Termination of family relationship between daughter and mother. Painful father-daughter relationship and its consequences Magic to break the mother-daughter bond

Children grow up, start families, strive for career growth. Do they always do it themselves? Very often in the formation of "forever small" and requiring attention "bloods" with zeal participate hungry from the permanent care of the mother. But real growing up involves a radical change. Indeed, a twenty-year-old boy cannot behave like a third-grader chasing a ball in a dirty T-shirt and torn sneakers. After all, it's just not normal. However, don't be surprised. People who are “inhibited” in their development are “a dime a dozen”. Who is to blame? How sad it is - a loving mother.

In order to take your true place in life and give a correct assessment of relationships, you must begin with an awareness of the problem. We will help you identify the gaps where the boundary between mothers and adult children is being violated.

"Sacred Link"

There is nothing surprising in the fact that the little man is almost completely dependent on his parents. Constant guardianship forms some kind of invisible connection between the fragile soul of the baby and the very powerful ego of his mother. Breaking it in the future will be very difficult. But taking such a step is extremely important, otherwise the child will stop developing and will wait all his life for help from his mother. The success of a painless break depends on both participants in the "reinforced concrete" connection. The mother must be aware of this danger and actively help the baby to abandon absolute dependence in order to gain complete “autonomy”.

Note. The personal boundaries of children are violated, primarily through the fault of the mother. She demands more attention. Total control of the child's life imperceptibly becomes the meaning of her entire existence. The baby develops a need to please the mother in order to earn another praise. This is one side of the pendulum. The other is pathological admiration for the child, as a form of exaggerated religious service to him.

Let's analyze the main signs of an abnormal relationship between mothers and their children.

Directing the attention of the child exclusively to himself

If an adult successful person gives up everything for the sake of another whim of his mother, his affairs are already bad. She calls and complains to her child of a headache. The son (or daughter) cancels an important business meeting in order to go to the pharmacy, buy a bag of medicines, take it to his beloved mother and listen to a million complaints about her health and her hard life from her.

As a rule, the situation in this case is tritely simple. Most likely, the mother just got a little bored and she used a win-win manipulation option (often even unconsciously) to see her adult child.

This is an unhealthy situation. Mom should be surrounded by care, but not at the expense of other family members and to the detriment of the career of a son or daughter. Correct awareness of one's place in life is true motherly love. Instead, many parents use the cunning tactic of instilling false guilt and an exaggerated sense of duty in their unsuspecting children.

What to do?

Understand that you are not in power to control the emotional sphere of the mother. Fulfilling her whims, you do not solve the problem, but harm other family members.

Directing all your care and attention to only one person is fundamentally wrong. This is the foundation for cultivating a quiet inner protest.

Set clear and rigid communication boundaries and stay within them.

Feeling responsible for mom's well-being

It is, first of all, about the moral and emotional sphere of relations. Find out where this setup came from. Not from the mother herself? Your responsibility for her emotional state is unfounded. This is a violation of personal boundaries for the sake of the interests of the parent, nothing more. Indeed, how can you control her emotions? The inner world of any person belongs only to him and no one else.

When you hear phrases like these:

• I worry that you did this for me (or didn't).
• It's hard for me. There have been no calls from you since morning.
• I would calm down if you thought of me a little. -

You should have a red light on. They want to use you again.

As a rule, such a pattern of mother's false responsibility begins to be formed by babies in childhood, but the process itself never ends. The problem is that all other relationships with people are formed according to it. Not everyone succeeds in breaking the vicious circle.

In advanced cases, only a psychologist can help you.

Cheating as a form of protecting the mother from anxiety

Children grow up and learn to slowly lie to their parents. No, not from evil. Most likely to show concern. They protect loved ones from unnecessary worries. Daughters lie about having to spend the night with their girlfriends. The sons, without blinking an eye, tell twisted stories about a purely random fight. This is not a big deal until cheating becomes the norm. Adults shouldn't lie to their mothers just to make them upset. If your mom is not happy with something, isn't that her problem? You have the right to live by your own rules.

Adults are responsible for their worldview and actions, bear full responsibility for their consequences. Waiting for approval or being afraid of condemnation, asking other people what is good and what is bad is the lot of an unformed personality.

How to get rid of the wrong behavior towards the mother?

You should realize that your connection with your mother has remained at the level of “a small child and a strict parent.” This is an outdated and broken behavior model.

To reach a new level of relationships, be honest with yourself. Honesty will help take the relationship to the next level.

