The cause of quarrels and troubles in family relationships. Prayer to eliminate family troubles Activities family troubles personal experiences

Complaints about “bad years” are heard from everywhere: a merchant complains about bad trade, a peasant complains about a bad harvest, an artisan complains about a lack of income. In a word, we all, without exception, complain about our bad life. And at the same time, we all look back and remember the “good old days” when everyone lived so well.

Why was life good before? Yes, because our grandfathers and fathers feared and honored God more than you and I, understood and fulfilled His holy law better than us; lived as God commands, and not as everyone wants.

The elders were sober and hardworking; We didn’t wander around the taverns. Family ones obeyed unquestioningly the will of their father, mother or older brother; younger brothers obeyed their elders. Everyone in the family knew and fulfilled their responsibilities and did not lay down their work for others. Everyone cared about everyone, and everyone cared about everyone. There were enough people in the family for every task. The penny earned through sweat and blood was saved for needs, for a “rainy day.” They didn’t care about outfits, but wore only what they could make with their own hands and with their own means. In a word, before life was better because everyone lived according to God, according to the law of Christ, and not according to their own customs, and because children did not disobey their parents, and the younger ones did not disobey their elders.

What do we have now? It’s rare to find a large family anywhere! Everyone shared and everyone quarreled. Everyone fights and complains over bread, and everyone is neither full nor hungry.

But why is our life worse now? We have a bad habit of blaming all our failures and misfortunes either on people, or on the devil, or, finally, on God. “God wanted it this way, God punished it,” they say. This is the delusion one can reach, as if God can and has ever done evil to us! We always know how to shift our blame onto others.

We do not look at our actions and at ourselves and do not want to look at them, and therefore we always excuse ourselves for everything, no matter what we do wrong. For all our needs and misfortunes, others are to blame, but we ourselves are pure and right in everything. When in fact we ourselves are, for the most part, the cause of all our misfortunes. We refer to “bad years,” but in reality we ourselves are often the enemies of our own well-being. Let's look at our family life and won't we find that our needs and misfortunes arise and arise abundantly from discord and disagreement in our families?

There is a lot of untruth in our family life. Or the eldest in the family likes to drink too much, and thus wastes the money obtained by the sweat and blood of the household. And if he doesn’t drink, then he allows himself some other abuses in his family life. And here our children, as soon as they get on their feet, really don’t want to obey their parents. Younger brothers do not listen to elders. Everyone wants to be the first and eldest in the family.

Everyone wants to be in charge. Everyone likes to have more fun and work less. Others go outside and do not send money home to their relatives, who, perhaps, watered and fed his family for a whole year. All this together entails family quarrels, and where there is enmity, quarrel and untruth, do not expect good things, there the economy falls into decay. After quarrels there are fights, and after them divisions; divisions are followed by even greater need; from need there are even more misfortunes, all one to one!

So judge for yourself what the “bad years” have to do with it, and why the Lord will send us happiness and success in our affairs, when we have all deviated from God and His holy law. Woe to us, foolish and wicked! ("Sunday", 1887, pp. 1051-1054.)

The other day I had a consultation with one of my students. I always ask at the beginning of a coaching session how the person is doing. What a person says is not as interesting to me as his voice, state and energy. So, the student began to tell me that everything was fine with her, absolutely wonderful, but I felt that notes of frustration were “playing” in her voice.

In general, it turned out that she had quarreled with her husband in the morning. And in general, they often quarrel. And all because of little things, ordinary everyday issues. I asked her to describe in detail the situation, when and why the quarrel occurred.

And so she began to tell me everything, and from her story it was obvious that he was to blame: “He did this, he said this, he didn’t want that,” and so on.

I asked her: “Tell me how to describe the situation more correctly: did he offend you or were you offended?”

Of course he is! That's what he did.

I asked the following question: “So, it turns out that your life depends on him?”

So that you better understand the situation, I’ll clarify that this girl does her own business, she has her own beauty salon, and she provides cosmetic services. Everything is fine with her money, and, in general, she’s great, she’s created an excellent business, provides excellent services, she has many regular clients who have been using her services for more than 3 years. In November, she bought mentoring (and before that, she had participated in trainings since September) so that I could help her improve relationships in her family and help her husband increase his income. By the way, for November my husband’s income was 40 tr. increased to 63 tr. This is her great merit.

In general, she is a successful girl, very wise, bright and a professional in her field.

But for some reason, even girls who are successful in business in the family forget the simple laws of life, although in business they strictly follow them.

I continued to ask questions to better understand her thinking in relationships: “Who is responsible for your relationship with your husband?”

“Both of us, 50/50,” she replied!

And here is the key answer, the root of all problems in family relationships!

In business she takes 100% responsibility, but in relationships she takes only 50%.

