Every happy family is fat. All happy families are alike, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way "L. Tolstoy

“All happy families are equally happy, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way” (L.T)

Let's start….

I am an age aunt who thinks before answering the question: "How old are you." Because it seems to me, full - on the strength of twenty-five. Well, okay, twenty-seven, because twenty-nine is overkill.

However, I have a few, no, much more, and I have to admit it. Not stroking the soul, but looking in the mirror. Every photo of mine at thirty seemed awful to me, because I am fat, old, ugly.

Every photo at thirty-three is completely erased, because - well, everything is already started.

Every photo at thirty-five evoked melancholy, especially looking at the one at thirty. Looking at those pictures, I thought differently, however, I think now: "My God, what a slender woman, what a beauty!"

Now I don't think at all. Because the photo is not the main thing in my opinion. The mirror is already screaming loudly that it's not me, not me, yeshkin cat, the sweetest of all, blush and so on. Perhaps, by the way, everyone is whiter, a little blue under the eyes and a baked apple as a frame. This I do not exclude.

I have a husband. He is there. I do not want to discuss him, but with his character I could be more beautiful. And smarter, and more secure and in general. It remains a mystery to me why he, having eaten no matter where, in the kitchen or in the rooms, will surely hiccup, like a true Chinese, in front of my eyes, as gratitude for a hearty dinner. And he takes off his socks and puts them in the shoes in the hallway, into which later ... well, this is below. And it is also not clear why he, whatever one may say, like a kebab on a skewer, snores in any position, even standing, but in the way ... well, more on that below.

One, forgive me ... ... Justin Bieber sucks, changed his name. Instead of what I called him, he is now MICHAEL. Killer is simple. Although…. His mother, too, Irina was originally named ..))

The second one there, at the age of three, learned to squeak: "Stop, I told someone!" , "To me!! I say - to me! " and "Poor-me-me, my poor mother ...."

I also have an old pug dog. She is so old that she snores so much that the hammer drill behind the wall of a fat neighbor is nothing, just a flute for the ears. She also smells bad and scatters her fur around the apartment all year round, like the last bitch. If you do not sweep for 12 hours, then it is quite possible, walking around the apartment in socks, to get out of it in natural boots.

And then there are two cats, even older than the dog. Two pissing assholes who, on principle, are already pissing into their shoes, shit at the doorstep and constantly want to eat. So much so that before my eyes they fly up with their fat bodies on the table and try to devour everything that is there, even the apple core left by the second son on the table. I have a shock, my voice breaks down to scream, a grimace spoils a baked apple and thoughts of euthanizing these pensioners do not leave me for the remaining 25 hours a day.

See how unhappy I am in my own way?
Catastrophe…

However ... Here I sit, I write this, in the oven - charlotte, aroma - mmmm ... ..
The junior snores in the nursery. Somewhere out there the elder is walking, and in order not to walk - the big one. The husband is reclining in the bedroom, silently! - he is watching a series about love, at my feet an elderly pug is running somewhere in a dream, and behind, on the back of the kitchen corner, pensioners-cats are sleeping and, which is typical, after all, they have probably already pissed into a standing sock, the one in the boot ... But they sleep so nicely that I had the thought:

I'm happy, too, in my own way. But - happy))))

The most important social. the institution and the basic unit of society is the family - a community of people based on a single common family activity, marital ties and consanguinity.

Of course, each of us has our own ideas about ideal families. L. Tolstoy also has his own position. his saying "all happy families are alike, each

an unhappy family is unhappy in its own way "means: we can easily name the signs of a happy family, because they are universal (in a good family there is harmony, mutual understanding, children are brought up and respect elders, etc.), but at the same time they cannot be identified the causes of the unhappiness of all unhappy families, as the causes of unhappiness are always different.