Teach your mother that you will always tell her only the truth, honestly and openly. This is much better than lying in the name of peace. Let your relationship develop anew and in an adult way

Financial dependence on mother

The money trap that you can fall into is considered by us only as an exception. However, it is not as uncommon as some people think.

If you are short of funds for a long time due to lack of work, school or financial problems, who will be the fastest to help? Of course, a loving mother. And it's wonderful. The main thing to remember is that it is much better to support yourself. But it's temporary, right?

What is the danger of such a situation?

Financial dependence implies full awareness of your affairs. Mom will quickly become a specialist in solving all vital issues. It is she who will decide your fate. Not only that, she will surely enjoy it very much. Well, you just have to report on time. An unenviable fate, to be honest.

In other words, you will automatically cease to be an independent and independent person with all the ensuing consequences.

There is only one way out - earn enough money yourself.

The fulfillment of the duties of the child by his mother

If your mom is trying to take over most of your responsibilities, beware. You will quickly become an accessory mechanism to it. Learn to cook, wash, clean. Be independent in everything. Don't refuse help when needed and appropriate. But this is an exception to the rule. Development, spiritual growth is possible only in conditions of complete independence. Remember this.

Mother's involvement in all decision making

Can't do without your mother's help? You will not envy. The opinion of the parents is important and often very appropriate, but the decision should be made only by you. Other people are only advisers. Attitude is a form of expression of trust. You share your impressions, talk about problems. And while everything is normal.

But then a thought flashed through your head:

"Mom will be offended that I did not consult with her about buying a new car."

This is already a problem. You have labeled addiction in the form of a sense of false guilt.

Remember, as a child, were you scolded for doing something your own way or expressing disagreement with something? If yes, then you have found the root of the problem.

You have been deprived of the right to your own worldview. You'll have to build it from scratch.

Showing disrespect for the privacy of children

Mom reads your telephone correspondence, criticizes friends and girlfriends, controls all your actions.

What's this?

Disrespect for another person, unwillingness to reckon with her needs. Your boundaries are unceremoniously violated. You are denied the right to your own life.

We'll have to fight hard for her. But don't be aggressive. Just live as you see fit.

competition with mom

A good mother rejoices in the success of her children and never envy them. Signs that point to her rivalry with you indicate a psychological problem.

The struggle for attention in the family, comparison in terms of usefulness and achievements, make children reduce their ambitions in order to calm their beloved mother. This is the path of self-criticism and underestimation of oneself as a person.

To counter this overt pressure, stop caring about other people's opinions and act on your own interests without making them public.

Indulging children's negative behavior

Teenagers have a lot of problems with trying to look like adults. These are unhealthy habits, the desire for leadership at any price, etc. Mothers often do not know how to cope with the educational task and make a lot of mistakes. One of them is to indulge your child in everything, including bad behavior.

What is the reason?

Feelings of guilt towards a teenager or a desire to dominate him by encouraging an unhealthy lifestyle. The consequences of this can be unpredictable.

Personal information as a manipulation tool

The mother tells her daughter about all the vicissitudes of her social, labor, intimate life. She insists that she also share interesting personal details with her.

What for?

To imperceptibly erase boundaries that should never be violated. This is a hidden form of manipulation, an invasion of the inner world of a person.

Make it clear that you have a sovereign right to your own life and the secrets in it. By issuing them, you are voluntarily giving your mother an instrument of pressure on you.

Conclusion

Respect your own interests and those of others. Don't let anyone influence your decisions. Always be responsible for your choices. Be independent.

The role of the father in the upbringing of his daughter still seems insignificant to some. Daddy loves her and that's enough. Is it so?

Everything is clear with the boys - their father teaches them to be courageous, brave, take responsibility for themselves and others, fight for rights and protect the weak. But what about the girls? It used to be believed that the upbringing of daughters was entirely in the hands of the mother. In practice, it turns out that if the daughter grew up without a father (literally or figuratively), friendly contact was not established with him, then the child has to fly through life, as if without one wing. Psychologists have repeatedly mentioned the relationship between father and daughter. What consequences can be in the future because of a bad relationship with his father in the past?

The role of a father in raising a daughter. Who was your dad?

Ideal? If you dig into the past, many will find something to remember:

• alcoholic father,
• left the family early
• was a workaholic.

Or he simply lived nearby, but did not show any interest in his daughter, was not engaged in education. Some fathers were “cold” and aloof, while others were not so lucky.

If the father drank, walked, beat the children or the mother, then the feeling of injustice and hatred can live in the soul for years, leaving a heavy imprint on all life events.

