haven’t paid any attention to her for a year?

I forgot... I didn’t write that I live far from her. In another city even, although not in another country. But it takes a long time to travel (from eight to ten hours). And more often than not I don’t get to see her, because I work and try to go to her only with my loved one. So as not to cause jealousy, and not to get bored, and not to make him bored. Look how often I “let slip” about jealousy! It’s involuntary to write about something painful. My husband is also jealous, but he let me drink beer with a friend. Right at the entrance, though, but he let me in. Advantageous review! Watched us. I knew that it would be like this, so I was afraid to give Andryusha a friendly kiss on the cheek. There was also a time when we went to the corner of the house for beer. Just at that exact moment, my beloved was looking out of the window for me. He didn’t say anything, he just asked where I had gone. I didn’t make a scene because I bought him a bottle of mineral water. It was inconvenient to start something with “annoyances”.

What to do with mommy and her feelings of jealousy? I know that everything will be resolved. Not as soon as we would like, we have to wait! In seven months, my sister will have a baby. So, mom will be distracted by him. So to speak, he will go headlong into caring. And, in a sense, I will be forgotten a little. The jealous feeling will subside, and I will be able to live more calmly... Don't be surprised by the poetic lines! If we had experienced this, we wouldn’t have written like that!

Reviews and girls' stories:

Lily – Maria:

Is mom jealous of her mother-in-law? - You need to spend more time with your mother. Even if you live far away, don’t forget your mother! In general, for the sake of your mother, you can take a day off from work. And go, for example, from Friday to Monday. This is just a tiny piece of advice... I have never had anything like this in my life before.

Romana:

For example, I would talk to my mother. Maybe you are telling yourself something more, and it is, in fact, not all that perfect. We sat down, discussed it, and talked. But adjust the conversation so that there is no scandalous or abusive “noise.”

Tatiana:

I experienced similar things... Mom told me straight out that she was jealous. But then I managed to convince her that she was the most wonderful. And we managed to do this thanks to an ordinary conversation.

Milona:

Some time will flash by - calm down! Will definitely calm down. You shouldn’t take it all to heart. It’s the same, of course, just like mom…. But you can’t come to an agreement with your heart so that it doesn’t hurt, or stops hurting…. Talking might help!

Martha:

Give her a granddaughter, and bring her often! That's what I did. Jealousy has disappeared. We talked more about her... Let's find something to talk about and so on! We are women who are related to each other! It was I who “stole” the expression from my mother. She always says this when we quarrel and begin to make peace.

Inna:

Read the previous statement, please! There are, after all, very clever speeches on the lines here!

Lolita:

He'll be jealous! Jealousy will pass by, but everything takes time. How much is known to fate, omens, and God. And we will not interfere in those matters that are beyond our control. That's better! Sorry for the word “will be jealous.” Its author is boundless emotionality.

Maria:

Mom loves you, so she was jealous. Yes, indeed, give birth to a granddaughter or grandson for mom and dad! Let them be distracted and plunge back into worries that they began to forget about long ago.

Tatiana:

There cannot be two mothers. One is yours. I think so! I call my mother-in-law as she should be called, by her patronymic, by her first name. But I won’t lead you to jealousy! My mom is my dearest person. And your mother is most likely jealous because you appear at home rarely, and maybe more (judging by distance). How can you rarely visit your mother? Parents are bored!

Lyudmila:

It’s good to come for a visit, but not to be constantly under attack of jealousy. Jealousy is empty, groundless... If it doesn’t work, leave your attention on it so that it moves away and doesn’t bother you. Any further comments will be unnecessary.