I cannot but agree with L. Tolstoy's opinion. To argue my point of view, I want to name the main functions of the family: 1) social status, 2) leisure 3) reproductive 4) education and socialization of children 5) economic and economic 6) emotional. In a happy family, all these functions are performed: children are born (reproductive), who receive good upbringing from their parents (social and parenting), and they all spend weekends together, celebrate holidays (leisure), rejoice in success and empathize with the failures of loved ones (emotion .), while the spouses and children do not forget to help each other with the housework (household-economical). In such a family, both children and parents are undoubtedly happy.

But let's imagine unhappy families. In one, for example, the wife does all the housework and the husband does not help her. Household economical. the function of the family is not performed by one of the spouses, and therefore, dissatisfaction is growing, conflicts arise. The family may fall apart. In the other, the emotional-psychological is not realized. family function. How often can you hear that there is no mutual understanding in the family (a common situation: the father comes home late from work and hardly sees his children, does not know how they are doing, etc. Or the wife does not support her husband in a difficult situation) films and programs are dedicated to difficult teenagers that even their parents cannot cope with! These are families where the function of raising and socializing children is not fulfilled. And finally, there are families where not only one, but also two, three or more functions are not fulfilled! For example, these are families of alcoholics, about whom any district police officer can tell and of whom, unfortunately, there are quite a few now.

So, reflecting on this urgent problem, I come to the conclusion: in happy families all functions of the family are realized, that is why they are similar, and in unhappy families, different functions are not performed, therefore "every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."

“Humanity is only habit, the fruit of civilization. It can disappear completely. " F.M. Dostoevsky

Humanity (humanism) is philanthropy, awareness of one's own value and the value of another person.

Humanism emphasizes precisely the human qualities of a person, what distinguishes him from the animal world, and connects him to the spiritual sphere.

"Man stands in the center of the world" - this is the motto of the humanists of the Middle Ages (this is where the origins of this teaching are located). In modern social science, two directions are referred to humanism: anthropocentrism and individualism.

Representatives of humanistic views believe that a good, or at least a neutral beginning, is originally laid in human nature. The destructive forces in people are the result of unmet needs, and not of some kind of innate defects. Indeed, humanism was born against the background of the material well-being of the Italian nobility and bohemians (artists, writers), when their physiological needs were satisfied, people felt safe. Then a desire arose for the main content of humanism (according to Maslow) - the creative transformation of the surrounding world.

Obviously, Maslow's teaching coincides with the worldview of the great Russian writer of the 19th century, Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoevsky. I, like Dostoevsky, am not sure that after a global catastrophe humanity will preach the ideals of humanism. Most likely, it will strive for survival.

But in everyday life without global upheavals, the values ​​of humanism need propaganda and protection. For example, the second generation rights from the Universal Declaration of Human Rights of 1948, securing a person the right to spiritual improvement.

Much, of course, depends on this issue and on the individual principles of each person. There are people who, on a ship in distress, first of all save women and children, and then save themselves. These are personalities with a capital letter. They will not be able to live in peace if they do otherwise.

Conclusion: in order not to lose self-esteem, it is necessary to remain human in any situation.

A child can grow up to be a prosperous, self-confident person, capable of building constructive relationships with others, only in a healthy, harmonious family. Remember the bearded classic's saying that all happy families are equally happy, and all unhappy families are unhappy in different ways?

Psychologists also wondered how differently families are unhappy, and came to the following classification of disharmonious (unhappy) families:

1. There is no partnership between parents, one of them is always in charge, the other only obeys.

2. There is no emotional attachment between family members, everyone lives on their own, family members are not united in solving life problems.

3. A falling apart family - very conflicted, with constant talk about divorce.

4. The tyrant's family - one family member in a very harsh manner tells others what they should and should not do; all the efforts of the rest of the family are aimed at pleasing him, not angering him, there is no two-way emotional warmth in the family, everyone seeks to protect his inner world from the tyrant's invasion.

5. Families where one of the members suffers from alcohol or drug addiction. Members of such families feel uncomfortable: they do not want to return home, the family is uncomfortable, all the time they need to hide their thoughts and feelings, mutual irritation and displeasure reigns in the house.

