The husband is an aggressor. What to do if there is psychological pressure in the family? My husband has become aggressive

We are all used to discussing male aggression and how to deal with it. Many are concerned about the problem of the growth of children's aggression in our difficult times. Do women really not show any aggression? Of course, this is not so, and women can also be quite aggressive, but they often justify their behavior by saying that it is self-defense from aggressive men, fatigue and an unfavorable external environment.

But female aggression is not always self-defense. Very often, women are led by their emotions and, instead of solving the problem, simply take out their anger on their husband or children. This leads to the formation of an unfavorable microclimate in the family and can destroy it, as well as become a source of psychological discomfort for children and a source of problems in future socialization.

Why does female aggression occur?

Usually the main cause, as well as the consequence, of female aggression is misunderstanding and powerlessness. If a woman feels that she cannot express herself, cannot solve the accumulated problems and does not have any support on the way to solving them, this can provoke an emotional explosion, an outbreak of aggression towards loved ones, for example, her husband or children.

Don’t think that this is something out of the ordinary - aggression is a normal reaction of the body, it activates forces and gives energy to solve problems, although not always in a constructive way. Often aggression helps to defend against a threat and overcome an obstacle, but only if its energy is directed in the right direction. But aggression can be a positive phenomenon only if it is aimed at solving a problem and has a short-term manifestation.

If aggression becomes a constant companion, and it begins to periodically “break down” on family members, this indicates that such aggression is unconstructive. Most likely, its cause is chronic fatigue. This is especially true for residents of megacities - constant noise, a busy pace of life, plus minor troubles in the family force a woman to constantly be captive of negative emotions, which periodically spill out on loved ones.

Another reason for female aggression, especially for women who are on maternity leave, is a lack of communication and opportunities for self-expression. A woman begins to feel like a service staff working for her child and husband, so she gradually accumulates a negative attitude towards them and sooner or later it can spill out.

Female aggression is the path to loneliness and self-destruction

The main difference between female aggression and male aggression is the absence of direct physical impact.. Men are more likely to act with physical force, while women are more likely to attack emotionally or verbally. Typically, women shout at children, shout at men, break dishes or home decoration less often, and physically beat them even less often.

At the same time, most women justify their aggression by unfair treatment of them, lack of money, attention or time. Very often, women use obscene language or phrases like “I would kill”, “I wish you would die”, etc. to express their feelings. This does not mean that she is ready to kill physically; rather, it is a sign of aggressive impotence.

A woman in this state is weak and vulnerable, because she cannot solve the problem and replaces its solution with an outburst of aggression.

If a way to solve the problem that led to aggression is not found, such behavior can become habitual and gradually the woman herself, having become accustomed as much as possible to discomfort, begins to consider her life normal. Aggression becomes the norm of family life. Often children in such families also grow up to be aggressive.

What are the consequences of a woman’s constant aggression? There are many of them, and the first is problems in finding a life partner, since men feel the “aroma of aggression” on a subconscious level. The second is the appearance of wrinkles - “masks of aggression”. Third, problems with blood pressure and the cardiovascular system. Therefore, it is necessary to avoid the increase in female aggression by any means.

How to avoid an outburst of aggression

To avoid a surge of aggression, the woman herself needs to control her emotional state, because no one will understand her feelings better than she herself. If you feel that tension is increasing, immediately analyze the reasons for this increase. Remember, a person who is satisfied with life is not enraged by a dirty cup near the computer; if such little things begin to irritate you, you need to take care of your psychological comfort. Perhaps you just didn’t get enough sleep, you’re tired, you have a lot of work. There is no need to be afraid to tell someone about your condition; sometimes you just need to tell your loved ones about your fatigue and ask for help. In addition, you can try to give yourself a couple of pleasant sensations. Ask that no one disturb you in the evening, take a bath, have a treat, listen to music. You can also take any sedative.

If it seems to you that you cannot realize yourself, this is not a reason to lash out at your loved ones, this is a reason to analyze the reasons, look for new ways to realize your needs.

