How to behave with guests, who will not leave. Uninvited guests: what to do with them and how to avoid them when guests go

20 years ago American writer Ellen Fein and Sherry Schneider collected in their best-selling tips on how a woman to get a dream man. Since then, a feminist movement has been revived and strengthened, and such literature received a "sexist" stamp. However, the "new rules" is reprinted until now and find a lot of fans and sequences. What is the secret?

Over the years, Guru Ellen Faine and Sherry Schneider analyzed the behavior of women happy in the personal life of women - those who had many fans who were successfully married and was happy in marriage. Oprah Winfrey called their bestseller "Rules for the conquest of the heart of a man of your dreams" phenomenon and twice invited authors to their talk show. People's magazine took the book to the MUST-read category, and glossy magazines called it a better edition of the relationship. The authors assure: over 20 years of the "Rules" existence, millions of women were able to feel their absolute efficiency. They received a relationship full of love and respect that flew into a happy and strong marriage. In the "New Rules", the writer helps modern women and girls to communicate through Facebook, Skype, SMS, etc. And at the same time stay mysterious, support the hunter instinct in a man when there are so many "easy prey" around it, get married in the era, when everyone lives in civil marriages and are in no hurry to take responsibility.

"Men love difficulties and lose interest when the object of this interest is and in particular the woman - it gets too easy."

"The secret way to get a guy: be a difficult task for him. Contact him as if he were so indifferent, "Calling Ellen Fein and Sherry Schneider. In their opinion, it is necessary to create an atmosphere of mystery and make a man passionately wish meetings with you that at current times a rarity is rare. "Rules" is a way to communicate with any man (provided that he is the first to have a conversation with you, personally or on the Internet), thanks to which he becomes obsessed with you and is ready for a serious relationship. "

How to marry a man's dreams, according to Ellen Fane and Sherry Schneider

Be a girlfriend, unlike the rest and look like a girl, unlike the rest.

Do not approach the man first and do not start the conversation, do not call and do not write the man's first.

Do not invite men to a date using SMS, social networks and no other way.

Lose at least 4 hours before answering the first message of the man, and at least half an hour before responding to each subsequent message.

"Talk / letteen later": Always and complete the first one - and disappear from sight!

Do not respond to SMS and any other messages after midnight.

Do not take an invitation to Saturday a date later. "Right girls" lead a rich life. Of course, you have already made plans for the weekend before Thursday came! If he invites you too late, do not arrange him. Just tell me that you are very sorry, but you are busy.

Make yourself "invisible" for instant messaging. Even if nothing happens in your life, you should not notify the guy about it, instantly answering his messages. As with any other form of communication, he must wait for the opportunity to talk to you. To be interesting to you, he will have to work seriously. Do not deprive a man of this opportunity, immediately responding to messages and settling on the online clock! Remember, you have your own life (study, work, friends, hobbies, training and, as we hope, dates), and only 10 minutes remain on the chatter and no more. If a guy needs a lot to tell you and ask a lot, he can do it during a date!

Do not take it from him 24 hours a day seven days a week.

Relationships at a distance: let him suggest to communicate more often on Skype and visit you.

Do not write to men first, ignore emoticons and winks on online dating sites.

Do not pay for dinner and at all any way do not buy his love.

Do not commit self-destructive actions, meeting with married men. If he wants to see you, tell him to call you when it becomes a bachelor. And after that, no communications, forget it, say "Next!" - And focus on the search for men who are really free.

Do not meet a man who is more than once than once again.

Do not send a man anything like that it would be unpleasant to leave him in case of your parting.

Do not agree to sex for one night and meaningless ties.

Do not hurry to sleep with a man. "The right girl" makes the guy wait to help him fall in love with herself, in her soul, in her essence - and not only in the body. The longer you are delaying sex, the longer he can care for you, plan romantic meetings and dream of you. Men love difficulties and do not appreciate anything that is given to them too easily, especially this concerns sex!

Do not meet a man without commitment! If your relationship lasts more than a year and at the same time they "correct" (you allowed a man to "chase you", met with him no more than 2-3 times a week, refused to spend your holidays with him, did not move to him), then The most helped him fall in love with you and want to marry. A man wants to see you more and more. But if a year later, a man did not suggest marry him, he should tell him that you are a girl of old-fashioned education and are not going to meet anyone. If he starts justifying, suggest making a pause in relationships. Ask him to think about everything alone and call when it will be ready for obligations.

Guests in the house are always straining. Especially uninvited. Especially those who arrived not at an hour and not for the day, but on the principle "not yet brand name" or "While the owners will not begin to look at the calendar."

