How to learn to tell the truth, or gain complete freedom. How to learn to always tell the truth

What do you have something to say, but for some reason you stand aside and are silent? Stop thinking that your thoughts and ideas are less important and unique than those of your friends or colleagues. Everyone is interesting in their own way, so don't be afraid to show people your personality. If you do not start saying what you think, then you will always have to say what they want to hear from you. The same will happen with actions.

Start talking. Pick a day and say whatever comes to mind, within reason of course. If this task is difficult for you, then try limiting yourself to one phrase. This does not mean that you have to say once what you think. You must voice your thoughts at the exact moment in which you would like to remain silent, while knowing what to say. Increase the number of phrases the next day.

Practice internal monologue. Ask yourself why you didn't say at one time or another what you thought. What exactly hindered you? If this is modesty, self-doubt, fear, then you need to be active with this. As soon as one of the above becomes the cause of yours, try to overcome yourself and express your opinion. The less often you fight it, the harder it will be to start saying what you think.

Saying everything is also far from the best option. Every time before you say something, think about whether it should be said, whether it will ruin the relationship, whether it will damage your career, whether it will be used against you. The proverb that says “always think what you say, but don’t always say what you think” has not yet been canceled.

Try to express your thoughts as often as possible: at work, with friends, in public places. Over time, you will definitely succeed.

The ability to speak confidently, as well as to express one's thoughts clearly and intelligibly, has always been highly valued in society. In the modern world, without these qualities, it is especially difficult for a person to achieve at least some success in the professional field. Yes, and at the household level, it is no less important to be able to defend your opinion, find a common language with people and negotiate.

Instruction

Before you start talking about something, consider whether you know well enough what you want to say. If you do not understand the topic of conversation, then you will never feel confident in front of the audience, getting confused and confused in the conversation, you will look ridiculous. Think about and plan ahead for your speech.

In order to learn how to speak confidently, you first need to overcome your shyness and self-doubt. If you act boldly, the interlocutors will never feel your fear of them. A strong and persistent desire to achieve the goal will definitely help you. No matter how your heart beats, behave calmly and confidently, stand up straight and look directly into the eyes of your listeners.

It will be easier for you to get rid of, and you will feel more at ease if you do something in front of the audience, for example, pick up a book or open a window, move a chair or write something on the board. You will also feel more confident speaking at a table or holding a chair.

The ability to speak is directly related to the ability to read smart people. To get the information you need, you have a lot of opportunities - the Internet, movies, etc. Try to memorize some interesting words, vivid turns of speech. Constantly educate yourself.

Rehearse your speech in front of people. To do this, you can use a mirror and a voice recorder. Listen to yourself, analyze what can be changed to make your speech more .

Any skill comes only with experience and a lot of practice. If you want to speak confidently, practice speaking more. You can first practice with a small audience and soon you will see how yours goes and confidence appears. Experienced speakers also advise beginners to be kind to the audience from the very beginning, and then they will reciprocate, and you will feel confident.

From childhood, parents taught us all to speak the truth and not to lie, but life sometimes develops in such a way that from time to time you have to say no the truth to get out of an unpleasant situation, to avoid problems with superiors and loved ones. Even if it seems to a person that the lie was small and imperceptible, over time his whole life can be filled with various untruths. That is why, no matter what, it is recommended to always be honest with yourself and with others, and learning this honesty is not difficult at all.

Instruction

Whatever trends may be present in the modern world, honest people are still respected and considered stable and reliable. In addition, and importantly, honest people who have proven their truthfulness, which means that they can rise much higher in life than those people who are used to lying and dodging, changing the situation in their favor. The openness and stability of the honest arouses admiration in other people and improves the object of this admiration, allowing him to be himself.

Frequent deceptions cause constant, a feeling of anxiety, deceivers do not sleep well and constantly worry about their lies not being revealed. If you talk, your sleep will be sound, you will not have to worry about your own reputation, and most importantly, you will be confident in your own abilities.

Try to be honest with other people - at first it will seem like a difficult task, but over time you will be surprised to notice that your soul has become easier, your psychological level has improved significantly, and your level of anxiety has subsided. In addition, honesty is the best way to get into other people's hearts if you want to finally be appreciated as a .

Of course, the information that you give out to other people should be filtered, and some data should be kept to yourself, since the pure truth is not always positively perceived by the interlocutor. But, nevertheless, if you keep some of the truth inside, you will not lie, but simply keep silent about some things, avoiding being too direct. Try to say in such cases the truth more gently, hinting at it and finding workarounds so as not to injure or offend the interlocutor.