If emotions run high, you need to give them an outlet. At the same time, it is important to remember that family members are not to blame, there is no need to make trouble, you need to find another outlet for emotions, you can run, beat a punching bag, knock out rugs, etc.

How to deal with aggression yourself

The inability to cope with one's own emotions is one of the most common reasons for visits to psychologists. But not all women can afford to spend time and money on visiting a specialist, so they try in every possible way to cope with the problem on their own. For such women, several tips have been developed to help put their emotions in order. If you feel angry, you need to sit down and describe what makes you angry.

. Most often, anger passes during the process of description, but if it does not pass, then the sheet with the description can be torn and thrown away, taking out the evil on it. Another way to get rid of aggression is to be alone with nature and just relax a little.

. You can go to the forest, sit in silence, or, on the contrary, shout out. If complaints have accumulated against a specific person, for example, a boss, then you can express everything in any form, shout and even kick snags, this will help get rid of most of the negativity. If your husband causes aggression, you need to try to inform him about it as correctly as possible.

Men are designed in such a way that they can simply not understand and not notice insults and hints, and then sincerely wonder why a woman is crying and screaming, and from where. Therefore, you need to learn to talk about everything, gently and civilly communicate your dissatisfaction to your husband and accept his comments just as calmly. And further it is very important to notice the positive

. There is no need to dwell on the bad, scroll through grievances in your head and look for new reasons for them. It is important to notice the good, praise your husband and children for their actions, enjoy the little things, and soon you will notice that those around you begin to treat you more favorably and there are fewer reasons for aggression. woman she is not 100% insured against the fact that her man will not humiliate, insult or even beat her. You can spend a lot of time interviewing representatives of the stronger sex and analyzing their behavior, but it is better to start from the specific character traits of a man who has a tendency towards violence and aggression.

Initially, when meeting someone, it is almost impossible to recognize such a person, but if you look closely at his manner of communication and behavior, you will soon notice his predisposition to violence and unquestioning dominance.

Unfortunately, most women They cannot see the makings of an aggressor in their man, especially at the initial stage of the relationship. More often, a person reveals his entire essence after a long time, when the relationship has reached the serious stage. But if you start from the characteristics of the psychological portrait of a man who is prone to violence, you will quickly learn to identify such an individual. Let's find out the main characteristic features of such a representative of the stronger sex in order to insure against troubles in the future.

1. A male aggressor can talk for hours about his participation in fights, describing everything in detail.. Women who do not want to turn their family life into hell should think twice before connecting their lives with such a man. If he constantly talks about how he hit someone or was hit, then it is likely that he is ready to repeat this process in the future, often the participants do not play a role.

If you have heard that parents often punished him with a belt, then it is likely that fights in youth and childhood were an attempt to restore low self-esteem. Psychologists have discovered an interesting pattern: 30% of men to whom their parents used physical punishment are prone to violence in their own family. In any case, beware of a man who focuses on sorting things out through physical actions, because there is no guarantee that you will not become his next victim.

2. An aggressor man blames others for all his problems. Men who are prone to violence and aggression simply cannot take full responsibility for their actions. He will constantly say that his classmate provoked him into that fight, and the insult towards his ex-girlfriend was nothing more than self-defense. Such a man will never say that he beat a person because he himself became the cause of the showdown and provoked the incident. Such men often show themselves as an accommodating husband who gives the right to vote to his wife, but at a certain moment he breaks down and gives vent to his emotions. Be sure to talk to the man who interests you and try to determine his position: whether he knows how to be responsible for his actions and take responsibility in various life situations.

3. In a rage, a male aggressor may break a plate or other household item. A man who loses self-control during intense emotional situations may throw objects that come into his hand. This means that a man does not know how to control his emotions, words and actions, which is precisely the cause of quarrels, scandals and divorces.

It is very important to trust your instincts at the initial stage of a relationship, because most often an aggressive man shows his true essence when he is already sure that the woman will not run away from him.

What is the behavior of an aggressive man? How to recognize it in the early stages of a romantic relationship? What signs in behavior indicate a person’s tendency towards aggression and violence?