If she takes 50% of the relationship, it means that family relationships depend on someone else, but not on her.

This seems logical. If there are 2 people, then the responsibility is divided equally.

But the laws of life are illogical.

I told her: “You bear 100% responsibility for your relationship with your husband!” “What about the husband???,” one could read in her voice. So I continued: “The husband is also 100% responsible for your relationship.” And when a husband and wife each take 100% responsibility, then the relationship is ideal.

Such a simple truth, but so few people apply it in relationships.

Now she realized that it was she who was offended, and not her husband who offended her, because to be offended or not is her personal choice.

We moved on. I was sure that the model of “being offended” stretches from the distant past. And it's not about the husband at all. And, of course, it all started with the father, because the father is the first man of any girl. And the relationship with your husband depends on how your relationship with him develops. Therefore, always first of all, when working on family relationships, you first have to establish relationships with your father/mother.

It turned out that her father never praised her.

When she received a B, he asked: “Why not an A?”

When she received an A, he asked: “Did anyone get an A plus? Why wasn’t it you?”

When she boasted that she had done well in class, her father would ask if she had done the best.

It was obvious that the father had not become the best at something, and now he tried to transfer this “being the best” to his daughter. But she's a girl!!! She doesn't need to be the best. She needs to be happy!

So all her life she expected praise from him, did not receive it and, of course, was offended. Resentment towards the father is firmly rooted in feelings and in the subconscious. And now exactly the same thing is happening to my husband. I know my husband because he also studies with me and passed, and now -. He is a very strong-willed, strong, purposeful man. He loves her very much and does not want to offend her. But she is so accustomed to being offended by her father since childhood that he, without even realizing it, can offend her. Wives can subconsciously program men to do certain actions.

In general, through meditation and working with the subconscious, we forgave our father. I showed her that there is no need to expect praise from anyone - praise yourself, love yourself, admire yourself and then the whole world will praise and love You!

This is the kind of fundamental coaching session we had.

Merciful and gracious God, beloved Father! You, by Your merciful will and Your Divine providence, placed us in a state of holy marriage, so that we, according to Your establishment, would live in it. We are comforted by Your blessing, spoken in Your word, which says: He who finds a wife has found good and received a blessing from the Lord. Lord God! Make us live with each other in Your Divine fear. Also make sure that we live in peace and harmony, that in our marriage we love chastity and honesty and do not act against them, that peace reigns in our home, and that we preserve an honest name. Grant us the grace to raise our children in fear and teaching for Thy Divine glory, so that You can arrange praise for Thyself from their lips. Grant them an obedient heart, may it be good for them and may they live long on earth. Grant us also our daily bread and bless our food. Protect our home and heritage so that the evil enemy and his weapon cannot harm them. And when You, Lord God, want to send suffering and sorrow upon us, then grant us patience so that we obediently submit to Your fatherly punishment, and act mercifully with us. If we fall, do not reject us, support us and raise us up again. Ease our sorrows and comfort us, and do not leave us in our needs. Grant to us that we do not prefer the temporary to the eternal, because we brought nothing into the world with us, and we will not take anything out of it. Do not allow us to cleave to the love of money, this root of all misfortunes, but let us strive to advance in faith and love and achieve eternal life to which we are called.
God the Father bless and keep us. May God the Son enlighten us with His light and have mercy on us. May God the Holy Spirit turn His face to us and give us peace. May the Holy Trinity guard our entrance and exit from now on and forever. Amen.

Martyrs and Confessors

Oh, glory to the martyr Guria, Samona and Aviva! We, weak and unworthy, come to you, as quick helpers and warm prayers, earnestly praying: do not despise us, who have fallen into much iniquity and keep us warm all the days and hours wandering; guide the erring on the right path, heal the suffering and mourning; keep us in a blameless and chaste life; and as in ancient times, so today, the patrons of marriages, abide in love and unanimity, affirming and delivering from all evil and disastrous circumstances. Protect, O mighty confessors, all Orthodox Christians from misfortunes, evil people and the snares of demons; Protect me from unexpected death, beseeching the All-Good Lord, that great and rich mercy may be given to us, His humble servant. We are not worthy to call upon the magnificent name of our Creator with unclean lips, if not you, holy martyrs, will intercede for us; For this reason we resort to you and ask for your intercession before the Lord. So deliver us from famine, flood, fire, sword, invasion of foreigners, civil strife, deadly plagues and every soul-destroying situation. Hey, passion-bearers of Christ, arrange for us through your prayers all that is good and useful, so that a pious life has passed and the death of the shameless one will be rewarded with your warm intercession with all the saints at the right hand of the Righteous God the Judge, and Him to unceasingly glorify with the Father and the Holy Spirit forever. Amen.