As a rule, in such families, adults solve their emotional problems at the expense of the child. First of all, he receives less warmth, which is so necessary for children for normal development, he feels rejected, a burden for parents who are already full of troubles. Whatever happens in the family, children always feel responsible for what is happening (they blame themselves for what is happening), and in order to somehow get rid of the feeling of guilt, the child tries to take on the emotional problems of the parents. It turns out a monstrous situation: a child, who does not receive the attention and warmth he needs, also takes care of his parents. It is not surprising that such children very quickly become neurotic, suffer from various developmental delays, do not know how to build relationships with peers: either show excessive aggressiveness, or, conversely, do not know how to stand up for themselves; in school, as a rule, they study much worse than they can.

In addition, a child growing up in this anxious, oppressive family atmosphere (he has never seen anything else in his life!), Having matured, reproduces the same relationship in his family - either as an aggressor or as a victim.

I would like to remind you that one of the main functions of a family is to provide the necessary emotional support to all its members. This means that in a disharmonious family, adults must reconsider their relationships in order to make them healthier. There are many opportunities for this, but often the sincere desire of the spouses to qualitatively change their relationship, discuss all possible options for a joint future and dwell on those that would suit both are sufficient.

Do not rush to get divorced, because if you do not solve your problems with this partner, you will have to solve the same problems with another. But if you do not get divorced, then do not hesitate to resolve your life situation: the sooner you start working with it, the more chances you have for success. Do not forget that a child grows up in the family and he has the right to a happy childhood.

But keeping a failed marriage unchanged because of children, as many do, is not worth it.

Divorce affects the child in the same way as parental quarrels and the atmosphere of tension in the family - very negative. But the longer the family trouble lasts, the stronger its negative impact on the child, and boys suffer more than girls. Studies have shown that the aggressiveness of boys in families with frequent conflicts is higher than that of their peers from broken families, whose behavior returns to normal by the end of the second year after their parents divorced.

If it is possible to create a constructive optimistic atmosphere in the new incomplete version of the family, then we can assume that the divorce was a success and it will certainly open up new horizons of a happy life for both the parent and the child.

vedmochka.com (Looking for signs of happy families)

Photo 1 of 3: We are looking for signs of happy families © vedmochka.com

Yes, Leo Tolstoy let us down! He said something, but forgot to decipher! Scientists from different countries had to continue his work and find the same universal signs of happy families!

What rules must be followed in order to qualify for the title of a happy family?

Observe the rituals

This discovery belongs to American psychologists Linda Berg-Cross, Christine Daniels and Peggy Carr. They interviewed 77 women and found that those of them who managed to live in a happy marriage for 10 years or more paid a lot of attention to family rituals.

The concept of "family ritual" includes such cute habits as giving slippers to dad returning from work and more global ones. For example, the joint celebration of all birthdays and Christmas. There is, however, one important nuance: family rituals should be developed jointly and performed not only voluntarily, but also with joy.

Dinners together

This principle was discovered by Miriam Weinstein, a psychologist and author of The Amazing Power of Family Meals. In her opinion, joint dinners are a prerequisite for family happiness. Moreover, the family should gather at the table at least 5 times a week. Prerequisite: switched off TV! Otherwise, a family dinner, as a way of communication, loses its meaning.

About age, education and social status

Research by British scientists from the University of Bath is extremely accurate. Having carefully researched the married life of 1.5 thousand married couples, they came to the conclusion that:

Most often, unions break up in which the wife is three years or more older than her husband. In such families, divorce occurs three times more often than in families where the husband and wife are the same age.

Couples in which husbands are five years older than their wives are more likely to have a long family life.

A family breaks up faster if one or (much worse!) Both spouses have already had to break off family relations. Couples where only one of the spouses has been divorced are much more stable than those in which both spouses went through a divorce.

Another fact: scientists have calculated that the most likely to live happily ever after are couples in which the wife is much more educated than her husband. That's it ...