First, you are pleased to guests: prepare the room, try to feed delicious, etc. (What, of course, is normal). Then you are tired, you are physically bad from the presence of other people's house. You annoy other people's habit: when your things put on, leave the puddles in the bathroom, do not consider it necessary to help. In the end, you are forced to say that you yourself are leaving. Your guests disappear, but with your return, they again on the threshold of your apartment, and you almost root from anger. What to do with obsessive guests?

Your trouble is that you want to please in every way to kill relatives. Behold that they will have a bad opinion about you. So, the sooner you part with this idea, the rest will be better for you.

Want to minimize unpleasant surprises, disappointment and, maybe even quarrels? Then teach your expensive lovers to travel to some thoughts.

Self say that you do not like when you come to visit without invitation and warnings. Because people go to visit only if their name is. Before each visit, they must call in advance and ask whether you are ready to accept them (maybe you will not be, maybe you need to buy products).

Your home is not rubber, and 1-2 guests are not at all the same as a family of 3-4 people. Consequently, the number of people willing to come should also be discussed in advance; Keep some kind of hint or tell me that only the closest relatives are accepted in your home (i.e., mother-in-law, beet and brother / sister of her husband) and no more than three days.

Let's understand your relatives that your phone and address is categorically rebeling to distribute all countrymen wishing to see your city. Your hospitality does not apply automatically on their friends and acquaintances. If unfamiliar people call you and ask permission to stop in your house, referring to Mariovna from the upper Olkhovka, the most reasonable thing is to refuse.

How to refuse? It is not easy to put out of the parties when they have already penetrated the house. But no one can make you invite them again. And there is no reason to be upset - enough for them and once, and you may have the reasons for which their presence in the house is undesirable. Just say "Manya, Lena, Katya, I'm sorry, but we will not be able to take you." Without explaning the reason. You are not obliged to justify, you are the owners of this house, your right is to turn it into a hotel or not. If a stupid question arises, "why?", - Answer "So the circumstances have developed."

Original entries and comments on

Why can not be removed when someone left?

This is based on superstitions and signs.

In order not to break the connection with the man who left. Do not wash his traces.

For example, after the dead when they bring out of the house, on the contrary, the floors are immediately moaned so that he can not return back.

It is impossible, of course, revenge the floors and wash them after leaving close to the house. It is believed that in this way, energy traces of people who went to the road are noticed or closed and they will be harder to go back, find the way to home. The invisible energy relationship of the left and remaining energy communications is broken. It is better to wait, not to remove in the apartment at least a day, nothing terrible will happen.

You can not get out in the house (apartment) until the left will not come to the destination.

Somehow I went to Taiga (long-distance business trip) and in a week I had to get to the place. The wife thought that I was already on the spot (cellular connection then was not) and started the general cleaning a week later. And I got into the blizzard, the road was covered, the car broke down and I had to get to the destination for a whole month. I almost do not closed then, the snow was under 2 meters of height and frost about -30 degrees. It is good that the all-terrain trade with geologists arrived on time - they helped with fuel and reported to the database, and they sent the car for me.

Here you have a simple cleaning from impatience.

Such a sign that cannot be removed in the house after leaving close, is widely known, and as far as I know, all hold it. It is believed that if you begin to sweep, then rent out of the person's house, and it will not come more. There is a good sign, following the leaving person to splash water from a glass or a mug, and then everything will be fine with him.

Yes, according to the signs, it is necessary to get out of the departure of any people from home after he got to the place or when he accurately settled with the road. For example, sat on the train-aircraft.

This is due to the fact that all sorts of memories of a person are removed from the house with cleaning. While a confusion, which is peculiar to any fees on the road, will remind the owners of those people who left their home. Remembering them, the owners will share their energy, as if helping their feelings and thoughts in the way.

But now comes when all unpredictable road situations are almost over, it becomes clear that the transport moves in the right direction - and you can wish happily get to the place and take it for your affairs.

Compliance with such signs adhere to many, and this is not unreasonable. Here in this case there is a retention of an energy relationship with those who left. The man on the subconscious is held with close on the road, thinking about them, and the remaining thinking about him, wish a good way. This contributes to the heat and energy left at home in the form of traces. Thought because material. If we constantly in my thoughts we wish good, then we help this person.

Indeed - there is such a sign. It is impossible to move anything, wash or vacuuming while the left person will not reach the final destination. Allegedly, otherwise, the road will be heavy. It still goes from ancient times. If the man got out of the village and goes to the next village - then his spouse sweep his house and feed the cattle, until the husband comes to visit. Otherwise, it was unclean to freeze the power. So wait for the call that the person came / flew, and then you can go out.