Take courage and start talking the truth, whatever you are asked, even if it is not easy to do. Be open - speak in the first person, assert your personal opinion, emphasizing that it comes from the pure. start talking the truth to people around, touching insignificant things - for example, tell your spouse that it is time to replace some of his things with new ones. Over time, your ability to be honest will extend to more serious and large-scale things.

If you are afraid to ruin your relationship with a person by telling him the truth, which he does not like, first let him know that you respect and appreciate him. Try to apologize to your friends and co-workers if you have ever lied to them. Please apologize from the bottom of your heart. Complimenting people is also a manifestation of honesty, which not everyone dares to do.

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Truthfulness and honesty are positive character traits. However, there are situations when your straightforwardness can harm both you and those around you. In such cases, it is better not to tell the truth.

Lies to the rescue

A common situation is when a person lies to show himself in a better light than he really is. If this does not bring significant harm to anyone, it is better to hide the truth in such cases. However, when other people's interests may suffer from your deliberate deceit, it is worth thinking before lying.

It happens that people lie at work when their supervisor is interested in the volume and timing of the work performed. If an employee honestly says that he did not start the task assigned to him all day, this will negatively affect his professional reputation, and in some cases may even lead to the loss of work.

It is clear that a person has the right to make a mistake, but a strict boss can have his own opinion on this matter. Therefore, let the lie to the employer remain on your conscience.

Good intentions

There are times when, by telling the truth, you can hurt another person. If at the same time there is no benefit from your directness, there is no point in stirring up the soul of your loved one, friend or acquaintance.

Sometimes a seriously ill person is hidden from his diagnosis, and he, not knowing that he is doomed, gets out. Perhaps if he had been told the truth, the healing would not have happened.

We can say that hiding bad news from loved ones is your duty. But remember that you must be in control of the situation. By hiding the truth from your family, you automatically take responsibility for ensuring that your hiding the truth does not bring negative consequences.

Extra details

It happens that a person does not lie, but something does not tell. It's not bad, again, as long as others don't suffer from his actions. For example, some questions are fictitious and do not require a detailed answer.

Also, there is no need to talk about many things to small children and especially impressionable natures. Surely it would be better if you hide from your child the whole truth about some terrible incident that does not directly concern him.

Politeness

Sometimes etiquette just makes people lie. Imagine that you came to visit and you didn’t like absolutely anything: neither the interior, nor the food, nor the outfit of the hosts, nor the behavior of their children.

When the hosts ask you about your impressions of this visit and whether you liked everything, you probably won't tell the whole truth. And you will do it right. From your honesty, the people who kindly invited you to their home will spoil the mood. And your criticism is unlikely to bring practical benefit.

Or think about what will happen to your environment if you speak out to each person about all his shortcomings that you think about from time to time. You may notice minor flaws in the behavior or attire of acquaintances, but you will not talk about them. And this is true, because such truth is usually not needed.

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Hello my dear readers and guests of the blog! The truth is, it would seem, a very simple thing. But it is given to almost everyone with great difficulty. Lies are very easy to tell, the consequences are rarely too severe, and the temporary benefits are obvious. In addition, people lie most often due to ordinary fear. Therefore, from early childhood, they are accustomed to it. The trouble is that honesty is always and in everything no one needs. Surrounding deceive each other and out of self-interest, and out of the best of intentions, and for salvation. Nevertheless, the stated lie pulls more and more of its streams. Eventually the person gets tired of it and still has to tell the truth.

The need to stop lying

People most often lie when:

• talking to superiors;
• talk about their successes;
• promise something to a wife or mother;
• give an obligation to complete some work on time and with high quality;
• hide their mistakes;
• justify themselves to their partner;
• refuse an invitation;
• change;
• talking about love etc.

Sooner or later, most people have to embark on the path of honesty.

It will be quite difficult to do this the first time, but with each new truth expressed, it will become easier, and soon it will become commonplace.

It is advisable to start saying it small. For example, in response to the question: “Do you like dogs?” You can safely answer: "No, I'm afraid of them." Nothing bad will happen. The person himself, having taken the first step towards the truth, will understand that the truth expressed does not bring with it any catastrophe.

Very often people are afraid to offend another and endure what is unbearable for them. Or you can just say: "I don't like tobacco smoke, let's not go to this bar." A friend may be disappointed, but it is much more important to save your health than trying to please everyone and everyone.

Becoming honest, a person will feel calmer, stop worrying about the consequences of lying. He will be able to release a large amount of internal energy, previously used to suppress negative emotions associated with the need to tell a lie. Because if the lie is exposed, it is a huge blow to his reputation.

In personal relationships, the acquired habit of not hiding anything from each other will help to significantly strengthen relationships, create genuine intimacy and love each other more.