In psychology, it has long been established that the relationship between father and daughter subconsciously affects the building of relationships between a girl and her chosen one in the future. For example, if a father has never admired his daughter, then as an adult, she will not expect compliments from fans. But these are trifles compared to what serious problems girls can face in adulthood if there were disagreements with their fathers.

Father-daughter relationship: the subconscious choice of the wrong men

A huge problem with a bad relationship between father and daughter is revealed at the moment when it comes to dating, choosing a life partner. If sharp corners and some kind of psychological trauma can be hidden in work, relationships with friends, then when it comes to building a connection with the opposite sex, all those complexes, fears and mental attitudes that we received in childhood emerge. No one wants an alcoholic or tyrant husband, but girls who have had fathers with the same problem in their lives are much more likely to choose a guy with an addiction.

Psychology "father-daughter"

Dad is called to help his daughter grow up bold, self-confident, but at the same time feminine. It is the father who instills in the girl a sense of self-worth, attractiveness and striving for the desired. When a child at an early age does not receive daddy's attention, approval and care, then self-doubt creeps in. As a result, statistics show that in families where fathers abandoned their wives and children, girls more often begin to have an early sexual life, many become pregnant at the age of 15-16 years. The fear is triggered that the man will definitely leave, leave the family, and therefore you need to hurry. If you evaluate this, it is easy to understand how important the role of the father in raising a daughter is.

Unreliable father. What will the daughter grow up to be?

Powerful women who are able to show masculine character traits, be tough and uncompromising, most likely had weak-willed and irresponsible fathers. Such dads were not able to bring money to the family, they drank, obeyed the whims of an overbearing mother.

The girl transfers such relations between father and daughter into adulthood, trying to compensate for the lack and take responsibility for everything in her own hands. As a result, men come across on the way who need to be pulled, patronized, and, possibly, provided. At the same time, the mental attitude may not manifest itself so clearly, but if you start analyzing the situation, it turns out that the woman is simply not able to stop controlling everything (after all, she does this unconsciously, at the subconscious level).

Domineering father of a complaisant daughter

If the relationship between father and daughter developed differently, for example, dad was domineering, demanding, strict, then there is another story. The girl was required to be sweet, helpful, feminine, not to show any masculine qualities, not to defend her opinion. Most often, such fathers give the installation to learn, and then successfully marry.

The connection between father and daughter is so strong that even if the young lady starts her own business or becomes the boss, the attitude to be in a subordinate position will manifest itself in relations with her man. After all, the chosen one is chosen on a subconscious level with the same character traits that were present in his father.

What to do if the father-daughter relationship is difficult and painful

An analysis of the situation will help to deal with the wrong attitudes of adult life from childhood:

• Were there problems in childhood?
• what relationship between father and daughter existed and exists,
• how the father behaved in childhood and what he is now, etc.

The best way to diagnose and solve such a problem is to help a psychologist. However, if you have just begun to understand the situation, you can try to figure it out on your own.

Analyze all your romantic stories: do they have something in common? If it is obvious that you are “unlucky” with men in life, you need to change your psychological attitudes. It can be difficult to do this without a specialist, because the psychology of "father-daughter" is not limited to one article or a moment of insight.

The problems that have migrated from childhood to adulthood are the deepest and most emotionally difficult. However, now you can try to change the situation.

• Start by realizing and accepting: your father was not a perfect person, you need to forgive him and stop looking for a partner who would be like him.
• Think about what traits of your father are the most difficult for you to come to terms with. Are you subconsciously looking for similar traits in other people? To do this, look at your surroundings: bosses, husband, former partners.
• Remember the difficult periods of your life, difficult conversations with your father about your choice. Did he let you make your own decisions? Did you support?
• Analyze which of his words hurt you the most, and when he was the only stronghold and support for you.

The role of the father in education is great, but do not rush to blame him for all your problems. The father-daughter relationship is a thin thread and should be dealt with as carefully as any type of family relationship. In order not to harm yourself or him, it is better - this will help to more clearly manifest your connection and its impact on adult life.

From comments on the forum: "ethereal cords connect us many times over the course of our lives with different people. With some, the connections break up on their own, and this is right with others on emotional attachments or for some other reason, the connections do not break. But they can negatively affect us and that person. We must Karmic consequences - a piece of your soul is returned to you, that person to him, the energies are returned to the owners. And this is a way out of love and in no case out of negativity. You do no injury or harm. "

Energy cords and cords - removal techniques

The energetic umbilical cord is the energetic connection between parents and child. Most often, it connects mother and child.

In early childhood, the presence of this umbilical cord is not so significant, but when the child grows up, such a connection becomes dangerous for him.

This connection is maintained by the mother to meet her needs. For example, for protection and unwillingness to see your loneliness and your non-fulfillment in some aspects of life.