There is such a belief that it is impossible to seriously remove the house when someone is in the absence of home. Also it is impossible to sweep the floor when the homemade only left the house. It will notice that the way home is noticed. All this is how it cuts off the way home from it. Believe it or no matter everyone. But many signs and superstitions work, as not strange.

The people say that it is impossible to be removed, since that man will not be the road. Rather, good luck will not be on the road, that is, there will be some problems, difficulties, non-critical situations. It is better to wait until the person gets to the destination, but then you can already be removed in the house with a clean conscience.

This tradition comes from ancient custom. It is believed that if a person left, and you immediately began to get into the house, you can tear all ties with him. And never see him again in a lit house.

Either cleaning after leaving a person can overlap him good luck on the road.

It is impossible to clean the day when a person left you, and the next day you can wash the floors without fear.

Intentionally wash the floors, not wanting to see a person, it is better not necessary, but it can return a hundredfold.

Playing a welcoming owner or hostess quickly annoyed if you invited people who began to abuse your hospitality day by day. I would like to believe that this is only an annoying misunderstanding on their part, and that a polite reminder will make them go away. But some guests would seem to never understand the hints. Knowing how to behave with guests who began to perceive your home as a hotel, is the most valuable skill in the host arsenal.

Steps

Install borders and keep sanity

Specify the temporary frame in the invitation. Prevention is the key. Clearly and clearly designate when staying in your home begins and ends, and it does not matter whether the guest comes to dinner or staying sleeping. In any case, it will help you save a good name if you have to specify the door to the door.

Make a schedule. This is especially appropriate if the guest comes to vacation / on vacation. Make a tight schedule of joint classes, and at least one item will be inserted at the end. It does not matter whether you will leave the best finally or just want to relax on the last day, the main thing is to write the action plan, so that it was convenient to hint the guest that his stay is over.

• If you are satisfied with the party, but could not install the frames in advance, a short phrase: "I think it's enough," on the face of the owner should show that evening approached the end.

1. Never forget about the time "on yourself." It doesn't matter how much the guest stops (but especially if for a long period), always allocate the time to relax in private in your own home. The main thing is to warn the guest in advance about this so that there is no misunderstanding. Let him know when you usually go to bed and when you wake up so that he does not interrupt your sleep.

   • Also think to clearly define places in the house where the guest may be. Most likely, you will experience awkwardness or irritation, if you find it in your bathroom (if you have two of them), when you did not think there to clean.
   • In the extreme case, you can buy him tickets for a concert or another event outside the house. Try to honestly say that you need to stay at home alone, even if not long.

2. Do not let the desire to be a good owner call you a feeling of discomfort. Take a rule to be a bad owner, only when the guests come. But be it early morning or late evening, you can not always have a desire to play a maid or concierge. It is clearly and firmly to present this moment to the guest - you do not intend to lower your standard of living.

Poor hospitality

Ignore guests. Stop communicating and do not notice them as much as possible. Do it in the most extreme case, as it is necessary to answer the rudeness to rudeness. However, some guests are so unattended that they do not understand the hints. When a person feel that they treat him how to some cable worker and that it is no longer a welcome guest, he will be more than happy to leave.

• However, do not let him have fun. Many terrible guests will be happy to sit in front of your large TV in silence. Pretend that the TV broke, and tell me that the man himself prepared himself dinner. Stop being a benevolent owner and turn the guest to the neighbor in the room.

1. Do something that he does not like. Throw boredom if you know a fair guest quite well, and do everything that takes it out of themselves. Include annoying music, insist on reading Pushkin poems, block television programs, in general, take all necessary measures. Guests are delayed because, despite all attempts to expel them, they prefer to be where they are. Make them to change your mind, and in the moment they will be outside the door. It is already extremely extreme measure, but nothing can be done. If nothing of the above did not have any effect on the guest, nothing remains, except to declare: "It's time for you to leave." At this stage, do not ask him to go away, but tell me about it. Make as in the bar: turn off the light, lift the chairs. Do not leave the chance for further stay.

2. If it comes to what you have to specify people on the door, be prepared to some extent to hurt their feelings.

"Come visit the mother-in-law. Take to live for a couple of weeks. "From the ads on the women's forum.

Do you love unexpected guests? And under the guests it means not a girlfriend, which ran into the tea, and not a crowd of friends with whom you selflessly sing songs under the guitar. We are talking about guests with a capital letter G - about those after which there is an empty refrigerator who fell into the hysterical cat and a firm conviction: "More - never!"

Worse than Tatarin

Masha:

- I somehow came the guy to visit Moscow arrived. I met in Smolensk, he actor, came to us on tour, and I did the plot there. Then they began to communicate. With him in Smolensk spent excellent time. And in the evening he drank home. And then I wake up once in the morning, and I comes a message: "Hi, what are you doing?" I answer: "Sleep". He: "And I came to visit you."