Let's give the floor to children

Barbara Kerr, a psychologist at the University of Arizona in the USA, decided to look for the answer to the eternal question of marital happiness in children. Indeed, who can give a more accurate assessment of the quality of a family if not children? She tested 247 students thoroughly. Purpose: to find those who lived in an unconditionally happy family. 30 people were selected, the circumstances of their happy childhood were carefully analyzed.

Conclusions:
- A happy family is a complete family with at least two children.

In 70% of happy families, both parents spent a lot of time at home. This opportunity was given to them by the creative profession of an artist, musician, photographer. Mothers, having given birth to a child, stayed at home for a long time, without turning, however, into a “house hen”. A happy wife and mother are always distinguished by a creative approach to any business, be it cooking, cleaning or sewing.

Happy kids are always busy. Sports, music, art schools. And all this - with the active interest of parents in the success of their children.

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The classic was right when he wrote about the peculiarities of happy families. "All happy families are equally happy, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."
A happy family is daily work, and above all on oneself. But this does not mean that it is a duty or obligation. Remember the moment when you first met, did caring for a loved one associate you with a duty?
1 husband is the head of the family. If you want to be behind your husband like a stone wall, give him that opportunity!
2 Stop competing, act as one. A man and a woman are not competitors, they complement each other! Rejoice in each other's success sincerely.
3 Goodbye, talk, do not conceal resentment! Try to never go to bed without speaking the situation. Not everything looks the way it really is! People cannot read each other's minds. If something bothers you in a relationship, if the moment has come when you are in dire need of attention, do not expect a man to guess about it, to see it in your eyes. Just talk about it!
4 Deliver a pleasant tactile experience. Kiss, hugs, touch! These seemingly innocent caresses make you very close!
5 Ask for help. There is no shame in this. Allow yourself to be weak and let the man feel strong. However, do not forget to come to the rescue yourself!
6 Take time for yourself. A multifaceted and versatile woman is always more attractive to her partner. Help develop your husband's talents, be his muse!
7 If you recently had a baby or you are preparing for its appearance, be prepared for the fact that contact between a man and a child is not always established from the first days. The most critical female mistake in this such situation: completely dissolve in the child, pushing her husband into the background.
8 If you are sick, do not be ashamed to be weak.
9Communicate heart to heart and just about everything in the light. Try to get together with your family at the table and just chat!
10 Sex. Sex plays a very important role in family life, especially for the first years of life. Ideally, the spouses should match the temperaments. But do not forget that you cannot build happiness on sex alone!
11 Relax with the whole family together. In my opinion, the joint experienced positive emotions unite the family very much!
12 Money. Views on their distribution and spending should be the same. Financial harmony plays a very important role in the family.
13 a material expression of love. Give each other gifts, flowers, etc. with or without reason.
14 Patience. Be tolerant of the requirements and disadvantages of the spouse. None of us are perfect ...
15 Emotional support. Support each other not only in good and negative periods in your life!
16 Admire each other! But only do it sincerely.
17 Show tenderness and concern. Always remember that you are not the only one who needs attention.
18 Do not skimp on verbal signs of attention! (like "Sunny", "Kitty", or so straightforward "My love ...") Give each other sincere compliments!
19 Create family traditions. This is very unifying.
20 exchange vows of loyalty and love.
21 remember that you love one another. Even when you are angry with each other.
22 Consult each other. Often, two solutions come out a third (common) which will not only triple everyone, but will also be wiser
23 Trust each other. Trust is something that cannot be bought, value it.
24 Do not discuss your rug's actions in front of strangers, even if it's your mom. Try to make the remark in private.
25 Respect each other.
26 Put yourself in your spouse's shoes. Maybe then you will understand the causes and consequences of actions.

PS: I wrote mainly for myself, I do not pretend to be the words of the last resort. If anyone can help, I will be very glad! And I will also be glad for the additions! I'm not at all an ideal wife, but I strive for it.