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Hello! I am jealous of my daughter's mother-in-law. Until some time, my husband’s parents lived in another city, they saw their granddaughter for the first two weeks of her life, then they went home and didn’t see each other for more than a year, only on Skype. Now they have moved to our city for permanent residence. Before the birth of my daughter, my relationship with my mother-in-law was normal, without tension. We came to visit on vacation (we live in my husband’s apartment). Of course, the presence of other people in the apartment, even relatives, bothered me a little for 1.5-2 months... When the time came to give birth, my mother-in-law wanted to come and help (although my parents live in my own city). At first my husband's parents wanted it. Live in an apartment that you bought for yourself, but it was not furnished. I thought that if that was the case, then it would be normal, they would come during the day. Then for some reason this didn’t suit them and they decided to live with us!!! This didn't suit me at all. I left the maternity hospital in tears (stress, lack of sleep, constant standing, baby crying, pain after childbirth). I wanted to relax, rest... And here the mother-in-law is always nearby, she doesn’t leave the child’s side, she constantly stands over the soul - feeding - watching, rocking - watching, takes it from her husband, as soon as she picks it up in her arms, she won’t put it back! Almost immediately he rushes to the child. I don’t know... In short, I began to be jealous of her. Some kind of depression began, I gained weight, my stomach sagged! Life is over, I thought. Also the presence of strangers at home. They lived for 2 weeks. My mother-in-law was offended by me because I didn’t communicate with her. I wanted to leave early. And it just infuriated me that everything was different, new, I myself didn’t know anything, what to do, everything was the first time for me, and then my mother-in-law was standing there groaning, gasping, inducing panic!!! However, I am not a jealous daughter of my mother! It’s just that she already has a granddaughter, and her mother is somehow not fanatical about it. And the mother-in-law has one son, already an adult, her first granddaughter. Sometimes I had such bad thoughts that she would take my daughter and not give it to me!!! In general, I tried my best to explain my behavior by the unusualness of what was happening... It seemed like they asked each other for forgiveness. They left, and for a whole year I waited in horror for the moment of their final move. I'm afraid that the grandmother will baby her daughter, spoil her a lot, fret over her, rush to her at the first call, regret her for no reason, and in the end, steal her. and the worst thing is that her daughter will love her more than me!!! It’s just that my mother-in-law reacted this way to some moments - we will send her a photo of her granddaughter, she calls her husband and sobs! We can’t communicate on Skype, she’s crying! Horror!!! And so they moved. On the very first day, my daughter made contact with them. Now they follow her everywhere, never leaving a step! Every time the daughter staggers or falls, the mother-in-law groans and clutches her heart. They take her away from me, they say, don’t bother mom. I start playing with my daughter, my mother-in-law immediately repeats after me and takes my daughter’s attention, let’s go for a walk, I take her hand, she immediately grabs the other, I let go, but she grabs it and doesn’t let go! I catch my daughter from the hill, she stands in front of me and catches herself ((at home, too, not a step to the side! As soon as my daughter whines, she runs away, what happened! I discuss some aspects of behavior with my granddaughter, of course... I understand that this is a long-awaited granddaughter, that her mother-in-law sincerely loves her and does no harm and certainly doesn’t think that she loves her more than me, but for some reason such thoughts creep into my head and I can’t calmly watch my daughter run to her and laugh! such fear and that’s all! They will live with us for a month, then they will go to their own apartment, but I have a feeling that they will come every day! But I don’t need that kind of happiness. What should I do? to my daughter. I will try to seem kinder and allow something that I didn’t allow before. It’s just infuriating how they stand over the child and stand over her - eat, eat, play, tell, do, show...

What should I do?

Why is my mother jealous of my mother-in-law? ?

Hello! I am so tired…. My mom is very jealous of my mother-in-law. Seriously, very jealous! Why? I don't know what to do.

At first I thought that everything would change when we lived with her. But I was wrong. We moved. We lived wonderfully until I started talking often about my second mother. My mother (native) was silent or avoided the conversation when the topic of my mother-in-law came up.

What should I do? I'm friends with her. And I’m glad that we have such a relationship! Everyone dreams of just such a relationship. Our mothers also seem to have become friends. When we met. But the jealousy did not go away. I remember one moment well... My legs were sore, red and swollen. It was a great nightmare! But my mother-in-law (then still future) saved me. She made bandages for me. She saved me as best she could, in general. When I called my mother, I naturally talked about her help. Mom was taciturn and sad.