First steps towards elimination of lies

1. You can first try to express some truth all alone. For example, about not wanting to go to the theater because she was tired, and not at all because she was urgently called to work. Listen to your words and find that there is nothing wrong with them.
2. The next step must be done with the interlocutor. He talks about some well-known situation. The other suffers, but pretends to be very interested. He sees his sour expression and is offended, taking him for a bad attitude towards himself. Therefore, it is better to immediately say: “You know, I have already heard about this, it is very interesting.” Then the conversation will take a different direction and everyone will be calmer.
3. When applying for a job, you should not tell tall tales about yourself. It is not necessary to say that there is a skill to work with the most complex equipment, the English language is perfectly studied and it is possible to linger after the end of the working day. All this will be revealed immediately and at the end of the trial period, the contract, most likely, will not be extended. It is possible that this is not at all important for the employer, and he asks questions simply according to a given scheme.
4. In personal relationships, too, you should not climb into the jungle of lies. A man tells a woman that he wants to marry her. In fact, he doesn't even think about it. His girlfriend says she loves him so as not to lose her partner. The relationship takes on an increasingly fake form, hurting both. Therefore, when asked whether there will be a wedding, it is better to answer that it is too early to talk about it.
5. A special case is lying out of pity or compassion. Of course, it is unacceptable to tell another person that he looks bad today or put on an ugly and unfashionable suit. But at the same time, you can especially not be zealous in lying. In order not to offend the interlocutor, it is advisable to simply remain silent or answer a direct question that today I have not yet had time to look closely at him.

How to learn to tell the truth

There are still a number of situations where you can be honest without causing yourself and others a lot of stress. It is enough just to say:

• I was late today because I overslept, sorry, this is the last time;
• I made a mistake in the calculations, I will correct it now;
• I didn't succeed, I'll try again;
• I will not be able to come to visit you, because I need to go to the other end of the city, and today it is very cold. I'm afraid of catching a cold;
• you offended me greatly with your words;
• I forgot to buy bread;
• I don't like sleeping with the lights on. Would you like to move to the kitchen to read?
• I changed my mind about going to your mother;
• I'm sorry, but I won't marry you. I still have to think;
• I do not like it when they do not immediately give a check from the purchase;
• this dress model does not suit me at all, please choose another one;
• no, I do not need the help of the seller, I want to inspect everything myself;
• I don't like it when they swear in front of me, etc.

You need to understand that this is not the beginning of a scandal or a showdown, but a simple statement of facts.

It is possible that the boss will not be furious at all because of being late, but will only slightly scold the employee, especially if this happened for the first time. In any case, a completely calm and businesslike atmosphere will be created. So it will be much better than piling up tales about a sick grandmother or an accident that happened.

When making a mistake, you should also not aggravate everything with lies and try to hide your mistake. When the truth comes to the surface, it can lead to very unpleasant results, up to and including dismissal. Therefore, it is better to immediately admit your guilt and correct it as soon as possible. People around understand that this can happen to anyone. Although it will be unpleasant for them, they will put up with the need to wait a bit to get the correct data.

No need to try to become a truth-seeker and a truth-bearer. Absolutely no one needs this. It is simply desirable to make sure that there are less and less lies around and it would gradually cease to be the norm of life.

The criterion can be an understanding of what exactly the person himself would not want to hear from another, and what he would take down, even though it would seem unpleasant to him. Accordingly, regulate the degree of honesty in your words.

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Often there are situations when it is simply necessary to tell a person the truth. At the same time, I really do not want to offend my colleague, friend or acquaintance. It’s just that it’s difficult to convey a specific idea to him in another way.

We will try to figure out how to tell the truth and not hurt the interlocutor.

It is easy and pleasant to speak the truth.
Yeshua Ha-Nozri. Master and Margarita.

Outcome

Try to see more of the positive in the person than the negative. It is much easier for a person to accept criticism if it comes from the mouth of someone who periodically praises and supports. Agree, if you tell a person that he is an excellent friend and comrade on whom you can rely, but in this situation he did not do it right, then the perception will be completely different.

Lies and duplicity are considered the main ailments of our time. From the point of view of psychology, lying is a bad habit, a consequence of a bad character, bad upbringing. And what is the spiritual view of this problem?

I think the main reason people lie is fear and self-doubt. A person wants to seem better than he is, afraid to fail. If we add to this personal complexes, ambitions, envy, then lies and pretense become both a tool for achieving goals and a way of life for such a person.