Such a connection between mother and child practically renders him incompetent, incapable of making decisions and living his own destiny. Realize your desires and dreams.

Such “adult children” do not develop relationships with partners, colleagues, friends. They cannot find their calling. Such a connection closes all systems and sense organs, one’s clear vision of the situation is lost, a person stops hearing himself, he is tormented by feelings of “guilt without guilt”, resentment, apathy, dissatisfaction with himself, with his life. He becomes weak, unable to act on his own. Often these boys grow up to be "mama's sons", and the girls live the failed fate of their mother or do not get married at all.

The child (adult :)) does not take responsibility, shifts it to the mother. This is manifested in the indecision of what the mother will think, subconscious copying of the mother's actions, as well as the requirements from the mother to act as the child wants (continuation of children's whims).

Mom does not allow the child to take responsibility, tries to do for him what he should ALREADY do it yourself, interfere in his life, etc.

It is important to break the energy umbilical cord after the child comes of age. it has already fulfilled its functions by that time, and leads to inhibition of the child's personal development. It can be cut either by the child himself, or by the mother, or with the informed consent of one of them.

Technique of cutting "ENERGY UMBILICAL CORD"

You need to retire, calm down the body and mind. It is necessary to conduct a little meditation and attune completely.

Call for the help of the Higher Forces, Guardian Angels, Archangel Michael and Archangel Raphael.

Call your child, imagine him, remember his voice, smell, feel the energy of your child.

Ask the Higher Forces to show where the energy umbilical cord is between you.

Try to see and feel it. As soon as you feel ready, say the intention: “I ask Archangel Michael to cut the energy umbilical cord connecting me and my (daughter, son, Name) for my highest Good and the highest Good of my (daughter, son, Name).”

After that, say that you return all your energy to yourself, give all the energy that does not belong to me - the owner.

You can visualize Archangel Michael cutting this connection with his sword.

The Goddess in me welcomes the Goddess in you.

But what ritual for cutting the energy umbilical cord with my mother I recommended.

You take a photo of your mother, a church candle, a red thick thread, scissors.

You put a photo of your mother on the table, light a candle. You enter the flow of Reiki energy, you call on the Higher Powers to help you.

Then you take the thread, one end is applied to your navel, the other end to the svadhisthana of the mother's chakra in the photo. You take scissors and with the intention to cut the energy umbilical cord that connects you to your mother, you cut this thread. Here the most important intention is to cut the energy umbilical cord. Further, these threads must be burned, the candle should be allowed to burn out.

Usually, after such a procedure, the relationship completely changes, the mother stops constantly interfering in the life of the child. The relationship turns into a relationship between two adults.

P.S. I prefer this kind of intention:
“I ask the Higher Forces, our Higher Selves (mine and my child), the Spirit, our souls, mentors and Guardian Angels to help us now. I ask Archangel Michael to cut the energy umbilical cord connecting me and my (daughter, son, name) for my highest Good and the highest Good of my (daughter, son, name).
I give you (daughter, son, Name) all your true energy that was in me, and I return to myself all my true energy that was in you.
I ask the Higher Powers to heal with Divine love all the consequences of this energy umbilical cord at all levels and realities, here and now.”

Imagine cutting an energy cord or tube (whoever sees it), and then imagine how a gentle pink light descends, filling both of you and sealing the cut edges of the tube so that your child’s energy and yours stay with you, and not go through the open ends tubes.
Stay in this state for as long as you need and thank everyone for the help and work done.

PP.S. (25.10.2018)
Once again, the energy umbilical cord is a sacred channel. I do not chop, I do not remove that without which life can completely go downhill. But canceling the treaties and restructuring the outflow of energy is another matter.
The mother's skirt and the mother's umbilical cord (parental connection) are fundamentally different concepts.

A child up to 12 years old lives on the mother's energy, after this connection weakens, but does not disappear - the mother's energy can protect her child in case of danger. And the relationship with the father is like an open umbrella, and the child lives on this energy until the age of 21.
Another question is whether this connection is adequate, healthy?
The method that I described in the post is useful if the mother or father lives off the energy of the child, or is overly dominant, influences the life of an adult child, and in similar cases.
Thanks to such practices, the connection may weaken or change, additional connections may fall off, but the main generic connection remains. It will just become more harmonious.

But in order to start living independently, you still need to break away from your mother's skirt, but this is a metaphorical statement.