I used to dream of any such story, but in reality a person was very surprised in reality. We quarreled, he went one around the city. I was going through. In the evening, he came with a big teddy bear. As a result, they broke up well, but he no longer came to visit me. And with the bear I still sleep.

To avoid such situations, watch the tongue. Often we throw in a conversation: "Well, you do not forget, come to visit." For you, this is so, the turnover of speech, and a person, maybe already a suitcase begins to collect.

Rule number 1.Do not invite anyone to visit the politeness or for the sake of a red sense.

It also happens…

Vera:


— We invited us somehow with a young man for a birthday on kebabs in a picnic zone. We knew only the birthday girl. We come to the place - there all the faces are unfamiliar, the culprie of the celebration departed somewhere (he ran for drink). I got acquainted, drank wines. For an hour, all friends became the best. The birthplace is returning, and here the confusion is not the same. It turned out, the clearing was mistaken. They spent us to the desired glade, they rested everything together.

I came to you forever to settle

Nowadays, when personal space is almost sacred concept, please send to live for several days perceived as an invitation to the execution.

When the secondary aunt of the father's sister arrives in your city with a visit and two daughters entering the institute, and intends to live with you "a couple of weeks, no more", refuse to deny it in hospitality awkward. Suggest a aunt to go to the hotel it is impossible - relatives will be offended and will not understand. In this case, the smaller evil will be placed than a few weeks to creak teeth and eventually break.

Rule number 2. It is better to refuse immediately than then to invent reasons, however to offer positiveunexpected guests Clear ravis.

Let them know what you have

- repairs begins;

- You decided to leave and rent an apartment for a while.

If you have a warm relationship with alleged guests, but I don't want to let anyone in your house, you can find an inexpensive removable apartment and even help with part of payment.

On the other hand…

Nadia: 


- My husband and I are journalists, we go a lot on a business trip. Fine when there is an opportunity to stay at the acquaintances. There is no money for the hotel, and I want to save. Therefore, we never refuse to those who ask for a few days to stay, knowing that tomorrow the same service will be needed.

HELLO I'M YOUR AUNT

Oleg:

- Twice a year, our houses are at home: the relatives of the wife, who study in absentia, come to our city at the session. Usually it is two weeks of hell - first they teach at night, then drink at night. In their free time, they ask them to entertain them, show the Red Square and carry in Ikei. Our double-room becomes like a student dormitory - everywhere abstracts, books, on the floor are decomposed inflatable mattresses. We are not smoking your wife, but they do not strive to smoke at night in the kitchen in the window. The last drop was that after passing the next exam, the guys dragged home to us - the hosts, they say, will not be against, such a holiday! I could not stand and said that next year we will not be able to take them, because we start to make repairs. They are a little offended, but calmness is more expensive to me a relative relationship.

Vitaly Pakhomov, psychologist:

- discomfort associated with the reception of uninvited guests is explained by violation of the borders of the personal space. This is a natural feeling, you do not need to be ashamed. To minimize the inconvenience, caused by the visit of the guests, it is necessary to talk that in the house you remain the owner. Do not change your day of the day. Rules and orders in the house must remain yours. If the visit lasts long enough, you need to discuss who cleans the apartment, buys products and prepares lunch.

If you avoid the invasion of the guests failed and they already lay out our clamshears in the second week, they ask the towels, frank your spirits and squeeze your cat, then it is time to take measures to protect their borders.

- Stop cooking, entertain and get off for midnight with guests.

- Ask the "guests" about the exact date of departure.

- Wedge Wedge: Explain that you expect the next guest party, so it's time to "release the room".

Rule number 3. Guest, living in your house for more than a week, automatically ceases to be considered a guest. This is already a tenant, so boldly shift on it a part of the work on the house, the purchase of products and other economic affairs.

Could be so…

Masha:


- Once, two girls-girlfriends were wandered to my friend, whom he did not really complain, and began to behave in Hamski: it's bad to joke, say tough and nasty. At the request to leave stupid giggles and stayed. Then Mitya took the pulverizer and Pshikhani made them to be returned to the door.

Natalia, Mini-Hotel Administrator:

- The main thing is that the guests know that you are here hostess and your decision is not subject to discussion. There are, of course, such guests that are noisy, mothers. In a good way, it is necessary to call the police, but after all, the rest does not want a person to spoil, maybe I just drank too much, so Zascandalil. In such cases, I call Grigory is our neighbor, a huge such uncle. Usually, browns from one glance only to the Gregory reassure.

Do you often have uninvited guests?
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