Of course, upbringing, the level of culture, manners instilled by parents play an important role in this problem. It is from the family that we derive the fundamental concepts of life and the “matrix” of behavior. Unfortunately, recently, parents from an early age are trying to teach their children to achieve their goals in any way. This is the so-called psychology of leadership - if you are kind, honest and sentimental, then you will simply be "eaten" by stronger ones. Life is regarded as competition, struggle, and virtuous character traits as weakness. We are already reaping the bitter fruits of this approach to life - the lumpenization of society, the inability to hear and understand the other, disunity and bitterness. As the Scripture says, "The fathers have eaten sour grapes, but the children's teeth are set on edge" (Ezek. 18:2). No wonder, because false priorities lead to false goals. Initially, the deception in this case lies in the fact that a real leader is not the one who knows how to manipulate people and get benefits in everything, but the one who is able to sacrifice himself for the sake of others.

I say this to make it clear that a lie is not only a personal problem of an individual person, but it is something that can globally influence the life of the whole society and even the whole of humanity. And with all the diverse types of human lies, the circumstances of their occurrence, it is obvious that its main cause lies exclusively in the spiritual field. It is no coincidence that the second name of the devil is Liar, Slanderer. This is the primordial cause of that dark energy, which is associated with the slightest lie, any distortion of the truth.

Lying is not just a sin. This is the main "component" of sin, it is the basis of any sinful action or thought. Probably, a person would never sin if he was not deceived by the promises of sin. As St. Basil the Great says, "Hell cannot be made attractive, so the devil makes the road there attractive." Sin always deceives a person, and in each of his falls, the sinner becomes a hostage to lies.

According to the teaching of the Monk Abba Dorotheus, a lie manifests itself in three ways: by thought, by word, and by life itself. If a lie with a thought consists in an unintentional substitution of a genuine self with a certain “role” in which a person would like to see himself, then a lie with a word is already a conscious distortion of reality. Abba Dorotheos refers to the deep sinful depravity of a person who is accustomed to vice, is not afraid of it and is not embarrassed by the concept of “lie by life”. But since public opinion nevertheless condemns vice, but still appreciates virtue, a person considers it profitable to hide under a virtuous mask. This lie lies in the cynical duality of life itself.

Abba Dorotheos names three reasons that encourage people to lie, which are also the basis of all sin. This is, firstly, voluptuousness, that is, the desire to fulfill every desire; secondly, love of money - the desire to acquire material values; and, thirdly, love of glory, which in the case of the monks was expressed in unwillingness to reconcile.

- A lie outside gives rise to a lie to oneself: a person ceases to expose himself, to honestly admit to himself what he has done. This leads to false confession and, consequently, to depression. How to start telling the truth to yourself? And what is fraught with self-deception?

St. Theophan the Recluse teaches that "one must be able to divide oneself into oneself and the enemy hidden in me." The main trick of the devil is that he inspires a person as if his thoughts and feelings are himself. When we begin to separate ourselves from our own emotions, feelings and thoughts, they can no longer control us.

Self-deception is always associated with self-justification, the belief that anyone can be to blame for this or that problem, but not myself. Avoiding problems in this way deprives a person of the opportunity to solve them. Therefore, the Monk Paisios the Holy Mountaineer said: “By justifying yourself, you seem to be building a wall separating you from God, and thus cutting off all connection with him.” We need to learn to be responsible before God and people for our lives, actions and thoughts. Do not hide your head in the sand, but open your heart to God, Who, seeing the sincere aspiration of a person, will always help and guide you on the true path.

The starting point of everyone's spiritual life is an honest look turned inward. Therefore, the holy fathers said that the first sign of the recovery of the soul is the vision of one's sins, countless, like the sand of the sea. Until a person realizes the depth of his fall, sees his weakness and tries to build his life on his own, only disappointment and endless wanderings await him. Passions blind us, manipulate consciousness. Therefore, in order to see the real picture of your situation, you need to shift your own ego from the center of life and look at yourself from a different angle. It is important, in addition to your shortcomings and spiritual illnesses, to see also the One Who can heal them. It is only in the power of the Lord to save us from ourselves, our own passions and sinful habits. Without God, an honest look at oneself can end in despondency and despair. Spiritual illnesses are cured by the grace that a person receives in the Sacraments of the Church, prayer and repentance.

The gospel gives us not only the truth about ourselves, but also the hope of correction. I came across an interesting analogy from a spiritual writer. He compared the sinful fall of a person to exercise on a trampoline: the lower the point of falling, the higher the person "rises" in repentance. Therefore, to know the truth about yourself, to honestly expose your shortcomings, to see them is not self-flagellation or humiliation, but the only way out of a personality crisis.

Interviewed by Natalya Goroshkova