I wanted to once again raise the topic of psychologists.
At the examination, the psychologist shouted that there is an inextricable bond between father and daughter, and the stepfather will not replace this. That a stranger will never be able to love a child as his own. And at the end she added so sweetly: "And in general, you know that stepfathers rape children." He was a "professional" in his field. But now about something else.

I would like to raise the topic of the relationship between father and daughter. And if the father was not in the daughter's life? If he did nothing good for her? Can she then have such a relationship with her stepfather? Will her stepfather be able to replace her father at this high level of understanding?

I read a lot on this topic and nowhere is it written that the connection is formed with the biological father, because. on this basis, all sperm donors should feel the connection and rush, overcoming all obstacles, to their biological children. This is sheer stupidity. In the process of growing up and upbringing, the child is looking for standards and role models. And this standard, without the presence of a father in the life of a child, can be not only a stepfather, but also a grandfather and uncle and just a family friend.

And at the expense of violence in families ... if you really dig, then count the statistics of children killed and raped by blood relatives, including their own parents. The psychologist turned out to be unprofessional, incompetent, and most importantly in the examination - not objective.

Below is a great article on influence men for the life of his daughter.

Data from many studies show that a girl's relationship with her closest adult male (usually her father) in early childhood has a significant impact on her subsequent personal life. For her, her father is the first man in her life who loves her simply for the fact of existence. He becomes the ideal man that the girl will look for in the future. However, this is true only in the case of a warm, close relationship with the father. Otherwise, the girl will focus on men whose character excludes the negative traits of her father.

So A. Adler believes that due to the temper of the father, some girls form a prototype that excludes men because of their quick temper. Women who remember their fathers as friendly and affectionate are more likely to rate their marriage as successful sexually, emotionally, and spiritually than women who remember the image of a cold and unloving father. Frigid women, as a rule, had extremely inattentive fathers who did not show any concern for the health and development of their daughter. Women suffering from sexual perversion often recall that their fathers did not play any role in the family. An analysis of their experiences allowed psychiatrists to assert that such women experience "longing for a strong father." It is especially interesting that scientists have not been able to find a connection between the characteristics of a woman's personal life and the behavior of her mother; apparently, the influence of the father in this respect is predominant.

A huge role in the fate of the girl is played, first of all, by the father's general assessment of her external attractiveness - even in the youngest, preschool years, and even more so in adolescence, when appearance becomes such an important factor in self-esteem. If the father actively dislikes the daughter, and he emphasizes her unattractiveness in every possible way, it is safe to say: her female fate will not be easy. She will have to endure and suffer a lot. You may also have to work on yourself before she believes in her virtues, her ability to please and conquer men.

It will not be easy for the one who grew up in an atmosphere of unconditional paternal adoration and the fulfillment of all sorts of whims: it will not be easy for her to get used to the fact that some young people dare to treat her without admiration or even indifference. But, probably, the worst of all is the one who was generally deprived of the experience of such communication in childhood and who, having matured, is perplexed looking at men: with them (she suspects) you need to talk and behave somehow differently than with friends. But it's not clear how...

In the best position is a girl whose loving father (or maybe an uncle, older brother or family friend) gently and unobtrusively reminded her of her attractiveness, cuteness, her girlish dignity, thereby forming a strong, stable self-respect and faith. into yourself.
Good fathers are able to help their daughters learn how to interact with members of the opposite sex appropriately for the situation.

As mentioned earlier, the relationship between parents also influences the development of the child. However, it is interesting that girls are able to focus even on such a father, who has lost his position as the head of the family, if only he is affectionate and kind to them, if he enjoys spending at least a little time with them. For the development of the daughter's personality, it is more important not who leads the family, but how conflicting the parents' relationship is. If the father comes to terms with the position of the slave, and the parents do not conflict, the daughter retains love and respect for both of them, and therefore for herself.

The significant role of the father in shaping the male and female qualities of the child should be emphasized once again. It is the father who teaches children to their gender roles to a greater extent and can significantly help both sons and daughters in the process of their gender identification to overcome dependence on the mother, which is established in early childhood. Thus, participation in the upbringing of the father contributes to the disclosure of femininity in the girl, but, in turn, too strong identification with the father carries the danger of excessive “masculinization”.

In general, for a girl, a father is a model of the behavior of a person of the opposite sex, on the basis of which ideas about men are formed. This is what determines the influence of the relationship between father and daughter on her future personal life.
The participation of a man in education makes it possible to develop normally logical thinking and, as a result, mathematical abilities, determines her academic performance at school, and contributes to the development, although to a lesser extent than that of a boy, of her interests and aspirations. All this ultimately leads to the formation of certain life goals, aspirations, interests that affect the child's subsequent life, including the choice of profession.