I never got along well with my own mother. We fought more often than we just talked. It seemed to me that she never understood me. I did not feel her real maternal affection and love. Apparently, for this reason I was so “imbued” with feelings for my beloved’s mother.

You will be shocked, but I had the same super-cool relationship with my first mother-in-law! I trusted her with everything and always (like my best friend). And we had such communication with her almost before our divorce. By the way, we still communicate with our ex-husband. When I arrive, we smile at each other (with my mother-in-law) and communicate. Not as close as before, but we are not enemies.

My mother was just as jealous of my first mother-in-law! I tried to explain to her that no one can replace my own mother, no matter what “graters” were with her, but she didn’t believe me.

What to do? What to do?! It’s hard to live with the idea that there will always be ambiguities and misunderstandings. I'm still thinking about plans. My head is already bursting with the abundance of choice!

There was another case... We sat and drank beer with the whole family (mom, me, husband, sister). We sat so heartily that I decided: “the problem is solved!” However, this was not the case! A few days later the “old song” began.

My mommy is not a stupid woman at all, but she thinks all sorts of nonsense! According to the horoscope, she... Calf! All people of this sign are very kind and sympathetic. But they are so stubborn that it is difficult to argue with them. I would like to, although there’s no point!

She's gone now. She went to her godmother’s dacha for several days. When she comes, I’ll talk to her about everything with maximum frankness. I ask God that mommy will finally believe me! I don’t give up, of course, but I don’t have the strength to fight anymore.

Dad sees all this, and so do my relatives. But they are silent so that we can figure everything out ourselves properly. I wouldn't do that! I would most likely intervene tactfully. But I am not my relatives! We are so different from them... I'm surprised myself!

I cry at night. It's hard to be a hostage to a situation. It's hard and unfair! I love my mother very much, but I can’t help but communicate with my second mother just because my mother is “naughty.”

We are soon going to go to a wedding in Ukraine. My mother-in-law will take us. And we will most likely stay there for a week. I decided that I would show my mother the photographs, but I did not intend to tell anything. Otherwise it will start again and again... You know what exactly! It would be better if these were takes played for melodrama!

Maybe I should write a letter to my dear mother? I tried to write messages on my mobile phone several times. And what? She still hasn’t learned to answer them! And this despite the fact that her sister gave her a smartphone for her anniversary! I think she will learn how to type text messages on it. But, for example, it’s inconvenient for me to send anything from touch phones.

If mom is very jealous of her mother-in-law. You can listen to advice.

Read what my friends advise me:

1. “Forget everything and move on with your life! Everything will correct itself. The main thing is to believe. Live and enjoy life!”
2. “Have a frank conversation with mommy. This can't go on any longer! Otherwise, you will go crazy, and mom won’t be able to sleep peacefully.”
3. “Give mom a gift or a surprise. She will understand how you feel about her and will forget incomprehensible jealousies and resentments.”
4. “Give mom more of your time. She should feel needed by you. Do you see how simple everything is?”

Certainly! It’s easier to give out advice than to do anything with it. My head is already spinning, honestly! I’ll share with you a part of my letter, which I wrote to my mother a month ago. This is a draft version, so don’t laugh or be surprised if you notice something “different”:
“My dear mummy! Forgive me if I was wrong about something. Stop being jealous of me, I beg you. She taught me not to be jealous! Do you remember how (in my distant, distant childhood) I was jealous of your sister? You laughed, kissed me on the cheek and said that you loved us equally. I can say the same thing now! I love my mother-in-law very much, but with a different love. I dream that you will understand every word I say, because I put pieces of my soul into every letter.