Every woman should know the answers to these questions so that it is not too late to find out who a man really is and end the relationship sooner rather than later.

Signs of a man prone to aggression

• He is unreasonably jealous and suspicious

Jealousy is not always a sign of love, more often a sign of the presence of complexes and emotional instability. A self-confident man, even if he is jealous, will not create scenes and scandals when the guy at the next table just looks at you.

• Likes to control his woman

He wants to know everything about you, especially where and with whom you spent every minute of your day. He doesn't like it when you meet with colleagues after work, he reads your SMS, tries to participate in every area of ​​your life. For example, he may insist on picking you up from work even if you don't want to.

• He doesn't respect his woman

He does not respect any woman in the world and will not treat his own differently - this is the reality. He doesn’t listen to her and demonstratively ignores her opinion. Double standards are also a sure sign of aggressiveness. If he treats his woman well and treats others poorly, this means that sooner or later he will show his essence.

• Easily loses his temper over small things

An overly irritable man who has poor self-control may also behave with his woman, but not immediately, but as soon as he feels comfortable in her environment, when he understands that she belongs to him, that she is in love with him, for example, or has become his wife.

• Often uses exaggeration in speech

This indicates a tendency to extremes in a person's character. For people like him, everything is either black or white (and more often than not, black), there is no such thing as gray. He doesn’t know what compromise is, he doesn’t know how to negotiate or listen to other people.

• Prefers rapid development of relationships

Numerous studies have shown that aggressive men are most often in favor of rapid development of relationships. They don’t want to wait, the woman must belong to him as soon as possible, because this is the only way he can control her and dictate his rules to her. Women often complain that men are slow to propose marriage, but when he does it too early, it's a good reason to think and analyze your relationship. It happens that this is really love, but if he also shows other signs described in this article, then there is no need to rush.

• Tries to limit your communication with family and friends

He wants his woman only for himself and as the relationship develops, he shows more and more hostility when the woman communicates with other people from her environment. When the relationship becomes serious, or after the wedding, he simply forbids her such contacts.

• Often the mood changes radically

Mood changes for all of us, but only in a psychologically unstable person can it change abruptly, often for no apparent reason.

• Uses threats and blackmail to control

“If you don’t do this, then I will ....”, a common phrase that sounds from the mouth of an aggressive man. He loves for everything to always be exactly the way he wants it, while he may not use physical violence; psychological aggression is no less terrible.

• Blames others for his problems

For him, everyone is to blame, but not himself. He is perfect and always does everything right. As time passes, he begins to shift more and more blame onto his woman, he makes her feel bad, often humiliates and violates his own dignity. This is a method of control using psychological aggression.

• He has a negative attitude towards women

He often scolds his ex-wives or girlfriends, says nasty things about them and generally considers women “sales” or uses other unflattering words, this means that he already has a certain image of women in his head, and the chance that he really considers you different is minimal. Most likely, he hopes that he will limit and “train” you so that you fit his idea of ​​the right woman.

• He is aggressive towards animals and children

A person who can show violence towards defenseless creatures will not refrain from showing the same attitude towards his woman in the future. If he allows aggression towards the defenseless, you need to urgently run away from such a man and as far as possible.

• He is rude and disrespectful to others

If a man behaves well with his woman, but at the same time treats others poorly, this is a sure sign of aggressiveness, because at the beginning of the relationship he will not show his true essence to his woman, but with others he behaves as usual. Pay special attention to how he treats the service personnel of various establishments, be it a hotel or a restaurant.

An aggressive man believes that if he has paid something for something, then he can behave as he wants. He has the same attitude towards women; if he spent some of his money on her, he often already considers her his property.

Of course, you can sympathize with such people, because most often such behavior is the result of psychological trauma in childhood, growing up in a family with the same aggressive father, but this does not mean that you can somehow help him. Here you need the help of a professional psychologist, and there is no need to selflessly try to somehow survive in a relationship with an aggressive man because “he feels bad.” This is a mistake many women make. Be smarter and more selective in relationships.