I love you, mommy! Don't you notice this? Don’t remember that you and I are not on great terms! I have a living and enormous hope that these “failures of fate” will pass. No one can replace you for me! No one can compare with you! You can't imagine how sincerely I write this. I am writing, but I am afraid that you will not read my message. Or you just won't notice it.

Mommy, you and I are adults! Don’t torment me, I beg you, with your mistrust! The fact that I argued with you and left the house is not a reason to think that I don’t have strong feelings for you! All people make mistakes. Many correct them, and many overcome the “problems” and continue life! Let's decide what to do next! In my words... Not a bit of falsehood!

The answer is, I'm sure you won't scribble. But I ask one thing: think about everything you read here! May God grant that everything works out between us. I love you and kiss you, my dear mommy!”

There was a lot more in the letter, but I didn’t rewrite everything so as not to bore you. It was enough for me that you “caught” the whole essence and felt my difficult experiences. Thanks to everyone who “read” me!

Tamara Tashkent Who would write about a good son-in-law who you can rely on? I’m also disappointed in my son-in-law, but I don’t interfere. I expect them to successfully divorce themselves. It seems like it’s my daughter’s own fault (because she wasn’t afraid of running into the gigolo) and now she has to wise up. I feel sorry for the grandson, he no longer receives enough fatherly care and education, he is not yet three years old. Are the sons-in-law some kind of low-quality, smart-ass egoists? Although I shouldn’t think so, because before this a positive young man, well-mannered, respectful, was wooed, but his daughter rejected him. I didn’t appreciate that he immediately showed himself to be humane, respectful, and purposeful; I thought that everyone was like that or even better. While his daughter is “playing the fool,” he went to college, learned his license, almost built a smart house, rented a car with a buyout, and has ideas: raising fish, growing vegetables with his brother. It’s interesting to watch him; he doesn’t live in vain; he learned to play the guitar. He never refuses to help us, call him, always, if anything happens. I wouldn’t be jealous (I wouldn’t worry about my daughter) if they got married, on the contrary, I would love my son-in-law, respect him, I already respect him. I mentally thank my parents for having such a good son. And I can’t respect the one who is with her now; on the contrary, disadvantages are added, the credit of trust is almost exhausted. Moreover, the mother-in-law adds fuel with her claims. I'm tired of this family already.

Kirill Tolyatti Nina, the common thing in the situations with your daughter that you describe is you. It also turns out that you need something from your son-in-law :) Help around the house. He, such a bastard, is most likely not a help. When you don’t make demands (claims for something) on ​​a person, then if you don’t get anything, then you don’t worry. And vice versa, if you expect something from a person, then when you don’t get it, you are disappointed. And the closer a person is and the greater the claims, the greater the disappointment. Maybe you should arrange your family life and set an example. And the example that your daughter may have seen in the family is what guides her behavior on autopilot...

Alexander Kraygorod I read it and understood one thing - another idiot mother shielding her “unfed” daughter, a bully. It’s amazing - the daughter is hanging out at parties at one in the morning, “smartly” dressed and even tipsy, and the husband (or boyfriend) is a goat and a bastard did not come for her, to pick her up from some brothel or redneck at one in the morning when she was drunk and cheerful. I can hardly imagine such a situation at all! But you are right - he is not suitable for your daughter - explain this to your daughter, let him leave the obviously quite normal and properly brought up guy alone and find himself some kind of drunk and partyer to hang out in discos at night.

Nina Kraygorod My daughter recently got married for the third time. The first two marriages I lived far from her and did not know the details of their family life. And now I came home from my earnings. I wanted to help my daughter buy an apartment for her. But the new son-in-law insisted that they would live with his mother and that it was not an apartment that was needed. and the car The son-in-law has a specific job with an unstable cash income and the daughter earns very well The house where the matchmaker lives and the daughter and her husband live turned out to be old and small and in a very unenviable place The young people are going to do major repairs and although I understand that I shouldn’t interfere, I dared to give advice not to renovate the old house but to raise funds for his own separate home. The son-in-law stands his ground. It all ended with him speaking about me in a very rude manner and demanding that his daughter stop all communication with me (This is the condition under which he will continue family relations with her and I am an enemy) My daughter has the sad experience of her first two marriages. This is already the second rude attack in my direction. The first one was when I drew my attention to the fact that my son-in-law has not been working for more than a month and lives at the expense of my daughter (at that time they had just met and were living in an apartment that I was renting daughter in the city where she works) and does not make any attempts to find a part-time job for this difficult period that usually happens at this time of year - lack of work. In general, I heard this addressed to me!!! My daughter has the sad experience of her first two marriages wants to save the family no matter what and assures me that the new chosen one has a good character and many positive traits with the exception of his temper. I live alone in a private house without a husband and really hoped for the help of my son-in-law in all sorts of men’s affairs, but in this situation, what is it now? help and the relationship with my daughter really upsets me. I love her very much, I don’t know what to do. Tell me, kind people!

Anna for Nina Kraygorod Unfortunately, you can’t put your mind into someone else’s head. It’s clear that you don’t like your son-in-law, and he’s not trying to please you. But it’s hardly worth interfering with their family. There is only one thing left to do - wait. Buy a home for your daughter - it can also be rented out. And then time will pass, maybe the young people will change their minds. And in any case, there will be somewhere for the daughter to return if family life does not work out. Your daughter’s own apartment will be an additional factor for self-confidence.

And they will interfere in their relationship, sooner or later the daughter will blame you for the fact that her life did not work out. And in general, even if you don’t like something, tell your daughter, not your son-in-law, in a peachy way, without pressure, calmly, in a consultative tone, and not categorically, as the ultimate truth. Svetlana Kraigorod

a familiar story, Yenya is also the only daughter, the meaning of my whole life is only with her and her grandson, she has been married for 9 years and until recently we lived together, and now my husband and I are alone with the same thing as you, we also live from bell to bell, I cry and sob it seems that I love my husband less than my daughter and my grandson, my grandson is a different story without him at all and life is not nice for 7 years I raised him for 7 years, my daughter worked, I quit my job to sit with him, I didn’t send him to kindergarten and now they are remaking him for themselves and my services are not available needs, the worst thing is that because of this, my son-in-law never began to perceive me normally, he proves his importance in every possible way when the opportunity arises, he is openly rude only in his 50s, I understood the proverb no matter how much you feed the wolf, he still looks into the forest, and my daughter has changed a lot, although she says that what it was like and remains and for her folk wisdom is a cut off piece, but I thought that both me and my special children would live in harmony and understanding, and even in caring for each other, but it wasn’t like that, I wanted to live separately, we went to an apartment, now I’m thinking about what and how can I help them with the purchase of an apartment? My son-in-law doesn’t communicate with my parents at all and my daughter is basically in complete hell. Today I can tell my children my greatest happiness and misfortune at the same time, as well as resentment and disappointment. good article. My two dolls are still so small, and I can hardly imagine how I will “release” them into adulthood. We can only hope that the girls will choose someone similar to my husband (their dad) as their companion, then they will be like behind a stone wall. In the meantime, even at the thought that one day they will grow up, get married and begin to live a life separate from us, it becomes difficult to breathe. I will probably be the most malicious mother-in-law in the world.

Tatiana Kraigorod I am the mother of a growing son. He's in his senior year, he's the only one I have. And it’s somehow scary to release it into life. I believe that he was well brought up and having married the woman he loves, he will most likely take the side of her and her relatives

Tatiana. Kraigorod After another family quarrel, my husband did not pick up my niece from work; she worked in a cafe. It was a winter evening, she was robbed and beaten not far from her home. They no longer live together, although they are married.

Kristina Kraigorod A mother always considers her daughter to be the best and protects her in everything. Here you gave an example that MCH did not meet her.. I was immediately surprised - why does your daughter, living in GB, walk around separately from her “husband” and return late and tipsy? This is strange, wrong. If I were the guy, I wouldn’t go meet her after that either. My husband and I also lived in GB for 3 years, but we always went everywhere together. If he doesn't go to the party, then I don't go, and vice versa.

Captain Nemo Edgegorod The article is similar to many of the fates of our children. But you need to live and observe from the outside. And under no circumstances should you interfere. When a son-in-law comes to us, his mother loves him like her own son, because he is also a child from the same family, why do you have to separate him and point your finger all the time and say that he is a stranger, teach him to love you and he will be drawn to you. I don’t have a daughter-in-law yet, but I will, and I will love her as my child. and if she doesn’t understand this then it will be obvious....

LYUDMILA Kraygorod Tatyana, I UNDERSTAND YOU VERY WELL = I MYSELF ARE IN THE SAME TORTURE SITUATION... I SEE CASES OF AN UGLY, UNMANLY ATTITUDE TOWARDS HER DAUGHTER... AFTER HIS RELATIVES’ ANNIVERSARY, SHE INDIGENTLY TELLS HER HOW HER IS. A 20 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAS FORCED TO DRINK COGNAC AND GRABED BY THE HANDS AND SETTED BACK AT THE TABLE WHEN SHE TRIED TO LEAVE...AND HE LOOKED AT IT AND SMILED. SHE LEFT ALONE FROM A FRIENDS' PARTY WHERE SHE DIDN'T LIKE IT. AND HE LIKED IT - AND HE CAME IN THE MORNING... HIS DAUGHTER WAS INSANE, BUT STAYS WITH HIM. SO I WOULD LIKE TO SAY - UNTIL THERE ARE CHILDREN, LEAVE HIM, NOTHING GOOD WILL HAPPEN WITH THIS RELATIONSHIP OR YOU SHOULD GIVE HER THE OPPORTUNITY TO DECIDE FOR HER OWN... WHAT A HAPPINESS IT IS TO SEE THAT YOUR DAUGHTER IS LOVED. TAKE CARE OF HER. AND HOW SICK AND HELPFUL YOU FEEL WHEN YOUR CHILD IS JUST A GOOD OPTION FOR SOMEONE...

Mother of 2 children Kraygorod Everything is close and familiar)) We have always been together, and this spring my daughters flew out of the nest. I know that they love me and worry about me, but I don’t want to interfere with their happiness either. Remember yourself, we listened to our mothers and fathers a lot, we acted because they thought it was necessary, and yet our parents were worried about us. The main thing is that they know that we love them. And God grant them simple female happiness, and give us patience and understanding.

Tamara Kraygorod I read your article and it’s all about me. My daughter left for her boyfriend a month ago. I cry nonstop, and I also get annoyed when he doesn’t always pick me up from work in the evening. It seems to me that he doesn’t really love her. I say something on her phone, because of this we constantly quarrel, she doesn’t want to go home, because I can’t restrain myself and express something, and I’m always in tears. My husband calms me down, but while in my soul there is only pain and irritation, I understand with my mind that, I’m probably wrong, but I still can’t control myself. I don’t really want to date her boyfriend either. This is how I live from her call to call. Horror!

Natalya Kraigorod You diagnosed yourself: you are driven by jealousy. You should not be driven by jealousy, but by love for your daughter. And keep an eye on your daughter - the fact that she walks around “drunk” is wrong, vulgar, vulgar...

Nadezhda Kraigorod I understand you very much. My daughter recently got married. And although I understand everything, it was hard to leave, the pressure jumped, every evening my eyes were wet. The guy seems to be good, but it’s still worrying: will he take good care of her, will she be happy with him?

Bembi Kraigorod Let your daughter go. It is very difficult for her to be torn between you and the young man. Now he is her family - and until you understand this, it will be difficult for everyone

Yulia Kraygorod Your daughter is very lucky to have her mother. After reading your article, I realized how much I love my mother. Now I understand her concern about my personal life. Thank you for the article!